


Fire

by Fayet



Series: Those Who Favour Fire [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AUish, Alchemy, Backstory, Dark Magic, Duelling, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-graphic depictions of violence, Slow Burn, Smoking, Wizarding Academics, Wolfsbane, dark and angsty, ignores most things after PoA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-04-12 01:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 188,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4460918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fayet/pseuds/Fayet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus develops a sudden interest for alchemy, Severus would rather be left alone, and Albus tries his hand at matchmaking. Voldemort is a bastard, Lucius Malfoy jealous, and Sirius mostly confused. Companion piece to "Smoke", can be read as stand-alone. AU-ish, read notes inside.</p><p>Features quite a bit of Potions trivia, Herbology, Dark Arts and Tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Best Is Yet To Come

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction started out as a translation. The original was published 2010 - 2011, and has 21 chapters. "Fire" follows the general story arc of "Earl Gray" until a certain point, but then somehow turned into something entirely different. 
> 
> Also I'd like to point out that, while "Fire" is the second part to "Smoke", it can be read on it's own. I try to explain things as I go along without repeating myself too much, but if you're keen on reading things, maybe read "Smoke" first. Or not.
> 
> And finally: I ignore everything that happened after PoA, so this is AU-ish, in a sense that the plotlines and character development are entirely out of canon. That especially concerns Snape's background story, family and life ante Hogwarts, but also Remus' childhood and details. Sorry I'm not sorry.
> 
> Whenever someone speaks a language that is not english the quote will be translated and explained in the comment section underneath each chapter. Same goes for potion trivia, hebology, historical events and wizarding 101.

#  Fire

  
_  
That valley, dark and deep and filled with mist,_

_is such that, though I gazed into its pit,_

_I was unable to discern a thing._

_(...)_

_Our path had not gone far beyond_

_the point where I had slept,_

_when I beheld a fire_

_win out against a hemisphere of shadows._

Dante: Divina Commedia, Inferno: Canto 04

(transl. Mandelbaum)

### 

  


#### 

The Best Is Yet To Come

#### 

It was one of the world's absolute certainties that the Daily Prophet's prophecies were never right. They tended to sway between being utterly wrong and just slightly off the mark. Everybody knew that, even the most delusional loyal subscriber. It had been a big surprise, then, that for once the newspaper had been absolutely spot on.

And with something as important as the weather, even. Between all the political scandals, the Quidditch results and the conspiracy theories that always had everybody as a criminal who wasn't Voldemort or a Death Eater it had been the weather column, a small segment everybody knew about and nobody ever read. Early in June the Daily Prophet's very own weatherwitch, a rather peculiar Ms. Cumulus, had announced the coming month to be the summer of all summers, to bring everything the endlessly rain-soaked British Islands had been dreaming off forever. Nobody had listened. The number of applications for long-distance apparation licences hadn't declined even in the slightest.

And then Ms. Cumulus had been right. It wasn't warm and sunny, it was hot and humid. Even the night barely brought coolness, hardly a breeze. It was warm everywhere, and even the highlands and northern parts of Scotland suddenly needed more sunscreen than anybody had ever used in the past ten years. Witch Weekly ran a highly successful issue with a decent number of sun protection spells as front-page story and sold more copies than they had even with their Exploding Christmas Pudding Special the previous year.

The heat wave hit Hogwarts just as it did every other part of Great Britain. Even the most tucked away rooms and corridors of the castle were filled with heat, and thick as a blanket it lay on the grounds and the Forbidden Forest. The castle sat upon its hill like a tired beast that had crouched down and decided to never move again.

But the heat brought more then just sweat, red skin and a unusal intense use of ice cubes. With it came the freedom to simply drop all work, declare that it was too warm to think anyway, and enjoy the suddenly free time. The lake saw more patrons than ever before, the Forbidden Forest was suddenly attractive as a lovely spot for a walk around noon, and several members of the still residing faculty had declared the dungeons to be the best living space in all of Hogwarts, though nobody really thought of moving their beds down there in the end.

Remus, at least, didn't. He knew that Severus had started to use certain parts of the student's laboratories for his own experiments which used heat-sensitive ingredients, and he knew better than to meet the Head of Slytherin per chance all alone in a darkened corridor.

He had a certain idea that he wouldn't survive such a lovely coincidence. After all he had come up with something like a blackmailing scheme, a rather exquisite plot to make Severus do - well. Something. Remus Lupin was rarely in possession of knowledge that was adequate to blackmail anyone. But what he had seen on his excursion with Severus to the opium den in a rather seedy part of London had suddenly provided him with ample material to stage a beautiful little blackmail affaire.

It was just that Remus wasn't very experienced with blackmail. Working as a spy he had acquired a nice set of unsavoury skills, could fight cleverly and creatively, could talk people into doing things or simply hide somewhere and observe the situation for days on end. But blackmail wasn't inherent to his personal arsenal of weapons.

His biggest problem was that he wasn't yet sure what exactly he wanted. Which, he had to admit, was slightly strange considering the fact that usually people came up with the idea of blackmail to get something very specific. In his case the blackmail had been there before he had come up with a proper reason.

If he was honest that wasn't a very clever plot. Yet. Wanting nothing in particular wasn't something one could cut out from newspapers and paste together. I have your cat and I want you to pay me five pounds my noon! Now, that was something one could arrange on paper and throw in someones' mailbox.

Just that Severus didn't have a cat. Or a mailbox.

And what Remus had wasn't an object, but more a rather interesting idea of Severus' line of work as a spy for the order. And, much more important, a lot of interesting information on the spy himself. Only days after their excursion to the opium den Remus had realized that what he had learned was actually - literally - vitally important. In his mind the image of Severus stretched out on the divan was still very present, opium pipe dangling from long fingers, strange smile painted to his face as he admitted to be suffering, to be dying actually.

If Remus was honest to himself all he wanted to do was to help. And then find a way to make Severus purr indecent things into his ear, but that was quite a different story.

But he had no clue how to achieve his first goal, nevermind the second. Or what actually was wrong. Severus hadn't quite listed his ailments. He briefly mentioned the Cruciatus and what it did to a human body, but he hadn't said what it did to his specific human body. And Remus knew he wouldn't ever confess anything. Severus wasn't the type to complain. He'd keep silent and die that way, rather than ever admitting that it was too much. That he couldn't do this any longer, not the way they were doing it right now.

But Remus cut a rather unimpressive knight in shining armour, and he knew it. It wouldn't quite do to rush into the lab on a white horse and sweep Severus off his feet, neverminding the fact that he didn't know how to handle a horse and that Severus wasn't really one of those half-naked beauties from the books his aunts used to read.

So he had come up with a different plan, and that included the blackmail.

There was also this very strange thing that was Remus' sudden sexual attraction to his lifelong antagonist. Somehow he had hoped that it had been the opium. Then he had hoped that it was just some weird idea the wolf had gotten into its furry head, that whatever Remus suddenly saw in the git would just go away, rather soon, if he just ignored it.

But nothing like this happened.

He hadn't exactly seen much of Severus in the past two weeks, and every time they had met at dinner or lunch they had skillfully and with years of practice ignored each other. But strangely enough Remus' fine hearing had picked up on Severus deep voice whenever someone was speaking to him, even amidst the general soundscape of conversations at a crowded dinner table, and it had reminded him of the silky purr he couldn't get out of his head anymore.

Great. He felt like he was fifteen once again, and it wasn't something he was particularly pleased with.

Sighing Remus dropped his head back and looked at the bright blue sky as if it could supply him with an answer. But only a few white clouds and birds were in view, and they weren't talkative.

He had been sitting on a small hill overlooking the lake for a while now. It was his usual spot for thinking, or relaxing, or reading. From here he could see the castle perched on the hill, overlooked parts of the grounds, and could think on the reflexes of light and sky on the lake's clean water. Or on the reflexes the small oil lamp in the opium den had thrown on Severus' pitch black eyes.

And then suddenly Sirius plonked down on the grass, and scared Remus half to death. How come he hadn't heard him coming? He really needed to get Severus out of his head. And find a solution for his blackmail problem.

"Hogwarts calling Moony. What's wrong with you? Are you brain dead or something?"

Sirius waved a hand in front of Remus' face, and poked him into the shoulder. Remus shook his head and boxed back.

"I was lost in thought, sorry. Didn't hear you coming at all. Were you creeping up on me?"

Shaking his head Sirius stretched, and then lay back on the grass.

"Of course I wasn't, you're jumpy as it is. Whatever it is you're thinking about, it must be fascinating. You haven't been yourself these past days. What's the matter with you?"

Remus sighed. For a brief moment he considered telling Sirius the truth, but then he'd probably be thrown in the lake and dunked underwater for the next hour or so, in what Sirius would probably call a purification ceremony.

"What would you ask for if you could have anything?"

Sirius propped himself up on an elbow and regarded Remus with an expression that clearly betrayed how strange the question was. Sometimes he wondered whether heat wasn't bad for werewolves, in general.

"Like, what? Why?"

Shrugging Remus started to pull out bushels of grass.

"Theoretical question. Do you know what that is?"

Sirius snorted.

"Yeah, as if. That's like those my-friend-thinks-you're-hot schemes. I'm not stupid, you know. Anyway. If, in your very theoretical and at all not implying that you're thinking about something rather weird scheme I could ask for anything I'd want a new broom. Or sex. I guess freedom isn't an option, right?"

It seemed rather fair that Sirius was thinking about sex. At least Remus wasn't the only one with a dirty mind.

"I guess not. Okay, thanks."

Sirius shook his head, black unruly hair flying everywhere.

"Really, you don't want to tell me? Come on, I'm your best friend and personal pet and all that emotional stuff. Well, you know, if you want to talk just tell me."

He was rather sure he didn't want to indulge Sirius with his recent sexual fantasies concerning Severus, his very long fingers and a rather - Merlin, he wouldn't go there right now! Gritting his teeth he shook his head again.

"Okay. In any case, I meant to tell you that I'll be gone for the next weeks, on and off. Albus wants me to look after Harry a bit, you know, wander the neighbourhood and such things. He isn't sure Harry is safe there anymore, but I've been telling him forever that he should take him in during the summer. Hogwarts would make a proper vacation spot for him. But Albus insists on the Dursleys, for whatever reason. In any case I guess I'll be back before the next full moon, but if I'm not you'll be okay alone, yes? Do you have your potion? And did that opium thing work? And where's the bat currently, haven't seen him around for days."

Remus followed the monologue with nodding and shrugging.

"Harry will be happy to see you, of course. I'll be fine, don't worry. The potion is there, I guess the opium worked and I haven't seen Severus for a while either. Does that answer all you questions?"

Sirius let himself fall back on his back again and nodded.

"Sure. Glad to hear you're feeling good. It was dreadful watching you being in so much pain. I know you really need that potion, but I could kill the old berk. And aren't you really tired of being dependent on the git for brewing that stuff every month? I'd be bugged by that."

The things that happened in Remus' brain in the next ten seconds felt as if someone had put the final piece of a gigantic puzzle into his hand, patted his shoulders and then turned on the light. Everything suddenly made sense.

"You're a bloody genius, do you know that?"

It was beautiful. It was perfect, made sense in every possible way, was absolutely innocuous and so easy. Remus could see it in front of his eyes, a fine panorama glittering in the morning light of a bright new day.

Sirius stared at him as if he had suddenly lost his mind. Heat and werewolves, he should have known. It didn't go together.

"What? Are you off your rocker?"

Remus smiled, the broadest possible, delighted and slightly mental smile, and nodded.

"Absolutely."

With more energy then he had shown all day he pushed himself off the ground and brushed the grass from his shorts.

"What's for dinner tonight, do you know? I'll see you later."

Then he waved and almost jogged back to the castle, all the time feeling Sirius' slightly disturbed and very surprised stare in his back. Remus had lost his mind, and the heat was to blame. Oh yes. It was time to look for a cooler place in the castle. Maybe the dungeons. There were potion's labs down there, after all, and someone who just had acquired a rather tangible problem.


	2. The Best-Laid Schemes

Remus didn't have to go far. As soon as he entered the castle he ran into Minerva McGonagall, who had seen Severus at breakfast that day and remembered that he had refused an already rhetorical invitation for tea with the excuse of having to do something incredibly complicated that included lots of numbers and would keep him occupied in the student labs for the full day.

Whistling Remus climbed down the stairs into the dungeons, savouring the coolness still sitting between the heavy stones. It calmed his warm skin and eased the build-up heat in his body remarkably well.

For a short moment he leaned against the strong wall, feeling the rough structure of the century-old stones, listening to their soft and faint whispering. He didn't understand their language, but he heard it perfectly well, and always imagined that they told him tales of all the wizards and witches who had been there before him, their successes and defeats, their dramas and joys. He didn't know whether everybody could hear the whispering stones or if it was only him, but it had never occurred to him to ask anyone else.

Then he walked on. The door leading to the student laboratories was ajar, and without knocking he pushed it open a bit further and glanced inside.

Minerva had been right. Severus sat on a bench in the first row, his back to the door, feet only slightly brushing the floor. His gaze was fixed to the large blackboard, which was covered from top to bottom with numbers, arithmetical signs, and very strange-looking lines. A very distant memory rose in Remus' mind, reminding him of a few sessions in Potions in his seventh year during which their professor had introduced his class to the very basic elements of alchemical arithmetic, a subject Remus had immediately decided he wouldn't pursue further. It was a true art, that was clear, but Remus had never been friendly with numbers and mathematical magic to begin with. His talents were rather hands-on, what Sirius always claimed meant that he wasn't the brightest.

Silently he pushed the door open further and without making unnecessary noise walked into the lab. Severus didn't move. His gaze was firmly set on the long row of numbers on the blackboard. A piece of chalk floated in mid-air close to the blackboard, indicating which line Severus was currently considering, waiting to receive orders. A second piece was in his left hand, and without any apparent sign that he was aware of it he turned it between his fingers, an endless circle. His hand, lab robe and hair were already covered in white dust, but he didn't seem to be aware of it.

For a short moment Remus considered whether it was a particular good idea to disturb the atmosphere of absolute concentration. But just as he had decided to say something a gesture from Severus silenced him and bade him to take a seat. Dutiful Remus sat down in one of the benches and continued to watch the scenery. Since the numbers on the blackboard didn't make any sense at all he concentrated on the man instead.

Summer hadn't done Severus any favours. Or, more accurately, hadn't changed him in the slightest. He wasn't wearing his long academic robes, yes, but that was about the only difference there was between the Head of Slytherin and the chalk-dust covered potionsmaster in front of Remus. He was again dressed in an old lab robe, this time in a dark grey hue, although Remus wasn't sure whether the thing had been dark from the very beginning or just gone grey with washing. Around his left wrist the same frayed cloth as always covered the Dark Mark, and his hair was held together at the nape of his neck by a simply silver clasp, revealing a rather indecent amount of pale skin and the uppermost vertebrae in his neck.

That pale skin made Remus nervous was a rather new development, and he realized it without remorse, being under no illusions about himself.

In the meantime it seemed that Severus had made progress with his numerical monster. Suddenly the silently floating piece of chalk became alive, and with ferocity continued the row of numbers at the very bottom of the blackboard. Then it stopped suddenly, flew upwards a bit, and remained there again waiting for new orders. From his seat Remus saw Severus' lips moving silently. The look on his face was something Remus had never seen before. He was completely lost for the present world, occupied by something only his inner eye could see, submerged into a lake of pure concentration and knowledge, tapping into resources he had probably acquired long ago. It was strange, and new, and beautiful, as it always was to see someone do something they loved and knew by heart.

He had never seen Severus brew, and right now he realized that he decidedly had to change that.

Then Severus suddenly grinned, snapped his fingers and the piece of chalk changed lines and replaced a three underneath a particular obscure root-symbol with a five. From there on everything seemed to come together easily. The piece of chalk raced over the blackboard, replacing numbers, switching intermediate results and finally writing a number with no less than seven positions after the decimal point. With a squeak the chalk piece underlined the result four times and then came to rest at its usual spot underneath the blackboard. In its place a piece of parchment and a quill flew up to the teacher's desk and started to copy the mathematical monster from the blackboard.

Satisfied Severus nodded, his eyes still on the blackboard. Without realizing that his hand was still covered with fine white chalk he brushed a stray strand of hair out of his face, leaving white powder all over his forehead. Then he deposited the second piece of chalk next to him on the table, no longer needing the perpetual movement of his hands to aid his concentration.

"There's a certain beauty in finding a mistake simply by taking apart the mathematical aspects of the second elemental level. I know that you will tell me how daring it is to do that equation in the second line, but let me tell you - "

He turned around and fell silent.

"Somehow I thought it was Albus. What do you want?"

Maybe to distract Remus he brushed the chalk off his hands. Remus pointed at the blackboard.

"How long did you sit down here calculating that?"

Severus shrugged.

"What time is it? Past lunch?"

Shaking his head Remus grinned.

"It's almost dinner time."

Standing up Severus crossed the room towards the small sink and started to wash his hands.

"Considering that you used to be rather helpless when it came to numbers I imagine that you are not here because of a sudden interest in alchemical arithmetic."

Biting back a sharp remark Remus decided to smile instead. It wasn't yet time to strike. Not yet. The trap was almost ready. He just needed two more things to happen.

"You see, I don't quite see the beauty in them. Maybe you can help me. You should recall that I know a few things you might want me to keep to myself. But, as you can imagine, my silence comes at a price."

Severus was almost done with cleaning his hands, and reached for a towel. For a very short second Remus thought that a strange smile ghosted over his face, but it was gone so quickly that he wasn't sure whether he hadn't only imagined it.

"Is that so. And what do you require for your silence?"

Very carefully Severus replaced the towel on its hock and turned around, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Somehow sitting at a student's table didn't help Remus' authority. He tried to ignore that, though.

"Well, what can I want from you?"

He made care to stress the personal pronouns, indicating that there could hardly be anything that Severus Snape had that he would want to have. Besides the whole man, maybe. But it wasn't the right moment to admit that. Smiling sweetly he continued.

"If we consider our current situation you might realize that I am, to a certain extent, dependent on you. Or on wolfsbane, which is roughly the same. I need it every month, and that will never change. I might also not always have access to a potions master."

There was a hint of panic in Severus raised eyebrow.

"Does that mean that you - ?"

He didn't even finish his sentence, but Remus nodded, looking at him the way he would at a particular slow student.

"I see you understand what I mean. I want you to teach me how to make Wolfsbane. In return I will keep your little secret."

It seemed that Severus was in desperate need to hold something in his hands just so he could drop it. At least he didn't faint or burst into laughter. Still he somehow managed to choke, and coughed rather graceless into his sleeve for a solid minute. When he had air in his lungs once more he regarded Remus with a glance as if he was a member of an especially stupid species.

"Have you gone mad? That's impossible."

Remus simply crossed his legs.

"Does that mean that you cannot do it or that you do not wish to do it?"

WIthout warning Severus slammed a hand on the nearest table.

"Do you even have the slightest idea how complicated that bloody potion is? You're not equiped to create something that is even remotely as difficult as Wolfsbane. You have no education beyond the basic school curriculum for potions, you cannot perform wandless magic and are thus not capable of concentrating magical energy precisely and you lack focus. You do not even know the basics."

Remus still smiled.

"As werewolf I possess an excellent and heightened sense of smell, as you might now. I had very good potions grades for the NEWTs, although I wasn't the top student of my class, as you might remember, considering that you were that person. I am also not in the slightest interested in these mathematical nightmares. All I want it the practical aspect, nothing more."

Remus could see slow anger in Severus' body language. This was perfect.

"No. This potion isn't a toy or anything you've ever seen before. Wolfsbane is new, hardly tested, and incredibly delicate. Put it off balance in the wrong moment and this whole damn castle is gone. Belby died that way. Ingredients are rare and very expensive. I'm condemned to stop my students from blowing us all up during term time, I've got no capacities to control a delusional layman in my lab toying with highly volatile ingredients. And if you fail there will be a loose werewolf amongst us during the next full moon? No. This is not going to happen."

Apparently the mere idea of having Remus in his lab was a proper nightmare for Severus. The refusal was complete, brutal, and deadly honest. And Remus was fully aware that Severus was absolutely right: he had no clue how Wolfsbane worked, and was also fairly certain that it was far too difficult for him. It wasn't for nothing that it was supposed to be one of the most complex potions that had ever been invented, and of course Remus was aware of that.

But he liked the acting so much.

Pretending to be very huffed he got to his feet.

"So this is your last word in this matter?"

Severus crossed his arms in front of his chest, all of his facial expression and body language clearly pointing out that if Remus wanted to go into his lab he'd have to climb over his dead cold body first.

"Absolutely. Do you think I spent all these years training as a potionsmaster because it's so incredibly easy?"

Shrugging Remus shook his head, carefully arranging a certain sadness into his features.

"Well, then. You've made your decision, there's nothing I can do for you anymore. I made you an offer, but if it doesn't suit you - what can I do? Pity, really. But, well. Shovel your own grave."

Still shaking his head he made his way over to the door. Already standing in the door frame he turned around one last time, looking back into the room where Severus still stood, a picture of rejection and annoyance.

"Oh, and you got chalk literally everywhere. Especially on your face. Rather ridiculous, if you ask me."

Then he vanished through the heavy door frame as fast as he could. Behind him a silent spell threw the door close with as much force as possible, and the hinge vibrated with the sheer force.

Grinning and now whistling again Remus made his way back up the stairs. The first step of his plan was finished, and everything had gone exactly according to his plan. It was perfect. He'd give Severus a few days to get used to the thought, and then proceed with his plan, step by step, until at the very end the potions master would stumble into the delicate trap and he'd be Remus' very own prisoner.

It was brilliant.

Severus would just need to shower prior to that moment. The chalk in his hair really didn't look good on him.

Three days later the situation hadn't changed much. Remus had spent two of these hiding in the library, where the temperature was still bearable and the darkness of the room helped to ignore the burning sunshine outside. He had read his way through everything about wolfsbane that he knew existed and then done random research with a special focus on Herbology. Slowly the gears of his mind began to operate more smoothly when it came to remembering everything he had learned in the seven years of Potions and Herbology in school, and things returned to his mind that he had thought he had forgotten long ago. He wouldn't quite take his NEWTs again, but for a random werewolf he wasn't too bad, at least in his own opinion.

On the evening of the third day in the library Remus' headache became unbearable. He had already woken up with a foggy head, feeling the pain crawling up on him. With skills practiced by years of broken bones and torn muscles he ignored the pounding in his head and focused on the books. Outside the heat had become oppressive, the thunderstorm necessary to clean the air almost tangible, but not yet there. Everybody was a bit under the weather, and not only Remus complained about headaches.

He quit early that night, returned to his rooms where a cooling spell kept the temperature low, and tried to read more there. But it was useless. By mid-evening his head seemed to explode, a constant pounding on his skull reminding him of the headache every few seconds. Reading wasn't an option anymore, but lying down only made the pain worse. He took a cool shower and some basic painkillers and tried to sleep.

Three hours later the castle was dark, but Remus headache had gotten even worse. Cursing he finally gave in, threw a lightweight summer robe over his pyjamas and made his way to the hospital wing. Poppy had stronger painkillers in stock than he did, and she would certainly know which one could help him best. If she was still awake, that was.

But Remus was lucky. Under the closed-door he saw her light, and she answered his careful knock quickly.

"Oh, it's you - I thought it could be - well. Good evening, Remus. What can I do for you? You look a bit under the weather. Headache? Well, yes, everybody seems to have one today."

Trying to smile besides his screaming brain Remus nodded and sat down on one of the beds.

"If that bloody thunderstorm would just come already. Do you have something that could help me, maybe some concentrated willow bark?"

She nodded, was gone for a few seconds and returned with a small vial. The clear liquid tasted of nothing in particular, and only per chance did Remus catch the neat writing on the bottom, indicating the to-be-used-before date in Severus' spidery handwriting. Against his will he smiled.

"Thank you. Hopefully this will be better soon. Why are you still awake, by the way? I wasn't sure if I'd even find you here."

Replacing the cork on the vial Poppy nodded, smiling.

"Don't worry. I was taking inventory of the stock, you see. We need to refill several potions soon, and Severus usually brews most of it during summer when he has free time."

For a short moment she seemed to be thinking about adding something else, but then she simply nodded once more and left to place the empty vial in a box on one of the shelves.

"Considering you just took a pretty decent dose of willow bark I'd like to keep you here tonight, if you don't mind. Take a bed in one of the two smaller rooms, everything is cooled down and should be comfortable."

Remus, who didn't really care where he slept as long as it was not too dirty or dangerous, agreed. Five minutes later he crawled under the clean and cool sheets in a spotlessly white bed, feeling the pounding pain slowly die away. A few more minutes and he was dead asleep.

When he rewoke he had completely lost his sense of orientation. Blinking he sat up, and needed two more minutes to realize where he was. The room was dark, with only the moon casting shadows on the floor. Nothing moved, but something had woken him. His headache was gone, as he noticed with relief.

Then he noticed the light in the other private room next door. Both rooms were connected via a door, and it was only slightly ajar, casting a single line of warm light into the room where Remus had slept until moments ago. But even though he felt better he was still tired, and turning in bed he pulled the blanket over his head and tried to fall asleep again.

But then he heard voices, and the already woken part of him insisted on listening carefully. And as much as he tried, once he had realised that someone was next door he couldn't block the conversation out again, although he really tried. He wanted to sleep! Damn his sensitive hearing.

"..just don't get why you never come by yourself. What were you thinking, something like this doesn't heal by itself! You should know better, really. Sit down there, and take that damn robe off."

Poppy sounded tired, but agitated, and not at all happy.

"What happened? Yes I know you can't tell me, but - well. Albus, don't stand around uselessly, take the cloak. Thank you."

Remus heard steps, movement and the noise of someone searching through a box of vials.

"You had a visitor tonight, Poppy?"

Albus' voice was calm, but still didn't lack a sense of urgency.

"Yes, Remus is lying next door, but he's fast asleep."

More noises, mixed with the clank of vials.

"Fine, now let me see. Do you want a painkiller? Did you take anything already?"

More clanking of vials, and steps.

"Too much, don't give me more. It should be manageable."

Severus' voice, dark and utterly exhausted, almost lifeless. Remus closed his eyes, even though he already had his head buried in his blanket. He didn't want to know these things. Or did he?

"How much - what? Well. It will be painful, you know. Let me see."

Then nobody spoke for a moment, or it was that Remus had drifted off into sleep, as if Severus' tiredness had seeped from the dark voice straight into Remus' bones.

When he woke up the next time it was still dark. Remus' body was completely tangled into the sheets, the pillow somewhere on the ground. He must have had a nightmare, kicking and fighting an invisible enemy that in the end was only his starched bed sheet. Sighing he carefully removed the clinging fabric from his limbs and sat up to search for his pillow.

The light in the room next door was gone, but the door was now completely open

Two meters from his bed Remus spotted his poor pillow. Sighing again he stood up, padded a few meters across the cool stone floor and picked the pillow up. Straightening himself again he realized that with his now changed position he could see into the other room. There the same patterns of moonlight were on the ground, casting pale shadows, and giving the perfectly white bed sheets a ghostly glow.

One bed was occupied.

Instantly Remus felt more awake. His curiosity told him that he knew who was asleep there, but that checking wouldn't do anybody any harm. The door was open, in any case, and he'd only go and see from the door frame. It was fine, really.

Still keeping the pillow in both hands he padded over, now careful to not make any sound. It was a thing of five lightweight steps, nothing more, and he stood in the door frame. The other room was much smaller than his own, with only four beds, two on each side. Severus slept in the one closest to the door, probably so that Poppy could check up on him without crossing the whole room. Remus couldn't imagine that Severus had voluntarily agreed to stay in the hospital wing overnight, but Poppy had her ways and sleeping potions, and if she wanted someone to stay she would make sure they did.

Considering how dead the man looked she had probably given him a nice high dose, and knocked him out for good.

The moonlight didn't do him any favours. During the day his quick mimic easily glossed over the fact that his face seemed to be all sharp angles, skin drawn over a skull, with harsh wrinkles on his forehead. He looked much older then he actually was, something Remus had always known to be the punishment of their generation - same could be said for him, for Sirius, for all of them. Suffering never went past without leaving traces. But Severus looked positively as if he were dead already. His prominent nose seemed to be even more crooked than usual, and his eyes were set far too deep into his skull, rimmed with black rings.

In his sleep his face was familiar yet strange, frighteningly unguarded and unprotected from Remus' curiosity. On his left wrist the Dark Mark was shockingly visible against pale skin and white sheets.

On the second glance Remus saw what had been the reason for Severus' visit to the hospital wing. The white bandage around his right wrist at first blended into the sheets with perfection, and only became visible when Remus cast another glance over the sleeping man. It was a thick wrapping of gauze, including a sturdy splint, completely immobilizing the wrist for good.

It didn't look broken, but then Remus wasn't a mediwizard and knew nothing. Broken bones were painful, but could be healed quickly. Torn ligaments were worse, as these needed to heal naturally, without the added help of Skele-Gro that did nothing to mend muscles and tissue.

A potionsmaster with a broken hand, torn ligaments or damaged range of motion was very much a useless thing, and Remus was aware of that. Ingredients needed to be handled carefully, chopped accurately, sometimes within millimeters. A good potionsmaster could feel the quality of an ingredient on the first touch, knew about weight and density, controlled cauldrons and fire with wandless magic traveling through fingertips. He had felt the callouses on Severus' hand back in the opium den, seen the small cuts and rough patches of skin, but also how sensitive to touch his fingertips were.

And he knew the stories. How it was easy to destroy someone by taking the essence of his work from them. He recalled blinded painters, pianists with broken fingers, forced to paint in the dark, to play on bones and bleeding flesh. A single injury could end a career, and destroy a man's will.

Was that injury a mere accident, or more? A hint? A love letter from Voldemort? Or just a slight warning?

Remus felt a cold sensation creep up his spine. He recalled Severus' talk of the upcoming war, of the doom that was looming on the horizon, how they would need to fight to survive. If they wanted to survive, that was.

If the injury on Severus' wrist couldn't be fixed with potions and some magic, if he couldn't brew for the next weeks, who would do it? Someone needed to do the work to fill Poppy's shelves, and someone needed to make Remus' Wolfsbane. He felt egoistic thinking about that, but it was true, and the moonlight painting shadows on the floor suddenly seemed to mock him.

Lost in thought he turned around and, still holding his pillow like a precious gem, returned to his bed. He replaced the pillow to its usual spot, climbed back into bed, pulled the covers up and closed his eyes.

But he couldn't get rid of the images. Broken bones, the moonlight, a castle in ruins painted into the smoke. And then, softly, his own voice telling him in his head that he actually shouldn't complain about this new development. That a broken wrist at the right time was exactly what his plan needed. That Voldemort could actually be something like his partner-in-crime. His stomach twisted with a sudden pang of guilt. He certainly hadn't wanted that, but how could he not, somehow, in a very perverted way, take advantage of it?

Life was cruel, and who was he to shy away from the dirt? Werewolves didn't care. He'd get want he wanted, that much was sure. After all one didn't make a omlette without breaking a few eggs. Or a potion master's wrist.

###### 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damocles Belby is said to have researched the Wolfsbane as first potions master in the history of alchemy. If anyone cares for herbology details: wolfsbane is actually the name of a plant, Aconitum, which can be used to produce a toxic extract that kills animals, and was used to hunt, and presumably to kill wolves.


	3. Let me change your mind

The next morning Remus felt as if he had been reborn. The headache was gone for good, and he almost jogged down the stairs to the Great Hall. Poppy had only examined him briefly and then send him to eat a good breakfast. The mediwitch looked tired, but when Remus carefully inquired about it she had simply smiled and shrugged. He wasn't going to get any details just by asking, that much was for sure.

On his way down the stairs he met Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster had been away for the past days, attending Ministry meetings and seeing to his private business. It always astonished Remus that someone so closely connected to Hogwarts as Albus Dumbledore had something like private matters to arrange and tend to, but then almost everybody had. Still it felt good to know him back at Hogwarts. It seemed that even the castle was more at ease now. Remus hadn't seen him officially since his return, but of course he already knew that Albus had arrived sometime late last evening, just in time to catch Severus on what Remus thought was a return from The-Dark-Bastard. But of course he couldn't admit that.

"Albus, it's good to see you're back."

He tried his best to find a way around the necessary lie, and instead beamed brightly at the older man, taking in his appearance in a second glance.

The headmaster wore an appalling bright blue summer robe, made from what looked like almost liquid silk upon which water lilies seemed to float. Whenever one watched parts of the fabric too closely one could belive that there were even fish in there, just below the surface, waiting for a moment when nobody saw them to shortly peek above it. Remus tried his best not to stare, but when the head of a fat carp appeared on Albus' left shoulder for a second he couldn't stop himself. Albus simply smiled.

"Good morning. I am glad to see you this cheerful. Poppy told me you had a bad headache last night, but it seems you are feeling better now. Excellent. Would you care to accompany me? The houseleves set the breakfast table outside, in the orchard. Everybody agreed it would be nice to enjoy good food outside, in this kind of weather! I don't think we ever had such a beautiful summer. And there will be fresh waffles, apparently with cherries! What's not to like about that?"

Chatting away Albus linked his arm with Remus and guided him out of the Great Portal towards the orchard. And he was right: the summer day was splendid. The sky was bright blue, the oppressive heat was gone, and a fresh clean breeze was in the air. Even before they reached the table Remus caught the scent of warm cherries and fresh waffles.

When the breakfast table came into their sight Remus saw that they weren't the first ones. Minerva already occupied a spot there, and Sirius sat on the other end of the table, reading the Daily Prophet while he was gobbling up waffle after waffle. But both soon noticed the newcomers.

"Albus, Remus! It's good to see you."

Upon seeing them Minerva almost jumped up from her chair and waved. She had returned from her vacation in Italy a few days ago, but her arrival at the castle had been perfectly timed with Albus leaving, and so they hadn't had the chance to meet yet. They greeted each other as if they had been apart for a decade at least. Kissing Albus three times on the cheek while he patted her shoulder Minerva smiled broadly. Sitting down Remus couldn't help but grin himself. He had learnt a long time ago that the usual stern Head of Gryffindor was actually rather affectionate, and she didn't bother to hide it during her days off.

"Minerva, my dear, welcome home. We missed you. Now, tell me, how was Rome? Are those old stones still where they are supposed to be? I haven't been there for at least thirty years."

Albus decided on a spot in the sunshine and sat down.

"Remus, you should have a waffle before Sirius devours them all. Rome was beautiful, Albus, so old and still vibrant. Of course we had such a heat wave, but we found a tiny gelateria in a little alley directly behind the Pantheon, and you see -"

These were the moments that Remus loved. The copious laid out table in front of him, holding delicacies from the garden and the creative kitchen, and behind that the glorious view on the castle. From their spot in the orchard he saw the slightly descending grounds, the lake being the lowest point of them, and then rising again the meadows leading up to the Forbidden Forest. All of this was bathing in the warm sunshine, the water of the lake glittering and the dark trees seemingly soaking up the rays. Above him the fruit trees of the orchard were whispering in the breeze, and the voices of his colleagues and friends were the most perfect background music to all of this. The warm and sweet scent of waffles and cherries mixed with that of coffee and tea was in his nose, and suddenly he knew that exactly this was how home was supposed to feel. But everything was fleeting, everything would be gone one day, presumably forever. He tried hard to memorize this scenario, exactly this moment, the second he was sitting there feeling warm and confident, and happy. He was home.

"Remus? Seriously, what happened to your brain? Coffee or tea? If you don't want a waffle I'll eat them up."

Sirius poked his shoulders, and Remus startled.

"Oh no, you won't."

Albus called the plate towards him with an outstretched hand. Two waffles ended up on his plate, and the remaining stack made its way back to Remus.

"Give Remus a chance, we can't have him starve."

The first waffle died underneath Albus' knife.

"So, Santa Maria Maggiore, did you like the byzantine architectural elements - "

Remus grinned.

"See, some people now that sharing is caring."

Sirius shook his head and reached for the coffee pot.

"And who cares for me? I'm hungry! Can I have one more waffle?"

Breakfast went by quickly. The waffles were all gone and the coffee pot almost empty when the daily mail arrived. They heard the flapping wings of the owls a long time before they saw them. Albus' mail was always delivered straight to his office, so he got nothing and could take a moment to lean back and enjoy his cup of tea. Minerva received a broad collection of letters, Sirius a note from Ron, and Remus a postcard showing a rather old-looking bridge next to the glittering script saying "Rome".

"Oh, I never thought the mail would be that slow. This is Ponte Sant'Angelo, by the way."

But before Minerva could indulge them with a long discourse on the history of the roman bridge another bird landed on the back of one of the chairs. It was a majestic large hawk with strangely dark feathers and red eyes, an uncommon and rather uncongenial bird for delivering mail. It seemed to be looking for someone currently not at the table.

"May I?"

Very carefully Albus reached for the small role of parchment tied to the bird's foot. The hawk watched him disapprovingly, but didn't move. Albus turned the parchment and read the address.

"Ah, it's for Severus. I can forward it."

The hawk screeched, and Remus frowned. He didn't like the bird in the slightest. But Albus, fearless as usual, untied the roll and placed it on the table. Free from his burden the hawk shook its feathers, screeched once more, ignored the small treat Minerva held out and instead picked at her hand. Annoyed she drew it back, but the bird ignored her, and took off. Watching the disappearing messenger Minerva shook her head while rubbing her hand.

"Insolent bird."

Albus glanced at the parchment once more.

"Don't worry, my dear. The Malfoys never use friendly birds. It wouldn't suit Lucius' reputation."

And indeed the wax seal was dark green, with the two letters LM surrounded by ivy ranks. Sirius shook his head and mumbled an insult.

"Severus will be delighted. And here he comes."

Following Albus' gaze Remus spied a figure emerging from the Forbidden Forest and making way towards the orchard. A few minutes later it became clear that it was indeed Severus who had come out of the forest. Walking briskly he came up to the orchard, arriving only minutes later at the table.

"Good morning. Were you out looking for something in the forest?"

Albus cast a rather curious glance at the small leather bag dangling from Severus' shoulder.

"Obviously. Good morning."

Severus nodded once to greet everybody, and then sat down next to Minerva.

"Am I right in believing that you're informing Albus of the unchanged splendor of the eternal city?"

She smiled and, not without a bit of strenght, slapped his upper arm.

Listening to the repeated plethora of stories about old stones and pizza he took the cup of tea Albus gave him and absently minded sipped the strong brew. He had probably heard all the stories before, and the one thing he wasn't very good at was hiding the moment when his mind wandered off. Remus took the chance to carefully examine his persona once more.

Now without a lab robe it was even more obvious that he had made concessions to the heat, wearing linen trousers and a wide cut white linen shirt. Only his boots were heavy and looked sturdy, apparently necessary for his forest excursion. But it was obvious that he was feeling the heat, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Both of his wrists were covered now, the left one with the frayed piece of cloth, and right one with the bandage. His leather bag was carefully placed beneath the chair. He was listening attentively to Minerva's rambling, sometimes asking short questions that were half-italian and betrayed that apparently he had been in Rome before himself and had given Minerva plenty of insider-information on where to eat.

".. and that pasta place you recommended, shame on you, it was so good. I never knew you had such a good taste in restaurants. Tell me, how bad is it?"

Eying his wrist with a sad look she took a sip of juice. Severus needed a short moment to follow her train of thought.

"That? Well. Might take a few weeks, according to Poppy."

She carefully replaced her glass.

"Bone?"

He shook his head.

"Ligament rupture."

Shocked she threw a glance in Albus' direction, but all he could to was shrug slowly and shake his head. She didn't voice whatever was going through her head. But Sirius knew no such concerns.

"Did you fall off a tree?"

Severus hardly even tilted his head.

"Be happy it's not you, Black, dogs are usually shot when they break a leg."

With skilled calm Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but Albus cut into the exchange before it could become a proper war.

"Silence, both of you, old people need to eat in peace or they'll have stomach aches later on."

Trying not to grin broadly Remus saw how both opponents simultaneously rolled their eyes. Albus ignored both of them.

"Severus, eat. And here's a letter for you, delivered by a rather snappish hawk."

Taking the parchment Severus leant back and crossed his long legs.

"A snappish hawk? I thought my father was dead. Oh, Lucius, always a pleasure."

The acid dripping from his voice almost burnt a hole into the table-cloth. Breaking the seal he read the message, ignoring the curious glances from his neighbours. But soon everybody knew that nothing would happen further. Minerva and Albus returned to their conversation again, this time focusing on the best place for pistachio ice-cream in Rome, and Sirius tried his best to ignore Severus and started to tell Remus something about Harry's last heroic deeds.

Remus only listened half-heartedly. The bigger part of him was watching Severus frown while reading the message, still sipping his tea. Then he rather suddenly put the cup down, crumpled the parchment in his hands and got up. He waited a short moment until Albus looked up and took notice of his attempt to leave.

"I have things to attend to."

Albus nodded.

"Yes, I'll see you later. But promise me you won't vanish into your laboratory when the sun is this beautiful. You could need some sunshine, you know. And you can't work with that wrist anyway."

A short impression of anger rippled across Severus' face, but it was gone immediately.

"There is still enough work left."

He stood up, bend down again to pick up his leather bag, first using the injured hand and then, cursing under his breath, his healthy left one. Slinging the bag over his shoulder he made movements to leave. But Minerva called him back.

"Wait a second, come here."

Uncertain what she wanted from him he stopped by her chair. She smiled up at him, and tapped her index finger twice on the thick bandage. Promptly it turned a dark grey, almost black hue. He couldn't help but smile and nod.

"Suits you better. White would look dirty and stained shortly, I know you."

He nodded once more and turned around.

"I guess it would've dawned on me soon, too. Thank you."

She waved him away.

"Please don't. You're a competent wizard, but please don't attempt transformation spells. You'd have turned the thing pink or into something furry and undead."

Severus' answer got lost in the laughter at the table, and he took the chance and hurried towards the castle.

As if someone suddenly had intended to make Remus' life as easy as possible Minerva decided to leave not long after Severus was gone. She promised Albus to drop off the lemon biscuits she had brought him back from Rome soon, and excused herself to finally go and unpack the remaining bags from her trip. Sirius followed her shortly, having promised Pomona Sprout to help her in the greenhouses that day.

Only Remus and Albus remained at the table, and the headmaster didn't seem to have anything to do at all. Refilling his teacup once more he cast a short glance at the front page of the Daily Prophet Sirius had left behind and then smiled at Remus.

"You wanted to talk to me, I think?"

Remus nearly choked on his tea. How did Albus know? Had it been written on Remus' forehead? Legilimency? Clearing his throat he nodded and put down his own teacup just to be sure.

"Yes, am I that obvious? Right. So, I've been thinking about the wolfsbane potion a lot recently, and done some minor reading. You know how dependent the security of the castle is onto the potion, and I wanted to know some more."

Trying to look as innocent as possible he quickly explained what had happened in the past days: how he had offered Severus his help and how the complete rejection had hurt him.

"And then, you see, I do not know how long I'll still be this close to Severus, and the thing that happened to his wrist now? No, I need to be more independent, and I feel that it is the perfect moment now. Severus might need some help, and in the summer we all have more time. He could train me as his assistant, maybe? And I gather that he has a rather large workload, maybe it would give him some more time to relax as well."

Placing the final argument with a broad smile Remus blinked twice, and leaned back. The ball was in Albus' court.

Not for long, though.

Smiling and patting Remus' hand Albus nodded.

"I absolutely understand your reasoning. And you are right in thinking that Severus could need some more time to relax, he's working far too hard and hardly ever takes a break. And this new injury is really rather unfortunate. I gather that you were talented when it comes to potions during your school days. Yes, I do like your idea. Let me see what I can do and speak with Severus. I'll try to catch him today."

And that was it. For a moment Remus felt dizzy with joy about how easy it had been, and then suddenly suspected Albus' smile to have many more layers than he could currently anticipate. But Albus seemed innocent, chatted idly about this and that, and then left the table to take up his daily work again.

Could it really be that easy?

The same afternoon Remus sat at his usual spot by the lake, watching Sirius in the water. Pomona Sprout had asked him to take inventory of the current population of a very rate breed of marimo, tennis ball sized moss balls that lived in the shallower parts of the lake and were probably the cuddliest underwater plant Remus had ever seen. Sirius was diving down to count them, and every time he reappeared at the surface he shouted a number to Remus who kept a notebook and pencil and wrote it down.

"Forty-five!"

With a splash Sirius was gone again. Remus wrote the number underneath the long column in his notebook, and realized that he wasn't alone any longer when a shadow took away his light.

"Stand a little out of my sun, please. Thanks."

Finishing the number he looked up, expecting Pomona Sprout. Instead he stared straight into the not at all pleased face of Severus. He still wore the same ensemble from the morning, only now with an opened lab coat draped over his shoulders. In his left hand he carried a rather heavy book that he dropped into Remus' lap without warning.

"I do not know how you did it, but let me assure you that the only thing guaranteeing your physical integrity at this very moment is Albus Dumbledore. Consider yourself lucky. "

He was so angry he almost hissed. Remus very carefully kept his face neutral, although it was difficult not to smile.

"Tomorrow, at three in my personal lab. Read the first two chapters. I will not work with you if you do not put effort in this, and I don't give a damn about what Albus says then."

Without any further comment he turned around and stalked away, every step a little earthquake. Remus was surprised he hadn't simply been hexed all the way to Brighton, but he also knew that Severus tended to obey Albus' wishes, even when they went against his own plans. Even when he so obviously didn't want to do something. At least he had made himself clear. Remus had almost felt the anger seething, like little invisible sparks flying through the air and burning his skin.

This was going to be very interesting.

Looking at the heavy volume in his lap he turned it around. The book was old and well used, a copy from the last decade judging by the design of the title. The writing on the faded and tainted green cover was in solid black letters: "Alchemy: Basic Principles. With Introductions to Herbology and Alchemical Arithmetic" by someone name Melchior Cibinensis.

Curious he opened it somewhere in the middle. The book had been well used, and there was a stain on almost every page. Sticky notes and slips of paper were everywhere, and sometimes Remus even managed to decipher the spidery and almost illegible handwriting. The first page was covered with stamps from a library. "Rahzes Library, St. Aurelius - College for Alchemy and Arithmetic, Oxford" it read, and then a stamp directly underneath "Surrendered to final user". He didn't need to look much further, but the small piece of paper pasted right underneath caught his eye. It's crest showed a simple image of a tree with a single apple growing out of a cauldron, with the inscription "Ignis ante ipsum praecedet". The fine print "Snape" wasn't necessary for him to know that what he held in his hands was probably a book Severus had kept from his own days at university.

That was a lot of new information and developments in the span of very few minutes, and Remus was so lost in thought that he only heard Sirius yelling when the water he splashed into Remus' direction reached him.

"Remus? Thirteen, damn it, for the tenth time!"

Looking up Remus grinned, nodded and wrote the number down.


	4. Barking up the wrong tree

The next afternoon Remus stood at precisely five minutes to three o'clock in front of the heavy wooden door behind which he knew Severus' private laboratory to be. He had never been inside the rooms in the rather out-of-the way Serpens Tower. Of course he knew the students laboratories in the dungeons where the walls were heavy enough to withstand the occasional exploding cauldron and a permanent cool kept the room temperature bearable even with ten fires burning beneath the cauldrons, but Severus private laboratories were decidedly off limits. And currently probably less comfortable than even the constantly dark dungeons.

Serpens Tower didn't have the benefit of coolness the dungeons had. The summer heat had crawled into the tower easily, and it was just as hot there as in any other part of the castle. For a brief moment Remus wondered why the couldn't use the student laboratories, but on the other hand he would have felt like a thirteen-year-old all over again, and he wasn't sure whether that would be an advantage.

But then he had done his homework. Only hours after Severus had thrown the book into his lap he had settled down at his desk, opened up a fresh notebook, and worked his way through the first two chapters as he had been ordered to do. It wasn't an easy or pleasant read, but at least Mr. Cibinensis had a knack for explaining things in a way that Remus understood them easily. He had read and taken notes until night fell, and continued the next morning without fail. Now his notebook was covered with remarks about safety procedures, basic information on cauldron sizes, materials and tools, temperature recommendations and carefully drawn diagrams. He wasn't a master yet, but he had done his job well.

Now Severus had to do his.

But it wasn't three yet, and Remus waited patiently. In his mind he saw the bubbling cauldron over a carefully controlled flame, saw himself slowly but steadily mastering the art, the first werewolf ever to brew -

But his train of thoughts was brutally interrupted by the opening door.

"Why aren't you simply knocking?"

Severus leaned in the door frame, dressed as it seemed to be his habit during his time off in a tattered lab robe, underneath thin black linen trousers and the same sturdy boots. He didn't wait for an answer, shook his head disapprovingly, and moved back into the room.

Remus gulped down a reply and followed him suit.

He had never been in any kind of laboratory after his time in Hogwarts had been over, and the student laboratories didn't quite make the cut for being proper ones. But now the room in front of Remus decidedly was a proper laboratory, although it didn't look the way Remus had imagined it.

It was mostly empty. There weren't the rows of stacked vials and bottles, cylinders and cauldrons he had expected. Not a single dead animal in thick liquid was in sight, no cobwebs, no mysterious bookshelf. Instead it was a large room, with empty white walls and a single door leading into what probably was a storage room. Large windows gave way to a beautiful view over the grounds, sunlight brightening the room and providing natural light to work in.

There were two large work tables, both covered with various utensils used for potion making. A third one was pushed towards the wall and served as a makeshift desk, holding a stack of notebooks in various degrees of use from almost new to badly damaged. The few books lying on the desk seemed to be in much better condition, and pencils were everywhere, indicating that someone had the habit of misplacing them frequently. There was a single large bookcase on the wall behind the makeshift-desk, filled half with labeled vials and half with books. Between the leather-bound magical books Remus spied a fair amount of books coming from Muggle publishers, and a rough glance revealed them to deal mostly with subjects like Chemistry and Pharmacy. He was surprised, but there was no time to think about that further.

Without extending a greeting or any kind of introduction Severus pointed towards one of the two work tables.

"Do not touch anything. This is your table, and I want you far away from everything else you see in this room. Almost everything here is volatile or toxic, and if you poison yourself I will not hear the end of it from Albus. Clear?"

Remus nodded, trying to smile. If everything in this room was highly volatile or toxic same could be said for its owner, who most of the time ticked both boxes easily.

"Good. Do you have a lab coat?"

A lab coat? He was a teacher, not a mad scientist.

"No, of course not."

Already visibly annoyed Severus sighed. Then he turned around, crossed the room and for a short moment vanished through the door in the back. On his return he carried two vials that he deposited on his own work table while he passed it, and a new lab coat.

"Shorten it so it fits you, but do it later. Albus helpfully pointed out that you're expected to attend dinner tonight, so there isn't much time. Did you read the book?"

Trying to listen and nod at the same time Remus placed the lab coat on a chair he found near his own work table. If Severus owned actual new clean lab coats, why did he wear the old ratty one? But once more Remus didn't really have time to follow this trail of thought further.

"Yes, of course. It was very interesting, I took notes. Though I have to mention that your book is in an appalling condition, really. Two pages fell out, there's nothing I could do."

He expected a temper tantrum, but Severus merely shrugged.

"It has done its duty, and loose pages can be fixed again. The copy is old, as you probably already realized. I couldn't give you the newer one, I use it for reference."

With a few steps he moved towards the work table prepared for Remus, who followed and for the first time took inventory of what was on that table.

And it was a disappointing to see that there wasn't much. Where was his cauldron? Fire place? Spoons? All he saw was a wooden board for cutting, a rather impressive knife, an empty bowl and another one filled with yellow coloured tubers.

"As I said, this table is yours. I will need it again once this is finally over, so don't blow it up. Or anything here. When was the last time you had anything to do with potions?"

Remus placed himself behind the table, looked at the wooden board and tried to remember the exact date.

"School, I guess. Ah, no, I made a cough potion two years ago. Worked nicely, if you ask me. Nobody died."

For a short moment Severus looked tired, but he rearranged his face quickly and nodded curtly.

"So we have to start from the very beginning."

He took a position opposite of Remus, crossed his arms in front of his chest and needed only three sentences before his voice slipped with practiced ease into its true and tried teaching-mode. Remus tried his best not to grin and listened carefully.

"Well. You know the very basics of potion making: What kind of ingredients you will need, where you can find them, when the best time for harvest is, when to add them into a cauldron, and how to stir. That's what you learn in school. But it's only the very bottom of everything. What school does not teach are the really important elements of Alchemy: how ingredients are cut, what moonphase is good for selecting herbs, how a potion smells during stages of the heating process, which cauldron material transports magic best, and most importantly how magic is added to the process and which dosage is needed. The last point is crucial, as the added magic makes or breaks the potions' potency."

He gestured to the bookcase behind his shoulders.

"Most of these things are written down somewhere, you can find them and learn them that way. That is the easy part. But something else is much more important, and that is the controlled addition of magic during the brewing process. In school you learn that a potion is potent because the ingredients are powerful. That isn't false, but it isn't true at the same time. Basic potions do indeed work that way, and school teaching never goes beyond that, so it does make sense to let students believe it. But potent potions need added magic, and in that way they depend on the master making them just as much as on their ingredients. Every potion retains a small amount of the magic from the person who made it, which adds the side-effect that it can be traced back to its master rather easily."

That was a lot of information in a short span of time, and somehow Remus felt as if he was supposed to take notes.

"You can trace a potion back to its maker? How does that work?"

Apparently that was a good question.

"There's a varying degree of smoke colour, for example."

He turned around, walked over to his own work table and picked up the two vials he had brought in from the storage room earlier. On his way back he also took a small wooden frame with two clean test-tubes from the second work table in the room. Uncorking the vials he let a few drops of each potion drip into a fresh test-tube. Then he snapped his fingers, and the small green flame Remus already knew appeared above his thumb.

One after another he held both test tubes into the green flame, each for a few seconds only, and returned them into the small wooden frame. Seconds later thin smoke started to rise. And indeed the smoke differed: although from both tubes black smoke was rising one contained beautiful golden shimmer while the other was laced with dark green streaks.

Fascinated Remus stared, double checking that both vials indeed contained the same purple potion.

"Dreamless Sleep Potion. As you can see both have been made by a different master. The golden smoke indicates that the potion is from Basilius Valentinus, the green smoke means that I made it."

As the potion cooled down the smoke died away.

"But the smoke itself was black, in both tubes. Is it always black?"

Severus shook his head and replaced the cork on the vials, collecting everything and returning the vials on his own work table. The test tubes went straight towards the sink.

"No. Only the smoke colour during the brewing process is inherent with the potion itself, later on it always indicates the maker. In this case both vials emit black smoke because Basilius Valentinus was my own master. Some tend to be far more creative. Hermes Trismegistos, for example, was a rather eccentric person and always had red smoke. One of his apprentices was a witch with a dry sense of humour, and her potions added blinking pink glitter into the red smoke, a rather ghastly yet unique combination."

While speaking Severus carefully disposed the few remaining drops of the potions, washed the test tubes vigorously and placed the on the sink to dry out. Then he returned to Remus.

"I will not waste time explaining fundamental principles of Alchemy to you. Read the book and ask questions as we proceed, there is no time for anything else. For whatever reason you have decided to brew wolfsbane, if you want to do it you need to be able to perform the actual task without errors. You will not receive the full formula until later on, you wouldn't understand it now anyways. We have to start somewhere else."

Remus nodded. What Severus said made sense, of course, and it even seemed as if there was a plan Remus couldn't yet fully see.

"I'm fine with that. Where do we start?"

He felt the equivalent feeling of rolling up one's sleeves, just that he was wearing a faded T-shirt sporting the emblem of a Muggle Airline on the chest, an old freebie he had felt was perfect for the possibly stain-inducing task of brewing.

Severus seemed surprised at the sudden outburst of positivity.

"One always starts at the beginning."

He pointed to the wooden cutting board in front of them.

"This is a cutting board, rather obviously, made from ash wood. Ash is a fine wood, reacting to almost nothing, and thus is perfectly suited for a potion as sensitive as wolfsbane. The basic rules, learn them: no silver, no sugar, no blood, no essential oils. Did you understand that?"

As if Remus would ever handle a silver knife, really. But he nodded duly.

"Good. Wash your hands."

Swallowing whatever retort was on his tongue Remus obeyed. Back at the working table Severus pointed towards the rather impressive knife.

"One knife will do for today. Be careful, it is in a good condition and sharp. Use the lower part to peel, the full blade to cut."

Remus took the knife. It was heavy and well-balanced in his hand, obviously well-used and cared for. He pointed towards the bowl with the collection of tubers.

"And these are?"

Now Severus didn't even attempt to hide his grin.

"Aconitum tubers. One of the basic ingredients for wolfsbane, rather rare and difficult to find. Look them up tonight and memorize the information."

Listening carefully Remus eyed the tubers and decided to take one. To his surprise Severus didn't object, but instead gestured at the bowl for Remus to continue whatever he had planned. Picking up a medium-sized tuber Remus carefully weighted it in his hands. It felt very familiar in texture, weight and smell. Pausing he brought it closer to his face and sniffed. Then he grimaced.

"That's a potato, you git."

For a second he thought Severus would break out into full laughter. But in the very last minute he controlled himself and allowed only a broad, rather mischievous grin to appear on his face.

"Of course it is. Aconitum tubers are a pain in the ass to find, I spent the past two nights in the Forbidden Forest digging them up. And all that to let you muck them up with your untrained knife work? No. Potatoes have very similar properties, and you will learn everything you need by using them. Every hour one of the houseelves will come by and pick them up. I do belive there will be fried potatoes for dinner."

It was obvious that Severus really enjoyed this a bit too much. For a short second Remus wondered whether he would get the first word of a hex out, but chances were high that he'd be dead before he could even draw his wand. Biting his tongue he shook his head.

"You have a strange kind of humor, really."

Severus, still grinning, only crossed his arms in front of his chest again.

"General opinion says I don't have any. And now work."

Growling something rather unpleasant Remus took the first potato, weighed the knife again and as precisely as possible started to peel it. The last time someone had watched him peel a potato like a hawk had been when he was about five years old and learned how to handle a rather blunt little knife, and it had been his mother worrying for his fingers. Severus seemed to worry about something entirely different.

"Next time make sure you're more careful and don't lose to much flesh. Cutting techniques for Aconitum are easy, but I have to demonstrate you how it works."

Without commentary Remus handed knife and tuber over to Severus and moved to the side. With trained movements the potato was placed on the cutting board and Severus explained what he did while doing it.

"You keep the tuber to the cutting board with the right hand, balancing the knife with the left. One longitudinal cut" - the tuber fell apart - "and then cutting small slices off the two parts. You want them to be as thin as possible, as the tuber is supposed to dissolve later on in the potion."

With precise and fluid cuts the tuber fell apart. Remus watched carefully, registering the method, but also how Severus had obvious troubles with his injured wrist. But neither of them mentioned it. The first tuber went into the prepared bowl, and Remus took the knife back.

"Knives are traditionally handled with the left hand, by the way, but you can use your right. It's not like you will ever take an examination by the guild."

Remus changed the knife from his right to his left hand.

"I'm right handed, but I want to learn the proper way."

He wasn't sure, but it seemed as if there was a hint of appreciation in Severus' raised eyebrow. Quickly Remus peeled the next tuber. Placing it down on the cutting board he made the longitudinal cut, and the tried to chop the slices as thin as Severus had done. It didn't quite work out, though. And he was much slower.

"Wait. First, don't hurry. Cutting techniques take a long time to learn, it is about muscle memory. Cut slow, but don't use brute force. This knife is very sharp, you don't need strength from the wrist. It might also injure your hand. Use a rocking movement."

Remus tried again, but he didn't quite understand what Severus meant. He heard Severus sigh, and looked up.

"I thought it wouldn't work just by explaining, it hardly ever does. Let me explain it to you once more." He took two steps closer, and was suddenly very much in Remus' private space. Remus didn't move, needing a few seconds to understand what was happening.

"Listen. Alchemy is a rather physical science. Specific motions have to be felt to be understood correctly, muscle memory doesn't build itself from watching someone doing it. Can you cope with things like that?"

While Remus' brain was still computing what Severus really meant his head already nodded, and Severus, seemingly giving in to his fate, sighed again.

"Fine."

And without further ceremony he took a step directly behind Remus, placing both hands on Remus' hands holding knife and tuber, and like that being able to carefully guide him showed the cutting technique once more.

That might have been a good method for teaching specific movements, but Remus' mind was certainly somewhere different. Although Severus was hardly touching him the physical closeness was slightly overwhelming. Remus' nose easily picked up on the scent of wood and Earl Gray again, and his memory added opium, smoke and that velvet in Severus' voice. It didn't help that he could hear Severus' now very matter-of-fact voice far too close to his ear, and feel bony shoulders next to his own. Severus had the perfect height for that particular way of guiding movement, tall enough so he could easily look at the cutting board over Remus.

"Hold the tuber like this, and rock the knife back and forward without strength. Remember that movement."

Remus nodded, praying to whatever saint was the right one in his current situation that his ears wouldn't turn warm. Or that Severus would notice something else. Carefully controlling his breathing he tried to fix mind and gaze on the tuber and ignore the fact that Severus had awfully long fingers, and that they wrapped perfectly around his own. Even with the scratching bandage and ignoring the fact that his skin was strangely cold.

The tuber fell apart and Remus tried to smile.

Then Severus was gone and moved quickly around the table again so they were facing each other once more over the cutting board. Automatically Remus reached for the next tuber. He started to peel it again, somehow still feeling the touch of Severus' hands on his own. This was far more confusing than it was supposed to be. Severus saw his face, but to Remus' luck he interpreted it in a quite different way.

"I can reassure you that I'm not particular fond of physical closeness either. But the traditional teaching of Alchemy has always depended heavily on it, and I would venture the guess that it cannot be taught any other way. Because of this it is difficult to teach it in official institutions beyond a certain level. A traditional apprenticeship between a master and an apprentice is based on trust and a certain sense of intimacy. Physical proximity is a part of it and can hardly be avoided. I understand that you are not pleased, but right now I don't see a way around it. And you can trust me when I say that I've been looking for one."

His whole body language made that crystal clear. Remus needed a moment to find the best answer. For a second he contemplated telling Severus that he absolutely didn't mind physical interaction, although he'd prefer other places then a lab for that. Instead he just tried to smile reassuringly.

"No, I don't mind. I just wasn't aware of it. It's fine with me."

Severus wasn't completely convinced, but he just shrugged.

"If you say so. Then get to work. There are many potatoes in that bowl."

With that he turned around and wandered over to his makeshift desk where he sat down and pulled some books towards him. Completely ignoring Remus he picked up a pencil, and focused on a text. Watching him for a short moment Remus realized that he was left-handed - the pencil was dangerously balanced between his index and middle finger of the left hand.

Then he forced his concentration back on the bowl with potatoes.

Cutting and peeling, cutting and peeling - he soon found a routine. Working slowly at first he quickly realized how he had to handle the knife and tuber best, and his work gained momenutum. But the mountain of potatoes in the first bowl didn't shrink, and the other bowl didn't seem to get any fuller. The silence in the room helped him sinking deep into concentration. The only noises were the chopping sound of the knife on the wood, the soft fall of the peel and sometimes the sound of pages being turned or Severus' pencil scratching on paper.

Both men were deeply lost in their concentration and startled when a houseelf appeared in the lab with a soft "plopp". Severus' pencil dropped to the ground and rolled underneath the table.

The little creature took the bowl and looked at its content.

"Very good, Professor Lupin, very good potatoes!"

The creature's enthusiasm was real, but then it was gone as quickly as it has appeared.

"Very good!"

Remus enjoyed the praise, even if it came from a houseelf who cared for kitchen-style cut potatoes and not for potion-ready tubers. Severus looked up from his quest for the fugitive pencil.

"Take care that you keep your back straight while working. Shoulders down, otherwise you'll suffer severe back pain tonight."

Finally seeing his pencil he got up to pick it up from the ground. It was the first time Remus had seen him actually crouching down to collect something from the ground. The next tuber already in hand he couldn't help but comment.

"No magic?"

Straightening himself upright again with his pencil Severus shook his head.

"No unnecessary magic in the lab. Magical concentrations need to be kept low to ensure that every potion is only subjected to a precisely measured amount of it. Wolfsbane in particular. Thought you wouldn't need to learn that particular rule, granted you don't use wandless magic."

For a second Remus wondered if that was an insult, but Severus only returned to his desk and settled down to concentrate on his work again. Deciding to stay silent Remus did the same.

Time went by quickly. Remus fell back into his meditative state of mind quickly, letting his hands do the work while his mind was free to idle. He didn't know where the time had gone, but suddenly the sun was low and the enthusiastic houseelf had been back to collect the full bowl of cut potatoes three times. And then the bowl was empty and all the potatoes gone.

Remus felt his hands ache, realizing how tired his wrists really were and put the knife down. For the first time in about an hour he looked up from the wooden board.

Severus hadn't noticed anything. He was submerged in a stream of thought Remus couldn't even guess, eyes fixed to a page in his notebook. His face wore the same expression it had shown down in the dungeons when Remus had watched him calculate. The pencil still in his left hand he had put the fingertips of his right index finger to his lips. The cloud of concentration around him was almost tangible. Until Remus coughed, that was.

Startling Severus dropped the pencil again. This time it only fell onto the table, and he looked up.

"You are done?"

Remus nodded and showed the empty bowl. Severus pulled a small silver pocket watch from wherever he had kept it in his ratty lab robe. Checking the time and snapping it shut again he nodded.

"In time for dinner. I think the potatoes might be already fried."

Against his will Remus smiled.

"I'll leave then?"

Severus snorted and stood up.

"You won't. Who works has to clean, golden rule. And no magic, if you remember."

He was supposed to do what? Washing up? But there were spells for that, very efficient ones, and -

But Severus facial expression told Remus that he wouldn't be using any spell anytime soon. At least not in that lab. Giving in to his fate Remus carried the knife and cutting board to the sink. Severus in the meantime picked up a large brown glass bottle from the shelf.

"Use that instead of water."

The liquid was clear, softer then water, and felt strange. Carefully Remus sniffed his wet fingertips, a habit Sirius found disgusting but Severus strangely seemed to agree with.

"What is that? It doesn't smell like anything."

Severus nodded. "Because it has no smell. It's called Nihilio, a completely neutral liquid. Doesn't leave any traces, but cleans everything from equipment - fibers, particles, everything. A potion is easily spoiled by remains from other works, and Nihilio helps to prevent that. Even if we used spells in the lab it wouldn't work that well. Remember, Alchemy is a manual craft. Has always been, will always be."

Finally everything was clean, dry and stored where it belonged. For a short moment Remus still lingered, but then he picked the new lab coat up and walked over to the door. Severus had settled down at his desk once more.

"I'll see you at dinner, then?"

Looking up again Severus twirled the pencil between his fingertips.

"Probably not. Tomorrow, same time."

And Remus was dismissed.

Not an hour later he joined the other residing inhabitants of the castle at the table in the orchard. Hogwart's population seemed to shrink every day. It was the height of summer and most members of faculty were gone for vacation now. Only Minerva McGonagall, Pomona Sprout, Poppy Pomfrey and of course Albus Dumbledore remained. Sirius was gone to sniff out Privet Drive, quite literally, and Hagrid was looking for dragons somewhere in Norway. He had invited Remus to come along, but had quickly accepted Remus' polite refusal. The table seemed strangely big for so small a party, even more so since Severus' chair remained empty and Pomona was still in the greenhouses, though she had promised to join them later on.

So it was Remus who told the story of his first potions lesson in years, and coaxing laughter from his listeners described how difficult it was to cut potatoes just right. Albus in particular seemed to enjoy hearing all about Severus' teaching methods.

"Yes, he's right. To you it might seem strange, but a good potions master needs to know the basic principles by heart. And cutting techniques are so important! These days they are often neglected. But Severus had a good master in Basilius, he still learned them the old-fashioned proper way."

Poppy looked up from her salad.

"Basilius? Basilius Valentinus? Really?"

Albus nodded and Poppy was visibly impressed.

"I never knew Valentinus taught our Severus. That explains a lot, of course."

Remus and Minerva exchanged a glance and shrugged simultaneously. Albus explained willingly.

"Basilius Valentinus was one of the "Wise Five", a group of five incredibly old potions masters, legendary even while they were alive. Nicholas Famel was one of them, too. But while Nicholas was loved wide and far Basilius was, well, brilliant and very difficult. He hated taking apprentices, and tortured every single one he took on. Rumour had it he had only four in his whole life, Severus being the last one. He claimed to only ever take an apprentice in when they could match his intellect, quite a feat if you ask me."

Poppy nodded fiercely.

"He was specialized on healing potions and invented many of them. I read many of his works while training at St. Mungo's. How did Severus get him to take him on? And wasn't he far too young?"

Albus didn't try to hide his grin.

"Oh yes, he was very young. Rumour has it that they dueled, and Severus won. Nobody knows for sure, though. They were the perfect pair, precise, highly skilled, and with quite a temper. They had the most impressive shouting matches, even in public, throwing obscenities at each other in four languages simultaneously. Basilius loved to cuss his apprentices out in an old byzantine dialect, but Severus has the dirtiest latin I've heard, it was quite entertaining. They were always good for a scene. But when they actually worked together it was delightful to see and their combined efforts provided many spectacular results. When Basilius was killed Severus was devastated."

Minerva put down her wine glass.

"He was killed? How did that happen?"

The smile from Albus' face vanished.

"Well. It's not really official knowledge, you see. I guess I'm not supposed to tell you. But, well. Basilius was one of Tom Riddle's first victims. Nobody knows why, there were no traces left. They blew up his whole house, all that was left was a gleaming skull in the night sky. Happened only weeks after Severus had taken the master examination and moved out, most curious thing."

The relaxed atmosphere seemed to tense up. Pensively Poppy sipped on her wine.

"Did they interrogate him?"

Albus sighed.

"What do you think? Of course. Severus was the prime suspect, but he had good alibis, me being one of them. They declared him innocent soon. He doesn't speak of it. But he took it hard. I remember seeing Severus at his own father's funeral and he didn't bat an eye. But when Tom Riddle came for Basilius - I guess he never forgave Tom for that. But that's the past, and let's not dwell on these things. Remus, I hope you'll provide us with more wonderful dinner ingredients soon!"

Everybody smiled, and raising they wine glasses they toasted to that. The dark cloud of the past vanished as quickly as it had come.

Their happy conversation soon resumed, and enjoying the dinner and wine time went by quickly. The sun was already gone, and it was almost completely dark when Pomona Sprout appeared at the table. The large candles created a sphere of light around them, flickering in the dark.

Pomona was greeted enthusiastically, pulled her chair out and reached for the salad bowl while Minerva filled her wine glass with deep red burgundy.

"Forgive me for being late, I have so much work. Everything seems to grow so quickly in summer, it's insane. And then it's suddenly brown and dead, one has to watch the greenhouses like a hawk."

Chatting she picked up her fork and started to eat.

"By the way, do we know who's leaving the cigarette buds lying around by the Great Portal?"

She stopped, chewing on a carrot and threw a glance around the table.

"Well, I was just wondering. Does anyone here smoke?"

Remus had a faint idea, remembering a cigarette glowing in the dark, balanced between pale long fingers. Minerva shrugged. "Sirius Black does, right? But he hasn't been around the past days."

Albus shook his head disapprovingly.

"I don't think anyone here - well, maybe - Remus, do you have any idea?"

Surprised Remus shook his head and swallowed the olive he had chewed.

"No. I certainly don't smoke. And I haven't seen Sirius with a cigarette in ages."

To buy himself time he picked his own glass up, sipping on the velvety wine.

"I never meant to imply that it was you, Remus. It rather seems that Severus has picked up one of his bad habits again."

He wrinkled his nose, visibly not enjoying the idea.

"Severus is a smoker? Seriously?"

Minerva was surprised, shaking her head.

"And have you heard, they say he's a Death Eater."

The comment came as a soft whisper out of the darkness surrounding the table, smooth silk sliding down Remus' senses, tempting and dangerous. Then Severus appeared in the candlelight, standing directly behind Albus' chair. Nonchalantly he leaned down on Albus shoulders with his elbows, his wrists and long hands dangling leisurely, the right wrist covered with the already worn bandage, between the fingers of his left hands a fresh cigarette. Directly above his wrist, illuminated by the candle light were black lines burnt into pale skin - the Dark Mark, ugly and very visible.

"Dramatic entrances have always been your thing, haven't they?"

Albus didn't seem surprised at all, and the sudden proximity to his personal spy didn't bother him. With a rather fatherly disapproving facial expression he took the cigarette from Severus' long fingers and it vanished in his hands.

"Old habits die hard."

Albus shook his head slightly, and it seemed to Remus as if he was examining the Dark Mark on Severus' wrist. Then he carefully took both of Severus' hands and pushed him away. For a short second Remus thought he had seen Albus' thumb pressing against the dark lines in Severus' skin and how the spy flinched at the touch. But he could be wrong, it could have been the candlelight. The flickering of the burning candles was unsteady, treacherous.

Sliding into his chair Severus called the wine bottle to him and poured himself a glass of wine. Leaning back he concentrated on the fully bodied wine for a second.

"How do we come to enjoy the pleasure of your company? I see you do have plans?"

Minerva's question focused the whole table's attention on Severus even more. But he didn't seem to mind, simply continuing to sip his wine. It gave them all enough time to stare him down. He had changed since Remus had seen him last in the lab, and it was hard to miss that he wore mugglestyle clothing. Dark denim and a black shirt, made out of what seemed to be very fine lightweight cotton, black, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and two buttons opened casually. And if there was one thing that could distract Remus from his thoughts it was a well-fitting pair of jeans on good legs. Damn.

"Indeed, I'll be gone in a few minutes."

Albus took the chance.

"So while you're gracing us with your presence - why did you start smoking again?"

Severus rolled his eyes and leaned back even further in his chair, with a pose equivalent to an annoyed slouching teenager. Remus tried not to stare. Or grin.

"And you need to know that why?"

Albus clicked his tongue.

"You know exactly why. Basilius would smack some sense into you. A master doesn't smoke."

Grinning into his wine glass Severus shook his head.

"He wouldn't smack sense into me, as you put it, he would kill me, skin me and then use the hide for a dark spell or two. Lucky for me he resides in his private part of hell, and he'll have to wait with that until I can join him there. Anything else?"

But Albus wasn't done.

"Don't be smart, you know what I mean. You know exactly what cigarettes do to your sense of smell, and you also know - but why am I telling you that, you should know better."

Now it was obvious that Severus didn't approve of Albus' intervention into his private matters. Frowning he put down his almost empty wine glass. The remaining occupants of the table watched the exchange, and Remus was fascinated by the sudden dynamic he had never been aware of before.

"I do know that, thank you for the reminder. I will contemplate it on my way. Apologies for interrupting your dinner conversation."

With that rather recalcitrant remark Severus got up, pushed his chair back, nodded at nobody in particular and left the table. Within seconds he was out of the space lit by the candlelight, and vanished in the darkness. Albus tried visibly not to yell, but his voice was stern and carried far nevertheless.

"Where are you going?"

A few steps beyond the table a tiny green flame flickered, and seconds later the red dot of a cigarette glowed in the dark, disappearing into the distance quickly.

"Off to drink, smoke, pillage and plunder!"

Severus sounded as if he was inches away from a temper tantrum, but then the red dot vanished in the distance and he was gone.

Albus wasn't amused, but Minerva smiled and patted his hand.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but he's actually an adult and can do whatever he wants."

Sighing Albus reassembled his features into his eternal smile.

"Yes, I do know. But I guess I will never not worry about Severus. You see, it comes natural."

Still smiling Minerva nodded.

"I know, Albus, I know. We all worry. It's our job, I think."

The conversation quickly returned to its former ease, but Remus listened only with half an ear. He hadn't been aware of the strange dynamic between Albus and Severus, who never spoke in public or interacted in any other way during the term. Everybody knew that Albus trusted his spy, and the same was true the other way around. But even during order meetings they kept their distance. It was strange to suddenly see that they seemed to share a connection that enabled them to banter and bicker with practiced ease and just the right amount of annoyance any good relationship needed. 

Picking up his wine glass and handing it over to Poppy for a refill Remus smiled. His shoulders were a bit sore and his wrists reminded him of all the chopping he had done that day, but all together he was quite impressed with todays' developments. Things were going to be exciting, that was for sure. Especially if Severus would wear that particular pair of jeans again.

Raising his glass Remus clinked it against Poppy's, and smiled.


	5. Lately I've been losing sleep

Remus dreams went far beyond their usual slightly insane spectrum these nights. He blamed the heat and the wine for it, turning his mind upside-down and connecting things that weren't supposed to go together.

In his dreams he wandered through spaces he had inhabited years, even decades ago. Scenes from his current life and from his past days melted together effortlessly. His parents' house sitting in a seedy London area, his school robes suddenly being covered in green slime, black smoke rising from a chimney with sparkling green particle inside. Then he suddenly was in a shady muggle club in London he had frequented a long time ago as a reluctant regular, coming to drink, dance, forget and sometimes get a quick blowjob in the men's room or take a not-very-ladylike lady home. He wasn't proud of it, but what could he do? He was young and broke, poor, and the wolf was hungry.

Weaving his way through the crowds he marveled how everything still looked the same. Music from the last decade was blasting through the speakers, and as Remus made his way to the bar here and there a hand touched him, measuring him up - a hand with painted red nails on his shoulders, a rough hand giving his bum a solid smack. He needed alcohol, for sure, and then it could be a fine night. Sweat was already pooling on his forehead.

He made it to the bar in one piece, finding a small free spot and wrenching himself in. His drink, with not enough vodka for his taste, arrived quickly. Leaning back against the bar he scanned the room, searching for an opening, a song, an opportunity. Then he looked to his right, and suddenly there was more space and a bar stool, and perched on top of it was Severus. Much younger than now but older then he had been during their school days, with less lines on his face and long open black hair all the way down to his shoulders. He wore the insanely tight jeans their generation had wanted, and a black t-shirt ripped at the collar, revealing just enough pale skin and collarbone to make Remus nervous. He balanced a glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other, looking for all the world as if he belonged there.

"What are you doing here?"

Even in his dream Remus was surprised. Severus smiled, dangerously, and sucked on his cigarette. His voices melted effortlessly into the music. It sounded younger, but there was still that edge, the slight amusement telling the world that nothing could touch him.

"What are your fucking eyes for if you can't even see things?"

So Remus used his eyes. He couldn't help but follow the cigarette from his downwards, dangling between the fingers as if it was glued to the skin and would never fall. Remus hadn't arrived back at Severus' face when he realized that his left wrist was empty. Pale skin, stretched over too visible blue veins, but no Dark Mark. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't. Severus exhaled the smoke and smiled, that slightly crooked smile he had worn back in the opium den, doing what he called his business. Which, essentially, entailed behaving like a cheap whore.

Then he raised his glass to his lips and Remus realized that while the left wrist had been free of any signs of Voldemort his right one was covered in dark red liquid. With every inch that Severus was raising the glass the dark red ran down faster, soon dripping from his wrist, red streaks running down to his elbow, vanishing in the dark beyond their bar stools. Remus felt his head spin.

Sipping his drink Severus put the glass down again, casually leaving it dangling in the air. But Remus couldn't take his eyes of his wrist, suddenly seeing everything, the slashed skin, cut veins, blood running from them with the pulse of a slowly dying heartbeat. He felt panic rising in him, trying to say something, anything, but he couldn't.

Then suddenly a pale hand appeared from behind Severus, belonging to someone but not belonging, leaving Remus utterly clueless. It settled down on Severus shoulder, claiming ground. Mine, it said. A thumb caressing pale flesh, deep set collarbone, up a too exposed throat. Severus let his head drop back, slightly, regarding Remus through half-closed eyes, thick eyelashes over pale skin. And all the time the blood was running, falling down, vanishing in the dark.

Remus opened his mouth, but Severus silenced him, rising his bloodied right hand.

"It's fine."

Shaking his head Remus disagreed, but suddenly the music was so loud in his ears and he couldn't make himself heard, couldn't say anything, couldn't reach Severus. All he saw was red blood on pale skin, the hand caressing cheekbones, and then he fell.

He awoke with a start, covered in sweat, staring into the darkness of his bedroom.

What a strange dream. Nothing really made sense, even though the symbolism was hardly anything spectacular or new. Apparently even in his dreams he tried to explain things with lame metaphors, somehow, or understand them. With booze. In a club. Well. Maybe he should go out more often. Get a good blowjob in a men's room that would finally wipe Severus from his mind for good.

He turned around in his bed, punching his pillow to fit his head, detangled his sheets, but nothing worked. He was awake, and far too agitated to fall asleep again. A whispered "Lumos" brought light, and he considered reading for a while. His current book selection was disappointing at this time of the night: one of Sirius' beloved crime novels, a treatise on Shakespeares' social relationships, short stories by Hemingway, some more historical novels. Nothing appealed to him.

Then he decided to work, because work was good and helpful and kept one's brain in line. The Alchemy book from his desk came floating through his bedroom door easily. It was heavy and sturdy in his hands, and the numbers and diagrams inside provided his mind with something solid and undebatable to cling to. There was no blood on the book, just lots of spilled potions and ink blotches. He fell asleep with the pages on Scottish forest environments and their impact on herbal cultivation open.

When he woke up again the sun was high in the sky. He needed a longer shower than usually to chase away the hollow feeling in his gut, and a brisk walk around the castle towards the orchard to fully return to his reality. Still Remus couldn't shake of the suspicion that he'd need more hours of sleep the next night.

The breakfast table was empty, but considering the time Remus wasn't surprised. He poured himself tea, and opened the Alchemy book he had carried all the way down to the garden. When he looked up from his second bowl of fruit salad he saw Albus crossing into the orchard.

"Good morning. It's hard to sleep well in this heat, isn't it? I had the weirdest dreams last night, you wouldn't belive them." Smilin as always Albus pulled out a chair and sat down directly opposite of Remus. He only nodded, not really wanting to know what someone who had lived as long as Albus might dream of. Instead he poured Albus a cup of tea and pushed the sugar pot into his general direction. Spooning more sugar into his cup then Remus' mother would have thought appropriate Albus continued.

"What a pity Sybil isn't here. We could've told her our dreams and she would tell us what they meant. Wouldn't that be useful?"

Remus couldn't shake the suspicion off that he knew exactly what his dreams meant, but somehow didn't really want to consider it further. And he certainly hoped that Albus wouldn't inquire further into that matter. But the headmaster had spotted the rather large Alchemy book and already examined the opened page.

"Herbology? You should take a walk through the Forest, most of these herbs grow here in perfect condition." Curious Remus concentrated on the book, and the next minutes were spent with a general introduction into the biological ecosphere the Forbidden Forest housed and the plants Remus would find there.

When they had agreed on more than twenty different herbs growing close to the castle Remus was done with his breakfast and Albus emptied his cup.

"So I will take a walk and see if I can find any. It must be useful for Severus to have that many ingredients here."

Putting his cup back on the saucer Albus nodded.

"Yes, it's very useful. The forest is a fascinating place, it's not all dangerous creatures of course. There are many beautiful spots. You should ask Severus to give you a tour, he knows it very well from his various expeditions. And he's not afraid of the big spiders, which I personally find rather reassuring whenever we go out."

Remus himself wasn't particularly fond of the giant crawling spiders as well, but he wasn't scared of them. Though he'd need to think a minute before he could find the perfect repelling spell. Getting up Albus interrupted his train of thought.

"If you excuse me, I do need to have a look at today's mail. I think I just heard the owls arriving. Enjoy your walk through the forest. Somehow I feel like I need to take a day off soon."

Remus closed the book and nodded.

"You're working too hard. Do you know the time? I think it's rather late and I don't want to miss my appointment with Severus tonight."

Pulling a small delicate pocket watch out of the pocket of his robes Albus threw a glance at it.

"Five minutes past eleven already. But I am not sure whether your meeting will take place today. As far as I'm informed Severus hasn't yet returned."

Surprised Remus looked up. "He's still gone?"

Albus' smile seemed to shrink a little.

"Yes, but don't worry. I'm sure he will be back in time. Severus always comes back home. Sometimes it just takes a while."

With that he nodded once more towards Remus and left the orchard. Remus remained at the table a while longer, turning pages in the alchemy book, but not really reading them. Instead he looked at the pictures and drawings of herbs. Finally he picked himself up and decided to really take the walk through the woods Albus had recommended.

With a quick spell the Alchemy book shrank into a far more portable size, and looking around he gathered a few of the table napkins. A small spell, some wand-waving, and the napkins transformed into a useful pouch he could place over his shoulders. Pocketing his wand again he couldn't help but smile. He always had been good with transformation spells, and it felt good to know that he could still do it without effort. Working with Severus made one forget one's own qualities sometimes.

The newly transformed pouch over his shoulders he made his way over to the forest. It was already a hot day and the sunlight was bright and heated his skin up quickly. Reaching the outskirts of the forest he couldn't help but sigh in relief. Stepping into its cool shadows was pleasant, and the cool breeze rustling among the trees felt welcoming. The scent of wood in the heat, the liquid pitch running from the bark and the various plants growing in the underwood were a sensatory delight. Inhaling deeply he tried to pick apart the various smells.

Deeper and deeper he strolled into the forest, looking for plants and herbs as he went. Soon he found the first more common plants: herba ferrum and young salvia elegans, with its leaves smelling of pineapple. He picked them carefully and placed them in his pouch, sometimes verifying that he had indeed the right plant for his purpose by looking at the shrunken book.

The longer he walked the darker the forest became. Large trees grew high into the sky, their crowns touching and creating a solid roof above Remus' head. Even the strong sun rays of the summer day didn't make it through that natural barrier. But suddenly he stepped out of the forest's dim light into the brightness of a clearing. It was a beautiful space, almost perfectly round, with only one single tree standing in the middle, a small basswood tree not even four meters high.

The clearing felt strangely familiar, and looking around Remus realized that it was the one where he had disapparated to London with Severus not even two weeks ago. They had taken a different way through the forest then. He must have crossed the magical border protecting Hogwarts, that invisible shield woven around the school, preventing anyone from apparating into or out of the area. It was calm.

Then he suddenly smelled verbena. There was no way mistaking the fresh and green smell, a hint of lemon and something bittersweet. Looking around he found the bush quickly. It grew right next to the opening where Remus had entered the clearing, now in summertime covered in little white blossoms. Walking over Remus inhaled the smell. Carefully he tried to break a few small branches loose, but the wood was sturdy and he needed some force.

Just when he was done and held a good bushel of branches complete with leaves and white blossoms in his hand he felt a sudden change in atmosphere on the clearing. Not two seconds later he heard an almost inaudible "plop" sound, and Severus stood next to the basswood tree.

He was just as surprised as Remus, and for a second they simply stared at each other. Remus was the first one to break the silence.

"Good morning, I guess."

Visibly confused Severus blinked.

"What are you doing here?"

His voice was rough, coarse around the edges, and very tired. He didn't look as if he had slept at all the past night, of if he had slept it hadn't been in a comfortable space. And he was hurt, a bloody scratch running down from his cheekbones to his jaw, a straight line down the right side of his face. 

"Herbology for beginners. Have you been home last night and then went out again?"

For a brief moment Severus looked utterly confused, a rare view that Remus found quite entertaining.

"No, why?"

Pointing at Severus' chest with the verbena branches he held Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Because I don't remember you wearing that when you left last night."

There was a sudden hint of embarrassment in Severus' face, but it was gone immediately.

"None of your business. I'll see you later."

With that he turned on his heel, but Remus moved in quickly and walked by his side.

"I'll come with you, I'm on my way back as well."

His face set, lips a thin tight line Severus couldn't do anything but shrug. Walking side by side through the woods in silence Remus had another chance to observe him once more.

If the shirt hadn't been that flashy he might not even have noticed it. But he distinctly recalled the understated yet expensive elegance of the black cotton Severus had worn last night, and it had absolutely nothing in common with the dark green silk he wore now. It was obvious that it wasn't his shirt. To whomever it belonged had distinctively broader shoulders, and the shirt didn't drape exactly right over Severus' thin frame.

But the ill-fitting cut wasn't the most obvious thing. Remus didn't really know where he could start to stare. Was it the very shiny silk fabric? The dramatic band collar, resembling some sort of asian fashion? Or the buttons, silver in colour, that were actually tiny snakes curled up, and, if Remus saw that correctly, sometimes moving? It was simply all too much to be elegant any longer, although the fabric alone must have cost half a fortune.

He desperately wanted to know, but he couldn't ask. And if he read Severus' body language right it would be smart to keep his mouth shut if he wanted to live through the day. But granting himself another indiscretion he most carefully and discreetly as possible sniffed. The scents of the woods almost overrode anything and Severus carefully kept his distance from Remus, but the path wasn't exactly spacious and they had walk close to each other sometimes to avoid getting tangled in the underwood.

Remus' nose picked up on smoke, lots of it, and quite a bit of alcohol. Whisky, probably. Some dried sweat. And most prominently a horrific scent of artificial amber, lavender and musk, probably coming from the shirt. Remus couldn't help but wrinkle his nose. Musk was one of the most appalling scents around, and he would never understand why anyone would voluntarily spray it on themselves.

Soon they reached the outskirts of the forest, and the view over the castle was stunning. For a brief moment Severus stopped and watched.

"Beautiful, right?"

Remus smiled, but Severus didn't reply and simply moved on.

To Remus' surprise they were met halfway by Albus Dumbledore. He must have known they were coming, but how? Waving he came closer.

"Remus, what a nice surprise. You went out looking for herbs and found Severus."

Severus only nodded curtly. Stopping right on front of them Albus' smile vanished.

"And what happened to you?"

Once more confused Severus blinked. In the bright sunlight the scratch was far more visible than it had been in the forest, dried dark blood on white skin. Severus needed a moment to realize what Albus meant, and then touched his face as if he wasn't sure the scratch was really there.

"Nothing in particular. It will heal."

Sighing Albus looked at him with a tired glance, his bright blue eyes unblinking. Remus didn't need to know more beyond his basic knowledge of Legilimency to understand that something was going on that he couldn't see or hear. Then Severus broke their eye contact and looked to the ground. Albus shook his head softly and took a step closer.

"Really, you can't be left alone for a minute. Hold still."

He closed the distance between them and carefully reached out, placing his index finger under Severus' chin. For a moment Remus thought Severus would flinch and try to avoid the touch, but he kept himself in check and remained where he was.

With slow and careful moves Albus turned Severus' head slightly, and ran his thumb down the scratch softly. It was only a tiny movement, the slightest of touch, but Severus' eyes fell close immediately and he seemed to relax visibly. He only opened his eyes again when Albus removed his hand. The scratch was gone.

"There, as good as new. Just don't tell Poppy, she doesn't like me doing her work. I'll see both of you later."

Remus smiled and nodded, while Severus seemed still a bit dazed, needing another moment to fully return to reality. Albus was already three steps away when he turned around, giving Severus another once-over before shaking his head and yelling over his shoulders.

"And tell Lucius that his taste is appaling. For such a distinguished gentleman his fashion sense is rather weak."

Then he nodded once more and was gone. Remus felt the thoughts in his head swirling, but he also tried not to break into laughter and simply allowed himself a grin. Severus shot him an acid stare that reminded Remus considerably of the boy he had gone to school with a very long time ago.

"Say a word and you're dead."

Then he moved on, as quickly as the effort of keeping his pride intact allowed. Remus gave him the space, waited until he was gone, and then finally allowed amusement to take him over. But a small part of his mind wasn't pleased with the idea that the shirt might indeed have belonged to Lucius Malfoy. He didn't like thought of the arrogant bastard talking Severus out of his clothing successfully when Remus himself didn't make it any further than a distanced conversation about ingredients.

A few hours later Remus walked into Severus' private lab, this time with a matter-of-course stride and his leather pouch in his hand. Severus sat at his desk, dressed once again in his usual working attire, reading a book. Upon Remus' entrance he looked up, his face still set into a rather unpleasant frown.

But Remus only smiled in return and put his pouch on the table.

"I brought the herbs I picked in the forest, I guess you could answer a few questions I have?"

Still not quite eradiating warmth Severus placed his book down, stood up and crossed the room.

"Let me see. Do you have the coat?"

Quickly Remus unfolded the lab coat. He had done the necessary transformation just before he had come to the lab, correcting the length and shortening the sleeves. There was no point in pretending that he was as tall as Severus, even if he had always dreamt of adding a few inches to his height. Now it fit him perfectly. He shrugged it on, buttoned it up and enjoyed Severus' mildly approving nod.

"It will do."

He'd probably wait until Judgement day if he ever wanted a compliment from Severus. But it was better than some scathing remark, and so Remus emptied the content of his pouch onto the table. Quickly Severus sorted through them, picking the individual herbs apart without taking even a short moment to think.

"Herba ferrum, and Salvia elegans, still very young. You can see that the wood is already solid, but not yet as hard as it will be very soon."

In a gesture Remus knew perfectly well from himself Severus turned a small piece of Herba ferrum between long fingers and then carefully sniffed it.

"Both plants are typical for our region and currently in season, which means that they are at the height of their alchemical potency. Anything else?"

But the pouch was empty. Remus had placed the verbena branches on his own desk, waiting for them to dry and until then letting them fill his room with their fresh scent.

"Of course there's more, but for now that isn't that bad. Herba ferrum is actually a part of wolfsbane, but also useful for a variety of potions because it stabilizes the mixture and makes brewing more easy, especially when working with highly volatile potions. It hardly reacts with most basic ingredients or tools. And what is Salvia elegans good for?"

Remus hadn't expected a question and needed a second to sort through his internal herbology database. To his surprise Severus waited patiently.

"Sage has anti-inflammatory properties, I guess same goes for Salvia elegans? And the leaves smell of pineapple."

Severus nodded, visibly satisfied with the correct answer. Remus sniffed the sage leaves and enjoyed the strangely fruity scent.

"Five points for Gryffindor?"

Raising an eyebrow Severus put the plants down.

"Over my dead cold body. Sage is anti-inflammatory, that is correct. Salvia elegans is a minor subspecies of common sage and has more or less the same properties. But as young plant it's much more potent than common sage. Like herba ferrum it's used in the wolfsbane, mostly because it helps to stop inflammatory reactions in overstretched and ripped muscle tissue, preventing pain and speeding up the healing process."

Remus needed a moment to sort through this.

"So these are side affects of the wolfsbane? I always suspected it to do much more than simply keep my head clear, but I wasn't sure."

Severus shrugged.

"Of course, it seemed appropriate to fine-tune it as much as possible. Although the potency balance is incredibly delicate, there wasn't much room to do a lot."

Of course the transformations had been easier with wolfsbane, but Remus had never been too sure about the exact way it worked. And somehow he had always accredited his current safe surroundings with making everything a bit easier, a bit less painful. He hadn't been sure about the potion.

"How does it work?"

Sorting the herbs once more Severus sighed.

"You won't understand it just yet. There's a base enhanced by a lot of magic doing most of the work, and some added ingredients with useful side effects. Roughly said there is Salvia elegans to prevent inflammation, a verabascum extract to reduce pain and swelling, a high concentration of willow bark which helps to reduce the pain more, and basswood powder to calm the nerves and thus prevent unnecessary agitation and muscle cramps."

Remus was impressed.

"And all of that on top of the regular potion? How long did it take to test all the variations?"

Now slightly annoyed Severus put down the Herba ferrum he was just holding and crossed the room again.

"It took a while. Especially pain killers are very difficult to work into potions. Most react with almost everything and destroy the balance. It takes a lot of experience and patience. Willow bark isn't very strong, but it was the strongest I could use. But it works, at least judging from your reports."

Remus nodded, but Severus had just vanished into the storage room and couldn't see it. The willow bark worked indeed, easing the transformation, and even reducing the pain so much that sometimes Remus could spent the days after the transformation feeling only sore and not as if his whole body had been ripped apart and stitched together again by some mad scientist.

When Severus returned he carried two brown glasses, sealed with cork and neatly labeled. Putting them down he wanted to say something, but Remus was faster.

"How do you know so much about painkillers?"

Frowning Severus looked down on the glasses and carefully started to remove the cork.

"I know a thing or two about pain. Knowledge not applied is wasted. Look at this."

He pushed the glasses into Remus' direction and it was very clear that there wouldn't be any further discussion about how Severus exactly had gained this particular knowledge. And why he was aware of pain induced by werewolf transformation at all. Or thought about ways to ease it.

But Remus knew not to ask and concentrated on the glasses.

"While we're talking about ingredients you can learn about ways to preserve them. These are your two herbs, cleaned, dried and ready for use. Look them up in your book tonight and learn everything about them: potency, actual active components, places to find them and season."

Looking into the glasses Remus nodded and then spent the next hour learning how to prepare and dry herbs so they could be used as ingredients in various potions.

He was just about to cut the bark off the young Salvia elegans when it knocked and the door swung open with cheerful force. Into the room marched Albus Dumbledore, smiling as always, followed by the far too elegantly dressed Lucius Malfoy.

Remus almost dropped his knife. He hated Malfoy with a passion, and he knew that most sane people would absolutely agree with him. The man was too cold, too obviously evil and too arrogant for anyone to spent more than three minutes with him and not harboring the need to kill him.

And he was always dressed to make people like Remus feel like a piece of dirt. The same feeling started to rise in Remus once again, but then he thought about the snakes moving on the green silk earlier and somehow managed to feel better. Although keeping a straight face became difficult.

"Severus, I just had the pleasure to welcome Lucius Malfoy to Hogwarts for a short conversation. He asked me lead him to your lab, as he said he had something important to say to you."

Malfoy smiled, but it had nothing to do with emotions and looked more like a grimace. His black cloak was draped artfully over his shoulders, and his heavy boots made it look as if they were in the deepest gushes of winter. His cane tapped on the floor.

Severus seemed rather unfazed by the whole scenario. He straightened himself, brushed his hands off his dirty coat and threw a short glance to Remus. Then he shrugged.

"What a pleasure, Lucius. What do you want?"

His voice was smooth, with only the tiniest hint of displeasure tingeing the edges. But while Remus picked up on them easily it seemed that Lucius didn't. His smile broadened and he brushed a strand of bright blonde hair off his shoulders in a gesture that almost made Remus growl.

Albus nodded. "I will see you at the Ministry, then. Goodbye." And then he was gone, leaving Remus to wish that he could simply leave as well.

"A word, Severus, if you please."

Severus murmured something unintelligible, and cast a short glance at Remus.

"Just continue with your work."

Then he left, following Lucius out of the door. But they didn't shut it properly, whether intentionally or not, and Remus could hear their voices while he continued to scrape the bark off his Salvia branch.

"What can be so important? I dislike being disturbed."

Cursing his sensitive hearing Remus tried to concentrate on his branch. But he couldn't help hearing Malfoy chuckle.

"Considering I woke up alone today I felt I had to track you down. You forgot something."

The bark was rather stubborn, Remus found.

"I never forget things, as you might recall. It's a nasty little habit of yours, hiding other people's belongings."

Sage was good against inflammations in joints, yes. Remus tried to recount its other uses. Why didn't the bark simply do what he wanted it to do?

"And leaving in the middle of the night is one of yours. Will you never give that up?"

He heard Severus snort.

"No. Send Narcissa my regards. Your belongings will be delivered to you via owl. And I never want to see you in my lab again."

A slight hint of a threat, but Lucius seemed to be a difficult man to threaten at all. The Salvia elegans, in the meantime, didn't yield in the slightest, and Remus used a bit more force on the knife.

"Yes, you always say that. But why? I come with the best intentions. I found something of yours in my own house, and I'm bringing it back. Is there harm in that?"

Remus thought about clouds. Beautiful fluffy white clouds over a clear sky -

"Your best intentions have killed many a man."

Malfoy laughed again, softly, and the little hair on Remus' neck stood up. Clouds, damn it!

"So has your magic. But do I accuse you of that? I never would. You see, I'm a very generous man."

Sunny-day clouds. White clouds, traveling far, to foreign places, and the innocent sun shining. Yes.

"You're a birdbrained man, at best, and I will not go deeper into your less amicable character traits. Get lost, Lucius, or I'll show you the way out and you're very much aware of the fact that you will not enjoy that."

How many types of clouds were there? Remus wondered, attacking the branch once more with his knife. His ears were strangely hot.

There was silence in the corridor for a moment, shuffled steps, more silence, and Remus mind dropped the image of clouds immediately and went on to something he rather wouldn't want to think about. Out of nowhere rose the image of a pale hand, long fingers on prominent cheekbones, and he had a hard time chasing his dream away.

Then suddenly the door was opened, and Severus stalked back into the lab. The noise drew Remus back to reality rather abruptly, and he jerked the knife too hard. It cut through the sage and straight into Remus' thumb.

Immediately he took a step back, dropping the knife on the table. No blood on the cutting boards and ingredients, he remembered the rule exactly.

Severus picked up on the situation quickly.

"Sharp knifes, you might remember. How bad is it?"

Instinctively Remus hid his hand.

"Don't, my blood is highly contagious and - "

But Severus interrupted him brutally.

"Lycanthropy is only transmitted by blood on blood contact, as you should know. I have no open wounds on my hands. Now show me the cut before you flood my whole lab and I'll have to scrub the floor for weeks."

The cut wasn't big but almost bone-deep, and the blood was already dripping to the floor in small drops. In no time Severus picked a small box from between his books on the shelves and brought it to the table. There were band-aids and gauze, sterile bandages and a variety of vials.

He took a small piece of sterile gauze, drenched it with liquid from a vial and handed it to Remus.

"Put it on the cut, it cleans the wound and prevents infection. It could burn a bit."

That was the understatement of the century. As soon as the gauze touched Remus' wound it burned like fire, and for a short second he considered chopping his whole hand off. He had tears in his eyes immediately.

"Hell, what is that?"

Severus handed him a large band-aid.

"Disinfectant, what else. Go and see Poppy, she can clean you up properly."

Remus' finger pulsed horribly.

"No good with healing, are you."

Severus already reassembled the box and returned it to its shelf.

"Not a bit. But Poppy is a rather useful addition to the Hogwarts staff, and someone has to make sure she stays in training."

There seemed a grain of sad truth behind that statement that had nothing to do with Remus' finger, but for the moment the pulsing pain kept Remus' mind suitably occupied. It also chased away ideas about what had happened in the hallway right now.

"Go now, I'll clean up. At least you learned something today."

Remus protested, but Severus waved him away impatiently. Turning around one last time while he was already in the doorway Remus saw him leaning against his working desk, rubbing his forehead, his face set into a mask of deep thinking. His gaze was fixed on the blood on the floor, but Remus couldn't shake the idea off that his mind was somewhere entirely else.

But the pain in his finger prevented Remus from thinking about that longer, and he made his way over to the hospital wing. He wanted to keep his finger a while longer, after all. He might need his hands one day for more pleasant things than cutting potatoes and sage.


	6. Nobody's saint

Poppy took care of Remus' cut with a few quick spells and touches, and then send him away.

"I feel like telling you to go outside and play. But really, we have so few free days. Don't spent that much time with Severus, his work ethic is contagious and not very healthy."

Remus couldn't help but agree, thank her and decided to take half of her good advice. The days were going by fast, but for him that also meant that the time to accomplish his goal of brewing wolfsbane and seducing Severus was running up. So he collected his books and quill from his rooms and occupied the large table in the orchard.

With the chapters on Herba ferrum and Salvia elegans before him the time went by quickly, and the house-elves chased him away to set the table. Half an hour later he returned to a beautifully laid-out table and took a chair next to Minerva. Even Severus had come out of his lab, sitting next to Albus and involving him in a rather intense discussion on the molecular properties of Herba ferrum extracts. Or something like that.

Remus tried to listen and learn, but if he was honest with himself he didn't understand half of what they were saying. He only picked up on the fact that they didn't agree on something apparently important, and he enjoyed listening to Albus gently mocking Severus for furiously defending an approach apparently shared only by a minority of potion masters overall. Smiling Remus concentrated on his food and then questioned Pomona Sprout on the growth phases of certain plants. She was amused about his new passion for Herbology, but indulged him willingly with her knowledge.

"Sometimes I think our house-elves try to feed us all into obesity."

Minerva eyed the selection of sweets that had just appeared on the table with thinly veiled delight.

"The Panna cotta is especially delicious. Severus?"

Albus picked up a small glass bowl and held it into Severus' direction. But the potions master had been lost in thought, and startled when he heard his name. Shaking his head he waved Albus' hand away.

"No, thank you."

He quickly hid a yawn behind his hands. It hadn't bypassed Remus that he had grown silent the longer the dinner lasted, eating almost nothing and nursing a single glass of white wine. As soon as the dessert was gone he pushed his chair back and rose.

"If you'll excuse me."

Albus nodded and patted his arm.

"Of course. Go to bed. Did you get any sleep last night?"

Severus tried to answer, but whatever he had planned to say got lost in another yawn he hid in his hands.

"Apparently not. Go, you're not useful when you're that tired."

Nodding duly Severus tapped the table once with his left fist, and left.

With the twilight giving way to darkness the atmosphere at the table got more and more relaxed. With a single handmotion Albus placed small shining orbs into the trees, and the whole orchard suddenly twinkled in the night. Minerva filled their glasses with sticky lemon liquor she had brought from Rome, and especially Albus took an instant liking to the sugary alcohol. It wasn't quite to Remus' taste, but it went well with the Panna cotta and the laughter underneath the fruit trees.

Adding to the general amusement and fueled by the lemon liquor Minerva started to share some of her best anecdotes of several decades of serving as Head of Gryffindor. Remus was halfway amused and halfway mortified. He hadn't been aware of Minerva knowing everything about their little affairs and love adventures, and his ears stayed warm even though he joined into the general laughter. On the other hand he himself knew a lot more than his students would find appropriate, too, as was the curse of any teacher.

The laughter seemed to float around the table in waves, and the twinkling orbs in the trees matched perfectly with the starts glittering above them.

It was almost midnight when the lightness of the atmosphere was disturbed. Nobody had heard Severus coming, but suddenly a pale hand was placed on Albus' shoulder lightly and the candles on the table cast long shadows on him, still half-hidden in the shadows.

Dressed entirely in black he blended in perfectly with the darkness surrounding the table. The smell of burnt flesh hit Remus like a wave. He didn't need to look twice to understand what was going on, and the laughter at the table died quickly.

"Albus, a moment, if you please."

Without hesitating a second Albus got up, and followed Severus out of the immediate surroundings of the table. They spoke for a moment, still being the focus of everybody's attention, although they were too far away for anybody to understand their words.

Remus had never seen Severus or any other high-ranked Death Eater in their full regalia. He was used to Severus all in black, of course, but even his academic robes were light-weight, slim cut although they tended to billow around him. They hid his body perfectly, but they didn't do much to enhance his already impressive persona.

These robes were different. Heavy and visibly luxurious fabrics were artfully draped around him, the long cloak fastened to his shoulders in a complicated fashion. The large hood was still down and he held a pair of thin black leather gloves in his hand. Small details drew the eye of the beholder and led one to the conclusion that the robes were a clear sign of the wealth of their occupant. Small polished buttons gleamed in the light and the complicated draping of the fabric probably made it a pain to put on. The cloak wasn't made of entirely black fabric but rather of a delicately weaved texture, with ornamental decorations and an endlessly swirling complicated pattern.

There was not a hint of skin visible besides Severus' face and hands, and Remus knew that both would be covered soon as well. On a second glance he realized that Severus must have taken the bandage off his right wrist. 

For a moment everybody watched Albus speak without being able to pick out his words. Severus said only few words, and nodded. Then they moved even further away from the table, walking together towards the Great Portal. Straining his ears to catch a part of their conversation Remus could only hear the hem of Severus' heavy cloak softly brushing over the grass. He moved differently, even, slightly straighter, still with grace but also with a certain controlled power that was nothing but a thinly veiled threat. Remus wouldn't want to meet him in the dark alone, and yet somehow it was tempting, as every good evil had to be.

Then they stood in front of the portal for a moment, Albus suddenly small compared to Severus. They watched Severus put on the gloves, pull up the wide hood hiding his face. For a second something silver gleamed in the light from the lamps fixed to the Portal.

Suddenly they felt a tiny twist in the magical atmosphere surrounding them, and then Severus was gone.

When Albus returned nobody had refreshed the conversation again. In complete silence he sat down and picked his glass of wine up. It was Minerva who spoke first.

"And that tonight when he was so tired. It's good he could disapparate from the portal."

Albus nodded, swirling the wine in his glass.

"He can't pick when he's summoned. Tom has his own ideas and usually a rather bad timing."

Sighing Minerva nodded. But Remus' thoughts were somewhere else, and curiosity once more got the better of him.

"Was the silver flash we saw the mask?"

Albus nodded, but Remus' curiosity wasn't satisfied just yet.

"What does it look like?"

Sipping on his wine and putting down the glass Albus shook his head.

"Silver. There's a reason you don't know."

Surprise was uttered by more than one person. Minerva leant in.

"Care to enlighten us?"

Albus didn't seem to feel especially fond of the idea, but he gave in easily.

"You do know that all Death Eaters wear masks to hide their identity. Most of these are very similar. But the highest ranking followers wear specific masks, designed following their personal wishes, indicating rank and individual traits. First of all it was Severus' request that only I know how exactly his mask looks like. But apart from that it makes sense to keep it a secret, as one day you might stumble over him in a battle situation, and it could cost him his life if anybody picks up on his connection with the order."

Smiling reassuringly he emphasised his point with a hand motion.

"It will also save you nightmares, belive me. The robes and appearance are impressive enough, but the missing face is the most frightening thing about the whole masquerade. Tom did know what he was doing with that."

The atmosphere at the table in the orchard never returned to its former ease afterwards. They tried to keep up the conversation, and with the help of lemon liquor and sugary treats their efforts were mildly fruitful. But sometimes Remus caught himself or any of the others sharing the same thought, wondering what was happening so many miles away from them, and if Severus would make it home in one piece.

The following night proved that Albus wasn't always right. He had assumed that not knowing about the mask spared them nightmares, but Remus had a very active imagination, and his mind substituted knowledge with various options with ease. In his dreams he lay on the cold hard floor in a darkened room, surrounded by what he knew to be Voldemort's men. Their black clad bodies seemed to float around him in a circle, round and round, and their blank silver faces were the only thing visible in dim light. He knew he was bleeding, that he would be dying soon, that someone in the circle was already waiting to perform the spell, to say the two deadly words - but no one did. They simply turned in a circle, in complete silence and darkness, while Remus tried to move and couldn't, his limbs frozen in place.

When he woke up with a scream on his lips his sheets were drenched with sweat. Gasping for air he listened to his own voice vibrating in his dark bedroom for a moment. Heat, sugary alcohol and Death Eaters, it just didn't go together well. A swift glance at the clock on his nightstand told him that it was almost half past three in the morning, but he knew he wouldn't fall asleep again anytime soon. Again. He had to work on his dream-management, that was for sure.

His body needed movement, and he knew that exercising his legs would help against the onslaught of mental images. Chasing the floating blank faces from his mind he put on a t-shirt and some linen trousers, and left his rooms.

The dark castle was familiar ground. Smelling the stones, feeling the coolness rising from the hard floor, sometimes listening to the whispering stones - he had spent so many nights wandering alone through these corridors at night that it immediately soothed his mind. It was a form of walking meditation, his feet carrying him through the corridors with no aim, no apparent logic or sense of direction. He was alone with the night and the stones.

Remus had just ascended to the a higher floor when he noticed something odd about the dimly lit corridor in front of him. It was one of the few corridors not lit by torches but natural moonlight, with fourth large windows casting pale shadows on the floor. Each window had two window panes, separated in the middle by a richly ornamented column. The deep set window sills were comfortable lounging spaces, and students retreated to these rarely used areas to read in peace and enjoy the view over the grounds. Remus remembered going there himself, back in the days when sometimes the library was too dark and the common room too crowded.

Now three symmetrical shadows were on the stone floor, painting the outlines of the windows in weak light. But the fourth pool of moonlight showed an added silhouette, something dark perched on the window sill, motionless. Remus stopped, rooted to his spot at the top of the stairs. Nothing moved.

His mind went through his options quickly. His wand was back in his private rooms, and for a moment he deeply regretted leaving it there. Then rationality kicked in. Hogwarts was one of the safest places in the world, protected by a thick layer of active spells and many more of ancient magic nobody really understood. It was highly unlikely that someone had entered the castle unseen. And why should anyone or anything retreat to a rarely used corridor and wait there? Still thinking he sniffed.

There was an unmistakable scent of blood in the air, sickeningly sweet and heavy.

Carefully he took a few steps down the corridor, closing the distance between him and window and who or whatever was sitting there. It quickly became obvious that he damned well knew who was there, although it didn't make any sense to him why that particular person should be sitting in that particular spot at that particular time.

Trying to make more noise then necessary Remus sat down in the same window, a few inches away, carefully watching Severus.

He seemed to be asleep, but in a strange enough position. Seated in the middle of the bench created by the window sill he had his back against the ornamental column, very straight, his head leant against the stone. With eyes closed and hands folded in his lap he seemed as still as a statue. Gone was the large thick coat, but he was still wearing a stiff ensemble of frock coat and white shirt, his hair a sharp contrast with his white collar. The smell of blood was stronger the closer Remus came.

"Severus?"

It seemed like eternity until Severus blinked and opened his eyes. The moonlight wasn't strong, but even with that as only light source Remus noticed that his eyes needed a long time to focus. He didn't move beyond that, keeping his stiff and rigid position. Now close to him Remus noticed that something was odd about his breathing patterns, his shoulders moving unnaturally with every intake of breath.

"What're you doing here?"

His voice was soft, almost inaudible, and strangely thin. It seemed that speaking required more effort than he was able to put in.

"Taking a walk. And you?"

Something tugged at the edge of Remus mind and told him to open his bloody eyes and see, but somehow he couldn't figure out what the problem exactly was. Besides the fact that he had just found Severus in a darkened corridor, at the other end of the castle, far away from any space where he could realistically be expected to be. At almost four o'clock in the morning.

"Sitting."

The scent of blood was almost unbearable, but Remus couldn't quite detect where it came from. Severus seemed unharmed, at least from what Remus could see. He wasn't behaving like an injured man, not holding on to any specific body parts or hunching over. Only his stiff posture was somehow odd, as was the way his fingers were entwined. And why would he be take a break? Here? From what?

"Are you alright?"

Asking wouldn't hurt, but then Remus was sure he wasn't going to get an answer.

"Hm. Get lost."

It was an insult barely above a whisper, but it also seemed obvious that Severus wasn't in the mood or condition to deal with Remus. Still keeping his head leant against the column he closed his eyes again, his face a carefully composed mask of nothingness except for a few deep lines on his forehead. But Remus wasn't a man to take orders.

"No. Are you hurt?"

For a short second something like amusement ghosted over Severus' set face. He seemed to exhale carefully.

"Not your business."

Remus carefully inched towards him, closing the already short distance between them. The closer he came the more he picked up on scents he didn't like. Blood, dirt, sweat, something he couldn't place but suspected to be fear. He frowned. The tugging at the edge of Remus' mind became more persistent.

For a moment there was nothing but silence, disrupted by Severus' labored breathing that Remus could now even hear, sitting directly next to him. Remus mind was swirling with options and possibilities, but nothing made sense. He watched Severus once more from the side, picking up on small details. In the moonlight his skin seemed to be made out of thin paper. And then he noticed the tiniest of movement that had thus far evaded his observing eyes. Severus' hands, neatly folded, weren't as still as the rest of the man. Remus suspected that he hadn't noticed before because the way Severus held his hands hid most of their strange movements with what seemed to be practised ease. But it became more and more obvious that they were moving ever so slightly, twitching uncontrollably and softly shaking.

Surprised Remus moved before thinking, reaching over and placing his own hand on top of them. Severus flinched, pulled his hands away from Remus', relaxing his grip and thus effectively giving Remus exactly what he wanted. Without giving a damn that he had just invaded Severus' private space without even asking Remus caught Severus' now free left hand and cradled it in his own.

His skin was cold as ice, and the shaking of his fingers became even more recognizable in Remus' soft, but steady hold.

"You're freezing to death, how is that possible in this kind of heat? What the hell happened to you?"

The lines on Severus face deepened, but he was obviously not capable of fighting Remus' invasion. He shrugged, although it was very clear that he was deeply uncomfortable with the situation. Remus carefully tightened his grip around Severus' hand, massaging thin fingers softly as if it would help restoring their warmth. How could a man be half freezing to death in a corridor that was so warm? Dressed in so many layers of thick fabric? Remus would have died wearing all these heavy textiles, but they seemed to do nothing to stop the cold in Severus' bones.

"Let me try something else. How can I help you?"

It seemed like ages until Severus said something, but Remus was patient. He just sat there, watching him from the side, feeling the trembling of Severus' fingers against his own palms. His heartbeat was slightly out of control, but he attributed it to the fact that he had no idea what actually was going on.

"You could leave."

There was a hint of sarcasm in the whispered request, indicating that Severus was exactly aware that there was no way he would get rid of Remus anytime soon. Allowing himself a soft grin that Severus couldn't see through closed eyes Remus shook his head.

"No. Other ideas?"

Finally Severus sighed.

"Damn you. There's a vial. In the lab, on my desk. Not labeled." Speaking seemed to become more and more difficult, but Severus took only a short break and continued. "Clear liquid. Bring it."

For a brief second Remus wondered whether that was simply a plot to get rid of him, so that Severus could stay on the window sill and suffer in peace, but the request seemed genuine.

"Sure. Isn't the door locked?"

Severus blinked, opened his eyes for a short second, and seemed to focus on something. Then he nodded carefully, not moving any more than it was necessary.

"Not anymore."

With closed eyes leaning his head against the stone column he exhaled carefully. Remus nodded, although it was useless.

"I'll be back soon. Don't run away."

Severus snorted almost inaudibly.

"Not likely."

Releasing Severus' hand Remus stood up and quickly made his way down the corridor. When he turned around one last time he saw Severus slowly retreating into his former position, hands neatly folded in his lap, fingers entwined to keep the trembling under control. Then Remus turned around and ran all the way to the lab.

It was exactly as Severus had said. The door opened to Remus' touch, and a quick Lumos showed that there was indeed one single vial on Severus' working desk, placed there as if to make sure it wouldn't be forgotten. Picking it up Remus eyed it. It was a small vial, filled with a clear liquid, neatly corked and without any kind of label indicating what was inside. Only a single dot with black ink on the cork marked it as not containing water. Remus had no clue what could be inside, but that wasn't his exact mission anyway.

The door to the lab closed heavily behind him, and he made his way back.

When he arrived in the corridor again nothing had changed. Quickly he strode over, took his former spot on the window sill and held the vial out.

"I guess I found it."

Severus needed a moment to open his eyes and turn his head, every single movement carefully acted out as if he needed to actually think about how his body was supposed to move. With the same speed he held out his left hand, and Remus placed the vial inside.

For a short second he remembered that the vial was still corked and wondered how Severus would get the cork off with his rather uncoordinated hands. But apparently this wasn't the first time for something like this to happen, and Severus knew exactly how to open the vial. Pressing the nail of his thumb on a certain part of the cork it opened effortlessly and with a soft hiss.

"I see you got a system."

Remus nodded approval. He liked things that worked, that had been thought through and put to action, especially when tiny details were concerned. Severus hesitated only a short moment.

"Yes."

Then he placed the vial on his lips and downed the liquid. Putting the empty vial down again he carefully placed it on his right side, where the window sill wasn't occupied by Remus. Exhaling again he leant back and closed his eyes.

"What's in there?"

It was halfway genuine interest in the potion Severus used, and halfway worry about what exactly was happening. Severus didn't move an inch.

"Water."

Shaking his head Remus disapproved.

"You know I'm not that stupid."

In slow motion Severus shrugged. Remus wondered whether he would fall asleep anytime soon, and if it wasn't incredibly uncomfortable doing it sitting that straight.

"Are you going to stay here?"

Remus eyed the empty vial. What was that liquid?

"No. Half an hour, maybe more."

Half an hour? Did whatever Severus took need that much time to kick in? Sitting still Remus wondered for a moment what was to happen next. He watched Severus carefully. He was still unmoving, but had returned to his former pattern of breathing. Now that he was aware of it Remus noticed the silent shaking of his hands more easily.

Then he remembered how cold Severus' skin had been.

"You are cold, right?"

Nothing happened for a while, but then Severus nodded very slowly. Remus was surprised by his own patience,

"Then let me warm you. When whatever you took there starts to work you can leave. Yes?"

Once more Remus waited, and Severus finally shrugged. Trying to be encouraging Remus smiled, feeling only slightly stupid because Severus' eyes were still closed. Then he carefully placed his hand on Severus' still trembling fingers. Unsurprisingly Severus flinched again, but this time he allowed Remus to actually take his hand. Cradling it with both hands, feeling once more how cold the skin was still Remus slowly allowed his magic to grow into a soft heating spell. It was one of the few spells he knew how to conduct without using a wand or anything else but physical contact. Like a soft cloak he wrapped the spell around Severus stiff shoulders, using only a small amount of magic.

It surprised him how easy it was. And there was that short moment when his magic first touched Severus and Remus felt that very short reaction. It was a common thing, somebody' elses magic reacting towards a spell coming from the outside, especially if it wasn't an aggressive spell. It felt like two entities touching, carefully examining each other, and then allowing closeness. He felt the same whenever his magic came into contact with Sirius. They had combined their magic so many times that it was now a friendly thing, recognition, something warm and comfortable.

But he hadn't expected his magic react the same around Severus. For a tiny second he felt Severus' own magic, a powerful and foreign thing, darkly residing inside the other man's veins. But there was no barrier, no defense mechanism. It seemed as if Severus' magic agreed with what Remus planned to do, even welcomed the spell. It was easy to warp him into the invisible cloak of warmth. Remus hoped that Severus could read between the lines, pick up on the fact that he was safe with Remus. As far as they could be safe. As far as a man like Severus would ever be safe with anyone.

Remus astonishment was complete when he saw and felt Severus visibly relax after only a short time, slumping down just a little bit, and in that allowing their shoulders to touch. It would have been enough body contact to keep the spell up, but Remus didn't even consider letting go of Severus hand. It was safely kept between his own hands, and with every minute Remus felt, or imagined that he felt the tension in the long fingers lessen until Severus completely relaxed into his hold, fingertips tapping a strange involuntary rhythm against Remus' palms.

It was strangely peaceful, and for a moment they simply sat there. Remus listened to the sounds the castle made, to the movements in the night outside, and Severus' slow breathing patterns.

Then it suddenly clicked, and whatever had been tugging at the edges of Remus' mind suddenly found its voice. There was one thing Remus knew breathing techniques could be used for, one thing he himself used them for, and one reason why someone might keep unlabeled vials in reach.

"Severus?"

It took a while for a reply to come, and Remus wasn't sure whether it was because Severus was already half asleep. But then he hummed a response, and Remus continued.

"You said you're dying. In the opium den."

Remus felt the nod more than he saw it, but Severus said nothing.

"I just remembered. So does that mean -"

He couldn't say it. It didn't seem right. How does one ask someone else if they were dying? Hey, what about picking a gravestone tonight? Would you like some Bach for your funeral? No? Rather Death Metal? Remus swallowed, not knowing how to phrase it. But to his surprised he didn't have to.

"It will pass."

He thought he had heard a hint of a smile in the too tired voice, still barely audible. Nothing more but a coarse whisper in the dark. Without knowing it Remus exhaled.

"But -?"

Severus nodded and hummed something once more.

"Yes."

Remus couldn't say anything after that. Instead he wrapped his hand around Severus fingers, entwining their hands, one of Remus' thumbs drawing lazy circles on the bony wrist. He liked the feeling, although his own hands seemed to be unusually square compared to Severus'. But Remus' skin was softer, not hardened by years of handling ingredients and hot cauldrons. He was surprised how many small injuries he found, how many healed cuts and little scars. Severus' hands were those of a man working, useful and finely tuned tools.

Very slowly he felt the skin warming up, and it seemed to him that Severus was relaxing further, his breathing becoming more and more natural. They sat in silence. Remus' head was filled to the brim with questions, but as always he knew he would never get an answer. All he could do was offering warmth and silent companionship, right there and then. That was all.

He couldn't determine the exact moment when the clear liquid started to do its work. But somehow life returned into Severus slowly, and then there was a moment when he carefully pulled himself up again, sitting straight once more, but still not as stiff as before. Remus regretted the moment their shoulders stopped touching, and it was only a matter of time until he had to let go of Severus' hand. He let the warming spell slowly die down.

Slowly but more determined Severus moved, carefully as if first trying if his body would subject itself to his command. It almost painfully reminded Remus of how he moved after a night spent as a wolf, testing whether his limbs were properly attached back to his torso, checking if his muscles still functioned and which bones were ruined.

With both of his hands free Severs rubbed his face, and Remus realized that he still wasn't wearing the bandage round his right wrist. It looked slightly swollen, but he didn't point it out. Severus was probably already very much aware.

Then Severus got up, still slightly unsteady. Remus remained where he was, smiling up to him.

"Are you feeling better?"

Severus nodded, once more rubbing his eyes.

"Yes. I shall go. Apologies for disturbing your night."

His voice was back to its usual strenght, and also to its usual detached neutrality. Remus tried to keep his face empty, crossing his legs. He wasn't tired in the slightest, but he didn't feel like moving.

"Don't be stupid."

Severus nodded once more and turned, still very consciously placing his feet. But he quickly seemed to walk with more stability. He almost made it to the stairs when Remus called him back.

"Where does the blood come from?"

Severus stopped, but he didn't turn around. All Remus could see was his dark silhouette in the corridor, pale light on black fabric, shoulders slumped underneath an invisible weight.

"It's not mine."

The agony was almost palpable, a man confessing his sins unwillingly, already regretting the answer the very second it was spoken. Remus tried not to be shocked. Then Severus vanished, down the stairs leading to the corridor that would bring him back to Serpens Tower. Remus remained in the window seat, now finally looking through the glass. The ground was bathed in the moonlight, meadows, the lake, and the dark silhouette of the Forbidden Forest. He wasn't sure what he had expected. It was difficult to arrange the things Severus did with what he was learning about the man. 

Picking up the empty vial Severus had forgotten Remus turned it between his fingers.

They all did what they had to do. It was the only way to get them through these times, and Remus knew that the worst was yet to come. But they lost so much along the way, they were hiding so many things. And what use was all that? What happened when there were no vials left they could drink against the pain, when breathing didn't help anymore? Where was the end, and what would happen then? How long could it take for a single man to die?

He stayed on the window sill, lost in thought, until the sun rose above the forest, bathing the ground in golden light and doing nothing to solve their problems.


	7. Who needs enemies when we got friends

When Remus stood in front of the wooden door to the lab once more he felt a sudden attack of severe nervousness. He had no idea how Severus would react, only hours after Remus had watched him vanish down the dimly lit corridor. After he had held his hand, warming him, almost protecting him. Experience told Remus that it was very likely that Severus would either gloss over what had happened and simply ignore it or be in a terrifying bad mood, maybe throwing a cauldron at Remus' head. Or a curse.

Prepared for everything Remus knocked, twice, on the solid wood. The door opened readily, just as it had the past night, and he walked into the brightly lit room.

Severus sat at his working desk, a stack of books in front of him, twisting a pencil between the fingers of his left hand. He looked better, less exhausted and from what Remus saw his hands were perfectly calm. The bandage was back on his right hand, and from the way his whole lower arm was placed on the table Remus figured that it was causing him pain. On Remus' own desk a couple of brown glasses, a cutting board, knives and a bowl with whitish roots were awaiting him.

Trying to look confident Remus wandered into the room.

"Good afternoon, I guess."

Looking up from his books Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Indeed."

With a move of his head he motioned Remus towards his table.

"Everything's prepared."

Nodding Remus took his place. But he wasn't done yet. Watching Severus rise slowly and following him over to the table he inhaled. A man has to be brave sometimes, and he would be brave. He was a Marauder, after all.

"How are you?"

Facing each other with the table between them Remus cast a critical glance at Severus' face, but he saw no signs of the things he had seen in the dark. Severus simply shrugged.

"I guess I have to thank you."

These was no sign that he didn't mean it, and Remus recognized the effort behind the personal sentiment and nodded.

"Of course. I'm sorry you're going through these bad phases."

The statement elicited only a sardonic shrug.

"I've seen worse."

As soon as he had said the words Severus seemed to regret them, angry at himself for giving away something personal so easily. But he caught himself quickly.

"But that is not important right now."

Remus was of a very different opinion.

"It is. What does a bad phase look like if that wasn't one?"

Apparently nobody had asked Severus that before, and his face was a mixture of genuine surprise and suspicion. "Why should that matter to you?"

Now slightly frustrated Remus crossed his arms in front of his chest. He had no plans to back down anytime soon.

"Why should it not? We work together, we live together, we fight together. Doesn't it work that way?"

Severus needed a moment to process that, his face remaining the same careful empty wall he usually displayed. Then he shrugged.

"What do you know about Cruciatus, given that you actually teach a subject with the words Dark Arts in its title?"

Severus looked down at the table once more, waiting for Remus' explanation, and realised that something was missing. He counted the glasses once, looked at the labels and then turned around and walked over to the storage room. It gave Remus enough time to think his answer through.

"Well, probably not as much as you do, considering you deal with dark wizards and dark magic all the time."

Severus was well already in the doorway, turning around. There was a hint of that dangerous smile on his face.

"It's always entertaining to watch the lot of you talking yourself around the truth. I do not deal with dark wizards, Lupin, I am one."

Then he vanished into the storage room for a moment. When he returned he carried another brown glass in his hands. Remus hadn't yet managed to brush the slightly shocked look of his face.

"How can you say something like that? You do work for the order, after all."

Arriving at the table once more Severus carefully put the brown glass down.

"I work for Albus Dumbledore, not for the order. I like my masters to be clearly defined, it makes bowing to them easier."

Then he tapped the lid of the brown glass with a bony index finger.

"But that is currently not open for your consideration. Focus on your work."

Biting back a sharp remark Remus growled, but Severus ignored him and opened the lid. Immediately the whole lab was flooded with the scent of verbena, and Remus didn't need to wait for the glass to be completely opened or to read the label.

"Well, at least you brought something I like. What is verbena good for?"

Severus stopped, the lid still half on the glass.

"Did you read the label?"

Confused Remus shook his head. Then it dawned on him that Severus obviously had no clue about his sharpened senses. For a second he considered keeping his secret, but it was no use.

"Werewolves have heightened sensatory capacities. Even as humans. I smelled the verbena clearly."

Then he considered something.

"How else did you think I picked up on the blood on you last night?"

For a second Severus entertained the thought, obviously annoyed that he had missed that important fact for such a long time.

"I was wondering, I have to admit that. Well. How good is your olfactory sense really? And is the intensity of the sensation subject to change, depending on the moon phase?"

Remus hadn't expected being questioned, but he answered as truthfully as he could and then rightfully named the ingredients in all the other brown jars without looking at the label or Severus opening the lid fully. Somehow Severus seemed rather pleased with this new development.

"That will be very useful during the work process, since it means I can train you to pick up on reactions during brewing process much easier. The olfactory sense is extremely important for work with potions, masters take a long time to train it. You seem to have a, say, natural advantage."

Remus grinned.

"I never thought it would be useful one day."

Shrugging Severus fully opened the jar holding dried verbena and carefully let three dried branches fall on the cutting board.

"Everything is useful, sometimes we just do not it realize it immediately."

And without further commentary he launched into a lesson on cutting techniques for the ingredients prepared on the table.

They spent the following three days in that manner. Afterwards Remus knew thirty different cutting techniques and methods of preparations. He could correctly identifies tubers and roots, blossoms and leaves, knew how to properly grind seeds into powder and slice thin pieces of pistils. They worked mostly in silence, but amicably so. Remus didn't ask further questions, and Severus kept his tongue and temper in check.

But slowly Remus' work got better, and he earned a few honest compliments for his efforts. To his surprise Severus was a patient teacher, repeating things when necessary or asked, with an easy to understand way to explain things. It helped that he could and did show Remus the necessary cutting techniques first, and if necessary guided him through the process. That was maybe the biggest surprise: that the untouchable man did not shy away from physical contact when necessary in the lab. It gave Remus hope that Severus maybe wouldn't actually be as buttoned-up as he usually appeared. But then Remus never got to test his newfound knowledge further, as they hardly met outside the lab.

Until the morning of the fourth day after their nightly incident. Remus was sitting at his own desk in his comfortable rooms, repeating what he had learnt so far with the help of the Alchemy book, taking notes. He was concentrated on grinding techniques when a knock on his door disturbed his concentration. Surprised he put his quill down and made his way through his study into his hallway.

His surprise was even greater when he saw Severus in the door frame, apparently on his way to or from the lab. He didn't bother with unnecessary formalities.

"I would like to propose a change of course for today. You know the most important cutting techniques now, and we should move on. Taking inventory this morning I noticed that some ingredients are missing. I will acquire the most important one today. Considering it's a rather unusual process I thought you might want to join me."

Remus was confused and excited at the same time. Outside of the lab Severus kept talking in riddles, and Remus didn't always undertand what he was being told. Or not. But at least he was glad that could finally stop chopping. His shoulders were hurting, even though Severus constantly reminded him to keep them down and his back straight.

"That sounds good to me. Where are we going?"

But Severus was already on his way down the corridor.

"Meet me at two at the portal. Wear muggle clothing."

Then he was gone, not even remotely answering Remus' question.

At exactly two Remus waited in front of the Grand Portal. Dressed in dark linen trousers and a t-shirt he considered himself to be sufficiently muggle-like looking. Severus was a few minutes late and Remus sat down on the steps, enjoying the warmth of the sun. Closing his eyes he left the rays heat up his skin.

He only opened them again when Severus' shadow stole his light. Then he blinked. It would take him a while to get used to that kind of denim on Severus, really. How could he do that to Remus? It was unfair. On a second glance he also liked the washed-out light grey t-shirt and the lightweight black linen suit jacket Severus wore on top of it. From his shoulders an aged leather bag dangled, and Remus caught the gleam of a slim wrist watch and hint of a golden signet ring. He looked perfectly muggle and yet very much like himself. Smiling Remus stood up, nodding a greeting, and trying not to stare.

"I don't think I've ever really seen you in proper muggle fashion. Where are we going?"

He hurried to catch up with Severus who had already turned and made his way over to the forest.

"To a city with a very high percentage of muggle population, obviously. They are used to a lot there, but full robes would be a bit too much."

Quickly they reached the outskirts of the forest, escaping the hot sun. They made their way to the small clearing in silence. On their arrival Severus threw a short controlling glance into his bag, readjusted the sleeves of his jacket and nodded. "We'll apparate into a hidden corner in a courtyard. Move away from the spot fast, it's a popular spot to apparate and there will probably be some traffic. But otherwise no need to worry, the town will be flooded with tourists and they don't care." Remus nodded, although he didn't like the idea of being apparated somewhere without knowing where they were going.

"Will you finally tell me where the hell we're going? Your mysteriousness is annoying."

Surprised Severus looked up.

"I didn't tell you? Oxford."

Then he took hold of Remus' arm and the familiar tug on his bellybutton whirled them through space.

Seconds later Remus opened his eyes standing in a corner shaded by a high-rising building behind them. The courtyard in front of them was laid out with cobble stone, and seemingly was the main hub for apparition. As soon as Remus recovered from the rather unpleasant feeling of being hauled through the air Severus pulled at his arm once more and they left their corner just in time.

Behind them a young woman wearing a skirt and blouse appeared with a soft 'plop', throwing them a disapproving glance and vanished through an archway. They followed suit.

Remus had never been to Oxford before. He had heard stories, of course, knew of the famed academic institutions, and even personally was acquainted with a selected few who had attended one of the wizarding colleges there. Back in his days a few of their schoolmates had tried to get in, but only a handful ever made it. He remembered the day an official looking owl dropped a big parchment in front of Severus' plate at the Slytherin table, and the silent triumph spreading over his bony face. Remus had been so jealous he couldn't finish his porridge. Now it was his task to help students get accepted, and he did what he could. Sometimes Hermione confessed that she wanted to apply there, sometime in the distant future. He was sure she would make it.

He himself had never had a chance. His grades were top-notch, but that didn't help. No place in the world would take on a werewolf, even a rather bright one. It had always been a sting inside him, a well placed thorn hurting occasionally.

Now he felt it again while wandering through the alleyways and streets, with the golden sandstone-buildings rising to their left and right, watching the tourists and locals wander past. Remus felt as if someone had robbed him of something, a chance he should have had and never got. He tried to ignore the feeling, pushing away the emotions confusing his mind and instead looked around. The town looked a bit as if someone had randomly dumped him into a historical novel.

Although he clearly wasn't alone in that novel. Hundreds of thousands of tourists made their way through the town, taking pictures, savouring the academic atmosphere. Remus was glad when Severus led them across an especially populated large street into the shadows of a small hidden alley. Remus would have loved to do a bit of sightseeing, but Severus seemed to be in a hurry.

"It's really beautiful."

Looking up the high walls of the college buildings surrounding them Remus tried to count the turrets and take in all the ornaments.

"Yes. You've never been?"

They reached the end of the alley, which opened onto a strange meadow that seemed to be completely empty.

"No. I know you studied here."

Severus stopped, and nodded. There was something in his face akin to nostalgia, and a strangely relaxed overall impression.

"At St. Aurelius, to be correct. We there, by the way."

Remus looked around, but there was, well, nothing. Only the meadow, of course. An empty meadow. Noticing his confusion Severus grinned, took a step forward and seemingly held a hand out into the empty air, slowly, as if he was reaching out to touch an invisible wall.

Which was actually exactly what he was doing. Suddenly the air above the meadow started to vibrate, and then, as if it had dropped down from the sky, a large building appeared. It was built out of the same golden sandstone the others were made of, with turrets and spires reaching into the sky, a large central tower with pinnacles, and flags hanging down in the still summer air. Severus' hand, formerly hanging in the air, was placed against one of the columns of the main entrance gate.

Remus blinked thrice, but the building was still there. Of course he knew spells to hide houses, but generally these were composed for smaller buildings. Even hiding a house like Grimmauld Place took a large amount of magic, and compared to the college Grimmauld Place was a rather smallish hut. Severus seemed to enjoy the effect the appearing building had on Remus.

"You only ever see what you know to be there."

Then he gestured for Remus to follow him through the gate. Remus did so duly, noticing the heraldic symbol above the gate, a flowering golden tree on a beautiful blue shield.

Inside the lodge next to the gate sat a tiny old man, who apparently was the porter. He looked up from behind the Daily Prophet as they entered the room, his face a like a small shriveled raisin.

"The college isn't open to - oh no, it's you."

His voice wasn't quite welcoming, but Severus only grinned.

"Good afternoon to you, too."

The porter put down the newspaper and produced a large book that opened by itself at the right place. Severus fumbled in his bag for a wallet, and produced a small plastic card that decidedly had seen better days. The man looked at it and waved for him to put it away again.

"Yes, yes. Inscribe your name. And the one of your companion."

Severus replaced the card into the wallet, dropped it into the bag and took the quill. Bending a bit down over the book he wrote his name into the top column, including the current date, and then handed the quill over to Remus. Following his example Remus wrote his own name underneath Severus', taking a short second to try to decipher the abbreviations Severus had used. He had no clue what kind of academic degrees Severus exactly held, but the added "Ph.D., Mag. Al" indicated that it was more than one. His own name seemed a bit short in comparison, but Remus did his best to chase the sad feeling away quickly.

The porter took the quill back, threw a handful of sand onto the open page, waved it away with a quick spell and closed the book. Before he returned to his newspaper he threw a last unfriendly glance at Severus.

"If I hear any complaint about you - and no magic in the quad."

Severus put his hands up mockingly.

"I am aware, Mr. Pembroke, I am aware. Also Professor Libavius can vouch for me, I believe."

Grunting something unintelligible the porter shook his head and retreated behind the paper. Remus followed Severus out of the lodge into the large representative courtyard.

"Notorious, are you?"

Severus grinned. "Pembroke has known me for a long time, I guess. St. Aurelius is well protected, and rightly so. Their libraries are world famous, and they store ingredients worth more money than the Queen owns."

Looking around Remus took a moment to enjoy the surroundings. The main courtyard was beautifully laid out, with four symmetrical small lawns arranged around a fountain. Small signs forbid sitting on the lawn - "No entry! Curse-protected!"- and the statue on top of the fountain waved a trident at Remus threateningly, moving with him and following his path with its head.

"Right. This is Neptune's Quad, as you've probably figured out already considering the old man seems to be slightly suspicious of you. Here are the main libraries, the Common Rooms and the Great Hall. St. Aurelius is old, very much so, I belive older than Hogwarts Castle is. Nicholas Flamel taught here, and Albus read Arithmetic and of course Alchemy here, but that was decades ago."

With determined steps Severus guided them towards an archway at the left corner of the yard, and they walked through it, reaching another smaller courtyard laid out with cobblestone.

"One of the smaller yards, where the students are housed. Faculty generally lives somewhere else." Crossing through another archway they reached another, much smaller yard. Here the buildings were new, and the windows were large and perfectly clean.

"Geber's Quad, here are the labs. St. Aurelius only teaches Alchemy and Arithmetic, so they need lots of them."

Just as Remus wanted to ask what else one could study at Oxford one of the doors opened and a young man with short brown hair marched out of it into the courtyard. He wore a lab coat and carried a book, absently minded nodding at the visitors. He had already continued several steps when he suddenly stopped and turned around again.

"Professor Snape?"

Severus stopped, turned around and nodded. The young man hurried back to them, visibly surprised, but delighted.

"Mr. Dee, I didn't expect to meet you. It's not term time, after all."

Stopping in front of them Mr. Dee smiled broadly.

"No, but the dean allowed me to use the laboratories for my research. I'm wrapping up my thesis as we speak, a fascinating thing on molecular proceedings after the extraction of willow bark has been terminalized for the third time through steam induced - but I wanted to send you an owl for ages. I read a paper of yours in the Britain Alchemical Review, and there were some points I'd like to question you about. Would you mind? I wasn't sure how busy you currently are."

Listening carefully Severus nodded.

"Ah yes, it's about time someone deals with the atomic movements in extract residue. I considered dealing with that for a while, but time is scarce. You are most welcome to owl me, I guess you know the address."

Furiously nodding Dee seemed close to bowing.

"Thank you, thank you. I don't want to disturb you longer. Oh, apologies, Sir, I forgot. I'm Arthur Dee."

Remus took the extended hand and smiled.

"Lupin, I'm currently teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts."

Dee's smile broadened.

"Ah, good old Hogwarts. Say hello to the castle from me, please. I hope you'll have a good day. Professor Lupin, Master Snape."

Almost bowing again Mr. Dee turned around and hurried off. Severus' gaze followed him, and Remus couldn't help but register the clear favour with which Severus regarded the young man. Picking up on Remus' train of thought Severus raised his palms up.

"Yes, I know. He took my Salamander level course four years ago, and achieved very good grades. It was his dream, well. He's muggleborn, that used to be a problem, and Aurelius only takes on very few students a year. He needed someone to back him, and, well. Pulled a few strings. Good to see it was the right thing."

Grinning Remus nodded.

"Don't worry, I enjoy seeing your students liking you for a change. A Slytherin?"

Severus shook his head and moved to continue their way.

"With that kind of enthusiasm? No. We haven't gotten a Slytherin into any Oxford college for a while. He's a Ravenclaw."

Remus made a mental note to remember that Severus could, in fact, be above house favoritism and then followed him through the doorway into the building. The hallways in front of them were large and brightly lit, but at the same time sterile as they would be in a public institution or a hospital. To the right and left Remus saw doors, with numbers counting upwards from one.

He followed Severus down the hallway.

They weren't even halfway down to the place where the hallway turned around a corner when they heard a door open behind them. Hurried steps down the hallway were accompanied by the sound of the door being slammed shut.

"Snape!"

Severus stopped dead in his tracks, for a short second closing his eyes and sighing inaudibly. Then he turned around very slowly.

"Morold, what a pleasant surprise."

There was a sharp undertone in his voice, indicating that it was decidedly not pleasant, and Remus turned around quickly as well.

In the middle of the hallway stood a small wizard, dressed in a frayed lab coat, hardly any older than Remus himself, but podgy and red-faced. His whole bodylanguage was aggressive and proud, even though he really wasn't very tall. Remus immediately realized that this man was the resident top-dog, and that he suddenly stood on a very old and well-worn battlefield.

"See, see, what an honourable visit. What got you here?"

Severus didn't even try to hide how annoyed he was.

"Since when are you playing porter here? Finally found something fitting to your mental capacities?"

Morold growled, slowly closing the distance between him and them.

"Apparently we do need a new one, when they let in scum as you. And here I am thinking this is a proper academic institution."

Morold's rage was obvious, and Remus was once more amazed how easily even the pure existence of Severus could drive people into heated arguments.

But Severus himself seemed to be rather bored.

"Apparently not, otherwise they wouldn't let you in. But where would you go then? I heard Harold's Hall has just been advertising scholarships for Divination. I'm sure they have a bit of space left, considering you don't need much of it."

It became hard for Remus not to grin, listening to the exchange of verbal blows that so clearly lead up to a duel. Morold seemed inches away from throwing a glove into Severus' face.

"Do I have to listen to someone like you?"

Severus threw a glance at his wrist-watch.

"No, because I am leaving now. Goodbye."

That was a rather surprising end to what could have turned into a beautiful brawl, and Remus was slightly disappointed. But Severus really did turn around and continued down the hallway, and Remus made haste to follow him. When he fell into step with Severus again he noticed that his lips were moving silently, as if he was casting a spell or counting.

Out of nowhere he suddenly held up a hand, and a curse slammed into the invisible shield behind them. Severus yelled the commentary over his shoulders.

"You're getting slow!"

Then he quickly retreated behind the corner, pulling Remus' sleeve to get him out of the danger zone. The next curse hit the wall immediately.

"Go to hell, Snape!"

A bit too pressed Morolds voice shrilled down the hallway, and it was not below Severus to yell back.

"Possum, sed nolens!"

Then Remus heard more cursing from Morold, steps, and a door being forcefully slammed close.

Shaking his head Severus cast a disapproving look at the smoking hole in the wall.

"I think I have to apologise for that."

Remus examined the hole as well, calculating the force of the curse and being slightly impressed.

"You seriously need a no-duell-rule here. What did you do to him?"

Severus nodded and continued his way down the hallway.

"Long story. Actually there is a no-duel-in-the-building-rule, just like we have in Hogwarts. But of course duels are part of academic life. Tradition wants a duel to take place in Neptune's Quad, so that everybody can watch and bet on the winner. Morold's rage is old, but I guess he's too scared to properly request a duel. Smart, actually, I lost count how many times I won against him already."

Somehow that didn't surprise Remus.

"Lots of duels in your time, right?"

Severus stopped in front of a door and grinned.

"Captain of the duel team. But it's been a while. Anyway, let me introduce you to someone far more pleasant."

The door looked just like all the others, with a large painted number 12 on it. Severus tapped it four times just below the number, and without waiting for someone to call opened it and walked in.

Remus followed him into largest state-of-the-art lab he had ever been in. It was at least double the size of Severus' private lab back in Hogwarts, just as brightly lit, but slightly differently equipped. The work tables were made out of metal, covered with cauldrons and vials. One of them served as makeshift desk, with books and notebooks strewn all over it. But that was it. There were no chairs, no shelves, nothing on the walls beside a clock directly above the door and some very strange green splatters on the ceiling.

On the work table in the middle of the room two cauldrons were bubbling on small fires. Both were made out of silver, with dark purple smoke rising into the air in synchronic intervals. Wooden spoons were stirring the potions in perfectly clocked movements.

In front of the cauldrons stood a single man, wearing a lab coat that was in even worse condition then the battered one Severus always used for work. He was tall and thin, but something about him seemed a bit hectic, and his movements lacked elegance. But there was something about the friendly face Remus instantly liked, sparkly green eyes behind thick glasses and a head full of fluffy red curls that would make a Weasely turn green with envy.

He looked up from the cauldrons and smiled.

"I knew it was you when I heard the curse crash into the wall and then someone yell latin. Did you kill anyone?"

Severus grinned. "Not this time."

Then he turned around and gestured towards Remus.

"Andreas, this is Remus Lupin, a colleague of mine. Professor Andreas Libavius, universal genius and master of potions- He currently holds a chair for work on the Opus Magnum. "

They shook hands, and Libavius smiled at Remus with the ease of a man who liked making friends and cooking proper spaghetti. His voice was pleasant, but there was a slight hint of a foreign country in it, something in the east that Remus couldn't identify. Hungary, maybe?

In the meantime Libavius turned around, brushed a stray red curl away from his face and exchanged a very strange left-handed handshake with Severus. It seemed to be something of an inside joke, but Libavius was obviously so thrilled to see Severus again that he afterwards grasped him by the shoulders and kissed him on the cheek.

"I haven't seen you in ages, hiding in your damn castle as you are. You look like shit, even by your standards. By the way, would you too think that Morold is getting old? How long did the curse need?"

Severus smiled, only slightly embarrassed by the overwhelming welcome and Remus was deeply surprised that there was a living person on the planet who could kiss Severus on the check and then tell him that he looked like shit without being instantly killed. Besides Albus. But Libavius seemed confident about his personal security, and Severus didn't look at all as if he was about to kill anyone, which was another surprise in its own right.

"Eleven seconds, you should challenge him to test my theory. What are you working on?"

Libavius returned to his cauldrons.

"Without you as my second? I don't know. And this, well, nothing you care for, spagyrian that you are. You know, the Opus and such."

Suddenly the soft ting of a bell rang through the lab.

"Oh, I need to freeze the cauldrons. Wait, while you're here, can you help me? They are at eighty, falling, I need twenty-five, falling as well. Not a half more, preferably less. Sectator fervesco, but I don't need to tell you."

Severus rolled his eyes, but put his bag on the floor and walked over to the working table.

"If it ruins my jacket you'll have to buy me new one."

Libavius nodded.

"Sure. Or you can have my wife, you know, Mag has always been very fond of you. But I'll keep the kid. Align your magic with mine, it's more precise."

Amazed Remus watched both men tapping their left palms together for a second, and then simultaneously bend over the cauldrons. They said nothing, but whatever they did was perfectly synchronic. The fires slowly died down, and the smoke intervals lessened and lessened until there was nothing left and both cauldrons suddenly, with a soft sound, froze over.

Libavius glanced first at one cauldron and then into the other before he tapped his palm against Severus' once more.

"Splendid. Why don't you come more often? I could use you as a back-up all the time, it's wonderful to use your magic as reservoir. Haven't done that in a while. And your jacket is very much intact, you peacock. What happened to your wrist? I know you won't tell me, but you really need to take better care of yourself."

A bit huffed Severus brushed invisible dust off his collar and then skillfully ignored half of the question.

"If they find someone else to keep my Slytherins from setting fire to the castle I'll be here right away. Not very likely, through."

Libavius shook his head and unbuttoned his lab coat, revealing that he wore a green t-shirt underneath that was slightly stained and clashed badly with his hair colour. He turned to Remus in mock despair.

"What is it with that Hogwarts thing? I never understood, really. Are you from here? I'm from Prague, you know. I just went to school, nothing special, got my education and came here. But you have that boarding school castle-thingy, and I don't understand it. It must be something beyond scarves and dorms, right? Have you been there?"

That explained the faint accent. Remus grinned. "I actually went there together with Severus."

With faked surprised Libavius spun around on his heel. "People who went to school with you still talk to you? I can't imagine. Anyway, then maybe you can explain me what this Hogwarts thing is."

With sudden confidentiality he leaned in.

"You must know that when we were in our second year Severus got in a fight with someone. Now, that's nothing special, he got in fights with everybody all the time. Looking for it, always. But this guy, a master student, stood up and in front of everybody declared him to be a, uh, well, a gay Gryffindor. And what happens? Our Severus challenges him, because, he says, he won't let anybody call him a Gryffindor. Neptune's Quad, six in the morning, all that jazz. We thought, well, that's it, they are going to kill our genius, let's go and pick a coffin. Did we know that all you do in your Hogwarts is duel practise? No. Dear Saint Ivo, what a mess that was. Look at the holes above the lodge, it was a spectacle."

Remus did have an idea how that could have looked like, and he enjoyed seeing that Libavius was still scandalized by the incident. Severus only shook his head.

"Stop telling fairy tales. That was ages ago."

Holding up his palms Libavius grinned.

"Only the truth, that's all. Nobody dared to mess with you afterwards, well, me being the exception, of course."

Displaying a hint of theatrical despair Severus rolled his eyes.

"I wonder what mistake I made there."

Smiling Libavius nodded. "Let's discuss that at my house sometime soon, with dinner. Mag sends her love, and Ezra hates you for being absent for so long. He tried to talk me into flying with him for weeks, but you know, me and brooms, I'd rather not kill my child that quickly. So, come along, bring a broom, stop my son from eating my ears off."

Severus groaned and tried to say something, but Libavius was faster. He seemed to be a chatty person, and not for the first time Remus wondered how on earth he and Severus had become companions. They seemed completely incompatible, but it was very clear that they were comfortable around each other, and Remus was amazed at how easily they had linked their magic. They must have worked together in the past, and rather thoroughly so.

"Anyway, why are you here? You rarely show up these days, no matter how many lovestruck letters I send you."

Looking slightly guilty Severus nodded.

"Yes, I know. Too much work, I'll try to make up for it. Anyway, do you have Hyle for me?"

Surprised Libavius raised an eyebrow.

"Hyle? Of course I have Hyle, I always do, and you've just been here two month ago asking for exactly that. What, I wonder, can a man of your profession want that much Hyle for?"

Severus tried to answer, but Libavius was quicker once more.

"Oh, but I have a suspicion, a bad one. Tell me you won't."

He took a step towards Severus, hands on his hips. Remus was confused, but he didn't have to wait long.

"What? No, I don't even know what you're talking about."

But Libavius was slightly enraged, taking another step towards Severus until they stood an arm's length away from each other.

"Wolfsbane! I know it! You've gone crazy."

In a beautiful display of acting skills Severus looked utterly confused.

"Wolfsbane? What are you talking about? I'm not brewing wolfsbane. Why should I do that?"

But Libavius was sufficiently shocked and launched into a monologue.

"Because you're a crazy spagyrian, and you're bored and I know you. Hyle! Hyle is needed to for the Opus Magnum and things like that, but what does someone like you do with Hyle? You're not dabbling with the Opus, I know you well, so what can it be? Wolfsbane! You know what happens when you brew things beyond your capacity!"

Slightly offended Severus crossed his arms in front of his chest, but Remus got his question in faster.

"What happens?"

Libavius whipped around.

"Do you know a thing or two about potions? Yes? Great."

Remus was quite sure he hadn't nodded or given any other sign of affirmation, but Libavius didn't care.

"So, a lot of the brewing process actually happens inside one's head. Of course we're properly trained and everything, but that's only the top layer. Every complicated potion needs added magic, and it takes a lot, and the master never gains it back. Hyle requires an especially high amount of added energy, and only few masters work with it all. You can't do that too often! Flamel went all the way through with the Opus, rumours say Dumbledore did it once, but nobody ever did it twice."

Without patience Severus interrupted the flood of words.

"The Opus is a completely different thing. Wolfsbane is lower ranked, and Belb - "

He didn't get far, now being interrupted himself by Libavius, who with extravagant gestures worth of a conductor threw his hands in the air.

"Belby blew the whole building up! And himself, of course. Bang, everything gone!"

Remus was taken by surprise at the sudden outburst of emotion. Severus, however, was apparently used to his colleague's emotional moments.

"Calm down. Belby was old, he might have made a mistake, nobody knows."

Taking his hands down again Libavius combed them through his curls.

"Because there was nothing left! And you don't even have a lab for that in Hogwarts, if I remember correctly."

Severus' nod was strangely encouraging.

"That's correct, the lab in Hogwarts isn't safe enough for something like that. No, I'm just playing around a bit. It's been a while since I worked with Hyle, and you know I can't make it myself."

Still suspicious, but slightly calmer Libavius watched him. Then he sighed.

"You know I'd do almost everything for you, damn you."

Then he turned, and briskly walked out of the door. Severus exhaled visibly when he was gone, but shook his head when Remus opened his mouth. They waited in silence for a short moment. When Libavius returned he carried a small leather pouch.

"Pure Hyle, ready to be fed with work of the lower ranks. I feel like lecturing you on safety measures, but I recall that you passed the master exam with distinction and know all these things. Though I still cringe at the idea of you working with Hyle. You're brilliant, everybody knows that, but your work on Hyle was always lacking."

Severus took the pouch and it vanished into his leather bag. Another bell rang in the background, and Libavius cast a glance at his cauldrons.

"I guess I can't make you stay and supply some of your magic? No? What about a two-hour-temperature-guard?"

Severus smiled like a cat that had just avoided being killed by a too fast and very expensive sportscar.

"No, we need to return to Hogwarts today. I owe you, request whatever you please as long as it's not a temperature-guard right now. You'll see my owl next week."

Shaking his head Libavius placed a hand on Severus shoulder, seemingly not wanting him to leave just yet.

"Tell the damn bird to take the right window, the left one isn't really working anymore. And don't always send the bird, show yourself around here more often. Aurelius is devoid of smart people ever since you left, and time flies so fast. In two years they'll be looking for a spagyrian to fill Ashmole's chair, and you're qualified. Get a grip and come back. They don't really need you at that castle, and you know it."

Then he sighed.

"But I know you won't listen, you never do."

For a moment something like deep regret was visible on Severus face, but it was quickly gone again.

"Yes, I know. I expect things to change, maybe even soon. We will see. Don't blow Aurelius up in the meantime, kiss your wife from me, challenge Morold and please don't try to make that horrible stone."

Libavius grinned.

"Mag will love receiving a kiss from you, that's for sure. I'll owl you with dinner plans."

Severus nodded, held up a hand in a final greeting, and motioned for Remus to leave. They were already out of the door when Libavius called Severus back once more.

"Sev?"

Severus returned, glancing back though the already half-closed door. "Yes?"

Remus heard the Libavius sigh.

"Please be careful."

Severus nodded, closed the door and Remus followed him down the hallway. Without any incidents or unsavoury meetings they left the building, crossed the large Quad where Remus indeed noticed holes in the tower above the portals, crossed their name out of the big book and suddenly stood outside the college. Behind them the large building seemed to quiver for a second, and then only an empty meadow remained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possum, sed nolens - I could, but I don't want to


	8. What A Man Can Do

Remus examined the empty meadow once more, but there was no sign of any wizarding college or any other kind of building. Severus followed his gaze and understood quickly.

"Veiling magic, and one of the finest examples. The idea of hiding Grimmauld Place came to Albus because of St. Aurelius. He's a clever man, our headmaster. It was impressive to see him coming up with the idea and decoding the necessary spells. And, of course, casting them. Though he didn't do that alone. We should move, people might wonder."

Remus couldn't help but agree - it was strange to see two grown man stare at a meadow. Together they entered the maze of narrow alleys again.

"Albus didn't do it on his own?"

Severus shook his head, leading them around a corner.

"No, of course not. He is powerful, but tying a spell to a single person is difficult and an unnecessary risk. What happens if he dies, does Grimmauld Place simply reappear on the map? The veil is tied to a few people, mostly Order members."

There mere idea that someone had planned for Albus' death made Remus stomach churn.

"Who are the others?"

Severus seemed a bit irritated.

"It used to be kept secret, although it is rather obvious - Albus, Minerva, me, a few others outside of Hogwarts."

Remus couldn't help but stop.

"The spell protecting Grimmauld Place is tied to you?"

Disapprovingly Severus clicked his tongue and waved him to move on. "Of course it is not tied to me alone, if you would care to listen. I helped decode a few spells and Minerva did the transcribing work to adjust them to the house. We cast them together."

Considering Severus had just a few days ago claimed to not even be a full member of the Order it was a bit surprising to know that he helped to protect their headquarters. Sirius wouldn't like that at all, having Severus' magic all over his house. Remus couldn't help but grin and picture the tantrum he would throw - which maybe was one of the reasons why the origins of the magical veil had been kept secret. Albus Dumbledore was indeed a clever man.

Then his mind returned to their current surroundings. They stood at the edge of the busy street they had just crossed. Above them the bells were ringing, a cacophony of sound indicating it was three in the afternoon.

"I guess we still have some time. I could offer you a quick tour around town, if you wish. Considering you've never been here."

Surprised by the sudden display of what other people would call amibility and in Severus looked more like a mental blackout Remus nodded, and then allowed Severus to continue leading him through the town, pointing out libraries and famous colleges, chapels and beautiful courtyards. Well versed in the history of the town and colleges Severus inserted a few dates into his explanations, but also told small anecdotes here and there, sometimes hesitantly revealing information about his days spent as a student. These small bits and pieces of information were what Remus appreciated most. He was curious to glance into a way of life so different from his own that yet still had let down a path not so much unlike to where he was now.

They ended their tour in front of a round library building, and Severus glanced at his wrist-watch.

"Considering that was more history than you expected you probably deserve a break. And answers to the questions you will have. What about a visit to a café?"

For a short moment Remus wondered who had drugged Severus, and why they couldn't do it more often. Minutes later they walked into a small café with a distinctive european charm, it's window full with intriguing pastries, cakes, scones, tea cakes and french delicacies. It was hot, but Remus couldn't dismiss his growling stomach.

They found a small table in a remote corner and ordered. Severus only requested tea and Remus decided on a small raspberry pastry. Quickly they were served with a large silver tea-pot, delicate cups and saucers and a small plate with Remus' sweets. Severus poured tea for both of them.

"What tea is that?" Remus had allowed Severus to pick a variety of Earl Grey without having any idea what it might be. He couldn't imagine that there would be any kind of Earl Grey he didn't like. This particular version was strong but somehow soft with a flowery taste in the background.

Opening the lid of the pot Severus pointed at the tea leaves in the sieve.

"Cornflower, it's added to the usual Earl Grey mixture. A rare blend, I only know very few places that stock it. There's a tea merchant in Paris selling it. My father used to have it, one of the few things he actually had a good taste in."

Remus nodded, took another sip and then occupied himself with his pastry. Severus in the meantime leant back in the chair, crossing his long legs and took inventory of the café. The hint of nostalgia was back in his facial expression, and a certain amount of sadness in his demeanour. Apparently his days in Oxford had been good times for him, better than his current life was. Remus couldn't blame him for disappearing into memories. He had always believed that they all were far too firmly stuck in their respective past, a distant country shrouded in nostalgia - but also that for Severus that very past had not been quite as sunshine-bright as Remus own memories were.

Finally the raspberries were gone, and with his inherent courtesy Severus refilled Remus' cup before he poured his own tea. Placing down the delicate cup he leant back.

"Well. Ask me."

Remus brushed the crumbs of his hands.

"The most pressing question first: how come Andreas Libavius is still alive? He doesn't seem, well, like the kind of person you'd get along with."

If Remus was completely honest Libavius had seemed like the first person Severus would kill if given the chance. Too cheerful and far too caring.

"You are certainly not the first one to wonder. We were lab partners in our first year, he was the first person I met at St. Aurelius. He failed at a difficult calculation, brewed a volatile mixture and nearly killed me when his cauldron containing mostly acid exploded. The same day I redid the basic work for him while he picked the metal shards out of my arm. It stayed like that for the next four years. I guess he just decided to endure me for some very obscure reason or two, but mostly because he used to suck at calculations."

Remus had no idea what a student lab would look like, but he could easily imagine the red-haired potions master blowing up a gigantic cauldron with acid. And the ensuing shouting match. But somehow he could also imagining it falling into place, and it brought him back to his own school days and the closeness he had felt with his best friends. Somehow he liked the idea of knowing that Libavius was a person who would pick remains of exploded cauldrons out of Severus' flesh when necessary. Though he himself was glad that his friends rarely threw hot metal shards or acid at him, even if accidentally.

"I can picture it. He seemed very likable. Did you blow up a lot of things?"

Severus sipped his tea and nodded.

"You practically do nothing else the first years. Alchemy is a dangerous thing, in general, but Lib and me ran some rather insane experiments and had all kinds of, ah, incidents. It was a good time. But you wanted to know more about Oxford."

Actually Remus would have loved to hear more about insane experiments, but he had a distant idea that Severus wouldn't be too fond of giving away even more information.

"Yes, of course. So, St. Aurelius only teaches Alchemy and Arithmetic? Nothing else?"

Severus nodded. "Yes, but St. Aurelius is only one of four wizarding colleges in Oxford. Harold's Hall teaches Divination and other rather obscure things, St. Magarets is specialized on Transformation Spells, and Waugh Colleges teaches Magical History and Culture. Every college resides in its own buildings, tucked away somewhere convenient. I've been to Waugh and Maggies, but never to Harold's. The Aurelians consider themselves to be scientists and Harold's Hall to be rather strange and not teaching anything properly scientific. Aurelius is the only college with a close cooperation with the Muggle Colleges, which gives it a special place. There are beautiful joint courses, but it was very difficult to find acceptance for them amongst the magical population. Especially the pureblood-idiots were sceptic. Of course they are missing out, but they don't see it that way."

He reached for his cup.

"Are there many pure-blooded students here? You mentioned something earlier."

Remus couldn't remember the name, but Severus nodded and replaced his cup once more without drinking from it.

"Back in my days yes. It's changing, slowly, but it's still an issue. There are more scholarships now, luckily, but we still have a long way to go. Hopefully this war will be over soon, and we can finally move on from these idiotic ideas."

Promptly new and different questions rose in Remus head, mostly how a wizard bearing the Dark Mark could call his master's idea idiotic and survive - but he kept them for later.

"Right. Next question. Why didn't Libavius know that you are brewing Wolfsbane and have been doing so for a year now? Why is that a secret? Aren't you missing out on honour and stuff?"

It seemed that Severus abandoned the idea of getting enough time to sip on his tea anytime soon.

"Wolfsbane is complicated, and that is true far beyond the basic mechanics of brewing it. When Albus gave me orders to work on it neither he nor I thought the experiments would ever yield results. There was basically nothing known on it, and what existed was mostly wrong. Nobody had worked on it for a long time, as it wasn't very prestigious. And it is deemed to be one of the most dangerous potions out there, labeled one of the impossible ones. That's nonsense, of course. It's absolutely possible, but it took a damn lot of work to get it there. And yes, it is dangerous. Which is why I still don't think you should brew it. But it seems that it's not up to me to decide on that."

Severus was silent for a moment and then continued. "There's nothing to say beyond that."

Sipping his own tea Remus nodded. "And the honour? Seems to me you could gain quite a reputation if you brewed one of the impossible potions, just like that."

With a snort Severus leant back in his chair and folded his arms in front of his chest. 

"If you think it's 'just like that' you should get the hell out of my lab." 

Then he dropped his voice, just a little, so that only Remus could hear him. 

"And what do you think would happen if I published a book on the Wolfsbane? Oh yes, fame and glory, all mine. The order, however, would be one member down."

Slowly the pieces in Remus' mind connected.

"Because somebody would figure out that there is actual need for it. My cover would be in danger."

Severus nodded. "Of course. But beyond that you should be aware that Albus is not the only one who wants the Wolfsbane. There is hardly any potion out there that is that dangerous - not because it is difficult, but because of its implication. Knowledge itself can be power. Do not forget that."

Remus looked at the crumbs on his plate and followed his thoughts down logical but dark pathways.

"Is that why you don't want me to learn how to brew it?"

For a second he saw appreciation for his sly reasoning in Severus' face. "Interesting, but no. Albus knows the formula, and precisely for that very reason. And there is a full copy of it that will go to Libavius once I'm dead, putting the potion into capable hands and ensuing that it will be used for the very purpose it was made for as soon as this chaos is over."

Apparently Albus wasn't the only one in Hogwarts planing for his demise. But there was something in Severus' low voice, still barely above a whisper, that reminded Remus of the night in the corridor. Dying for Severus was not a distant option, but rather something already on the horizon. Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Severus interrupted him, returning to his usual volume.

"Spare me. Anything else?"

Remus gritted his teeth. He hated being cut off, but it seemed that he wouldn't get anywhere now. And Severus was not a man open for discussion. But then maybe it would make more sense to keep their private conversation to private spaces. Or opium dens.

"Yes. Two more questions: what exactly is this Hyle you got from Libavius, and what is - spa - I forgot the full word."

Absent-minded tapping the table with his fingers Severus nodded.

"Right. Quick answer to the latter one: Spagyric is the branch of Alchemy dealing with healing potions. Also the branch I'm specialised in, and you might already have picked up that it isn't the most fancy field of Alchemy. Spagyric is a rather thankless task, requiring much patience and precision, but not yielding immortal fame or money. Libavius tends to mock me, but he works on the Opus Magnum which of course is the golden boy of Alchemy, the thing for which there is money, projects, scholarships. But Spagyric is a beautiful subject, and Paracelsus once claimed that it is the highest rank of Alchemy possible."

Somehow Remus thought it strangely fitting that Severus would specialise in healing potions. Doing something good after causing so much harm, maybe? Or rather true fascination? From everything he had learned about the way Severus worked patience and precision sounded at lot like him. At least as long as only ingredients and no living beings were involved.

"So I wasn't only lucky to find a potions master at Hogwarts but even one with a specialisation in healing potions?"

Shrugging Severus nodded. "I guess you could say that. On to Hyle, which is a bit more complicated to explain. Hyle is alchemical matter on the preliminary stage before it becomes Materia Prima, also called Sol Niger. Materia Prima is the basis for the Opus Magnum, which you'd call the philosophers' stone. I'll not go into depth here, but these are the basic ideas. You're still with me?"

Remus nodded, sorting through Severus' sentences in his mind.

"Good, then here's the complicated thing: Hyle is primordial alchemical matter, in concentrated form. Which basically means that it is concentrated Nothing, and only so-called work can transform it into something. Hyle is the basic ingredient for a few things, mostly complicated and highly potent potions, and Wolfsbane is one of them. That in itself is very rare, because spagyric work usually doesn't require Hyle. Anyway, Hyle is highly reactive, but in itself completely neutral. It only changes and takes on shape when energy and potency in form of magic is supplied to it from the outside. That makes working with it slightly dangerous and taxing, because it functions like a sponge and drains everything from the master. The only thing even more complicated is making Hyle, because it is created out of nothingness. The quality of Hyle is highly dependent on the magic of its creator."

Somehow Remus felt like taking notes while listening to the spontaneous lecture. He would need to look these things up in his Alchemy book back at Hogwarts, but he understood the basic ideas. The only question Severus hadn't answered was why he wasn't creating Hyle himself - did it have something to do with the security of his Hogwarts lab?

But before Remus could ask Severus had emptied his teacup, glanced at his watch and made motions for them to leave.

"It's already five, we should return. I do have work today."

Somehow Severus always seemed to have work, but Remus only nodded, and while he drank up his remaining tea he didn't even have a chance to pay his half of the bill. Standing outside the café he searched for his own wallet, but Severus refused to be reimbursed.

"I do not take money from people."

Surprised Remus shrugged and smiled. He wasn't one to turn down an invitation, but maybe that had something to do with the fact that he was eternally broke and half-starving. Following Severus back along the busy main road he took in his surroundings once more. He was fairly certain he would find the way back to meadow, should it become necessary one day.

When they arrived back at the public apparating corner Remus almost felt a pang of not wanting to leave. Severus always seemed much more relaxed the further away from Hogwarts they got, and he wasn't quite ready to get the sour-silent potions master back.

"Thanks for the tour. And weren't we lucky with the weather?"

Severus nodded, sorting through his leather bag quickly, apparently looking for something.

"Yes, especially since the Prophet announced thunderstorms for today. Oxford is beautiful in this light, but it can get really dreary in winter, with the slush and rain. But then I guess there's no place where rain is beautiful."

Nodding Remus agreed, and stepped into the apparition corner. He was glad that he could apparate back on his own. He prefered being in control about his own whereabouts, and unlike most wizards his skills in apparition were solid and had never failed him.

Seconds later he stood on the small clearing inside the Forbidden Forest, and immediately felt the rain falling down on him. He moved just in time to give Severus space to appear next to him and couldn't help but grin at the other's disappointed face.

"Maybe it wouldn't have rained if you hadn't mentioned the weather."

To Remus' surprise Severus took well to being teased and only frowned.

"I can assure you that divination isn't my strong side. Let's go before we're wet to the bone."

But there was no chance to stay dry in that weather. They must have missed the thunderstorm by minutes, but the strong rain poured down even more the further they came towards the outskirts of the forest. When they reached the final line of trees both were wet to their skin, and they stopped underneath a large beech tree with a thick crown providing at least a bit of shelter.

Remus felt the cold on his back, the rain seeping through his thin shirt. The oppressive heat of the past days suddenly seemed to have made way for a rather typical british summer, wet and cool. Severus seemed to be a bit warmer, wearing one layer more with a jacket over his t-shirt. He didn't seem to feel cold, staring out into the rain and absently minding snapping the fingers of his left hand, producing a small green flame that went out again immediately.

Snap, flame, flame out. Snap, flame, flame out.

Until Remus couldn't help himself any longer.

"Merlin, stop it already, you're driving me crazy. Your fidgeting is not going to make the rain stop, we'll have to wait for a bit longer. What did you say about patience?"

Rolling his eyes Severus crammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"I don't have patience for standing around. Wasting time is a sin."

Remus shook his head disapprovingly.

"Then do something useful. Teach me how the flame thing works, for example."

Pulling his left hand out Severus snapped his fingers again, and the green flame appeared. "This one?" The flame went out again.

"Yes, that one. Can I learn that?"

Severus shrugged. "It's just a small trick. Have you never tried it before?" Remus shook his head again.

"I thought everyone tries it once when they are around fifteen and think they are cool. Though it doesn't work for most, some people just can't perform wandless magic. It helps if someone tells you how to do the mental part."

"Who taught you?"

It took Severus a while to answer, his gaze once more lost in the rain.

"It was long ago."

They stood in silence for a moment, rain still falling without pause.

"So, can I learn it?"

Apparently Severus' thoughts had been everywhere but not close to their tree. He needed a solid minute before he focused on Remus again.

"If you've never done wandless magic I don't know. Some people just can't channel their magic without a wand or are not powerful enough. But usually it's visible in your magical signature. It's useful to check there, because you won't waste time teaching someone who'll never be able to do it anyway."

That made sense. It probably also saved people from frustration.

"The magical signature is what makes tracing spells back to wizards possible, if I remember correctly. How can you read that?"

"There's more to it. It does show the general configuration of your magic, which is why it is unique to each magical being. A lot of things are already fixed, from the intensity and power of your magic to the channels through which you can access and guide it. Traces can be found in spells, but in its totality it can only be read inside the person which owns it."

Somehow Remus didn't like the idea of that. 

"So you look inside someone, with a legilimens or something?" 

Being read like a sheet of paper held up to the light wasn't high on his list of things he wanted to do in his life. Severus seemed appalled.

"Do you know anything about Legilimency at all? Apparently not. A legilimens opens up the view on the conscious level of the mind, on a person's thoughts. The magical signature is much deeper, on a subconscious level."

Relived that it had nothing to do with Legilimency Remus relaxed.

"And how do you read that?"

Severus still looked as if he were reprimanding a particularly stupid first year.

"It displays itself most easily when tempted with something like a bait, though you can learn to allow it to unfold. The catch is that one can never understand one's own signature. Seen from the outside it can be analyised rather easily, though."

Remus' grinned. "A bait? Like you catch mice with cheese?"

"More like 'Show me yours, I'll show you mine.'" Severus' voice was dry as a bone, but there was some amusement in his eyes.

"And can you do that, look at my signature and tell me if I can do wandless magic?"

Severus nodded, and Remus was suitably impressed.

"Who teaches you all that obscure stuff?"

For a second Severus seemed a bit taken aback, but then he shook his head. 

"Trust me if I say that you do not want the answer to that question."

For another moment he looked out into the rain that seemed to cease just a bit. Then he turned fully to Remus.

"It would be useful, because you will need to work on wandless magic if you want to learn how to brew properly. That is going to be quite some work for you, but there's no way around it."

Curious as always Remus nodded. It sounded too fascinating to turn the opportunity down.

"Sure, we'll be standing around here for a while anyway. And if it's necessary, why not now?"

Shrugging Severus raised his left hand.

"Usually some sort of body contact is needed, in generally just touching hands works fine. You are really sure?"

Already raising his hand Remus halted. "Can anything happen?"

"No, it's completely harmless. But I meant to ask Minerva to do it with you, it would have been more pleasant for you. As I said, if I want to read your signature I have to show you mine."

Shrugging Remus placed his palm against Severus'. His skin was cool from the rain, but not as ice-cold as it had been days ago in the corridor.

"And can I read yours?"

Severus shook his head. "Since you do not know what to look for - no. But you'll feel it."

Smiling Remus searched for his eyes. "That does sound slightly indecent." To his surprise Severus grinned for a second.

"It is strange to be wrapped into someone else's power. Anyway. Just close your eyes and relax, there's nothing to see in any case. Control your breathing and let it happen. Remember that you cannot control anything."

Remus nodded, suddenly feeling his heartbeat speeding up. As Severus had ordered him to he closed his eyes, concentrated on his breathing, listening to the rain around them and feeling Severus' hand pressed to his own palm.

At first nothing happened. But then the sound of the rain seemed to fade out slowly, and where the contact to Severus' skin had been something else was. Severus' physical presence seemed to grow and unfold, his body dissolving slowly.

For a second Remus felt as if he couldn't breath properly. He felt wrapped into a field of pure power, as if he would be blinded by a strong light if he would open his eyes. But he kept them firmly closed, feeling the hairs on his neck and his arms rise.

It was as if he could swim through the magic around him, move in the heat and light, absolutely weightless. It took a while longer until he felt the undertow, something moving inside this pool of blinding light, something dark and powerful. It seemed to live just below the surface, rippling invisible waves, and Remus knew that it was some kind of very old and dark magic, intricate patterns swirling, tempting, tightly controlled. There was something like a strong current, but as strong as the undertow was he didn't feel endangered by it. His inner eye looked at it calmly, his breathing still controlled.

And then, out of nowhere, he felt something inside him stir, reacting to the power wrapped around him. It was a small spark at first, but it grew at an extraordinary pace, suddenly surrounding him. At the same time the pool of light he felt himself swimming in retreated, tempting his inner spark to grow further and replace it. For a second he shivered at the void, but then he felt his own power taking over, surrounding him. He moved in his own light with the same ease as before, but just as he felt completely at home once more he realized that now, too, something else was there. Just below the surface, below the light something dark lived, tingeing the light with blackness. It took Remus a few seconds, but then he saw the wolf, clearing moving, black against the bright background, for all eternity entangled with his magic. His own void, a soft undertow, always there.

He was surprised at the power of his own light, the way it perfectly wrapped around him, soft and just as protecting as he had felt before.

Then he felt it shrinking again, returned into its former hidden state, and all that remained was the sound of the pounding rain, suddenly loud again in his ears. For a moment all Remus did was standing there, breathing as controlled as he could, feeling Severus' hand in his own.

He only opened his eyes again when Severus drew back his hand, but it took a long time until Remus could speak. His head was dizzy. Around them nothing had changed.

"That was - impressive."

He wasn't sure how to phrase it, but Severus, his hands again in his pockets, nodded.

"Always is, though the feeling changes depending on who does it. Albus uses signature reading for a variety of things, and it never ceases being rather intense."

Now that was something Remus could imagine. Or not. How would it feel to be wrapped into the power of one of the strongest wizards of all time? Blinding, probably. And warm.

"Is his magic as pure as I imagine?"

But to Remus surprise Severus shook his head. "No, nobody's really is. Everybody has a dark spot, somewhere. Hardly anybody is fully dark, though."

Remus thought of the darkness he had felt in Severus' magic, the ancient power underneath the surface. And then something in his mind clicked.

"What you said about Hyle earlier, and how it's pureness depends on the magic of its creator -"

Severus seemed impressed. "Yes?"

Searching for words to phrase what he was thinking without inflicting hurt Remus needed a moment.

"You can't create Hyle because it wouldn't be pure?"

Satisfied Severus nodded. "Good thinking. Yes. Soiled magic doesn't create pure things. Power isn't anything in this world. There are things you cannot solve with it."

Remus desperately wanted to ask the one question burning in his mind, but he couldn't. Instead he went for something else he had noticed.

"You said you wanted Minerva to read my signature because it would be more pleasent. I don't know what you mean, tough. It didn't feel unpleasent."

Still glancing into the rain Severus seemed surprised. "It did not?"

"No, not at all. It felt rather familiar."

Apparently that was not an answer Severus had expected.

"How unusual."

But he didn't elaborate and fell silent again, staring out into the rain while Remus tried to sort through everything he felt without really getting anywhere.

Finally Severus broke the silence.

"You should be able to perform wandless magic, by the way."

Excited Remus pulled his thoughts back into reality. "Really?"

"Yes. Theoretically your magic should lend itself easily to it. You are more powerful than I thought."

Flattered Remus smiled. He had never thought of himself being a powerful wizard - there were others around him being far stronger. But his magic had never failed him, not in daily use nor in battle. It seemed unnecessary, but that there was a chance for wandless magic delighted him. There had never been an impetus for him for work on his magic, not beyond what school and life had taught him. But now he was surrounded by competent wizards and witches, and half the faculty performed wandless magic or other complicated spells without a thought. From flying marmelade jars to Sirius turning into Padfoot just like that, Remus was surrounded by demonstrations of what they could do. 

"And you can teach me?"

But Severus shook his head. "No. I can tell you how it works, but you'll have to practise. It's like apparating, you have to get it yourself to really do it."

That hardly did anything to slow Remus' enthusiasm. Apparating had never been difficult to him.

"Great, so, go ahead."

Rolling his eyes Severus removed his hands from his pockets. He snapped once, and the green flame appeared.

"This is a basic Incendere, nothing special. But instead of using your wand to control the energy and channel the magic you use your hands. It's doesn't matter if you snap your fingers or not, by the way. Wandless magic is highly individual, you have to find something that works for you. Lucius used his index finger and imagined it was a wand. I learned it tied to the audio-visual cue of snapping, but that was a long time ago."

Remus examined his index finger. "That could work, but snapping your fingers is much cooler, of course. Can you do it without it?"

Severus nodded, closed his hand to a fist and opened it, his palm turned upwards and flat. The small flame hovered above it, steady regardless of the rain. Closing his fist again he motion to Remus to try it himself.

Waving his index finger Remus tried to think of the Incendere while not feeling to stupid. The first and second time nothing happened, but the third time he felt a tingling sensation in his hands.

"Is tingling a good sign? And doesn't the flame hurt?" He tried it again, but no flame appeared.

"I guess so." Severus snapped his fingers, looked critically at the flame, and then let it disappear again. "Yes, there might be a tingle. Never thought about that before. But why should the flame hurt? The tip of your wand doesn't burn either."

That made sense. "But how does it feel if it doesn't burn?"

Severus shrugged, but then grinned. "Do it again." Duly Remus performed the movement, and the second he was done and said "Incendere" Severus snapped his finger and in a quick movement placed the flame on top of Remus fingertip.

Surprised Remus stared at his burning finger. Slowly the flame changed it's colour from green to gold, but it stayed steady and firm. Very carefully Remus moved his finger, and then realized that he could change the intensity and height of the flame. But all the time his hands tingled like mad, and finally he couldn't stand the sensation any longer and with a silent "Finite" the flame was gone.

"So the magic is there, you simply lack control. Just practise, it'll work one day."

Fascinated Remus examined his finger, which obviously wasn't burnt in the slightest.

"Amazing. How long do you think I'll have to work?"

Severus shrugged. "Might take a while. Finally the rain is getting less."

He was right, and seconds later they left their shelter underneath the tree and made their way down the wet path towards the castle. They reached the Grand Portal in silence. Remus was thinking further plans to practise wandless magic through, and what was going on in Severus' mind was indecipherable as always.

Halfway up the stairs they were greeted by Sirius coming out of the castle.

"Remus! I've been looking for you, but nobody knew where you went. I just returned for a night. Where did you go?"

He cast a disapproving glance at Severus who was tagging behind a bit.

"And since when do you keep such a bad company?"

Remus basically felt Severus roll his eyes, but apparently he wasn't in the mood for a fight. Passing by Remus with only a curt nod he ignored Sirius completely and walked through the Great Portal where he vanished. Remus contemplated telling Sirius about his attempts at wandless magic, but decided against it the very last minute. It seemed like a good thing to work on alone, and then to be used to impress his friend. Already feeling the warmth of his victory he patted Sirius on the shoulder, and together they climbed the stairs towards his private rooms so Remus could change into something a bit more dry. And maybe enjoy a glass of Firewhiskey. After all the liquor was well known to help against any cold one might possibly catch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paracelsus (1493 - 1541) called the making of healing medicines the true purpose of Alchemy, replacing what he called the "rude pursuit for gold" with the more noble idea of helping and healing. Spagyric is greek, roughly meaning "to separate and combine", which hints to the fact that basic procedures of spagyric work take plants apart and then combine them anew to produce medical effects. That didn't stop Paracelsus from becoming the founding father of the branch of chemistry called Toxicology today. He also came up with the name for zinc and the basic idea that some illnesses could be rooted in psychological issues. Clever man, but turned very bitter at the end of his life. His personality is also described as very stubborn, independent and arrogant. Rumour also has it that he came up with one of the first painkillers, laudanum, but that has never been proven. His personal motto was said to be "Alterius non sit qui suus esse potest" - "No man should belong to another when he but belongs to himself". Maybe he's Severus' personal patron saint?


	9. No Room for Innocence

With Sirius back in Hogwarts breakfast turned into a longer affair. It just didn't seem logical to Sirius that he should hurry just because Remus wanted to lock himself up in a laboratory with the most unsavoury person in the whole castle.

"Damn it, Remus, stop it. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, the bloody birds are humming their horrific tunes and there are fresh muffins for breakfast. I'm not going to let you leave for the library or your desk just yet. Far too early! And look, there are Albus and Minerva."

Annoyed Remus put his mug down and fiercely threw another spoon of sugar into his tea.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. This wolfsbane thing is hideously complicated, I swear."

Shrugging Sirius helped himself to another muffin.

"At least it keeps the bat in the dungeons and far away from me, that's all I want."

Remus' not quite friendly reply was lost in the greetings from Albus and Minerva who, conveniently, arrived at the table that very minute.

"Good Morning, Sirius, Remus. Lovely that our beautiful summer sunshine is back, isn't it? Did anybody else hear the thunderstorm last night?"

Remus filled the mug Minerva held out for him while Albus heaped fruit salad into his bowl and topped it with yoghurt and an extensive amount of honey.

"No, I slept like a stone."

Replacing the honey pot Albus smiled.

"You're working too hard. I'm not sure if spending so much time with Severus is good for you."

Trying to smile and silently praying that he wouldn't blush like a thirteen-year-old Remus nodded and ignored the triumphing glance Sirius cast in his direction. Minerva nodded in agreement.

"Spending time with Severus isn't really good for anybody. At least I always feel slightly dim and lazy on top. And emotionally stable, which isn't that bad."

Sirius grinned, but then shaded his eyes and drew a face. His chair had the best view on the Forbidden Forest, and apparently he had seen something he didn't like.

"Speaking of the devil."

He pointed into the general direction of the forest, and everybody craned their necks. What they saw was a tall figure emerging from the shadows, slowly walking towards the castle and then vanishing from view due to the incline of the path. Minerva squinted.

"Is that really Severus? I didn't know he had even left last night."

Albus shrugged, but his gaze was steady on the tall figure until it disappeared from sight. Sirius rolled his eyes, but stayed silent. Albus gaze was still fixed on the now empty pathway, and Remus had the sneaking suspicion that he was doing far more than absently-minded staring into the landscape while Minerva asked Sirius about his prediction concerning the upcoming Quidditch season, a topic that was always sure to inspire lengthy monologues. 

And he was right. Not even minutes later Severus appeared at the entrance to the orchard. But he didn't move towards the table. Staring back at Albus he crossed his arms on front of his chest, visibly annoyed. The frown on Albus' face deepened and he put the spoon he had just picked up down again. 

"Do I have to yell at you across the orchard?"

Severus snorted.

"You just yelled at me across the whole damn grounds. Thank you for the headache."

Sirius looked confused, but Minerva tried to smile as neutral as possible.

"Good morning, Severus, why won't you join us?"

But he refused the invitation shaking his head. He looked more tired then annoyed, and it was obvious that he hadn't been simply enjoying a morning walk in the forest. He was clearly dressed for an evening occasion, wearing a slightly toned down version of what wizards considered elegant dress - a dark frockcoat, heavy fabric, the white of his shirt collar barely visible. 

"Thank you, no. I will return to the castle."

But Albus wasn't done.

"Where have you been?"

Apparently that was a question Severus hadn't wanted to hear.

"Private business. Anything else?"

Still sitting silently and watching the unfolding of events Remus sipped his tea once more. Putting down his mug he sniffed almost involuntarily, and the earthy scent of opium hit him. No wonder Severus wasn't in the mood for breakfast.

And apparently Albus realized something similar that very moment. Without saying anything he got up, and with few steps closed the distance between Severus and him.

Wordlessly they stood facing each other, watched by the three remaining occupants of the table. For a moment nothing happened, but then Remus saw a shift in Severus facial expression, lines appearing on his forehead for a second. They were gone again quickly.

"I want to talk to you this afternoon. Come to my office at two."

There was something like disappointment in Albus' voice, but it was very faint and almost overridden by his discontent. He sounded like he chided a student, and for a moment Remus wondered whether Severus took well to being talked to like that.

It became immediately clear that he didn't.

"Stop yelling at me in my head, or I won't come anywhere anytime soon. And now excuse me."

Without further formalities he turned on his heel and stalked out of the garden, ignoring the surprised glances from the table and Albus' half-formed reply.

A few seconds Albus stood where he had been, watching Severus' retreating back. Then he sighed, turned around and returned to the table. Sitting down his face still clearly showed that he was dissatisfied with the outcome of the situation, but when Minerva carefully inquired he all but shook his head.

Luckily the morning newspaper arrived at that precise moment, and the bold headline "Scandal at the Ministry - Leak in the upper ranks! Top security information gone astray!" occupied everybodys' attention quickly. Even Albus took the offered part of the newspaper, visibly glad the he could then join the conversation on this new development.

A few hours later Remus stood in front of the wooden lab door, knocking three times, and finding the door locked. It was obviously that Severus wasn't there, and he didn't appear in the five minutes Remus waited for him in the corridor. He felt disappointed and lucky at the same time, hoping that at least he'd be spared Severus' probably homicidal temper after his meeting with Albus that had probably turned into a proper shouting-match.

So instead of brewing Remus decided on spending the afternoon in the library. He still had many questions concerning Hyle, and reading up on them wouldn't hurt in the slightest. Now he still had time he could spent with these things, but in a few weeks he'd have to return to his own subjects and start preparing lessons for the new year. It was just as well that he would now indulge himself with his new favorite subject.

In the cool library Remus had the pick of free working spaces. Nobody was there, after all, and he decided on a table tucked away in the Herbology section. Calling a few books on Alchemy to him he settled down and concentrated on the chapter before him.

It took almost an hour before he noticed that he wasn't alone at all. Only when something fell to the ground a few rows of books to his right and the noise disturbed his work he took notice of his surroundings. Curiosity got the better of him again, and as silently as he could he got up and made his way around the bookcases.

Three rows towards the entrance he discovered Severus. For a moment Remus felt mortally offended - after all he had been stood up. He considered marching over and demanding an explanation and an apology, but he discarded the idea quickly when he realized that Severus was absolutely lost in concentration.

The man hadn't even realised that one of his pencils had dropped to the ground, providing the noise that had come to Remus' attention. In front of him he had three large tomes, heavy and completely covered in dust. Besides a black bound notebook and a few parchment scrolls a modern looking dictionary lay in front of him, and he seemed to translate a passage of text from one of the books, from time to time double-checking in the other two gigantic volumes and vigorously flicking through the dictionary.

Remus only saw parts of his shoulders and back, slightly huched over the desk. He had changed into his usual clothing, a loose dark robe draped carelessly over his thin shoulders protecting him from the chill inside the library, and looked as if he had at least taken a long shower. But it took Remus only a bit of leaning forward to shift his view and notice the lines in his face, indicating that maybe he hadn't slept as much as it would have done him good.

For a moment Remus pondered his options, and then decided on letting it slide. Silently he walked back to his own desk, sitting down and picking up his own work. There would be another day for lab work, and at least he would now be able to tease Severus with his forgetfulness and demand recompensation.

Turning his mind back to his own work he tried to concentrate again. But it was more difficult this time, his mind too aware of Severus' presence in the same room, his ears involuntarily picking up every sound - a turned page, scratching sounds of pencil on paper, wood creaking with movement.

Minutes later their shared solitude was interrupted. Remus heard the large doors to the library open, and then steps on the stone floor, determined picking their way through the rows of shelves. For some odd reason Remus felt the disturbance on a level that went far beyond simply being interrupted in his work - as if it were something intimate to share a library with someone sitting meters away.

Silently Remus hoped that whoever had walked into the library would quickly find their book and leave. But he was out of luck. The steps crossed the library, and came to a halt right where following Remus' orientation Severus was sitting.

Then he heard Albus' calm voice.

"Here you are. Why didn't you come to my office?"

It took a while for Severus to answer. "What time is it?"

Remus heard the sound of creaking wood. Apparently Albus had sat down on a bench or chair.

"It's half past four already."

The sound of rustling paper and a large volume being shut were the answer.

"Ah, I thought it was about two. And I forgot Lupin."

More sound of rustling paper and the closing of books, and then Albus voice, calm but not gentle.

"Do you really think you could run away from me?"

A very short moment of silence, and a final book being closed.

"Do you think I'd still be here?"

Suddenly it dawned on Remus that he was eavesdropping on something that probably was very private. But there was no chance he could vanish without anybody noticing him. And the library was a public space, more or less.

"That makes me sound as if I were Tom Riddle."

There was something beyond the calm and controlled patience in Albus' voice, and Remus wasn't sure he liked it.

"I wouldn't put that thought away too quickly."

Remus tried not lend sound to his surprise. He wasn't sure if anybody had ever compared Albus to the insane dark wizard, but he'd know in an instance whether Severus would survive it or not.

"Severus."

That was all, and it seemed to be enough.

"So what do you want to hear?"

There was just enough rebellion in Severus' voice that Remus picked up on it. The wood creaked.

"What about the truth, for example? You vanish at night but tell me that you are away on some private matters, you return home looking ragged and high as a kite. What are you doing? Answer."

The wood creaked again, and Remus tried to breathe as silently as possible.

"Private business, as I told you. It has nothing to do with any of my duties and therefore does not need to be brought to your attention."

Albus' voice changed from calm to more agitated, more determined, but also more dominant.

"I do think it would be in my interest to know if one of the members of my faculty relapses into drug addiction. We all have responsibilities here, if you care to remember." 

For Remus' ears Albus sounded very much like his own father reading him the riot act before things became uncomfortable.

"First, it isn't term time and my actions endangered nobody, for once. Secondly, if you want to accuse me of neglecting my duties as Head of House feel free to do it at a staff meeting, in public. And thirdly I do not approve of your current use of Legilimency. If you attempt to break into my mind there will be consequences. I am well aware that I do carry a certain responsibilty towards you and the order, but my personal affairs still remain private. I might be your subordinate, but I'm not your slave."

It was clear that Severus meant what he was saying, and Remus heard in Albus' reply that there was history to this remark.

"Now, don't overreact, please. I promised you I would never break into your mind again, and I stand by my word. But I have to protect people, and although you hate it and try to make it as difficult as possible - you are one of them." There was a short pause and then Albus continued. "Why Opium? You've already ruined yourself, why continue beyond that? Think about the future."

Remus' heard the silent laugh, laced with pure acid.

"What are you talking about? There is no future to think about."

Surprised Remus leant forward a bit. He hadn't expected Severus' to go into details this quickly. But Albus ignored what turned out to be a perfectly placed bait.

"What are you hiding?"

There was silence.

"Finally we've arrived at the point of the matter. Do you not trust me?"

It didn't seem to be a question at all.

"Don't forget who you are."

Albus' remark was sharp without any space for interpretation. According to the sounds Severus had jumped up from his bench, but his voice was surprisingly steady, yet low, silky and very dangerous. 

"I had almost forgotten, thank you for the reminder. I appreciate your thoughtful kindness."

Then Remus heard him turn on his heel, and then his quick steps echoed through the room.

"Severus!"

But Albus yelled in vain, and seconds later the heavy door of the library was slammed shut with such a force that Remus' table vibrated. In the following silence Albus' exasperating sigh seemed much louder than usual. Then Remus heard his slow steps on the stone floor, the door opening and closing much softer than before, and he was gone. Remus was alone in the library once more.

But that didn't quite help with his concentration. The room seemed to still vibrate with the harsh words spoken and the silent threats and emotions, and once more Remus felt himself wondering how exactly the connection between Severus and Albus worked. It didn't help that the chapter on Hyle in front of him seemed to become more complicated with every sentence. It didn't take him long to face the fact that he wouldn't get any work done anytime soon, and so he collected his notebook, and decided to find a more comfortable space. It was a beautiful day, after all, and it was no use wasting it inside.

Not even fifteen minutes later he was on his way up the stairs to the astronomy tower, book in his hand, with the intention to spent the remaining time till dinner perched on the stones in the sun, enjoying the beautiful view and indulging in a new essay collection from his favorite muggle author. The tower had become one of his favorite hiding spots as soon as he had discovered that he could enter it any time of the day now that he was a teacher and many of the restricting spells designed to keep the students from trouble where tied to age stopped applying to him. 

Pushing open the wooden door he walked onto the outdoor platform and stopped dead in his tracks. Seated on the right end of the large stone balustrade, with his back against the warm stones of the tower walls sat Severus, long legs stretched in front of him, feet crossed at the ankles. He held a small leather-bound volume in one hand, and balanced a halfway smoked cigarette in the other. Looking up from his reading he stared at Remus with the same surprise on his face that Remus felt.

"Were you looking for me?"

Shaking his head Remus crossed the platform and stood next to Severus at the balustrade, placing his own book on the warm stone. Carelessly Severus flicked the ash from his cigarette away.

"Actually I was looking for a place to read. Great minds think alike, I guess."

Severus' only reaction was a raised eyebrow before he took a drag. The wind carried the exhaled smoke away quickly.

"Apologies for forgetting about our appointment."

Surprised Remus blinked. He never expected to hear an apology from Severus once in his life, and here it was, spoken easily, as if Severus ran around being honest and formal and friendly all day. His rage seemed to have dried up quickly. This was getting stranger by the minute.

"It's fine, I gather you were still asleep. Spent the night at opium den, right?"

Surprised Severus looked up, but Remus supplied the explanation immediately.

"Opium has a strong smell, it was rather obvious. At least to me."

Pensively Severus nodded, but instead of answering he simply took another drag from his cigarette. Remus picked his own book up again and climbed on the balustrade. Throwing a scrutinising glance over the stone rail and registering the height of the tower he decided to keep his legs firmly on the inside.

"Afraid of heights?"

Remus grinned.

"Usually not, but this is really high. And I think flying without a broom is rather unlikely. And illegal."

Severus exhaled smoke once more.

"As if anybody would care. Unsupported flying isn't as difficult as it seems. Just takes some practise and someone to push you over the edge."

Now that was something Remus could imagine, Voldemort pushing someone down a cliff and calling it a lesson.

"Been thrown off something?"

It was supposed to be a joke, but Severus simply nodded and shrugged.

"Seems to be the only way to learn it."

It took a while for Remus to make sense of that.

"Are you telling me that Voldemort taught you how to fly? Unsupported flight? By throwing you off a tower? That's insane."

Grinning Severus exhaled smoke again.

"In the end it's only a spell, albeit a rather rare and complicated one. Don't even try. And don't run and tell Albus, he wouldn't be amused."

That was a lot of information in a very short amount of time, and somehow Remus remained sceptic. Unsupported flight was something a lot of people had been thinking about for a long time, and also one of the few things forbidden by a strict magical law. One doesn't fly or mess with time, period. On the other hand rules were something Voldemort hadn't ever shown a greater respect for.

"I can imagine Voldemort throwing someone off a cliff, but actually teaching something?"

That was an absurd idea. Voldemort was a monster, not a teacher or someone who was likely to share his knowledge. But Severus shrugged again and examined the remains of his cigarette.

"You just arrived at one of the core problems the Order has. Voldemort might not be quite human any longer, but he used to be very different. How do you think so many decided to follow his lead? Today politics and war have taken over, but back in the days it was something entirely different."

That didn't seem very credible to Remus.

"So back then they pillaged, plundered and killed with added thought and philosophical theory to it?"

Slightly annoyed Severus threw the bud of his cigarette over the balustrade and watched it vanish in the depth.

"Of course not, the murdering part was always rather pointless. But there were other things that were much more important."

Remus felt himself running out of patience.

"Other things? What other things? I can't even imagine what you're talking about."

Reaching up to his left ear Severus produced a fresh cigarette he must have kept tucked there, in the process accidentally freeing a few strands of black hair he then brushed out of his face.

"Yes, and as I said - that is a typical problem the Order has. Nobody can imagine how tempting these things were, how alluring Voldemort's call once was. And for some still is. You're underestimating him gravely, his charisma and attraction. He is powerful, that is seductive in itself, but he also has knowledge and he passed both, knowledge and power, on to those joining his ranks. There's an attraction of doing evil you cannot imagine. Especially for those of my generation when the difference between what we were taught and what reality was had large gaps. He could bridge those."

Something inside Remus' mind refuse to belive that. How could Voldemort's call ever be seductive? How could doing wrong, causing pain, murdering be deemed worthwhile?

"What difference?"

It surprised Remus how determined Severus was. Apparently he had spent a lot of time thinking about these things, and seemed strangely keen on sharing his thoughts.

"Reality and upbringing. Purebloods were, and still are taught that they are the natural born rulers, told it again and again. But then they arrive here, and more likely then not they end up being Slytherins. Inside their house the hierarchy still works, but outside they are considered to be evil, and not worth mingling with. It's even worse when they leave the school finally. Isn't any Slytherin a dark wizard or witch by definition? Something becomes the truth when you hear it often enough. And then Voldemort calls to them, telling them that yes, it's right - they are the better ones, they are born to rule, they are powerful. And evil, and all of that is very attractive, seductive and mysterious."

To Remus that sounded like looking for excuses.

"So society is to blame and not the one who carries the wand and casts the curse?"

Sighing Severus rested his head against the stone wall behind him.

"I never said that. But a movement like the Death Eaters doesn't appear out of nothingness. Context is so important, but it's blatantly ignored. But no surprise - how many percent of the Order members are Gryffindors? It's a privilege that can be used, and most of them use it. Albus does and has been doing so forever. This has been going on for a long time. Many of Voldemort's followers think of this fight as vengeance, sweetly after a long time, taking back what's supposed to be theirs."

Slowly Remus managed to sort through his many thoughts, but the result didn't please him in the slightest.

"And what about simply letting the past be the past and moving on? Vengeance is such a stupid concept."

Severus nodded, but raised an eyebrow. "You overestimate the personal greatness of many of us."

Both stayed silent for a while. Remus still tried to sort through his thoughts, but he couldn't find an outcome he liked. He thought about the many lives already lost in this war, the suffering of all these that he knew - James and Lilly, then Sirius in Azkaban, nearly losing his mind and life. He thought of the others he had known and knew, and his own luck or fate. And now Severus was telling him that those who clearly were victims in his mind could actually have done something wrong? That the system that had supported him for so long was at fault?

"Why are you telling me that now?"

It didn't really make sense, yet, but Remus already knew that he would spent hours thinking the concept through. As reply Severus simply shrugged.

"Probably because you're listening, and no Order member usually listens to what I say. Wrong time wrong place for you."

That, actually, was a truth Remus could only agree with. No order member would listen to Severus, mainly because his standing in the Order was still highly disputed. His security amongst the order members was mostly built on Albus' protection and the sneaking suspicion some had that attacking a proclaimed Death Eater wouldn't be a very good idea if one valued one's own physical health. Knowing now how fragile the connection between Severus and Albus really was Remus couldn't help but feel how unstable the ground underneath Severus' feet must feel.

Severus, in the meantime, snapped his fingers and lit his cigarette on the small green flame.

"Did you practise, by the way?"

Looking up from his contemplation Remus had to shake his head. Severus took a drag.

"If you don't work on it you won't get far."

Pulling a face Remus nodded, and then succumbed again to his mental chaos. Severus didn't seem to mind the silence. Leaning back against the warm stone his eyes wandered over the Forbidden Forest, loosing their focus somewhere in the distance. For a full cigarette he stayed there silent, and Remus felt as if he had done something to gain the honour of his presence without really knowing what it was.

But finally Severus finished his cigarette, picked up his book and left the tower. Poppy had promised him a new bandage for his still aching wrist, and considering the rather sad state the current one was in since the heavy rain it seemed like necessary change.

They met again at the dinner table in the orchard. Remus was already seated next to Sirius when Severus arrived and, after standing around for a moment, walked to his usual chair to Albus' left. Only because he was already watching them Remus saw how Albus reached out and wrapped his fingers around Severus' bandaged right wrist, pulling him carefully down. Nobody else seemed to have noticed, but for a short moment some emotion Remus' couldn't correctly place wandered over Severus face.

Then he sat, mostly in silence, and endured the lively conversation while staring mostly at his untouched food or the glas of wine he nursed.

Sirius, next to Remus, was the driving force of their evening's entertainment. He told anecdotes and jokes with ease, teasing his happy audience and smiling broadly. Remus enjoyed his friend's high spirits enormously. Azkaban had nearly destroyed him, but he was slowly turning back into the man Remus had known for so long. The sun had supplied him with a tan, his hair had grown out again and become more tameable, and the added weight on his bones helped to create a more healthy look. Remus knew that Sirius wasn't looking forward to turn into a dog again for the upcoming school year, and his intense exploitation of the easy summer days could be easily be understood in that context.

Their lively evening conversation was interrupted by a solitary owl carrying a newspaper. The special edition of the Daily Prophet had been highly anticipated by everybody, and the new scandal had already been at the center of their conversation before the owl arrived. Multiple hands reached out to take the newspaper from the owl, but Minerva batted a napkin at every possible thief and defended her information privilege. To prevent a brawl she unfolded the newspaper and started to read the leading article aloud.

"Hands away, this is my newspaper! You're worse then my fifth-years fighting for a sip of mulled wine. Okay, listen. You've seen the headlines, scandal, and so on. Right. So: This afternoon the ministry confirmed to the press that investigations against a leading ministry employee are taking place. Long-term employee Harold Overy is under suspicion for having sold highly important information, matters of national security, and so on. Also immoral lifestyle, what age do we live in? Immoral lifestyle! What did he do, commit sodomy with his pet toad? Anyway. Overy has been released from his obligation, but resisted arrest and has been on the run since three days. The arrest warrant has been issued on charges of espionage and high-treason. Relevant evidence, armed and dangerous and so on."

She turned the page around.

"And here's a picture. Doesn't look very friendly, that Mr. Overy."

Remus glanced at the page. A snarling magical photograph, in black and white, looked back at him. Overy had a crude face, with rough features and cold eyes. Minerva was right, he didn't look very friendly at all.

"I never knew that there were spies in the ministry. Considering the general disorder there I'm not surprised. Did he work for Voldemort?"

Suddenly all eyes were on Severus, who looked up in mild annoyance.

"Not as far as I know."

Sirius snorted.

"I guess your boss doesn't tell you everything, then. Fallen from grace, are you?"

Severus raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything Albus cut him of, desperate to keep the peace. Severus threw him an annoyed glance and returned to his sulking silence.

"Whatever it is, I am sure we will find out soon. Would you mind if I threw a glance at the article, Minerva? Thank you for sharing your newspaper."

Reaching over the table Albus took the paper, and from there it made the round. Severus glanced at the article briefly before handing it over to Pomona Sprout. When it arrived at Remus' place he examined the picture once more. Somehow the face seemed familiar, something in the cut of the cheekbones and the small eyes resonated with him. But he wasn't sure. He probably had seen him somewhere before, maybe even in the newspaper - there were so many pictures of high-ranked ministry employees around that it was likely. But when he passed the paper to Sirius and looked up Remus registered Severus unreadable glance upon him. Remus tried to smile, but Severus simply turned his head and focused on Minerva who was reading another small article aloud.

But Albus had noticed, too, and his observing gaze was fixed to his very own spy for the remaining hours of the evening, while Remus racked his brain for a clue to where he had seen the face of Harold Overy before. But he remained dissatisfied and went to bed with the feeling of having forgotten something vitally important. Even in his dreams he couldn't remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole flying-thing sounds like I made it up, but for once I didn't - pure canon here! Amazing. I wondered how Voldemort would teach someone how to fly, and pushing people off towers and cliffs sounded just too much like him.


	10. Nothing so simple

The next afternoon Remus finally saw a proper cauldron in the lab. He walked into the sunlit room finding no less than three of them on his working table, as well as a complete set-up on the other table. Severus wore his usual badly damaged lab robe, but this time without any visible sleeves underneath beyond the frayed cloth covering that Dark Mark, and his hair clipped back. It looked like serious work, and Remus was absurdly gleeful. At least there would be a break from cutting techniques and mental acrobatics. 

Without formalities beyond a curt nod as a short greeting Severus came straight to the point.

"You have learnt a fair bit about the necessary basic techniques and time is running up. There is still enough Wolfsbane for the next full moon, but afterwards the stocks will be empty. I propose that you will slowly acquaint yourself with the formula, and then assist me in brewing."

It wasn't a question, but Remus still nodded, trying for all in the world to keep his demeanor composed and cool. In fact he was short of rubbing his hands together. He had been waiting for cauldrons and fire the whole time, it had been the part of Potions classes he had always loved most. A good spark, a roaring fire, the energy of the bubbling cauldron - it felt good, and he couldn't wait to do it again.

"Yes, fine with me. I've been waiting for the brewing process all along."

As usual Severus didn't take enthusiasm too well.

"Don't underestimate the value of proper basic instruction - but I see that's wasted on you. You'll receive the formula later today. First I want you to brew some simple potions so I estimate how useful you will be. And to make sure you're not going to burn the castle down."

Once more Remus nodded eagerly, causing Severus to sigh.

"Somehow I wish my students would be that excited. Another thing, though: you might remember that some ingredients are still missing. I'll apparate into Diagon Alley sometime the next week. If you'd like to accompany me, there are a few rather unusual resources I have to contact."

That was fine with Remus, and it triggered his curiosity once more.

"Unusual resources? Do you ever do anything just like everybody else?"

Involuntarily Severus grinned.

"I don't see any reason to." Then he turned around and walked to one of his own working tables, gesturing Remus to follow him.

"Before you will start working on your own potions you can either decide on a few variations you would like to brew using the books over there or stand by and watch while I'll be processing the Hyle. It still needs a few finishing touches before it can be used in the Wolfsbane."

Remus followed him, the decision being a rather easy one. He had read enough on Hyle to admire the intricacy of the procedure, and was more than interested in the process of refining the strange substance. He had a vague idea from what he had picked up from his books, but he still wasn't very sure how exactly it was supposed to work.

On the large table in the back of the room Remus recognized the small leather pouch holding the Hyle. But beyond that there was nothing but a large bowl, made of what seemed to be a very bright white stone, and a clean glass container with a lid. There was no trace of anything that could be set on fire, much to Remus' disappointment. Severus walked around the table and positioned himself behind it, facing Remus over the bowl.

"As soon as I start working you take a few steps back, nothing but a rather basic precautionary measure. Now, I've already told you a few things about Hyle, it's characteristics and production. Working with Hyle requires a good amount of concentration on the part of the alchemist, so I will explain things to you now and afterwards, but not during the process. You will remain absolutely silent, is that clear?"

Nodding in agreement Remus took a few steps back while Severus opened the leather pouch and produced another, much smaller bag. For a brief second Remus wondered if there'd be another, tiny bag inside the small bag and so on, but he decided to not voice this rather disturbing thought and instead concentrated on the explanation Severus offered.

"So, Hyle. For Wolfsbane it's needed in the stage before it becomes Materia Prima - I told you in Oxford. This - " he lifted the small pouch - "contains a tranquilized form of Hyle. That means the substance has been immobilized, so to say, and doesn't react to its immediate surrounding. If it weren't in that state it would constantly change its form. While working with it Hyle needs to be immobilized or frozen after every step of the process, otherwise it doesn't return to a stable condition."

He put the pouch down again and tapped against the bowl.

"Egyptian alabaster. Hyle in this stage reacts very strongly to metals and elements in wood, so it can't be processed in cauldrons. Alabaster is a rather weak heat conductor, but light-transmissive, so it can easily be saturated by magic, which of course has similar qualities to light. Still alabaster keeps magical energy well. On the downside it's very soft and extremely breakable. These bowls can sometimes only be used twice, or worse, they break on the first use. Alabaster is also dreadfully expensive and hard to find. Libavius uses marble bowls for exactly that reason, but marble is naturally cold and needs a higher amount of magic until it reaches full saturation, which is why I prefer Alabaster."

For a moment Severus turned the bowl on the table before he looked up. "You can already see that every master has their own way of doing things." 

Then he held the bowl up again the window. The fine material seemed to lighten up in the rays of the sun coming in through the windows, and it appeared as if the alabaster immediately developed its own glow.

"I'm not surprised. Can I touch it?"

Denying the request Severus turned the bowl around again and replaced it to its proper spot on the table. 

"Did you read up about specific levels of magical saturation in the laboratory? You can touch it when the work is done. It must not have traces of external energy on it right now, and I cannot exclude the possibility that you're not fully containing your magic. That would be too risky." 

Remus could even point out the exact page in his book dealing with magical saturation and he was fairly sure his magic wasn't leaking out of his hands - he had never had issues with spontaneous magical displays, unlike many other wizards and witches - but he couldn't deny that Severus attitude of better-safe-than-sorry made sense.

"I see. In any case it is rather beautiful."

Severus nodded.

"Yes, alabaster is an exceptionally beautiful material. This bowl is sturdy, by the way. I've been using it for a few month now, and so far it holds up well. Sometimes fragile things are stronger than we think."

He turned the bowl on the table, slightly tracing the upper rim with his hands.

"Good. Here's what I will do, explained on a rudimentary level. The Hyle comes out of the bag into the bowl, and will start to transform immediately. Adding various types of magical energy it will change in specific ways. When it reaches the stage before it turns into Materia Prima it will be restabilized, and stored in a clean glass container. Questions?"

"No, but surely afterwards."

"Good." Without further ado Severus opened the small leather pouch, and shook it. A small cube, about the size of a comon cube used for a game of dice, fell into the bowl.

It looked like ordinary yeast.

Surprised Remus blinked and sniffed, but he couldn't pick the slightly moldy smell up. Apparently it only looked like yeast, and Remus only stopped himself just so from voicing his thoughts. Instead he watched Severus hold a hand over the bowl, lifting the spell that had kept the Hyle immobilized.  
And it started transforming immediately, though at first rather slowly. The cube started to crumble, slowly turning into a sandlike dust. All the time Severus kept his left hand suspended over the bowl, watching the transformation process with visible concentration. When the whole cube had dissolved into dust, filling just the bottom of the bowl he moved quickly, and scooped the dust into his hand.

Turning his now closed fist around Remus waited for the dust to fall back into the bowl. For a second nothing happened. Then Remus felt a sudden change in the magical atmosphere in the lab. Severus opened his fist and tiny balls fell into the bowl, translucent like crystal, making a distinct clicking sound as they hit the wall of the alabaster bowl. It looked a bit as if Severus had turned the dust into glass marbles, only that the marbles now falling back into the bowl immediately transformed once again. Touching each other they merged together, growing noticeably in size.

Once more Severus reached into the bowl and picked up the still growing balls that now hardly fit into his hands any longer. Turning the bowl with his bandaged right hand he threw them back into the bowl, one after the other. On contact with the bowl they seemed to burst, leaving a muddy liquid running down the walls of the bowl. And immediately Remus understood why Severus kept on turning the bowl: soon every section of the bowl was covered in the liquid, which suddenly shifted it's colour and turned into a bright gleaming silver that made Remus feel strangely uncomfortable.

Making sure that every part of the bowl was covered by the silver layer Severus placed both hands around the bowl, as if he were about to lift it up. Remus wondered whether he was actually heating up the bowl, but in any case he was adding magical energy to the process. The thick silver layer suddenly seemed to turn runny, dripping down the walls of the bowl and collecting at the bottom. Then it came to a boil, thick smoke rising. But the smoke didn't get far: it clashed against an invisible barrier just above the bowl, condensed, and dripped back into the bowl.

That seemed to be the longest part of the process. The liquid kept on boiling, vapour rising up, condensing, and dripping back down. It became more and more clear, and after a while there seemed to be no visible difference between the Hyle and pure water. That was the moment when Severus removed his hands from the bowl, moved them in a motion as if he was tracing the perimeters of the bowl, apparently freezing the whole ensemble. Taking the glass container he very carefully poured the now liquid Hyle into it, covered the container with a lid, cast another noiseless spell Remus only recognized by his hand movements, and then looked at the container for another moment.

Nodding and visibly relaxing he looked up.

"That went well. Hyle can be erratic, you never know if things won't suddenly go wrong. But Libavius did a good job on this, as he always does. You look as if you do have questions."

That was an underestimation, but Remus didn't need to enlighten Severus about it. Instead he simply grinned and then bombarded Severus with questions for the next thirty minutes. Displaying a surprising amount of patience Severus answered them all, sometimes having to simplify complicated alchemical processes to help Remus understand something. He lectured Remus about the various stages the Hyle had gone through, the necessary spells and temperature adjustments, and even complimented Remus on his keen perception.

Finally he pointed to Remus' own working table.

"Time for you own work."

Fired up by watching the complicated process and ready to tackle something himself Remus grinned and marched over to his own table. Shaking his head Severus opened the first two buttons of his lab coat and followed him, not without making sure once more that the jar holding the Hyle was properly closed. 

"Were you that eager in class? And have you ever produced concentrated extracts from herbs?"

Remus had, years ago in the class just mentioned. And he had been really good at it.

"Don't pretend you don't remember I gave you a good run for your money. Was that in our sixth or seventh year?"

On Remus' table the cauldrons and prepared herbs were already waiting for him.

"Now that you mention it. My current students do it in their fifth year, we did it in our sixth."

Suddenly the amount of energy the work with Hyle required seemed to show. Instead of remaining standing at Remus' working table Severus pushed a few books aside on his own makeshift desk and rather gracelessly sat down. Rubbing his forehead with one hand he waved loosely into the general direction of Remus' table.

"The book is open, go ahead. Three herbs, three cauldrons, and work with as much precision as possible."

It was almost shocking how tired Severus suddenly looked, with deep lines around his eyes and tightly set jaw, as if he needed a large amount of concentration to even stay awake. But Remus knew better than to inquire, and went to work. And it wasn't a problem, with the open book, his own knowledge and the rare remark here and there Severus bestowed on him. Working calmly he produced three extracts out from the herbs on the table, all of which were to be used in the Wolfsbane. When he was done he transferred the now liquid herbs to prepared glass containers, cleaned his working space and neatly labeled the jars.

Enjoying the confidence coming with success he returned from the storage room where he had placed the jars on the appropriate shelf, next to rows and rows of similar containers labeled in Severus' own pointed script. Remus was delighted that he was still able to brew on his own and at least on the level of a good student, something he hadn't been too sure of. In the laboratory he found Severus staring motionlessly into the space before him. He looked as if he was fighting sleep, and when Remus coughed into his sleeve he veritably startled and slowly pushed himself off the table.

"That wasn't even half bad."

Knowing a compliment when it came from Severus all Remus did was nod.

"I enjoyed the work. You look as if someone had accidentally summoned you from the dead."

Rubbing his temples Severus shrugged.

"Charming. The amount of magic Hyle requires is taxing at the best of times. Right now - but it doesn't matter. I promised you something."

Turning around he retrieved a parchment roll from his desk and held it to Remus, who took it immediately. Examining it he spotted the seal, but had no time to break it.

"That's the - recipe?"

The facial expression in Severus' face was priceless, the exhaustion suddenly making room for utter horror, as if Remus had just compared the Wolfsbane to a chocolate cake. With sprinkles. Though with Severus they would have to be silver and green, probably.

"Formula, or alchemic notation. Read it. You will not understand it, it's too complex and you're not a trained potions master. But small pieces should make sense to you, and it would be useful if you could develop a grasp of the very basic construction. The arithmetical base is included, too, but don't let that bother you. Simply keep it."

Then he examined Remus, and his voice took on a more urgent tone.

"Be aware that you're holding truly extraordinary knowledge. There are only four of these complete notations in existence. Technically the formula is my property, but that's something we shouldn't dwell upon. Remember what I told you in Oxford. This is something you have to guard closely, that you might have to protect one day."

Now holding the parchment roll more carefully Remus nodded, feeling as if he was supposed to raise a hand and swear an oath.

"I understand, and I will be careful. Thank you. I'll see you at dinner?"

Outside the windows the sun was already setting, and suddenly Remus felt tired from his work. How long had he been in the lab? Brewing certainly made one forget about the time.

"Probably not."

Already used to Severus being reclusive and knowing it was no use to try and coax him out of his rooms Remus simply nodded and went to leave the laboratory.

"You should take a rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

Severus didn't reply, but as Remus left the laboratory he saw him sitting down again on his desk rather promptly. But Remus' mind was elsewhere. The parchment roll in his hands felt like a treasure, and although he was tired he couldn't wait to break the seal and examine the recipe. Formula. Alchemic notation.

The setting sun cast long shadows into the hallways, the golden light seeming to turn into pools of liquid gold on the stone floor. The air in the corridors was warm and soft, caressing Remus' skin. He loved these summer evenings, the heat still sitting smugly, only to be disturbed by cooler evening air when the sun would be gone. Involuntarily smiling he leisurely strolled down the stairs to his own private quarters.

His good mood was unexpectedly disturbed when he arrived there. Leaning against his door was Sirius, and from his brooding face he didn't seem to share Remus' joyful mood.

"Where the hell have you been? I've searched high and low for you."

He followed Remus into his private quarters without waiting for an invitation.

"In the lab, brewing extracts from herbs. It worked perfectly, you cannot know how pleased I am. I'm even better than I used to be in school."

But Sirius didn't seem to care about these things.

"Splendid, good for you. And I spent all day bored to death. I've got so few days in Hogwarts before I've got to leave again or turn into a dog, and you waste them in the dungeons with that sour bastard?"

The attack came entirely unexpected. It seemed that Sirius had been annoyed for a while, and now the thunderstorm erupted over Remus' head.

"What are you even talking about?"

But Sirius wasn't finished. With his fists on his hips he glared at Remus.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. You're in the library or in the lab all the time, reading or working on these boring potions things. And that's not even your subject! When do you think you'll prepare your own lessons? And what about our summer plans? Why the are you suddenly spending so much time with that bloody Snape, seriously, what's the matter with that?"

Remus stared at him, considering drastic measures for a second.

"Have you lost your mind or are you jealous? You know exactly that I need the wolfsbane, and thus Severus. This is important beyond anything for me."

Sirius made a noise as if he wanted to spit on the floor.

"I don't trust the fuckmuppet, and you know exactly why. He'll betray us all, just you wait for it. He's misleading all of you, the entire order, Albus, why the hell are you even trusting that - that asshole? You can't take the monster out of a man, never."

It was Sirius' habit to let his tongue run away with him, and he always realised his mistakes far too late.

"So maybe it's more about me finally finding someone like me."

Lifting his chin Remus fixed him with a cold glance, trying to hide sudden rage. Lifting his hands Sirius shock his head.

"You know I didn't mean to say - "

Remus interrupted him brutally.

"You never mean anything. You didn't mean it when you send him into the Shrieking Shack all those years ago, and you nearly killed us all with that. Leave. Now."

Pointing towards the door he silenced Sirius half-formed reply with nothing more than a glance.

"No. You will leave now, and maybe you'll consider next time what a monster really is. Get the hell out of my rooms."

Realising the uselessness of his attempts to explain himself Sirius shrugged, turned around and left as he had been ordered. When the door closed behind him Remus carefully exhaled, willing his clenched fists to relax. Fighting with Sirius always got him to the edge quickly, and he was glad that his wand had been tucked away safely. He wasn't a violent man, never had been, but these days his patience seemed to run up far quicker than usual.

Sighing he crossed into his rooms and sank down on his sofa, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. It could have been such a splendid evening, and then Sirius had to indulge in a sudden fit of jealousy and dig up the old issues. Would that never heal?

And then Remus remembered the things Severus had said on the astronomy tower, his musings on vengeance, on paying back what one had to suffer with equal violence. Loosing himself in a train of thought Remus stared up to the intricate woodwork in his ceiling.

The monster, Sirius had said, could never been removed from the man, and Remus was fairly sure that it wasn't only Sirius opinion. Nobody could not notice the glances, the whispered comments, the endless bickering. The open and the hidden hate, Severus' position nothing but a fragile construct build on Albus' acceptance and protection. 

Remus had never wondered about that, and he couldn't blame anybody else for not thinking about it. Severus was like a closed door, a room locked with a key discarded into a fast river. A smooth façade where nothing stuck, whatever you threw against it. There was always a quick retort, a sharp-witted reply, words meant to hurt and a standing invitation to battle. He did nothing to discourage their opinion. Not that it wasn't obvious that all they saw was a carefully constructed image, a persona Severus assumed, a defined role the world could judge him upon. But people didn't like to second-guess what they thought they knew, and his every word was only gasoline on fire.

A monster, that's what they thought he was.

And what did they say about Remus, behind his back, when nobody else was there? They had reassured him that they were glad he was there, Lycanthropy just another part of him, nothing serious. He was a good man, and they told him so. It wasn't his fault, after all, he hadn't willingly succumbed to this life. It hadn't been his choice. And he wasn't dangerous, with the Wolfsbane turning the beast into something far more agreeable, albeit still quite ugly.

Leave it to the man who was a monster to turn the other man who was a monster into something - human?

Brilliant.

Feeling the sudden need to think somewhere else Remus got up and, not knowing what to do, decided to take a shower. The shower was a good place to think, after all.

Minutes later his clothing was but a chaotic pile on the ground, the water running down his shoulders. Inhaling the scent of his shower gel, fresh mint and bergamot, his mind went back to his former train of thought, his fingers tracing the pattern of lines in his skin, thick scar tissue marking him forever.

These questions weren't new, of course. He had been thinking about these things for a long time, maybe for the first time when he had been a teenager. As they had been for everybody the years between his thirteenth birthday until his graduation from Hogwarts had been a time of searching. But when everybody else had certain defined fields they worried about - girls, muscles, sex, school, in that order - Remus' inner life had been a chaotic mess. The usual problems never really touched him. What use was a well-toned torso for him? Sirius took his shirt off as soon as the snow started to melt, but Remus carried his true character engraved into his skin, an ugly net of pain and fear. How could he explain that, or his monthly vanishing to a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend, for that matter? He could have worried about school, but his grades had always been good. He was an avid student, someone who loved books and learning.

With the years things had gotten better. He'd found friends, people who liked and understood him, even without Wolfsbane. The scars on his body never went away, though. Poppy had told him that dark magic left traces on the body of its victims, proof it had been there. But he got used to the scars, ugly as they were, accepting them just as he had learned to accept the feeling of the moon breaking his bones. They were a part of him, as was the wolf - the dark raging creature, the monster he had finally tamed with nothing but a goblet of disgusting liquid.

Turning off the water he stepped out of the shower, the steam filling his bathroom. Drying himself he wiped the mirror. His own face stared back at him, nothing if not a familiar sight. He still looked old, much older than he was. Those dealing with lycanthropy hardly ever reached an old age. They died early, broken in body and spirit, succumbing to their own instincts, or killing themselves. It was so odd that a potion could have given him so much silly hope.

He turned away from the mirror in a sharp movement. Dressing in a fresh t-shirt and boxer shorts he made his way back into his living room, combing through his wet hair with his hands.

The parchment roll was still lying on the couch, and Remus picked it up in passing and walked into his study. Seating himself at his desk he turned the roll in his hands.

The material seemed simple, but of high quality, and the seal was large, pressed into dark green wax. He studied the tree bearing a single apple for a moment before he broke it, feeling his still lingering anger turning into something akin to excitement.

It looked like a recipe for cake. Remus wasn't sure whether he was supposed to be surprised or not, but it really looked as if he had taken a page out of his mother's recipe notebooks, maybe the one where his mother had noted the necessary steps to prepare a complicated, lavishly decorated wedding cake. Just that Severus' script had nothing in common with the neat little handwriting of Remus' mother. For a moment Remus just stared at the writing. His own father would have called that a character script, no doubt. The letters in dark ink were gently curved, lavishly traced on the page. This was no quick note, and the careful penmanship - so unlike the cursive Severus' usually used - betrayed it. It was legible, but just barely.

But a few minutes later Remus could read the writing with only minor problems, and he started to work his way through the first page. The list of ingredients seemed to be never-ending, but he had worked with most of them in the past weeks, had learned how to cut and prepare them or at least seen them once. The first ingredient was the Hyle, with the comment 'Gradus 1. ante materia prima' written in parenthesis behind. Then there were the herbs and various other ingredients, some of them ostensibly liquid from the way the amount needed was noted.

The explanation of the brewing process, on the contrary, was rather short. The ingredients had to be added in descending order as they were indexed above, and the text mostly contained strange abbreviated information pertaining the necessary magical potencies, ways and times of stirring required, temperatures and necessary cooling times, warnings about vapours and possible volatile moments as well as descriptions about the colour of the potion and the rising smoke. The final paragraph explained how the finished potion had to be tested before it could be administered, ensuring the quality and function. And, finally, a small sentence underneath it all, written in a different script but with the same ink, so small Remus almost couldn't read it: Ita ius esto, de manu propria. It was signed with Severus' full name, including his titles as Remus had seen them in the visitors' book in St. Aurelius.

The very last page included an indecipherable amount of arithmetic symbols and numbers, and Remus concluded that this probably was the real thing - the arithmetical part Severus had spoken about. There was no need for Remus to read it. He wouldn't understand it anyway, he noted without feeling bad about it.

So he returned to the first pages, reading them again and again, using his own notes, the Alchemy book and the literature he had taken from the library to make sense of what he was reading. It wasn't easy, but very slowly things started to fall into place, and Remus felt that there was actually a small chance of him understanding it one day. Not tonight, though. Carefully he copied the formula into his notebook, trying to truthfully write down the strange abbreviations just like the undecipherable arithmetic notation. It might come in handy one day to have a second copy, stored away for his own use.

When he was done night had fallen outside his windows. Sitting back and stretching his shoulder muscles he wondered about dinner, but then decided to take it in liquid form and retreated to his sofa with a tumbler of the fine whiskey Minerva had given him for his last birthday.

The amber liquid was strong, burning his tongue and mouth, and Remus felt as if it was taking away some of his prior thoughts as well, cleaning his head. The night outside his windows was soft, yet dark, and the moon was on its way to become Remus' worst antagonist once more. If he carefully took inventory of his own body he already felt the wolf stirring slightly underneath his skin. But it wasn't bad, not yet. The pain hadn't come already.

Sipping his whiskey in the relaxed comfort of his living room Remus lost himself in thought again. It had been a strange summer so far, so different from everything he had anticipated. But who could have foreseen that he would spent a night in an opium den with an ex-Death Eater and then turn into an assistant of the same man? It was absurd.

Refilling his glass he smiled. A monster, Sirius had said. Well, if one asked Remus he'd say that he knew a thing or two about monsters. About what a monster was. And if Sirius had asked him he would have told him that killing, even in cold blood, didn't turn a man into a monster. Into a murderer, yes. But not into a monster.

But really, if it just were that simple. If there were a clear line between good and bad, between dark and bright. He knew he would have liked that himself. You belong there, I belong here, let's fight this out. One was a monster, the other a man, and if the man won it was a victory for all of them.

But what if the man was the monster, and the monster - but then Remus' tumbler was empty again. The whiskey dripped down his throat, no longer burning. It tasted heavy and warm, liquid smoke and honey. Smiling at nothing in particular Remus sat back. Oh yes, if life were easy! If things were simple. But they weren't, had never been. Would never be.

Here be monsters, they had written on old maps, on the areas where nobody had ever set foot. If you don't know it presume it as dangerous. Where did monsters live these days? Just to make sure Remus checked underneath the sofa, but the only thing there was a colony of dust bunnies. The only resident monster in these rooms was he himself. And in the castle? The tumbler was empty again. Refilling it one last time and downing the alcohol Remus let himself fall back into the pillows.

His thoughts, so clear and concise before, now seemed to be a wet mess of fur, drenched in whiskey and helplessly entangled. Staring up at the ceiling he smiled without knowing why. Here be monsters, yes. Why not. Even they needed a place to live, didn't they? Not everybody could play for the lucky team of man. There had to be monsters.

Smiling brighter at nothing in particular he closed his eyes, just for a moment, and promptly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ita ius esto, de manu propria - and so it is rightly/correct, done by the hand of (from roman law, claiming the correctness of procedure, pertaining law of ownership)


	11. Trouble come running

The next day Sirius apologised, as he always did, and as the protocol of their friendship demanded it Remus forgave him. It wasn't difficult, after a night of alcohol fueled sleep and a bad morning. As soon as the headache was gone and he could think again he knew what was bound to happen. It was a neverending story, and Remus fully believed that their life was always going to play out that way. 

Over a mug of coffee Sirius pleaded for forgiveness, looking a bit like a sad and wet dog, and Remus smiled and noded. Walking down the corridor on his own again he made a mental note to remember that there were people who didn't put every word they spoke up to scrutiny before it left their mouth. Sirius was a decent bloke, a good man even, and had been a loyal friend for a very long time. He used words carelessly, but he rarely really meant to inflict harm. Sometimes he didn't think, but didn't that happen to all of them? Sometimes they didn't think. No, Sirius was a good man, and Remus smiled and nodded, and it was forgiven. As always.

And as usual Remus had different things to worry about, with the next full moon around the corner. The wolf was already awaking, slowly, becoming more and more present every day. At night the creature started to rattled his bones, tearing on his muscles, growling in his dreams. The energy of the wolf dripped into his veins, and he couldn't sit still. The wolf needed exercise, movement, a prelude to the hunt that would follow. And so he walked, wandered through the large castle, over the meadows towards the forest, be it day or night. During term time it was an obvious thing to take on patrol in the corridors in these nights, and he had never been questioned for his willingness to take on a duty most of his colleagues considered exhausting. But in the summer there were no students to keep in check, and so Remus allowed his body to carry him wherever it pleased. The summer nights were beautiful, almost bright with stars, and a soft breeze in the air. 

But summer meant that he was also alone in the night. During term time there were so many people in the castle that being truely alone seemed like an impossible thing, and there was always someone else checking on students, soothing a bad nightmare, calming a fight. There was Filch, and sometimes Albus, and Minerva, and Severus, whose light steps Remus often heard behind a corner. They hardly ever met in these nights, but the man's silent presence had become something of a strange companion to Remus. Even now, during his summer wanderings in the forest Remus thought he heard something - the faint sound of someone apparating, a long hem rustling the grass. But when he turned around nobody was there but the moon and Remus' own thoughts. Alone he continued his aimless wanderings, in the woods or the castle, just a man walking with the moon. Still a man. Not yet the monster.

And then the first day of the full moon was there, and Remus thought he'd jump out of his skin if he were just capable of it. He went to Severus' private lab on the early evening of the full moon to take the Wolfsbane. They hadn't been working that very day, and Remus was sure the lab had never been that empty. The day's last sunlight filtered through the not-quite-clean windowpanes, drawing long columns of brilliant light on the sandstone floor, the dust dancing in the air. The tables were spotlessly clean, with not a cauldron in sight besides the single one holding the wolfsbane. The heating process was already over, the potion cooled to its proper temperature for taking. The door to the stock room in the back was open, and Severus nowhere in sight.

Remus had enough time to sniff the familiar concoction in the solitary cauldron until steps on the stone floor announced Severus' appearance. He held a clean glass jar, and looked visible annoyed at something Remus couldn't yet guess. He was obviously not set to work that very evening, and Remus wasn't sure if the pang in his stomach meant jealousy of someone's free time or something entirely different.

"Good evening. I see you have plans to go out later?"

Without hiding his curiosity Remus gave him the once-over, taking in his battered and faded dark denim, for the weather slightly too heavy black leather boots, and an obviously old t-shirt, the short sleeves revealing a bit too much pale skin than it was good for Remus' sanity. The Dark Mark was hidden beneath the same piece of cloth as always, and his right wrist was free of the bandage Poppy had replaced almost daily in the past weeks. He had taken it off in the morning, and Poppy had spent the entire lunch trying to talk Albus into reasoning Severus back into it - apparently without any visible success. 

Placing the glass jar on the working table Severus raised an eyebrow. As it was his habit he skipped the formalities and ignored Remus' question.

"Is the goblet we usually use still in your rooms? It seems to have vanished from my lab."

Remus shrugged.

"I guess the house elves collected it last time and washed it, Merlin knows who's using it now. You should check in the kitchen."

Shaking his head Severus mumbled something very unfriendly about the general idea of property and its forgeiness to houseleves, and then set to work transferring the potion from the cauldron into the glass jar. But even before the potion had fully found its way into its new home a soft sound behind Remus made him turn around.

Behind him, just in front of the door, stood one of the strangest creatures he had ever seen. The thing looked a bit like an evil caricature of a house elf. Roughly proportioned like a tiny human it had dark grey skin, shriveled lips, and a generous amount of white hair. Its eyes were large, but shaped strangely and the dark irises seemed small around a black pupil. It wore something similar to a shrunken tunic over dark pants, belted around the area where Remus suspected its waist to be. Attached to the belt was a set of keys and a leather pouch. The creature didn't move, and - far more unnerving - it didn't seem to breathe.

Confused Remus stared at the creature, while Severus, still standing at work table, carefully allowed the last drop of the potion to run into the glass jar before he put the cauldron down. He didn't even look up, but said something in a language that sounded vaguely like bastardized latin, a melodic mumble. The creature nodded wordlessly, and was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

"What was that?"

Severus looked up, not even trying to hide his satisfaction at Remus' surprise.

"You are supposed to be the expert on Dark Arts here."

Remus snorted.

"Doesn't mean I've seen every little evil beast that crawls around on this planet. Or hovers. I've never seen something like this, at least."

Checking the cauldron for any remains of the potion Severus clicked his tongue. 

"If you've never seen a Drak you should do some reading."

Done with his inspection of the completely empty cauldron Severus put it down again. Resisting the urge to growl instead of a reply Remus nodded, lacing his answer with just enough sarcasm to make it sound less like a small defeat. 

"Of course, a Drak. Should've thought so myself."

Shrugging Severus nodded and pushed the glass jar into Remus general direction. Remus took it, but didn't drink yet.

"What the hell is a Drak? Some Death-Eater-appropriate version of a house elf?"

Brushing an invisible speck of dust from the work table Severus shook his head.

"Death-Eater-appropriate? You should be careful when talking about things you know nothing of. A Drak is some sort of spirit. Usually they are little tricksters, stealing, hording, setting things on fire, that kind of thing. Muggles believed they look like dragons, hence the name. Sometimes they attach themselves to humans, most often to other magical creatures. This one used to serve my master, and now works for me."

While speaking he set about to clean, carrying the cauldron over to the sink and taking the bottle of Nihilio from its spot on the desk with him. Remus sniffed the jar. It smelled just as terrible as always. With nothing more than an internal sigh he closed his eyes, and downed the liquid as fast as he could. It was revolting, to say the least, but he knew that there was nothing anybody could do about that.

Shuddering he put the jar down again, grateful that the conversation about the drak provided entertainment.

"Which one?"

For a second Severus stilled his cleaning effort, and then shrugged and continued to rinse the cauldron. The steam rising from the water suggested that it was close to the point of boiling.

"A valid question, I assume. Valentinus, the potions master who trained me. After his death the Drak decided to stay with me."

Still tasting the revoluting potion Remus nodded.

"So he's something like your house elf?"

Severus continuied his cleaning efforts, bestowing most of his attention on the cauldron in the sink.

"He does a few things a house elf would do, but he isn't a servant."

Remus watched him scrub, rinse and clean the cauldron once more with Nihilio, and then using a soft cloth to dry it. His hands had turned an angry red from the hot water.

"Place the jar in the sink, I'll see to it later."

The cauldron went to a temporary spot next to the sink, and while Remus deposited the jar into the sink Severus walked over to his desk, collected a jacket Remus hadn't noticed before, and gestured towards the door. Remus took the hint and walked over, leaving the lab. Severus followed him, draping the jacket over his shoulder. Halfway through the door Remus watched him stop, his brows furrorwing for a moment. Then he turned around, stalked back to the desk and retrieved his wand from a underneath a pile of paper. Casting another glance around he finally left the lab, and the door closed behind him with a heavy thud.

"So you have your own private evil house elf? You'll never cease to surprise."

It was supposed to be a good-hearted jest, but Severus simply allowed an eyebrow to rise a few millimeters. Only the hint of acid in his voice betrayed that he was starting to grow tired of Remus' questioning.

"I told you the Drak is not an evil house elf, as you put it. I do not appreciate the company of house elves in general."

Grinning Remus nodded.

"I can imagine. Far too chatty for you, right?"

Shrugging Severus pocketed the wand in the appropriate section of his jacket.

"Privacy is a good of great value, especially in a place like this. Good-bye."

Before Remus could answer he simply nodded once, turned on his heel and swiftly walked down the corridor. Remus could all but take the hint, return the farewell and watch his retreating backside with a certain amount of sadness. He'd like to have a night out, too, and that kind of denim - but the harsh taste of the Wolfsbane was still on his tongue, and he knew he'd better retreat to his quarters. It wasn't late, yet, but the moon would rise, and he had a soft furry carpet to sleep on.

Four days later Remus was just getting over the aches and pains of the transformation when the spindly beast he now knew was the Drak suddenly appeared in his private study. Remus almost dropped his teacup in surprise. He was very much sure that he hadn't invited the creature into his quarters. but the Drak didn't seem to care for simple things like that. Silently the spirit handed him a small piece of parchment, a look of disdain on its grey face. Remus put the cup down and took it.

"Uhm, thank you?"

The creature didn't move a single muscle in its face, and was gone as suddenly as it had appeared. Shaking his head Remus stared at the empty spot on his carpet. He'd need to speak with Severus about that, really.

The parchment wasn't any chattier than the messenger had been. It only announced that Severus intended to apparate into Diagon Alley the next day, and if Remus had any plans to accompany him he was instructed to be at the usual spot in the Forbidden Forest at a certain hour, and bring a cloak with a hood. That sounded rather unusual, but then Severus was never quite a man for doing things the easy way. Apparently even when it came to shopping.

Remus spent the day doing his own work and collecting shopping lists from Albus and Minerva. They spoke about the little excursion during lunch, and he was surprised to see Minerva fighting to suppress a laugh when Remus mentioned that he really hoped that they would spent some time at Flourish and Blotts. It was Albus who took the chance to enlighten him that shopping with Severus usually only meant going to Flurish and Blotts. Apparently Remus hadn't yet realized that Severus was the castle's current resident bibliomane.

They met in the Forbidden Forest the next day at the time the parchment had stated. Remus was almost perfectly on time, but even that way Severus was already there, dressed in his full academic regalia, buttoned up to his throat, the hodded cloak elegantly draped over his shoulders. Remus was glad that he had decided on his teacher's outfit as well, long robes in a dark burgundy, almost new. They exchanged a quick greeting, and apparated separately into Diagon Alley.

As luck would have it they had picked a good day. The always busy street wasn't too crowded, although even on a slow day shoppers milled around. Remus looked around, suddenly realizing that he hadn't left Hogwarts for quite a while, if he didn't count their trip to Oxford. Immediately he saw the odd student here and there, mostly with their parents, making the first purchases for the upcoming school year.

With an almost inaudible "plopp" Severus appeared next to him, even his cloak now buttoned all the way up. Remus only shook his head.

"Aren't you dying in this heat?"

Severus was unimpressed, nothing in his face suggesting that they had actually shared almost friendly conversations in the last weeks.

"Cooling spells, Lupin. Third year, if I recall correctly." But before Remus could answer he continued. "Did Albus and Minerva supply you with their lists?"

Nodding Remus produced two scrolls from the pockets of his coat. They grew remarkably in size in his hands, and he could almost see Severus' internal fight to keep a straight face.

"I see. We should deal with business in Diagon Alley first before we proceed. It would seem a good idea to split up. How much to do you need to buy?"

Remus glanced at the lists.

"Well, not much. I want to go to Flourish and Blotts, and get some sweets. Albus and Minerva requested mainly books." He ignored the disparaging glance Severus threw in his direction as soon as he mentioned the words 'sweets".

"Splitting up might be helpful, but finding somebody here is always a pain." With a shudder Remus remembered loosing his mother in the chaos Diagon Alley was in the last week of the summer holidays. It had taken hours until they found each other again, and he remembered the feeling of being utterly lost for all mankind. 

"As you wish. Flourish and Blotts, then."

Together they made their way down the street in the general direction of the bookstore. Remus enjoyed looking at the store windows, examining the newest Quidditch equipment in passing, while listening to the chatter of the shoppers. Magical folk tended to displays of joviality in public, especially when it came to loud laughing and story-telling with raised voices. There were small groups gathered in front of the store windows, loudly discussing the newest Wizarding Jokes and the daily news. Here and there someone carried a meowing cat or owl, and a few young men had their brooms shouldered in displays of proud ownership.

Severus didn't seem to be interested in all of that. His face firmly set into his usual mask of slight annoyance coupled with irritated aloofness he lead the way to the bookstore. But while he didn't look at anyone Remus saw passerbys looking at them. He wasn't sure if it had something to do with recognition - after all, Severus was Head of Slytherin House, and had been for a while - or if the simple message of the black clothing and the scrowl on his face were enough to scare their glances away. But there was something in the way people avoided them. Some maybe even nodded a friendly greeting towards Remus, and then did their best to ignore Severus as best as they could. He had a reputation, Remus realized, and people either knew or quickly picked up on it. Nobody crossed their path or disturbed their walk, and nobody stopped for a quick chat.

Quickly they reached Flourish and Blotts, and Remus followed Severus inside. The coolness inside the cramped store was remarkable, and the smell of books immediately filled Remus' nose. He couldn't help but feel his spirits rising.

The door hadn't closed behind them yet when a tiny wizard in dark green robes came bouncing towards them.

"Professor, as always an honour. You are here to collect your orders?"

Severus nodded. "Indeed." The small wizard clapped his hands and bowed eagerly.

"Almost everything arrived. But I have the displeasure to report a problem with the oldfrench manuscript you ordered. If you wouldn't mind following me, so we can discuss that in private - ?"

Severus shot a quick glance to Remus, who motioned towards the large bookstore and waved him off. Following the small wizard Severus vanished through a door into what Remus presumed to be an office, and Remus was free to roam the paradise himself. He first collected the titles from Minervas' and Albus' lists, and then lost himself in the maze of bookshelves. The books around him seemed to whisper, all of them simultaneously, beckoning him to pick them up. Read me, it sang in his ears, I can grant you wisdom. Buy me, I will entertain you. Oh, you will love me, you won't sleep for a week, I promise.

Quickly his basket was full. He strolled through the section with fictional works, cast a glance at new biographies, and then found a free chair in the section labeled "Potions & Herbology". He didn't need long to pick a selection of books and settled down to read the first chapters and flip through the pages. Decisions like this were always difficult for him. He had been on the run for such a long time, had never been able to buy things, especially not things as heavy as books. But now he had a proper home, a place where he lived and kept bookshelves of his very own, not speaking of the salary that actually made buying books possible. Still he tried to avoid unnecessary purchases, and one could read only so many books in a lifetime. The wolf, after all, was illiterate.

Within minutes he was absorbed in the books on his lap. He had no idea how much time had actually passed when he looked up between the fifth and six Herbology book and found Severus sitting on a low shelf next to him. He had a small stack of books next to him, holding a rather large tome simply titled "Nymphaea - Care and Uses in Spagyrical Experiments" balanced on his knees. His long cloak spilled all over the low shelf, and the book looked strangely colorful next to the sea of black fabric that surrounded it. He seemed to flip through the book with only minimal concentration, and immediately looked up when he felt Remus' glance upon him. In the warm light in the bookstore his features seemed to soften, the cool detachment temporarily gone. 

"Difficult decisions?"

Remus blinked, hoping that he wasn't blushing too hard. Or at all. He willed the warmth spreading through his stomach to die away.

"I wanted something sufficient to work with to train my Herbology skills, but it's rather difficult. I guess I have to give your book back one day, right?"

Closing the volume he held and replacing it on the shelf behind him Severus nodded.

"Do you want a recommendation?"

Picking up his own stack of books Remus passed them on to Severus. He took them and balanced them on his knees, quickly discarding the first three and casually flipping through the next ones.

"Just as I thought. Take the Luitgard for Hebology, it's excellent. She was a great witch, and her books are still read today for a reason." Opening an especially colourful book on potions he made a noise that would have send his students underneath their tables in panic. "What do people want with all these pictures? As if that would explain anything. Assmar is an idiot, and you can trust me on that, I had the displeasure to work with him. Don't buy his books. Someone ought to write a proper complete work on the basics of potions, but I don't see that happening anytime soon."

Remus grinned at the utter look of horror with which Severus regarded the book he had found at the bottom of the stack.

"Why won't you write it yourself?" He couldn't help but tease, though he had no idea if Severus routinely wrote books. Just to be sure he made a mental note to check that later. Meanwhile Severus pulled a face and closed the book with a snap.

"No time. But Libavius should really start working on a good introduction, he has the teaching experience and a good knack to explain things."

Handing the Herbology book he had picked to Remus he transferred the remaining stack to the shelf next to him. A silent spell and they floated away, reinserting themselves into their proper places in the shelves.

"We should go, before either of us buys up the whole shop. Are you done here?"

Nodding Remus got up, collecting his basket and following Severus through the shelves. They passed "Tea Leaves & The Hidden Truth" and turned to the right next to "Transformations - Advanced Works".

"I guess I could spent a day and a night here. I don't even know where to start."

Severus looked at his basket.

"Feel free to use my library, if you feel that the Hogwarts Library is lacking anything. Without being pompous I guess I own one of the more extensive collections in the castle."

Remus' eyebrows were only stopped when they reached his hairline.

"Your private library? Is that a joke?"

But Severus only shrugged.

"Why not? Books should be read, dust doesn't make them better. Albus and Minerva both use my library and I theirs, it's been an arrangement since years now, and so far has proven to be very functional. I see no reason why you shouldn't be included into that."

Before Remus could answer they passed the shelf entitled "Quidditch - Equipment and Rules" and reached the open main room again. The small wizard was already waiting for them, transforming a remarkably large stack into a more useful size and calculating the bill. When he finally uttered the number Remus felt the need to stop his mouth from falling open, but Severus paid without batting an eye. To Remus relief his own bill was much more affordable, and the wizard packed his books and the orders he had taken from Albus and Minerva into a box with Severus' own haul.

"We'll ship everything directly to Hogwarts, as usual. A good day to you, Professor and Professor."

The small wizard bowed a bit too deep, almost toppled over, and Remus saw the badly hidden eye-roll behind Severus' curt nod. He absolutely understood what made the little wizard that happy - a customer like Severus could probably keep the whole shop in business without any problems.

And then they were out on the street again. "What else do you need?"

The sweets, and as Remus had expected Severus remained safely outside of Syrians' Sweet Shoppe. Remus had no such concerns for his reputation and threw himself into the delightful chaos of Babushka bars, egyptian Pistachio loops and Damascene silk drops. The long rows of glass jars were filled with all kinds of tempting goods, and Remus could only just so resist buying far too many of the colourful delights. The sales counter offered even more freshly made treats - honey filled bee-slices, small smoking liquorice pipes and chocolate covered bouncing bears were the day's special offer. Carefully he picked a variety of items that would survive being transported in the hot weather conditions they faced outside, and added another bag of lemon drops he knew Albus would enjoy. Through the window he saw Severus draped against a lamp-post, arms crossed in front of his chest and compellingly playing the role of annoyed waiting person.

Finally Remus, having paid for his treasure, saved him from an untimely death caused by boredom.

"What did you buy in there, the entire shop?"

Grinning Remus offered him the small brown paper bag the sales girl had packed a fresh peanut snail into. Shaking his head Severus declined with barely hidden contempt.

"Thank you, save it for Albus. He'll be delighted. I need to got to the pharmacy, there are some issues with the orders for the new year."

With visible joy Remus took a bite of the peanut snail and followed Severus chewing. The pharmacy was dark and had much less traffic than the Sweet Shoppe. It didn't take long for the accountant Severus usual did business with to appear, and they had a heated discussion about the quality of a certain ingredient. In the end the man gave in, unwillingly and growling, and gave Severus the better conditions he had wanted. Remus listened patiently and not without amusement. It was fun listening to Severus' rhetoric and admire his capability to talk people into almost anything - as long as oneself wasn't on the receiving end of it, that was. The deal was signed off without further ado, and they left the pharmacy with a small bag with still twitching fresh spider legs in Severus' cloak pockets.

Without any commentary Severus then led them further down Diagon Alley. The traffic became lighter almost immediately, and suddenly they rounded a corner and faced the entrance to Knockturn Alley.

"As I said, I have some more business to do. Been here before?"

Remus shock his head, peering into the crooked alley. Severus grinned, with a hint of maliciousness on his face.

"Then have fun."

Remus frowned, but Severus simply pulled up the hood of his cloak and stepped into the dimly lit alley. Following his example Remus hastened to not stay behind, as discreetly as he could making sure that his wand was right where it was supposed to be.

Their surroundings almost immediately changed. The houses stood closer together here than in Diagon Alley, crouching, leaning onto each other. Sometimes their roofs almost touched over the alley, rendering it much darker then the hour of the day would normally allow. Everything seemed a bit more gloomy and shabby. The dirt on the street was disgusting, and most of the lamps seemed broken. It was almost a caricature of what Remus would have thought an evil liar should look like, but it was strangely real. Only here and there others were seen walking, shrouded in cloaks, hoods covering their faces. Most of the time Remus didn't even know if they passed by a man or woman.

Deeper and deeper they ventured into Knockturn Alley. Soon most of the houses seemed to be empty, the windows blind, doors covered with bars and nailed shut. The ground was wet, strange pools of - Remus didn't want to know, really. Severus seemed to know exactly where he was headed, leading them deeper and deeper into the Alley, and then suddenly turning to the left and vanishing into an even smaller opening. Remus followed quickly. He couldn't shake of the feeling that someone was following them, but looking over his shoulders nothing but a stray cat moved. He chalked it up to his imagination. Must be the darkness. And the ugly smell.

Then they stopped in front of a particular rundown house. A long time ago a shop must have been on the ground floor, but now the large windows were broken and Remus saw nothing but dust and debris inside. The door next to it was closed and there wasn't a single light visible. Nevertheless Severus tilted his head and looked upwards, fixing his gaze upon a certain window on the first floor. For a moment Remus thought that there was a movement in the dirty curtains, but he could have been wrong.

But Severus seemed satisfied, walked over to the barricaded door, and knocked against it four times. Then he waited a short moment, and knocked once more. Remus heard the sound echo into the empty silence of the house. For a moment nothing happened.

Then he heard shuffled steps inside the house, coming closer very slowly. The sound made his toes curl, but he forced himself to stay calm and not move an inch. Severus seemed odly relaxed, which Remus counted as a good sign towards their chance of survival. Finally there was a strange sound behind the door, and suddenly the wooden boards barricading the door vanished into thin air. In the door frame stood a woman, shriveled and tiny, who seemed to be at least two hundred years old. Her hair was grey and dirty, a messy cloud around her head. She stared hard at Remus out of almost blind eyes, before her gaze fixed itself upon Severus.

Then she shrugged, murmured something, and turned around. The door remained open, and Severus didn't hesitate a moment and entered the house with Remus on his heels. Inside the house seemed just as ruined as from the outside. There were thick cobwebs in every corner and down the walls, the windows blind with dirt, the rooms almost empty. The few remaining pieces of furniture were covered with white cloth, as one would do with a corpse before burial. Remus shivered in the strange chill.

It seemed as if the corridor would never end, and Remus quickly realized that there was unusual magic at work. The old woman walked on and on, shuffling her feet and muttering incomprehensible things beneath her breath. The smell was disgusting.

Finally they reached a heavy wooden door, and the woman shock the knob a few times before it finally opened. She walked into the room with a bit more speed, and Severus followed her.

Remus stopped dead in his tracks on the threshold.

In front of him lay a large oval room, the walls panelled in dark wood, the whole space bright with light coming through a large green rooflight. The walls were covered with shelves which were filled with jars and bottles, flasks and small boxes. There were trunks on the floor and large caskets, a small coffin here and there, stacks of books and cages with monster books and strange creatures. In the middle of it all stood a large table, made out of dark wood. Behind it a another slim work table was placed, covered in potions utensils - cauldrons and more jars, bowls made out of what seemed to be emerald and ruby, alabaster and wood. It was a cabinet of wonders, filled with many things Remus had no idea could be of use to anyone. What did anyone need charred wooden planks for? Large and hopefully properly killed crocodiles? Bones tied together with silk strings? Eyeballs in blue liquid? Chains with shark teeth? Shrunken heads of goblins?

On the large table in the middle only a few items were stacked - books, a few vials, a leather pouch. The old woman shuffled around the table, and her hunchback almost prohibited her from looking at both men. Sighing with a coarse voice she put both her hands on the table and transformed with such a speed that Remus almost jumped back. She grew in height, and suddenly someone completely different took her place. Gone was the mob of hair, the swollen feet, and the hunched back. In her place stood a slightly oriental looking wizard, very tall and of slim build, with soft dark curls carefully tied back in his neck. He was dressed entirely in black, and even in the dim green light cast by the rooflight Remus realized that his frock coat must have cost a fortune. His face was a bit broad, with a strong jaw and almond shaped eyes sparkling with humour. He was visibly enjoying Remus surprise at his sudden transformation, and a small smile tugged at his lips.

"Master, a pleasure as always."

Severus bowed his head, very slightly, and the wizard repeated the gesture immediately.

"Oh yes, indeed. Too much honour, though. I received your message a few days ago."

His voice was musical and soft, his accent thick and betraying his heritage from somewhere decidedly off the coast of Great Britain.

"Not the diploma makes the master, but then we've had this discussion before. Do you have what I requested?"

The man smiled fully now, revealing a set of not entirely straight teeth. Remus fought hard not to stare. There was just something about this wizard that spoke of an intense temperament, and Remus imagined that he could feel the magic surrounding him. His slim hands, adorned with heavy silver rings set with gemstones fluttered through the air gracefully, lending more importance to his words and complimenting them perfectly.

"It is my pleasure to tell you that I do. Alantwater, Bloodberryextrakt, both of them perfectly distilled and clear." He pointed towards two vials. "The bloodberries are delicious this year." He picked up a pouch. "Dried Eupatoria, Waternutseeds, Zichoriadust. All from reliable sources, and tested by myself."

Casually strolling forwards Severus closed the distance between him and the table. "As always I would like to quickly prove your words."

Still smiling the wizard nodded once more before fixing his gaze upon Remus. "And as always you may."

While Severus busied himself with the vials and leather pouch the dark gaze of the wizard stayed on Remus, who had the strange impression that the man was either flirting with him or using some kind of legilimency he couldn't fully detect. There was a strange sensation in his stomach, suddenly, and he felt warm and strangely happy. Feeling a bit dizzy Remus blinked. Then he noticed a soft tingling sensation on his forehead, a little bit as if an invisible finger was gently prodding against his skull, carefully examining how much resistance there would be. The dizziness increased - he blinked rapidly, and out of the corner of his eyes saw Severus slowly tilt his head to the side. Before Remus understood if there was meaning behind that minimal and slow movement he felt as if a thick and cool blanket had been draped over his head, effectively blocking out everything else. Confused he shock his head, trying not to stumble backwards.

Then he heard Severus cough silently, and the sensation was gone as soon as it had come, although Remus head was still spinning a bit.

"Your wares meet my approval, however - "

Severus didn't continue his sentence, and the wizard raised his hands.

"I see. Well, pitty, indeed." He smiled again at Remus, who tried to blink as often as he could and not return the gaze. Just to be sure. 

When he looked at the table the next time it was empty, and he could only see the edge of a small bag vanishing into the wizards' robes. The man smiled again, this time at Severus, who softly shook his head.

"I see you are unchanged, Master. So, tell me, how are things in the Palazzo della Caldeia?"

This time the smile on the wizards face was much broader.

"Everything is as it was. The Palazzo is still standing. Master Colonna sends his wishes to you, as does my mistress. Both of them are very well. Ama et fac quod vis!"

Shaking his head again Severus smiled. "I am glad to hear that. Send my regards."

The man bowed slightly once more. "I will, and I hope you will stay in good health, too, you and your compagno."

Once more Remus felt the glance upon him, dark eyes staring straight at him - and once again suddenly it was gone. Severus only nodded and turned around, motioning for Remus to follow him.

"If fate will have it. Good-bye, until we meet again."

Remus simply nodded, and made sure that he kept as close to Severus' back as it was possible without stepping on his heels. The whole situation wasn't to his likening, and he was happy that they left the house. This time the corridor seemed very short, and they reached the front door quickly. It opened silently, but slammed shut with proper force behind them. Then they were out on the street again, breathing in the stale air. Remus exhaled gratefully and realized that it was darker around them then it was supposed to be.

"What the - what time is it?"

Severus cast a quick glance at him, and raised an eyebrow. Then he shock his head, which Remus interpreted as the sign to stay silent. He hadn't expected what happened next. He felt a soft impulse of magic, nothing like the probing sensation that had prodded his skull inside the room.

_"This isn't a good place for mindless chatter."_

Shocked Remus blinked again rapidly. He had heard Severus answer, clearly, but he was also sure that he hadn't actually seen him speak. And that meant - oh no. He stared at Severus angrily, who only sighed and shock his head.

_"I'm not even inside your mind. On the contrary, you are inside of mine. Think whatever you want, I won't hear it."_

If Severus had indeed read his mind he would have learned a few swear words he maybe had never heard before. Or maybe had. But his complete unmoving demeanor reassured Remus, at least a bit. He would give him an earful back in Hogwarts, that much was for sure.

_"I see you can cope. There is something else I have to do, but first let us leave."_

Remus nodded silent approval, and then followed Severus down the small alley. It was darker now than it had been before, and Remus really didn't like his surroundings anymore. He could see shadows, and most of them were far more alive than he liked them to be. Turning around a corner he once more had the sudden impression that one of them was following him. He quickly threw a glance over his shoulder, but everything seemed calm. Shaking his head he caught up with Severus again, only to almost run into him when he suddenly stopped.

They were standing almost exactly in front of the entrance door to a rather unsavoury establishment that seemed to be the most rundown magical pub Remus had ever seen. And he wasn't one to be easily put off by something - his few years in muggle poverty had taken him to placed the magical world would never see. He saw Severus shrug.

_"Fancy a drink? We won't be long."_

Remus blinked. Severus must have lost his marbles. How could someone fancy a drink in something like this?

_"Feel free to leave, if you'd prefer to."_

Looking around Remus pulled a face and shook his head. He wasn't even sure if he'd find the way back on his own, at least not without getting lost a few times. He also didn't see a sign saying "No Werewolves" with the appropriate ring to leash up your monster - a joke he would have loved to pull, had Severus not condemned him to silence. Shrugging he just followed him inside. As much as he hated being rendered wordless, there was something to be said about having the dark voice directly projected into his mind. It could have lend him to some very improper thoughts, but as he wasn't still a hundred percent certain that Severus really wasn't reading his mind he kept a firm control over his thoughts.

The interior of the pub wasn't any better than the exterior promised. It was dark, dirty, and stank like some of the worst caves Remus had ever slept hin. Remus kept his hood over his face as securly as possible when he noticed that nobody in the whole establishment seemed to show their face. They took seats at the bar, and Severus ordered two whiskey in a tone of voice that would have gotten both of them kicked out anywhere else. But the bartender only grunted, and slapped two glasses of Fireball whiskey down in front of them. Severus growled something under his breath and adjusted his hood that more of his face became visible.

_"Wouldn't drink it if I were you."_

Remus simply growled at the voice in his head. Severus, in the meantime, seemed simply to be staring ahead, looking utterly bored. He turned a cigarette he had gotten from who-knew-where between his long hands, from time to time sipping his whiskey. For a while nothing happened, and Remus wondered why exactly they were here. Then he heard the sound of a muggle lighter being used, and glanced over Severus' shoulder at the young man sitting next to them at the bar.  
He was astonishingly beautiful, and the fact that he wasn't even wearing a cloak made his appearance seem even more out of place. A slim cut face with high cheekbones and large bright green eyes, surrounded by a perfectly cared for mass of silky, almost white blond hair - if Remus hadn't known better he would have been convinced that he was looking a Malfoy in the eyes. But there was something different about this man, although his elegantly cut clothing would have been to Lucius' taste.  
Apparently Severus had noticed him, too.

"You have fire?"

He held out a hand, not even trying to be polite, his voice without its usual silkiness, pitched into a coarse accent that could even tempt Remus into agression. The young man turned his head, looked at whatever was visible underneath the dark hood, and raised an eyebrow. For a moment he seemed to fight hiding utter contempt, but then his breeding won over and the dropped the blue plastic lighter into Severus' palm.

"Thanks."

The man nodded, still not saying anything. Severus didn't react, lightened up his cigarette, and took a deep drag. Holding the lighter out to the young man again the former owner shook his head in thinly veiled disgust.

"Keep it."

Severus shrugged, and pocketed the lighter in his robes. The young man looked at him again, then wrinkled his nose and threw a few coins on the bar. With more elegance than the establishment had earned he slid off his bar stool, crossed the room, and slammed the door shut. The bartender picked the coins up and spit on the floor.

"Are you scaring away my customers, eh?"

Severus put his glass down without drinking and threw a few coins at the bartender who barely managed to catch them.

"Watch your tongue, and be glad that you're receiving any payment at all for the shit you're selling here. Better clean your taproom and when you're done continue with yourself."

The bartender almost choked on his anger, but Severus slid off his own bar stool and stalked out of the pub in a huffed cloud of black fabric. Remus made haste to follow him, and on the whole way out half expected an angry curse to be thrown at his back. But although the bartender was sputtering insults nothing happened.  
Outside he took in the relatively clean air - compared to the pub it was clean and fresh! - and shook his head at Severus, who had a smirk on his face Remus didn't like.

_"Good. We should leave."_

Remus had no idea what kind of work Severus meant, but leaving was perfectly fine with him. Following Severus through the small alley he once again had the impression that one of the shadows was following them. The feeling didn't leave, even though they soon reached the corner where they could turn onto Diagon Alley. The stores were closed now, but there were still people walking the street and looking at the brightly lit windows, and the streetlamps provided enough magical light. Remus felt his muscles relax and pushed his hood off his head.

"I believe I can speak again."

Severus looked at him from the side.

"In Knockturn Alley everything can have ears and eyes."

They made their way down Diagon Alley towards the Apparition Point. But even now, on the open street with the lights on Remus couldn't shake off the feeling of them being followed. He stopped dead in his tracks a few times and looked around, but nothing moved.

"Sorry, I just thought - maybe I'm overreacting."

Severus threw a glance over his own shoulders.

"I wouldn't be too sure. As I said, unsavoury areas."

Nodding Remus caught up with him again. It seemed fine, and he was sure that it was just his nerves. Quickly they reached the public Apparition corner, and Remus felt more at ease at the thought of being at home very soon.

Severus stepped into the corner first, and seconds later was gone. Remus followed suit, looking forward to the calm familiarity of the Forbidden Forest. He concentrated on his route, and felt the world around him slowly blur out. Seconds before he finally vanished he felt as if he saw a shadow moving, but he couldn't see anything clearly anymore. Then he was gone.

When he reopened his eyes he stood on the small clearing in the Forbidden Forest. The air was fresh and filled with the scent of wood and plants, the trees rustling in the soft evening breeze. He exhaled, relaxed even more, and then followed Severus, who had already walked over to the edge of the clearing, right to the spot where the path towards Hogwarts vanished inside the forest.

Remus caught up with him quickly, and together they left the clearing. But they hadn't even been three steps down the path when both of them heard a very faint and very familiar sound. A soft "plopp" echoed over the clearing, and before Remus could do anything he felt Severus take a firm hold of his upper arm and pull him off the path into the forest. They stumbled behind a large bush covering them, while still giving them a good view on the clearing.

Remus felt his pulse beating fast, his hand automatically reaching for his wand.

"Does that - "

He whispered, but before he even finished his sentence his voice was gone. It was a quick spell and gone immediately again. In the moonlight he saw Severus place a finger to his own lips and nod. Then Remus heard the voice in his head again.

_"We seem to have a visitor."_

Shuddering Remus stared through the branches of the bush, thankful for the full leaves granting them coverage, concentrating on the the clearing. He immediately saw that Severus had been right. There was a large shadow visible in the pale moonlight, and it was moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ama et fac quod vis - Love, and then do what you want.


	12. You got some nerve

They stood in silence for a second, focused on the figure moving on the clearing. Remus willed himself into complete stillness, breathing controlled and eyes easily focused in the dark. He had only needed a few moments until his sight had adjusted and the open space before him came into clean focus in the dark. Next to him he felt Severus silent and concentrated. Their closeness crept into Remus' mind for a short moment, Severus' hand still on his arm, but he didn't have time to pursue the thought further. 

Then the shadow on the clearing moved into a spot where the moonlight shone through the trees, and remained standing in the dim spotlight for a short moment. Remus made out a face, brutish features, and small gleaming eyes. Within a split second it clicked in his mind and he knew whom he was looking at.

"The man from the newspaper - " Remus voice was but a whisper, perfectly silenced into a barely audible breath.

But Severus understood him. His own gaze was fixed upon the man, too, and when Remus threw a quick glance at him he couldn't quite interpret what he saw in his face. He didn't react immediately, still focused on the clearing. Remus ran through a number of possible scenarios, his hand tightend on the wand in his cloak pocket. They couldn't allow the wanted man to come any closer to the castle, that much was obvious. Going by strenght in numbers they had the clear advantage over their single interuder. It didn't seem like any elaborate tactic would be necessary. He turned towards Severus, motioning with his head towards the clearing. 

But Severus' hand on his arm stilled his movement, and looking at Remus he slowly shook his head, still perfectly silent. Then he took a step back, careful not to tread on any dry branches on the ground. Noiselessly he drew a hand over the buttons of his cloak, opening them with silent magic, and slipped it off his shoulders. Repeating the movement with the buttons of the frock coat he was wearing underneath and slipping that off, too, he effectively freeing himself of the layers of black fabric that were his trademark. Surprised Remus stared at him.

"What - "

But Severus shook his head again, and moved to drape his cloak over a nearby branch. Without thinking Remus held a hand out. Severus paused, but then placed both items in Remus' hands. 

_"Don't intervene."_

Even in his mind the voice was but a dim whisper, but Severus looked straight at him and Remus frowned. 

"Are you sure - ?"

The concentration on Severus' face made way for the small malicious grin. 

_"Yes."_

Then he turned around.

Slowly and almost noiselessly he walked through the underwood, a feat on the uneven floor with all the dried branches that probably was only enabled by a cleverly placed spell. Then he was on the path in the open, strolling leisurely towards the clearing where the man Remus knew from the newspaper - what had been his name? The ministry spy? He couldn't remember - was walking around trying to determine where he was.

Remus wasn't fond of letting Severus approach the clearing on his own. He had ample fighting experience himself, and it felt strange being forced to stay on the sidelines of what was with certainty going to turn into battle. But then Remus had a clear view of everything and could intervene at any given moment. Still feeling slightly frustrated by being relegated into idleness Remus draped the coats properly over his arm, noticing how lightweight the heavy-looking fabric actually was, and despite his mind being busy with other things picking up the subtle smell of verbena, strong assam and smoke clinging to the fabric. Irritated he forced his attention away from their idle straying and back into focusing on the clearing.

Severus reached the section where the path merged with the clearing quickly and stood still for a moment. Remus only saw his back, with his hands innocently clasped, conveniently hiding his wand from sight. Remus hadn't even noticed him taking it from his cloak, or wherever it had been hidden before. For a split second he became aware that he hadn't seen Severus use his wand at all in the past weeks, neither for brewing nor for performing other spells. It seemed that he still needed it for a good fight, though.

At first nothing happened. The man still had his back to Severus, who simply stood waiting, his white shirt gleaming slightly in the weak light. He seemed strangely relaxed, as if he had been wandering the forest at night going on a leisurely stroll and had only on accident ended up on the clearing.

When the man finally turned around and realized he wasn't alone he made a very fast movement betraying the accomplished fighter and then stopped. Severus didn't flinch.

"Ha, so it was you? Creeping up to me, you lucky bastard, could've killed you."

His voice was coarse and Remus instantly knew that he was looking at the man he had seen at the Opium den. So this was where he had known the face in the newspaper from. He cursed silently for not seeing the connection earlier, and then looked through the leaves once more. This was going to be very interesting, then, and it also explained why Severus had been keen on keeping Remus away from the situation. 

But then the fight seemed to develop only slowly, and it looked as if the man on the clearing wasn't even expecting one. He stood straight and overconfident, and next to him Severus suddenly appeared much smaller. He seemed to make a strange effort to appear less threatening than he actually could be by one simple manipulation of his posture, shifting from his usually stable stance into a strange constant movement. As soon as the man had adressed him he had started to fidget on the spot, coming into a rocking motion, shifting his weight from his toes to his heels in a stupid, constant movement that seemed as if it could throw him completely off balance any minute. It annoyed Remus almost immediately.

"Must be my lucky day, Overy."

Even Severus' voice had shifted, returning to the dark purr that had nearly driven Remus crazy in the Opium den, and for a moment Remus wondered what kind of facial expression went with it this time. But he only saw Harold Overy - now he remembered the name! - and the sudden lust in his face.

"Oh yes, it is your lucky day for sure."

The man idly stepped forward, but didn't move further. Severus didn't seem to mind, humming something under his breath, still swaying gently back and forth. 

"Just wonder, you know, how you came here. Really, haven't expected you here."

Overy laughed.

"You know, there are spells. Stuff you don't understand, of course, but let me make it easy for you. I'll try to explain. We have these pattern tracing spells, very useful little things used to understand apparition behavior - are these too many long words for you? Well. I wasn't sure if it was you I saw in Diagon Alley, but I recognised that rugged bloke you were with and voilà, here I am."

Remus was offended, not because he hadn't thought of himself as a rugged bloke, but because Overy spoke with Severus as if he were facing a slightly slow house elf. But then Severus didn't look very smart, fidgeting on his spot as he was, and the slight shift in his speech patterns didn't help. To Remus' the act was painfully obvious, but Overy seemed genuinely of the impression that he was the smart one when talking to Severus - something people usually came to regret very soon. But right now Severus still seemed to enjoy the little charade.

"I see. Fancy thing, that spell."

Overy flashed a grin.

"Told you I can do great things with magic."

The self-praise almost made Remus choke.

"So you said. Does your fancy spell also tell you where you are?"

The grin on Overy's face stayed steady, broadened even. He looked around once more and then shrugged.

"Some wood in Scotland. You live here?"

Strangely enthusiastic Severus nodded.

"Splendid! You really know everything. A wood in Scotland, yes."

The sugar in his voice would have been enough to give a grown man diabetes, and Remus nearly choked at the cattiness of it all. But at the same time Severus stopped his swaying movement - finally, if one had asked Remus - and moved a few steps in onto the clearing. Overy had no idea, but Remus realized that he was placing himself between the castle and the man, blocking the only open pathway from which the clearing could be left. The man wouldn't get out of these woods, that much was sure.

"It's called Forbidden Forest, isn't that a nice name."

Surprised Overy raised his eyebrows.

"Oh dear me, we're in Hogwarts? Really? My alma mater! Wonderful. You know, I'm a Gryffindor."

It took all of Remus self-control to not slam his palm against his forehead, and he could have sworn that he almost heard Severus' choked laughter.

"What a surprise."

For a small second his voice fell out of his treacly drawl, and the sudden dryness would have alerted any sober human being to the impending danger. Overy, however, was immune to such details.

"Yes, the House of the Brave and the Loyal. How come something like you lives here? They employ squibs?"

It seemed that either Overy was just as dumb as Remus imagined, or he had a rather special sense of humour. Severus crooked his head slightly, and Remus wished he could have saved this moment somehow, just for the sheer pleasure of watching someone call the Head of Slytherin a squib and being entirely convinced he was right.

"They found a nice little spot for me here, nice and calm. There was a bit of space in the dungeons, you see."

Remus waited for the explosion, the final second of understanding in Overy's face after a hint that strong. But he put too much faith into the stout ministry worker turned incapable self-employed spy. Severus could have thrown silver-and-green glittering snakes at him and Overy would have thought it a nice touch for his welcome that simply had ended up on the wrong end of the colour-palette.

"I remember, there was much space there. So what are you doing, some sort of janitor job? They are running a program to integrate squibs into wizarding society at the school now?"

Severus tilted his head again.

"Something to that extent. But, really, I adore our little chat, but I have to get back, they won't be happy. What can I do for you tonight?"

Overy stepped forward once more, and Severus released his arms from his back and dropped them to his sides, effectively bringing his wand into Overy's line of sight for the first time. The man stopped again.

"My, who gave you a wand? Do you even know how to use it?"

Severus cast a glance down at his left hand, and then shrugged.

"So many difficult questions. Is that important?"

Overy stared at him, now with open and unabashed hunger in his eyes.

"No, not really I guess, though I'm not sure if a squib having a wand might not be against the law."

While he spoke Severus changed his standing position, shifting his weight just a bit, and started to unbutton his cuffs with the slowest of movements, all the while still balancing his wand between his fingers. With the ease of someone having all the time in the world he rolled both sleeves up to a point just underneath his elbow, and then stretched. Remus knew it was nothing but show, but it worked. Overy couldn't take his eyes off him. The Dark Mark seemed strangely visible in the pale moonlight.

"Oh yes, what do I want. You see, we had that agreement, and it was really rather favorable."

Dropping his arms back to his sides Severus shrugged.

"Ah, but you're worthless now. Blew your cover, did you, and who's going to give you information now? Nay, you're no longer interesting."

That kind of answer - or any kind of resistance - was something Overy hadn't expected, and his eyebrows shot up.

"Not sure you're meaning that, boy. Anyway, why let's not go somewhere a bit nicer than these woods, you sure have a hut somewhere, don't you?"

Remus rolled his eyes in the dark. He wasn't sure he had ever met someone as dense as Overy. But then Severus clearly enjoyed the strange game unfolding on the clearing. At least up until this point.

"As much as I enjoy our lovely chat, really, absolutely adore it - you're starting to bore me. I'd say it's time for you to leave."

Gone was the dark drawl, replaced by a tone of voice Remus and every student Severus had ever taught knew too well. And even Overy picked up on that.

"New side of you, boy? You got a lot of nerve. Nice, I like them a bit feisty. It's just a little too dark here, don't you think? Let's go somewhere with a bit more light. You're not that ugly, after all."

For a short second nothing happened. Then, out of nowhere, Overy stood in a ring of fire that suddenly soared up from the ground, burning the grass and making the man yelp with surprise. For a split second the whole clearing was lightened by its intense golden glow, casting long shadows in the darkness. Then it was gone again, though the scent of burnt grass remained in the air.

"What the hell - "

Overy didn't finish his sentence.

"I thought you wanted light."

Another flame shot into the air centimeters away from Overy's right foot, and the man jumped into the air like a scared cat. Remus snickered in the dark. Now this was getting entertaining.

"What - who taught you these spells? It's illegal for a squib to use a wand like that and -"

But he couldn't finish his sentence, having to flee again from the fire that suddenly emerged from beneath his shoes.

"I'm terribly sorry. You see, that fire is a bit difficult to control."

Severus shrugged, still standing rather relaxed. He hadn't even moved his wand. Overy needed some effort to collect himself and sooth his ruffled feathers.

"Who taught you that? Is that dark wizard now training his underlings in these things?"

The scent of burnt grass was now much more prominent, with smoke added to it, but even though Overy carefully regarded the meadow beneath his feet nothing happened.

"But you always said you liked playing with fire."

Overy growled, producing his own wand from his pocket.

"Now don't make me overpower you."

Remus grinned in the dark, and he heard Severus laugh softly.

"Spare yourself the pain. You will apparate away from here within the next twenty seconds, and we will forget about this."

It was an order, not a suggestion, but Overy didn't take well to being ordered around.

"And if I don't you'll do what? Come on, don't be ridiculous. You don't stand a chance against me."

He laughed, a brutish sound deep in his throat, despite the small display of fire still very sure of himself. He hadn't lost many a duell in the past years, that much was obvious from the way he handled the situation.

"That remains to be seen. But what do I do then? Cashing in on the money on your head seems tempting, but simply getting rid of you would be rather pleasurable, too."

Somehow Overy seemed to suddenly develop a certain grasp on the severity of the situation he was in. He cast a more doubtful glance at Severus, his wand gripped a bit tighter then before.

"You think you could kill me like that?"

Severus shrugged.

"It's less about being able to than about being willing to, wouldn't you agree."

He tipped his head to the side in a slight angle.

"I could offer you my current body count to enable you a good shot at guessing the probability of your survival?"

Now the last trace of the feigned innocence in Severus' voice was gone for good, and the neutral coolness implied that he was not only in the possession of something like a body count, but also kept it immaculately up-to-date and had no qualms about adding another corpse to it. Remus noticed that Overy took on a stance resembling the basic duelling positions he had seen in his youth in the corridors. His visible preparation for a fight looked strange compared to Severus, who still seemed perfectly relaxed and at ease.

"You wouldn't - who do you think you are?"

Ever since Severus had slightly moved onto the clearing Remus could not only see his back but also his profile, and it wasn't difficult to pick up on the fact that somehow Severus seemed to enjoy the situation more then he was supposed to. The slowly spreading smirk on his face reminded Remus of a cat playing with its dinner while the unfortunate creature was still alive and squealing. 

"I never knew you were a man for these big existential questions! Let's keep this a bit lighter, less complicated. What do you think I am?"

Overy tried to look uninterested, still gripping his wand rather tight.

"Some bored low-ranked Death Eater, I assume. Thought you were a squib, but it looks as if you lied to me."

Somehow the last part of Overys sentence indicated that he was deeply flustered by the mere idea of being lied to by someone as unimportant as a bored low-ranked Death Eater. The slightly sardonic smirk on Severus' face broadened.

"Ah, the lying, it's a character flaw. But you were very easy to lie to, probably the worst would-be-spy I've ever encountered. You should really have picked a different trade."

Overy stared at Severus from across the clearing, eyes narrowed, obviously trying to remain as aloof as he had been before. But the first cracks in his arrogant exterior were visible. Then he lifted his wand.

"I will not have a half-wit like you insulting me."

All of a sudden Severus looked positively satisfied with the outcome of their little discussion.

"Finally. Challenge me and we can fight this out, I'm in the mood. Still - "

He sighed and shifted his position again.

"See, you're not just everywhere, and there's a certain protocol I have to keep with. So, if you don't mind - "

He cast a glance around the clearing once, all the while being stared at by Overy who apparently had never before pointed his wand at someone who didn't seem particularly flustered by the whole affair. Then Severus looked at Overy again, and at the same time the clearing was flooded by a field of cold energy. It caressed Remus' skin for a brief second, his body tingling from contact. But it was soft, almost strangely familiar, and Remus realized that Severus had dropped the masking spell concealing his magical powers without bothering to hide the darker side of it. But before Remus could entertain that particular thought further he watched Severus slowly raising his own wand.

"Harold Overy, you've intruded on the grounds of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, without invitation and with malicious intent. As residing Head of the House of Slytherin I order you to either leave immediately or face consequences for your intrusion."

The look on Overy's face was priceless. A mixture of intense surprise and anger flew across his features, distorting them into rage.

"What? You dirty liar, you - "

The remaining insults were drowned out by the first curse he almost immediately threw into Severus' direction, who hardly moved and simply blocked it. Hidden away behind his bush Remus hastily drew up a protecting shield of his own. He was well out of sight, but any fight could leave badly aimed curses flying into the surrounding areas, and he wasn't sure whether Overy had a good aim.

In the meantime the clearing erupted with the pure power of the thrown curses. Overy was a good fighter and as trained auror obviously had faced extensive duelling training, but it quickly became clear that Severus seemed mostly unimpressed by his attacks. But he remained passive, reluctant to attack himself, using simple but powerful deflecting spells that kept the curses well away from their aim.

Watching the potentially deadly theater on the clearing Remus tried to remember when he had seen Severus fight the last time, and came to the conclusion that it must have been sometime in their school years in one of the corridor brawls they had ran into all the time. Possibly Sirius had been the opponent, or James, or all of them together - Remus wasn't sure. It hadn't taken him long after their graduation to understand that the four-against-one-fights they had kept on going all these years hadn't been exactly what a fair battle was supposed to look like. On the other hand they had been on the receiving end of more than one nasty hex or creative curse in these days, too, and even in their younger days Severus had never been one to step down when being challenged to a proper brawl. His pride had ensured that he had never backed down, not once in Remus' memory, and from what he had heard from Andreas Libavius things apparently hadn't changed at all during Severus' days at Oxford. And what had that been about a Duel Team?

But was also obviously that what was happening on the clearing had nothing to do with proper duelling and a lot with street fighting. Overy was throwing an abundance of rather dark and powerful hexes into Severus' direction, who sometimes came up with small spells that made Overy jump and change direction, but generally just kept himself out of the line of attack. The tactic behind the whole scenario dawned on Remus rather quickly. Overy was exhausting himself with the sheer amount of magic needed for his barrage of curses, while Severus made sure that his opponent would keep on moving around, teasing here and there and inciting more rage. It would be only a matter of time until the would-be-spy would run out of energy to supply his curses with the necessary strength, lending a good opportunity to overpower him without any real risk.

So all Severus had to do was to keep Overy moving, and that was exactly what he did. To Remus' disappointment he wasn't showing off, hardly using any spells Remus didn't know, and nothing that belonged into the realm of the Dark Arts. He didn't seem to need his wand to keep most of the shielding spells up, and the small hexes he placed here and there required only minimal wand-waving. There was something lazy about his movements, as if the fight was boring him, and it drove Overy even deeper into his rage. They exchanged some insults here and there, but used nothing that had the capacity to make Remus blush or seemed terribly creative.  
Just when Remus started to wonder when Severus would grow tired of his opponents' anger the fight slowed down. Overy stood on his side of the clearing, slightly out of breath and still growling with anger.

"Nothing but a sad little trickster, are you. But I'm done with being friendly now. I will no longer tolerate the disrespectful behavior of some random Death Eater with delusions of grandeur. This will end here!"

He pointed his wand straight at Severus, seething with rage. Remus suddenly felt the looming danger, hair on his arms rising with the gathering dark magic.

"Now you will learn a lesson! Cru - "

He didn't even manage to finish his spell. The silent curse hit him straight in the chest, and he gasped for breath once more before he tumbled to the ground, a mass of limp body parts. His wand fell into the trampled down grass next to his body.

Annoyed Severus lowered his own wand and shook his head.

"Random Death Eater with delusions of grandeur? Be glad that killing people has gotten terribly difficult these days, really, otherwise -"

He sounded mortally offended, for the first time during the whole fight. Then he walked over to his motionless opponent, stood above him and in a strange movement circled his wand above the body once, murmuring a soft spell that Remus just so managed to understand.

"Silete, silete, silentium habete."

It was more of an incantation than a spell, nothing Remus had ever heard, a strange melody. But at least Overy had been right - it was over. Remus sighed a breath of relief, and dissolved the shielding spell he had kept up during the fight. Severus still stood in the middle of the clearing looking down on the completely motionless Overy who, if Remus guessed correctly, probably was out like a light and would stay that way for a rather long time.

But just as Remus was about to leave his hiding place a sudden stream of light flooded the open space around the two duellists. As quickly as he could Remus retreated back into the safety of the shrubbery and stared at the clearing, adrenaline making his heartbeat loud in his ears. 

"What is happening here?"

As if he had appeared out of thin air Albus Dumbledore stood in the middle of the clearing, his wand pointed straight at Severus. The air was prickling with the amount of power surrounding him, and he didn't look amused at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's notes:**   
>  _Silete, silete, silentium habete - be silent, be silent, and keep the silence!_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **And something completely different:** The very talented PeachTree made some wonderful art to go with "Fire", to be found on Tumblr (http://delusionsofbeingbatman.tumblr.com/post/131716512262/fanart-for-the-wonderful-fire-over-at-ao3-can-be). Catching the perfect moment just after a cauldron exploded in the labs of St. Aurelius it turned out much better than some of my writing. Thanks again, PeachTree! I absolutely appreciate it.


	13. Sometimes the truth is the best way out

"I demand to know how a man half of England is currently looking for ended up unconscious on the ground of my school, and how it is that of all possible people I could find standing over him I happen to find you. What a conincidence."

Albus' voice echoed across the clearing, his anger unmistakable. His wand still pointed straight at Severus he stared at the perfectly still form of Harold Overy. Unwillingly Remus retreated further into the shrubbery. If there was one place in this world he didn't want to be it was at the wrong end of Albus Dumbledore's wand.

"Explain yourself. And I would advise you not to move until my curiosity has been satisfied."

Severus simply and very calmly raised his hands, and his wand flew straight into Albus' outstretched left hand. It was gone from sight so quickly Remus thought there must be a concealing spell at work. 

"As I do not have an impending death wish I shall take your good advice."

A surly look on his face Albus raised an eyebrow. Remus was amazed to see all the lovely quirks the headmaster usually displayed gone from sight, leaving nothing but pure authority and a thinly veiled threat. 

"This is a very bad moment for your wit, Severus."

Severus nodded, his hands still held up, palms turned towards Albus. As he had promised he remained unmoving, apparently being very well aware that Albus' patience was not to be tested. At least not tonight.

"Apologies. You already know that you're looking at Harold Quentin Overy. It seems that he noticed Lupin and me in Diagon Alley, followed us around for a while and used a classified Apparition Pattern Detection spell to read out our route. He suddenly appeared here, I confronted him and things turned into a little duel. He attempted to use a Cruciatus, upon which I decided to end the whole matter quickly to avoid any further unwanted attention."

Albus looked down at Overy.

"How did you block the curse?"

He seemed to be genuinely interested despite his obvious anger.

"A Silete in two different stages, using the full incantation to bind him properly. It's a rather uncommon spell, but not officially registered as forbidden, difficult to trace and read as pattern spell and carries few clues to the magical signature."

Albus looked up again, sudden mistrust in his face.

"Who taught you the Silete? Tom?"

Severus' snort sounded rather undignified. 

"It doesn't kill, hurt or cause irreparable injuries, what makes you believe it would be a good spell for a Death Eater?"

He sounded genuinly offended, for the second time that night, though Remus couldn't decide whether it was his vanity being hurt at Albus' suggestion or something different. 

"It's rare, almost forgotten and originates from difficult dark incantation practises. I don't think there are ten wizards in the whole of Europe currently using it. How should it be that you're one of them if not by the way of Tom?"

Severus seemed to fight the temptation to lower his hands to cross his arms in front of his chest to complete his sulking pose, but remembered instantly where he was and kept them up. He forgot, though, to keep his tongue in check as well.

"Wouldn't life be dull if we didn't get a nice surprise here and there?"

For a second it looked as if Albus would loose the fight against his own willpower and simply knock his spy out right then and there. His eyes narrowed for a second, and Remus could suddenly feel the slightly imbalance in the magical power that still flooded the clearing. Albus didn't move, but Severus suddenly tipped his head to the right, opened his mouth, closed it again and then glowered at Albus.

"I told you it was a very bad time for your wit. Why do you never heed a warning? Your life could be so much easier. You will get your voice back, this time at least, but simply because I do want answers. Short, honest answers. Do not try to talk your way out of this, because if you do I will find ways to ensure that you'll tell me everything. Have I made myself clear?"

There was hardly any doubt that he meant what he said, and Severus nodded slowly, this time defeated.

"Good. Then, tell me, why did Harold Overy choose to follow you?"

For a split second it seemed as if Severus' face would betray something, but he kept his facade up. He cleared his throat to test if his voice had really returned before he answered. He kept his tone carefully neutral, the frustration only visible in his stiff shoulders.

"How delightful I don't have to write my answers down. I used to do minor deals with Overy, but that was before his ministry expulsion and there was no contact afterwards. I would imagine he intended to blackmail me with some piece of knowledge he thought he had."

Slowly Albus' other eyebrow rose.

"And did he have the necessary information for that?"

There was a lot of potential for danger in this question, but Severus only shrugged.

"Of course not. He had no idea, and I fully intend to oblivate him properly later."

Albus pointed towards the body.

"For someone who advocates against the Oblivate at any given moment I'm surprised to hear that. I assume that you actually intended to kill him, but we will speak about that later. Now you will dispose of him. Leave him someplace where they will find him quickly, use a good Oblivate, and put a time-delayed dissolving spell over the Silete. Clean whatever could point into your direction. Do it properly, I will not talk you out of Azkaban for that."

Nodding with a certain air of resignation Severus finally dropped his hands and kneeled next to the body of Overy. He looked up once more, but Albus shock his head.  
"Don't even ask for your wand. You will be able to perform the spells without it, I am sure. And if not now is a splendid moment to work on your focus."

Severus seemed to fight against an impulse to say something, but then simply looked down again, reaching out to touch Overy. But Albus wasn't done.  
"And one last thing, before you leave."

Looking up again Severus looked straight at Albus who stared back, authoritative figure from his stance to his unblinking eyes. It was obvious that he was not in the mood for any kind of negotiations.

"When you come back you will tell me truth."

Severus didn't answer, simply looking down again and touching Overys' shoulder. Then they were both gone. Shaking his head Albus cast a glance around the perimeter of the clearing, finally relaxing and pocketing his wand in his flowing dark blue robes. Remus felt the soft tug of the spell pulling the strong energy back towards Albus, his magic once more safely cloaked in the strong spell keeping it his very own powerful secret. Then he coughed.

"Remus Lupin, get out of that shrubbery."

Flinching in his hiding spot Remus involuntarily drew his head beneath his shoulders. But hiding was utterly pointless, and so he made his way out of the bush and onto the clearing, still holding Severus' cloaks draped over his arm. Carefully wiping any trace of his thought process off his face Remus quickly calculated the best position to take in the upcoming conflict. He didn't come to a proper solution, though, and decided to primarily play for survival.

"Hello Albus."

Trying to smile convincingly Remus crossed the clearing, coming to a standstill next to Albus who simply looked at him with weary eyes. The friendliness on his face didn't seem genuine just yet.

"I'm surprised to find you hiding in a bush, what an unlikely behavior for a Gryffindor. Still, it was smart. What were you two thinking? I'm disappointed. And now tell me, how much truth was in Severus' tale?"

Remus cleared his throat.

"Well, we walked through Knockturn Alley when I thought someone was trailing behind us, but I wasn't really sure. It seems that he followed my apparition track to Hogwarts, because I saw him lunging from the shadows briefly before I disapparated. I've never heard of that spell he used."

Albus nodded slowly.

"I see, though I do wonder what kind of business took both of you to Knockturn Alley, of all places. No, you couldn't have heard of that spell, it's a rather secret thing the ministry keeps under wraps. They use it rarely, it's a bit difficult."

At that very moment Severus reappeared on the clearing, alone this time. Albus immediately turned towards him, and he raised his hands in an almost automatic gesture.  
"Did you do what I told you to?"

Severus rolled his eyes and nodded, apparenly hardly suceeding in biting back a sarcastic remark. 

"Of course."

Albus still didn't look very convinced or satisfied with their current situation, but at least he didn't seem to find it necessary to hold Severus at wand-point any longer.  
"I hope you are telling the truth, for once. And now, if you please - let us move this to my office."

Without waiting for them Albus turned around and led the way through the forest towards the castle. Remus caught Severus' eyes for a short second, but there was nothing in his face as he dropped his hands back to his side that Remus could read. Taking his coats back from Remus he only shrugged, and followed Albus towards the castle. Remus trudged behind them, walking slowly. He wasn't exactly looking forward to their meeting in Albus' office, though his curiosity couldn't be quite silenced. Whatever was bound to happen was going to be interesting, that much was sure.

In silence they marched through the dark woods. Nothing moved as they passed the thick trees, not even any of the small creatures living in the underwood. It seemed as if Albus' enraged presence had scared every living being into seeking cover. Rightly so, Remus mused. He could sympathise.

Not even fifteen minutes later they reached the office of the headmaster, and Remus took a seat in one of the wooden chairs in front of the desk. It felt too much like the few encounters with Albus he had experienced during his school days, usually in the wake of some unfortunate plan that had gone entirely too fast into the wrong direction. Even then Albus knew exactly that Remus was the easiest to talk to in the group, and more than once he had sat under the headmasters' piercing gaze, trying to keep a calm demeanor and waging internal fights not to give away secrets he desperately wanted to keep.

It felt very much the same now. Albus took a seat in his large chair, pulling Severus' wand from the pockets of his robe and carefully placing it on his desk.  
Severus himself didn't seem to find the offer of a chair attractive. He stayed in the open space behind the chairs, placing only his cloak over the back of his own chair, and remaining standing, his arms now firmly crossed in front of his chest. He seemed perfectly at ease, but Remus knew an act when he saw it.  
And Albus wasn't happy with the situation.

"Sit down, please. There is no need for you to stand towering above us like this."

Very slowly Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Is that an order?"

Annoyed Albus waved a hand into Severus' direction, while at the same time shooting an apologetic smile towards Remus.

"Severus."

They looked at each other for a moment, and then Severus gave in. He walked around the chair and dropped into it, crossing his long legs and folding his hands neatly. 

"There, I'm sitting."

Albus' face was that of a disappointed mother dealing with a sulking teenager, which was quite an improvement to his threatening appearance in the forest. The roles, it seemed, were back to their usual assignment: the patient, well-meaning Albus trying to deal with a stubborn Severus - a trope so common even Remus felt it difficult not to fall for it immediately again.

"Really, you're dreadful. Do not turn this into a drama."

The whole person of Severus seemed to silently indicate that indeed it wasn't him who was turning anything into a drama, but he remained mercifully silent. Remus, on the other hand, continued to feel the sinking realisation that the drama had only just begun.

"Good. Now tell me again how you come to know Harold Overy, and how it happened that I do not know about this."

Himself folding his hands Albus leant back in his comfortable chair.

"I already told you - "

But Albus cut him off mid-sentence.

"Oh, but I belive you didn't."

For a moment nobody said anything. Then Severus sighed.

"If you must know. He has been floating around in the unsavoury parts of London for a while. He was bored by his job, and since he's a greedy bastard he started to think of ways to rise to power and wealth through other ways than his ministry position allowed. He tried to strike a deal with Lucius, but for obvious reasons they clashed quickly and Lucius cut him off while forgoing the chance to kill him. So Overy continued his quest, and came to the conclusion that he should make the deal with a greater power than Lucius was. The information he was looking to sell wasn't vital for the ministry, but he had detailed knowledge about security issues and classified spells. His meandering came to my knowledge, and I managed to stumble into his way and convince him that I was interested in what he knew and would at some point bring him to Voldemort's attention. By then even Overy had understood that it is impossible to connect with Voldemort without using a broker, and he fully believed that anyone who did not have Lucius' ego would do the trick."

Albus blinked twice.

"I see. I recall your warnings concerning a few security holes and problematic spells - that came from him? It proved to be true in all instances."

Severus nodded.

"Yes. He wasn't smart, but he had access to a few important documents and he was willing to sell everything he knew. Lately he blew his cover by accident, and I had to cut him off immediately for obvious reasons."

Suddenly Remus realized that he was probably not supposed to know a few things that were being said. Was he supposed to offer to leave? But nobody had indicated anything like that. And it was fascinating to listen to Severus' suddenly calm report and watch Albus who made the necessary connections quickly. He was obviously watching a well-rehearsed situation that had taken place many times before, and would repeat itself with different topics over and over again in the future.  
"You intended to kill him?"

It was an honest question, but Remus was stunned for a moment. Albus didn't seem particularly flustered at making the assumption, and Severus didn't errupt into a flare of temper.

"What makes you believe so?"

Albus smiled. 

"You spent a few nights away in the past weeks, and I know you apparated into London."

Severus affirmed only half of the statement. 

"I have been looking for him, that is true. I also, and let me state that simply to reassure you that I did not go on a murderous rampage for five nights, spent a few of these evenings meeting Libavius to help him figure out a particularly difficult question in his current pet project."

For a brief moment Albus' face lightened up. "Good news, for once. What were you working on?"

"You will see when he registeres it with the guild. Quite a masterpiece, if you ask me."

Albus nodded. "About time. Will you sign as co-author?"

Severus shook his head. 

"No, he only picked my brain in a few instances."

Albus made a handmotion indicating his interest, and then mercilessy returned to their original topic. And as much as Remus wished they could talk about pet projects and alchemy instead of Severus' intentions to kill a man - or not - nobody did him the favour, and Severus continued as calmly as before.

"Killing Overy would have been a safe and logical measure. But it's become difficult to get rid of bodies, and lately Voldemort has been very disapproving of rouge Death Eater activities. I couldn't find a way to ensure Overy's silence without drawing the Dark Lord's attention, at least not yet. An opportunity would have arisen sooner than later, but now it's too late anyway."

Albus nodded his approval.

"I see. You feared Tom's reaction?"

Once more Severus snorted.

"I would prefer to not be interrogated by him anytime soon, yes."

That line of thought seemed to interest Albus. 

"Would he do that himself? I've recently been wondering who is doing his interrogations when he can't use you."

That was a piece of information Remus had not expected to be handed anytime soon, and in such an off-handed fashion. That was what Severus did when he acted as servant to the crazed dark wizard? Remus just managed to suppress a shudder. He could imagine it, easily, Severus using his razor-sharp wit and his voice as a tool to trick panicked prisoners into betraying everything and everyone - but there Remus actively stopped his line of thought. He wouldn't go there. He wasn't ready for this just yet. Albus, completely unfazed, had already continued his very own interview anyway.

"Currently I don't believe he has anyone at hand. He tried to use Bellatrix, but prisoners tended to die in her care quickly and without telling her much - torturing people straight to death isn't quite the ideal way of extracting information, who would imagine."

Remus tried to keep his mind focused on their conversation and not on the images Severus' words invoked. 

"And if he wanted to question you, who'd do that?"

Albus seemed set on uncovering exactly that piece of information. Severus remained leant back, ostensibly more relaxed than Remus wanted him to be.  
"From experience I can say that he would do that himself, for obvious reasons."

Nodding Albus waved a hand in the air and changed the topic.

"Very well. Let's hope for the best here."

He looked at Severus for a few short moments, regarding him with a silent gaze.

"But back to the question at hand. What you said is logical, but still - there is something else, is there not? You are hiding something."

Severus looked as innocent as someone who had just confessed that he was the reigning inquisitor for a crazed brutal tyrant possibly could.

"What makes you think so?"

Albus continued his examination.

"I have a feeling."

For a moment there was silence. Then Albus gestured into Severus' general direction.

"Do me the favor and remove the layers of illusion charms you're using."

Remus followed Albus' gaze, surprised at the turn of events. He had always been aware that Severus used some combination of spells to alter his appearance, at least slightly. Illusion charms weren't too difficult to keep up, even for a prolongued amount of time, and Severus was just the right kind of person who would take advantage of their potential.

"Is that a request or - "

Severus didn't even get to finish his sentence.

"No, it's not."

Now visibly annoyed Severus rolled his eyes, but remained unmoving. For a second nothing happened. Then he suddenly seemed slightly blurry, and Remus blinked in confusion. It was over as quickly as it had happened, the spell dissolved in thin air. On the first glance not much had changed. His face remained mostly the same - prominent jawbone, deep-set eyes, high cheekbones, terribly crooked nose. He looked a bit thinner than before, his features just a bit sharper and more angular, and the dark circles under his eyes proved that he wasn't sleeping half as much as a sane person should. The only real difference was his hair, now slightly longer and decidedly less greasy.

"Are you satisfied?"

And the voice remained unchanged, the deep silky baritone, smooth and well-controlled. 

"You look very tired."

Annoyed Severus shook his head, and brushed a strand of hair away from his face.

"Bless your power of observation. I am tired, Albus, and this interview is not helping it."

Remus would have agreed, but something else had caught his eye. The movement of Severus' right hand had attracted his attention, long fingers tucking a strand of black hair behind an ear. His long hands were unchanged, maybe a bit too thin, bones in the wrists protruding. But that wasn't what had caught Remus' attention.

"What happened to your arms?"

It was the first thing Remus said since they had entered the office, and for a moment it seemed as if both men had simply forgotten his presence and only now remembered that he was there at all. Severus looked down at his bare forearms and shrugged.

"That? Work. I told you - Alchemy can be dangerous."

It sounded very plausible, and it explained the myriad of small scars and burn marks visible all over Severus' forearms. Both were covered in small and long cuts, healed but still visible. On the left forearm, just below the Dark Mark he bore a long and angry red burn mark, possibly inflicted by flying hot metal, looking fresh and painful. Remus remembered the story about Severus' first meeting with Andreas Libavius, and how the bohemian had ended up picking shards out of his new lab partner. It seemed plausible, indeed.

But there were other marks that didn't look like cauldrons had caused them, round burnmarks the perfect size of cigarette buds, and Remus had no idea how a cauldron, even one flying around in hot shards, could cause those. Or the long scar that crossed over the arteries on the right wrist, twice in a perfect cross above the faint lines, that looked like it would have needed stitches and never got them. A cauldron? No. A scalpel wilded with precision? Maybe.

But Severus' attention was fixed on Albus again.

"Are we finished here? As you remarked so nicely, I would like to catch some sleep."

Albus nodded, and smiled.

"Almost, just one more thing."

Severus, already making moves to stand up, leant back into his chair, his face a perfect expression of full-blown annoyance. Albus simply continued.

"Just a small thing. You said you did something like a trade with Overy, yes? He gave you information, you promised to connect him with Tom, though you never went through with it. But your little deal must have lasted a while, as I recall you delivering me information coming from Overy for more than a year now."

Impatient Severus nodded, waving a thin hand in the air in a gesture of dismissal.

"Yes, and?"

Satisfied Albus leant forward, placing his elbows on the table and stapling his fingers.

"Surely he didn't enjoy being kept away from Tom for such a long time, impatient as he was. So, I wonder, what exactly did you give him that distracted him for such a long time from his quest?"

That was the one question Remus had hoped Albus wouldn't ask. But Severus only shrugged.

"This and that. Nothing particular. He mostly wanted to hear what a great man he was."

Albus still smiled at him.

"I don't belive you."

He said it so cheerfully, as if he had just wished them a good morning or a happy easter holiday. Remus tried to still his own rising discomfort. This was decidedly going downhill. Fast.

"Then don't. Why are you so interested in that particular detail?"

The smile on Albus' face, so mild and friendly, intensified.

"Ah, you see, it's curiosity, plain and boring. I also wish to understand the ways you operate, considering that you carry highly sensitive information. I'd rather not risk that, but you surely understand that."

There was a hint of anger visible on Severus' face as he lifted his chin just a bit, a shadow of the anger he had displayed during the conversation in the library Remus had accidentally eavesdropped on. 

"Are you implying that my actions are endangering the Order? I think I have heard that before quite recently from you."

The sudden harshness betrayed how enraged the mere idea made him. Albus was still smiling, and Remus reminded himself once more that the beloved headmaster wasn't the senile old man he pretended to be most of the times, but in fact a rather ruthless and sometimes brutal tactician. This was war, after all.

"I am hoping that you're about to tell me something that will make sure that I don't have to think that."

Severus, apparently very much used to this side of Albus, shook his head.

"Be assured that the Order was never endangered. My dealings with Overy were of a most private nature, and I wish to keep them that way."

Albus nodded.

"I understand. And yet Remus Lupin knows exactly what we are talking about. It cannot be that private, then."

Remus felt like a rabbit suddenly caught in the headlights of an approaching lorry. He sat up a bit straighter, trying his best to keep his facial expression as innocent as possible.

"I'm not sure I do even being to grasp what you are talking about."

There. Now a trustful smile, a puppy like glance, and everything would be fine. And it was. Albus blue eyes smiled back at him, unblinking, brilliant in their brightness, and the soft tapping against Remus' forehead didn't even annoy him that much. It was nothing but a small tickle, prickling against the skin on his face. He almost giggled at the sensation, his smile broadening. He felt the warmth spread through his body, and suddenly had the intense feeling of being opened, slowly, like a book about to be read. 

But then there was the thick velvet blanket again, the heavy texture of the spell shutting out the soft tingle, cutting off the eye contact he had held with Albus. Confused Remus blinked at the sheer intensity at the blocking spell, shaking his head, and immediately glaring at Albus. How had they gone from friendly conversation and tactical banter to invasive magic that quickly? And why was it him, all over again? And twice on the same day? 

"Stop that. Now."

Severus stared at Albus, his arms crossed in front of his chest, open disdain in his voice. Albus was still smiling innocently, as if he hadn't just tried to used a legilimency spell to gain access into Remus' mind.

"Then I guess you will have to tell me yourself."

Remus was very much convinced that he had never been used as a token for blackmail before, and he was speechless when he suddenly understood the rather crude tactic. He felt dizzy in the heavy silence, unsure if the strange disorder in his mind was caused be the Legilimency or the strong blocking spell. Both left him feeling queasy, his skin still tingling from the contact.

When Severus finally spoke there was not a single hint towards any emotion beyond malice in his voice. 

"Laudabiliter se subiecit. You do enjoy this a lot more than I thought you would. And are you sure you want to know?"

Albus raised an eyebrow, his bright and dangerous smile never faltering. 

"Oh, I very certainly am."

Shrugging Severus returned his hands into his lap, neatly folded. The sardonic grin was back on his face, tugging at the corner of his thin lips. It took the combination of the silken danger in his voice and Albus' saccharine smile for Remus to realise that he had walked into the midst of something slightly more dangerous than he had expected. 

"Knowledge can be, ah, uncomfortable."

Albus continued to smile. It was obvious that he was not going to change his mind right now. 

"Fine, if you demand it."

Remus watched Albus very slightly leaning forward, by milimeters only, if pulled by the invisible string of the promise to hear what he wanted to know. It was much less a conversation than an exchange of blows, and judging from Severus' body language he had decided that he could make it worthwhile. If Albus wanted the truth he would have it.

"Submission, Albus. Overy craved power, over something or someone. It shouldn't be that much of a surprise to you."

Albus blinked. 

"What do you mean by that, pray tell?"

Still keeping his hands folded in his lap Severus looked slightly too innocent. 

"You see, some individuals gain great satisfaction from having others at their very beg and call. Dominance, or so they say, is a character trait or flaw, depending on your view, and can be satisfied by various means." 

The layers in Severus' answer were manifold, and Remus didn't dare to follow any of them through. He simply clung to the hope that the situation wouldn't escalate any further. Or that Severus wouldn't start to enjoy the game even more than he obviously already did. 

"I see. And in your case dominance over someone means - "

Albus' stopped in the middle of the sentence, and Remus could see that his thought process had arrived at a conclusion he decidedly did not like. 

"You didn't."

There was something almost cruel in the enjoyment in Severus' face. 

"You will have to elaborate further. I didn't - what?"

The smile from Albus' face was gone. 

"No, you will have to explain, or otherwise I might come to the conclusion that you actually mean some form of twisted sexual submission."

It was obvious now that Albus wanted to hear that he was not right, that there was a different answer Severus had hinted at. But there was no way Severus was going to do him that particular favour right now. 

"Don't you think twisted is a bit too harsh?"

But Albus didn't answer, not for a few long minutes. If shock was what Severus had aimed for he had accomplished his goal, that much was obvious.

"So are you satisfied now?"

The sweetness in his voice was laced with acid, but Albus still couldn't answer. For a long time he simply stared at Severus, and very, very slowly his mask of calm superiority seemed to slip out of its secure place, revealing slight cracks underneath. He unclasped his fingers, and finally sank back in his chair.

"And you knew that?"

He looked straight at Remus, but his gaze was without any hidden traces of magic. He simply wanted to know, and Remus had to nod.

"I did. I saw something when we were at the Opium den, and put the pieces together."

And there went his blackmail potential. Bloody hell. But then it had probably been bound to happen. Albus turned to Severus again.

"I see. That doesn't mean I understand. How long have you been doing that - that kind of - trade."

There were words Albus didn't want to say, and Remus fully understood what he meant. To his relief Severus seemed to understand, too, and decided to refrain from further cruelty for now.

"I always told you I was doing trade, if you care to remember. And I always requested privacy about it. Now you do know why."

Stunned Albus leant foward again. 

"Are you telling me this is not any isolated incident? That you're - " 

He seemed to loose his usual firm grasp on his eloquence, and for the first time that evening Remus felt pity for him. 

"If you think I spent my nights leaning against streetlights like a sad hooker - "

The image was so ridiculous that Remus couldn't help snorting. Calmly Severus continued.

" - apparently even Lupin finds that amusing. No, this isn't an isolated incident, as you call it. Sex is a commodity, it can be used for trade, and it was an easy thing when I was younger. Not in the past years, for obvious reasons - I was amused when I realized what Overy wanted. It made him very vulnerable, much more than he anticipated. That deal is as old as mankind, I've never found it to be particulary condemnable. But then my morals have been questioned before."

Albus noded and then shook his head, confusion blatantly obvious.

"You never told me. Which doesn't surprise me."

Severus' face was almost mild. 

"Of course not. You wouldn't have been pleased, you would not have understood."

Remus wasn't sure he would understand now. But then he himself didn't really understand. He had pushed that particular piece of knowledge far to the back of his mind, had decided to almost forget about that part of information he had. 

"Yes, and no, I didn't - how can you do this?"

Shaking his head Severus passed a hand over his face, rubbing his eyes for a moment.

"Am I not doing a lot of things you do not understand? I can, as I said. That has to be enough for you."

The tiredness had returned to his voice, now far more real. It wasn't late, not yet, but their day had been long. Diagon Alley, though, seemed far away. For a brief moment Remus wondered what exactly Severus had done with Overy, where he had deposited the man, if he had been found by now, or if Severus had taken the chance and killed him. But he didn't have the time to pursue that thought further.

Albus looked at the table in front of him for a moment. Then he nodded, very slowly, and looked up again.

"I need to think about this. Please leave now."

For a brief moment Severus closed his eyes in silent defeat. Then he nodded, and stood up.

"As you wish."

He turned away from the desk, picked up his cloak from the chair and called for his wand with an outstretched hand. With all his possessions in his hands he walked towards the door, and only turned around one more time in the door frame.

"There is always a system of logic behind my actions, Albus. Remember that."

Albus simply nodded once more without looking at Severus. The silence in the room was heavy, and thick. Then Remus head Severus' soft footsteps leaving the office. The door closed softly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laudabiliter se subiecit - Laudably he surrendered. Unknown origins, probably coming from ecclesiastical lawsuits. Generally found there to mark the end of the trial with the accussed submitting to the judgement.


	14. Tell me what you came for

For a brief moment they sat in silence. Remus was still sorting through the conversation in all its twists and turns while at the same time trying to come up with an excuse to make an escape himself. But he didn't get that far.

With a soft sigh Albus settled deeper into his chair and regarded Remus with a solemn glance.

"You must think me a special kind of evil tonight, Remus."

His voice was soft, very close to the tones Remus knew so well and would probably never trust again. Quickly he considered his options.

"I have to admit that I'm a bit surprised how everything turned out."

Nodding Albus combed a hand through his long beard, in the same absentminded fashion Remus often watched his female students twirl their hair between their fingers during exams while thinking hard to remember the correct answer.

"So am I, to be honest. You have probably not been aware of the very, ah, how to put it - special kind of relationship I have with Severus."

Remus nodded in silence. He had seen more of the strange bond between both men than ever before in the past days, but that didn't mean he had any idea what was actually going on between both. Albus was the one Severus claimed to work for, that much was sure, and even though it was obvious that Albus hadn't known everything there seemed to be a foundation of mutual trust their communication was build on. And for obvious reasons - after all it was Albus and nobody else who guaranteed Severus' safety among the Order and concerning the Ministry, who both probably would have preferred to see Severus in chains and thrown into the deepest pits of Azkaban, never to cause trouble again.

"Hardly anybody does, and it's for the best. Too much depends on it. You see, the Order does know that Severus is our hidden presence in Tom Riddles' inner circle. But what they do not know, and do not need to know, is that he is doing far more than that by using his extensive network to pick up information the Order needs to know, wading through the pieces of knowledge he obtains and deciding on their importance. It's a vital thing for our tactic and strategy, and he is absolutely irreplaceable in that capacity. We need someone who can understand how our enemies operate, how they organise their structures, whom they are going to target."

Still nodding to encourage Albus' explanation Remus leant back in his chair and listened, connecting what he heard to what he had seen himself while the headmaster continued.

"But that of course doesn't come without its dangers. Severus' network didn't come out of nowhere. He spent much time navigating what he calls unsavoury areas long before I picked him up and integrated him into the Order. He remains highly secretive, which is difficult at times - a sort of a wildcard. I needed a long time to understand his behavioral patterns, even thought I knew a lot about him from the very beginning. I still do not claim to understand every aspect of his character."

Now it was Remus' turn to stop nodding.

"Behavioural patterns?"

He wasn't sure if that was a phrase he had ever used in relation to one of his colleagues or friends. On the other hand he wasn't the head of an underground league created to defend a country against a crazed dark wizard. 

"Oh, yes. Everyone of us has certain habits and character traits. Severus is very good at hiding these things, but I've spent so much time with him. He's highly protective of those around him, for example, something you'll probably believe after this incident."

Once more Albus smiled, but this time it was a soft smile, lacking brilliance and brightness, but visibly more honest. Remus tried his best to not look sceptical while thinking Albus' argument through. When he had decided to blackmail Severus he hadn't calculated the fact that it would work out due to a protective streak - it had seemed far more likely that Severus wanted to keep his privacy. But before Remus could follow that line of thought further Albus changed the topic.

"Remus, I'm also terribly sorry for knocking on your mind like that. In truth, it was nothing more than a bad move to encourage Severus to talk to me, as he so rightly guessed."

Still trapped in his line of reasoning Remus just nodded again, and answered far more mildly than he actually wanted to, regretting immediately that he missed the opportunity to properly complain.

"Well, I'm still dizzy. I would appreciate not having to be used like that anytime again soon."

At least Albus had the decency of looking remorseful. His hands were still busy with his beard, creating complicated braided patterns.

"Legilimency is a beautiful thing, but it can be very confusing. I will do my best and not subject you to it anytime soon, as long as it's not necessary."

Noting the limitation of Albus's promise Remus looked as stern as he could. Hell, what did all these damn wizards think, trampling around people's brains like it was an open day?

"You better, or I have to learn Occlumency. I should ask Severus, I gather he's rather good at it."

The lines in Albus' faces smoothed out and he grinned with the sudden pride of someone who taught a student well and saw him or her ace a difficult exam conducted by a rival.

"Frightfully so. He learned at the speed of light, and ever since has had a field day leading Tom in circles around himself. Too smug about it, but what can I do."

Remus could hardly imagine anybody having a field day while he-who-was-an-asshole was creeping around their minds, but then Severus had always had a rather masochist streak and maybe really enjoyed leading the dark wizard on. It was probably preferable to being tortured, at the very least.

Nodding once more Remus got up, sensing a good moment to make an escape.

"It's been a long day for all of us, I'd better leave. If you have no more questions for me?"

Pushing himself upwards in his chair again Albus shook his head, finally letting go of his beard.

"You are right, it's getting late. I'll call on you later if I have more questions, if you'd be fine with that?"

Remus smiled in agreement, and pushed his now empty chair back into the position it usually rested on. He nodded once more, and turned to finally leave the room. But he wasn't halfway to the door when Albus called him back.

"One final thing, Remus. Just - "

Turning around he looked at Albus, who was still sitting behind his desk, once again his elbows on the table and his fingers stapled. The look on his face was honest, but stern.

"You've spent a lot of time with Severus lately. I absolutely encourage that, of course. But a short warning, just a little something you should think about - "

Albus stopped for a moment. Remus avoided looking at him too directly, focusing on the long beard and the unusual patterns Albus' fingers had worked into it. Just to be safe.

" - just something you should remember. Severus is on our side, there can be no doubt, but even with all of that he remains a dangerous man. Very dangerous."

Speechless Remus stood in the middle of the room for a moment, thinking of an appropriate answer. Then he just shrugged, and smiled.

"I would know a thing or two about danger, Albus. But thanks for your warning."

Nodding one last time Remus turned around and left the office as quickly as he could without making it look like he was running. Only when the heavy door closed behind him he allowed himself to take the stairs two at a time. But he couldn't really relax before he reached the corridor. Calming his confused mind he wandered down the empty way. It was fully dark outside now, and the dancing light of the torches painted moving shadows on the stone floor and walls. A short glance at a clock he passed by told him that it was almost midnight.

Stopping at a window for a brief moment Remus opened it and inhaled the balmy night air. It had been a long day, that much was for sure. Exhaling deeply he found the sudden impulse to leave the castle and walk on the dark grounds alone, to savour the beautiful starry sky he saw out of the window and to, primarily, reorder his still frayed thoughts. Legilimency was nothing he would ever come appreciate, that much was sure.

Minutes later he was out of the castle and on the grounds. The night was dark, moonless and without clouds. The soft air moved the flags on the turrets, and the silence on the ground was only broken by the grass rustling under his feet and the calls of the birds in the forest in the distance. He walked, slowly relaxing, mentally reaching into his frayed thoughts and moving them around. But they seemed to slip through his fingers, the conversation in Albus' office already blurry. If that was what an attempt to break into a mind did he didn't want to know what happened if someone really broke into it, tearing down any defences, carding through one's deepest thoughts and feelings without regard to their order and sanctity. He shuddered at the mere idea of the chaos left behind such an attack, frustrated by his failed attempts to still the endless spinning of his thoughts.

Circling the castle once Remus looked up. His glance slid over the dark stones, familiar shapes of turrets and bays soothing the mental dizziness. Most of the windows were dark now, with a light only here and there. One, in particular, caught Remus' eye quickly. In Serpens' tower, slightly tucked away behind Ravenclaw tower but still visible from his point of view a series of three windows was brightly lit against the dark sky. No curtains in the windows, and exactly where Remus knew the laboratory to be. 

He had nothing to do there, that was obvious, no excuse to go there, no question to ask beyond the obvious ones. Shaking his head he continued his walk, slowly into the direction of the orchard where he had nothing to do either. 

Five minutes later he stood on front of the door and told himself that all he wanted was to ask Severus for a spell to stop his mind from spinning around itself. He knocked and then pushed away the urge to turn around and march away. But the door swung open, slowly, like it always had, and light flooded the corridor's darkness. 

The lab was still as pristine as it had been when Remus had left it for the last time. Severus had apparently only returned to stow away his purchases, sitting at his makeshift desk with the leather pouch Remus had caught a glimpse of in the hidden trading place hours before. In front of him lay the large book where he kept an immaculate record of his stocks, and a small scale next to it indicated that he had been double-checking some weight issues. The vials and smaller pouches sat neatly arranged. He hadn't slipped his cloak and waistcoat back on, leaving it draped over one of the empty work benches. On the far side of the room all windows were opened, allowing the warm night air into the room, with only the faint remains of cigarette smoke indicating that they hadn't been opened for that purpose only. 

Severus didn't seem surprised to find Remus in front of the door. After glancing at him for a short moment he turned back to his inventory book and made a note next to a column with his pencil. 

"And what do you want?"

He didn't sound particular offended, at least, and Remus took it as an invitation. 

"Well, I mostly wanted to say that I'm sorry the evening turned into this strange chain of events. But also to ask you for a particular spell."

Severus looked up from his book. 

"A spell? Pray tell, be a bit more specific."

Walking into the lab, now fairly sure he wouldn't find himself hexed straight back into the corridor Remus leant against one of the benches, for once enjoying the fact that he could look down at Severus. 

"With pleasure. Two people knocked on the doors of my mind, so to say, you did that spell with your voice in my head and now I feel like my brain has been scattered around. I need to sort this out before I develop an unneeded hatred against Legilimency. Thought you were the right person to turn to in that case."

Placing his pencil down on the table next to his book Severus leant back in his chair. 

"The spell I used had nothing to do with Legilimency, as I told you. What exactly do you want to know?"

Remus raised his hand and tapped once against his temple. "It feels as if my mind were a box of china and someone had tipped it over. How do I get that chaos sorted out?"

"Not with a simple spell. Legilimency, or rather Occlumency takes a long time to learn, it won't happen overnight. Just like wandless magic."

Ignoring the hint towards his not yet fully developed ability Remus pressed on. "Of course, I'm aware of that. And there isn't some shortcut spell you could teach me, or use, or anything?"

It was obvious that Severus had finally gotten the point of Remus' question. "No. There are no shortcuts for anything, wouldn't you believe it. And I won't sort your mind out for you, you have to do it yourself. Try meditating, for example."

He picked up the pencil again and looked down on the his book, adding an unspoken 'this conversation is over' to his sentence. 

"Meditating? Are you serious?"

Now slightly annoyed Severus looked up again. "Of course I am. How do you think sorting a mind out works?"

Enjoy the more lively direction their conversation was taking Remus decided to take the piss a bit longer. "So you sit on the ground, cross your legs and hum something?" He hopped on the work bench, pulled his legs up into the formally acknowledged meditating yogi-pose, placed his hands on his knees and started to hum a string of deep-throated vowels with his eyes closed. When he opened them again Severus stared at him, visibly taken by surprise, doing his best to contain rising anger. 

"Get off that table, and do it immediately." 

His voice was carefully restrained, but Remus knew danger when he saw it and followed the orders at once. 

"Alright, I know, your lab your rules. But do you really meditate?"

The look on Severus' face oscillated between utter horror and deep depression about his own fate that had brought him into this room and in Remus' unfortunate company, a look certain students knew all too well. Finally he stood up, chair legs scraping loudly over the stone floor, and marched over to the row of open windows. Remus hadn't seen the pack of cigarettes balanced on the window sill of the far right window next to the wall, and it was gone from sight again quickly after Severus had plucked a cigarette from it and lit it with a pronounced snap of his fingers. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, making sure that the smoke went right thought the open window and not into the room, he seemed to do his best to remain calm. He needed half a cigarette before he seemed to be in control of his impulse to strangle Remus on the very spot. Finally he sighed, leant against the wall right next to the window-frame, his left hand with the cigarette still on the outside. 

"Was that an honest question or have you made annoying me your current mission?"

With the distinct feeling that the danger had passed Remus walked over to the windows and leant against the sill of the window in the middle, with enough distance between him and Severus to make sure that - what? He wasn't sure. 

"Well, I have to admit that sometimes teasing you a bit is great fun, but I've known that since our school days. No, this time it was an honest question. I hadn't known."

Shaking ash off the tip of his cigarette Severus shrugged. "It is a very useful habit, especially when practising Occlumency or using high-impact spells that require a lot of magic."

Not for the first time that evening he sounded genuinely tired.

"I see. You have to teach me one time, especially if it helps me to sort through my mind."

The small smile on Severus' face seemed strangely honest. "Don't try blackmailing me again, please."

Pulling a face Remus tried to look as sheepishly as he could, to his greatest surprise earning a soft laugh from Severus, his voice rougher than usual from the cigarette smoke. Remus felt himself shiver involuntarily and didn't answer immediately.

"You liked that thought, didn't you."

Remus couldn't hide the grin.

"Of course."

Nodding slowly Severus tapped his cigarette against the stones outside the window again, watching the burnt silver speckles fly away and vanish in the darkness outside.

"The brave and loyal Gryffindors, and then that. Minvera would be so disappointed."

In mock defence Remus spread his hands before him.

"We have dark sides, too, really." Then he put more seriousness into his voice. "Will you continue to work with me on the Wolfsbane, even when I can't really pretend to force you any longer?"

For a moment Severus said nothing, only raising the cigarette to his lips once more. As he exhaled he leant a bit forward, out of the window and a smoke ring slowly rose towards the sky and vanished.

"Yes. Your work was satisfactory so far and - " He stopped in the middle of his sentence, and Remus noticed how he examined the now dead cigarette bud in his hands. Then he sighed.

"Well. If you want to learn how to brew Wolfsbane, you have to do it soon. Did you store the formula somewhere safe, as I told you?"

There was something new in his voice now, something very sober and strangely urgent. Remus nodded.

"Yes, it's safe."

Looking more tired by the minute Severus nodded.

"Good, very good. Keep it safe. It will be of value for you. If - " He stopped again, for a brief second visibly considering if he really wanted to continue his sentence. Then he shrugged, as if to himself.

"- if this is over sooner than I thought it would be, and that's very likely, you'll need it. Take it to Libavius, he can help you. There are also three notebooks stored in my study, chronicling the development, testing stages and the final formula in depth. You should take them. I have to remember to change my will accordingly. Since the potion is technically my property now it should very well be yours after my death."

Placing the now cold cigarette bud on the small stone ledge outside the window next to a few that were already there he didn't look at Remus. 

"You've been planning for your death for a while now." Carefully trying to keep his voice neutral, to not let his worry creep into it Remus dared to step forward into territory he knew was rich with landmines and rejection. 

Picking the almost empty pack of cigarettes from the window sill and extracting a new one Severus shrugged. "Yes. You know that already."

Venturing deeper Remus pushed on, watching the long fingers handling the cigarette with practised ease. 

"And don't you think there would be something we could do to prevent that?"

Lightning the cigarette with his usual snap Severus took the first drag. He placed his elbows on the window sill, returning the package carelessly next to the wall and halfway leaning out of the window so the smoke wouldn't float too much into the lab. He brushed the old ash from the stone sill outside the window, and left his hands dangling over the edge, strangely relaxed.

"No."

Remus steadied his hip against the stone sill and tried his best to not allow his frustration to seep through. "But how can you be sure?" He stared at Severus' shoulders, bony underneath the white shirt. Severus only slightly turned his head. 

"If you must know."

The cigarette still between the fingers of his left hand he lifted his right hand, holding it slightly in Remus' general direction. Unsure of what was about to happen Remus stared out of the opened window, leaning forward. The light from the room cast a warm glow into the warm night. There was nothing particularly unusual about the body part Severus presented him with. He hadn't pulled up the spell masking his appearance again, and Remus saw the myriad of burn marks and scars on his forearm, the large and ugly scar like a bracelet, bones sticking out at the wrist. Leaning further out of the window and without thinking Remus reached out and took the offered hand, finally comprehending that maybe that had been the point of the invitation the whole time. 

He felt the change more than he actually saw it. Suddenly there was the slight tremble again, the same he had felt before, in the corridor, what now seemed a very long time ago. The endless involuntary rhythm tapped against his own skin was even more disturbing than the other subtle signs that Severus might have been right. Against Remus' skin his hand was cold, skin like parchment, dry, rough and scarred. Long fingers thin like branches, skin drawn over bones, as if they could snap at any give moment without force being necessary at all. It didn't take Remus long to put the pieces together. Slowly Severus drew back his hand, leaving only empty night air in Remus' palms.

"You might cede that I do have a point." 

Remus needed all of his willpower to not smack Severus right over the head for the smug tone. Being right was the bastard's favourite pastime, everybody knew that, but maybe that wasn't the absolute perfect moment to be right. Or maybe it was. What could be sweeter than predicting one's own death? 

"How do you hide it? I thought you had taken off the illusion charm in Albus' office."

The grin on Severus' face was positively condescending. He took another deep drag and exhaled another smoke ring that vanished into the dark.

"One of many. It's not a spell, in any case. I came up with something a bit more creative."

As answer Remus rolled his eyes and allowed his anger to slowly seep into his voice.

"You're a twat, that's all. Why don't you let us help you?"

In a careless gesture Severus threw the remaining cigarette over the railing and watched it vanish in the dark. Then he spread his hands out on the warm stone and looked at them. Whatever spell or charm he used was back in place, his hands looking perfectly normal.

"Because you can't. Cruciatus damage cannot be cured, and you can consider me an expert on that. I'm no medi-wizard, but I believe I've read everything in existence. I could write a book. If I had time, that is."

He looked down at his hands for a moment longer, his face a perfectly composed mask of calm. Then he pushed himself off his half-leaning position, standing up straight and looking at Remus.

"But what does it matter? You have better things to do. Prepare for the upcoming war, for example."

He shook his head, obviously in his mind continuing his thoughts, but not voicing them anymore. "But you will not listen. In any case, yes, I will probably continue to work with you on the Wolfsbane." He reached out of the window again, took the cigarette pack and turned to leisurely walk through the laboratory. Remus stared at his back and wondered how it was possible that the mood of their conversations changed so quickly he could hardly keep track. 

"I'm glad - probably?"

Placing the package down on his desk Severus turned around again, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Something shifted in his face, a strange amusement now in his features. Remus felt the danger looming in the background and straightened his back to prepare. 

"I wonder what exactly the reason for your sudden interest in Wolfsbane is. It's very unusual to see someone like you suddenly developing an obsession with hideously complicated potions and high-level Alchemy."

Remus' senses picked up on the impending danger within seconds. It was something in Severus' voice, something in the way it had suddenly dropped just a little bit, and in his whole slightly amused stance. Again he reminded Remus of a cat playing with it's dinner, watching it struggle before the inevitable kill. And Remus didn't like being made to feel like a squealing rodent.

"But I told you before, didn't I? You know how important the potion for me is. It gives me the chance to teach here, to work for the order, amongst other things. I'm not sure why it should surprise you that I want to know how to make the one thing my life depends on. Wouldn't you like to be the master of your fate, too?"

From experience Remus knew that it was smart to keep a most innocent face when he said impossible things, and this case was no exception. 

Severus stayed silent for a moment. Then he hummed something under his breath, and moved slowly towards the windows again, not once breaking eye-contact with Remus. 

"Wouldn't we all like to be our own masters. What a perfect logic, indeed."

There it was again, that deep, dark drawl, soft velvet on Remus' senses. He suddenly had a lot of spit in his mouth and tried to gulp it down without drawing attention to his nervousness. He nodded, trying to look as unmoved and calm as he had felt, well, probably four weeks ago. 

Then Severus was suddenly very much next to Remus, and very much in his personal space. His voice was in Remus' ear, a warm whisper.

"But that is not the truth."

Remus suddenly had the feeling that his heartbeat couldn't speed up any further. And he was damn sure that Severus had noticed it, too.

Then he was gone again, as quickly as he had appeared in Remus' private space, leaving nothing but the shadow of his body. Casually he retreated to the wall next to window he had been leaning out of moments ago, and draped himself against it. Arms still crossed in front of his chest he kept the slight amusement in his face, together with a hint of something else Remus wasn't sure he was supposed to think about for longer. Not if he cared for his cardiovascular health, in any case. 

But what did it help? He had been found out. Bloody hell. Had he been that obvious? But then, really, what had he been expecting? Severus wasn't quite a naive girl who wouldn't see a plan when there was one. What now?

Confused he tried to control his breathing first. Then his heartbeat. Had these robes been always been that bloody tight? And there was Severus leaning against the wall, calm as a bloody damn spring morning, waiting for Remus' move. Or panic.

Why could nothing ever be easy in Remus' life?

He took a deep breath. Good. Logic, right? Logic. There wasn't much chance that he could deny anything now. So what was a werewolf to do? Make a move. Easy.

Praying to whatever saint was the right one in this current decidedly unpious situation Remus pushed himself off the window sill and crossed the distance between the man leaning casually against the wall. 

Without further proclamation Remus moved closer, decidedly closer than he had ever been to Severus while the man was fully capable of fighting back. But he didn't seem particularly fazed.

"Are we getting closer to the truth?"

The man purred like a goddamn cat, which turned out to be an excellent use for the dark voice. For a brief moment Remus considered whether he shouldn't simply punch Severus' straight into the face, a desire he had felt plenty of times before, and that ever since the night at the Opium den had been fitted with an added 'or kiss the smug grin away'. Now Remus knew what he wanted to do. He smiled sweetly, slowly closing the distance between them, now being solidly in Severus' private space. He felt incredibly bold, for a brief second.

"Have you ever considered that I like hideously complicated things?"

Then he reached out, and without any warning got hold of Severus' left hand. In a quick and strong movement he turned it upwards, effectively pinning Severus against the hard stone wall. Not without satisfaction he noticed the impact of flesh and bone on the wall, a dull thud in the silence. Severus didn't wince, and he wasn't particularly surprised, but Remus didn't take the time to contemplate that. Instead he pressed himself against Severus' body, wrapped his still free hand around his neck and pulled him closer. And then he simply kissed him.

It was a short kiss, without depth. But it was enough to prove to Remus that he wanted more, and Severus reacted in just the right way to ensure Remus that his sudden assault hadn't been entirely unwanted. Their bodies firmly pressed against another Remus felt the vertebrae in Severus' neck under his fingers, and the outermost corner of his jawbone against his fingertips. He tasted cold cigarette smoke, a hint of the alcohol they had consumed in that dreadful pub and, strangely enough, Earl Grey tea.

Within seconds Remus realized that he was physically much stronger than the taller man. But he was under no illusions - he had seen enough of Severus' magic to know precisely well that he'd be dead if he harmed Severus unwanted. He even felt the magic, underneath his fingertips as his left hand grasped the thin wrist firmly, still pressing him against the stone wall. It felt so good to finally lay hands on the body he had watched the past weeks, to finally feel what was hidden underneath the layers of fabric, be it cloak or lab coat.

Then he realized that Severus would probably still need air to breathe, and released him. For a second he looked for emotions in the dark eyes he had never seen so close, expecting everything from disgust to desire. To his surprise Severus only blinked slowly, his eyes perfectly vacant.

"Interesting, indeed."

His voice was barely a whisper, in the exact tone that once before had driven Remus nearly mad, back in the opium den - a husky drawl, pitched somewhere in the very bottom of the range the dark baritone could reach.

Shaking his head Remus slightly eased the grip around Severus' left hand, without yet letting go. He tried to still his racing heartbeat or at least sound more confident then he felt.

"You're a bloody bastard."

The insult gained him a thin-lipped smile and a raised eyebrow, a familiar gesture that looked strange seen so close.

"Yes."

Remus growled, deep in his throat, and considered trying for another kiss - Severus hadn't complained, after all. But before he could deepen his explorations or suggest them taking this somewhere else something shifted. A fraction of a second before he felt Severus silently wince in his grasp he smelled burnt flesh. As if it was on fire he ceased his hold of Severus' left hand and inched back. There was nothing visible on Severus' face, and he didn't move.

"I seem to be a most wanted man tonight."

The dark drawl remained, but there was a silent hint of something else in his voice. Tiredness, maybe. Or simple resignation. Remus cleared his throat.

"I guess you are, yes."

Not yet wanting to let go of the moment he only slowly stepped back. But in the same moment Severus nodded silently, and pushed himself off the wall. Within seconds his whole demeanour changed. He touched his collar as if ensuring that his clothing was still in perfect order. Remus, in the meantime, didn't really know where he should put his hands and simply stuffed them into his the pockets of his robes, suddenly feeling incredibly awkward and about fifteen years old.

"So, hum, you'll go?"

Severus crossed through the laboratory towards the table he had draped his cloaks over. Picking them up he smoothed the fabric of his cloak in a movement that looked too habitual to actually mean something.

"What do you think?"

Whatever tempting had been in his voice was gone, replaced by cool matter-of-fact-thinking and a hint of annoyance. Remus knew precisely well why, but still - it felt strange. Hadn't they been pressed against a wall kissing just seconds ago? Damn that bloody dark wizard and his timing.

Before he sorted through with these thoughts Severus seemed to check the contents of his cloak pockets. His left hand brought the blue plastic lighter to view, and he cursed silently under his breath.

Remus stared. "What?"

Looking up Severus shook his head.

"I forgot - nevermind. You might need to function as a messenger to Albus for me."

Now confused Remus stared at him. But Severus sighed, placed the blue plastic lighter on the palm of his right hand and waited for a second. Remus looked at the muggle artefact without really seeing why.

But his confusion was cleared seconds later. The blue lighter lay still for a short moment, and then transformed into a parchment roll. Remus blinked and cursed himself for not picking up on that earlier. Obviously there had been a reason for their pub visit, and it couldn't possible have had anything to do with the horrible alcohol. Severus quickly broke the seal, and skimmed over the few sentences written on the small parchment.

"Does your brain still retain at least some basic function?"

Slightly offended Remus thought of an appropriate retort that would still enable him to test Severus' tolerance for physical proximity further soon, but then simply nodded. Better not risk anything.

"Good. Go back to Albus and tell him the Burkes should think about their security. And maybe hide their children somewhere for a while. France, perhaps. Got that?"

Remus nodded once more, and then watched how Severus pealed the remains of the seal off the parchment roll, rolled it to a small ball between the fingers of his left hand and pressed it flat against the once more rolled-up parchment. He held the wax between his thumb and index finger of his left hand, and for a very brief second closed his eyes. Remus thought that the scent of burnt flesh intensified, and then the seal was back to its untouched state.

Surprised Remus stared at him, but Severus shock his head and the parchment vanished into his cloak again.

"Later. Go and tell Albus. The information isn't in anyone's hands yet, and I don't see myself hurrying along. There is still time. I should have thought about it earlier."

He was angry at himself for the slip, Remus noticed. He couldn't blame him. The information Severus carried was probably often time-sensitive, and he couldn't really afford mistakes.

"I will go immediately, don't worry."

Nodding Severus turned on his heels and was through the door before Remus could say anything else. Remus heard his quick steps on the stairs downwards, not yet a run, but a purposeful quick movement. There was no time to lose, and Remus quickly reminded himself that the same was valid for himself. He pushed the confusion in his mind as far away as he could, smoothed over his robes once more and left the laboratory. The door closed behind him with the usual firmness and locked itself.

He found Albus still awake, light pouring from under the door in his office. His knock was answered quickly, and Remus found the headmaster in front of his pensieve. But he was only staring down at the swirling thoughts, not immersed into them. Quickly Remus delivered what he had been ordered to say, and Albus reacted with well-practised ease. He thanked Remus, waved him away and already was halfway to the fireplace when Remus closed the door behind him.

Now even more confused then after the first time he had left Albus' office Remus slowly climbed down the spiral staircase, once more strolling through the dark corridors. So he had kissed Severus. And now?

What seemed like a bold move at that moment felt strange now. Of course Remus had wanted to do exactly that, had wanted to see what happened if he dared to actually do something ever since their evening in the opium den - but he didn't have a plan for afterwards. Or anything else.

Frustrated he stalked down the corridor towards his own quarters. There was no point walking aimlessly through the castle in the middle of the night, and he felt the tiredness creep into his body slowly. A good night's sleep, and tomorrow he would see Severus again and they could, well, talk. Remus wasn't sure whether he was looking forward to that conversation or not, but it seemed a necessary one to have. His brazenness seemed to have evaporated and was gone for good. Splendid. At least nobody knew what had happened, and it was a relief that at least he wouldn't have to suffer Sirius' scorn. 

Tossing and turning Remus spent the night between his cool sheets, drifting in and out of sleep. His dreams were a complicated senseless mixture of duel scenes in a dark forest, a bright green fire burning in the treetops, and long dark corridors he was running through, away from he didn't know what, and towards unknown destinations. He woke up drenched in sweat and even more tired than he had been the previous evening.

Down at the breakfast table in the orchard he told everybody that the heat was finally getting to him, and Minerva nodded emphatic understanding. Sirius gave him the side-eye, but Remus simply ignored his best friend. He was strangely glad that there was no trace of Severus during breakfast. Remus spent the day lounging at the lake, swimming and lying aimlessly in the grass, staring at the blue sky. Sirius believed his story of having a bad hangover once more, and besides some gentle teasing he left Remus alone. At three in the afternoon Remus knocked at the lab door, but only silence answered. He wasn't sure whether he had hoped for an answer or not.  
But later when Remus took a seat at the dinner table he was somehow glad for having avoided Severus all day. Only when Albus arrived Remus learnt that it hadn't been per chance. It was when Minerva filled Albus' glass with a perfectly cooled white wine, smiling at the headmaster and enquiring if Severus was still hiding in his lab that Albus leant back, forcefully smiled, and then sighed.

"No, my dear, but I wish he would be doing just that."

Instantly aware of what Albus was telling her she put the half-empty bottle down, and Remus felt a cold shiver running down his back. Albus didn't need to continue his sentence to make them understand. This time Severus had not returned from Voldemort's call.


	15. Running out of time

And so they waited. Albus told everybody who wanted to listen that Severus sometimes stayed out longer, was sometimes gone for days without a trace and then simply reappeared, dishevelled and grumpy, but perfectly in one piece. They nodded politely, and nobody made the effort to point out that these things usually only occurred when Severus went away on his own business.

The first days passed, and the evenings were still bright and filled with laughter as Hagrid returned from his vacation, telling lavishly embellished stories about dragon caves and very cuddly Forestsphinxes. Albus carefully and with endless patience explained to the smitten groundkeeper why they couldn't have any of there creatures in the forests surrounding the castle, without pointing out that they had a reputation for luring children into the woods and sucking them dry. Hagrid was disappointed and Remus found a pounding headache taking up residence in his skull.

Five days later all it took was to see Albus' tired, pale face in the morning to know that Severus was still gone. They tried to keep the atmosphere light, joking and smiling and talking about their days. But more than once they caught themselves glancing at the dark forest, looming in the distance, silently hoping that any minute now a figure clad in dark robes would emerge from the trees and make its way towards the castle. But it never happened.

It was during dinner on the that fifth day that Minerva carefully put her hand on Albus' arm, directing his gaze back from the forest.

"He'll come back, Albus. I know it."

Sighing Albus turned away from the dark shapes of the trees looming in the distance. He seemed to have aged with every passing day, suddenly looking most of his many years. Catching Minervas' gaze he tried to smile, lovingly patting her hand.

"I hope you're right, my dear."

His voice was light, but the smile was forced, and Remus knew that the a different outcome was far more likely. Too many days had already passed, and while Albus was still capable of pretending to hope for the best it was obvious to everybody that there was almost no chance that Severus was not already dead. The realisation washed over Remus like the rising tide, and he gripped the stem of his wineglass tight. The cold fresh white wine rolled over his tongue, tasting nothing but bitter. He gulped it down, but it didn't help to fill the emptiness in his stomach.

He knew himself well enough to not even attempt sleep that night. Nightmares and the slowly turning moon were more than enough to keep him on his feet, pacing his rooms, the winding corridors, the open grounds. He felt as if he could see their every chance run through their fingers like sand in an hourglass. If Severus had been found out and killed, what secrets had been uncovered along with him? He felt guilty thinking this way, but it was a war, after all. Sometimes he felt as if something heavy had settled down on his chest, something he would never be able to lift off himself again. Looking up to the sky he wished for a full moon, just for a second, for transformation to take away his dark thoughts and give him the freedom of complete mindlessness, of being freed of his responsibilities. But the moon, never having been one to even think about Remus' wishes, remained unchanging.

Returning to the castle from his useless wandering he met Albus standing just outside die great portal. The headmaster stood silently on the top of the stairs, overlooking the grounds. The nightwind seemed to move his beard and long white hair, but his beautifully dyed green robes were too heavy for the light breeze. For a moment Remus felt the need to avoid seeing anybody or speaking to anybody, but it far too late.

"Good evening. Taking a night-time walk?"

Nodding Remus climbed the stairs and stood next to him, following his line of sight towards the dark forest.

"Yes. I can't sleep."

There was no need to lie or invent a story. Albus knew precisely well why Remus didn't sleep. It was true for both of them.

"I want to take a walk in the forest. Would you join me?"

Surprised Remus looked at the headmaster's face, but it remained unreadable. Just a soft, sad smile engraved into his features, his eyes glittering strangely in the little light that came from the moon. In silence they left the portal and walked on.

Minutes later the darkness of the forest had swallowed them whole. Remus was surprised how perfectly sure Albus was of their path in the woods. But then the headmaster had been living in the castle for decades, and it was hardly surprising that he knew the grounds by heart. Side by side they walked through the darkness. It didn't take long for Remus eyes to adjust to the low light, and he soon made out details in the different shapes of the trees and caught glimpses of birds and small creatures making their way through the branches.

Albus walked carefully, his eyes fixed to the ground, although Remus was sure he didn't need to see the path to find secure footing. They stayed silent for a long time. It wasn't until they had reached the apparition clearing that Albus stopped for a moment, picking his gaze up from the ground and tilting his head back to look at the sky. Clouds were chasing over the black velvet of the heavens. It wasn't a night for stars. Sighing Albus looked at Remus, for the first time during their walk.

"For years now I've had a recurring nightmare. It was always the same."

His voice was strange in the otherwise silent forest, soft and slow, as if he were talking in his sleep. Remus didn't interrupt.

"I dream that I walk through the forest. It is night, just as it is now, and I am alone. I'm looking for something, with growing panic. Then I arrive here, on this very clearing - and it looks exactly as it does today - and immediately I know that there's Severus somewhere, and that he's dead. In my dream I remain stuck on the edge of the clearing. I cannot set a foot upon it, even though I know he's lying there, waiting for me. I can't even bring him back home."

The soft voice seemed to falter, but it didn't break. Albus drew a shaky breath, and Remus followed his gaze around the clearing. It was empty, devoid of any creature or human form beyond themselves. Albus shock his head slowly.

"You must think me mad. I send him away again and again, and still the idea of losing him forever breaks my heart."

As if trying to hide his face Albus turned slightly away from Remus, who simply stood silent for a moment. Then he carefully touched Albus' shoulder.

"I understand, Albus. We all do."

Albus nodded, visibly trying to pull himself together and display the strength and cheerfulness everybody wanted to see from him. It occurred only then to Remus that the headmaster had hardly anybody to whom he could ever show doubt. Who would commiserate with the man they built all their hopes upon? So it was the loneliness he shared with Severus, beyond everything else they had in common. They were deeply lonely men, taking their stands all by themselves. They both did not expect help, knew not to ask for it. Knew that there was no help for them.

"Yes, I know. And I'm glad."

Moving away from Remus he crossed the clearing. Again Remus followed him silently. Together they left the open space, entering the forest on the other side, venturing deeper and deeper, into places Remus had never been in his human form. They marched through the almost overgrown underwoods, making much more noise then before, stepping onto dried branches and wading through old leaves. Then the space grew more open again and they could walk side by side.

"It's been five days now, Remus. Five days. That is a long time."

Surprised by the suddenly calm tone in Albus' voice Remus nodded.

"Has he ever been away that long?"

It took Albus a moment to answer. They passed a peculiar part of the forest where the trees seemed to grow violet leaves, the branches covered in what looked like soft velvet. Remus had never seen them before. The rustling movements of the leaves seemed to follow a strange pattern, a whispering melody distracting Remus from his dark thoughts.

"No. But we talked about this situation, of course. There's a plan for every possible outcome. Two weeks, he always said, had to be the maximum. I was to wait two weeks, and then set the wheels in motion to officially declare him dead. Lost in action, or however they call it. Even if I were to never find a body I was supposed to declare him dead."

And for the first time Remus heard what he identified as real desperation in Albus' voice, combined with a slight hint of rage. The headmaster stopped, turned to Remus, his hands curled into fists, and Remus felt a sudden amount of magic prickling in the air.

"But how am I supposed to do that, declare Severus dead when I haven't seen it with my own eyes? No, no, I can't - I won't do that. He has to come home."

The sheer amount of emotion in Albus' voice felt like a knife to Remus' heart, and his own distress suddenly seemed to flood him. He cleared his throat, trying to sort through everything at once and pushing it down. But at the same time he felt sudden relief, knowing that Albus wouldn't give up like that. But what was it good for?

"He will come home."

Trying to put as much reassurance as he could muster into his own voice and face Remus smiled. Albus held his gaze for a second. Then he nodded, looked to the ground and moved on. In silence they continued their walk, passing through the woods and finally reaching the edge of the forest.

Remus was surprised that they hadn't moved as much as he had thought. It had been a long walk, but now they approached the castle merely from a slightly different angle then before. From their spot they looked up at the castle perched on its hill, picture perfect. Next to him Remus felt Albus draw a deep breath, his eyes fixed upon the castle just as Remus' gaze was turned towards their home. It seemed beautiful and solid, as if nothing could ever shatter its foundations. And yet Remus knew it as built on sand, soft sand, slowly slipping away. He had to close his eyes quickly, willing his emotions to calm.

"I guess hope is all we have."

His own voice wasn't as strong as he had wanted it to be, but it had to be said.

"Ah, but Remus - if we have hope we have so much."

Albus' voice was soft in the mild darkness, suddenly reassuring again. It took Remus a long time, even after he had returned to his rooms and crawled into bed to realize that Albus had never actually admitted to having the hope Remus thought they still nurtured.

They continued waiting. Five days turned into six, and every moment Remus was now aware that while they were counting upwards Albus was counting down. Two weeks he was supposed to wait, and six days were already gone. Eight were left.

In the end it took exactly half the amount of time Severus had once given himself for him to return.

Ever since Severus had vanished Remus had used the days for his own work. The summer holidays wouldn't last forever, and his own classes had to be prepared. So he spent the morning of the seventh day at his desk, with the windows wide open, sunlight pouring into the room. He was reading on a certain type of mud fairy, little beasty creatures with beautiful glittering wings and a horrific stink to them, when a sharp knock sounded on his door. Looking up from his notes he pushed his book a bit away. For a brief moment he faltered, unmoving still at his desk. Could there be good news? And if not, did he really want to know?

But then he shook his head at himself. As if reality would simply go away by being ignored - he knew so much better than to believe that. Angry at himself for that sudden indulgence in weakness he put his quill down, smoothed over his hair and got up, mentally preparing himself for the worst possible news.

His opened door revealed Minerva in the doorframe, clad in a lightweight red summer robes, her eyes large with unhidden emotions. She could hardly stand still.

"Severus is back."

It took a second for Remus' brain to process the message. Then he felt the smile spreading over his face and the silent crash with which thousands of pounds of solid hard rock fell off his shoulders. Suddenly there was air in his lungs again.

"Merlin that - that's great news. How is he?"

Immediately Minerva sobered up.

"We don't know yet. All I heard is he's back and he's alive. Pomona told me, she heard it from Hagrid. He found him in the woods, this morning."

Mechanically Remus nodded, his enthusiasm and relief fighting with the small voice in his mind telling him that this could mean nothing. Severus could still be heavily injured, maybe even dying. But he was home, at least.

"Have you seen Albus?"

Minerva shock her head, already turning away.

"No, he's in the Hospital Wing with Poppy. I don't dare to disturb them, not yet. I'd only be in the way."

With that she smiled once more, patted Remus shoulders and wandered off, apparently feeling more at ease now she had shared her news. But Remus was instantly restless, almost tingling with a thousand questions. He had to know. And to see. But Minerva was right - there was no use for him in the Hospital Wing right now. So he forced himself to return to his desk, staring at the books once more. But the words didn't make sense, the sentences ran in circles around themselves, and all he could think about was what was happening not even five minutes away from him. He fidgeted in his chair. He started to gnaw on his quill, a disgusting habit he thought he had left behind ever since he took his O.W.L.s.

It was only when his quill was completely devoid of feathers when he realized that it was no use. Throwing down the tortured writing instrument he got up, marched out of his own quarters and made his way to the Hospital Wing.

When he stood in front of the large door he regained his sense of decorum. For a moment he stood in silence, not knowing whether he'd be welcome or not. Then he angrily shook his head and knocked on the door. If they didn't want him they could kick him out, after all. No need to behave like a timid First-Year. He had kissed the man, damn it, he had a right to know.

There was no answer to Remus' knock, and he carefully pushed the door open after waiting for a moment. It revealed only a large, empty room. But Remus knew his way, and moved through the large open space towards the doors leading to the private rooms, where more complicated illnesses could be treated in privacy.

In the second one the door was open, sunlight streaming from the room. Carefully not to make more noise Remus knocked on the opened door and then stopped in the door frame, barely looking around it into the room. It was empty except for a single bed, some cabinets holding medical supplies and healing potions, and a movable tray table that Poppy used to wheel her equipment around. It was clear to see that the bed was occupied, but Albus and Poppy were standing in the middle of the room, obscuring Remus' view.

Poppy noticed him first.

"Remus, come in."

She smiled, but her face was tired and not quite optimistic.

"I don't want to disturb you? Minerva told me the news."

Now Albus turned around as well, gesturing for Remus to come in.

"We thought you'd want to see for yourself. It's fine. I dare say we have done all we can at the moment, though - "

He stopped and sighed. Remus tried to ignore the slight feeling of fear prickling in his neck and walked into the room. He cast a quick glance at the bed and its occupant, and was far less shocked then he had thought he would be.

Severus looked surprisingly well, considering that he had been gone for a week and apparently had been found unconscious in the forest. Poppy had dressed him in one of the grey pyjamas the infirmary used for its patients. The cotton had frighteningly enough the exact same colour as Severus' skin, which had turned from merely pale to a sick ashen hue. He seemed asleep, the blanket pulled up to his chest, his arms placed on the soft duvet. Around his right wrist the bandage he had discarded days ago had been renewed, but otherwise Remus saw no signs of damage wrapped in white gauze. His illusion charm was still gone, but Remus also picked up on the fact that apparently neither Poppy nor Albus had found or removed the other spells - the ones that Severus himself had called 'creative'. Remus wasn't sure whether that was good or bad.

Like this the man seemed to simply be asleep. His breathing was perfectly regular, and his eyes closed. The tired look on his face remained.

"Is he asleep or unconscious?"

Poppy moved to the bed, looking down on her patient.

"A magical healing sleep. Like this healing processes can work out undisturbed, and it's easier for the body to recuperate. I also don't have to fight him everytime I want to do something."

The explanation sounded logical, and Remus relaxed a bit.

"And is it bad?"

Albus and Poppy exchanged a quick glance, apparently trying to determine whether Remus had to know the truth. Immediately the sense of fear was back.

"He wasn't conscious when Hagrid found him, Remus. And he didn't wake up while Poppy examined him. The healing sleep is necessary to control the administered spells and potions, and useful on top. Theoretically Poppy can control it. But the truth is that we don't know yet if he will wake up again. And in what condition he will be then."

He looked at Poppy, and she nodded.

"His injuries aren't even half bad - a few broken ribs, his wrist torn up again, and it seems he took more Cruciatus than good for him. But - " He stopped, cleared his throat, and continued. "He was gone for so long. Something happened. And, well, there are other indications I would like to keep to myself that point toward the direction that something grave happened. We don't know what, though. But we can't say with certainty that Tom didn't destroy his mind."

Remus felt as if someone had pulled the ground out from under his feet. Concentrating on his breathing he fought down panic.

"How likely is that?"

Albus shrugged, his whole body language betraying how much it took him to remain calm and composed.

"We don't know. But we might never know. And there is something else."

He looked at Poppy, who took his explanation over.

"He's slipping away. We don't know what is happening, but he's loosing energy as if something is draining him. You do know that a magical creature usually draws on his or her own energy to heal the body if it's somehow damaged. I've seen that happen countless times before, and so often with Severus. His magic is powerful, and it always protected him, but now it seems to be weak, gone. We don't know why. There must be a spell, a charm, something - but we can't find it."

Her last sentences were already tinged with bitterness, acknowledging that she fought a loosing battle and that she wasn't used to loose her fights. And Remus could understand. He blinked back the confusion clouding his eyes, carefully drawing a deep breath, and suddenly something in his mind clicked, pieces of a jigsaw-puzzle coming together. Maybe there was hope.

"A spell, you say? Could it be that there is a spell, maybe even one that Severus himself has cast, that is still active and using up energy he would need somewhere else?"

But Albus shook his head.

"There are hardly any spells that continue to function after the person who cast them looses consciousness. Unless it is something tied to a deeper level, but that would be - well, very advanced magic."

Raising an eyebrow Remus nodded encouragement.

"Could he, theoretically at least, be capable of what you call very advanced magic?"

Shrugging Albus looked at Puppy and then rested his eyes on Severus. Clearing his throat he cursed, but it was almost inaudible and Remus didn't understand the language Albus used.

"Yes, by all means, he could. He'd have to work on it, but theoretically he could. And he has done idiotic magical experiments before. But why would he do that?"

Now Remus felt two pair of eyes glued to him, and suddenly realized that he hadn't really intended to give away Severus' secrets. And his final blackmailing material. But what choice did he have? Severus would love him for that, he was sure. He'd better hide somewhere for a while after the man awoke again. Maybe for a century or two.

But then a man had to do what a man had to do. After all his chances to kiss Severus sometime again would dwindle dramatically if the spy would turn into a corpse. Unless Remus developed a sudden taste for necrophilia, and he didn't see that happen anytime soon.

"Damn it, it's another illusion charm, or something like that. He told me, recently, was rather smug about it. Called himself creative, the bastard."

Surprised Albus stared at him.

"But - what did he tell you? And why did he do that?"

Sighing Remus racked his hands through his hair.

"Because he's suffering. Well, he says he's dying, and I fully believe him. He's using the bloody spell to keep us thinking everything is fine and well. Do you remember what you said in your office last week, at night, after the duel?"

Remus could watch Albus understand, could see the wheels in the headmaster's mind turning, and then finally glimpse the realization in his eyes.

"I said he'd want to protect us. That he'd rather die alone then see us trying to help him and - " His sentences simply stopped in the middle of his thought.

"It would fit."

The mediwitch stared down at her patient, and then looked up again.

"Albus, it would fit. The amount of energy needed for any magical concept doing what Remus said would fit the pattern we observe here. It also explains why certain spells seemed to reflect. I would guess that we don't even see most of the damage."

Moving past Remus Albus walked over to the bed, standing on the other side opposite of Poppy. He held out a hand, drawing lazy patterns into the air that Remus instantly felt were made out of pure power.

"A basic Finite doesn't work, we tried that. And he'd expect that. Whatever he did, it's not linked to the conscious level of magic. The level beneath that, where a more complicated illusion charm would be anchored is clean. We tried that, and found nothing but the pull of the other spell. I wonder if he tied it to his own magical signature, but that would cause damage, and I think Severus isn't strong enough to perform something like that. It's not a potion, he doesn't believe in this certain type of Alchemy and it would go against his professional integrity. No. But - "

He fell silent, and while he was thinking the room was completely quiet.

" - I wonder - "

Then he looked at Severus' face, his hands still moving in the air, repeating the same pattern again and again. Remus felt the tingle of magic on his skin, the soft pull of something, but he couldn't comprehend what was happening. In silence he waited.

Then suddenly Albus dropped his hands, his gaze still fixed on the motionless man in the bed.

"Damn you and your creativity, Severus. If you were a less powerful wizard all of us could sleep a bit better tonight."

He looked up.

"He's must have lost his mind, sometime in the last six month. Nobody should do that and yet - and yet he did."

In his voice was rage, anger, disbelief and a very well hidden amount of admiration. Completely surprised Poppy and Remus stared at him.

"It's a sort of mixture between Legilimency and Occulmency - both combined, wrapped into one and set into action with a nice little bow on top."

Confused Poppy shrugged.

"I don't even know what you're talking about."

Growling Albus looked down once more.

"Of course not. None does. It's completely absurd to do that. Occlumency protects the mind from attacks through Legilimency, you both know that. And you know that Severus turned himself through hard work and dire need into a very resourceful Occlumens, using his skill to protect himself from Tom's rather extensive use of invasive and brutal Legilimency. But of course Tom cannot be allowed to realize that he doesn't enter Severus' mind whenever he tries, and thus Severus developed a method of Occlumency that uses the attackers' force to create something like a trap. Essentially Tom thinks he's wandering around Severus' mind, while at the same time he's only walking along the walls Severus has build while seeing exactly what Severus wants him to see. It's absurdly difficult, but it works."

Simultaneously Remus and Poppy nodded, and Albus continued.

"So, what happened here? Severus wants to do the same to us, but in reality. Changing his appearance isn't difficult, of course, but we'd soon recognize what is going on. So he sits down, probably with a glass of whiskey, and comes up with a mad scheme: he crafts his own mental magical field, attaches it to his own person, and carries it around with him. At some point he looks into the mirror, memorises what he sees, and projects that into the field surrounding him. Everybody around him is touched by that, on a subconscious level that doesn't alarm even me as Legilimens. We think we look at him, but what we actually see is what he wants us to see."

It took a moment for Remus to understand what Albus was telling them.

"Does that mean that - is that some kind of automatic Legilimency? He's been manipulating us instead of changing himself?"

Slowly Albus nodded. "Yes, I think that's how it works, on a very basic level."

Poppy needed a moment longer to pick her jaw back up from the floor.

"But - that's impossible."

Remus could only agree and Albus nodded.

"Well, yes. And it's also of course firmly dark magic, seeing that he basically manipulates all of us constantly. But Severus has always practised the dark arts a bit more intently than it was good for him."

That didn't surprise Remus. He wasn't sure if any kind of Legilimency could count as good magic, after all. But he had to admit that what Albus had now explained seemed borderline ingenious.

"That's brilliant."

But Albus firmly disagreed.

"No. Of course it is, but it's also extremely stupid. This type of magic draws energy like a sponge, and he should have been aware that even a wizard with his magical resources couldn't cope with that long term. He didn't properly think this through."

Another piece clicked into Remus' mental puzzle.

"No, he did. It wasn't supposed to be a long term solution. He thought he'd be dead by christmas latest."

Silence fell over the room while Poppy and Albus processed what Remus had told them.

"How do you know that?"

Shrugging Remus tried to smooth over the shock.

"He told me. And I really meant to let you know but - well. Things moved faster than me. Albus, can you break that Legilimency-construction or whatever it exactly is?"

The question helped setting both into motion again. Albus looked at Remus for a minute longer, but then decided that whatever he had wanted to say was better left unsaid. He turned towards the bed again.

"We'll know soon."

Slowly he sat down on the bed, his gaze firmly fixed on the unconscious Severus. Carefully he picked one of the lifeless hands up from the duvet and cradled it in his own.

"And when you're awake we'll have a serious conversation about the limitations of magic and the importance of trust."

Then he fell silent, and Remus and Poppy could do nothing but stare and wait.

Legilimency was a form of magic Remus had grown to be weary off very quickly. He had managed to sort his frayed mind out again in nights and nights of half-sleep and failed attempts at meditation, but the true mechanics of the whole procedure were still firmly beyond him. So whatever Albus did to break the spell Severus had created was completely obscure to Remus. But it took time.

In the end neither Poppy nor Remus knew how long they stood around, silently waiting for something to happen. Both felt like spectators in a theatre play they could neither see nor understand.

But then, finally, the air in the room seemed to quiver with pure energy and Severus' body underneath the blanket seemed to blur for a moment. When they could see again the silence had grown heavier. All three just stared wordlessly, their eyes taking in what Severus had mercifully tried to hide from view for so long.

Within seconds Remus realized that it had to be true that Severus was dying. He looked already dead, that much was sure, and mostly because he was so thin. Skinny at his best he now seemed to have not even a hint of bodyfat on his person. Skin stretched over bones, marked the curve and shape of his skeleton, covered in bruises and badly healed cuts. His collarbone protruding underneath the collar of the pyjama, visibly broken, a thin neck, his face all sharp lines and angles. The jawbone dangerously visible, cheekbones even more prominent than usually, and even closed his eyes were set far too deep into his skull. But his hands were calm and Remus was thankful for the Healing Sleep that had removed the endless trembling from the once so precise fingers.

"And we wonder why he didn't want us to know."

Albus' voice was surprisingly steady, but filled with emotions and more sadness then Remus could bear. He nodded quietly, felling slightly ashamed for having known and not told.

"I have to do something - Albus, move please."

As ordered Albus stood up, and Poppy soon moved her wand in the known gesture of reading a patients statistics, measuring the body and its injuries. When she was done she stepped back, clearing her throat twice before she could speak.

"Yes. As I thought. Or even worse. His wrist is almost broken, the collarbone is damaged, too. Two broken ribs, I guess from a fall. A bad concussion, which probably knocked him out. But - that's only the beginning."

She had to clear her throat again.

"Permanent damage, and I've hardly ever seen that much in anybody who's still alive. I believe it's the Cruciatus. His stomach is badly damaged, which explains why he looks like a breathing skeleton. There's massive neural damage, mostly in his hands, and some nerve cords beyond that seem to be infected or inflamed - I have to do further tests. He must be in pain, in incredible amounts of pain, almost constantly. We have to check later if he was using any kind of analgetic, I cannot imagine him living in this state otherwise. And that's only the damage I found doing a quick exam. I guess there's much more I haven't discovered yet. What did he say, dead by christmas?"

Remus nodded, and Poppy shock her head.

"No. If he continues like this he's dead in a month. Two weeks, maybe."

Silence fell again. This time Albus was the one to break it.

"Is there anything we can do right now?"

It seemed to be the perfect question, and it set Poppy into motion promptly.

"Yes, of course. Small things. We can feed him properly, for once, and since he's not conscious he won't even object. Quite an upside of the Healing Sleep, if you ask me. Then I'll try and set his bones straight again, fix some minor injuries, maybe do something about his concussion. I'll also try to see if I can do anything about the neural damage, especially about the pain level it's causing. Sadly we'll have to wait until he wakes up to do more, but it's a beginning. It will keep him alive."

Until, she said, not if. Remus felt hope again, like a small little bird fluttering.

"But he will wake up?"

Still moving around the room collecting medical supplies Poppy shrugged.

"Who knows. And who knows in what state of mind he'll be - the way Hagrid found him suggests - "

But a quick movement from Albus cut her short, and the rest of her sentence vanished into murmured incoherence. Another sharp glance silenced whatever Remus had wanted to say. What had happened? It was obvious that he wasn't supposed to know and there was no chance that she would tell him anything further with Albus in the room. Retreat sounded like the smartest way. After all, he had a lot to think about.

"I see. Please let me know if something changes or if there's anything I can do?"

Poppy nodded, and shooed him away. He nodded once more into Albus' general direction. But the headmaster had his head turned away from Remus, once again looking down on Severus, silently observing the difference and damage. It was a strange picture, Remus found.

He left the room shortly afterwards, feeling cut off from something he desperately wanted to know. He had wanted to go back to his private quarters, but he couldn't even form one clear thought. So his feet carried him in a very different direction, down the stairs and out through the grand portal, over the grounds. He sat down by the lake before he even knew where he was.

Looking up he saw the evening sunset reflected on the calm waters, turning the liquid into glittering light. Only sometimes a large fish or other swimming creature disturbed the smooth surface, leaving rippling circles of movement before disappearing into the hidden depth.

But all of that seemed lost to Remus' eyes. All he could think of was the magic gathering in the room in the Hospital Wing, the slightly blur of the image of Severus on the bed, and Poppy's clear announcement that he'd be just as dead as he already seemed to be if they couldn't find a way to help him.

Or that there was a chance he would never wake up again. Or that he would and his mind would be gone, destroyed, ripped into pieces and that the scenario Remus knew as Severus' worst fear would come true - that he would be nothing but a dead man still alive, his body functioning but his mind lost forever.


	16. Bound to get burned

Sitting by the lake Remus forgot about time. Lost in his thoughts, spiralling in a fast fall downwards, his mind circling around the worst possible ways their current situation could turn he sat on the grass and watched the moving mirror of the water with unseeing eyes.

When he finally pulled himself back to reality he noticed Sirius sitting next to him, and he looked as if he had been there for a good while. With uncommon patience he was crouching next to Remus on the grass, his limbs folded neatly together, looking for all the world as if he could sit silent for hours when Remus knew exactly that Sirius had to fidget around if he was forced to wait for even a small amount of time.

"Have you been here for long?"

Looking up from his observation of the lake Sirius smiled.

"Welcome back to the world. You were lost in thought, I didn't feel like disturbing you. But how can you sit still for such a long time? I already considered turning into a dog, then I could've just fallen asleep next to you."

Carefully stretching his stiff legs out in front of him Remus nodded.

"That would have been a sensible thing to do, I guess. When did you come back? I didn't know you were home again."

Grinning Sirius started to occupy himself with picking at the innocent meadow.

"This afternoon. I went to your rooms, but you weren't there. Then I met Minerva and she told me about the near demise of the bat. Is it really that bad?"  
Remus nodded, considering whether the nickname Sirius used was an insult or actually just a habit. But he decided to let it slip. At least Sirius hadn't voiced his satisfaction about the development.

"Yes, it's really bad. He could die, I guess."

For a brief moment Remus hoped his voice wouldn't choke, wouldn't display all of the emotions he carried within himself. He wasn't quite keen on telling Sirius what he had done - how he had kissed Severus and not been pushed away, and how it still stuck to his thoughts like thick honey dripping from a spoon.  
To his surprise Sirius said nothing. He just inched a tiny bit closer to Remus, offering nothing but his presence and a silent invitation to talk if it were necessary or to remain silent and simply enjoy the company. It was unusual for Sirius to be this tactful, but maybe he still remembered their recent discussion about words and their impact, and choose wisely enough to keep his mouth shut.

Around them the sunset was almost giving way to twilight. The moon already rose over the forest, still only halfway of her regular size. Remus still had a few days. A week.  
And then he realized how empty the stock rooms were. How the last part of the potion had been used up during the last fullmoon. That Severus had wanted to brew a new batch, the day after he had vanished, and how things had turned out quite differently from that on.

"Shit."

It was the only thing Remus could say in that moment. Under Sirius' surprised gaze he had to explain further.

"There's no potion left. Wolfsbane. And even if Severus wakes up soon he won't be able to brew. I completely forgot about that."

Sirius looked over to the forest, taking in the rising moon, and stared back at Remus.

"Fuck. What are you going to do?"

Defeated Remus shrugged.

"Well, what can I do? Hiding and hoping like I used, that's what I'll do. But with the upcoming new year, I don't know. I need to speak to Albus."

Sirius intensified his maltreatment of the grass underneath them, and it annoyed Remus immediately.

"Stop torturing the meadow, will you? It's not its fault that things went downhill."

Remus wished he could punch something, preferably Voldemort, but chances were slim that he'd get that opportunity anytime soon. As he was ordered Sirius ceased pulling out grass and brushed his hands off.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to annoy you. Just a question - why don't you make Wolfsbane yourself?"

If Remus' eyes hadn't been solidly set into his skull they would have popped out of his face and rolled down towards the lake. He imagined the fish would have enjoyed his eyeballs tremendously.

"What?"

Shrugging Sirius cracked his knuckles.

"You know what I mean. You spent weeks in that damn lab, working with the bloody bat. Something has to come out of that, right? Otherwise you wasted your time and my time, because I could have thought of nicer things to do than that."

Annoyed Remus growled.

"How do you imagine that to work? Do you have a clue how difficult that potion is? I don't even understand the full formula, seriously. I'd blow up the whole damn castle by accident or something. No, that's not going to work."

Sirius pulled on his thumb until the joints gave a satisfactory plopping sound.

"I'm surprised - usually you don't give up that quickly."

Furrowing his brow Remus shook his head. How could it be 'giving up' if he was supposed to do the impossible?

"Merlin, Sirius, we're not talking baking a cake or making a cough potion here. These ingredients are insanely expensive and rare and complicated, and without a potionsmaster I can't even tell those damn jars apart from each other."

Being done with his fingers Sirius stretched his feet, watching his ankles pop to his satisfaction. His face betrayed a slight hint of amusement.

"But you just need a potionsmaster, right? Not necessarily the bat."

Now Remus had lost track of his friends' thought process for good.

"Well, I have the formula - but I don't know. What are you even trying to tell me?"

Rolling his eyes Sirius fully stretched his slim frame, extending his arms over his head and yawning.

"Albus, you muppet. He's a potionsmaster, isn't he?"

In his surprise Remus remained completely silent. Of course.

Albus. The man who had discovered the twelve uses for Dragonblood. Who had written a still much used and celebrated work upon the history and theory of Alchemy together with Nicholas Flamel. Who, if Remus remembered correctly, was a former student of St. Aurelius. Fully trained Master of Potions, next to his other titles. And the man who had practically ordered Severus to come up with the formula for Wolfsbane in the very first place.

Staring at Sirius Remus couldn't help but grin.

"Damn you, yes, you're right. I would've never - do you think he can do it? I have never seen him even close to a cauldron."

Done with his stretching routine Sirius recollected his body into a more human position.

"But he's teaching potions when the bat is too busy to do his job, so he has to know about these things."

That was true. It happened rarely, but sometimes Albus took over the potions classes and taught all possible years, from the first years to the intensive prep courses for the N.E.W.T.s, without looking at the books or preparing anything. And from everything Remus had ever heard he was good, although Severus always complained about Albus' use of potions to entertain rather than to educate.

Suddenly Remus felt the need to move.

"That might be either the most idiotic idea you've ever head or the most brilliant. Whatever, I have to ask. Maybe - "

He stopped for a moment, wondering whether he should really give himself over to that particular hope. But this time it was for himself, and it was the only thing he could currently do. To transform without the terror of loosing his mind, without most of the pain, without waking up and frantically trying to piece together whether he had killed or not, to not be a monster, or at least to not fully turn into the monster he really was.

"Sure. I'll take all the credit if it works, and if not I'll tell everybody it was your idea. Go and see Albus. And if not, well, I would help you if you wanted to. I wasn't that bad in potions class, if you remember."

For a moment Remus imagined Sirius in the lab, wandering around between fragile jars and highly explosive cauldrons, a nightmare if there ever was one. Although it would maybe help to wake Severus up. Hell, the image of Sirius in his very own private lab would probably even resurrect Severus from the dead.  
"Thanks, Sirius. Hopefully I won't need your help. See you later."

Without waiting for a reply Remus got up, walking as fast as possible over towards the castle, finally breaking into a light jog. Sirius watched him from his place by the lake, shaking his head at his friend's strange outburst of energy and finally sinking back into the grass to watch the evening sky in peace while pulling entire bushels of grass out of the meadow.

Albus was in his office. At least that was what a very surprised Pomona Sprout told Remus, who nearly ran into the Herbology professor in front of the grand portal. She had just been to see him and discuss issues concerning a reorganisation of the greenhouses in the next year.

Jogging all the way up the stairs Remus finally stopped in front of the gargoyle securing the staircase up to the headmasters office. Waiting for his breath to become more regular again he went through his plan once more. It was insane, and he knew it. There was practically no chance it could work out, but then stranger things had happened to him before. And hadn't Severus himself placed enough hints for Remus so he knew what to do? Remus had the formula. He knew about the three concept books, hidden somewhere in Severus' study, wherever that was.

Giving himself a mental slap to move on he gave the password - "marshmallow mice" - and glided upwards on the staircase.

Albus was seated behind his desk, in front of him officially looking paperwork that he brushed aside as soon as he saw Remus. He smiled, but it was a small, tired smile, lacking his usual radiance and brightness. He gestured for Remus to come in.

"Have a seat. What can I do for you? Would you like some tea? A lemon drop?"

Denying the tea but taking a lemon drop out of the delicate rose coloured bowl Remus needed a short moment to deal with the overwhelming sweetness assaulting his senses.

"I wanted to talk to you about, well, something. How's Severus?"

Albus sighed, leaning back and taking off his glasses. Pulling a large violet handkerchief from his golden robes he started to polish them carefully.

"Unchanged, which is bad and good at the same time. He'll remain in the Healing Sleep for the next five days, then we want to see if he'll wake up on his own. But we still don't know - and we have no idea what happened during the last days. How he even came back, or rather, who brought him back."

Gulping down the sweet lemon candy Remus tried to make a mental note to never accept them again.

"Do you think his cover - ?"

But Albus shook his head. "We still can't be completely sure, but I believe he'd be dead in that case. Or we'd gotten his head back. Or - but we will see. But you came because you wanted to speak to me?"

It was obvious that Albus, as friendly as he was, wanted to get rid of Remus as fast as possible. Remus guessed that he felt like everybody else, needing time and space to withdraw into his own thoughts. But Remus didn't feel like indulging him this evening.

"Yes, thank you. I wanted to ask you a few questions. Tell me, you are a potionsmaster, right?"

Surprised Albus stopped the process of polishing his glasses and returned them to his nose. Apparently he had expected everything but that kind of questions.   
"In a certain way, yes. Why do you want to know that?"

But Remus needed to know more details. "What does that mean, in a certain way?"

Albus' face still openly betrayed his surprise.

"Well, I'm currently residing Grand Master of the Guild of Potionsmasters and Alchemists. I studied at St. Aurelius, maybe Severus told you. Then I worked with Nicholas Flamel for a long time, dragonblood, the stone, but you know these things. I'm a properly trained potionsmaster, yes, but actually I'm an Alchemist."

Now it was Remus turn to be surprised.

"There are differences?"

He had never heard about that before. Albus seemed to resign himself to a lesson he had not real desire to give tonight.

"Of course. How come you do not know these things? I guess there was not much time for theory. Let me explain it to you."

He placed his elbows on the armrests of his large chair, and stapled his fingers together in the gesture Remus already knew to lead to a longer monologue. Or attacks on his mind, depending on the situation.

"All potionsmasters have the same training, more or less. Three years at a college, in England traditionally either at St. Aurelius or Schwarz' Hall in Cambridge - then at least two years as an apprentice with a master who's licensed to take on students. Then the apprentice returns to his or her college, and most work towards the Doctoratus then - a nice title, but mostly just a good chance to play around and enjoy working in the field, finding one's own style. Most take the Master exam after their Doctoratus, as it's much more complicated than the Doctoratus."

He watched Remus, who felt himself compelled to nod and put on a proper listening-face.

"Most apprentices decide on their field before they go back to their college. There are two branches - the practical work, the Ars, and the theory, the Scientia. The Artists, as they call themselves, then split up into different fields - for example working on the Opus Magnum, or becoming one of the crazy spagyrians. The others are called Scientes, and Alchemists are a minor branch of the Scientes. We're pure theoretical workers. The Artists claim we're too dumb to heat a cauldron properly, and we claim that an Artist can't do even an easy calculation. Needless to say that's all just bickering. Of course I can heat a cauldron, and Severus, who even belongs to the most obscure branch of Artists, can perform a satisfactory amount of Arithmetic without trouble."

Fascinated Remus listened to the lengthy explanation. Everything was new to him. He hadn't known that there were so many different subgroups among the single group he would have labelled 'potionsmasters'.

"So you're a potionsmaster specialized on theory - but you can do all the brewing, too?"

Nodding Albus smiled, satisfied with his small lesson.

"Yes."

Relieved Remus sat a bit more upright.

"Good. Because I had a small, uhm, suicidal idea."

Apparently Albus had a clue what exactly Remus' idea entailed. He closed his eyes for an instant, opened them again and smiled.

"I think I know what you want - but give me your version."

Remus tried to smile as endearing as he could.

"You see, there is no Wolfsbane left in stock, and the fullmoon is coming up. I haven't transformed without the help of the potion for a long time, and the thought -"  
Suddenly his voice faltered. He didn't know how to properly put his fear into words, turn his pain into sentences. How did one describe the panic he felt when he thought about the Shrieking Shack? Taking a deep breath he found his footing again.

"Could you brew Wolfsbane? Or could we?"

The question was out, stood in the room like a strange artefact for a moment and then vanished like one of Severus' smoke rings. Albus kept a remarkable control over his face and his smile stayed mostly intact.

"You know that there can't be a positive answer to your question?"

The fear in Remus' stomach growing he nodded.

"Yes. But in the past weeks I've learnt and - "

Albus interrupted him.

"Oh yes, I know. I know exactly what you've learnt in the past weeks, of course."

Surprised Remus stared at the headmaster. "You do?"

Albus sat up straight again, his elbows on the table, hands sprawled out on the desk.

"Yes. Severus had to report to me - but not for the reasons you're thinking of. As the Master of the Guild every potionsmaster who takes on a student or apprentice has to report to me. Usually that happens in an official setting during the Guild meetings, but since your case was slightly special we skipped the ritual."   
Now it was Remus' turn to be completely surprised.

"But I'm not really a student or apprentice."

A quick movement of Albus' hand pushed the argument aside.

"Don't be naive. The Art of Alchemy is a highly ritualised craft, and its teaching follows a very strict code of conduct. Every master is required to strictly supervise anybody who's working in his or her laboratory, be it a full apprentice or simply an assistant. Everybody who's instructed in the Science needs to be approved by the Guild. You can't just randomly teach Potions whenever you feel like doing it. And you can't teach everything. Didn't you notice that there are certain things Severus doesn't explain?"

Of course Remus had noticed that, and he nodded.

"Yes, but I thought it had something to do with me not being good enough yet."

But Albus shook his head again.

"No. Severus was very satisfied with your work and impressed by your quick progress and motivation."

That sounded strange in Remus' ears. He couldn't remember receiving any kind of praise in that direction. But maybe Severus' teaching style was based on different things than mere praise. Albus, in the meantime, continued.

"There are things only apprentices training to take the master examination are allowed to learn. You're not a master candidate. And Severus isn't qualified to take on apprentices in any case."

"Why not?" That surprised Remus. Why shouldn't Severus train apprentices? He was teaching Potions day in and out anyway.

"He's too young, amongst other things. There are requirements a master must fulfil to train apprentices. Ten years of experience as master, which Severus has, a certain age, and some other minor things. Severus was the youngest master candidate the Guild ever accepted, and nobody believed he would pass the exam - but he did with flying colours, and was a menace to the rules ever since."

Albus smiled, obviously enjoying the memories for a moment. Then he continued.

"Well, that's all water under bridges. Let's just say he needed a special permission from the Master of the Guild to take on an assistant. Lucky for all of us it was an easy thing to get, seeing that I simply had to nod and sign a piece of paper. It would have been very complicated otherwise - how would we explain the Guild that Severus is training someone in the art of brewing a potion that doesn't exist? Because, as you know, the Wolfsbane has never officially been registered with the Guild."

Remus wondered why Severus had never told him. It would have been an interesting discussion, maybe one they could have had in that little café in Oxford. Obviously it was too late for that now. 

"That's a lot of new information. But back to Wolfsbane, yes?"

It took a while for Albus to reply. He looked at Remus, seeing him but not really seeing him. Remus felt as if that glance went straight through he head, measuring him, considering. It had nothing to do with Legilimency though. There were many ways to be examined and weighed that had nothing at all to do with magic.

Then Albus shook his head slowly. Remus had been considered to be too light.

"I don't think that this is a good idea."

That wasn't quite what Remus wanted to hear.

"Does that mean you can't or you won't?"

He wasn't glad about having to show persistence, but it seemed necessary.

"Both. You have the formula, I know, but I have never worked with it. I don't know anything about the potion. Severus spoke a lot about it, we discussed some problematic areas, but he did everything himself - the research, the construction of the basic layout, the calculation, the testing stages. I don't even know if all the necessary ingredients are there, and in what stage. No, it would be madness. You will have to try and survive on your own, and maybe get used to it again. I don't see Severus brewing anytime soon."

There was nothing Remus could do to change Albus' mind, and he knew it. He felt anger collecting in his chest, but forcefully kept as calm as possible. It could have worked, he was so sure. He had the formula, he knew that the ingredients were there and completely prepared, everything was set up already - but it was no use.

"Thank you. I won't keep you from your work any longer."

Remus wished he could keep his voice more neutral, to keep the emotions from leaking into his words, but the disappointment was clearly audible. Albus only nodded, and they parted in silence.

Back again in the corridor Remus needed to calm his rage. He turned it into blind energy, stomping around the castle, up and down the stairs, burning the frustration about a reaction that felt so much like betrayal. It was almost completely dark again when he finally ended up in the Great Hall, watching the enchanted ceiling displaying a beautiful night sky, not caring about Remus' fear and slowly dying anger.

He looked at the darkness above him, looked and looked, and then decided what he wanted to do with the evening.

When he reached the Hospital Wing the door to the private room opened lightly. There was only a small light, casting a warm glow on a comfortable reading armchair pushed into a corner. Poppy held a book in her lap, but she wasn't reading. She looked up when Remus entered, tired from a long day of work.  
"Good evening, Remus. I didn't expect you."

Smiling Remus closed the door behind him.

"I came by on a whim. Would you like me to take your place tonight? You look like you could use a good night's sleep. And you've done so much already."  
She hesitated a second, then closed her book and carefully got up.

"Would you do that? Theoretically there is no need to sit and watch Severus sleep, you see. He can't wake up. But it's a habit of mine, I always try to be there when he wakes up - well. You know how habits are. I just don't want him to be alone."

Remus agreed, promised to keep watch in her place and she accepted gratefully. Checking that her patient was fine once more she finally nodded a greeting and retired to her own quarters.

As soon as the door closed behind her Remus turned off the small light and sank into the comfortable armchair. The pale moonlight was enough brightness for him tonight, and he knew that his view would remain unchanging.

Immediately soft darkness flooded the room. It was that special kind of darkness one often found in Hospital rooms, an unfamiliar darkness, so different from the one everybody knew from their own bedrooms where shadows were friends and sometimes monsters. This darkness belonged to nobody, and it knew that perfectly well.  
The room smelled of antiseptic cleaner, herbs and potions, and the lavender of the sheets. There still was a soft note of Poppy's own scent in the air - Salvia and coriander, iris and powder talcum. Everything was mixed with the heavy perfume of the night air coming in through an opened window, and underneath all of it, so faint Remus wasn't sure if he wasn't making it up, Verbena and Earl Grey.

For a moment Remus closed his eyes, sorting through all the smells and categorising them into his own internal database. When he opened them again nothing had changed.

Severus lay in the white bed, still like a corpse besides the perfectly rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. New was the intravenous drip in his right arm, a clear liquid slowly dripping into his veins. Remus had no idea what it could be, but it seemed like a good thing. At least there was something they could do.  
The moonlight painted harsh shadows on his face, completely unguarded in the Healing Sleep. His hair was bound back, tied somewhere in his neck, and in it's stillness his face seemed strangely naked. There was no burning gaze out of black eyes to protect him from Remus' curiosity, no acid comment dripping from his tongue, spoken with cold calculation or seething rage.

And wasn't that in the end what they all wanted? Someone or something to protect them, from everything that could hurt or harm them, even if it was themselves. And wasn't that exactly what the Wolfsbane potion did? It protected Remus from himself, from the pain and the fear, but also from the realisation that he was the monster everyone told him he was. It protected him from his darkest wants, from the thrill of the hunt, the bloodlust and the cravings of the wolf. It gave him the illusion that he was a human being, after all, and not what deep inside he knew he really was.

He sat up straighter, staring at Severus motionless hands on the blanket. Poppy or whoever had pulled the blanket over his chest had draped them on his stomach, as one would place a dead man in a coffin. His long fingers were relaxed, the palms downward on the brilliant white of the sheets. Their thinness was haunting, but at least they didn't move in that endless tapping rhythm Remus still could feel ghost over his own palms if he allowed himself to drift into his thoughts.

How could a man like Severus cope with that? There was nothing to protect him from that reality - or was there? Had he created the strange spell to not only save others from seeing what was happening to him, but also to stop himself from thinking about it? How did one live, knowing that death was imminent, facing it daily but not dying?  
Remus wondered how Severus had felt in the very beginning, when things were still almost right, before he had developed his system of illusions and potions to deal with his own physical deterioration. Had he cursed and yelled, thrown things and accused fate of being cruel? Had he gone to bed and cried over what now finally was lost - first his career, his ability to work and ultimately his life? Or had he just closed his eyes once, inhaled deeply and given himself the mental kick needed to perform what he considered to be his duty, another display of sheer willpower and cold discipline?

Remus' own fate suddenly seemed strangely mild compared to that. He wouldn't die, or at least he hoped so. The Shrieking Shack had been his home before. It would do the trick again.

Sitting in darkness with the moon and Severus he thought about the past and the present, ignoring the small shrill voice of panic reminding him of his uncertain future while feeling the heavy weight of surrender to reality slowly pressing down on his shoulders. Was there a point in putting up a fight when he knew he would loose?  
Deeper and deeper he sank into his thoughts, once more falling into the spiral he had been in earlier that day by the lake. But now there was no Sirius to disturb him, to talk him out of his bleak thoughts. He almost felt the poverty again, the damp walls of the flats he had lived in, barely making enough money to live and yet too much to die.

How long his nightmare-like visions lasted he couldn't tell later. It must have been hours later when he suddenly realized a movement in the room, something or someone had entered the room. Remus jerked his head around, jumped from the armchair, and found himself facing Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster stood leaning next to the wall by the door. How long he had been in the room Remus could not tell. Once again. He needed to become more vigilant, that was for sure.  
"Merlin, Albus, don't scare me like that!"

The adrenaline was still pumping in his blood. With unsteady fingers he replaced his wand in his robes, still glaring at Albus who looked appropriately remorseful.  
"I'm sorry, really - but I made sure the door made a noise when I closed it."

Remus rubbed his forehead, his whole body quivering with the sudden burst of violent energy.

"I swear, that scare took ten years of my life away from me."

Albus examined his shoes briefly.

"Again, apologies. I'm not used to being overlooked, I guess."

There was enough hurt pride in these words to ensure Remus that Albus was telling the truth. A quick glance into a side of the headmaster Remus had only seen glimpses of, but wasn't too keen on getting to know better. Right now he still wasn't sure he really wanted to talk to Albus. He had been too lost in thought, too deeply involved into the examination of his own mind and its dark twists and turns.

"I wanted to speak to you, Remus."

Strangely enough Remus suddenly felt as if he had taken on Severus' usual role. The dire need to cross his arms in front of his chest and roll his eyes was urgent and didn't even go away when he tried to push it down.

"Yes? Shall we move to someplace else?"

But Albus shook his head, and waved Remus to take a seat in his armchair again. He himself sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at the perfectly still Severus for a moment.

"I'd like to stay. It's quiet here, removed from the world I sometimes think. We won't disturb Severus. He can't hear us."

The thought brought Remus back into his dark musings. Shaking his head to chase the thoughts away he walked the few steps to the window and sat on the broad window sill. The soft and still warm night air seemed to immediately flood his nose with its smell of warm grass and wood, more intense at once than the medical scents of the room. Encouragingly he looked at Albus. Only then he realised that the lights were still off and they were sitting in darkness. But Albus didn't seem to mind.

"I thought about our talk after you left and I have to admit that I might have rushed my decision. I do understand the importance of the potion for you, and in conclusion to all of us. We don't know what will happen when Severus wakes up again, in what state his mind will be. But we need to find an arrangement that enables you to continue your work here, and thus we will need the potion. We can't afford to loose you, Remus."

Pondering Albus' words Remus wasn't sure whether he should feel validated or not. Did Albus mean it?

"And I didn't give you the chance to fully explain what you wanted to tell me, yes?"

Clearing his throat Remus nodded. That was a second chance if he ever had one, and he wasn't going to let it pass by unused.

"Well, yes. I don't know a lot about potions, but I think we would work under good conditions. I know that all the ingredients are in stock and prepared. I know that Severus kept notes on the potion, and he told me to look for them in his study. And I have the formula."

Looking down at the silent form of the potionsmaster Albus nodded.

"Did you know that I asked for a copy of the formula and he denied my request? He said there was one in his vault in Gringotts, and nowhere else."

Remus understood the implication in this, all the layers of meaning. All the things Albus left unsaid.

"But I do have a memory of Severus brewing, which will be very useful."

There was no time for Remus to slip back into his thoughts. "A memory?"

"Yes, to be viewed in a pensieve. He gave it to me a few month ago, for safekeeping. I know where it is, I'll look at it."

Suddenly there was this wicked little piece of hope again in Remus' chest. And fear.

"So - are we going to try it?"

Sighing Albus combed through his beard.

"Don't be too hopeful yet. I have to look at the memory, see the notebooks. We have to assess the situation properly before we embark on that experiment. You are aware how dangerous it will be?"

Remus nodded. There was no need to remind him. Severus had been very honest about the demands of the Wolfsbane, and Remus himself had gotten a good glance at the dangers of Alchemy engraved into Severus' skin.

"And you have to remember that it might not work. Wolfsbane is one of the most complicated potions out there, after all, and besides Severus nobody has ever worked with the formula. There are pitfalls to that. But - well. I guess if the starting conditions are good, and we have to check that first, we maybe could try it."

Once more Remus nodded, this time with more emphasis, and Albus only smiled.

"You're really stubborn. Severus would like this whole thing, if it weren't his potion and his private laboratory. We will get in trouble for that when he wakes up."  
The smile broadened, and Remus couldn't help but smile himself. He could imagine the fuss Severus would make about that, indeed. If he only would wake up again.  
They remained silent. Albus sat on the bed like a strange sentinel, completely still, the smile still on his face. The pale light of the moon and stars carved deep lines into his face, painting shadows that weren't there during the daylight.

When Albus spoke again his voice seemed heavy, sadness dripping from every word.

"He wouldn't be here like this if he had trusted us enough. But he doesn't. I fear he never will."

For a brief moment Remus wondered whether the words were aimed at him, or if Albus was simply voicing his thoughts. But before he could say something Albus nodded resolutely and stood up from the bed.

"But we shouldn't dwell on things we cannot change. And if we really want to attempt Wolfsbane we'll have a lot of work to do. I will search through my office for the memory. Can you pick up the notebooks from Severus' study?"

Remus stood up from the window sill as well.

"I would, but how do I enter his rooms?" It wasn't very likely that Severus kept his doors ajar for visitors to drop in. Remus didn't even know where his private quarters were located.

"The password is Licet, and you can use it tomorrow from morning till evening. Then it will be inactive again."

That was a system Remus had never heard of before. "How does that work?"

Albus smiled. "A nice system, isn't it? Let Severus explain it to you, creative things like this are his favourite pastime. He comes up with small new spells like this all the time. You will find the notebooks in his study, I believe. Serpens Tower, one floor above the laboratory. He's got a beautiful view, maybe the best in the whole castle. Make sure you take a good look out of the living room windows."

And then Albus was gone, closing the door softly behind him, leaving only darkness and silence behind him. Remus reclaimed his space in the armchair, his thoughts still circling about these new developments. Did they even stand a chance? They were testing their luck, that much was for sure. But with the most powerful wizard alive by his side, what could happen?

A lot, Remus inner voice softly whispered, and he fell into uneasy slumber curled up in the reading chair with the image of burning fire and heavy smoke in his mind. Severus in the opposite bed didn't stir and whatever thoughts he might have had on the plan remained hidden behind his blank and unmoving face.


	17. Daylight in the mind

The next morning Remus stood in front of a heavy wooden door that was exactly where Albus had indicated it would be. He still felt slightly wrinkled from a night spent in the armchair in the Hospital wing, but a quick hot shower and fresh clothing had removed the worst and at least made him feel remotely human again.

He had climbed the stairs past the laboratory, pondering how he had never been in this area before, not even after he had started to work with Severus - even though Severus knew exactly where Remus lived. Especially since their night in the Opium den, and Remus rather indecent offer. But he wasn't going to think about that now that other matters were at hand.

Clearing his throat Remus examined the door. It was solid, like every door in the whole castle, and sturdy, made out of dark wood. Ash tree, if Remus was correct. Unlike most other doors it had no doorknob. Remus paused. Now that was unexpected. Usually passwords for doors worked in an easy way: one put one's hand on the doorknob, said or thought the necessary word and voila, the way was free.

Now the simple absence of the doorknob seemed problematic. Just to try it Remus thought the Latin password once or twice clearly, but nothing happened. Sighing he looked up and down the corridor and suddenly felt stupid. What was he even doing here? Pushing his flat palm against the dark wood he said "Licet" loud and clear, and promptly the door swung open.

Well, then.

For a moment Remus stared at the now open passage, noticing soft half-light inside what he guessed was the corridor into Severus' rooms. He remained unmoving in front of the open door a minute, and then lost patience with himself. What did he expect inside Severus' rooms - Scylla and Charybdis? A reincarnation of the dog with the three heads Harry was still terrified of? Voldemort himself? Forcing himself to move he crossed into the small room, and the door closed behind him.

Nothing happened.

It was just a small anteroom, not bigger than the one Remus himself owned. There was nothing even remotely special about it. A quick Lumos later Remus saw nothing he hadn't expected. A well-cared for collection of shoes neatly lined up underneath a row of cloaks and coats - mostly robes, mostly heavy fabric. He caught glances of two muggle-style wool coats, a few scarves he had never seen Severus wear thrown over the pegs, and then something unexpected. A soft tug on the visible part of the garment produced a very well-worn black leather jacket Remus had rather not expected, and that quickly vanished again under the more conventional cloaks. He filed the image away for further use and then mentally slapped his own wrist. He was not here to spy on Severus or rummage through the currently absent man's life, after all. He didn't have permission for that.

So he walked on. One of the doors let into a large living room, and Remus immediately understood what Albus had meant when he spoke about the view. One wall of the long room consisted of three large windows, reaching all the way from the floor to the high ceiling. Through the glass panes Remus saw the grounds stretching towards the Forbidden Forest, and the open sky. It was a spectacular sight, and the sunshine flooded the room. The simple white curtains to the right and left of the windows were tied together, and hardly big enough to cover that much glass anyway.

Otherwise the room was sparsely furnished. Like everywhere in the living areas of the castle dark wood covered the floor, in contrast with the light sandstone of the walls. A large fireplace loomed over one side of the room, lavishly carved with ornaments and probably as old as the castle itself. Otherwise everything in the room seemed to be of that simplicity which Remus could largely enjoy, but never afford. On a thick dark carpet a large sofa dominated the room, accompanied by a comfortable looking armchair.

The sofa looked comfortable despite its lack of pillows, and was large enough to accommodate a tall man stretching out on it. There was no other furniture besides a glass coffee table and a long low shelf on the other side of the room, containing a few objects of which Remus could place only a few immediately. There were a few dark wooden boxes with ornamental decorations, something that looked like a Japanese tea bowl, four vases without any sign of flowers and a black lacquered tray holding a crystal bottle and four matching glasses, the amber coloured liquid inside the bottle looking very much like good whiskey. Some parts of the shelf were covered by wooden doors, hiding probably more interesting things from Remus' prying eyes. Above the shelf was a series of three abstract paintings - black lines on white ground, nothing figural - and that was it, ignoring the open door opposite the fireplace.

The only thing that lent a trace of actual life to the austere room were the books. And they were everywhere. There were piles on the glass coffeetable in front of the sofa, underneath the table and next to its feet. There was a stack next to the armchair, and a book balanced on one of its armrests. A stack of large coffeetable books was placed on the low shelf itself, bearing information about muggle painters, Japanese landscapes and a linen bound collection of French travel essays. There was a book on the couch, half-covered by a dark grey rug that pointed towards an owner who sometimes fell asleep on the sofa and needed a blanket handy.

For a brief moment Remus wondered if Severus indeed actually lived in these rooms. There was nothing personal, beyond a few objects and the art, but nothing he would expect a man to have who had been living here for almost a decade. No pictures showing people or family, no clutter, nothing that seemed to be in a place it didn't belong to. There was no dust.

Moving on Remus crossed through the open doorway, realising that it didn't even hold a door, and walked into what could only be Severus' private study. It was smaller than the living room had been, but held the same large windows covering almost an entire wall. Sunlight streamed through the clean window panes, flooding the desk in front of them, strangely enough placed so that the owner of the desk would sit with his back to the windows, facing the open room. And the bookshelves.

And there were many of them, enough to truly warrant that Severus spoke of his private library. Beautifully designed in dark wood they covered every available space of the wall. They were crowded with books, and nothing but books. Remus couldn't see a single opening where another book might have found enough space, which explained why the stacks had started to seep into the living room.

Before Remus could stop himself he started to examine the shelves. He was looking for books, after all, and he was sure Severus wouldn't mind. He had offered Remus free reign and use of his library back at the bookstore, so it wasn't as if Remus was invading his privacy. At least not more than he already had.

Within minutes it became obvious that there was hardly a topic Severus' books didn't cover, with the exception of a few obscure magical fields like Divination. There was also an obvious lack of cookbooks, which briefly reminded Remus of his mother's extensive collection at home and raised a few fond memories in him.

But with these exceptions Severus seemed to own a text on almost everything. There were paperbacks from Muggle printers in harmony with heavy leather bound volumes as magical businesses printed them, everything obviously well used and in various stages of decomposition. Many books showed clear traces of having been studied intensively. There were bookmarks everywhere, poking out from beneath the pages of at least half of the visible books. While giving the shelves just a cursory once-over Remus saw every possible item one could use as bookmark - slips of paper, theatre tickets, train tickets, muggle money from various countries, once even a feather sticking out of a poetry collection.

It seemed that Severus simply read everything he could get his hands on, and furthermore obviously didn't throw books away. His library was sorted by subjects, and included everything from biographies to travel descriptions, novels and poetry collections, anthologies and edited diaries. Books in various languages lived peacefully next to each other, indicating that Severus understood and read a fair scope of European languages. French novels stood next to Italian works, Latin classical texts next to something Remus couldn't even decipher. The only divide seemed to exist between literature, non-fiction and his work library.

It didn't surprise Remus that the focus of Severus' work collection was clearly set on potions and herbology. That also included works on the material science of potions, the history of alchemy, arithmetic and other subjects related to it. Furthermore there were works on the history of magic, transformation, various types of rare and complicated spells, monographies on magical creatures and plants. And of course the more practical books, dictionaries and works on grammar in various languages, textbooks to go with them and encyclopaedias.

On one of the lower shelves a monster book growled silently as Remus knelt down to get a better look. It was rugged and furry, but seemed well-kept and not too dangerous. Above it were shelves filled with books bound in black leather with no markings on the bindings, and Remus didn't need to look closer to realize that Severus apparently also kept a large collection of books on the Dark Arts. Considering his interest in the Dark Arts was of a rather professional nature Remus was tempted to pull one volume out to see what it was about. But when he reached out and his fingertips almost touched the black leather binding he had a sudden feeling of cold water running down his back. Surprised he pulled his hand back, and the feeling vanished. For a moment he wondered whether the spell was tied to that particular book or the shelf as a whole, and then decided that it wasn't worth the hassle to find out. He made sure not to touch anything else, and quickly moved on to the last shelf.

Located right next to the desk it finally held notebooks in various stages of use. Just as everywhere else in the library Remus saw a mixture of muggle notebooks and the heavier leatherbound volumes magical folks preferred. There were small and large notebooks, black ones and those with colourful bindings in paper and cardboard. Some seemed heavily damaged from water or fire, some had a small piece of paper pasted to their spine to indicate their contents. Trying to decipher Severus' creative handwriting Remus noticed that these small notes weren't of any help. He had no idea what could be found inside the notebook with "Prague 10th" or "Rome 1/3" on the spine. Some simply held names, others dates and years. The word "Doc" was on at least ten notebooks, with the appropriate number behind it. In the middle of the shelf a board contained nothing but parchment rolls and letters, some neatly stacked, others in confusion. 

Next to the systematic chaos of parchment sat a box, made out of wood, open and containing a large amount of parchment slips, muggle postcards and letters addressed and stamped to be transported by muggle postal services. It was always the same handwriting, a flowing script in round letters, mostly using a light brown ink. There was a single postcard taped to the front of the box, showing a beautiful european looking city drenched in the sunlight of a summer sunset. The view swept over the flowing river and forced the observer to contemplate the facade of a beautiful palace perched atop a hill overlooking the city. The golden letters "Praha" were stamped on the lower left side, and Remus didn't need to know more to understand that Severus, apparently, kept a special box for the letters that came to him from the bohemian potionsmaster they had met in St. Aurelius. It was the only sign in the entire rooms that hinted towards the possibility that Severus did, indeed, have at least a shadow of a life outside of Hogwarts and his two lines of work, a tiny remembrance that there was someone else who cared for him. It stirred a feeling in Remus he was too familiar with, the slight and bittersweet pang of nostalgia and then loss digging its claws into his mind. But he didn't have time for this, not now.

Sighing he stepped back and gave the entire shelf a once over. The notebooks on Wolfsbane had to be there, that much was sure. But which one of the many notebooks was the right one?

He decided to go by elimination. It couldn't be any of the books with tags to their spines, because none of the names made sense in relation to Wolfsbane. That ruled out a good portion of the badly damaged muggle notebooks. Next he knew that there were three notebooks on Wolfsbane, and knowing Severus he guessed that they somehow belonged together. That left only few options.

Stepping closer to the shelf again he examined the row above the parchment rolls, and three particular books caught his attention. They were bound in dark brown leather, two large volumes and a rather small one next to them.

Carefully he extracted them from the shelves and carried them over to the desk. Only when he put them down and his fingers brushed over the spines he noticed the dry-embossed roman numerals on their backs: I, II and III. Still careful he opened the one with the roman I on the back. On the first page, with black ink a large roman I stared back at Remus, and underneath scribbled in hardly legible script: Wolfesbane. He had found what he had been looking for.

Quickly he arranged the notebooks on the desk and without thinking took a seat in the large wooden desk chair. Only when he had already seated himself comfortably he realized that he had just occupied Severus' very private desk without an invitation. For a moment he felt like an intruder, until he remembered again that it was very unlikely that the owner of said desk would suddenly appear in the doorframe and tell him off. Although Remus wouldn't actually mind that happening.

It also seemed that there weren't many items on the desk that could be too private for Remus' eyes. It was carefully cleaned and well-arranged. And almost empty. There was a black ceramic pot holding various pens, pencils and quills, amongst them what looked like an expensive muggle fountain pen in polished black and gold. There were a few sheets of fresh parchment, neatly arranged into a clean stack and on top of them a small leather bound volume that looked like a planer or an addressbook. Remus did not touch it.

Instead his gaze wandered around the room. Despite the lack of personal items, of pictures or other relicts of a full life he suddenly seemed to sense Severus' personality in the arrangement of the books. There was a hint of authority to a collection so extensive, something leisurely in the high ceiling and the expensive carpets. He could imagine Severus wandering among his books, looking for something here and there, taking out a volume and stretching out on the thick carpet to read.

Shaking his head Remus forced his thoughts back to reality. Maybe he should consider writing cheap romance novels if his thoughts continued to wander into kitschy realms. To distract himself he opened the first notebook.

And pushed it aside frustrated mere minutes later. He was sure that these notes could contain the wisdom of the world. But even though he had managed to understand the concept Severus used to structure the books quickly he simply couldn't read them. There was a clear index, structured by dates, and it pointed towards the various pages that always had the date on top and then what Remus imagined were notes on various experiments. Or not. If he were honest he had no idea, as the writing was mostly completely illegible. The black script was littered with abbreviations and a shorthand Remus didn't understand. Sometimes parts of sentences slipped into other languages without forewarning, included Latin phrases or Greek symbols. And something Remus had never seen before. Was that supposed to be some kind of cuneiform script? He squinted at the text, but it didn't help.

Neither did the amount of arithmetic calculations and chemical notations. Or that almost every piece of writing seemed to have been corrected, rewritten, crossed out or underlined. The pages were partly damaged, from water or fire, and some had turned into a complete mess of blurred ink. He didn't understand a single thing, and he knew it wouldn't help the least if he were able to read Severus' handwriting. It was obvious that he was looking at the paper incarnation of the thought process a potionsmaster at work would have, and Remus simply wasn't one.

The second book seemed more promising. For once it wasn't as badly damaged as the first one, which led Remus to the conclusion that it had never seen the lab. And he was right. It contained various excerpts from literature or longer text, written in the same black ink as the first one, but far more legible. Clearly structured it seem to chronicle everything Severus had found on Wolfsbane, with detailed notes on the whereabouts of the original books.

He seemed to have travelled a fair bit to reconstruct the existing knowledge on the potion, as Remus noticed flipping through the pages. And there were the letters, sometimes sewn onto the pages, that proved how carefully he had inquired with various sources around the world. "Master Snape, your letter concerning the potion - " they all started, with the exception of slips of parchment that simply cussed at him in what Remus thought was Czech and then told him to come to St. Aurelius and get the Hyle if he really wanted it that badly. They were usually followed by notes on the uses of Hyle and, once, an out-of-place remark to never drink plum schnapps again. More and more fascinated Remus read his way through the second book, flipping through the pages, following Severus on a journey he already knew would end in the laboratory, as chronicled in the first book.

The third book, then, proved to be everything they would need. Thinner and a bit smaller then the other two it was nothing less then a manual. Written in the same black ink, but far more legible it took the reader through the necessary steps of the potion's development, contained the full formula and detailed instructions on how the brewing process had to be performed. The final pages were devoted to common mistakes, hidden traps and easy to understand drawings illustrating various steps, followed by an index and a register.

It was obvious that it had been written to instruct another person on how to brew wolfsbane, and Remus suddenly remembered Severus speaking of documents he had placed in his vault, which in case of his death were supposed to be handed over to Andreas Libvaius. Remus was fairly certain that he held a copy of these documents. But he also immediately understood that it must have taken weeks and weeks to draft and produce a document like that.

Just as he flipped through the final pages a sound at the window made him nearly jump over the desk. Turning around he saw a small black bird hovering in front of the window pane, clearly demanding to be let in. Relaxing from his shock Remus rose and stepped up to the window, and within seconds had opened the ancient mechanism that kept the window closed.

The bird gave a disapproving sound, and immediately flew into the room. Perching on the desk chair the messenger looked around, making a soft sound.

"Ah, you're looking for Severus? He's not here. But I can deliver your letter."

The bird looked at Remus from its pale eyes, gave a croaking sound and seemed to consider this option. Then it raised one leg, and allowed Remus to untie the letter. He placed the small scroll on the desk.

"Thanks. I'll give it to him. And now goodbye."

He pointed toward the window, but the bird didn't move. Remus tried it again, with a shooing motion, but nothing happened. Sighing he placed his hands on his hips.

"Food, he? Always out for treats."

The bird croaked again, this time making almost nodding motions. Shaking his head Remus scanned the room. Where would Severus keep owl treats? He didn't have a single idea.

But the bird did. Slowly moving on the desk chair to the right it kept on bending down, pointing towards the desk drawers with its beak.

"Been here before, haven't you?"

Following the birds' orders and with only minimal remorse Remus opened the first drawer. It contained more pencils, paper and other writing utensils, and a small box from a muggle retailer selling mints. Picking up the red and white tin Remus opened it, to find a selection of bird treats. The mailbird croaked encouraging, and Remus fed it no less than three treats before it shock its dark feathers and took off through the opened window. Shaking his head Remus replaced the tin, and closed the drawer. He felt a tiny bit smug about the almost-chaos within it. At least there were small signs that Severus wasn't as inhumanly prim as the room seemed to suggest.

Then he decided to take the books back to his own rooms. Carefully stacking them and carrying them into the living room he placed them onto the coffee table and returned into the study to close the window still open. The small scroll lay in the middle of the desk, untouched. He wondered if he was supposed to bring it to the Hospital Wing. But then Severus was still asleep, and wouldn't be able to read it anyway. He could simply tell him when he woke up again.

Glancing at the shelves one last time Remus felt a certain sense of longing. He could imagine long winternights here, with the fire blazing, a good pot of tea on the coffee table and being curled up with a book. Who would have imagined that the dark potionsmaster lived in lodgings flooded by daylight, surrounded by books and art and not by dead creatures with unseeing eyes stuffed into jars?

Back in the living room Remus allowed his curiosity to take the lead once more and cast quick glances into the remaining rooms. One was a bathroom, just as white tiled and perfectly clean as his own, with nothing particularly special to it. Towels, non-descript bottles as any man would keep them, and a very muggle toothbrush. The mirror was decidedly un-magical, and Remus grinned at their shared preference for silence during their morning routines.

The next door led into a bedroom. Just like the other rooms it had large windows, allowing the view onto the other side of Serpens Tower. But it seemed darker than the living room and study. The carpet was thicker, and heavy dark curtains framed the windows, able to block out any kind of unwanted sunlight. The bed was large and, unlike most beds in Hogwarts, not a canopy bed. The dark wood - ash tree once more, probably - and the clean lines fit in nicely with the character of the other rooms. Only the sheer size surprised Remus, who himself owned a rather indecently large bed that seemed almost small in comparison to Severus' own. And there were pillows, much more than most people would need, together with the duvet in perfect white linen and a heavy dark bedcover. For a man who was notoriously overtired and famous for sometimes not sleeping at all owning such a large bed seemed like a strange luxury.

Next to the bed on Remus' side of the room stood a nightstand in the same dark wood as the bedframe. It held a small water carafe complete with a glass, and a small muggle artefact - a plastic alarmclock with green numbers and white hands that would probably glow in the dark. It's soft ticking sound filled the room with a calming white noise.

Besides that there were the ubiquitous books in a stack next to the bed and one with a bookmark in it on the nightstand. Other than that the room was plain, containing just a closet and a dresser. On top of the latter stood a box, once more black lacquer, about the size of a shoebox. There was no visible lock, but the perfectly polished surface seemed strangely forbidding to Remus. There were no fingerprints visible on the perfect black. Involuntarily shuddering he turned around, and was almost out of the door when he caught the gleam of sunlight on glass.

Next to the nightstand, pushed slightly back and not clearly visible behind a stack of books was a small box containing a number of vials. Inching closer Remus counted no less than twelve, and immediately was reminded of the empty vial he still kept on his own bookshelves a few floors away from here. He didn't need to think about the possible content of these vials. They were too obviously connected to what had become visible underneath the legilimency spell.

Finally the sense of being an intruder crept up on Remus again, and he turned around. Softly closing the door he walked through the living room once more. Picking up the three notebooks from the coffee table he cast a final glance through the room. He liked what he saw, even though it was far removed from his usual living style. Everything seemed to be placed with great care, showing clearly the aesthetic preferences of the owner of these rooms. The clear lines and austerity were only overwhelming at first. Underneath Remus picked up on the heavy fabrics and soft throws, the comfortable pillows and the sofa turned towards the fireplace. It was a calm space, a place to rest and think, and it seemed fitting that Severus had created a contrasting space to his hectic and so often dangerous life.

Remus was almost out of the door when he cast a final glance back into the living room and nearly jumped. In the middle of the rooms, as if it had manifested itself out of thin air, stood the Drak he had seen before in Severus' lab. The creature stared at Remus, its black eyes fixed on his face. Immediately he felt uneasy, a tiny impulse to flee creeping up on him. 

"Uhm, hello. I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt. Albus gave me the password. I'll be gone immediately."

The Drak did not move an inch, and once again Remus noticed that it didn't seem to breathe. He had forgotten to look the creatures Severus had called spirits and tricksters up, and now regretted not knowing what to do. 

"Right, I'll just see myself out."

He had no idea if the Drak understood him. Severus had used a language Remus had never heard before when talking to his personal evil houseelf, but the Drak had not answered him. Now Remus didn't wait for anything, simply nodded and forced himself to turn around. With his back to the creature he tried to exhibit a self-assurance he was considerably lacking at the very moment. 

The notebooks firmly in his arms he made it to the little anteroom unharmed. But he felt the presence of the Drak in the living room behind him like a dark cloud hovering in a otherwise clear sky. His hand was already on the door when he felt the slight tug on his mind. Pausing mid-movement he turned around. The Drak still hovered in the middle of the room, staring right at or through Remus. The tug at his mind remained, a low hum right at the edges of his consciousness. But it didn't feel like a threat. There was no hint of violence in the soft pull on his thoughts, no force. It was Legilimency, for sure, but a different type of it than what he had felt when Albus had knocked on his brain. He looked at the creature for a silent minute, and then understood. 

"He will return, I think. I hope. We all hope."

He had no idea if the Drak understood what he had said, but the low hum in his thoughts seemed to intensify for a moment, becoming a dark, low pitched purr. Then it vanished, and the creature was gone, leaving only dust dancing in the sunlight in its place.

With the low hum slowly fading away from his mind Remus fastened his grip around the books, looked around once more and left. The door closed behind him with a satisfying sound, and the magical system locked it immediately. He had the notebooks and within them finally a guidance to help him find his way through the craziness that brewing Wolfsbane would be. Albus had said they would try, if the notebooks were promising - and Remus would eat an entire Quidditch-teams' broom-collection if they weren't, that much was for sure.

As he had promised he brought the concept books up to Albus' office after lunch. The headmaster was seated behind his desk as usual, and his office was flooded with the same bright light that had lit up Severus' rooms.

On Albus' desk was a large bowl made out of rough stone, with runes inscribed into the very edge. It was round, with a thick fog floating the middle.

"Come in, come in. I see you found the books. Did you enjoy the view?"

Smiling Remus sat down in the offered the chair, depositing the books on a free space on Albus' desk.

"I did, it's indeed beautiful. He never told me about it."

Reaching out Albus took the first book and opened the cover.

"Just as I thought. Well, you see, Severus is a rather reclusive person who likes to keep a safe hiding space from the world. He would do great as a cave hermit, wrapped in furs and growling at visitors all the time. Sadly fate decided to turn him into someone who needs to deal with social interaction."

The image of Severus as a caveman intensified Remus' grin considerably. It was a strange image that Albus painted, yet a fitting one. Severus was one of the few people who could be completely content with not speaking for days, if Remus assessed his character right. And yet he had spoken to Remus. Out of all people.

Albus was quietly leafing through the first notebook.

"Dear Merlin, his handwriting is ghastly indeed. How are the others?"

Quickly Remus pushed the third book into Albus' direction. "Much better, especially this one."

Picking it up the headmaster gave it a cursory glance and nodded, visibly satisfied with what he saw.

"Yes, yes, perfect. I knew I could trust Severus with that."

Putting it down again he gestured towards the Pensieve.

"I've found two vials with memories labelled Wolfsbane. I think one is a memory Severus gave me, and the other - I'm not sure. I was about to view them. Would you like to accompany me?"

Surprised Remus nodded. He had never been inside a Pensieve. Five minutes later he was seated on the other side of the desk, and Albus explained everything carefully once more.

"Really, it's easy. You have to do nothing. Just bent over, and touch the liquid with the tip of your nose. You will experience a falling sensation, and it's essential not to panic. But that's it. Remember that nothing you see can affect you. But don't worry, I'll follow you shortly, though I don't really know where we'll end up. But we can leave anytime we want."

Nodding Remus took a deep breath, and slowly leant forward. With his nose almost in the twirling mist inside the Pensieve he thought he felt a cool sensation. Then he inched a bit closer, and just the second the tip of his nose touched the first waves of the floating substance he suddenly felt a strong pull, a feeling as if the hard stone of the Pensieve was scratching his stomach. And then he fell into darkness.

It was an intense feeling, worse even then being apparated somewhere. The darkness seemed to flood into his mind through his eyes, nose and mouth, drowning out the daylight and his surroundings.

And then it was over just as suddenly as it had happened, and he stood in a lush garden in the middle of a summer day. The sun was shining just as brightly as it did outside of the real castle walls, filtering through the green leaves of the trees planted at what seemed like carefully selected places in the garden.

Surprised he looked around. The garden was large, and well kept. In the distance he saw the edge of a green forest and shrubbery encircling the garden. To his right a path went through the grass towards a large, and visibly very old house. It had two small turrets, but wasn't as big as a real manor would be. The roof was strangely slanted towards the garden, and from one of the chimneys smoke was rising even though it wasn't cold and Remus could see no immediate need for heating a house in the middle of summer.

But before he could take another look at the house he noticed a door opening in the back, and two people leaving the house. To his surprise he knew one of them very well. It was Albus himself, maybe a few years younger, wearing a bright blue lightweight summer robe. The other man was much smaller, thin, and his almost white hair was cut short. He wore muggle clothing with a distinct oriental touch, light linen trousers and a shirt that looked comfortable enough in the summer warmth. As they came closer, approaching a few trees giving shadow to a bench and a table Remus noticed his unsteady gait. It was only when they passed him, missing him by centimetres, that he saw the traces of a birthplaces somewhere in the far east or beyond that in the cut of the man's face, emphasised by entirely black eyes.

Then, out of thin air, another Albus Dumbledore stood next to him. It took Remus a few seconds to glance from the Albus of the memory to the headmaster right next to him, and he was glad that they at least weren't wearing the same robe.

Chuckling Albus turned around, taking in his surroundings, before he turned to Remus.

"I have to say I wasn't aware I still had this particular memory stored somewhere. It won't be of much use to you, but, well, it might entertain you. Or not."

Remus turned to Albus, looking away from the two men who had just seated themselves in the shadow of the trees.

"Where are we?"

Albus smiled broadened.

"A beautiful garden, isn't it? And that's only the public part of it, all the herbs and magical plants were kept behind the shrubbery. Yes, it was magnificent."

That didn't help much to clear up Remus confusion, and Albus understood quickly.

"Forgive me, I got carried away. I haven't seen this for a long time."

Now impatient Remus tapped his feet. "Yes, and?"

Albus smiled, but his face was tinged with sadness.

"Of course. But first let's step closer to the table."

They drew in closer to both men just in time to hear the younger Albus ask a question.

"So you have not changed your mind?"

The older man leant back.

"Not in the least. I do not have time for these things, and you know it."

His melodic voice was tinged with a heavy accent from somewhere beyond Istanbul if Remus were to try and place it.

"Oh, come on. How important is your work on immortelle extract, really?"

Crossing his legs a hint of displeasure crept over the man's face.

"Very much so, and you know it. I never questioned your endeavours on dragonblood, did I?"

With a sly grin Albus leant back on the bench.

"Not to my face. I know you well, and you didn't believe it feasible either. But it worked."

The man nodded silently, his face still not approachable. Then he turned slightly, as if he had heard a sound, and looked towards the house. The younger Albus followed his gaze.

"There's the boy. Would you like a refreshment?"

Shaking his head slightly Albus smiled.

"Very much so - a glass of water and his opinion."

Grunting with displeasure the man turned around.

"An apprentice does not have an opinion, at least not in my house."

Smiling broadly the younger Albus patted the man's shoulder.

"Oh, but I'm sure this one does. And I want to hear it."

Remus noticed the Albus next to him slightly turning around, followed his example and needed a few seconds to compose himself.

Around the corner of the house, in linen trousers rolled up to his knees and a rather ratty looking t-shirt, barefoot and with a bunch of freshly cut herbs in his hands wandered a much younger and shockingly alive looking Severus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity. - Joseph Addison


	18. Screwed up and brilliant

In the time it took Remus to stare Severus had walked over to the table and nodded a greeting at the seated younger Albus. But he didn't have time to speak. With a shooing handmotion the other man waved him away immediately.

"Go and get yourself presentable. And bring refreshments."

To Remus surprise Severus heeded the order immediately. Turning on his heel he strolled past their spot again, showing no particular hurry, and by the time he reached the house Remus had examined him as he were a rare species whose discovery would earn Remus immortal fame.

What surprised Remus most was how healthy he looked. A few years seemed to have passed between their Hogwarts graduation and this moment in the garden, and the lanky nervous boy he had gone to school with was all but gone. Severus had been one of these children who needed more time to grow into their body and their personalities than most others, and he had always been thin and pale and sour looking.

But this young man was decidedly not pale and sour looking. It was probably the slight tan that surprised Remus most. Gone was the ghostly tone the young boy and later the man always sported, and together with the muscles visibly moving under skin it was obvious that this incarnation of Severus was used to do quite a bit of physical labour - probably gardening, taking their lush surroundings into account. The second change was his haircut, an unusual short crop that left his hair just long enough to tuck it behind his ears, a black mop that now looked quite tousled.

But Remus didn't have time to think about that further, as the two men sitting at the table had continued their conversation as soon as the younger Severus was out of hearing range.

"So, I see you've grown used to having an apprentice in the house again?"

It was only then that Remus finally understood where he was. Of course. Severus himself had told him of his apprenticeship with, well, that famous potionstmaster. Who was sitting on that bench now. What was his name again?

Whatever it was, he growled slightly and folded his arms over his chest.

"What choice did I have. But yes, he's not as useless as I thought he would be."

The younger Albus smiled and gently shook his head.

"Don't play martyr, you did have a choice. You always said you'd work with someone again if you just found a bright mind. And you can't deny he's exceptionally intelligent."

Growling again the potionsmaster stared at Albus.

"His work is appropriate, if that's what you mean. But I need to keep him busy constantly, otherwise he'll have creative ideas that I don't want to think about. I considered getting rid of him, but - well. It likes him."

With that he gestured towards the house, and Remus didn't understand a single thing. Turning to the Albus next to his side he didn't even need to raise an eyebrow to pose his question.

"The house, Remus."

That was the only explanation he got before the conversation at the table continued. It didn't help, though. The house liked Severus? Had everyone gone crazy?

"But that is nice, Basilius, really. You'll like each other, just wait and see."

Folding his arms tighter the potionsmaster - Basilius, that was his name! - seemed to politely and silently disagree. The younger Albus just smiled.

"And he's keeping the house in good order, if I saw that correctly on my way in. Never thought he would be much of a help with these things, to be honest."

Now even Basilius didn't argue.

"Well, it's his duty to do so, as you well know. The old ways are still perfectly fine for today's apprentices, if you ask me, and I don't see why somebody should attain lodge and board for simply learning things. No, an apprentice needs to learn how to run a proper house, how to tend to the garden, how to live according to our rules and beliefs."

The younger Albus smiled brighter, and then leant towards Basilius a bit.

"And the cooking? How does that go?"

His voice was low, as if he were asking a confidential question.

"Someone has to do it, and I'm tired of it. Houseleves, I will have none of that humbug. There will be no little creature scurrying around as long as I can still walk, the Drak is already enough. I told him to learn it, he did as ordered, things are fine."

That satisfied the younger Albus, and he leant back again. Remus couldn't help but grin. So maybe there was a cookbook tucked away in Severus' private library at Hogwarts, after all.

"I was just wondering, you see, curiosity. But let's not gossip about your poor apprentice, his ears will be ringing already. Ah, and there he comes!"

Just in time the younger Severus reappeared again, this time with a tray floating perfectly balanced behind him. He had obviously changed, wearing much more formal clothing that still was light enough to be bearable in the summer heat. In perfect silence he arrived at the table, commanded the tray to slide onto it and carefully served Albus and his master with the drink in the carafe. Then he nodded to his master and had almost turned around again to leave when Basilius called him back.

"Master Dumbledore wishes to speak to you, boy. Sit."

As he was ordered Severus turned around again, betraying only with his slightly surprised facial expression that he hadn't expected this. A wave of his hand had a comfortable looking garden chair float towards the table, and he positioned it next to the bench and sat down. Crossing his long legs he stared at Albus.

"How can I be of service?"

There was only a hint of annoyance in his dark voice, just a small reminder that he didn't mean what he was saying. But his face was relaxed again.

"That remains to be seen. How do you find your new life as apprentice?"

Severus only nodded.

"Perfectly fine, thank you. I enjoy the opportunity."

It was probably the most non-descript answer a person could have given. Apparently even at that stage of his life Severus hated small-talk, something the younger Albus seemed fully aware of as well.

"I'm certainly glad to hear it. And the St. Aurelius Duel-Team can cope without you? I saw you in the arena last winter, I was impressed."

Severus nodded politely.

"Thank you. Everything is in perfect order. My second took over and will do fine."

"Who is it?" The topic of collegiate sports seemed to interest Albus.

"Natalja Pirask, an undergraduate."

But before Albus could continue Basilius groaned, his patience apparently being even less resilient than that of his apprentice.

"By the bones of dead men, Albus, get to your point. The boy doesn't have time for such idle nonsense. We all have work to do here."

Raising his hands Albus smiled, nodded and produced a small folder from inside his robes. It grew in his hands until it had reached the full size of a proper pack of paper.

"Of course, I apologise for humble conversation. Here is what I wanted to speak about, Mr. Snape."

He put the folder on the table, but when Severus moved a hand to reach out Albus own hand went down on the paper.

"Let me ask you a question first, will you?"

Shrugging Severus let his hand drop again, and Albus continued.

"Splendid. How much do you know about Lycanthropy?"

The young Severus' head shot up immediately, his face changing from relaxed annoyance to composed suspiciousness.

"Why do you want to know that?"

Albus' smile didn't falter.

"Just answer."

The lines in Severus' face didn't smooth, but he complied.

"Nothing in specific. Condition presumed to be a magical illness, transmitted by salvia and blood, usually from a bite. Those affected transform once a month, loose human capability and hunt for blood, usually human blood. Classified as beast by the Ministry when transformed, though modern law tends to stretch the definition to the affected human. Werewolf Act of Conduct from 1639. No known cure."

He rattled the sentences off as if asked in an exam, keeping his face carefully neutral. Remus felt the soft pang in his stomach he always experienced when Lycanthropy was mentioned, and with practised ease he forced the feeling down and away. No known cure, yes. But a remedy. And suddenly Remus knew why he was watching that scene.

The younger Albus nodded and smiled.

"Textbook knowledge, yes. In which grade did you learn that?"

The young Severus seemed more and more uncomfortable, but kept himself under firm control. Remus couldn't blame him. Their unfortunate meeting would have scared lesser souls to death and beyond, after all. The least he could give someone who had stood face to face with his lupine form was to squirm whenever the topic was mentioned. Or faint. Or run away screaming and never come back.

"I don't recall."

The answer was sharp and on point, leaving no open ends. But Albus simply continued smiling.

"It doesn't matter, I think. Let's move on. You said there was no cure?"

But at precisely that point Basilius had enough.

"I won't have you question my apprentice and waste all of our time with schoolboy knowledge. Get to the point."

Now Albus sighed, and patted the folder.

"Patience, Basilius. I wish you could brew it, it would make things much easier if you had a larger supply."

The young Severus had glanced from his master to Albus, and Remus almost felt how he suddenly understood where this was going.

"You want to speak about Wolfsbane."

Triumphant Albus nodded. "Yes! Very good. What do you know about Wolfsbane?"

Basilius sighed, shaking his head, and leant back in his chair, murmuring something underneath his breath in a faintly Arabic sounding language.

"It's impossible to brew. Damocles Belby was said to have done it, but he blew up his entire house and all of his notes. There was no evidence left that he really managed to do it. Thus it remains impossible, though in this case it's less about the actual process than about the fact that nobody knows the exact formula. And that is all there is to it."

Albus opened his mouth, and at that very precise moment a faint sound of a bell could be heard. Immediately Basilius sat up straight.

"My bell - how can my cauldron be ready now? I need to see to this."

With surprising speed he got up, and without another word headed towards the house. Albus watched his retreating back with a smile, slowly lifting his hand from the folder on the table. It took not even a second for the younger Severus to move a hand and send the folder flying straight at him. Without a word he opened it and quickly flipped through the few documents inside. Then he looked up, straight at the younger Albus.

"How fitting the cauldron would be ready just now."

Albus smiled back, and said nothing, forcing Severus to continue.

"What do you want from me?"

Nodding towards the folder Albus leant back.

"What do you know about Wolfsbane?"

Shrugging Severus put down the folder again.

"Nothing more than anybody, I'd presume."

Albus' gaze was fixed on him, unblinking.

"I wouldn't quite agree."

A small smile crept over the younger Severus' lips.

"It seems so. But what makes you think I'd tell you, even if there was something to tell?"

The folder slid over the table towards Albus again. Nobody had moved.

"You're looking for a potion to work on for your doctoratus work. I know you're ambitious, and you seem to have the capacity to warrant it."

Slowly the young Severus shook his head.

"Of course I have been looking. But it won't be Wolfsbane."

Now Albus was surprised.

"Why not?"

Neatly folding his long fingers over his knees Severus kept his gaze calmly fixed on Albus. Remus was surprised how quickly the general atmosphere had switched from a leisurely afternoon-chat to pure talk of business.

"There's no point to it. It doesn't draw any kind of money, scholarships, chairs, funding. It would be a career dead end, and as you so rightly said, I am ambitious indeed."

Frowning Albus tapped his long fingers on table.

"You don't need money, if I recall your finances correctly."

Immediately mistrust crept into the younger Severus' face.

"How delightful to be informed about my own financial status. I won't have to tell you that scholarships are usually not about money."

Immediately Albus realized his mistake.

"I don't pry, generally. But you father was a public figure - "

He was ruthlessly cut off.

"My father is dead, and that is the end of that."

His voice sounded strangely familiar, for the first time falling into the cold hardness Remus knew so well. For a moment nobody said anything. Albus picked up his glass and drank, a motion Remus was sure was meant to buy time. Carefully he put the glass down again.

"It would be needed."

The younger Severus said nothing, looking at the folder on the table, his face closed like a shut book. Carefully Albus tried again.

"Not everything we do has to pay off in immediate rewards, Mr. Snape. And there are many who would benefit, many who could be saved."

The young Severus snorted and looked up again.

"I do not subscribe to what you call saving people."

For a brief moment the smile on Albus' face vanished, and it seemed to Remus that he turned into the stern headmaster he had known as a student. It was obvious that he thought Severus stubborn.

"Then why did you look into it, I wonder?"

Only then it dawned on the young Severus that he had all along sat in a carefully constructed trap, and that Albus held a few cards more on his hand then he had been aware of. He still kept a remarkable control of his face, but it was obvious that he hadn't expected that move. The difference to the perfect self-control Severus would exhibit years later was astonishing. But even like this the young man recovered quickly.

"Simple curiosity. Obscure things have always fascinated me, and an impossible potion seemed too interesting to ignore. I quickly discovered that it wouldn't fit into the spectre of work I am familiar with, and thus I decided to not pursue it further - had it not been for the Hyle foundation, though, I would have - "

He realized he had said too much a little bit to late. Albus was already alert.

"Hyle based? Why?"

Now it was Severus' turn to cross his arms in front of his chest. He looked positively mad at himself.

"It would need to be, it seems the only way to guarantee the high potency needed to achieve the desired effect. There is nothing more to my research."

He wasn't the perfect liar he would be years later yet.

"Really? Nothing more?"

But even without lying he wouldn't say anything more, and it was obvious.

"That is all."

Sighing Albus shock his head again.

"The idea of saving souls really doesn't appeal to you?"

An openly distasteful look appeared on Severus face.

"As I said, I don't believe in saving people. Or in souls, for that matter."

Frustrated Albus opened his mouth again, but at this very moment Basilius reappeared from the house and quickly made his way through the garden. His speed was surprising, considering the unsteadiness of his gait. He gestured towards Albus, visibly not too fond.

"Are you trying to impress my apprentice? It won't do, Albus, it won't do. Get your own if you want your work done."

He sat down again, waving an impatient hand towards the still seated Severus.

"Don't sit around lazily, boy, get to the laboratory and do your cleaning work."

Despite his efforts to look neutral it was clear that the younger Severus wasn't at all annoyed by this order. He simply nodded, and rose from his chair.

"Of course. Master Dumbledore, I bid you farewell."

Albus nodded in his general direction, and with just enough restraint to make it look as if he wasn't rushing off Severus stalked back towards the house. As he passed their spot again Remus managed to steal another good glance, noting his facial expressions that now clearly betrayed how glad he was to have escaped Albus' assault. But Remus also saw that he seemed much more relaxed than he would have been under any circumstances later on. A longer glance revealed that he also seemed to bear hardly any of the scars that would be present so many years later. Neither the scars on his arms nor the hideous large scar around his right wrist were there. Only a few burn marks were visible, most of them looking fresh.

And there was no trace of the Dark Mark. It took a moment for Remus to process that. With a question on his tongue he turned to the rather real Albus next to him and noted the melancholy gaze in his eyes.

Then the whole scenery froze.

Surprised Remus blinked, and Albus smiled.

"Well, as I said, I didn't know where we'd end up. The first time I mentioned Wolfsbane to Severus, the opening prelude to what happened years later."

Nodding Remus opened his mouth to ask, but Albus was faster. He had apparently noticed Remus' dissecting glance.

"I know what you mean. The Dark Mark was only visible when Tom called his followers, back then. These days he's more powerful and more brutal, and it never goes away. But back then it was easy to hide. Otherwise not a single one of his followers would have gone far in the world, if you think of it."

So Severus had already been a Death Eater, probably murdering his merry way through England. Remus wasn't sure how he wanted to deal with that thought.

But he didn't really have time for it anyway. In front of his eyes the scenery suddenly blurred, and when he could see clearly again he stood in Albus' office. For a moment he thought he had lost the connection to the memory - or fallen out of the pensieve - but suddenly there was an Albus sitting behind the desk and another next to him, and then Remus realized that it was another memory, probably years later.

He turned around to find Severus pacing the space in front of Albus' gigantic fireplace, and he was very much the dark sour man Remus knew from Hogwarts, the cold Head of Slytherin, clad in billowing black academic robes. And visibly annoyed.

The Albus next to Remus grinned.

"Oh, I didn't know that this is in there as well - apparently I put the beginning next to the second beginning. It's short, if you don't mind watching it?"

Shaking his head Remus complied easily. His curiosity was running rampant, as always, thought he wasn't too sure what the headmaster meant. His confusion was cleared away quickly when Severus growled something and stopped pacing. Instead he walked over to the desk, threw himself and the large amount of black fabric he wore draped around him into one of the visitor chairs. Crossing his arms over his chest he positively glared at Albus, and his angry stare would have sent lesser spirits in panicked run for cover. But the headmaster only smiled.

"Isn't it lovely that I can now simply order you to do it?"

Severus seemed short of lynching him.

"Doesn't your humanitarian exterior prevent you from doing such things? Keeping up appearances? Trying to look like the good one in this game?"

Albus clicked his tongue.

"Tut, Severus, really. You act as if I ordered you to kill someone. All I did was recommend you brew a potion that will help us protect a man we're in need of."

But it didn't help at all.

"You recommended, as you put it, that I brew an impossible potion that by all laws of my profession isn't supposed to exist. As far as I'm concerned my job description had something in it with teacher and Head of House, not risking my skin for your idiotic causes."

Albus positively grinned like a shark.

"It also doesn't list spy, professional liar and interrogator, yet you do all these things. You're doing the impossible already, just do it once more."

Groaning Severus slumped back in his chair, rubbing his forehead.

"And why, exactly?"

Carefully Albus put his palms on his desk. Next to them Remus recognized a folder he had seen before, seconds that were actually multiple years ago.

"Because we will need Remus Lupin for the order, and you know it. We can't afford to loose anyone."

Severus wasn't convinced in the slightest.

"Don't be ridiculous. We're talking about your sentimental Gryffndor tendencies here, and nothing more. Potter is dead, Black in Azkaban for a murder he didn't commit, and Pettigrew solidly on the side of the Dark Lord. All you want is to save the last one, the lost son, one more soul for your collection of broken pieces. And more: at least one of your golden boys has to do his job properly."

Somehow that train of thought had never occurred to Remus, and he turned to the Albus next to him, who looked not even remotely guilty and simply gestured towards his slightly younger self.

"You're not right, not completely. I want to save him for what he his - he has potential. We need a man with his courage and good heart."

Severus continued to rub his temples, as if he had a severe headache he couldn't chase away.

"Fine, be sentimental. But how do you gather I'll invent an impossible potion now? It would have taken at least years and years of research and testing."

Mercilessly Albus smiled on.

"You've got one. Maybe a bit more. Then we'll need it."

Stunned Severus dropped his hands.

"One year? Have you lost your mind? One bloody year? While teaching, stopping my students from getting killed and keeping my little sideline of Dark magic up and running?"

He almost yelled, then stopped himself and continued to rub his temples. Remus could practically see him think. But he also saw how the younger Albus enjoyed the situation.

"Well, yes, why not? If you think I want one of my golden boys, as you put it, to do their job it shouldn't come as a surprise to you that I want all of them to do their jobs."

Severus winced as if he had a toothache at being called one of Albus' golden boys, a name that in his mind seemed resolutely coined on Gryffindors only. Albus continued without caring.

"Whatever his job will be, yours is to make it possible. During your master exam Nicholas Flamel said you were brilliant, but rather screwed up. He was right on the latter instance for sure. Prove the first one to me. I'll facilitate your work whenever I can, but you're well aware of my limited time."

There was something rather unrelenting in the small speech, and the Severus in the chair kept on shaking his head, still pulling a face. Then he sank even deeper into his chair.

"Spare yourself the time, flattery won't help. I'm well aware of my capacity and its very limits, thank you very much."

Albus nodded gravely.

"Well, you usually react positively to flattery. Consider it a challenge. You're bored to death here."

It was a statement Severus didn't deny. Still he didn't look too happy. Then he sighed, closed his eyes for a moment and finally pulled himself rather ungracefully up from his chair to his full height. Folding his arms he stared directly at Albus.

"I'll need time for research."

Albus nodded.

"I can take over some of your classes. I haven't taught Potions in a while, it will be a good change."

Tapping his fingers on the back of the chair he sat on just seconds ago Severus nodded.

"A laboratory. A safe one, where accidents can happen."

Now obviously satisfied with the direction their conversation took Albus nodded again.

"Use my house. Keys will be provided soon."

The tapping of Severus fingers on the chair intensified.

"My final condition is uttermost secrecy. Not even the order can be privy to the work, and especially not Lupin himself. The Dark Lord has always tried to lure the Werewolves in, and the potion would be helpful for his endeavour. It must remain hidden that you intend to use it if I want to rebuild and retain my cover, and, as lachrymose it sounds, stay alive."

His voice had a tone of urgency that made clear that he very much meant what he said. Albus, now looking serious, agreed.

"Of course. I will personally guarantee this to you."

Once more Severus rubbed his temples, then sighed and made moves to leave.

"I will see what I can do. But don't blame me for any classes that will be cancelled because I accidentally blew something up. Or myself. Or the bloody entire castle."

Obviously working hard to keep his face stern Albus nodded.

"Duly noted. And now get to work."

Growling something underneath his breath Severus turned around on his heel, and in a wave of billowing black fabric stalked over to the door. It opened noiselessly, but fell shut with a lot more force then necessary.

Next to Remus the proper Albus smiled broadly.

"You know how he can be. He came around eventually, but it took time. Developing a potion isn't a job to be taken easy, and the Wolfsbane project was a lot of work. But now - let's take a look at the one memory Severus actually gave me himself."

Everything blurred again, and suddenly they stood in the very lab in Hogwarts Remus had been working in for the past weeks. It was a bright day, the sun was shining outside, and the lab was obviously prepared for work. Through the windows Remus saw the tree tops of the Forbidden Forest covered in a white blanket of snow, and the light inside the laboratory was besides its strength cold.

Severus stood in front of one of the working tables, dressed in an unusual tidy looking lab robe, calmly working with a large knife. A pile of Aconitum tubers lay in front of him, already meticulously peeled, and he was in the process of cutting them into razor-thin slices with astonishing precision. He worked with calm determination, not looking up once.

It had been strange to see him like this earlier on, but the distance between the events and their current present had soothed the feeling of strangeness. But now Remus felt like an intruder for the first time - maybe because he had spent time in this very lab and it felt familiar to be here with a Severus he knew was unconscious not far away from the lab in the Hospital Wing.

He turned to Albus to voice his feelings, but Albus stared straight ahead and in his face Remus could read a similar train of thought. Silently he turned back again and continued to watch the process of brewing Wolfsbane. He observed the preparation of ingredients, cutting techniques he was familiar with, vials he had never seen before and then finally how Severus lit the fire under the first of two cauldrons sitting on the desk without as much as a wave of his hand.

And then suddenly Remus felt as if he had blinked too slowly - how was that even possible? - and the scenery had changed. Instead of one cauldron there were two on the fires, both filled with a liquid substance and being stirred by two spoons turning in exactly measured circles inside the concoction.

"Don't be surprised, I sped the process up. It would take too long, and I need to review it once more anyway. Now I want to focus on one of the most crucial stages that have me worrying a bit."

Albus' slightly concerned voice made Remus focus more intensely on the situation before him. The two cauldrons were on sturdy tripods over strong fires, bubbling intensely. A third tripod, much larger, was in the middle between both smaller cauldrons, and Severus had just lit another fire and produced a much larger cauldron. From a large vial he counted an exact number of drops of clear liquid into the cauldron and proceeded to turn the vessel around, so that its insides would be coated with the liquid. Albus next to Remus commented helpfully.

"Nihilio. The cauldron will go onto the fire and needs to be heated up quickly. Without the Nihilio as buffer element the metal could explode, and flying cauldron pieces are sharp as shrapnel. But you've noticed the scars on Severus already, so you know."

Of course Remus had. They were difficult to overlook once the illusion charm had fallen. But somehow he hadn't completely thought this through, and flying pieces of hot metal suddenly didn't sound very tempting.

"And does that happen often? Has somebody killed themselves yet?"

Severus, in the meantime, put the third cauldron on the fire and watched it closely.

"There are a lot of accidents, for sure. I remember a tragic occurrence in Cambridge a few decades ago. Ask Severus, he knows such things. Or Andreas Libavius, he was famous for his accidents in his first years at St. Aurelius. There's a story about a grey substance that exploded and ate through the walls, hilarious and absolutely dangerous. If I remember correctly it was a drunken project of both of them. It got at least Libavius nearly expelled. I still remember his tearful apology to the board of St. Aurelius."

Somehow Remus could imagine that. And hadn't Severus himself admitted to rather insane experiments in their first years? He'd have to ask, one day. But for now the memory provided more than enough spectacle to keep Remus concentrated.

Severus had taken a glass jar from the table filled with another clear liquid that, if Remus was correct, was the Hyle in the appropriate stage. At the same moment the Nihilio in the large cauldron started to sizzle, and the metal turned a frightening shade of soft orange indicating the amount of heat it had already absorbed. Without any visible impulse the fire underneath the two smaller cauldrons died. With a precise but bold movement Severus tipped the Hyle into the heated cauldron, and at the same time dissolved the spell that kept the substance from reacting. The Hyle hit the hot metal with a high wheezing sound that made Remus wince, and immediately reacted to the heat and material of the cauldron. Smoke started to rise to the ceiling

It was already more than obvious why a working potionsmaster needed to perform wandless magic, but if Remus had needed one final reminder he got it. As if guided by an invisible hand the two smaller cauldrons simultaneously lifted themselves from their tripods, hovered in mid air above the larger cauldron and stopped there. Remus was impressed. To control the fire underneath the larger cauldron, carefully observe the sizzling Hyle and control both cauldrons without blinking required a fair share of control and magical ability. Of course there was no space for wand waving, as Severus called it. There wasn't even space to think, if Remus guessed correctly.

Only then he realized that Albus was counting the seconds next to him.

"Fourtysix, fourtyseven, fourtyeight - "

But nothing happened. The Hyle continued to boil and sizzle, but the heat underneath the large cauldron was so massive that the metal slowly turned into an angry red shade. The smoke grew thicker, and Remus was for once glad that memories did not transmit smell or heat. He had no idea how Severus could remain perfectly calm staring straight at a cauldron that looked as if it would explode any second.

" - fiftyfour, fiftyfive - now."

And at that exact moment both of the smaller cauldrons tipped over, emptying their content into the almost burning larger cauldron. The already cooled liquids hit the hot metal with a loud high pitched sound, mixed with Hyle and produced a thick smoke so dense that Remus for a moment couldn't see a thing. But he could imagine the heat, and from the density of the smoke it was obvious that it wasn't quite amusing to stand within it for longer.

But the ventilation in the lab worked perfectly, and not even a minute later the smoke was gone. It revealed the peacefully bubbling large cauldron, the potion the exact correct colour of Wolfesbane. Severus stood in front of the cauldron, looking about as excited as if he were simply cooking pea soup for that day's dinner.

Albus exhaled and nodded.

"That, Remus, is going to be our problem. The timing has to be absolutely perfect, there is no margin for error here. All liquids need to have the exact perfect temperature, the big cauldron can't be too hot nor too cool, and the combination - you probably didn't notice it, but both liquids need to mix in the air while the cauldrons tip over, so they combine while falling down, cooling on their way, and hitting the Hyle being already one mixture. One mistake and, well, flying hot metal. It will blow up."

Staring at the apparently completely unfazed Severus Remus wasn't too sure if he really was capable of doing that.

"Did that ever happen? During the testing stages?"

Albus shrugged.

"Well, he said he went through a few cauldrons, but at this moment - no. He'd be dead, especially since I know he trusts in his skill and never works with security measures you theoretically could implant. But then Hyle doesn't take well to magical potencies in its environment so I'm not sure if at that stage of the process any other spells could be added to the room anyways."

That wasn't quite what Remus had wanted to hear.

"You see, I don't intend to kill myself with that."

Albus smiled. "Splendid! Me neither."

Than Remus had the feeling of blinking too slow once more, and the scenery changed.

"Let's watch the process of testing."

Apparently it was a different day, but in the same laboratory and with the large cauldron on the working table. The sun outside the window was all but gone, and Severus wore what looked like his formal teaching attire minus the billowing overcloaks.

"The potion sat cooling for a day, and now needs to be examined. I want to see what reaction exactly is necessary."

Carefully Severus took a wooden ladle and transferred a small amount of the potion into each of three waiting glass jars. Two vials were next to the cauldron on the table. Out of the first one three drops of a green liquid went into the first jar, and with a soft whizzing sound the potion turned bright red. Satisfied Severus returned the jar to the table and the cork to the vial. The next vial contained a deep red liquid that looked strangely like blood. Three drops went into the second jar, and with a sudden bang a small amount of black smoke drifted to the ceiling. 

"Looked like blood."

To Remus' surprise Albus nodded.

"It is. Your blood, to be exact. You remember giving Poppy a rather large sample just before you started here?"

Remus did remember. He also remembered that he had never asked for an explanation. He was used to being poked and prodded by now, after spending many years as a child in hospitals, always with his mother who was so desperate to find help for him. But with all of the specialists they saw none ever could provide the help she was looking for. Who would have thought that this last sample had led to something, after all? It wasn't quite a cure, but enough of a saving grace to turn Remus' complete life upside down. For the better.

But while Remus was thinking Severus performed the last test. Producing a small silver ball from his pocket he took a step back, and dropped it into the liquid. Immediately he hastened a few more steps back, not wasting seconds. The potion started to bubble and hiss, and to Remus surprise and delight the silver ball came suddenly flying out of the glass jar as if the potion had spit it out. It flew high, hit the ceiling and then fell to the floor where it bounced a few times and then rolled under the desk. Severus made a motion to catch it, but he was far too slow. Sighing he held his open hand in the rough direction where the ball had vanished and it came obediently flying into his palm. It went directly back into his the pocket of his waistcoat.

Now clearly content with everything Severus walked back to the table, and started to fill the potion into the prepared vials. Remus turned around and tried to comment on the use of silver, but before he opened his mouth he suddenly became aware of the fact that the tip of his nose felt cold. And wet. And that his back and neck were bent in a rather unorthopaedic shape, and felt rather sore.

With a jolt he sat up and blinked rapidly. He was in Albus' office once more, and the pain in his neck and back was enough to ensure him that this was indeed reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Werewolf Act of Conduct is from 1637, not from 1639. But I guess that Severus is allowed to forget things sometimes..


	19. Waiting for everything to go wrong

Rubbing his sore neck Remus sat up straighter and carefully stretched his legs. Next to him Albus mirrored his movements, sitting in an extra chair he had pulled up from next to the desk. It didn't take long for both to stand up and walk a few steps, and just minutes later they were seated again in their regular positions - Albus behind the desk, Remus in a visitor's chair before. The very same chair he had just seen in one of the memories, occupied by the very annoyed Severus. They had spent much more time in the memory than Remus had expected, and outside the windows the sun was all but gone.

It was a strange thing to see places and people in the pensieve. Time seemed to flow differently inside the swirling fog, that much was for sure. Yawning Remus realized his tiredness.

"It's such a confusing thing, a Pensieve."

Albus nodded, and without any announcement a houseelf suddenly appeared inside the room. He took Albus' order for tea and sandwiches and was gone again immediately, reminding Remus slightly of the strong dislike the potionsmaster Basilius Valentinus had shown for the creatures.

"Yes, Remus, it is. And a dangerous thing. We look at people that are long dead sometimes, and in our memories they are alive and well. It is tempting to stay, to never return to a reality much harsher than we think we can bear. Such is the nature of people, I believe. But the pensive isn't a wildly known object, and it's use has been forgotten by most. It's better if it remains that way."

Nodding Remus stretched his legs and crossed them at the ankles.

"I can imagine. How does it work, giving up a memory? You said the last one we saw came from Severus."

The houseelf reappeared, loaded with a tray that he handed over to Albus. Then the helpful creature was gone again, and Albus started to arrange the tea set and pushed the plate with sandwiches in Remus' general direction while keeping the smaller selection of biscuits next to the teapot.

"Take one, it's been a long day, and we've got many more of them to come."

Grateful Remus reached over and picked a sandwich with cream cheese and cucumber.

"It's not difficult, distilling memories, but it takes a fair share of concentration. Almost everybody can do with a bit of practise. It's a process that belongs into the realm of focusing and organising one's own mind, a bit like Occlumency and Legilimency. But it's nothing that can be forced. Giving up memories can only ever be a voluntary act."

He would never get away from the various shades of mind magic, it seemed. 

"And how many wizards have a Pensieve?"

Albus' hand hovered over the plate, apparently undecided whether to take a cucumber sandwich or a tuna one.

"Oh, not many. They are very rare. Personally I only know two wizards who own one."

Finally deciding he picked up a tuna sandwich and after looking at it for a moment took a bite he obviously enjoyed.

"Does Severus have one?"

Still chewing Albus shook his head.

"None in his possession. He uses mine, though. I introduced him to the concept soon after he started working for me, it was useful in a variety of ways. Especially seeing he's dealing with things that are easier stored outside the mind long-term. But in the end it's not a solution forever. We all have to deal with what we do. Transferring our sins to vials won't help us in the end."

Done with his tuna sandwich he picked up a cucumber one while Remus filled his tea cup once more. It seemed tempting, simply pouring one's wrongdoings into bottles and shelf them somewhere. It would certainly help to lift the weight off one's mind, but in the end the bottles and vials would still remain, physical reminders of the finality of some of our decisions.

"If we just had the choice to not commit those sins from the very beginning."

He thought of all the things he had done, being a wolf, a raging monster filled with bloodlust and the need to hunt, to track down, to kill. What was choice, anyway? He shuddered, and concentrated on his Earl Grey.

"What a wise thing to say, Remus."

Remus felt slightly embarrassed at the compliment. Being wise wasn't quite on his list of things he wanted to be, and it wasn't going to help them in their current situation. Trying a smile he put down the cup again.

"Not really. But that aside - I do have a few questions. Do you mind if I ask?"

Shaking his head Albus picked up another sandwich, gesturing for Remus to secure the last one on his own plate.

"Great. Did I understand correctly that you basically ordered Severus to brew Wolfsbane? What made you think it would work?"

Holding up a hand until he had finished the sandwich Albus finally shook the last crumbs out of his beard and picked up his own tea cup.

"I thought you would ask some day. Well. I have to admit that it was a thing I've had in the back of mind for a very long time. But healing potions aren't my field of expertise. I thought about the potion for strategic reasons at first, as you can probably imagine. When I made some inquiries I realized that someone had been there before, and it didn't take me long to realise who it was."

He refilled his cup carefully and did the same with Remus'.

"You see, some potions always bring up questions. Wolfsbane is a political problem, next to being terribly difficult from an alchemists' point of view. At that time I was already remotely sure that Severus was working for Riddle, and I had to know whether he was trying to brew it or not. And if yes, if it was his own idea or if Tom had ordered him to do so. After my visit with Basilius I knew that he wasn't going to pursue the potion further for the time being, but I also knew that he had toyed with the idea at some point. But the incident with the Wolfsbane also taught me that maybe Severus wasn't the mindless agent for the darkness I thought he was - that he had his own agenda and was more than willing to operate beyond what the Death Eaters considered their goal. And that he might actually be smart or stupid enough to try and outwit Tom, if it came to be necessary. I decided to keep an eye on him afterwards, and look where we are now."

Remus nodded, and picked one of the ginger biscuits from the small plate.

"How did you know that Severus worked for Voldemort? Was it that obvious?"

For an instant Albus just looked at Remus calmly, obviously thinking through his answer. Finally he carefully rearranged his cup in his saucer and after glancing at the biscuit plate decided on a piece of shortbread.

"Have you ever met Severus' father?"

Remus hadn't. He couldn't even remember seeing anybody remotely qualifying as Severus' family. Combing through his memories carefully he thought back about their graduation day. It was the only day that a students' parents came to Hogwarts, and nothing was stranger than seeing one's friends with a family that had been absent from the picture for the past seven years. He remembered James' cheerful mother, and Sirius' intimidating father. But for most others there was no image in his mind. So he shook his head.

"It would have surprised me if you had. He was a reserved man, very cold in behaviour, a powerful wizard. Persistent rumour had it that he was one of the first followers Tom ever had, together with a small circle of Pureblood fetishists. What I do know is that he died under interesting circumstances. The official story was that it was an accident. In reality he was killed in a fight by Aurors. It had been a trap - somebody had tipped the Ministry off on Death Eater activities. He was the first prominent Death Eater to die for the cause, though of course everything was kept very much under cover."

From the way Albus looked at Remus it seemed that he somehow wanted to tell him something else, another story hidden beneath the first one. But Remus couldn't grasp the loose end to unravel it.

"Who gave the Ministry the tip? Were there spies amongst Voldemort's ranks even at that time?"

Shrugging Albus leant back.

"Nobody knows. It was all kept under tight wraps. Apparently it was someone who had unusual insider knowledge. A rouge Death Eater? Someone in Tom's ranks who didn't agree?"

For a moment he looked pensive.

"I asked Severus, once, and he said he didn't know."

The layers of meaning were multiple, and the made Remus head swim. But he pushed aside the questions, and busied himself with his teacup once more. The moment gone Albus smiled again.

"But that is the past, and we should let it rest. Let's look ahead and focus on the task at hand. I will study the notebooks on Wolfesbane tonight, and then we will discuss them tomorrow. If I remember correctly we need to brew the day after tomorrow. Then the potion has another day to cool, and you can take it just in time for the full moon. If we are successful, that is."

The tight schedule made Remus take a deep breath. Albus brushed the crumbs off his fingers and reached over for the notebooks he still kept on his desk. Picking up the smallest one he flipped through it.

"Do you think we really have a chance?"

With the memory freshly impressed on his mind Remus wasn't too sure. It had looked complicated, after all. But Albus patted the small notebook lovingly.

"With that and the memory, yes. Don't forget we're two wizards to do the work, and four eyes see a lot more than two. I will study the notebooks closely tonight, but with this - " he tapped the leather binding again - "our chances are high."

Remus leaned forward to have a better look at the notebook.

"Yes, it will be helpful. It's almost like a manual."

A sad smile glided over Albus' face.

"It is. This is a perfect example for what we call a full working formula. It's the classical type of writing used to describe a potion, to make sure it can be reproduced by any trained master, but also to officially declare it as ones' own. They take a long time to write, if done correctly. There are two reasons to write them: either to claim a potion a master has invented and perfect as his or her own, or to apply for a chair at a college with the working formula as proof of qualification, amongst a few other things."

Immediately the golden sandstone of St. Aurelius rose in front of Remus' inner eye, and he understood exactly what Albus meant. And hadn't Andreas Libavius said something to the same extent? That there was a chair that would soon be free, and that Severus would be qualified to at least apply?

"So if Severus could do it - all he needed to do would be to send in that book? Would he have a chance?"

Amusement crept into Albus' face.

"Oh yes, of course. Nobody would deny that he's currently one of the best in his field."

But he grew more serious immediately.

"But you forget that there are a few external factors coming into play, too. Like this, now, in this time and age, it will not happen. Not with Wolfsbane."

Remus felt instantly guilty, and Albus saw it.

"No, don't even think of it. The potion was developed to benefit you, not to further Severus' career. If he ever had one, that is. And the fact that he doesn't is very much his own fault. He dug his own grave, with ferocity and dedication, and now he has to think about what he could do with a hole six foot deep and long enough to fit a tall man."

There was truth in Albus' words, but his tone left a bitter taste in Remus' mouth. The Wolfsbane wasn't his potion, and he didn't see why Severus shouldn't profit from his work, especially since Remus had already profited so much from it. But it was obvious that Albus had a firm opinion on whose fault it was that Severus had ended up right where he was, and he wasn't going to accept excuses or explanations. And of course Remus agreed, somehow, but where was all that talk about second chances now?

Albus realised that Remus was about to be lost in his thoughts and did his best to call him back into reality.

"Don't worry about these things, Remus, and especially don't worry about Severus. He has always found a way out of his own grave until now."

Then he pushed the notebook into Remus' direction, and together they went over the formula and decided on sharing tasks for the next day. Albus was to review the memory once more, and identify other perilous moments with the help of the Pensieve and the third notebook. Then he would check on the ingredients and, with Remus' help, prepare the lab. Remus was supposed to function as his assistant, and in the process had to cut and prepare ingredients. Beyond that he was tasked with reading the second book, the one with literature excerpts, and try to see if there was anything that could benefit them. The first book was also to go into his care, although both agreed that it wouldn't be useful to their endeavour.

With this decided Remus drank a final cup of tea and took his leave.

There was nothing to do now but to make sure he would be able to perform his job properly, and to show that he had indeed learnt something. Following this logic he returned to his desk, and hours later fell asleep bent over the half-destroyed book Severus had given him weeks ago.

The next day came sooner than Remus felt it necessary. After having woken long past midnight with a terribly sore neck he had managed to manoeuvre his half-asleep body into his bed. But with the first sunlight he was up again, showered quickly, and returned to his books.

By noon they stopped making sense and he moved to the table in the orchard. Lunch had been a scattered event, with various groups appearing and eating before leaving again to their tasks. Sirius strolled by the table long after Remus' plate had been taken away by an houseelf, sat down and enjoyed a rather large serving of pasta. Working all day with Hagrid did him good. The soft tan he already had acquired was more intense now, and even with the chaos that was his hair and the sweat in his work clothes he looked alive and content.

With a fork filled with farfalle and zucchini he gestured into the general direction of Remus' opened book.

"Told you you'd be successful, right?"

Nodding Remus turned a page and marked a specific cutting instruction with pencil.

"Yes, but it took a bit. And it's a hideously difficult thing."

The fork vanished into Sirius' mouth. Chewing he inched closer to Remus and looked over his shoulders.

"What's that?"

His free finger tapped on the page, and before he knew what had happened Remus launched into a lecture on the correct chopping of certain roots. But Sirius had a plate of pasta to demolish and didn't interrupt. He patiently waited until Remus had said everything he knew, and then nodded.

"So you did learn something, after all. How can you even remember all of that?"

Surprised Remus looked up, just in time to see Sirius push his empty plate away.

"What do you mean? I learnt it, I just know it now."

Grinning Sirius got up and collected the carafe with fresh lemonade from the other end of the table where Minerva had left it. A cooling spell kept the liquid in just the right temperature, and a lazy wave of Sirius' wand added more ice to his glass.

"And what makes you think you can't do it tomorrow? Because I practically see the doubt in your face, don't even try to deny it."

Sighing Remus tapped on the book again, and then gestured towards the first two notebooks, which he had brought down to the table with him.

"Well, have a look at that and you know what I mean."

WIthout hesitating Sirius reached out and got hold of the first notebook. He pulled it towards him, and flipped it open. With hidden glee Remus watched him, expecting to see confusion in his face very soon.

But it didn't happen. Flipping through the pages Sirius seemed to read a line here and another there, and when he finally closed the book he simply shrugged.

"I don't even think the process is so complicated. This thing is simply chaotic, and not really helpful. What makes you think you can't do it? Because you can't understand this mess of a thought collection? There's nothing in there you will need, I'd say."

Remus needed a moment to rearrange his jaw to prevent him from staring at Sirius with a very unflattering open mouth.

"Are telling me you can read this disaster of a handwriting?"

He flipped the book open himself to check whether Severus' ghastly script had turned into something more easier to read. But on the pages everything still looked the same, roughly resembling the outcome of two crows fighting over a quill.

"Well, it's not that difficult. I don't understand all those abbreviations and half of the languages, of course, but the writing isn't even that bad."

Looking up Remus tried to suss out whether Sirius was mocking him. But he seemed honest.

"You can read that? How is that - I mean, I can't decipher anything."

Sirius' facial expression clearly betrayed that he thought Remus a bit feeble minded at this point. Pulling the book back to him he opened it somewhere, and started to read aloud. Remus listened, fascinated. It seemed genuine, especially when Sirius arrived at a certain stage of the experiment he could have hardly made up.

Triumphant over his proof of skill he pushed the notebook back towards Remus.

"Really, Moony, you look at me as if I had two heads. It's not that bad. Remigius' handwriting was much worse."

Gulping down whatever he had intended to say Remus immediately enlisted Sirius' help for the evening. The contract was sealed, Sirius hurried off to work a few more hours with Hagrid, and Remus returned to his books.

Evening fell much sooner than Remus had anticipated. The preparation took its toll, and he was exhausted by the time Sirius returned from the forest. Dinner passed quickly, and afterwards Albus kept Remus back for a quick discussion on his findings in the laboratory. In the end they agreed to meet the next morning in Severus' private lab to undertake their experiment.

Finally Sirius and Remus turned Remus' own living room into their working space, and with Sirius' help Remus deciphered more paragraphs in the notebook and took notes.

It was almost midnight when they were done. With an exhausted yawn Sirius closed the notebook and let it drop onto the sofa next to him. Taking a sip from his wine glass he looked at Remus.

"I think you can do it."

Frustrated Remus pushed his own notebooks away and stretched his legs.

"I'm not sure. It is complicated, and what we saw in the memory was downright frightening. The hovering cauldrons, the perfect timing. There's just so much that can go wrong."

Putting down his now empty glass Sirius shrugged.

"There's always so much that can go wrong. You won't know if you don't try."

Now it was Remus turn to yawn, and he had to be careful to not dislocate his jaw.

"Why don't you put that on a fridge magnet? I know, of course. But that doesn't make it less scary. And I can't even perform wandless magic."

That particular thought had been boiling inside him for a while now. After seeing the memory and the way wandless magic was indispensable to what they were going to undertake - it didn't help with Remus' feelings of being inadequate to the task. The obvious solution was that Albus would perform any step in the brewing process that required wandless magic, and Remus of course knew that he had nothing to worry about with the headmaster by his side. But still it gnawed on Remus mind. And his pride.

"Well, I can't either, if that helps. Not that I care. I don't know anyone who uses it. Beyond Minerva and Albus. Poppy doesn't."

Nor did Pomona Sprout, at least not with the easy flourish with which Minerva commanded over her powers.

"Severus does."

But even that didn't faze Sirius.

"He also kisses His-who-is-a-cockmuppet's boots, and I don't want to do that either."

It was the classical argument, and of course Remus knew. But it didn't help with his fear.

Yawning again, this time long and with a satisfactory stretch of his jaw Sirius pulled himself upright from the sofa.

"I'm off to bed, it's been a long day. Work with Hagrid always gets to you in the end. A free workout! Anyways, best of luck for tomorrow. Sleep well!"

Pulling a face Remus remained seated.

"I won't sleep a wink, I feel miserable already."

Stretching his neck muscles Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Then you'll have enough time to write a good will and leave everything to your dog. At least somebody will benefit from the whole scenario this way."

Then he hurried to hide from the pillow Remus' threw at his head, and left the room just in time to avoid the book that followed the soft projectile. With a crash the small notebook hit the wall and fell to the ground.

Sighing Remus got up and collected the innocent hardcover from the carpet. It hadn't been the books' fault, after all. Nor Sirius', if he was honest. But who liked to blame himself?

Standing in the middle of his room he realized that he was tired, but not very likely to find sleep. Wandering the castle for a few more minutes seemed like the obvious solution. Visiting the Hospital Wing the second best. 

The private room was empty besides the one bed and a circle of light falling from the reading lamp Poppy used. Apparently she hadn't given up her vigil. Stepping closer to the bed Remus took his time to examine the room's sole occupant. But nothing had changed. Severus remained unmoving and silent, his unguarded face and closed eyes betraying nothing of what might be going on in his mind. The Healing Sleep was still in full force, and only the regular rise and fall of his chest betrayed that he was alive at all.

Rubbing his own forehead Remus looked down at him. So, how did it work? How did all the trial and error work, the part where nothing made sense and still giving up was not an option? Who in their right mind strived on challenges that included doing what people thought was impossible? 

And how did one deceive half the wizarding world?

"So, really, how the hell did you do that?"

His own voice seemed loud in the entirely silent room. It felt strange to utter his thoughts out loud, but Remus had used the method time and again to sort through issues that had seemed insolvable in his mind, finding that placing them into space just by saying them aloud made them suddenly seem much more attackable. And Severus was unlikely to answer, complain or tell anyone what Remus had said. And wasn't talking supposed to be useful in the healing process as well? His monologue would serve two purposes at once, then. And if if didn't work he could really try that meditation thing, maybe.

"I mean, how did you come up with that horrible potion? Was that all your ego and Albus' order?"

Entangled in his own thoughts Remus started to pace the room, feeling more and more comfortable with every word in his ranting.

"You'd kick us if you were awake. Or hex us straight to the next acceptable planet. Like Pluto. Which isn't even a planet anymore, and thus probably - whatever."

Crossing his arms in front of his chest Remus continued his pacing.

"So, really, how do you do it? Every single month? I couldn't. It looks draining, just from watching. I don't know if we can do it tomorrow, if I'm honest. And it's two of us."

He swung around, moving with more momentum.

"But then I have to say - it did look impressive. Having the cauldrons hoover there, and keeping the fire just right, and than that damned bloody heated large cauldron. And then everything just comes together, just perfectly - this one moment, and then everything is in that thick smoke that probably is hot and almost painful on the skin but then everything clears again and it's just perfect."

Now he had to use his hands to supplement his narrative, moving them to describe the hovering cauldrons and the rising smoke.

"But the hot cauldron, Merlin, that doesn't look funny to me. It's almost exploding, almost, just on the brink of a catastrophe. And you have to look at it and stare, and it's there, and if it explodes it will do so right into your face. Rip the whole lab apart, probably. Flying metal everywhere, like a bomb."

The vision of the horror flooded Remus' mind for a second, and he let his hands drop.

"What's that like, standing on the brink of catastrophe and waiting for it to happen?"

He turned to look a the bed, but his dialogue partner remained stoically silent. Remus continued his pacing.

"But then you're used to that by now, probably, with all that training. Probably blew up half a building at your pretty college. But I don't have that training, and what if it does go wrong? What if the catastrophe just happens, like this - "

He snapped his fingers to underline his point, and saw the small spark erupting from his fingers die away in the darkness of the room. Confused he stared at his own fingers, still feeling the energy from his pacing and the fear in his stomach rush through his body. He felt heat rising.

"What - what in the name of the bloody full moon - "

He snapped again, and the same spark vanished into the room. Holding his breath he tried it again, and the spark glowed for a moment longer. He closed his eyes, opened them again, and finally thought the incantation clearly in his head.

The small flame over his thumb was steady, hovering only slightly in the night breeze coming from the window.

Remus stared at if as if he were one of the first humans and had just met Prometheus.

He moved, and the flame was gone. Snapping his fingers again it reappeared. He tried it five more times and it worked without exception. Frantically he stared at his thumb and finally looked at the bed.

"By all - I did it! It works, it - "

He was interrupted by the light flooding into the room through the opened door.

"Remus? What are you doing? Oh, no, smoking is not allowed in the Hospital Wing! Shame on you, did you pick that habit up when you worked with Severus?"

She marched into the room and cast a stern look at the general direction of Remus' thumb.

"No, of course not, I mean - sorry. I wasn't smoking, but - Poppy, do you see that?"

He waved his hand in her direction, but she simply nodded and smiled the soft smile she kept reserved for especially anxious students.

"Lovely, my dear."

She sounded exactly like his mother after he had turned six and finally learnt to play Twinkle, twinkle little star on his recorder, which he then performed day in and day out, tyrannizing his entire family for weeks.

"No, really, look! I couldn't do that until now!"

She smiled again, nodded vaguely into his direction and waved her wand over Severus to take readings.

"Yes, Remus, well done. But Albus told me about your experiment tomorrow, and I think you should go to bed. I'll sit with Severus tonight, it's fine."

Disappointed Remus dropped his hand, causing the small flame to die away. Then he nodded.

"Of course, I'll leave. Thank you, Poppy."

She nodded again, and took her seat in the comfortable armchair. Remus wasn't out of the door when she called a good night in his direction.

"Sleep well, and don't blow up the castle tomorrow."

Opening the door he grinned back.

"I have no intention whatsoever to do that. Good night!"

Then he left, and it was only due to his extraordinary sense of hearing that he picked up on her sinking back into the chair, probably glaring at the sleeping Severus and muttering to herself.

"I swear, I will wake you up sooner if I find a way. They all go crazy here without you."

Then Remus was out of the Hospital Wing and marched down the corridor. On his way his snapped his fingers again and again, and the small flame vanished and reappeared if he only concentrated properly. His fingers tingled from the magic finding new ways though his veins and the shadows on the walls of the corridors he passed through danced in choreography with his fast paced walk.

Only a small part of him wondered when exactly he had fallen prey to delusions of grandeur. But it was silenced very soon by the part that finally knew something about wandless magic, enjoyed the new flow of power and felt very, very good.


	20. If you can't stand the heat

When Remus marched into the laboratory the next morning at nine o'clock sharp everything was already prepared. Two work benches were set up in the middle of the room, equipped with the necessary ingredients and tools to prepare them. Severus' desk was covered with writing material and pens, and in the middle of it the third notebook was opened on the page displaying the formula. Outside the sun was bright, lightning up the whole room. It wasn't warm yet, but it would be soon.

Just as Remus dropped his own books on the desk Albus entered the room from the door leading to the storage chamber. He carried a glass jar with an amber coloured liquid, and he was obviously in working mood. His beard and long hair were neatly braided and tied back, and his usual lavish robes were replaced by a lab coat hardly different from the one Remus wore - hadn't it been for the colour. Remus had never seen a bright purple lab coat before, but then Albus' taste in clothing had always been on the more extravagant side.

"Good morning, Remus. Perfectly on time, bravo. I took the liberty to prepare the lab before you came. Every potionmaster has his or her own storage system, and it would have been difficult to explain everything to you. Like this everything is tidy and we have one issue less over which we have to fear Severus' wrath."

That sounded plausible in Remus' ears.

"Good morning. But we will have to fear it?"

Albus arranged the jar with the others on the working bench devoted to the preparation of liquids.

"Oh yes, definitely. Nobody is amused when their lab is hijacked, and Severus is especially difficult. But let us worry about this when we have to, and focus on our work. Do you think you can perform your task alone?"

Minutes later they were both occupied. But even the work didn't keep Albus from chatting, with the exception of small stretches of silence when he was performing a slightly more complicated calculation. Remus needed a bit more concentration, slowly but carefully and as precisely as possible chopping up the ingredients accumulated on his table. Now and then he checked with his book and the formula, and returned to his work. Still he somehow managed to follow Albus' train of thought and here and there answer a question.

From time to time he offered his finished product to Albus for inspection, and always gained praise and a satisfied nod.

"I'm positively surprised, really. You show the exact right amount of accuracy needed."

It was the first time Remus received any open praise for his cutting, and he had to use a substantial amount of self-control to not grin.

"At least all that practise was good for something. For a while I thought I would never see a cauldron in this room."

Combining two liquids in a small cauldron and lighting a fire with a lazy wave of his hand Albus smiled.

"Understandably. But these basic techniques are vital for everything that follows later, and a good potionsmaster needs to be able to perform them asleep. Consider yourself lucky that Severus only gave you a speeded up version of the basic education and didn't cling to Basilius' teaching methods. I vividly recall Valentinus giving me a speech that any candidate shouldn't even touch a knife until month into the apprenticeship. Cleaning the lab, doing the washing - that's what an apprentice in Basilius' house did. And trust me, there's always so much washing up to do when working in a lab!"

Remus could imagine that, quite vividly. He had seen the fuss Severus made about keeping the lab clean, and of course had done some washing up himself, though his own lessons had decidedly focused on the proper work itself. But he could easily picture the younger Severus he had seen in the memory up to his neck in soap, scrubbing cauldrons and glass jars and vials for hours and hours on end.

"So I didn't really miss out on that, uh?"

Carefully Remus rearranged the tuber that had almost escaped from his cutting board.

"Truly not, though I've never heard Severus utter a word of complaint. After all he had decided to become Basilius' apprentice on his own accord. Even more, Basilius had been more than reluctant to take him in."

Observing the cauldron with concentration Albus stirred the softly boiling liquid. Only when he was sure that everything was in order he continued speaking.

"But looking back I can't imagine anyone else dealing with Severus as an apprentice. Basilius was a hard man, but brilliant and with a tongue like a dagger. He hated praise and smalltalk, any unnecessary conversation or, well, any conversation in general. He could turn into a real fury whenever something didn't go to his wishes, no matter whom he was talking to. I remember him yelling at me during a Guild meeting a few years ago in his long lost Byzantine dialect, and I didn't even know what he was talking about. He and Severus had the most picturesque fights, of course. In secret we always thought that finally Basilius got the candidate he deserved."

Adjusting the temperature slightly Albus sniffed the mixture and wrinkled his nose.

"But he also had a profound knowledge in the Dark Arts, more than any other alchemist I've ever encountered. Half the things he did were illegal, I believe. The Guild wasn't amused, but then nobody really dared to intervene. Of course after his death they said he had supped with the devil and then the devil came to get him. Poor Basilius, really."

Remus brushed the final slices of tuber into the bowl.

"The devil in question being Voldemort?"

He recalled their dinnertable conversation, a few weeks ago, the first time Remus had heard about Basilius Valentinus and his rather shocking fate. Now that he had even seen the man so alive in the memory it felt strange to talk about him again. It seemed to Remus almost as if he were an old acquaintance, even though he was long dead.

"Yes, but I told you before. Nobody knows why, actually. Of course we all have our own ideas. Every mystery breeds rumours, and the death of Basilius brought some turmoil with it."

Suddenly Remus remembered what Albus had told them about the potionmasters' death, how the house had been blown-up and nothing but a floating skull in the air remained.

"Did it have something to do with the Dark Arts, maybe?"

The roots yielded easily under Remus' knife, giving him more space to think than the Aconitum tubers had. Albus stopped stirring the potion and held a hand over the cauldron to cool the liquid.

"I always wondered about that, too. My personal theory is that Tom tried to enlist Basilius, and the old man refused to even consider the idea. So Tom made short shrift and just destroyed everything. It would fit and it's been one of my secret regrets that I won't ever know if Basilius lectured Tom the way I imagine he did. Shame, really. And I always felt sorry for the house."

For a second Remus remembered the remains of the Potter's home, a burnt down skeleton of a house reeking of death and desperation. Quickly he pushed the image aside again. There was no space for these things in his mind now. Chopping the roots into small pieces he tried to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"It was a large house, from what I saw in the memory." Then Remus remembered something he had meant to ask before, but had forgotten amidst the excitement over the Wolfsbane. "There was something else about the house, right? You said it liked Severus?"

Albus nodded, and allowed a large smile to spread over his face while his hands were filling the liquid from the cauldron into two glass jars.

"Oh yes, it did. I never explained that, if I recall correctly. Well, you see, Coldstream House - that's what it was called, Basilius' house - had been a place of residence for various potionsmaster and magical folks for hundreds of years. If a building absorbs that much magical energy it can become almost alive. Just like Hogwarts is alive Coldstream House was. But it was far more obvious for everyone. Here the staircases move, of course, but in Coldstream everything moved and vibrated and reacted towards it's inhabitants. And if the house didn't like you - it could be a nightmare."

Now that was something new. Of course Remus was aware of the fact that places and buildings could absorb magic, and that some of them took in so much of it that they suddenly became sentient themselves. Hogwarts Castle was the most prominent example in Britain, drenched in the magic of generations of students, wrapped into the protective spells the faculty members cast anew again and again. It must have been only a matter of time for the castle to developed it's own mind and ideas, and the moving staircases were only the most obvious signs.

But he had never heard of the castle not liking anyone. Or developing a special fondness for a certain student. It seemed, though, that exactly that had happened with Coldstream House. Remus remembered the old man's pained facial expression when he had confided to Albus that the house had taken a likening to his new apprentice. For a moment he wondered how these things became visible. Could a house purr? Or did it bark and wave it's ceiling or window shutters when someone came home who had been away for a while?

Involuntarily Remus grinned and almost cut his thumb.

"Be careful, Remus. But we should talk about other things than dead Alchemists, really. Working time is best spent with light-heartened stories, it makes the time pass by quickly."

Albus' cheerfulness sounded almost genuine.

"I would agree with you, of course. It's just - I've spent a few weeks working with Severus now, and I've known him for such a long time. But he's a real mystery to me, even after all these years."

For a moment Albus stilled his movements and regarded Remus with a glance he couldn't quite decipher. Then he continued his work.

"Ah, but he told you so much already. I am actually surprised how quickly you gained his trust."

The comment made Remus' head spin, and he stopped his chopping movements to stare at Albus with disbelief. Trust? He wasn't sure. Of course, they had talked, a bit, and Severus had told him small things here and there, but trust? One could kiss people without trusting them, that much was for sure, and he knew that Severus would agree with him, considering he had - but there Remus pulled his thoughts back with force.

And then he sincerely hoped that his ears didn't turn an unsightly shade of red a the thought of what had happened in this very laboratory not too long ago, and what would have happened if He-the-asshole-who-has-awful-timing hadn't decided to ruin the moment.

"Ah, I don't think so. I mean, I'm curious and can be rather stubborn, you see. Maybe I just asked often enough."

At least that was half of the truth. He had asked, too much maybe. But then their newfound relationship had been based on a rather curious incident as well. Wasn't there a saying that claimed that people who got high together stayed together? Well, maybe not, but it described what had happened quite nicely. But then he caught Albus glance, and suddenly Remus wondered whether Albus knew all of that - all that had happened in the Opium den, all that had happened inbetween, and that Remus sudden interest in Alchemy had less to do with Alchemy than with the Alchemist himself. Potionsmaster. Whatever.

Remus decidedly needed a topic less dangerous than that, in any case.

"Speaking of my curiosity - how did you get Severus to work with me? I wondered about that for a while now."

The inquisitive glance, bright blue eyes that could probably see straight through steel, softened.

"It wasn't easy, if that is what you mean. But I figured that it would be helpful for all of us. Mostly for you, of course. And then I happened to know that Severus loves sharing knowledge and had never had the chance to brag about the Wolfsbane. Teaching you could help you gain knowledge about the Wolfsbane and entertain Severus' ego for a while."

The shark-like grin Albus only rarely allowed to shine freely ghosted over his face, but was quickly gone again.

"And then I thought you would enjoy if I did this for you, considering your current interest in Alchemy."

The hit was entirely unexpected, and Remus nearly dropped his knife. Catching himself in the last minute he clicked his tongue at Albus, shook his head and started to tell a completely unrelated anecdote about an illegal underground London Sauna run by three Russian sisters he used to frequent in the early 1980s.

Time went by faster than Remus had anticipated and although the mountain of ingredients that needed to be dealt with seemed to loom high it suddenly was gone. Remus felt tired already. Even though he had reviewed all the necessary cutting techniques before he needed much more concentration than he had imagined. Working with the precision needed for the task took its toll. In the end Remus was glad for his trustworthy book and the fact that Albus seemed to be a true encyclopaedia when it came to information on ingredients and techniques. Remus was confident in his abilities, but even he had to admit that a few weeks of training could simply not match years of thorough instruction.

And then suddenly it was past noon, and they were done with the preparation. Carefully Remus pushed the last herb from his cutting board into the appropriate bowl and stretched his back. He still heard Severus' order to stand straight in his mind, but even with that constant reminder he had inevitably started to slouch at some point. Now his vertebrae protested loudly and painfully.

From his own table Albus signalled that he was done as well. Carefully putting the cork on a vial he placed it on the table and stretched himself. Then he glanced at the fruits of Remus' work.

"We've done a fine job here, I think. And it seems that you do have the patience and talent needed to this kind of work. Maybe you could pursue further training when this is over. If you're interested, that is."

Nodding Remus smiled, briefly wondering what exactly had to be over. This day? The war? As if he'd be alive then.

His bleak thoughts were interrupted by his growling stomach loudly complaining about the late hour and the lack of food. Grinning Albus patted his own stomach and nodded.

"I would agree. Let us have a quick lunch and then continue. Everything can stay waiting here for a short while. Shall we go to the orchard?"

Sitting in the shade of the trees their lunchbreak passed by quickly. From time to time somebody passed by the table, sometimes uttering loud surprise at them being still in one piece, and asking for a status-quo-report. Remus delivered it with a smile, and Albus repeated his benevolent evaluation of Remus' work.

But as soon as the dessert in shape of an overflowing fruit bowl appeared on the table Albus himself urged them on.

"I hate to pull you away from these glorious peaches - take one, they are splendid! - but we have to go back."

Remus agreed, and ate his peaches while walking back to the laboratory. The sunshine was beautiful, and the lunch had helped to rise his spirits. But the closer they came to the lab the more uncomfortable Remus felt. Everything so far had been prelude. Now it was time to see if they would really succeed.

Back in the laboratory they cleaned their hands with Nihilio, and Remus nodded along to Albus' speech about the danger of sugar for Wolfsbane. Then they shared the space in front of the desk and discussed the formula once more.

"Good. We'll need two smaller cauldrons, one for the liquid ingredients, the other for the brew made out of the herbs you cut. It seems smart that we both tend to one, and I'll have a look at yours from time to time. The liquids are much more difficult, and I'm convinced you can managed with the brew."

Remus could only agree with that, and soon enough his cauldron stood in front of him. A bit behind it a larger tripod waited on the table for the bigger cauldron they would need, later, for the most dangerous part. But Remus pushed the thought aside and used the soft tingle of fear in his stomach to channel energy and magic into his hands. With a flick of his hands and a clearly thought incantation he lit the fire under his tripod.

Looking up he stared into Albus' beaming face.

"I see working with Severus helps with other things as well. Congratulations, Remus, wandless magic is no easy feat to accomplish. Did you practise a lot?"  
The sense of pride slowly floated through Remus body like hot chocolate with rum on a winter day.

"It's silly, but I'm really happy about it. It took a few weeks, yes, and I only figured out how to do it last night."

Carefully he pushed the tripod into the correct position.

"Nonsense, you should be really happy. Not many wizards ever manage to perform what you just did."

Shrugging Remus measured the amount of Nihilio he needed to use as base for the brew.

"But half the faculty at Hogwarts does, though it took me a while to see who could. Is there a reason they only ever use their wands during term?"

That was something he had been wondering about for a while now. He remembered clearly how Minerva used her wand during term time to demonstrate spells, and for daily use of magic. Even Albus did, and the image of Severus shaking his wand out of his wide sleeves was probably deeply imprinted on any student in the past ten years.

"Yes, naturally. We teach the proper use of magic, and professional usage of wands is a big part of that. Our faculty serves as an example. It would also frustrate students easily if they thought they had to perform magic that way. But now let's concentrate on our cauldrons, shall we?"

Nodding Remus recalled the necessary steps, and got to work.

Quickly he remembered how much he had liked working with a cauldron and he regretted that he had never really gotten that far working with Severus. There was a certain beauty in dealing with fire and heat instead of chopping away on a cutting board for hours.

But then the brew took over all his concentration. The Nihilio boiled for a moment, and when it had reached the necessary density - Albus quickly weighted the whole cauldron with a complicated spell and confirmed Remus' on visual judgement based assumption - he dropped one parchment thin slice of Aconitum tuber after the other into the liquid. Fascinated he watched how every single one of them boiled for exact five seconds until it dissolved into the liquid.

"There's nothing but the thrill of something working as predicted."

Albus had thrown a quick glance into Remus' cauldron and watched his current assistants' fascination with amusement.

"Let's hope it continues like this."

And it did. Silent and with sharp focus they continued working side by side. There was no more time for idle talk. Under his breath Remus counted seconds, weighted ingredients once more just to be sure, checked and double checked the temperature in the brew and finally controlled the perfectly timed rotation of the wooden spoon stirring the liquid. It didn't even bother him that he had to use his wand for that.

Next to him Albus omitted the same air of concentration, although he worked with routine and visibly more relaxed. But when both of their cauldrons reached the state they had to be in before the Hyle came into play he sighed with visible relief.

"I'm out of practise, really. It's been a while."

Remus wiped sweat from his forehead. With both cauldrons over a full fire and the heat from outside the lab had turned into a veritable sauna. The tension around the brewing process didn't help in the slightest. And they hadn't even started to work with the Hyle.

But exactly that appeared on the table now, and from a table behind them Albus pulled the large cauldron. Remus watched him with growing concern. There was no fire under the large tripod yet.

"I sterilised the cauldron last night. A rather pointless security measure, but I wanted to be sure. Let's see what we have here."

Examining the Hyle he turned the glass jar against the light.

"As I thought. High-purity Hyle, quite a sight to behold. Andreas Libavius, am I right?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, we picked it up when we went to Oxford a while ago."

Albus turned the jar once more, looking at it with a fondness he usually bestowed on on people.

"A very capable master, our Libavius."

Putting the jar down Albus smiled as he caught Remus glance. "I can basically see your question. While I can't quite call Master Libavius my friend I've always had a soft spot for him. He came to St. Aurelius on a special scholarship designed to enable very bright wizards and witches from other countries to study there. How he ended up in a lab with Severus remains a mystery. We were all very surprised when they didn't kill each other. But it worked, and Libavius was good for Severus' ambition. He had never really had competition before, and then there was this poor, slightly ragged foreign genius. Gave him quite a run for his money."

Turning around Albus held out a hand and the large container with Nihilio came floating through the lab. Apparently not everybody took the no-magic-in-the-lab-rule as serious as Severus.

"It looked like they were friends. Has the competition subsided?"

The container landed on the table.

"Not at all, but yes, somehow they are friends. Nobody knows why. Libavius is a most admirable man, easy to like, loyal and generous. Whatever he sees in Severus, but he decided to get him and keep him, and what a Bohemian wants a Bohemian will get. Beautiful city, Prague."

Measuring the Nihilio into a smaller glass Albus stayed silent for a moment.

"But enough of that now, we should work. Hyle doesn't react well to sit around for longer. Although you should ask Libavius about the one time Severus duelled himself on his behalf. It's a wonderful story, and one of the few where Severus' militancy actually did something good. And Master Libavius is an excellent story-teller."

Before Remus could take note of that thought the fire underneath the large tripod suddenly blazed upwards.

"Now listen, Remus. First we will drip the cauldron with the Nihilio, meaning that we will coat its inside walls with the liquid. It will evaporate quickly, giving the cauldron time to heat up even more without bursting. Then we add the Hyle. It will boil, and the cauldron will absorb more heat. In the meantime the Hyle can react with heat, changing its own anatomic structure and that of the cauldron, but that's unimportant for you."

Taking a deep breath Remus nodded. He really had no space in his mind for atomic structures at the moment.

"Both smaller cauldrons need to rise simultaneously. You will control yours, I care for mine while observing the temperature inside the larger cauldron and the fire. I will count the seconds loud, and when I say 'now' and you hear the ping you tip over your cauldron using a simple spell. It's vitally important that both liquids combine in the air while falling down, reaching the perfect temperature. There will be a lot of smoke and a rather disgusting smell, but don't worry about that."

He glanced at the shorter formula he had placed next to him in a copied version.

"The temperature in your cauldron can never fall below fifty. I count the seconds from twentytwo until fiftyfive once. Then you levitate your cauldron until this very spot - "  
He pointed to a point right above the large cauldron, and a green dot appeared in the air.

"- and then I will count again. When I reach fiftyfive you tip over the cauldron. Did you understand that?"

Remus nodded, his wand at the ready.

"Good, because if there is a question ask it now. If we make a mistake this beast here will blow up."

The unpleasant feeling in Remus' stomach intensified. "What is it made out of?"

"Corroded steel, the sturdiest cauldron Severus has. It has to take a lot, with the high temperature and the impact of the potions. But if it blows up we are basically pincushions."

Taking a deep breath Remus added a bit of brazenness into his face. "Then let's not mess this up."

Nodding Albus checked the temperature of the fire. "That's true Gryffindor spirit."

With another movement he marked another green dot in the air, and started to add Nihilio to his cauldron. Remus extinguished the fire underneath his own brew, and carefully took the temperature. Albus already counted the seconds until the Hyle had to go into the large cauldron.

The steels slowly changed it's colour. Albus kept on counting. Remus' brew had almost the perfect temperature.

At fiftyfive Albus emptied the Hyle into the cauldron and dissolved the spell that had kept it inactive. Hitting the hot metal the liquid started to sizzle almost immediately. The smell was diabolic, seeping into Remus' sensitive nose immediately. The note of burnt metal didn't help, nor did the rising heat.

" - twentysix, twentyseven, twentyeight - " Calmly Albus counted down the seconds.

At thirtythree Remus checked the temperature again and lifted the small cauldron off its tripod and onto the bright green dot in the air. Albus' cauldron did just the same.

" - fourtyfive, fourtysix, fourtyseven - "

The large cauldron was now an angry shade of red, and a high whirring sound was audible. Had that happened in the memory they had seen as well? Sweating Remus gulped down air and took the temperature in his own cauldron.

50.5. Celsius. Hadn't Albus said fifty Celsius, and nothing more? Was that too much? Or just perfect? The whirring sound became louder and louder, and the vapour of the Hyle seemed to cloud Remus' eyes. The temperature, Merlin, what now -

" - fiftyfive - now!"

Without having time to think Remus reacted instantly, tipping his cauldron over with a flick of his wand, silently praying to whatever patron saint was available for stupid werewolves playing alchemists.

And then he saw nothing more. With a screeching sound loud enough to hurt his ears the hot cauldron reacted to the liquids hitting its walls, and the smoke rising up immediately was acidic. It burnt in his eyes like fire, clogging his nose and throat. He coughed, gasping for breath. The heat was unbearable, and his stomach rebelled painfully. The smell had been bad before, but it had taken a turn for the worse. It felt like hell.

But there were no shards of hot metal in his skin, and when the ventilation in the lab started to take effect the smoke was gone quickly. Within minutes the air in Remus' lungs was fresh, and his eyes stopped to water. The lab was clear again, and nothing pointed at the fact that only seconds before they had been in a suburb to the underworld itself.

Rubbing his eyes and still gasping for air Remus turned around to see Albus looking down at the large cauldron and the treacherously peaceful potion within it.

"Did - did it work?"

His voice was still a bit raw from the smoke and fumes. Albus looked up, his hand still outstretched over the cauldron.

"It would seem so. And we're alive! Well done, Remus."

Letting go of a breath he didn't remember holding in Remus sighed. "Fortuna favours fools, it seems. That smell was horrible."

Nodding Albus withdrew his hand from the cauldron and sorted through his beard with unhidden vanity, smoothing the curls the humidity had produced.

"Indeed. Somehow I don't remember this being so terrifying. Must be my age. But Hyle is just a beast to work with."

At least Remus now knew for sure that Wolfsbane tasted better than it smelt during its creation. Which was quite a feat to begin with.

Everything from there on was easy. The potion needed to boil for an hour, twentytwo minutes and fifteen seconds. Then Albus used a handy spell to freeze it, and residue of energy inside the potion melted the ice within seconds, thus brining it to room temperature and releasing its full magical potency. Then the whole thing had to sit for a day and calm down, as Albus put it, in a vacuum.

The final steps Albus performed alone. Feeling suddenly queasy and unstable Remus sat on one of the desks, concentrated on breathing properly and willing his head to stop spinning.

Albus understood, and did most of the cleaning on his own. When he was done he offered Remus an arm to help him stand up, and Remus wasn't ashamed to take it.

"Apologies, Albus - I don't know what happened. The smell, maybe."

He was angry at himself for the sudden weakness, but Albus only shook his head, waited until Remus could stand on his own and walked over to the single bookshelf in the room. There he collected a vial, and brought it over.

"I knew Severus would have it on stock. Drink this, it will help."

Without questioning the offering Remus took the vial and downed the tasteless dark red liquid. He felt better almost immediately.

"Thank you. So it was the smell?"

The empty vial vanished into Albus' lab robe.

"No. We spent all day working with the potion. You didn't notice it while it happened, but Hyle-based potions function like a sponge. They take up energy inside a room and add it to their own potency. You worked next to the cauldron, and your magic was added to that as well."

Somehow Remus felt glad that he hadn't fainted form the smell like a 19th-century damsel in distress. A vampiric ingredient just sounded much more fitting for his heroic tale.

"So the Hyle sucked me dry?"

With a wry grin Albus nodded.

"Please propose this description to Severus, but do it while I'm there. I want to see his face. Let's go outside. We're just in time for dinner."

And to Remus surprise they were. It had felt like hours and hours, but in fact they had only worked the afternoon into the early evening. Working together had saved them a lot of time, and Remus could only imagine how difficult it was to perform the brewing process alone. And to do it month after month, at night or on the weekend, while being exhausted or tired and simply not concentrated - what a task. Suddenly Remus felt guilty for complaining about the taste or colour of the potion, even if it had all been done in good humour.

Down in the orchard they were celebrated like returning war heroes.

"Wonderful, you are alive!"

Minerva patted Albus' shoulder with unhidden fondness on her face. Poppy, seated next to her, raised her glass with the fruity remains of an aperitif inside.

"Lucky me, I already feared I'd have to patch you up again. And I already fed all my Sekele-Gro to Severus, so there's nothing left for you."

Sitting down Albus reached for one of the glasses with alcohol and fruit.

"Aren't his bones healing properly?"

Shrugging Poppy clicked her glass against his.

"Oh yes, they are, but some are broken in more than one place. How can a man have a collarbone broken twice? I'll have to ask him. But let's talk about something more cheerful. Tell us everything!"

But Minerva regarded Poppy with a sentimental glance. "What would we do without you?"

Rolling her eyes the robust mediwitch shook her head.

"Please, Minerva, safe it for your Gryffindors."

Smiling Remus took the glass Albus offered him and imagined what would happen if Minerva really did bestow sentimentalities upon her students. Hogwarts would probably crumble to dust under their realisation that their no-nonsense Head of House had more than one soft spot.

"Well, Remus, how does one feel being a proper Potionsmaster?"

Rising his glass Remus grinned. "I don't know, you have to ask Severus."

Appearing from the greenhouses Sirius and Hagrid reached the orchard just in time to listen in. Sirius waved enthusiastically.

"You survived! I knew it!"

Falling down on the chair next to Remus he slapped his friends' shoulders with such force that Remus' almost dropped his glass and orange liquid splattered all over the tablecloth.

"Well, if that's the only thing you're throwing around today we're lucky."

Albus' comment was dry, but the whole table erupted with laughter. Sirius was pleased with the development.

"So, tell us!"

The first course appeared, and Remus started to tell the tale of two unlikely alchemists facing heat and ugly smells on their quest towards the one true and holy Wolfsbane. Laughter and witty comments made him press on, and he told their trials and tribulations with verve and flourish. Finally finished everybody broke into sudden applause, and Albus seemed to shine with pride and enjoyment. Rising his glass he nodded towards Remus.

"To Wolfsbane!"

Rising the glasses everybody echoed the toast. Sirius giggled. "And to Remus - the first Werewolf to brew Wolfsbane!"

Voices repeated the sentence, and they laughter echoed over the grounds. Remus looked into their proud and smiling faces, relaxed and happy with their achievement. He pushed back the thoughts about the as of yet untested potency of the potion, and clicked his glass to Sirius'. For now they were done and successful, and whatever was to happen the next day could wait until then.


	21. One of the lucky ones

The next morning Remus awoke with the feeling of all his muscles being pulled away from their joints while his bones were being twisted in every possible direction simultaneously. It always felt like this on the morning of the full moon, sparing him the expense of a calendar or the time to look up. The mechanics setting the downfall of Remus' humanity into motion were always crystal clear to him, making themselves felt long before there was a sign of the moon in the sky.

Not every werewolf transformed on the same day. Muggles and wizards alike claimed the full moon to be a phase lasting three days, although the moon was really full for only one night. But for every werewolf it was a different one, and there were the bad cases where every single one of the three nights triggered the transformation. Remus had never met someone affect by that, though. They were known to die early, in pain, their bodies wasted from a transformation they never had enough time to recover from. Most of them committed suicide as soon as the opportunity arose. Remus precisely well knew why.

But he had been one of the lucky ones. Transforming only once in every moon circle he had enough time to recover or at least attempt to. But that still didn't say much, and even Wolfsbane didn't help with the aches and the ugly feeling of being not quite inside one's own mind and body.

The feeling seeped into every cell as Remus carefully climbed out of bed and stretched his stiff joints while walking towards his bathroom. He could already feel the surplus energy in his veins, the slight tug of aggression at his mind. It was loosing his inner calm that enraged Remus most. He felt like begin swept away by an unstoppable avalanche sometimes, the ground unstable and moving out of his control. He was a gentle man, but the creature wasn't, and its growl easily broke through Remus' own softer voice. It didn't help that the wolf was a hungry being, wanting blood, warm moving flesh and sex.

Angry at the moon, the world and himself he threw the bathroom door shut and showered as hot as he could. But even the scalding water and a furious wank in the shower did nothing to restore his humanity. The wolf was a force of nature, and there was nothing Remus could do but to try and tame it with as much self-discipline he could muster.

Most people dealing with him were aware of that. There was a silent agreement to ignore Remus on these days, to overlook that the gentle demeanour seemed endangered, an angry force barely hidden under a purposefully build facade of friendliness. But Remus was a good liar, and people wanted to believe. They had told themselves that he was one of the good ones, and nobody felt the need to question their worldview too seriously.

Some knew, of course. Sirius for sure did, having years and years of experience in dealing with the moon and its power over his best friend. He had learned to handle him with ease and grace, taking enough care of him to keep Remus happy, but otherwise leaving him alone.

Still Remus knew exactly that he wasn't good company. Breakfast was hardly done when he excused himself and vanished to a hiding space in the otherwise empty library. He needed time and space to keep a firm grip on his sliding mind. Added to his usual stress was the impending doom of the still untested Wolfsbane sitting in the lab, an element of uncertainty not helping with his slowly building temper.

Sitting by himself in the cool half-light of the secluded desks in the library helped. Bending over the book on Grummeldwarfs he had extracted from the shelves and forcing his unruly mind to follow his orders did more to calm his inner turmoil. The comfortable routine of preparing class, the quill in his hand and his familiar handwriting on the parchment kept the gloss of humanity intact. A monster couldn't write, if he wasn't mistaken. The creature didn't read.

Flipping through his plans for the upcoming year he realised how much time had already passed. It didn't look like it outside, with the brilliant blue sky and the beaming sun, but summer was almost over. And Remus was looking forward to business as usual, to teaching and helping, to dealing with students in all phases of their young lives, to Quidditch and shared meals in the Great Hall, office hours and duels in the corridors. But with the summer his time spent with Severus would be over, too, and his chances to finally see more of the man were dwindling. Pulling his thoughts back from impending doom he bent over his books once more.

But as soon as he was finally engrossed in his project of finding a Grummeldwarf in the Forbidden Forest and maybe even catch it he was disturbed by soft footsteps. Seconds later Albus appeared behind the bookshelves Remus had fled to, peeking around the corner and smiled.

"Ah, I thought so. Finding solace in work?"

Biting back a curt answer Remus simply nodded. He would remain in control. And after all none of this was Albus' fault.

"And reading up on - Grummeldwarfs?"

With a glance Albus had taken in Remus' reading material. Politely smiling, willing his face to look natural and not like a stiff mask Remus nodded again.

"Yes, for the sixth years. I just remembered that we do have a pack of them in the Forbidden Forest."

Thinking for just a short moment Albus agreed.

"We do. Hagrid ran into them a few times last year, he was delighted. And I think I remember a rather unfortunate encounter with them myself a few years ago. But their current habitats are far away from our usual pathways, and going there with an entire class would be too difficult."

The hidden meaning instructing Remus to not attempt to organise a field trip into the forest was evident.

"Of course not, I absolutely agree with you. But I wondered whether we couldn't try and see if we can catch one and bring it here. It would be very interesting for the students, and if we house the creature somewhere in the dungeons where the walls are thick enough - "

Then none would hear it scream, but Remus couldn't make himself saying it and simply let the sentence hang unfinished.

"In the dungeons? Have you ever heard a fully grown Grummeldwarf protest?"

He had, but only in travelling exhibitions were the creature in question had long been used to captivity. A free one would probably have a much broader range and more strength.

"I see. You need to know that their screams carry far, which is a reason why we had to chase them into the more remote parts of the forests a few decades ago. Of course we could ask Hagrid to capture one, but setting it up somewhere in the dungeons is a bad idea. It would disturb the students, after all, and the Slytherin Common Room would most likely be affected. I would recommend you discuss that with Severus as Head of House. But I can't see him compromising on the comfort of his students. Talk to him when he's awake again."

Feeling a bit sheepish Remus had to agree, ignoring the small pang Albus' final sentence elicited in his stomach. The dungeons were big enough to theoretically find a remote corner, but if the Grummeldwarf really was that loud there was a minor chance any students using the dungeons could be disturbed by it. He hadn't thought about Slytherin, if he was honest, mostly because he never really had much contact with Slytherin students beyond teaching them together with the Gryffindors. As a teacher he was theoretically responsible for all students, regardless of their house, but Slytherins tended to turn to their Head of House when they ran into trouble, and that was the end of it. Remus had been to their Common Room once or twice, always during holiday time, and never felt very welcome. What was going to happen to Slytherin if Severus - but Remus had no time to follow that particular trail of thought further with Albus' questioning glance on him.

"I absolutely understand, it just never occurred to me. Maybe I can ask Hagrid to capture one and keep it in a compound on the outskirts of the Forest. Coupled with a noise control spell it could work?"

Shrugging Albus agreed.

"You'll have to speak with him. But I came to tell you something else. This morning I performed the necessary tests on the potion, and I'm very content with our work."

Almost leaping from his chair Remus felt his heartbeat fasten. "Really?"

With a gesture Albus gestured him to sit down again, and took a seat on the same long bench.

"Yes, mostly. The primary properties are all spot-on, so your transformation should be completely safe and in control. The secondary ones, however, seem to have suffered somehow. But that shouldn't be too bad, and it certainly doesn't influence the general effect of the potion."

The hard knot in Remus' stomach seemed to grow just a little.

"Can you say which secondary ones are especially compromised?"

Looking a bit sheepishly Albus shook his head.

"Well, it's difficult. There are so many secondary layers that I didn't test all of them. I guess that something went wrong in regards to the pain management the potion seems to offer. But we can't be sure until your transformation, so you'll have to see."

Nodding while blinking back a mild onset of panic Remus tried to not look too striken. But of course Albus picked up on his fear.

"Now don't worry. Considering that I never thought it would work at all we can be proud that we got the primary properties into full working strength. I really doubted it, but all tests were positive."

Nodding again Remus thought of the Shrieking Shack and a very long and dark night. Somehow his notion of ruining the potion had consisted of exploding cauldrons and second degree burns, not of little details suddenly not working. The devil lives in the details, as his mother used to say while looking at him over her spectacles. Trying to look a bit more optimistic he took a deep breath.

"Well, at least we didn't kill ourselves with an exploding cauldron, right? And everything is better then nothing."

Nodding once more, this time encouraging Albus got up.

"I would agree. The potion is awaiting you in your rooms, as usual. I guess you will retreat to the shack tonight?"

As usual - that would mean a sour looking Severus presenting a glass jar or goblet with the potion, and Remus was quite sure that nothing like that would happen tonight.

"Yes, I thought that would be prudent."

Albus smiled, and lifted a hand to indicate a goodbye.

"Indeed. If you hadn't come to that conclusion yourself I would have strongly recommended it to you. But I see it isn't necessary."

Then he was gone, soft footsteps on the cold floor, leaving Remus to ponder how "strongly recommending" would have looked in this special case. He came to the conclusion that he didn't really want to know and tried to focus on the Grummeldwarfs ones more.

But there was the image of the Shrieking Shack imprinted on his mind, and no matter how much he tried to concentrate on his books it lingered even when he closed his eyes. And it was already early afternoon.

Defeated he returned to his rooms where a delicately engraved goblet waited for him on the table. Feeling exhaustion creep up on him he dropped his books next to it, certain he had never seen the golden thing before. It certainly didn't come from Severus' collection of goblets.

The potion looked much like it did every month. The thick liquid shimmered in a unappealing shade of mud, with a slick film of oscillating oils on top. Taking a deep breath Remus picked up the goblet, and in one swift motion downed its content.

He almost vomited on the spot. He had grown accustomed to the taste of Wolfsbane with time, slowly at least, lately being able to surpress the impulse to simply spit it out again. But this was revolting, and the liquid seemed thicker than usual. Only slowly running down his throat it gave him a good chance to cherish the ugly taste more intensely than usual. Closing his eyes Remus fought for control over his stomach.

In the end he won. Putting down the empty goblet on his table he forced himself to walk over to his windows and distract himself from the internal struggle to keep the potion down by observing the grounds. His view was nice, after all, even though it couldn't compete with the one Severus' private rooms had.

But it kept his thoughts in control to focus on the green grounds and sky, with white clouds sailing of to nowhere. As a child Remus had been looking at clouds for days on end, wishing for the chance to travel with them. Only later on he had realized that wherever he went the wolf would go, too. One couldn't shed one's skin. Or fur, for that matter.

Standing and looking he waited for the warm feeling of the potion in his stomach. There was a precise moment when the ugly taste slowly vanished from his tongue that he had come to be used to - a strange sensation of heat as the potion made its way into his bloodstream, slowly unfolding its full power, pure magic seeping into his veins. But the moment didn't come.

They hadn't succeeded, Remus suddenly realized. Whatever the tests had said, it had been useless. Shifting his bodyweight forward he leant his forehead against the cool window pane. How could they had been so sure of themselves and their own abilities? He should have known better. Why was he always trying to pretend that he could do things he simply couldn't?

But before desperation could close her claws around him a convulsion of strong knocks on his doors pulled him back. Annoyed he turned around to see his door opening without him uttering a single word of acceptance. He had been wallowing in misery, darn it, and who was interrupting him now?

Sauntering into the room, all colourful t-shirt and free-flowing dark curls Sirius needed only one single look to decipher the situation. Sighing he sniffed the empty goblet.

"This stuff is getting more and more vile. Are you looking like your old cat died all over again because of the taste?"

Remus growled, and crossed his arms.

"It always tastes vile, but this time - I think something's gone wrong."

Sirius' face was a beautiful arrangement of calming incredulity.

"No way, Albus told me the tests were positive. It's just nerves, that's all."

Fighting back the growl Remus simply grunted ungracefully. But Sirius didn't even look at him, already turning around on his heels and making haste to leave the room.

"All I wanted to know is if it's the Shack tonight, because if yes I'll take a nap now and get some old blankets from Hagrid."

Computing that took Remus an awfully long time.

"Shrieking Shack, of course. You mean you're going to stay with me?"

Looking over his shoulders Sirius face betrayed that he thought Remus terribly dim of wit, even for a full moon day.

"What do you think? I want to see how this turns out. And someone has to make sure that your lupine form doesn't destroy its paws entirely."

With a mixture of relief and gratitude Remus nodded, and Sirius was gone moments later, leaving Remus to ponder his own human and lupine shortcomings and worry about the night.

Hours later he wandered over the grounds towards the Whomping Willow. Dressed in his oldest possible clothing he was prepared for everything. But the uncertainty was still at the forefront of his mind, and all the internal cursing didn't help. Above him the night sky was already beautifully draped in dark blue silks, stars like diamonds sprinkled over the fabric. He made haste not to look at the moon as he stilled the eternal movement of the tree and slipped into the darkness of the hidden corridor.  
He had transformed only once or twice in the Shack since his return to Hogwarts, back in the first month when Severus had still been working on the perfect balance of the Wolfsbane. So the memories springing up to him when Remus walked the familiar ground were of old, and even though the Shack was a place of pain and fear he had good mental images tied to it as well. The camaraderie with his friends, their glorious transformation into animal companions to the wolf seemed to be floating around the room. He didn't remember the bad things, thankfully. There was no memory for the injuries. He didn't even remember attacking and nearly killing Severus, decades ago, in this very corridor. Sirius had told him later. Nobody else ever spoke of that moment, and he never said a word about it to Severus. Sometimes he wondered if he played a major role in the man's nightmares, but he suspected that the spy had seen and done worse by now.

The Shrieking Shack had not changed. Kept by what Remus considered to be a strong spell in a neverchanging shape of decay it was covered in dust and debris. Broken furniture and the thick wooden planks barricading the windows didn't quite lend an air of beauty to the place. But it was a safe spot for Remus' transformation, and the pile of old blankets in a corner told him that Sirius had already prepared a thing or two. As usual Remus sealed the only entrance with a quick spell and hid his wand in the small dent created exactly for that reasons. The wolf knew no magic.

Mentally giving himself over to fate Remus spread one of the blankets on the wooden floor, and started to undress. There was no point in ruining a set of still remotely intact clothing by the transformation, and Remus had never been one for false modesty. Carefully folding his shirt and trousers he hid them on a wooden beam high on the wall, a place where the wolf would hopefully ignore them.

Naked he sat on the ground, feeling the cool night air on his already painfully tingling skin and waited for the moon.

He didn't have to wait for long.

With the first beams of moonlight falling through the broken ceiling into the room the transformation hit his body like a wave of icecold water. Accompanied by his hoarse screams the moon pulled apart his body, breaking bones, tearing ligaments. His human shape deteriorated into a puzzle of blood and raw flesh, a howling soul begging for the final grace of eternal silence.

But the moon knew no mercy, not for Remus. A cruel hand playing with the shards and pieces of his body he was put together anew. Fur replaced skin, claws fingernails and his spine bent over, vertebrae by vertebrae, into the wolf's four-legged gait.

And with the breaking of bones came the mental change. His senses sharpened to their limit he suddenly smelt, heard and saw. The rotten wood of the shack suddenly announced the small animals living inside by smell. The rustling sound of the forest in the distance was loud in his ears, and the wind carried news and information about the movement of animals and humans. About his prey.

The wolfs knew all about prey. It knew how to break bones with a single quick bite, how to ravage through a still screaming carcass. It had sharp teeth and unrelenting black eyes like beads in a deformed head.

And hunger. The need for blood pulsed through its body, delivering the single goal the wolf had. But there was no escaping from the shack, no hole large enough to let the large creature through. There was nothing left to do for the hungry wolf than to gnaw on the blankets, howling at the withdrawal of prey from his reach in anger. The scent of humans in his surroundings seemed to mock him, stirring the rage further.

On his rampage through the hut the creature tried everything. Tearing a blanket apart hadn't helped in the slightest. The wolf threw itself against the wooden walls, clawed at the floorboards and howled its frustration into the night.

It didn't care for the black dog that suddenly appeared behind him. Up on its hind legs the wolf was busy chewing on a large iron nail sticking out from the wall when the dog suddenly appeared behind it and chomped into the wolfs tail.

With a roar the wolf turned around. But there was just the dog, far too small to satisfy the wolf's craving for blood. And it was human blood the wolf wanted anyway. It didn't care for the small creature. There was no use to fight this one.

Throwing itself around the wolf went to work on the wall again. Gnawing on the nails it splintered its teeth, ripping open its paws on the loose wood. There was blood on the wall, but the wolf didn't feel the pain. Rage had taken it over completely.

It was only when the dog took a hearty bite on the wolf's tail again that the large creature finally turned around once more. Standing facing each other the wolf growled. But the dog wasn't easily intimidated, staring back at the much larger, much more powerful creature without even blinking, not willing to back down even by an inch.  
They stood for a moment in silence and in the stillness the wolf suddenly realized its bleeding paws. Standing without any movement hurt, and it started to prance for no other reason that to chase the pain away. But the dog understood immediately, and closing the distance between them moved next to the forepaws. It gave a sharp bark, and the wolfs froze. Satisfied the dog bent down and carefully started to clean the wounds with its tongue.

It was the touch or the movement, and later Remus wasn't sure what exactly had triggered it. But it was at that precise moment that he suddenly knew where he was, why he was there, and most importantly, who he was.

With a soft whine the wolf sank down, hiding its head in shame. And the dog understood, interrupting his care and marching over to the corner where the blankets were piled. Only when the wolf was buried under a few of them, neatly tucked in as well as a dog could tuck a large creature like a werewolf in, the dog returned to its place next to the injured paws and continued his healing work.

But the wolf was inconsolable. Ridden by grief over what had happened it kept on whimpering silently. When the dog was satisfied with his work on the injuries it crawled underneath the blankets, curled up next to the wolf and placed its smaller dark head on the creatures enormous paws. Softly the wolf's whimpering faded away. But it was only after it was fairly certain that the distraught creature was finally asleep that the dog allowed its eyes to drift close as well. The moon drew sharp circles onto the dusty floor.

Remus awoke the next morning in a pile of horribly smelling blankets, covered in dirt and blood, feeling as if he had been hit repeatedly by the Hogwarts Express and then thrown into a rubbish dump. The heat of the late summer day was oppressive in the shack, and the repulsive scents seemed to be multiplied by the heavy and thick air. Closing his eyes again as soon as he had opened them Remus counted till fifty and then tried once more.

But it wasn't a nightmare. He was still lying on the hard wooden floor, and the smell didn't vanish either. Not moving even an inch he took inventory.

His body hurt. Muscles and tendons complained about being overstretched and ripped apart. Some bones seemed to have taken quite a bashing. Moving up from his feet he tried to move certain joints, feeling some click into place and others to deny service for just a few minutes more. His skin seemed a bit raw around some areas. But only when he flexed his fingers he realized that he had done horrific things to his hands. They were ripped open and torn apart, his right palm mere bloodied raw flesh. A fingernail was half-broken, another one seemed torn apart. The back of his left hand was covered in deep bloody scratches, his right wrist bruised beyond belief. But there was no broken bone, or so he believed, a small consolation price.

Groaning he rolled onto his back, wincing as his vertebrae hit the hard wood. Stretching was out of question entirely, but he had to get up. Peeling himself off the floor took at least ten minutes, and dressing required even more effort. The scab on some wounds seem to break open immediately, but the amount of blood was minimal. And his t-shirt needed a good circle in the laundry anyway.

He was just done when Sirius appeared in the doorframe, carrying a bag and smiling brightly.

"Good morning! Good to see you're awake. Here's breakfast, meaning some dry bread for you and the whole thing for me."

Carefully Remus lowered himself to the ground again, ignoring the pounding headache and his various aches and pains. He didn't remember waking up that torn apart ever since he had started to take Wolfsbane. There had been something to the potion that was missing in the concoction Albus and he had brewed, that much was for sure.

Watching Sirius spreading out his breakfast Remus rubbed his neck, trying to ignore his beat up hands. Minutes later he was nibbling on a piece of dry bread while Sirius demolished a gigantic cheese sandwich.

"So, tell me, did the potion do anything at all? Because you were quite crazy last night."

Shrugging slowly Remus sipped on his herbal tea out of the thermos Sirius had produced from his wonderbag.

"Later on yes, but it took a long time. I have no clue why, so don't ask me."

Sirius chewed thoughtfully.

"I guess if it hadn't worked you would have shreds instead of hands. If I were a werewolf shrink I'd diagnose you with severed paw-disorder or something. Have you done something with your hands you disliked and want to punish them or something?"

It was true that the wolf had a strange fetish with chewing on its paws, but Remus couldn't think of anything he'd done with his hands that would require punishment. Not yet, anyway.

"Go and see Poppy. She needs to fix you."

Done with his sandwich Sirius busied himself with cleaning the breakfast, and Remus downed the remaining tea.

"Yes, I guess she will have a field day with my hands." Remus handed the thermos to Sirius, who stowed it into his bag.

"Thank you, for the breakfast and your company. Last night, I mean."

Shaking his head Sirius commanded the blankets into the corner with a flick of his wand. He didn't bother with a cleaning spell, though.

"Sure, always. Friends, you know. And now get out and see Poppy, okay?"

Following his orders Remus moved his beaten body into an upright position and managed to force himself into a motion similar to walking. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Sirius retrieve the wand from the dent in the wall and pocket it. Remus was fairly certain it would be on his desk when he returned to his rooms later.

Outside the corridor the summer heat was even more oppressive. There were heavy clouds on the horizon, and the thunderstorm seemed already tangible. The afternoon would be stormy.

Up in the Hospital Wing Remus found Poppy sorting through her collection of vials with cough potion, taking inventory for the upcoming year. But she jumped from her chair immediately, and in the next minutes Remus had to drink at least five different vials, hold his hands for her to administer a thick salve smelling of roses and watch her patch together his broken fingernails with a few well-placed strong spells.

She also took readings of his entire physical status, wiped his face with a wet cloth despite his protest and then covered his fingers in band-aids and bandages.  
Finally she took a step back and sighed.

"It seems that you're out to destroy your hands for good, Remus. I won't ask why, you probably don't know yourself. Keep the bandages on, please, and come back tonight. I want to readminister the healing salve on your palm. Did you eat the flesh away or how did that happen?"

Feeling stupid Remus had do admit that he had no recollection what had made the wolf turn onto itself. Maybe it had taken to eating its own skin and flesh to replace the skin and flesh it longed to hunt but couldn't get. Logic wasn't quite the creatures strong side, after all.

Poppy simply shock her head and returned to her desk to arrange the vials she had needed in a box with Remus' name on it so they were kept handy for later. Thanking her Remus slid off the bed he had been sitting upon.

"I'll see you again later. Hopefully this will heal quickly."

Halfway out to the door he suddenly changed his mind. He hadn't visited Severus since he had spent the day in the laboratory with Albus brewing Wolfsbane and he had nothing to do that couldn't be done later. It wouldn't hurt to quickly see if the sleeping figure was still where Remus had left him a few days ago. Changing his direction mid-stride he turned towards the private rooms.

"I'll quickly say hello to Severus."

Sitting down by her desk Poppy waved into his general direction.

"Do that. But be careful with your hands today, yes?"

Remus wasn't quite sure what exactly she was trying to tell him, but nodded, smiled towards her already turned back and left the large room. He was looking forward to see Severus again, even if he was only a sleeping form on a bed removed from his reality entirely. Maybe telling the silent body everything about the Wolfsbane debacle would help to clear Remus' mind.

Within seconds he arrived at the closed door, and with much more force than strictly necessary threw it open and marched into the room.

"Would you like me to lecture you on the cultural significance a closed door generally holds in this society or can I simply call you an imbecile and leave it at that?"

His mouth wide open Remus stopped dead in his tracks, his freshly bandaged hand still on the door handle and the certain knowledge in his mind that maybe he should have knocked, after all.


	22. What can I keep for myself

The voice was rough like sandpaper on a blackboard and unusually faint, but there was no mistaking the cadence and Remus wondered briefly why nobody had warned him. Then he cursed himself for forgetting that time passed for other people as well. Poppy had decided to leave Severus in the healing sleep for five days, and those had been over yesterday. And then, finally, he tried to think of something intelligent to say and failed dramatically.

"Uh, you're awake?"

That earned him a facial expression that looked a lot as if Severus was trying hard to resist the temptation to simply curse Remus out of the door again.

"Sorry to disappoint you."

Remus swallowed his response. Instead he simply marched through the room, taking a seat in the reading chair Poppy had used in the past days and where he himself had sat many hours, alone in the dark with the unresponsive Severus. The thought that the sleeping man had been easier to like passed through Remus' mind, but he brushed it aside very quickly.

"Did I ask you to come in and get comfortable?"

Carefully arranging his battered body in a way that was as comfortable as possible in the soft chair Remus tried a smile.

"No, but to be honest I don't care. And I don't think you're in a position to put up a fight right now."

Severus pulled a rather unbecoming face, but he didn't deny the truth in Remus' statement.

He looked better than he had the last time Remus had seen him. Poppy's therapy was obviously slowly taking effect, softening the worst, taking off the edge of his visible suffering. But even with that slow progress he still looked hollow and grey, nothing but skin and bones, almost like a dead man who had accidentally forgotten to remain in his grave. Tiredness seemed to almost radiate from his person, and there was a strange heaviness in his posture, as if he had to strain himself to even stay seated upright. He had exchanged the usual pyjamas Poppy dressed her patients in with something that looked more as if it came out of his own wardrobe. Sitting on the bed more than in the bed he wore what looked like dark grey lightweight cotton trousers matched with a white t-shirt. Both were too large for him now, suggesting that they had been bought many month ago to fit on his usual bodyframe. 

Propped against more than one pillow, his legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles he held a leather-bound volume in one hand. When Remus entered he had put the book down, and from where he sat Remus could not see the title embossed on the front. Severus' other hand was hidden from Remus' view, but the intravenous drip standing next to the bed suggested that the clear plastic tube led to a needle in the back of his hand. On both of his arms the old scars Remus had noticed before seemed faded against his grey skin, with only the Dark Mark on his left forearm brutally visible, black like scorched earth.

"What are you reading?"

It was a mixture of an honest question coupled with Remus' inability to say anything he actually wanted to say. Severus frowned.

"Words, words, words."

It was clear that he was not going to give anything away, and at that moment that even seemed to stretch to his reading material. Sighing Remus leant back a bit. How was it possible that Severus stared at him with his usual contempt now when they had actually been rather close to ripping of their clothes the last time they saw each other? Sure, some days had passed and things had happened - but Remus' trail of thoughts was interrupted.

"As you don't seem to fancy leaving anytime soon, what can I actually do for you?"

It was supposed to be a scathing remark, but the horrible condition of Severus' voice undermined his intention decidedly. 

"This and that. What happened to your voice?"

Severus still looked very sceptical, but he seemed to resign himself to the fact that Remus wouldn't go anywhere anytime soon.

"Healing sleep. Mind you there are spells to prevent this, but - " His sentence was left unfinished as the last words drowned in a terrifying coughing fit. For a second Remus thought he would simply choke, and as fast as his own complaining body allowed for it he moved from the chair towards the bed.

"Can I help?"

With his face covered with his free left hand Severus shook his head vehemently, but at the same time reached out for the glass of water on the nightstand. Automatically Remus moved, and placed the glass in the outstretched hand. It took the entire glass until Severus had regained control over his breathing. Rubbing his face with strangely slow motions he straightened his back and then carefully returned the glass to the nightstand.

Remus stood by the bed glancing down, feeling utterly helpless. Finally he returned to his chair just as Severus sat back against the pillows again. Only then Remus noticed the faint trembling in the long fingers, and how Severus brought his free left hand immediately out of Remus' line of sight again as soon as he could. 

But there was something else. Watching Severus return the glass to the nightstand Remus realised that he hadn't seen the man reach for anything in the past weeks. Instead he had grown used to a very different procedure. When Severus wanted something he simply held out a hand, and the thing in question moved into his palm, commanded by invisible power.

But the water glass on the nightstand hadn't moved an inch.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Still somehow occupied with breathing normally Severus looked up. The contempt seemed gone from his face, replaced by nothing but open tiredness.

"I'm surprised Albus didn't tell you."

Remus shook his head, felt the pull in his muscles and winced involuntarily. He would remember this night for a while, that much was for sure, and his quick movements to hand over the glass hadn't been helping. Maybe he should have gone to bed, after all. He felt Severus' gaze upon him.

"Full moon, you know."

It was a completely unnecessary explanation, and he didn't have to wait for the reply.

"As anyone in the castle and a ten mile radius is probably aware of. You should cast a sound protection spell next time."

Remus suppressed the angry reply with some internal struggle. He had no clue if Severus was already aware of the Wolfsbane Experiment, and if he wasn't Remus for sure wasn't going to be the one who would tell him. That was something he'd leave to Albus, thankyouverymuch. The headmaster had far less trouble withstanding Severus' wrath then Remus did - although at the moment it was far more likely that Severus would choke on his own words before he could do any harm, an image that Remus was sure would make plenty of people very happy.

"Now don't try to distract me, it's not going to work. What happened? You weren't this run down when we spoke the last time."

The remark earned Remus a seething glance, but before Severus could say anything the door swung open and Albus Dumbledore marched into the room. Dressed in bright pink robes with light green lining he carried a fresh glass of water and a vial, and beamed brightly. While inwardly cursing the impeccable timing the headmaster had Remus tried his best to smile. Severus looked decidedly disturbed that someone else simply waltzed into his current living space without knocking and tried to cross his arms in front of his chest. He failed immediately as the intravenous drip came into the way. So he dropped his hands uselessly on the blanket and apparently decided to give growling another try.

"Is there a single person with manners in this castle? Knock, for Merlin's sake."

Still smiling a bit too brightly for Remus' taste Albus stopped at the foot of the bed.

"Good morning, Severus, isn't it a splendid day? Hello Remus, good to see you. You look great, taking last night into consideration."

Slightly amused Remus nodded. But Severus wasn't done.

"I mean it when I say you should knock, Albus."

There was a hint of frustration in his voice Remus hadn't heard before. But Albus simply shook his head and clicked his tongue.

"Don't be fussy, Severus, please."

But Severus had decided on being fussy, at least as much as he could.

"This is not a bloody zoo. Or shall I sell tickets? Put a price for the eyeing of my scars?"

Now Albus was visibly trying not to laugh. He moved around the bed and sat down on it, taking up the space between Remus and Severus. Draping his lightweight robes around him he carefully deposited the water glass and vial on the nightstand.

Severus followed the gesture, and something in his face told Remus that the vial wasn't what he had wanted to see. Albus nodded to Remus and turned again.

"Now now, calm down. I think you've spent to much time with your books, you start to sound a bit florid. And what are you reading now?"

He glanced at the book on the covers, and picked it up without asking. Severus' lips turned into a thin line, but he remained calm. Albus turned the book around in his hand and flipped it open.

"Dante? That's what you call easy reading?"

Shrugging Severus held out a hand, but Albus had opened the first page and started to read. Then he looked up.

"Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark - you've read it before, I gather?"

Closing the book he returned it to Severus who placed it on the covers in a careful movement and looked down at it for a moment.

"For the straight pathway had been lost. Of course I have. But you have different reasons for your visit today than to offer your critique on my style of speech or my choice of literature."

Albus nodded, and looked at Remus once more. Pushing aside the strange feeling of jealousy Remus made motions to get up.

"I should leave, yes. I'll see you both later."

But Albus motioned for him to remain seated.

"Actually no. You would do us a favour if you stayed. You'd be needed for what I have to do. If you have time, that is."

Surprised and utterly clueless to what Albus wanted Remus sank back down into the chair.

"I think I do. I didn't want to work anyway this morning. Still pretty tired from last night, and, well." He raised his hands to mention his injuries without finding words. Albus gave him a pitying glance he could have done without and turned around again.

"Fine. Severus, are you alright with Remus staying as a witness? As he's here already. Usually I would have asked Minerva, but - "

Severus simply shrugged in a slow and stiff motion.

"If he agrees. I guess I do not have many options anymore."

Now Remus had enough.

"I do agree, but could you enlighten me as to what's supposed to happen that I have to stay and see or participate in? You see, giving consent before one knows what's going to happen is rather unusual."

For a moment Albus and Severus simply looked at each other. Then Severus nodded slowly.

"I'm surprised you didn't tell him already, as you seem to run around talking about me a lot lately."

The smile flashing over Albus' face was genuine and not even remotely guilty. "You'll thank me later."

Severus snorted ungracefully.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." Then he turned to Remus again. "Ask your question again."

Confused Remus stared back, feeling just the slightest bit like a student in an examination. Wasn't he supposed to do someone a favour by staying?

"What? Uhm, okay. What happened to you?"

He wasn't quite sure what that was leading to now, but Albus and Severus together in a room always had that impression on him. But apparently he had found the right question. Severus nodded solemnly, and then flashed Remus a strange crooked smile that Remus had no clue how to interpret. Albus' glance wasn't approving.

"I have no idea."

The realisation made Remus stare, involuntarily with his mouth hanging open for a second before he remembered to close it. That was bad. Worst-case scenario bad.

"Does that mean - how come you have no idea? How's that possible?"

Severus shrugged again slowly, and Albus suddenly looked strangely sad before the ubiquitous smile appeared again on his face.

"That means that there's a hole in my memory the size of the past few days."

Remus noticed the tight control barely audible in Severus' hoarse voice and finally picked up on the fact that the man was scared to death underneath the demeanour of cool carelessness. If he had no clue what he had done in the days he had been missing he might have done anything. What if he had betrayed someone? Or them all? Or - Remus' mind raced with the possibilities, each one more horrifying than the first.

"Oh shit."

Severus nodded solemnly.

"I'd agree."

Albus cleared his throat. "Furthermore it means we have no clue what happened to him."

Severus sighed, looking even more tired than before, a feat Remus had not thought possible.

"Or where my wand is. Or my cloak."

That was the next piece of information Remus could have happily lived without. Loosing one's wand was the nightmare of every magical being, and parting willingly with it for longer than a few moments was unheard of. Remus couldn't imagine to give his wand away for longer than a short time, or to loose it. It simply didn't happen. It was so much a part of his person by now that living without it would feel like loosing a limb, like not being whole anymore. The mere thought of what it probably felt like to have no idea where it could be made Remus' stomach sink.

"But how?"

Once more Albus answered.

"We don't know, Remus. We found him in the forest, without any outward sign of his Death Eater robes, unconscious and without his wand. That's all the information we have at the moment."

Putting the pieces together wasn't quite nice. So someone must have dropped Severus off, in the woods, after removing his Death Eater regalia and taking his wand.

"That doesn't really make sense."

Apparently Remus' reasoning wasn't entirely off, and Severus rewarded his thought process with a nod.

"Exactly. It would be logical to send me back dead, to make it a clear message. But to drop me off alive? I don't understand that."

Remus leant back in his chair again, brushing aside the small voice telling him that it was terrible to know that Severus' regarded his own death as a logical situation while being alive made no sense to him. Albus' voice pulled him away from his line of thinking quickly.

"We've been waiting for two days for Severus' memory to return, but nothing happened. There is hardly anything we can do about that, but there are certain precautions I, being the Head of the Order, must take to guarantee our safety."

Albus picked the vial up from the nightstand and held it up.

"One, although it's a rather unfortunate assumption, is that I have to eliminate any doubt about the fact that Severus says the truth."

Remus almost snorted. Was Albus serious about that?

"That can't be your - " But Severus interrupted him, still being able to cut Remus off despite the fact that he could hardly talk louder than a hoarse whisper.

"It absolutely is, and it is necessary. Albus has to consider the safety of the entire order. This is just a basic procedure."

Of course it was, but Remus couldn't stop himself feeling betrayed on Severus' behalf.

"And how is that going to work?"

Once again Albus held up the vial.

"It's a two step interrogation process. The first is a routine questioning using Veritasserum to exclude any chance that Severus can lie to me. The second is a more subtle check involving Legilimency."

Remus wasn't sure whether that much effort was really necessary. Clearly they would all be dead by now if Severus had unwillingly told any secrets. But Albus seemed determined, and Severus apparently had resigned himself to the situation.

"But Veritasserum isn't very reliable. And I think I remember it could be blocked using Occlumency."

Duly agreeing Severus nodded. "Correct on both points. Here's the catch: there are different grades of Veritasserum. This one is entirely pure and highly efficient, a grade of quality the ministry never uses as it's not sold on the market. But it is true that under the influence of Veritasserum one can only say what one thinks is true. Which isn't an issue in this case, because I'm clearly not insane and all Albus wants to know is whether I withhold information."

Once more pure logic, and Remus had to agree. He also made an internal note to read up on Veritasserum when he was back in his rooms and united with his books.

Albus picked up the lead.

"The whole endeavour is also very useful to be used if the ministry should ever show interest in Severus, which hopefully will never happen."

Severus didn't look very convinced about Albus' last point.

"And what about the Occlumency?"

Sighing Severus rubbed his face. "Not right now, no."

He visibly wasn't happy to admit the weakness and Remus could only imagine how he was feeling - tired and probably hurting, his wand gone, his usual power suddenly unreliable, at the mercy of people whom he didn't entirely trust. It wasn't a comfortable place to be in, for sure.

"Alright. And what am I supposed to do in this situation? Be there so that if the Ministry accuses Severus of anything I can prove he has been questioned?"

Albus carefully loosened the cork on the vial and leant over to the water glass on the nightstand. Severus divided his concentration between watching him and answering Remus.

"No. You really know nothing about Veritasserum."

Now annoyed Remus attempted to cross his arms in front of his chest without hurting his hands. He almost succeed.

"Well, your lessons didn't cover it."

Albus, done with administering three drops of the clear liquid to the glass, returned the cork onto the vial and placed it on the table. Then he picked up the glass and handed it to Severus.

"You're here to protect Severus, actually. People under the influence of Veritassserum are very vulnerable. They can very easily be manipulated, it's almost like an Imperio-Potion if used correctly."

Severus looked at the glass and then at Albus.

"Though everything depends on the intelligence of the interrogator, of course."

The dryness in his voice was only too familiar, and Albus graciously pretended to be hurt.

"Are you doubting me?"

Whatever Severus answer was, it was inaudible. Then he emptied the water glass, handed it back to Albus and leant against his pillows.

"Fine. Ask me."

Albus deposited the empty glass on the nightstand.

"Let's have a few questions to see how long it takes till the potion takes effect. What's your name?"

Severus pulled a face. "None of your business."

"Where did you study?"

There was no time for Severus to think, but apparently both enjoyed the banter.

"Somewhere in the East."

Albus smiled. "That was almost right. What subject do you teach?"

"Torture 101."

Now even Remus couldn't help but smile. "Does that mean you torture your students or that your students torture you?"

"Both, probably."

Albus interrupted. "I wouldn't be too sure. What's your house?"

"Huf -" Severus stopped in the middle of the word and grimassed. "Hu-" He tried again, but he couldn't say it. "Oh bloody fucking hell. Slytherin, of course."

Shaking his head Albus checked his pocketwatch. "That was quick, though I must say I disapprove of you always cursing when under Veritasserum. Highest grade of possible purity, it seems."

Severus looked strangely smug for a professional liar who'd just taken a potion that prevented him from lying.

"What can I say? I'm a damn fine genius."

Clicking his tongue Albus slapped his arm lightly, but smiled.

"Delusions of grandeur, again. Well."

And then he launched into a quick and fast cross-hearing, asking question after question, giving Severus minimal time to think and immediately demanding an answer if he took a second too long. It was more than obvious that Albus had done that before, probably more often then Remus could imagine.

Severus answered duly, but it quickly became clear that he was indeed telling the truth: he had no idea what had happened. Dutifully he recounted how he had apparated to an unspecified room in a manor somewhere in South England where Voldemort had been awaiting him. After handing over small bits of information He-Who-Was-A-Bastard had kept him around, asking for this and that.

For Remus the interrogation was highly educating. He hadn't known before that Voldemort liked to keep certain Death Eaters around, using them as short-time companions or, mildly put, toys to chase away his boredom when no attack was imminent and he had nothing to do but ponder the fact that he hadn't gained world domination yet.

It had been one of these scenarios, apparently. In painful detail Severus described how he had stayed in the manor for two days, running small errands but beyond that doing nothing in particular besides serving as a conversational partner. With growing uneasiness Remus listened to the description of the cold darkness of the rooms, even in the mid of summer, and how Voldemort had placed small hints that he was looking for something he was disappointed Severus hadn't delivered yet. There was talk about potions, mainly, and some Dark Arts even Remus hadn't heard about.

Finally, on the third day, Voldemort had been in a bad mood. Calling various other Death Eaters, some of whom Severus could name, he had giving a little speech declaring that he was unhappy with their current situation and chastised his followers for their idleness. Chastise in the case meant bestowing generous amounts of Cruciatus combined with a variety of lesser known nasty curses upon them.

From then on things became more blurred. Severus was halfway certain that at some point the others had been ordered to leave, while he was kept behind, resigning into his fate to being the toy du jour. Remus cringed at the descriptions of the way Voldemort used Legilimency and dark magic in abundance to entertain himself, pushing close to the breaking point but, cruelly so, never beyond.

It fascinated Remus how calmly Severus told the story, without hesitating once and while loosing nothing of his usual eloquence. He had words for what happened to him, clear descriptions and images Albus could understand and sort through. Many things he recounted sounded familiar to Remus, but he would have never been able to pour his experiences into language. He simply had never spoken about what happened to him during the full moon. It hadn't been necessary, especially not later on when his friends had been in the shack with him. They knew because they had seen, and other people weren't likely to ask. After all Lycanthropy and it's rather gruesome reality didn't rank quite high when it came to dinnertable conversation.

But apparently Severus had experience communicating what he did and what was done to him. He had a broad vocabulary covering all types of pain, all possible variations of torture, all body parts that could be torn apart and damaged. He spoke neutrally and detached. There was no sentiment in his report, nothing that indicated that everything he spoke about happened to him. 

His description went on and on, until there finally came a breaking point, and all Severus remembered was crouching on the cold stone floor and his world slowly fade to black.

"And then?"

Apparently unfazed Albus pressed on, but Severus shook his head.

"I don't - I can't say. I woke up, I think, once, but all I remember are bed covers and a blurry vision of someone. Pain, of course. I don't know."

And finally there was something in Severus coarse and pained voice, a new edge, something like desperation. He wanted to remember, it was clear, and it terrified him that he couldn't.

For Albus it was enough to break his role of stern interrogator and put a hand on Severus' bony shoulders. To Remus surprise Severus didn't object.

"It's will be alright, stay calm. Do you remember something besides that, anything?"

Concentrating with closed eyes for a moment Severus finally shook his head.

"No. That has never happened before, I don't know - "

He seemed to choke up, but managed to keep control. Albus kept his hand firmly in place.

"It's fine. So far I think we're safe."

But Severus only laughed bitterly, having regained his firm grip on himself.

"Don't lie, please. We're not, and we'll never be. But it will not matter." He took a deep breath. "Continue. I'm feeling rather tired."

That seemed to be quite an understatement. The Veritasserum visibly took its toll on Severus - either that or the act of answering Albus' questions and revisiting the events of the past days. Carefully rearranging his body he pulled his knees up and rested his now visibly shaking hands on them, in a gesture so different from his usual proud demeanour that Remus had to fight the urge to reach out and interrupt the interrogation. Albus sighed.

"Well, I don't think we will get further than this. Obviously you do not remember, there's no point pressuring you further. Although I rather wonder how you lost your wand. Did you still have it when you lost consciousness?"

This time he gave Severus some time to think, and Remus could almost see the thought process. The Veritasserum seemed to have taken not only Severus' ability to lie but also his chance to hide his emotions behind a facade of being detached from his surroundings.

"I did, I recall using it a few hours before that. It must have been in my cloak."

Albus nodded. "I thought so. But we found you without the cloak. You didn't have your mask or gloves, either."

"You said so. That worries me most. It seems so obviously to be a message, but I cannot decode it. As I said before there is no applicable logic that makes it plausible that the Dark Lord found me out and simply decided to send me back. It wouldn't do, a traitor has to be eliminated to state an example. Especially someone in my position. There has never been a traitor in the inner circle before, but I've attended plenty of executions on lower ranked ones."

That was new to Remus.

"There are - or rather were - others like you?"

Both men turned towards him, Albus surprised and maybe a bit annoyed. But Severus couldn't help but answer.

"Of course. The ministry tried various times to place spies among Voldemort's ranks, but nobody ever survived long. And they never managed to rise through the ranks, so their information wasn't vital. They haven't tried lately. I guess the risk is too high. Or they didn't find volunteers for suicide missions, who knows."

Gently but firmly Albus directed Severus' attention back to himself.

"That is enough for now, I think. Thank you, Remus. I'd like to continue to the second part of this."

Remus had never thought that Severus could turn even more pale than he already was. But he did, not being able to hide his obvious discomfort, pulling his hands from his knees into his lap. Then he nodded.

"Do what you have to."

Unsure of what was going to happen Remus cleared his throat. Albus threw him a quick glance, but then complied.

"Legilimency. But there's no need for Severus to look that scared. I just want to see if there's any damage done to his mind."

Severus took the opportunity to discreetly cough into his elbow. When he had enough air again to speak he sounded even worse than before.

"I do believe there's more than enough need for me to look scared. If I liked people taking walks in my mind I wouldn't have invested all those hours in becoming proficient in Occlumency."

Albus simply rolled his eyes. "Will you ever believe that I actually mean well?"

"Not until you have proven it without restrictions. Don't be ridiculous, Albus. Every man on earth works for himself. Voldemort does, I do, and you do, too. You play the saintly godfather well, but I do know better. And now please cast your bloody spell so we can get this over with."

Apparently that was more truth than Albus had wanted to hear. His lips a thin line he nodded, carefully clearing his face of any emotions he might have felt. It was that moment that Remus suddenly asked himself if Severus was right. Or not, and how it must feel for Albus to be rejected again and again.

"Fine. Look at me. And don't try to resist, please. You are very tired and there's no point in fighting over this."

Severus nodded, looking straight at Albus. They seemed to stare at each other completely unmoving. There was nothing in Albus' face but the same continuous small smile Remus had seen countless times. Severus' face was stern, but otherwise void of emotions. Remus wondered if he would see anything, or feel any kind of magic. But nothing happened. It was only after a good five minutes that Severus suddenly winced and then drew a sharp breath. As if pulled on strings Albus reached out and took hold of his shoulder again, this time exercising a firm grip and keeping Severus precisely where he was and unmoving.

And then nothing happened. As Remus had seen countless times before there was nothing to see and nothing for him to do. So he leant back in the comfortable chair, dropped his head against the headrest and closed his eyes. The soft summer breeze in the room and complete silence quickly lulled him into a state of almost-sleep, his mind drifting off easily.

He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting like this when he suddenly heard Albus' soft voice. Something told him to remain unmoving, keeping his eyes closed and for all the world looking as if he were deep asleep.

"How long have you known this would happen?"

It took a long time for Severus to answer, and his voice was barely audible this time.

"Years."

"And when did you feel first signs?"

"Maybe two years ago."

Severus had to cough before he could continue speaking, but it was clear that every word caused him even more pain now. Remus kept his eyes firmly closed, listening to their voices and imagining their faces.

"Why didn't you tell us? Me? Anyone? We could have done something. There was no need to let it get to this."

The disappointment seeped into Albus' voice easily.

"Nothing you or anyone could have done. It was bound to happen. I always hoped to die standing instead of like this, but we cannot all get what we want. I don't complain."

For a short moment there was silence.

"You didn't even let us try. I must say I'm a bit disappointed. Or are you trying to commit a slow suicide?"

Severus' bitter laughter quickly turned into a coughing fit. It took him a moment to regain his composure, and when he answered his voice sounded even worse than before.

"He that is without sin among you let him cast the first stone. But I must tell you I'm not a masochist. There would have been less tedious ways to die than this."

The following silence was long drawn and Remus wondered if both men had returned to using Legilimency to continue their discussion without being overheard. The only thing audible from time to time was Severus' coughing turning more and more regular. It seemed that all the talking had added to damage of his voice. Finally it was Albus who spoke again.

"You might not be trying to kill yourself, but I think we're both aware of your current condition. So let me inform you that you will cooperate with Poppy and me and recover as much as possible. This is not over yet. Not for you, in any case. You're still needed, and if you want it or not there are things you must do. You cannot leave now. It's far too early."

Albus was still speaking gently, sounding soft and friendly. But it was clear that he was not worried or requesting anything. He was giving orders and didn't even bother to sound authoritative. There was no space for questioning him and Remus wondered again how exactly Albus had gained the power to simply order Severus around like that.

"And they still believe that you are just a friendly old wizard."

Laughing softly Albus' voice regained it's usual cheer.

"Because I am. But in the end we all do what we have to do. I just wish I could give you more reasons to live than a simple order."

Severus' answer drowned in another coughing fit. From the sounds in the room, the moving of blankets and the soft rustle of fabric Remus picked up that Albus' must have put a hand on Severus' back, maybe keeping him stable during his coughing fits.

"Oh, don't. I know you don't believe we will ever come out of this, that there will be an end. But there will be, for all of us."

There was silence for a moment.

"There will only be death."

Albus softly sighed.

"Do you believe that, truly?"

This time the silence was long. Then Severus' answer came hushed, as if it had been uttered from far away.

"Yes."

Severus didn't elaborate. It was already a finite answer. There was nothing left to say. Remus gulped down something he knew he couldn't say anyway and carefully opened his eyes. Stretching softly he yawned behind his bandaged hands and made a few motions to indicate that he had only woken up. Albus smiled at him, sadness almost tangible behind his bright blue eyes. Severus sat on the bed, bent forward, his arms folded over his knees and his head resting upon them. He looked exhausted, even with his eyes closed. As Remus had rightfully predicted one of Albus' hands was softly placed on Severus' protruding shoulder blades.

"Good morning, Remus. Did the sleepless night catch up on you?"

Yawning again Remus nodded.

"I fear. Apologies for simply falling asleep. I think I failed terribly as a witness."

Still smiling Albus shook his head.

"Oh no, you did well. Thank you. But I think we should leave Severus alone now and give him some time to relax."

Agreeing Remus got up from his chair, feeling his joints protest. Nodding once more in Albus direction he walked out of the room and softly closed the door behind him, not surprised in the slightest when Albus remained seated and didn't follow him out. Severus didn't look up or open his eyes.

Slowly walking Remus left the Hospital Wing behind him and climbed the stairs back to his own rooms. He wished for a hot bath to relax his tense body, but his injured hands wouldn't take well to the water. Even a short shower seemed out of question. So when he returned to his own bathroom he made do with a wet cloth and a brush through his hair before changing into comfortable clothing and stretching himself out on his sofa.

With his eyes fixed to the ceiling he waited for his exhaustion to take him over and guide him into sleep. But his mind was still wandering. He was glad to have seen Severus awake again and returning from his state of almost-dead. But then the questions they had hadn't been answered in the slightest. Everything seemed more confusing than before. And there was still the issue with the Wolfsbane. Where had they made the mistake?

Time was running through their hands. The new term was only two weeks away. Conferences and preparations would begin in the next days. Whatever way Remus turned it summer was almost over. But their ground seemed more unstable than before with more unknown factors in their calculations springing up everywhere.

Silently worrying Remus finally feel asleep. But even in his uneasy dreams he was still wondering and dreaming of the full moon finally crushing him for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words, words, words - Hamlet's answer to Polonius asking him "What do you read, my Lord?" Hamlet Act 2, Scene 2, 175
> 
> Put a price for the eying of my scars? - originally "For the eying of my scars there is a charge", Sylvia Plath from her poem "Lady Lazarus"
> 
> Midway upon the journey of our life  
> I found myself within a forest dark,  
> For the straightforward pathway had been lost - Dante, Divine Comedy, Inferno 1,1 (transl. Longfellow). I usually perfer the Mandelbaum translation, but in this case Longfellow felt better fit for the regular speechpatterns of the chapter.


	23. A kindness you cannot afford

Remus awoke confused from unclear dreams, but much more relaxed than he had been before. For a moment reluctant to leave his comfortable couch he remained stretched out, feeling the soft summer breeze coming in from the opened window. His first movements were purposefully slow to examine the state of his body. The improvement was minuscule, but as he stretched he felt a few joints less screaming at the nights' torture.

Slowly he sat up and glanced at the clock. He had slept for a few hours and the hands on the dial pointed to five o'clock in the afternoon. His stomach reminded him of the lack of food, growling far too loud. Rubbing his neck and stretching once more, now making sure to properly roll his shoulders and flex his neck Remus decided on his course of action.

A clap of his hands later a houseelf appeared, and a few minutes after that a tray with perfect sandwiches, a fruit bowl, a plate of biscuits and a jug of fresh lemonade stood on Remus' coffee table. He had no intention to force himself out of his rooms anytime soon and indulged in his solitary tea time while slouching back and enjoying the calm of the afternoon.

After he had polished off a remarkable amount of sandwiches, half the contents of the fruit bowl and two biscuits washed down with lemonade and tea he reminded himself of having to attend dinner the same day and forced the tempting idea of ordering more food away. Instead he pushed himself off the couch. His hands had started to tingle and itch under the bandages, and he remembered Poppy's order to return to the Hospital Wing for another round of treatment. 

Whistling softly he wandered down the stairs through the castle. The first signs of the approaching new year were already everywhere - houseleves polishing corners and stairways, throwing open the windows to let the summer wind in, dusting off the tapestries. His teaching robes had just returned from the laundry, perfectly pressed and awaiting the new term in his wardrobe smelling faintly of the omnipresent lavender.

He met nobody on his way down and finally reached the Hospital Wing to find it empty as well. But on Poppy's desk there was a carafe with water and a half-full glass together with her papers and reading glasses, and Remus knew he simply had to wait a few minutes until she would reappear again. He considered sitting down on one of the beds, but instead moved on towards the small corridor leading to Severus' private room. He wasn't even halfway down the corridor when the door to the room opened and Poppy herself came out.

She carried a tray laden with a used syringe and two empty vials, looking more tired than she had this morning, although she smiled upon seeing Remus. Closing the door behind her Remus didn't have enough time to throw a glance into the room. But he caught a whiff of the air coming from the small private chambers, and couldn't help wrinkling his nose at the scent of blood, sweat and vomit.

Poppy noticed his face and shook her head.

"I feel a lot like blaming you, but I know I shouldn't. You're here because of your hands, I gather?"

She brushed past him and turning on his heel he followed her back into the main room, sitting down on one of the beds and presenting his hands to her to affirm that indeed he was there for that very reason. 

"What happened?"

Leaving her tray on a small cart and quickly washing her hands Poppy returned and cast a glance at Remus' hands before shaking her head and muttering almost to herself.

"I forgot the salve. Wait a moment."

Locating the right jar on her desk took a minute, and when she returned Remus saw the deep lines and signs of tiredness in her face. Carefully screwing the lid off she placed the jar on the bedside table and started to undo the bandages keeping Remus' injured hands clean. Rolling the gauze into neat bundles she carefully set them aside, dipped her own hands into the jar and started to massage the healing salve into Remus' tortured skin. Finally she sighed.

"Apologies, Remus, there was no need for me to snap at you. It wasn't your fault. I blame Albus, though. He always thinks everything could fall into place easily just because he wants it to."

Nodding Remus watched her work the salve into his skin, her touch firm yet careful.

"How is Severus?"

She sighed again, picking up fresh bandages from the side table and busying herself wrapping Remus' hands neatly.

"Well, he's still alive, but there's not much more to it. He had a seizure, or maybe something like a flare up, I can't say exactly what happened. But it's like nothing I've seen before. Extreme cases of Cruciatus damage are rare for obvious reasons, and those few patients we have usually have long since slipped into insanity and feel nothing or can't communicate anymore."

She finished with Remus' right hand and turned to his left one.

"I believe that overexertion triggers seizures, and in this case it was obviously Albus' insane questioning. He should have known better, he's been working with Severus for such a long time now. We all know that Severus would rather drop dead then admit that he needs to rest - but that only means we have to be more careful."

For a short moment she glared angrily at the bandages, but then restrained herself and shook her head.

"Well, it isn't your fault, of course. I'm simply - " She paused for a brief moment while securing the bandage completely.

" - I worry, Remus, too much maybe. I am by no means an expert on these issues, and it frightens me. There will come a day when I won't have the capacity to care for him anymore. And what are we going to do then? I don't know."

She patted his fingers, gently besides the hard edge in her voice.

"Your hands will be perfectly healed by tomorrow so you can finally take a good long shower."

Nodding he tried to smile at her, vainly hoping that he didn't have to worry about smelling bad. Her face, in any case, betrayed nothing.

"I will, thank you."

He pushed himself off the bed.

"So I shouldn't visit Severus now, I gather?"

Poppy was already busy gathering her supplies again.

"You could, but he's out like a light. Nothing I could do but knock him into unconsciousness. Something has to happen, soon, but I don't know what."

The defeat in her voice terrified Remus for a moment and he searched for words to reassure her that things would be fine. But nothing came into his mind that he could say that wasn't an obvious lie. There was nothing he could do to help, and he was painfully aware of it.

"Something will come up, Poppy."

Her stare gave away that she was unconvinced.

"I do hope you're right. Now go, and eat something. I will join you at the table soon."

That was as close as she would get to dismiss Remus, and he took the order and made his way out of the Hospital Wing. But it seemed as if the subtle scents accompanied him downstairs to the Orchard, and it took the soft wind a few minutes to carry away the lingering smell of blood and sweat and clear his mind of the terrifying images it offered.

He knew the effects of the Cruciatus by heart, could recount everything the books said and then a few things more he knew by experience. He had never been victim to that particular curse, but his days in the field during the first Voldemort wars had made him privy to more than one thing he'd rather forget about. But all the images were still in his mind, and uncalled for they came crawling forward. Adding to that he could draw from a large pool of wisdom about pain, about breaking, about being close to dying and begging for it, for the sweet silence that would follow endless horror. The pain could be like noise in his ears, filling his very being with a shrill, vibrating screech. He had been waiting for death to pull him out of this tumult for so many times, and it had never happened. 

But apparently he now had to add new knowledge to his internal database of cruelties. He hadn't know that the Cruciatus did more than simply inflict pain once, that the curse could take up residence in someone's body, lying in wait and then suddenly reappearing. He wondered if it came back in full force or if it remained a shadow of itself, remains of dark power and the will to hurt. He wondered if it was triggered by tiredness of the victim or if there was anything else needed - a source of energy, foreign magic, impulses of power. The scholar in him felt the urgent need to catalogue, to examine and analyse, and press the question until a solution would present itself.

He had missed many opportunities to do so already. He should have been able to connect the dots back when he had met Severus in the corridor at night, where he had obviously been in pain. But back then Severus had also had a solution for his problem, a clear liquid in a vial, and it hadn't done what Poppy had considered her last line of defence - to knock him into unconsciousness. He had been very much alert afterwards, and wandered off by himself. A tiny voice in Remus' head told him that he had no idea whether Severus had ever made it back to his rooms that night, but he pushed it aside quickly. 

No, he needed to think about this more clearly. He needed a notebook and a pencil, and books and more information. He taught Defence Against the Dark Arts, after all, and if this wasn't dark nothing would ever be. There had to be a solution, somehow - but then he arrived at the orchard and found the table already occupied.

More and more faculty members returned from their vacation, and that dinner was always the ideal opportunity to swap holiday stories and exchange plans for the new year. With Filius Flitwicks' return the last Head of House was present in the castle, and after the appetizer had been demolished Albus announced the first round of conferences for the four Heads of House to start the afternoon of the next day with regular faculty meetings from the day after that. Remus briefly wondered how long everybody would buy into the explanation that Severus wasn't feeling well because of a harsh bound of influenza. Poppy shot Albus a disapproving quick glance, but nobody else seemed to notice her disdain or miss Severus.

But then Remus wasn't surprised. Two month ago he himself wouldn't have missed Severus either, given that his absence at any kind of social event wasn't quite out of the ordinary. 

It took a long time until the relaxed mood of the summer night seeped back into Remus and eased his worried mind. Things cleared up remarkably when Sirius appeared and, after being asked in private, assured Remus that he didn't smell, or at least not too terribly.

The next morning Remus slept late after not having been too willing to reactivate his alarm clock spell before the new term was even in his range of sight. The injuries in his hands seemed completely healed, and he enjoyed a long and hot shower, feeling the tension slowly seeping out of his muscles. He used twice the necessary amount of soap and washed his hair as thoroughly as possibly, just to make sure that there was no way he would smell of anything but the rather ordinary muggle shampoo he used. The psychology behind his cleaning orgy was evident to him, though, and he chided himself while combing his hair for still falling prey to the notion that being clean was a human trait. He couldn't wash off the wolf, of course, but that didn't mean he couldn't at least try sometimes. Every man needed his illusions, especially when they kept him alive and sane for a just a little while longer.

Breakfast was a quick affair that day, and not even an hour after he had taken a seat at the table Remus was on his way back up towards the library.  
He kept taking two stairs at a time when suddenly the staircase shuddered under his feet and he managed just in time to cling to the stone railing as it swung around and deposited him in an entirely different part of the castle. He quickly considered using a fair blast of magic to subdue the unruly architecture, but then accepted his fate and took the long walk back avoiding the stairs as much as possible.

The unwanted detour also had the benefit that his way now led him past the Hospital Wing, and without even trying to find an excuse he simply walked into the large room. Poppy was nowhere in sight, but he heard voices down the corridor and followed them taking their presence for a good sign. It wasn't until he pushed the halfway closed door fully open that he realised he had walked into a shouting match between Albus and the very disgruntled Severus.

"I can't believe you - wait! You!"

Instinctively raising his hands, palms turned out in the universal gesture for being unarmed and defeated Remus slowly backed away towards the door again.

"I didn't want to interrupt. I'll see you later."

But Severus' bony index finger had different plans, stabbing the air frantically. He sat upright in his bed, still too thin and grey but visibly agitated, his voice louder than the day before but no less painfully hoarse. The drip had been removed from his hand and nothing but a large bruise remained, finally allowing him a broader range of gestures.

"No, you won't."

Remus threw a questioning glance at Albus, who sat in the armchair and simply mouthed 'Wolfsbane' across the room. Sighing and inwardly cursing his own sense for timing Remus tried to smile.

"Good morning, Severus. I see you're a bit more alive than you were yesterday."

Scowling Severus repeated his gesture, again stabbing the air in lieu of Remus' himself.

"Don't you dare good-morning me, Lupin. Whose idea was that? Yours? Have you lost all sense of reality? Are you both crazy?"

Still trying to keep his smile firmly in place and himself out of reach Remus nodded in Albus' general direction.

"I see Albus told you about the experiment."

That seemed to push Severus over the brink of his self-control, and for the first time Remus felt genuinely lucky that the man didn't have his wand on him or enough strength to command his powers without it. 

"Experiment! That was no experiment, that was half-crazed idiocy. You could have blown up the entire castle! Killed both of you!"

Throwing both of his bony hands up he turned to Albus.

"And don't you dare smiling! He - " Severus carelessly waved into Remus' direction " - doesn't know better. But you! Using my lab! Without my permission! If you weren't the damn Master of the whole bloody Guild I would seriously consider reporting you. Why do you come up with these useless rules if you don't keep to them yourself?"

Remus couldn't help but be impressed with Severus' newfound ability to croak that many sentences without falling prey to a prolonged coughing fit, and with enough strength that he came close to his usual authority. Albus seemed to think along the same lines.

"Now, please, Severus, calm down and - "

But Severus wasn't done.

"Calm down? After what you have done? Have you lost your mind? Playing with a Hyle-based potion! Without proper security spells or enough expertise to even understand what is happening! Did you even realise how dangerous that was? You could have killed Remus!"

Remus and Albus simultaneously opened their mouth to say something. But before either of them managed to utter a word a sudden plop sounded and a houseelf, clad into a violet sock and a blue kitchen-towel, stood in the room.

"What now?"

The creature flinched at Severus' hoarse bellowing and turned to Albus.

"Headmaster, Nassy was ordered to report that Member of the Board Lucius Malfoy is at the gates. He says he has appointment with Professor Snape."

The elf cast a quick glance at Severus, but obviously decided that it would be safer to stick to Albus and inched closer to the headmaster.

"Thank you. Please inform him that we will see him here in about five minutes and accompany him up."

The house elf nodded, cast another terrified glance at Severus and disappeared. Stunned Severus stared at Albus, his wrath replaced by unfeigned surprise.

"How come you didn't tell me?"

Albus shrugged.

"Because I didn't know. How unusual. You did not receive any note?"

Severus shook his head, but Remus suddenly remembered something and felt the quick impulse to bury his head in his hands. The black bird. Shit.

"I think he might have."

Both men turned to face Remus.

"When I was in Severus' private quarters a bird delivered a note. I didn't look at it, thinking it was none of my business, and placed it on the desk. I guess I should have taken it to Albus?"

Albus nodded, looking carefully neutral, while Severus' face was a perfect mixture of utter horror and the knowledge that he would have to surrender to the cretinism around him one day.

"You were where?"

Remus cleared his throat.

"Albus gave me the temporary password. I retrieved the notebooks, but otherwise I touched nothing."

In a slow owl-like motion Severus turned his head towards Albus.

"You did what?"

Albus raised his hands.

"I accept that you might want my head for this, but please refrain from croaking at me again. If Lucius Malfoy is here and wants to see you we should consider this a perfect chance to find out what really happened and if he had a hand in it. Could you do it?"

Severus face betrayed that he wasn't happy with the idea, but he only sighed, looked to the ceiling for a moment and then nodded.

"Of course. Though I need you to replace the illusion charm." He rubbed his forehead. "Lucius can't see me like this. It won't do."

Albus nodded in agreement, and transferred himself from his chair onto the bed. Reaching out he touched Severus' face slightly, just skimming his cheekbones with a finger, and seconds later Severus was covered by the charm he had worn all these month, looking for all in the world like his usual self, simply a bit more tired. Remus felt the pang in his stomach painfully. Gone were the many too sharp angles in his face, the sad boniness of his wrists and the soft trembling of his fingers. He was thin, still, but his jawbones were far less prominent and his nose seemed strangely in proportion to his face - a concession Remus never thought he would make someday.

Albus dropped his hand to the blanket. But he didn't move for a moment, obviously just as fascinated with seeing Severus as his former self again as Remus was. It took Severus to clear his throat twice until both moved.

"You both need lessons in etiquette."

The coarse voice remained unchanged, reflecting the damage done far more acutely now than before. Albus nodded, smiled and got up from the bed. But whatever he wanted to say drowned in a sharp knock on the door, followed by it being opened completely and Lucius Malfoy in all his dark-cloaked authority stalking into the room.  
He had obviously expected to find Severus on his own and now quickly rephrased his greetings. He nodded towards Albus, cast a disapproving glance at Remus' shorts and then faked a half-smile that would have made any sane person run for the hills. 

"Good morning, Headmaster Dumbledore. Professor - " Remus title' sounded like utter sarcasm on Malfoy's lips, and Remus just managed to suppress the growl and nod back curtly. "- Severus."

Severus didn't even attempt to smile.

"Lucius."

A short moment of silence occurred, until Malfoy remembered what he wanted to say.

"Yes. I meant to speak to you. In private." He added the second sentence quickly, putting emphasize on the words. Albus nodded, the eternal smile unmoved.

"Of course, Mr. Malfoy. Come, Remus, let us continue our discussion outside."

Quickly Remus nodded, and following Albus out of the room closed the door behind him. But his general idea of where 'outside' exactly might be was quickly turned around when Albus caught his sleeve and kept him firmly in place outside the door. A quick move of Albus' hand, and the door turned invisible, giving them both clear sight into the room.

Confused Remus stared at the headmaster, but he simply put a finger to his own lips indicating silence. So much for privacy, then.

Which was obviously what Malfoy was looking for. Through the invisible door Remus saw him draw his wand, casting what clearly was a sound-proofing spell. They saw, but they couldn't hear. Remus wasn't surprised that it only took another swift handmotion from Albus to counteract the spell and they heard the final words of Severus' sentence.

" - come here?"

Lucius Malfoy was still standing in the middle of the room while Severus had moved on the bed, swinging his legs over the edge and sitting straight with his feed solidly on the ground. He was still barefoot, as he had been all the time, wearing the same clothing he had yesterday, only that today the long sleeves hid the Dark Mark from sight. From their position Remus and Albus could only see his straight back, not his face. But they had a clear view on Lucius Malfoy staring down and his diabolic smile.

"You didn't answer my call, so I came to see myself. What an unexpected surprise to see you this - ruined."

The smile intensified, but there was something mocking in his voice.

"I did not receive any message, so as always nothing you say makes any sense. You clearly need to read a dictionary if you're unsure of the meaning of the words you're using. Ruined! Have I turned into a house? I think not."

The eye-roll was almost audible in Severus' rebuke, but Malfoy seemed immune to these finer points of communication. He was there to talk, not to listen.

"Would you rather me calling you weak? And what a sad disaster your voice is. Did you scream yourself hoarse this time around? I wonder how you would cope entirely without your voice, it would make you far more agreeable."

Remus almost growled at the insult and the mere thought.

"Now don't give anyone ideas."

Malfoy laughed, brushing a strand of his perfectly groomed blonde hair back.

"Oh, I would. He'd sew your mouth shut if he didn't need it anymore. But he might no longer, after all. You look rather useless. And where has your wand gone to?"

The slightest movement next to Remus betrayed that Albus had been waiting for this while listening intently.

"Are you quite done now?"

It was astonishing how Severus still sounded calm, almost bored.

"Should I be? What a sight you make! I know people who'd pay me well to have you given into their care like that."

Severus sighed, and then turned his head slightly, looking up to the still standing Malfoy. 

"Fuck you, Lucius."

His voice was still calm, but even in its badly damaged state it had easily slipped into the soft register Severus used when he was at the end of his patience. And he decidedly was. But Remus waited in vain for the explosion. Instead Severus moved, slowly pulling himself up and then slowly walking across the room, Malfoy's eyes constantly clinging to his thin frame. Briefly Remus wondered if he had been up before this instant at all, but it didn't look like it. His steps were slightly uneven and unsteady. And then, just before he reached Malfoy he seemed to stumble lightly. It was only the slightest stagger, a tiny sway out of balance, but it was enough.

Remus felt his own body move forward rather pointlessly. But inside the room Malfoy did just the same, reaching out and catching Severus, steadying him with one hand on an elbow and one around his back, gently but firm.

Then he realised his mistake, and Remus saw it in his face. But Severus already had what he wanted.

"I thought so. You're a fucking imbecile. Sentimentality is finally getting the best of you, and now you're here to cover your tracks."

Lucius shook his head, a smirk on his face. But he seemed unable to remove his hands from Severus' body.

"Apparently the final fall hurt your head. I have no idea what you're talking about."

Severus laughed silently, a ghastly mocking sound, while remaining in what essentially was an embrace.

"You are a bad liar."

He sounded almost affectionate. In a slow movement he lifted a hand and trailed it down Lucius' chest, paying attention to the lapels of his coat, stroking the intricate buttons. Remus saw only his back and Malfoy's hand, now firmly holding on to Severus' t-shirt. The thought that he was just another man who knew how to hold Severus ghosted through Remus' mind, and was gone again.

"You disobeyed your orders. He said dispose of him and you took me away, but you didn't kill me. You took me to your Manor and thought you could fix the damage. But you couldn't. Finally you panicked and dropped me off in the forest here. You betrayed him and he will not be pleased. Sentimentality, Lucius. It will kill you one day."

Severus' voice was but a coarse whisper, but the timbre was now tempting and soft, and all the while he was speaking his hand moved over Malfoys chest, caressing lapels and fabric, finally slipping into the cloak. Remus felt uncomfortable.

"I thought you were dying."

Never ceasing the movement of his hand Severus hummed a response. Remus watched the long fingers undoing one button on Malfoy's shirt, then a second one and just when he felt the urgent need to turn away to not see anymore Severus' hand slipped further down and in a swift motion retrieved his own wand from the inside of Malfoy's jacket. He carelessly threw it on the bed behind him.

"You were supposed to make sure I would."

Malfoy cleared his throat and Severus suddenly stepped back, walked around him with firm steps and sat down on the large window sill. Stretching his legs in front of him he leant back against the stones, and Remus could finally see his face again. But there was nothing that told Remus what he thought he knew. Malfoy stayed where he was for a minute, visibly surprised about the sudden vanishing act and then turned around. Crossing the room he sat down in the reading chair Remus had occupied just the day before, arranged his complicated robes and crossed his legs. He didn't touch his shirt or made any motion to rebutton his collar.

"I didn't disobey him, what do you think of me? He never ordered me to kill you."

Now looking slightly sullen Severus shook his head.

"And you know I won't believe you. Do you still smoke these terrible small cigars?"

Malfoy looked taken aback, but reached into his pocket and produced a silver case.

"Of course I do."

He opened the top while Severus fumbled with the window's opening mechanism and finally pushed parts of it open, allowing the warm air into the room. Then he reached out and took a small brown cigar from the offered case, balancing it between two fingers. His hands were steady.

"Lighten up, will you."

The case vanished again into Malfoys' pocket. Then he turned around, grunted something and waved a hand in the air. A small golden flame appeared above his thumb, dancing slightly in the breeze.

"If you think that is a good idea."

Severus rolled his eyes and held the cigar into the flame. In seconds it was lit, and he briefly sucked on it before he placed it between the fingers of his right hand, dangling it out of the window so the smoke would drift out of the room, just in the way fifteen year old-students who hadn't learnt the proper spells yet did. Like Sirius had done for a long time with Remus sitting next to him, in what seemed a universe away and a century ago.

Malfoy shook his head disapprovingly and the small flame vanished when he closed his hand.

"Are you keen on antagonising the old man?"

Severus exhaled smoke and leant his head back against the stone wall, relaxing slowly with all the joy of a long-term junkie finally getting his fix. Then he shrugged.

"I'm not afraid of him, if that is what you mean."

Remus saw Albus roll his eyes in the dark, his face growing more and more disapproving ever since Severus had requested the cigar from Malfoy, who now was amused.

"Of course not. But you spent a lot of time surrounded by these idiots. And the mudbloods. We should get you out of this infested castle. And what happened to my letter? The bird returned without it."

He wrinkled his nose in disgust. Severus simply shrugged again and took a deep drag before dangling his hand with the cigar out of the window again.

"Who knows what the incompetent Gryffindors running this circus did with it. Do you think I enjoy this masquerade? But it won't be long now." He exhaled the smoke again and it rose to the ceiling in a perfectly round circle. "Where did you leave my cloak and mask?"

Malfoy grinned like a shark.

"At the Manor, of course. I couldn't drop you off with them, after all. Both will be returned to you in perfect condition as soon as you're out of here and the chance of anybody stealing your mail is ruled out. Or shall I send them to your own house?"

It was obvious that he thought of himself as being awfully clever for remembering to take Severus' Death Eater regalia off him before leaving him in a dangerous forest unconscious and half-dead.

"You're a damn fool and nothing more, but it seems we were lucky this time around. Send them here, tomorrow. I will return to my own quarters tonight."

Nodding Lucius seemed strangely disappointed for not being lauded for his foresight and Remus felt the immediate need to take at least twenty points of Slytherin retroactively for overdimensioned stupidity.

Both men sat in silence for a while. Severus continued to smoke the cigar, slowly and with visible enjoyment, most of the time looking out of the window and ignoring that Malfoy was staring at him with growing intensity.

Finally the cigar was almost gone, and Severus dropped the remaining part out of the window. Next to Remus Albus clicked his tongue, but he said nothing. Instead they both watched Severus turn around and towards Lucius and when he spoke again Remus noticed that the cigar had done nothing good for his voice at all.

"You should go or they will think we're plotting world domination."

Slowly he dragged himself upright, and Malfoy followed his example quickly. They stood facing each other again.

"If they knew! Well. You should come to the Manor again before the new year starts. We haven't seen you in a long time. Narcissa is still in France."

Distaste floated over Severus' features for a brief moment but was quickly tucked away again.

"We've discussed that previously, if I remember correctly. Send greetings to your son. I shall seem him when the new year comes."

Malfoy nodded, wordless, and apparently seemed ready to take his leave when Severus raised a hand.

"You got something else of mine that I want back, Lucius."

It was enough to stop Malfoy in his tracks and search through his pockets. Quickly he produced a golden ring, and dropped in unceremoniously into Severus' opened palms. It vanished into the pockets of Severus' trousers.

"Don't steal anything from me ever again."

Malfoys' answer got lost in the small movement he made, stepping closer to Severus and leaning slightly forward as if he were expecting something beyond mere words. As if answering the invitation Severus reached up, curled a long hand around Lucius' neck and pulled him slightly down.

For a brief moment Remus thought they were going to kiss, and he felt an unwelcome feeling rise up that he couldn't really place.

But while Lucius bent down, apparently expecting to be kissed Severus slightly straightened his back and leant in closer, only to say something almost perfectly silent into Lucius' ears, his voice nearly inaudible due to it's hoarseness.

"The next time this happens you will do as ordered and kill me."

Remus' hearing picked the comment up regardless, and for a brief moment he wondered if he had to inform Albus. But then he watched Malfoy's back stiffen and Albus for a brief moment look as if someone had slapped him in the face and he knew that no further comment was necessary.

In the room Severus had pulled back from Malfoy, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"Good-bye, Lucius."

There was a short silence, as if Malfoy wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words. Then he nodded and turned around.

"Good-bye."

Through the door Remus saw the strange look on his face. Then he felt Albus' hand on his arm and himself being pulled down the corridor rapidly. They arrived in the larger main room just in time to hear the door being opened. In an instant Albus sat on one of the beds, crossed is legs and smiled up to Remus.

"As I said, we should consider the replacement of the greenhouses in depth in the next conference. Thank you for your input on the algae situation. Ah, Mr. Malfoy. Have you sorted everything out?"

The three steps down the corridor seemed to have been enough for Malfoy to compose his usual arrogant demeanour and rearrange his clothing.

"I did, indeed. Now there's other business for me in the Ministry. We will meet again at the Board Meeting, I gather. Good-bye."

He didn't even bother to acknowledge Remus' presence. Albus simply nodded and smiled.

"Of course we shall. Have a good day."

There came no reply as they watched the back of Malfoy's cloak retreat. The door fell close with a firm pull of his hand. Albus only looked at the closed door, for a moment silent. Then he got up and turned around.

"Apologies for pushing you around, but it was necessary. Let us go back."

Unclear what kind of comment Albus wanted to hear Remus simply nodded and followed him back. It seemed that the headmaster had run out of useless pleasantries.  
When they entered through the now again very sturdy wooden door they found Severus sitting on the side of his bed, bare feet on the ground and leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. The scent of the cigar was only faint, and the windows closed again. His wand lay neatly placed on the small table next to the bed. He only turned his head slightly upon their entrance.

"Knock! How often do I have to say it?" He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Are you content? All your questions are answered."

Albus stopped in the middle of the room.

"Indeed they almost all are, and I'm very much relieved to hear the truth. You had no idea you were at Malfoy manor?"

Severus shook his head slightly, his gaze fixed to the wall. He looked deadly tired, even with the illusion charm in place.

"Now that I do know some things I still remember make sense. Before everything was unclear."

Still staring at the wall he suddenly looked incredulous. 

"And he thought himself smart to take the mask and the cloak and then forgot about the Dark Mark. How can his logic be that flawed?"

It was obvious that it wasn't a question that demanded an answer. He seemed to try to continue his thoughts, but his voice finally failed him, and he coughed into his hands. Remus felt the need to say something, but couldn't think of anything fitting. 

When Severus had gained control over his voice again he looked up.

"Go. Both of you."

Albus opened his mouth to say something, but a raised hand stilled him.

"No. Leave. I'll be there for the meeting this afternoon."

WIthout uttering a sound Albus closed his mouth again and turned around. Remus followed him, and together they left the room. Looking back over his shoulders before Albus closed the door Remus saw Severus still sitting on the bed, his back painfully straight and stiff, his glance fixed onto the wall, unseeing. He didn't move.

Then the door was closed, and after a short nod Albus marched down the corridor and was gone from sight before Remus could say anything. All that remained was the solid door and in Remus a feeling that no matter how hard he tried again and again there would always be a piece missing for him to really understand what was going on. He felt a slow anger rising in him that he was being pushed around and used for plans he would never be allowed to play an active part in.

Stalking down the corridor and out of the Hospital Wing he made his way back to his rooms. There was nothing to do for him anywhere else and he had the next day's conference to prepare. It wasn't even lunch time yet, and the day was long enough to ensure that plenty of work could be done. But even later as he sat at his desk he couldn't help wondering about what he had seen. The image of Severus' hand around Malfoys' neck stayed in his mind, platinum blonde hair curled around long pale fingers. It had been in Malfoys' instant reaction to the movement, as if he were used to being touched by Severus, something Remus had expected all along but never really thought about. He recalled the conversation he had overheard in the corridor, weeks ago while chopping ingredients in Severus' private lab.

Remus stared out of his window, his books and paper work in front of him but untouched. Malfoy had tried to protect Severus, that much was for sure. He had picked him up and brought him to his own home, probably expecting to be able to care for him. It was a strange kindness Malfoy had shown, although the final idea of dropping Severus off in the forest had been fatally flawed. But then it had worked against all odds, and in the end saved Severus' life.

There were layers and layers of meaning behind their actions that Remus wasn't able to decipher, no matter how much he tried to wrap his head around them. But he arrived at only one single conclusion: that Malfoy cared for Severus, whatever that would mean. Their talk had been easy and their movements around each other with a well-worn quality. Familiarity, that was it, and it was more than enough to make Remus jealous.

He wondered how Malfoy felt after being essentially ordered by Severus to kill him the next time. He thought the scenario through, but he couldn't find a sufficient answer. Only the hope that it wouldn't happen - for Severus, for himself, and also for Lucius Malfoy. He hated the man, a feeling he was sure was mutually. But he had also seen his face as he turned around to leave. Fear had been written clearly over Malfoys' features, for only a brief second, and for probably the only time in his life Remus completely understood the man.


	24. Whom Fortune favours

The evening marked the first time the entire faculty was present again. Wandering down to the orchard after spending most of the afternoon organising his office and sorting his paperwork Remus saw how the table had grown, magically enlarged to fit everyone. Chatter and laughter drifted through the garden, and before taking his seat he made his round, greeting his colleagues who had been absent for most of the summer. Most smiled and greeted him warmly, but Sybill Trelawny grasped his hands in a tight hold, stared right through him with her eyes large behind her thick glasses and in whispered tones told him how she had foreseen a large mussel crisis in the small French costal village she had retreated to and had almost been chased away by the muggle population for her behaviour. He only managed to free himself from the landslide of her story-telling after promising to drop by her rooms for a cup of tea later that week. For now saved he smiled one last time and took his own chair next to Minerva. 

Slightly amused he noticed that he was the only one still wearing his relaxed and decidedly muggle summer clothing, with most others already being in various states of proper academic dress. But it was still warm, and everybody seemed to have a hard time easing themselves back into their formal persona. There were a few hair escaping from Minerva's bun, Pomona Sprout had already thrown off her outer cloak to reveal her tattered work clothing, and Filius Flitwick wore spectacular robes in deepest blue with golden embroidery. Remus had to look at him twice before he recognized the Ravenclaw crest admidst the intricate pattern, a display of pride he would never show during term time when he was adamant in his stance that house rivalries were nothing but a waste of time better spent on academic work. His black robes were a fixture in the Hogwarts colour palette, just like the endless array of dark cloaks Severus wore. For a moment Remus tried to imagine every Head of House dressed in their colours - bright red robes for Minerva, with a lion roaring on the back of the cloak, Pomona in a shocking yellow with black stripes in badger fashion, Severus in heavy brocade with silver snakes slowly gliding over the dark green thick fabric. Only when Remus realised that the pattern he imagined for Severus' cloak was too close to the one he had seen on his Death Eater robes he pulled his thoughts back to the present and cast a quick glance at the actual Severus, who of course wasn't wearing even a hint of green. 

Leaning back in his chair, leisurely dressed in his semi-formal combination of a white shirt over dark trousers he discussed something with Filius that obviously had already been on the agenda in the afternoon's meeting of the four Heads with Albus. Filius listened intently, but shook his head from time to time and obviously wasn't agreeing with Severus in the slightest. There was a hint of frustration in Severus' face, but otherwise he looked very much like himself again. Only his voice remained slightly coarse, albeit a bit smoother than before, fitting to the excuse of a terrible cold Albus had used the day before.

It wasn't term time yet, but the atmosphere had begun to shift away from the lightness of summer. There were only a few more days until the students returned, and it would only be a matter of very few weeks until the days would be shorter, the nights longer, and autumn upon them.

And Sirius was missing. With the full faculty present he couldn't risk being seen any longer, and Remus deeply regretted not having realised sooner that summer passing also meant the reappearance of Padfoot once more. The dog was nowhere to be seen, though, and Remus expected to find his best friend sulking on his sofa when he returned to his rooms.

The conversation at the table died away when Albus picked up his wine glass and rose. His welcoming speech was short, reminding everybody present of the conferences starting tomorrow, and welcoming the returning staff to the castle. There would be another dinner, larger and far more festive, before the students would arrive - but for now Albus made it clear that they had a lot of work ahead. Everybody nodded, clapped with remarkable enthusiasm and clinked their glasses.  
The chatter resumed over the appearance of the food. Dinner was plenty and delightful as always, and Remus took a good helping of the platter with perfectly prepared steak that Minerva offered him.

"Eat, Remus, we have a lot of work ahead of us. I can't believe summer is almost gone, where did the time go? Sometimes I think it must be my age."

She shook her head, but smiled approvingly when Remus picked a particularly good looking piece of meat and then in return helped herself when Remus took over the platter.

"I wonder, too. Maybe we should keep time-turners around, it would help with getting all the work done."

Two chairs over Albus looked up from his potatoes and clicked his tongue.

"We all learnt our lesson when we handed one of these to Mrs. Granger that year, we shouldn't repeat our mistakes. But if I had one in my robes and handed it to you right now, what would you do with your won time, Remus?"

Gaining a bit more time by reaching over and transferring a good amount of salad onto his plate Remus carefully considered his options. 

"Probably think through that rather idiotic idea I had teaching the third years about exploding fairies. And work out where I'll get a boggart from this year. The one in my desk suddenly vanished one day, I gather the houseelves just cleaned up a bit too thoroughly."

The answer elicited laughter from those sitting close to him, and the conversation shifted away quickly. It was only later, nursing his glass of rosé, that Remus came to wonder what exactly he would do if he could travel back and win time. His answer, if given honestly, would probably take him a long way back into the past, to brighter days where his future was still a horror of unknown depth, but sufficiently far away.

Amongst the chatter of his colleagues he drifted off into his daydreams and only returned to the present time when the bowl of Tiramisu floated directly in front of his face. Looking up from the levitating dessert he saw Minerva smile at him, her spell keeping the bowl just under Remus' nose.

Apologising for his absent-mindedness he picked up the serving spoon. When he was done the bowl continued to float down the table, and he noticed how Filius easily took the spell over from Minerva and sent the dessert further towards Hagrid. The dish gently glided towards his outstretched hands, past the empty spot where Severus had sat just moments ago. He had left almost unnoticed, vanishing in the dusk towards the castle without anyone trying to talk him into staying longer. There was work to do, apparently, and no time for idle chatting.

The next morning Remus realised that the same was true for him. He hardly found time for breakfast before he settled down in his usual spot in the large conference room used by the faculty for their meetings, and then he tried is best not to drown in the flood of discussions, preparations and plans. There was so much to think about that didn't even touch his own teaching. There were Hogsmead visits to plan, the traditional festivities to arrange and dates for Quidditch matches to be fixed. When the dates for the try-outs for new players were agreed upon even Remus wrote them down. He enjoyed watching Quidditch, even though he had never played himself, and since Ravenclaw needed a new seeker the try-outs were bound to be spectacular this term. 

Many hours later Albus finally knocked on the table and closed their meeting, sending them off to lunch or their respective work. Rising from his chair Remus had to carefully stretch. He hadn't dropped his arms yet when Albus mentioned in his direction, requesting him to stay for a while. Watching the faculty file out of the door in various speeds he waited until the door closed behind Severus and Minerva, who were already bantering over which house would get this year's inevitable Quidditch prodigy.

"It's always a lot of talk, isn't it?"

Albus smiled, looking down at the mountains of paperwork he had in front of him and somehow managed to remain master of, much to Remus' admiration. 

"Yes, I'm impressed. Is there already a betting pool for the House Cup?"

There was, and Remus quickly learnt that he could deposit his wager after the try-outs. Then Albus finally told him why he had held Remus back: he had fixed a meeting with Severus that afternoon to run a few tests on the Wolfsbane, to determine what exactly had gone wrong with the potion. Remus immediately was curious and promised to be present. 

It was exactly three o' clock when he climbed the stairs to Severus' laboratory once more, perfectly on time for his usual lessons. With a small pang of regret he realised that those days were over now, and he pushed the door open feeling the sadness of a missed opportunity. But he had no time to indulge in these thoughts for longer. 

To Remus' surprise the laboratory wasn't as empty as he had expected it to be. It seemed that Severus had somehow managed to find time to work despite the whirlwind of preparations the new term had brought with it. On a bench a small cauldron was propped up over an unlit fire place, several jars stood waiting for further attention, and the two large notebooks on Wolfsbane were lying closed at the other end of the table, stacked a safe distance away from the fire and possibly paper-eating substances.

The door at the back of the room leading to the storage room was open and he could clearly hear Albus' voice calmly explaining something. But even before Remus had made his way over to the small chamber Albus emerged, still talking.

" - redid none of your calculations, as you know. Ah, Remus, I'm glad you could join us."

Smiling Albus wandered over to the bench, careful not to accidentally brush something off the table with his wide hems.

"Maybe I can be useful."

Albus nodded and turned back to the chamber.

"I'm sure you will be. Severus, we're now complete. Shall we begin?"

It took a few seconds until the answer came.

"I'm not deaf, Albus, I heard him arrive. Give me half a minute more."

Severus' voice was still slightly raspy, but he had audibly regained a good amount of his strength and Remus couldn't help but grin. Albus understood immediately.

"Yes, I'm glad to see him up and screeching, too."

The clicking of jars moved around could be heard from the storage chamber, and Remus decided to simply nod and then change the topic. It seemed safer to discuss the upcoming feast on September first, the traditional day Hogwarts welcomed her students back. Albus, who was always willing to talk about food, took to the opportunity and explained his internal struggle about this year's menu. He was faced with the difficult decision whether it was better to serve an autumn inspired salad for starters or rather a slightly heavier selection of black puddings with dark bread. To Remus' luck he didn't have to express his culinary despair at eating black pudding as a starter, as Severus interrupted their argument just on time.

Leaning against the door frame from the inside he poked his head out of the chamber and cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Apologies for interrupting your important discussion of the horrors our local cuisine provides. Albus, where and how did you store the remaining Hyle?"

Albus frowned and turned around fully.

"There was no Hyle left over, of course."

Remus watched Severus' eyebrow rise in what felt like slow-motion.

"There was no Hyle left?"

Shrugging Albus confirmed his statement.

"Yes. Didn't you just say you weren't deaf?"

Pushing himself off the doorframe he was leaning against Severus fully emerged from the storage chamber. He was dressed for work, wearing the same tattered laboratory robe Remus had seen on him so many times this summer.

"Maybe I was just hopeful."

He crossed through the lab and joined them at the bench.

"At least that will save us from a lot of unnecessary and likely time-consuming work."

The confusion on Albus' face was visible and even Remus had no idea what Severus exactly meant.

"We used the Hyle from the storage room, of course. Remus told me you had already prepared it, and from what I saw he was correct. It was measured in a clear jar, and appropriately labelled. I tested it, of course, and found it in perfect quality."

Severus nodded along to every word.

"Of course it was of perfect quality, Libavius made it. You tested it, you said, but you did not measure it again?"

Albus and Remus nodded at the same time, while Severus' looked more and more exasperated.

"It was prepared, but it wasn't measured. Routinely I keep a small amount of the Hyle I use for the Wolfsbane back. It's mostly a precaution in case later issues with the potion arise, but nevertheless it's important. Therefore the amount in the jar was more than the formula called for."

His voice remained calm and very matter-of-fact, but it was obviously that he was angry at both of them - though Remus had a suspicion that most of it would be directed towards Albus, whose face had fallen remarkably.

"Oh dear."

For the second time that week Severus looked like a man who would like to take a shotgun off the wall and put a few bullets into his guests. And then a few more, just to make sure.

"Don't bloody oh-dear-me, Albus. How could you ignore the most fundamental rule and not redo all the measurements? That's basic procedure. Never trust anything you haven't measured or calculated yourself!"

Albus shook his head, visibly embarrassed at the mistake, and Remus couldn't help but come to his aid.

"I think we just believed that the Hyle in the jar was the precise amount."

He regretted his mistake immediately.

"This is not about believe, Lupin. We're talking about science, and that requires precision. Are you even aware what could have happened?"

With a shooing hand-motion Albus tried to soften the blows.

"Now, please. Nothing did happen, after all, although we might have had more luck than everything. Fortuna favet fortibus, wouldn't you agree? At least we know what went wrong now. And we learnt a lot, all of us."

While speaking he had slowly slipped into the soothing tone he used to calm down anxious students who had nearly blown up the castle, their classmates or their teachers. While Remus felt as if he were twelve again it was obvious that the trick didn't work on Severus at all, who now looked dangerously close to the point where he really would consider conjuring a shotgun and follow his inner calling to indulge in a quick and probably highly cathartic shooting spree.

"Fortune favours bloody idiots, it seems."

Albus only smiled, ignoring the acid in Severus' voice.

"Maybe, and if yes than I'm glad to be an idiot. Now, I have so many things to tend to that I'll leave you both to the discussion. Since we've found the culprit there is no need to run the tests, I gather. I'll see both of you at dinner."

And with that and a swirl of light blue robes he was gone, making sure to properly close the door behind him, ignoring the two men staring at his back. His steps hadn't even trailed off in the corridor when Severus sighed, rubbing his forehead. Remus immediately felt sympathetic, knowing fully well that this probably wasn't the first time Albus had simply vanished to leave Severus cleaning up some kind of mess.

"How often have you considered killing Albus?"

Dropping his hands and moving over to start clearing the workspace already set up Severus shrugged.

"More often than I have actually been ordered to do so by now, and that was quite a number of times. I usually restrain myself, though it gets more and more difficult each time."

Grinning Remus nodded, and busied himself to help Severus return the jars and cauldron to their proper places. He was accurately aware that he would miss these small, fleeting moments in which he was suddenly aware of being close to the man usually tucked away behind the mask of illusion spells and cold disinterest. Only a few more days and these opportunities would be gone completely.

When everything was cleared away again Severus picked up the Wolfsbane notebooks, and together they exited the laboratory. The corridor was flooded with sunlight falling in through the windows, and Remus felt his sadness deepen when he thought about the bleak winter month ahead of them. The door closed with an almost inaudible click behind them.

"I'll return to my office, then. You probably have a lot of work as well."

Severus nodded.

"Obviously, term is near. I also want to do a few calculations with the amount of Hyle you actually used in the Wolfsbane. There might be interesting side effects. Would you be available in case I have any questions?"

Remus agreed immediately, and then nodded goodbye. But before he moved to leave Severus held him back.

"Good. And there is something else I would like to discuss with you. If you have no plans for the late afternoon?"

No plans he couldn't and wasn't willing to push aside. So Remus agreed to knock on Severus' door around five or six in the late afternoon and they parted ways.

It was inevitable that Remus spent the remaining hours split up between preparing his classes for the new year and wrecking his mind about the reason why Severus asked him to come to his private quarters. A few of those possible scenarios made Remus rather restless, and he tried to push them from his mind again and again unsuccessfully.

Finally it was half past five, the ideal time to arrive somewhere if the given hour had been between five and six. Trying to remain as calm as possible Remus marched up the stairs and arrived in Serpens tower in front of the heavy wooden door once more. This time there was no password to be said, and he knocked on the door firmly three times. It opened only seconds later, noiselessly guided by magic.

There was no one behind it, and Remus stepped into the small hallway.

"Good afternoon."

There was no immediate reply, and after Remus had entered the hallway the door shut behind him. He stood in the soft dim light for a moment and then walked through the small entrance towards the living room.

It was obvious that the master of the house had returned, with a certain sense of life lingering in the well-furnished room. There was no chaos or untidiness, but sure signs of someone living in these rooms. The large sofa had a blanket thrown across one armrest that no one had bothered to fold. On the coffee table books, stacks of official paperwork and four notebooks lay, together with a muggle fountain pen and a half-filled glass of water next to a carafe. It was obvious that Severus had been sitting on the sofa working, with the loose pages scattered on the table and the notebooks still opened. Remus saw a mass of crossed out, underlined or corrected numbers and alchemic symbols that made absolutely no sense to him but pointed towards are rather creative working process he was glad he didn't have to understand anytime soon.

The light curtains had been drawn back completely, allowing the view over the grounds. The light filtered through the window panes, and one window had been opened. The air was warm and filled with the scents of the forest that came in with the breeze.

For a short moment Remus stood useless in the middle of the room, not knowing whether to wait here or to progress into the library. He didn't have to wonder for a longer time, though, as Severus came into view through the open doorway soon, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up in a small concession to the warmth of the day.  
He carried another book and a piece of paper, and nodded in Remus general direction.

"Good afternoon. Since you've been here before I saw no need to usher you in. Have a seat, if you wish."

There was a strange politeness in his tone, unusual for their private conversations yet utterly familiar to Remus. How again had they gone from nearly shagging in the laboratory to this? Remus was already moving over to the sofa when he remembered that Severus had, in fact, lost parts of his memory, and Remus had no idea whether he had regained everything by now. Maybe their encounter in the laboratory had been lost with them, too?

He pondered a few ways to find out whether his theory would hold up or not, but couldn't come to an immediate solution of his problem. So he pushed it away and made himself comfortable on the sofa, while Severus placed the book he had taken from his library and the piece of paper on the coffee table and folded his long limbs into one of the armchairs opposite the sofa. He crossed his legs, propped his elbows up on the armrest and stapled his fingers - a universal gesture of removed aloofness if Remus had ever seen one. But the sofa was comfortable, and his curiosity kept nagging.

"You're working on the calculations?"

Severus nodded towards the table.

"Just for a short hour, it would need more time if it were to be done thoroughly. But so far all I've seen has ensured me in my firm believe that you were very lucky. Hyle is nothing to mess around with, even in very small quantities."

And they were back at that conversation thread again.

"Yes, I imagine. But fact is that the potion worked, even though not as perfectly as is usually does. Some of the secondary effects didn't work at all, of course. Something else was missing, too, but I can't quite put my finger on it."

Severus tipped his head slightly to the side as if he were stretching muscles in his neck, and Remus thought he heard the joints in his neck pop. Then he focused on Remus again.

"What do you mean by missing?"

Remus shrugged. 

"I can't really describe it. Something was lacking, it felt unfamiliar. But besides that the potion was working."

Severus nodded reluctantly.

"Apparently it did. Albus gave me a full report of your experience, and from what I gathered you transformed without incidents and remained mostly lucid. Poppy told me you nearly tore your hands apart, which apparently seems to be a psychologically interesting habit your wolf form has developed when not under influence of Wolfsbane. I recall hearing about it before from her."

The summary of his experience was correct, but Remus didn't like everything he heard.

"Psychologically interesting? Care to elaborate?"

Severus shrugged.

"There's not much to say. Beings of any form have a tendency to destroy what they don't like, and I would imagine a Werewolf isn't different. Internal denial, maybe? I don't know much about transitions of human consciousness into animal bodies, obviously, since I'm not an animagus."

Looking at his hands Remus felt anger slowly rising.

"Finally we found something you can't do. Are you trying to tell me that the paws are the one thing the wolf sees and tries to destroy in lieu of itself?"

Severus shrugged, still seeming only clinically interested.

"Maybe. I haven't spent much time thinking about that particular problem of wolf psychology."

Carefully unclenching his jaw Remus tried not to allow emotions to take him over. He hated talking about the wolf, and especially others who had no share in his experiences talking about it. There was no point in yelling and throwing curses, of course. But if Severus wanted psychology he could just as well have it.

"Interesting. Are you talking about your own experience?"

It took Severus a moment to unravel Remus' comment, and the satisfaction the short silence granted Remus was stronger than it should have been. 

"Would you care to explain what you mean?"

He could hear in Severus' voice that he was moving towards dangerous territory, and he pressed on eagerly.

"With pleasure. The wolf I am might destroy its paws, but have you looked at yourself lately?"

He earned a slight tilt of Severus' head. 

"What an interesting assumption. Pray, tell me more."

The lure of danger was strong. 

"Oh, I think you know what I mean. And if I might risk the analogy - you have a psychologically interesting habit of hiding your scars."

Ever since the past evening Remus had been wondering whether Severus kept the illusion spell up himself or if it was borrowed magic from Albus. As he watched the spell dissolve without as much as a movement from Severus he knew that his initial guess that Severus' magic was slowly returning was right. It was also impressive how quickly Remus had forgotten how terrible Severus looked underneath the gentle cloak of the spell. But even with Remus' gaze trailing over him he remained perfectly still, for once apparently not bothered to be put on display.

"Which one in particular would you like to talk about?"

Loosening his hands he allowed his arms to sink on the armrests of the armchair he was seated in, and as if pulled by invisible strings Remus' gaze dropped on the myriad of scars on his pale skin and the burnt lines of the Dark Mark. He knew he was playing with his own safety, but he was angry enough to continue.

"Well, I might be trying to destroy the wolf, but judging from what I see you tried to kill yourself. Unsuccessfully, I might add."

He expected an explosion, a curse, something, but the only thing he earned was a tired shake of the head. 

"I recall telling you about the dangers of Alchemy."

Remus snorted and tipped on his own right wrist with two fingers of his left hand. 

"That wasn't Alchemy, that was suicide."

The intensity of Severus' gaze was suddenly unsettling, and it felt as if the magical atmosphere in the room was disturbed by something Remus could not quite name. 

"What makes you believe you know what exactly Alchemy is? That you understand everything it can do? Dark magic, and especially very powerful alchemic magic requires blood, Lupin. I don't expect you to understand this, given that you don't know much about the dark arts that can't be found in the textbooks used here, and I can't really blame you for that. On the contrary, I'd advise you to stay far away from it. You might be invoking powers you cannot contend with."

There seemed to be a sudden energy in the room, buzzing in Remus' ears for a split second, and then it was gone. Severus, who had remained completely unmoving until then, unfolded his legs and stretched them out before crossing them at the ankles. 

"I can also assure you that if I'd had any desire to die I would have been gone for a very long time now."

Speaking he pulled up his spell again, and the scars were covered from sight. The Dark Mark, however, remained. Trying to clear his head from the strange buzz Remus blinked, and almost missed the minuscule movements with which Severus rearranged himself in the chair. Remus briefly wondered if he was in pain, but the though vanished from his mind when Severus picked the thread of their conversation up again, his voice suddenly neutral and dry.

"However this is not why I asked you to come. There is something else I'd like to talk about."

Nodding Remus leant back on the sofa, pushing the still lingering aggressiveness back until he would need it again. Severus was a master in antagonising people, and it annoyed Remus that he had so easily fallen prey to tactics he thought he already knew and was immune to. And there was that promising topic of dark magic, the lure of knowledge he was fairly certain Severus had and wasn't willing to share. It triggered Remus' curiosity into overdrive, and he knew that he was very unlikely to ever satisfy his appetite for more information. But Severus continued, pulling Remus from this particular trail of thoughts.

"Well. As you have seen in the past days your plan to brew Wolfsbane by the end of summer turned out to be more complicated than you anticipated. You may have come to the conclusion by now that you would need many more years of training. Seeing that it almost went fatally wrong even when you were guided by Albus I think this point should be clear."

Remus shrugged, and motioned him to continue. That was nothing he had not been aware of, if he was honest. But he was also proud that he had gotten so far in his practice, and he felt slightly snubbed that Severus ignored all of that.

"In any case you do now own the formula, and a capable potionsmaster would be able to supply you with the potion, if given access to the ingredients."

Severus waved a hand to underline his point, and Remus could do nothing but nod again. So far everything was clear.

"I see we do agree. Good. Now - and you may correct me if I'm wrong - strangely enough I have come to the conclusion that what you have gained so far might not have been the true object of your desire. If my memory has not been tainted, and I believe it to be accurate, we had an, ah, interesting discussion in my own lab before I left."

So Severus had not suffered a memory loss. At least Remus now knew, and he immediately felt slightly uncomfortable. He had a sneaking suspicion that this talk was not leading where he thought it would, but Severus continued before he could voice any thoughts.

"So my memory is correct. Then let me ask you a very simple question: what do you actually want from me?"

For a moment Remus admired how quickly Severus had turned their conversation around. Then he realised that he was loosing important time he needed to find a good answer to the question he didn't really know how to answer properly. 

"I did want to know more about the Wolfsbane, for what I believe to be very obvious reasons."

Severus kept his gaze fixed on Remus, obviously not impressed by the answer.

"There is something else."

Suddenly the very comfortable sofa felt increasingly like hot coals, but Remus kept himself tightly under control not to fidget. 

"I'm not actually sure."

At least it was the truth. But it did nothing to satisfy Severus, who fell back into his characteristic impatience and almost jumped from his chair. But instead of pacing the room he only marched over to the window, staring outside, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his dark trousers. He was now closer to Remus' place on the sofa, but with his back almost turned to him felt further away then before. Sighing Remus rubbed his face. This wasn't quite going according to plan. Not that there was any.

"Don't try to buy time, I am already annoyed as it is. I want you to know - " he fell silent in the middle of his sentence, his gaze fixed to something outside the window Remus' couldn't see.

"Yes?"

As if he had fallen asleep standing he startled. He stayed silent for a second or two, and then continued.

"I have always been particularly fond of playing games, but right now is a bad moment for idle pastimes. So while this might have been a good way to pass an otherwise empty summer it won't do for the time to come. Whatever you have been trying to achieve or do, you missed the mark. What was this supposed to be, a little prank?"

He stared out of the window for another moment. "I am too tired for this." And it was obvious that he was speaking the truth. The deep lines on his face spoke for that, and the rigidness of his stiff posture.

"A prank? I don't even know what you're talking about."

With sudden anger Severus slammed a flat hand against the stone wall next to the window, but he caught himself again immediately, reigning his temper in with an iron grip Remus would have admired any other day. 

"Then what else were you doing? There is no point in what you've been pulling off here besides a little bit of amusement. A scheme, a practical joke?"

The thought that maybe he should have taken his wand passed through Remus' mind and was gone again, but he still felt the need to stand up and rise to his full height. Somewhere in his chest his anger started to slowly flare up again. 

"I knew you were paranoid, but I never thought it was so bad. How old do you believe we are, fifteen? Not everyone is out to get you, even though you apparently refuse to acknowledge it."

Now turning fully around so they were facing each other Severus glared at him.

"How flattering. So we're no longer schoolboys, and I would agree. Then what on earth is this about?"

His anger seemed to liven him up remarkably, restoring strength to his posture and voice. But Remus was far from being impressed.

"You're a bloody idiot, truly. The most obvious things are hidden to you. So, let me offer you an explanation you've never thought about. What, for example, if I were to enjoy working with you? Or, heaven forbid, simply like being in your company?"

There was just enough poisoned honey in Remus' voice to make his comments bite, but Severus had a thick skin. 

"Unlikely. Get to your point."

It took all of Remus' patience to keep him from growling. 

"Unlikely, really? Why do you think I kissed you in your laboratory, then?"

To his surprise Severus shrugged. 

"I admit I have been wondering about that. But there could be many reasons, and none of them necessarily backs your explanation. Sex has nothing to do with personal affection, and trust me when I say I do know a thing or two about that."

Suddenly Remus was happy that he didn't have his wand, for he wasn't sure if he could still be held accountable for his actions. 

"And what if it does? Could you even cope with that?"

Severus blinked, twice. 

"What are you trying to imply? There's no logic in your argument."

Self-control was fine and dandy, but Remus was done with it. 

"Fuck your logic, Severus. Life isn't about logic."

To his surprise there was no answer. Severus remained silent, and then simply turned around and looked out of the window for a brief moment, too obviously hiding the fact that he needed more time to process what Remus had said. For a few long seconds Remus remained where he was, and then decided to take the chance and at least get closer to Severus to turn their discussion into something that didn't resemble a verbal duel. 

Carefully he moved closer to the window, standing next to him and following his gaze out of the window. The silence grew, slowly, and suddenly Remus realised that Severus wasn't speaking because he didn't know what to say. A quick glance proved his theory. Severus looked like a man trying to finish a puzzle where the final pieces just weren't fitting. It was enough for the anger in Remus' veins to suddenly die away, leaving space for other feelings. One of them was compassion, and he made his voice as soft as possible.

"Alright, let me give you some logic if that is what you need."

Severus said nothing, but he didn't move away. Sighing Remus rubbed his forehead and decided to take the plunge. 

"I like you, so kissed you. Is that a line of reasoning that makes sense to you?"

For a second Severus closed his eyes, opened them again and then turned to Remus. 

"I still don't - "

But Remus' raised hand silenced him easily. 

"Logic, alright? Here's more logic: I still like you, and I'd like to kiss you again. So I'll do that, unless you object."

The confusion on Severus' face was a thing of utter beauty, but Remus was otherwise occupied with leaning closer and then, very slowly and gently, kissing him. It was just a short kiss, the sexual equivalent of a toe dipped into water to see if the lake was too cold for swimming. But Severus' lips were not cold, and he didn't flinch back when Remus slowly raised a hand and wrapped it around his neck, pulling him closer. Under his fingertips he felt a softly fluttering pulse, but no rejection.  
After indulging into that tiny sensation under his fingertips for a moment Remus loosened his touch, letting his hand slide down between Severus' far too prominent shoulder blades, feeling and counting the vertebrae underneath the thin layer of clothing and flesh.

But he didn't feel the soft surrender he was used to. Severus seemed to enjoy the kiss, returned it with no hesitation, but his body remained stiff, muscles tensing up as Remus' hands slid over them instead of relaxing into the inviting touch.

Through the haze of getting what he had waited for Remus felt his brain spring into action. For a second he chastised himself internally - wasn't he supposed to think blissful nothingness at this moment? Or at least only, maybe, plot for a good move to take things further into the right direction?

But his mind had different ideas, sorting quickly through what he saw and felt. There was no chance Severus' physical reaction would betray a hidden unwillingness, and Remus wasn't under any illusions concerning Severus' ability to defend himself easily. His mind added the images from moments ago and came to a very logical conclusion that didn't add to the atmosphere in the slightest.

Resigning himself to his internalised care-complex Remus carefully broke the contact. Back to logic, then.

"Why didn't you tell me you're that exhausted?"

Severus blinked rapidly, his face still strangely void of emotion. But Remus remembered the quick pulse under his fingers and didn't give in to the illusion.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

Their short encounter had done magnificent things to his voice, and the slight hoarseness and new depth made Remus feel a rising anticipation he pushed down again immediately, but not without a pang of regret.

"You do. What do you need?"

The look of incredulity on Severus' face was quickly replaced by his usual neutrality.

"As I said - I do not know what you're talking about. But you might want to leave."

But Remus wasn't that easy to put off. He knew the game by now, and how to play it. He carefully pushed every emotion off his face, formed his voice into a disinterested cadence and shrugged.

"Fine with me. I'll just drop by the Hospital Wing and inform Poppy."

In the same moment he moved away, ostensibly to leave. But Severus' reaction was fast. Reaching out he got hold of Remus' arm and kept him in place. Instantly yielding Remus turned around again, allowing for a wry smile on his face. Severus, on the other hand, immediately seemed to regret his almost involuntary movement. Trying to regain whatever part of his dignity he had already lost he crossed his arms in front of his chest and cleared his throat.

"That won't be necessary."

Remus mimicked his gesture.

"Oh, really. Then why are you so keen on preventing it?"

Severus growled and Remus noticed how tight his long fingers were digging into his crossed arms. It was only a small detail, but it encouraged Remus to speed the negotiating process up.

"I see. Then let me offer you a deal. You rest, right now, and inform me about anything I can do. I will come by and see how you're doing later tonight. But if you're worse I will inform Poppy. Agreed?"

Growling again Severus shook his head.

"I do not even begin to understand why you are doing this."

Dropping his own hands Remus let the scrowl slip off his own face.

"Didn't we just establish that I like you? Go and rest."

Their staring match lasted mere seconds before Severus gave in, a clear indicator that Remus had done exactly the right thing. Turning away he made his way past Remus towards his bedroom. Carefully watching him Remus noticed that his movements were unsteady, as if he needed to find his balance anew with every step. He was mere moments away from breaking down completely, Remus realized, and cursed himself for not picking up on these minor details earlier. 

Severus had reached the doorway leading to his bedroom when he glanced back over his shoulders.

"I see you developed quite a fondness for blackmail. What a surprising new side. There's a vial in my laboratory, and since we've done this before you know what you're looking for."

Remus nodded and spread his arms while feigning innocence.

"Desperate times, as they say. How's the password? I will need the one for your laboratory as well."

Severus' sigh still hinted at his frustration with the situation, but he gave up quickly. Still standing in the doorframe he touched a hand to the wall, palm flat against the thick stone, and kept it there for a second.

In an instance Remus felt a soft change of air and imagined he saw a ripple run through the wall as if it were made out of water instead of solid stone. He blinked, but the sensation was gone again.

"Licet will work. The laboratory door should react to your touch by now."

Without further ado Severus trudged off, vanishing in his bedroom. Always being in favour of granting privacy Remus waited for a few more moments. But when he heard nothing suspicious besides rustling of covers and pillows being moved he decided upon leaving. Throwing a last glance through the large window in the living room and marvelling at the rays of sunshine dancing on the forbidden forest he turned around and saw himself out.

The door closed behind him with the same deep click as is had the last time. But this time he had a password and made a promise to return, one he would decidedly keep. He was a man of his word, after all, and he only felt slightly guilty as he made his way over to the Hospital Wing to ask Poppy for advice and to inform her about the vial he'd pick up in Severus' laboratory on the way there.


	25. Melting darkness

Remus' visit to the Hospital Wing was only short. He had dropped by the laboratory and found the vial Severus had mentioned on the bookshelf, easy to identify because it was the only one not properly tucked away in the storage chamber. Poppy was more than surprised when Remus delivered it into her hand. Turning the vial in the light against the window she frowned at the clear liquid inside. 

"Are you sure?"

Remus stood next to her, hands in the pockets of his trousers. "Yes. I should have told you earlier."

Nodding she carefully tried to peel the cork off and then paused. Trying again she taped the vial with her thumb, but the cork didn't move. 

"Interesting."

She placed the vial on her desk and reached for her wand. It took only a few delicate patterns with it, and whatever spell kept the cork in place dissolved. Remus was intrigued. He hadn't noticed Severus removing any kind of sealing spell when he handed the vial to him in the corridor weeks ago, but it was also true that he hadn't looked for one. 

"Is sealing vials with a spell usual procedure?"

Poppy shook her head and sniffed the vial. "Not at all, and it wasn't one of the more common spells I would use."

Lost in thought Remus nodded and watched her shake the vial slightly, tilt it to all angles and sniff it again. 

"And why do you think he did that?"

The answer was obvious, and Poppy didn't even look up from her examination. "I think we're both aware that Severus does a lot of things that aren't quite legal, and this for sure isn't." 

Then she put the vial down again and returned the cork to it. 

"There is nothing I can do with this now, and if Severus needs it you should bring it to him. If he knows how to deal with these issues it's best he does it his way for now. But I have an inkling what this is, and if yes - well. I feel bad for asking this of you, but if you can, make sure he's not alone after he has taken this."

With a flurry of her wand she resealed the vial and handed it back to Remus. 

"I'm very willing to help. But what do you think this is?"

Sighing she placed her wand on the desk and crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

"I think it could be an extraction from a Consopio potion, diluted. Or at least I hope it is diluted. Tell him to be careful."

Remus nodded and slipped the vial into one of his pockets. "And can that be a solution?"

She almost growled. "Merlin, no. I can see his line of reasoning, though, which isn't something I should pride myself on." 

Then she shooed him away, and a glance at the clock told him that he wouldn't have time to return to his rooms to quickly look up what exactly Consopio was. He had never heard of it, that was for sure, but it didn't mean much. But there was no space in his schedule to consider these things now. Dinner was a more and more formal situation now, and he had a swift meeting with Albus afterwards confirming his choice of creatures to use for his classes. Their discussion took much longer than he had anticipated, and he found myself climbing the stairs to Serpens Tower later than he had planned, with the vial in his pocket and the small voice in the back of his mind telling him that maybe he should have dropped the vial off a bit earlier. But then it wasn't very likely that Severus had been awake all evening, after having surrendered and gone to bed earlier.

The heavy door to Severus' quarters opened obediently when Remus spoke the password, and he walked into the small hallway expecting to find nothing but silence and darkness.

Instead the rooms were brightly lit, and, to his surprise, not silent. He hadn't been able to hear it through the heavy door, but as soon as he stepped into Severus' quarters the music was difficult to miss. And it was probably the least thing he had expected.

Severus lay on his large sofa, fully stretched out, wearing what seemed like comfortable pyjama trousers combined with an old t-shirt. On the coffeetable in front of him at least ten freshly sealed letters were stacked, ready to be carried over to the owlery and send off. Paper and books cluttered the large table, with pencils and a quill scattered in between. Everything looked official, and Remus knew that Severus had tended to house-business before he even spotted the large seal with the serpent and the dark green sealing wax on a small tray.

He didn't immediately react to Remus, seemingly lost in thought or the music coming from the muggle stereo system Remus was surprised to see behind the now opened door in the low shelf on the wall opposite the sofa. He had expected more books or other things in there, but the large black device took up the entire space, and from the way the music vibrated through the speakers was of excellent quality. On a closer look he could even spy the cord sneaking out from behind the shelf, plugged into a cubic tool he had seen in stores in Diagon Alley - a magical device providing electricity for muggle technology that could not otherwise be powered. Hogwarts, after all, had no sockets build into her ancient walls.

Remus hadn't expected Severus to own any piece of muggle technology. Or to listen to music. Few wizards did, and while Remus suspected at least those of his students that were more familiar with muggle culture to own the technology necessary to play music it had never been a topic at Hogwarts. While magical folk loved music they generally made it themselves, even though Remus had always considered it to be a waste to ignore everything muggle culture provided them with. Severus, it seemed, agreed with him.

Standing in the doorframe Remus cleared his throat and waited. It took a moment until Severus reacted, slowly pushing himself upright on the sofa and turning around. He reached out, and the music died away slowly. For a moment Remus was impressed with the magical coding of a muggle device, but then he noticed the small black remote Severus carefully dropped back onto the table and couldn't help but grin. 

"A remote, how profane."

Pushing the remote further onto the table Severus looked just a bit smug. "I appreciate that you apparently believe I would have enough time or competence to use transformative magic on my stereo. Sorry to disappoint you."

Remus smiled at the unusual friendly rebuke, and took the time to study Severus while he walked over and without being invited to took a seat in one of the reading chairs.

To Remus' surprise Severus seemed more relaxed than he had earlier that day. His tiredness was visible in his face, and more clearly obvious in the fact that he had dropped the spells he usually cloaked himself in. But the music seemed to take some of the tension off his body, although his movements were almost painfully slow and lacking their usual fluidity.

"But you didn't come to examine my taste in popular culture."

Remus wouldn't have placed that exact type of music as popular culture, but he kept the thought to himself. 

"No, but we should discuss that some time, it could be interesting. I wanted to see how you're doing."

Stretching himself without moving much Severus nodded. 

"And you're finding me alive, what a relief. And what did Poppy tell you about the vial?"

There was just enough mockery in his voice to put Remus on alert. 

"Why do you think I went to see her? I told you I wouldn't go unless you were worse."

Brushing a strand of hair out of his face Severus looked a bit too sure of himself. 

"Of course. But from everything I know about you it doesn't seem very likely you would stick to your word."

It disturbed Remus for a short second that Severus so obviously knew that he wouldn't keep these kind of promises, and while he was relieved he didn't have to lie about anything he felt a pang. He had always been proud of being a man of his word, and it was a strange feeling that someone wouldn't even in the slightest expect him to do just that. And apparently his line of thought was visible in his face. 

"You're far too much of a do-gooder for this game. We all do what we have to." 

At the same time he held out a hand, and Remus drew the vial from his pocket and placed it in his slightly unsteady palms.

"Thank you. And what did she say?"

He turned the vial between his fingers, tapped the cork once and with remarkable ease pulled it off. But he didn't drink it yet, obviously curious what Remus had to say.

"She had no idea, but mentioned that it could be a diluted variety of some potion. Consopus?"

For a second Severus turned the vial in his hand. "Consopio."

He seemed to follow a line of thought in silence, but Remus was impatient. "And is that right?"

Looking up Severus nodded. "Indeed. But it's only a dilution from the extract, not the real thing."

"Why not the real thing?"

Sighing Severus resigned himself to be held back from taking the potion until he had delivered the explanation. 

"Because that would be the suicide attempt you are accusing me of. Pure Consopio kills beautifully fast, it's been originally developed to euthanize. But if the extract base of it is diluted properly it merely has a strong narcotic effect on the central nervous system."

Remus' head was turning.

"What does properly mean in that case?"

Severus looked at the vial, shrugged, and drank it. Then he replaced the empty vial back on the table. 

"Do you remember what I told you about precision?" Remus nodded, and Severus continued. "Good. Every time you think about not working as exact as possible remember - sometimes it's proper math or death."

It made sense, but Remus didn't particularly like it. "Does that mean you didn't test this before?"

Severus shrugged. "Of course not, how do you think that would work? You have to trust your own work."

The sheer amount of cold-blooded confidence made Remus' stomach churn. 

"And if you had made a mistake?"

There was just a hint of too much emotion in Remus' voice, and he regretted it immediately. But strangely enough Severus didn't comment. He simply shrugged, his unsteady hands neatly folded on his knees. For a brief moment there was silence, and then Severus cleared his throat. 

"In any case, Poppy made a good guess. Thank you for delivering the potion, but I don't see why I should hold you up any longer."

Remus had a different opinion, but as always he found no way to work around Severus' tactic of quickly brushing everything that could get too personal aside and decided to stick to the most obvious problem. 

"But I haven't told you everything she said, and especially not that I have clear instruction to not leave you alone after you've taken the potion. It seems that while you trust in your own skills concerning alchemic arithmetic Poppy is a bit more sceptical."

He put the emphasise on the final part of the sentence, with the clear intention to draw Severus' focus away from the fact that Remus has basically just suggested the idea of a slumber party. It didn't work for a second, but the look on Severus' face was priceless. 

"She told you to do what?"

Remus smiled as innocently as possible. "To not leave you unattended. So I plan to sleep here. Your couch is very comfortable."

Forcing himself to remain completely stern and resolute while internally being rather amused about the slow shock creeping over Severus' tired face. Then he cleared his throat.

"And why do you think I would welcome that particular idea?"

Remus continued to smile, suddenly feeling just a little bit smug. "Because you're in no condition to put up a fight. I can see your hands trembling, and that usually means you're very close to a breakdown. I also assume the potion you just took will knock you out like a light very soon. Unlike you I can wait."

It was only the small twitching movement of Severus' hands that indicated how much control he needed to not immediately hide his hands, and for the first time since they had started working together Remus realised that his words had actually caused hurt. But he didn't regret telling the truth. 

Severus remained silent, again, before shrugging. But before he could voice his surrender he was interrupted by a small chiming sound, not unlike the timekeeping spells Severus used for keeping track of cauldrons. Confused Remus looked around. Did Severus have another laboratory up here, stashed away in his bedroom? By now Remus was prepared for everything.

Severus, on the other hand, seemed visibly annoyed. The small sound came again, now reminding Remus distinctly of something far more mundane.

"Is that what it sounds like?"

Sudden movement came over Severus. He pushed himself off the couch and waved into Remus' direction, effectively shooing him away.

"You need to leave. Or at least stand over there."

He pointed towards the area where the door leading towards the hallway was. The ringing sound became more louder and more distinctively recognisable as a muggle phone. But Remus saw nothing of that sort, and his confusion wasn't cleared when Severus gestured towards the fireplace and a sudden fire erupted inside the fireguard.

Remus' halfway formed question was cut off mercilessly.

"No. Simply move."

The ringing echoed through the room once more, now sounding positively urgent and much louder than before. At the same time as Remus reached his corner Severus had arrived in front of the fireplace, halfway sitting on the armrest of the sofa, arms crossed in front of his chest, the illusion spells cloaking him suddenly blurring and rearranging him to the familiar view. Remus couldn't see the fire, but he heard the roar of the flames suddenly go quiet and the connection open.

"What the hell did you do to take that long? Your hole in the wall isn't big enough for any excuses."

Remus withdrew further into the corner, safely outside the part of the room that could be viewed from the fire. He didn't see the head floating in the flames, but it was easy to recognise the familiar voice and he barely managed to suppress a groan of annoyance.

"Fuck off, Lucius. I'm not at your beck and call."

Malfoy laughed, his voice being only slightly dulled by the flames. "A pity indeed. Why did you take so long?"

"I know you've never heard of it before, but there is a concept called work. It's a bit difficult to explain, so I won't bother you with any ideas. What do you want?"

He sounded impatient, but as Remus already knew Malfoy didn't quite react to these small details.

"Oh look, Severus is snippy. What a novelty. I want to know whether you'll be around tonight."

Rolling his eyes Severus shook his head and seemed to immediately regretting the sharp movement. 

"No. Is there anything specific going to happen? I didn't receive a message or call."

The fire crackled a bit, disturbing the connection for a moment. 

"There was none. My son told me in unclear terms that it will be September very soon. He is looking forward to see you again, so I decided that I want to make sure I'll have the pleasure first."

For some reasons Remus could not imagine a cosy dinner at Malfoy Manor with Malfoy senior and junior talking animatedly over a cup of tea and a few toasts with beans about the upcoming schoolyear.

"I can't imagine you actually listened to anything Draco had to say. He is right about the new term, but I have no intention to leave Scotland tonight. And you just saw me yesterday, if you recall."

There was a prolonged silence from the fire, and Severus kept the resolute but slightly amused look on his face.

"You still look dreadful. How long will you continue to blame me for not ending your miserable life?"

The slightly crocked smile on Severus' face seemed strangely genuine.

"For as long as it shall last. Or until I kill you, I haven't decided yet."

Apparently these were terms of endearment to Malfoy, for he chuckled.

"We will see how that turns out. Now, don't be a sissy, get yourself properly dressed and apparate to the Manor to join us. We'll go, have some fun and burn down a village or two. You'll be back tomorrow by lunch and nobody will be any wiser. Besides some charred muggles, but we all know that dead men tell no tales. Let's go, it will be like the old days were."

Severus crossed his arms and clicked his tongue.

"No. But did you just call me a sissy?"

Malfoy laughed again.

"Yes. I'm also willing to add wuss and wimp."

Snorting Severus frowned. "Are you looking for a fight?"

"Always. Come over and we can duel behind the house. Draco would be ecstatic, his technique suffered immensely in the last weeks. You should start giving duel classes in Hogwarts, but that's a topic for another night."

Apparently Malfoy was quite enthusiastic about the idea of spending the evening blocking curses and then go on a murderous spree.

"All of this is a topic for another night. I am drowning in paperwork, and I do not have time to beat you up in your sad excuse of a courtyard, though you would surely deserve it."

There was another silence and Remus guessed that Malfoy was pouting.

"I don't see how you can resist the offer of such a fun night instead of thinking about your boring teaching."

Smiling sarcastically Severus shrugged.

"The things we do for the greater good. Anything else?"

Their conversation hadn't lasted long, but Remus ventured the guess that the potion was slowly kicking in, leaving Severus with only a small amount of time in which he was still capable of dealing with the situation. He seemed intend to get rid of Malfoy as quickly as possible.

"If I can't persuade you to spent the night - no. Though I will stand by my word and claim you're being a right sissy."

Severus didn't reply. Instead he quickly moved his hand as if he caught air in his palm, and then threw it into the fire. The flames crackled loudly and Malfoy cursed.

"Damn you, my carpet! That's a French hand-woven two-hundred-year-old large - Narcissa won't be amused."

Severus only moved an eyebrow. "Send her my regards, then."

"Like hell I will. Next time you come over I'll make you inspect the carpet up close, if you catch my drift."

It took every inch of Remus' self-control not to wince at the implication.

"Subtle as always. Have a good evening, Lucius. Tell them I'm still alive and I'll join you some other time."

The fire crackled some more.

"Severus."

Pointlessly waving a hand Severus shook his head. "No. Good-bye."

Apparently Malfoy had resigned himself to his fate of spending the evening without the entertainment he was clearly hoping to find.

"Very well. Good-bye."

And with that he was gone. Without the open connection the fire died almost immediately, leaving the room in a sudden half-light. Remus hadn't even noticed that the lights had dimmed when the fire came to life.

Almost at the same instance Severus brought his hands to his face and rubbed his forehead. When he dropped his arms again his illusion spell had fallen and he looked beyond tired.

Coming out of his corner Remus returned to his former chair with the intention to sit down comfortably again.

"I feel like I should apologise for eavesdropping on your private conversation."

Still balanced on the armrest of the sofa, but now visibly slumped Severus shrugged.

"Don't be absurd, that was hardly a private conversation. Lucius is simply obnoxious. But he's powerful, and very high in the Dark Lord's favour, a potentially very deadly combination."

Remus nodded, but couldn't help to at least hint at the obvious.

"And you've been, uhm, friends, for a long time."

Looking at his bare feet on the wooden floor in an unusual display of evasiveness Severus nodded. 

"For a very long time."

When he looked up again Remus noticed that whatever time Severus still had left after drinking the potion was over. He looked half-asleep, and the soft slur of his last words made it obvious that he had been fighting for consciousness for a few more moments than Remus had realised. Cursing himself inwardly Remus got up from his chair and moved over to Severus. 

"I see. You're half knocked out, though, and should go to bed. Can I offer you help?"

Holding out his hand Remus half-hoped Severus would accept the offer, but it didn't surprise him when the gesture was fully ignored. But at least Severus nodded in slow-motion, pulled himself upright by what Remus guessed was sheer willpower, and slowly made his way through the living room. Remus trailed behind him, trying to not make it look as if he were escorting him towards the bedroom.

"And you still want to sleep on the sofa?"

Remus nodded. "Absolutely."

Defeated Severus shook his head.

"At least you're not trying to talk me into burning down a village."

They reached the bedroom. Without any apparent effort Severus closed the thick curtains with a handmotion, and the dim light on one of the nightstands turned on by itself. With visible relief Severus sat down on the edge of his bed.

"There's another spare blanket in the lowest drawer. And a pillow. Help yourself."

Remus did as instructed, and indeed found a blanket and pillow in there, freshly pressed and faintly smelling of lavender. Taking both out he noticed that the drawer closed silently by itself.

"Thank you, I'll get comfortable on the sofa. Tell me, the last time I saw you taking the potion it took much longer for it to take effect. Isn't this unusual?"

Now with profoundly slowed reflexes Severus shrugged. He didn't say anything, seemingly concentrated on sitting and Remus decided to cut their conversation short. It wasn't very likely that he would get a detailed answer anytime soon. 

"Well, as long as you're still alive. Sleep well, I'll be in your living room."

And with that and his pillow he left, pulling the door behind him but then leaving it just slightly ajar. The gap was small, but big enough for Remus to hear the disbelieving sound Severus made, followed by the rustling of covers pushed around. The light went out immediately.

Sleeping in someone else's' space was nothing foreign to Remus. He had been on the streets for so long, wandering from any willing benefactor's house to the next one that he was convinced he could sleep practically everywhere. In Severus' bathroom he utilized a few useful spells cleaning his teeth, used the loo and then walked back into the living room. The makeshift bed was set up quickly, the curtains rustled as he pulled them close and the window snapped shut with only a small clacking sound.

The sofa was just as comfortable as it looked, and Remus stretched with contentment. Wrapped into the freshly washed sheets and the comforting wooden smell prevalent in Severus' rooms he drifted off quickly.

When he was woken in the middle of the night he needed a moment to reconstruct where he was, why he was there, and what exactly had disturbed his sleep. He quickly managed to place the sofa in the correct context and added the information that he had been placed as a gatekeeper of sorts to make sure everything would be alright with Severus. The sound that had woken him, however, was already gone again. 

He listened into the darkness, trying to identify what he had heard while telling it apart from the faint background noise of the sounds of the forest in the distance and the wind around Serpens Tower. There was again the soft sound of wood, creaking as if someone moved carefully, and the rhythmic sound of someone's breathing that was very obviously not coming from the bedroom. 

Remus was out of his bed in an instance and produced a bright light as quickly as he could. The living room was empty besides the shadows Remus' Lumos spell cast, and he hurried towards the hallway. 

And there source of the sounds became obvious very quickly. Blinking against the light Remus carried with him Severus sat on the floor, back against the wall, knees drawn up. He looked as if every inch of life had been drained from him, sunken face ashen, his visibly trembling hands on his knees. As soon as Remus came closer he turned his head away from the light, and apologising for nothing in particular Remus dimmed the intensity of the spell while kneeling on the floor himself. 

"Are you alright? What are you doing on the floor?"

Severus nodded slowly, still turning his head away from the light until Remus softened the spell into a faint glow, giving just enough light to allow both of to see clearly while taking into account that Severus probably could see less well in the dark than Remus himself. 

"Dizzy. It will pass."

Connecting the dots Remus understood that what he had heard must have been Severus' steps on the wooden floor, returning from bathroom until a spell of dizziness had forced him to take a break from the long journey in the middle of his hallway. 

"A side effect of the potion, or does that happen all the time? Let me take your pulse to see if we can get you up again."

Looking wearily at Remus for a moment Severus, acutely aware that he was entirely at Remus' mercy for the moment, surrendered his left wrist a bit faster than Remus would have anticipated. His skin was ice-cold to Remus' touch, and his pulse far too slow and faint for Remus' likening. 

"We should wait a moment, or you'll pass out. Would you like a bit of water? It might help."

Pulling his hand back as soon as Remus had let go Severus nodded slowly, and Remus got up to pick a full glass of water up from the living room. Returning he crouched on the floor again, handing the glass into Severus' unsteady hands and watched him slowly sip the cool liquid. There was nothing he felt he could do besides waiting and, after a time, making sure Severus would get into bed again. 

Placing the empty glass on the floor next to him Severus let his head sink back against the wall, closing his eyes for a moment. Remus' soft Lumos cast strange shadows across his high cheekbones. 

"Are you slowly feeling a bit better? Or worse?"

He shrugged in slow motion. "Will take a moment. Don't worry."

Remus couldn't help but grin. "Because you only look like you're dying while you're actually absolutely healthy?"

Severus sighed. Then he slowly opened his eyes, blinked and for the first time seemed to actually focus on Remus. He seemed surprised, and then pointed to Remus' right hand. 

"Neat spell. Done that before?"

Slightly confused Remus frowned and followed Severus' line of sight towards his right hand, where in his open palm the soft Lumos glowed in a perfectly round orb. Then he nearly gaped in surprise. 

"I didn't - how did that happen?"

The smile on Severus' thin lips was almost too small to be noticed. 

"Fear is an excellent catalyser for magical power. And this type of Lumos isn't too different from the Incendio."

Listening Remus nodded, but he was too focussed on the light in his hand to really think about what Severus had said. The glowing orb in his hand was steady, and he could transfer it easily from his right hand to his left hand and back again. It only took silent commands to adjust the brightness, and for a moment Remus was swamped by his personal victory. He grinned at the shining orb in his hand and accidentally added more power to the spell. The light grew stronger and Severus growled against the brightness. Immediately Remus concentrated on reducing the intensity again, shilding the glowing orb with his hands. 

"Sorry. I guess I'm still working on my control."

Severus nodded. "It will take a while. But while we're here, do you want to practise?"

Remus noticed how he slowly seemed to regain strength, his voice more and more steady. 

"How?"

Loosing his hands from where he had interlaced his fingers on his knees Severus held out both palms together, his hands still unsteady but not shaking too badly.

"Separate the spell from your physical presence. Can you drop the orb in my hands?"

Remus looked at the softly glowing sphere. 

"I can try. But won't the spell automatically latch onto your magic?"

Softly sighing Severus shook his head, still holding out his hands. 

"Not at the moment. It's the perfect opportunity to test your skill."

Pushing aside the implication Remus nodded, and concentrated on the orb. Slowly peeling the spell of his skin felt strange, mostly because he had only read how it was supposed to work and never done it before. It seemed to take a very long while, but suddenly the orb seemed to hover above Remus' hands and gently glided into Severus' outstretched hands where it rested easily without loosing any of its strength. Without bothering to hide his delight Remus watched Severus' long fingers carefully close around it so it wouldn't fall or roll out of his softly trembling hands. He waited a few seconds until the spell was completely stabilised again and then gently added energy to the light - not too much, as not to suddenly blind them, but a bit to see if it would work. 

It did. The light was warm and soft, and for a moment they simply sat in the dark, Remus warm with content over his success and Severus with the warm glow of the orb in his hands. 

And then there was another feeling in Remus' stomach. Something warm seemed to touch the magic he was using to keep the warm glow alive, and for a moment he was confused. Searching for a clue he looked at Severus, and noticed that he seemed to look a little bit more alive then he had before, as if the warmth of the light had chased away some of the cold in his veins. 

But Severus was not looking at him. His gaze was fixed on the glowing sphere in his hands, seeing through the light straight at something Remus couldn't see. An inner voice told Remus to be patient, and as difficult as it was he followed the silent order. 

Moments passed. And then Severus very slowly opened his palms, and the small orb suddenly hovered above his hands, steady yet still soft. Surprised Remus blinked and broke the silence. 

"Are you feeling better?"

It seemed obvious to Remus that Severus' strength and with it his natural magical competence had returned. But Severus seemed genuinely surprised, looking at the orb as if it were a particularly complicated puzzle he couldn't solve. The soft tingle against Remus' skin grew stronger, as if a friendly hand was brushing against his skin. The sensation grew stronger the more time passed, and then Remus suddenly felt himself twitching against the foreign power, loosing the concentration necessary for the spell and the orb was gone. 

They were sitting in the dark again, and Remus almost felt as if a shadow of the touch still ghosted over his skin. 

"What the hell was that?"

It took only a few more moments until his eyes had adjusted to the sudden darkness and he could see Severus looking entirety thrown off his guard. 

"That was unexpected."

Tapping his fingers on the wooden floor Remus agreed. "Yes, but what was that? Did you do something?"

He could see Severus shake his head, still looking as if he was trying to put together answers he wasn't entirely sure of. 

"No. At least not voluntarily."

Remus intensified the tapping on the floor. "But?"

Sighing Severus rubbed his forehead. 

"I need to think. Not on the floor."

It seemed Remus would have to wait for his answers, and the impatience almost made him snap. But he disciplined himself, and pushed himself off the floor slowly, allowing the blood to return to his stiff legs. 

"I agree. Let's get you back to your bedroom. Can you stand up?"

Severus nodded, but in the end accepted Remus' outstretched hand to get off the floor. He still seemed slightly unbalanced on his feet, but Remus smoothly moved in to take him by the elbow and lead him towards the bedroom. Severus didn't protest. 

They reached the bedroom quickly, and the lights on the nightstand turned on by themselves. It was only then that Remus realised that he was only wearing his boxers and t-shirt, a small piece of information his mind seemingly had pushed to the very back of his consciousness until then. Severus didn't seem to mind, sinking back into his bed with unhidden relief. 

Remus quickly went through his options and then gave the room a cursory glance. He quickly spotted a wooden chair in one corner, and marched over to drag it toward the bed, considering whether he should get his wand and attempt a spell that would turn the hard wooden object into something slightly more comfortable. Severus observed the scenario with a disapproving glance.

"What do you think you're doing there?"

Remus placed the chair down and tried not to be disappointed in Severus' slow thinking. 

"Looking for a comfortable place to stay while I'm watching you sleep to make sure you won't fall again. And do not even try to talk me out of your bedroom. I will stay."

To his surprise Severus looked neither angry nor disapproving, but simply surprised. 

"I see." Then he blinked, and suddenly looked at Remus as if he had never seen him before. "Why are you still here anyway?"

Sitting down in the chair to underline his stance to remain where he was Remus tried not to look as if he were talking to a slightly intellectually challenged houseelf. 

"Because I said I would?"

But Severus was obviously still fighting with the logical consequences of this statement. 

"I remember that, but why did you actually do it? I don't think people are generally in the habit of watching me sleep."

And out of nowhere Remus suddenly understood that Severus had no idea that he had probably not spent a single night in the Hospital Wing on his own since - well, at least since Remus knew Poppy was taking care of him. The sadness over that realisation almost swept him away. 

"You have no idea. But you should try to get some sleep now."

In all his tiredness Severus' emotions were for once beautifully on display, but Remus had an inkling that it would be smart to push the process of enlighten Severus how much people actually cared for him into the next day. Severus, it seemed, finally either followed his line of reasoning or simply gave in to his exhaustion.

"I guess it is your decision. But why do you want to sleep in this chair and not in the bed?"

The bed looked very comfortable, of course, but that wasn't the - Remus' line of thought stopped in the middle of his musing. Had Severus just invited him into his bed?

"Are you sure?"

Now annoyed Severus gestured towards the other half of the bed. "I promise there's no need to be afraid of me. Just come to a decision, I'm very tired."

There was no need to invite Remus twice. He quickly replaced the chair to its original spot, and slipped into the bed. It was large and comfortable, and made up to perfectly accommodate another person who preferred having his or her own pillow, although there was only one large blanket. As soon as Remus had sat down Severus extinguished the lights and Remus heard - and felt - him stretch and turn around.

"I'm still not sure why you're doing that but, well, I think I should thank you."

Severus' voice was very close to Remus' ear, and the hair on his neck rose immediately. Maybe that hadn't been such a good idea, after all. Did Severus know that Remus was a rather cuddly sleeper? Should he have told him? Questions galloped through Remus' head.

"We will talk about that tomorrow. Sleep."

The response was but a low hum, and Remus could perfectly pinpoint the moment when Severus fell asleep just seconds later. With his steady breathing as background noise Remus relaxed slowly into the comfort of the bed. It smelled almost like his own one did on the other side of the castle, but the mattress seemed a bit thicker and more luxurious than the default one Hogwarts offered. The sheets were perfectly soft - and Remus was asleep before he could continue to scrutinise every other little thing about the bed he was currently sharing.

He awoke again in the first light of the new day. The sun was not up yet, but the night outside was slowly fading and the curtains weren't fully closed. Remus only scratched the surface of wakefulness first. Without his incentive his mind seemed to wander through his surroundings for clues. The room was still mostly dark, the bodies of furniture lurking like brooding silhouettes in the corners. There was the bed, large and comfortable, and his own body perfectly relaxed and at ease. He felt his limbs heavy with sleep, warm. His mind registered the smell of his surroundings and nudged him towards the realisation that he wasn't sleeping in his own bed. But it was Hogwarts, decidedly Hogwarts, with the smell of lavender and woods and warm stone.

His mind was ready to sink back again beneath the surface of sleep when it registered something else. There was a second body in his bed, someone else, and it wasn't the familiar weight of Sirius who had ended up in Remus' bed after too much wine or talk, and usually firmly kept to his side of the mattress. No, this other body had a different build, seemed lighter somehow, a bit less stable than the known and measured weight of his best friend. This body was closer than he usually slept with anybody, tucked perfectly against the space Remus' body occupied, Remus' limbs draped over and wrapped around it. There was a back pressed against Remus' chest, vertebrae and sharp shoulderblades noticeable under the thin fabric of a t-shirt, Remus' arm draped over a waist and his hand pressed against a flat stomach, holding firmly in place whoever slept there. Remus' nose touched the back of a neck, hair brushed aside, and if he only pursed his lips he would almost kiss skin. His own legs were tangled into someone else's', someone much taller but neatly folded and curled up just the right size to fit against Remus.

Remus blinked against the sleep and the dim light and found that he was curled around Severus. His confused mind was suddenly very alert and very awake, and he hardly managed not to move.

He was used to wake up next to people he didn't know. He had a history of casual sex, picking up men and women - really, who cared - in nightclubs in the seedier parts of London, sharing a drink, maybe two or ten, and then going home with someone. He never took someone to his place. He didn't have a home that qualified as a location for casual sex, no place that wouldn't make anybody with any trace of sanity left bolt immediately. No, he allowed others to drag him home, to shove him onto a bus or the last tube or guide him on endless marches across the city. He only ever went to muggle clubs. Wizards had too many questions, and the community was too small. But there were hordes of muggles in London, ever changing, and he never met the same person twice. He used condoms and tried to leave, but sometimes it was inevitable to fall asleep, wake up the next morning beside a strange body and sneak away before breakfast. Breakfast meant trouble, and he had enough of that already. He never left a number - for what? There was no phone line where he lived - and went by three different names. Nobody ever asked or questioned anything.

But he had never accidentally woken up entangled into someone whom he actually knew, and without even having a proper one-night-stand before. It seemed anticlimactic, skipping the sex and going straight for the snuggling he usually avoided.

He didn't move. But lying perfectly still he felt the closeness even more, felt exactly where their skin inevitably met. Bare feet touching, his hand flat against Severus' stomach, placed just below the rim of the t-shirt. His face touching the nape of Severus' neck - the sensations were suddenly sweeping Remus off his feet, pushing his pulse to a quick and unwanted gallop.

He swallowed a lot of spit, and tried to calm his breathing. But it didn't quite work, and instead of returning to his calm state of sleep he chocked on his own salvia and jerked away, coughing loud enough to wake up an entire village. Inwardly cursing he tried to calm himself, which only resulted in more coughs and prolonged gasping for air. Severus, rudely woken by the sudden withdraw of Remus' body and the noise, growled into his pillow and buried himself deeper into the blanket.

Finally being able to breathe again and properly annoyed by his own misconduct Remus flopped into the pillows on his back, trying to catch his breath. He almost startled when suddenly a glass of water nudged against his shoulder. Trying not to fall into a coughing fit again he stared at the offending glassware for a brief moment and then realized that the glass was attached to a hand and a rather tired face.

"Water. Don't die in my bed. Hard to explain."

Severus' voice was coarse and thick with sleep, and he was dragging his vowels in a manner that suddenly placed a hint of a regional accent in his otherwise flawless highbrow pronunciation. Remus took the glass, sat up and felt the flush rising in his cheeks. Drowning the liquid he tried to come up with anything clever to say that would explain why he had basically used Severus as a cuddly toy while leaving up the option of slipping his hands further under that t-shirt. Sadly his mind had decided to go back into sleep again, leaving his body a rather hapless and useless mess.

"Hum, thanks."

The water helped to sooth his throat, at least, and he only coughed once more to make sure everything was fine now. The glass vanished again from his hand and he watched Severus stretch a bit to place it back on the nightstand.

"Yes. And now shut up. Too early."

Being rid of the glass Severus fell back into the bed and turned again into the position he had been sleeping in before Remus had suddenly decided to choke on his own salvia. Burying his head in the pillow he closed his eyes and seemed almost asleep again immediately.

Remus watched him, feeling insecurity rising inside him. The need to return to their original position was unbearable, but just like this - without any questions? He looked down at Severus, seeing everything and nothing in the faint light. Black hair against the white pillow, his left arm stretched out, palms upturned and relaxed, the Dark Mark against the white skin, the t-shirt still not back in place, exposing a stretch of skin over the waistband of the soft pyjama trousers - and there was salvia in Remus' mouth again.

"Are you done with staring?"

It seemed that Remus' sudden stillness had been a bit too obvious. Carefully swallowing Remus decimated the salvia in his mouth and cleared his throat.

"You - ergh, I mean, I, well - I think I - "

He didn't make sense, and it was impossible to overlook. Inwardly cursing himself he tried to get a grip.

Apparently now abandoning the idea of getting any sleep any time soon Severus sighed into his pillow, and pushed himself up. While Remus still fought for words he reached towards the nightstand again, refilled the water glass from the caraffe positioned there and emptied the glass quickly. Then he turned around, to Remus' utter horror facing him now completely.

"Yes? Tell me your heart's trouble, and when you've unbosomed yourself to me and all your problems have been discussed and solved we can hopefully sleep again."

The imitation of the soft voice Pomona Sprout used to sooth anxious Hufflepuff First-years, utterly spoiled by Severus' deep but rough baritone tipped Remus over the edge.

"How can you be that snarky at this hour?"

He simply didn't know where to put his hands. Severus facing him like that, crumpled, hair chaotic and a not-so-subtle hint of five-o'-clock shadow on his cheeks was simply too much for Remus' self-control. And even though Severus was obviously dead tired and still half-asleep he looked much better than the days before, much more alive, and there was that gleam in his eyes Remus' had grown to like. A lot, actually.

"Well, what is your problem?"

Remus blinked, twice. It didn't help.

"I, uh, that - ah, fuck it - "

But before he could even finish his sentence Severus inched closer, wrapped his left had around Remus' neck and pulled him into a kiss. And that was all the invitation Remus actually needed. It took him one motion to return the kiss, then keep their lips together while he took Severus' by the shoulder and used his own weight to throw him on his back and press him down. Now helplessly tangled into the blanket Remus landed on top of him, still kissing him with all the hunger he had felt in the past weeks. They parted for only a second to gasp for air, faces very close.

"I believe the sentence you're looking for is fuck me."

Severus' voice was but a gentle hum in Remus' ear, deep and dark and very inviting. Remus' only answer was a growl, a deep rumbling in the very back of his throat, and that was as clear as he would get about this issue.

There was no sleep for both of them to have anytime soon. In the very first light of the morning Remus felt as if a unnecessary long wait had finally come to an end. Roaming his hands over the body he had wanted to touch, taking in all the new sights and sensations, finding spots he didn't know and yearned to explore and familiarise himself with. In return he offered his own body, without hesitation, to be traced and caressed and discovered. To his own surprise he felt no shame about the desolate state of his own person. It seemed that, for the first time in a very long while, there would be no need to hide his many damages. Not even his scars, even though they were the one thing that had always inhibited him the most, the hideous web of fear and death and terror ripped into his stomach, the clear sign pointing towards his most fatal defect, the visible reminder what he was. Even with muggles, with lovers who didn't know about such things as the brutality of a full moon he was afraid that anyone would find them disgusting. 

But Severus had scars of his own, and he did not wince as his fingertips traced the deep lines in Remus' skin. In return he didn't flinch when Remus' hands discovered another healed wound on his own body, did not seem to bother that Remus wanted to find them all. And Remus found more than he had thought.

There were deep and ragged scars over one of his shoulders, as if a claw had been buried into the skin and dragged through muscles and skin. There was the thick scar on his right wrist and round burn marks on the inside of his right arm, marks Remus knew cigarettes extinguished on skin left. There was a short scar behind his left ear, unobtrusive but still visible to Remus' searching eyes. There were the many small burn marks and scars Remus had seen before on his arms, and bones protruding skin, and dark bruises that were only healing slowly.

If he had been thinking about it in the light of day the body under Remus' hands wasn't particularly beautiful or even intact, but it didn't matter. He gave himself entirely up to the moment, and to curious hands on himself - long fingers skimming his muscles, sliding over his torso, measuring the web of scars and finding other remnants of transformation and pain. Remus growled under the soft pressure of deft fingertips, quickly finding all the right spots, and revelled in the pressure of Severus' hands entangled in his hair.

They took it slow, fitting for the very early morning and the sleepiness they felt at first. But Remus wasn't shy, and he was pleased to find that Severus' wasn't either. But they were gentle, careful not to trespass on unstable ground. They had agreed on sex with nothing more then a kiss and right then it was simply that - a physical thrill, finally after too many days of unclear negotiations.

There was hardly any talk. Severus pleasantly surprised Remus by having condoms and lube, and by knowing precisely well what he did and wanted and enjoyed. There was no trace of the strange fumbling Remus was used to from having one-night-stands - but then he remembered how he had found out that Severus did use his own body as commodity if the need arose, and it was only likely that he would be at least decent at what he was offering.

It was only one small instance where Remus had to say something, had to break the atmosphere of silence they seemed to have agreed upon. He broke a long kiss, already quite out of breath, his fingers tight around Severus' neck, the other sliding down his back.

"You know what you're doing? Werewolf? Blood and such?"

Severus nodded, for a second slightly annoyed. Digging his fingers deeper into the flesh of Remus' arse he waited for the reaction, which came promptly.

"Want a lecture?"

His voice was a deep, mocking rumble, doing nothing for Remus' composure. He pressed against Severus, bent down and bit into his shoulder, carefully, not drawing blood, offering only that as an answer.

They feel asleep again soon afterwards, spread out on the bed, an entangled mess of limbs, crumbled sheets, sweat and chaos. Remus lay on his back, half-covered by Severus, whose face was buried in his shoulders. The last waves of pleasure were only slowly ebbing away in Remus' satisfied body, his mind still in a haze of endorphines. It was an easy thing to simply wrap one arm around Severus, feeling his now comfortably relaxed breathing and steady heartbeat. Remus' other hand was still entangled with Severus' long fingers, and there was nothing in the whole wide world that could have possible convinced Remus to let go of him, not now or possibly any time soon. Closing his eyes against the slowly rising morning sun he smiled for no particular reason and fell asleep.


	26. Motives and Opportunities

Remus awoke the next morning to an infernal beeping sound. Muffling a complaint he turned around, shielding his face from the intruding sunlight and trying to cover his ears with the blanket. But it didn't help, and the beeping only turned more aggressive by the minute. Finally he gave in to his fate, pushed the blanket away and sat up. Looking around he quickly located the small black muggle device on the nightstand, reached for it and fumbled for a few seconds around until he found the right button. With the horrific noise finally dying away he sank back into the pillows, and blinked against the light. 

The plastic clock in his hands told him that it was seven in the morning, a perfect time to get up to be just ready and prepared for the conference that was scheduled at ten. He replaced the device on the nightstand, and then stretched lazily, taking advantage of the large space he had all to himself. The sheets besides him were crumpled but cool to his touch, and he quickly deduced that he had been sleeping alone for a while. The door was slightly ajar, but he heard no signs of movement. 

But he wasn't in a hurry and the satisfaction from last night still sat in his bones, making him lazy and deliberately slow. Stretched out on his back he looked at the ceiling, tracing the patterns the sunlight painted on the dark wood. He felt comfortable and at ease, and even after a short analysis of his feelings couldn't detect even a hint of remorse. It had been a good night, and wherever things would go from here he was confident he would be able to deal with them. There was a soft tingle in his hands still, and he assumed it came from the wandless magic he had so easily performed. He could feel the power slowly ebbing within him, a soft flow that was deeply comforting. He wasn't sure what exactly had brought it to the surface, but he couldn't say he minded suddenly feeling his magic as an integral part of himself, rather then just calling upon it when needed.

Revelling in that feeling he dozed off again after a while, and only when he woke up for a second time well past nine he decided to force himself upwards and see if he couldn't find either Severus or breakfast, or, ideally, both. He climbed out of the bed, collected his underwear and t-shirt from the floor where they had ended up, and dressed. Still barefoot he wandered out of the bedroom, but saw not immediate sign of Severus. 

Taking a quick detour to the bathroom Remus found the remaining pieces of his clothing in the living room, still as carefully folded as he had left them the previous evening. Now fully dressed, albeit a bit crumpled, he went on with his search. The books and papers from the coffeetable had vanished, and Remus accepted the obvious and walked into Severus' study. 

He found Severus in front of one of his bookcases, neatly dressed, with the usual layers of spells in place and a large tome in his hands. He flipped through the book quickly, apparently looking for something he couldn't find. There were more opened books and a few sheets of paper on his desk, next to a teapot and a used mug, making it obvious that Severus had been up and working for quite a bit already.

"Good morning."

Looking up from the book Severus nodded a greeting in return, not at all surprised to find that Remus hadn't simply left unseen. 

"I guess you've been introduced to the alarmclock."

He didn't smile, but it was obvious that he wasn't as serious as his face indicated, and Remus nodded. 

"I wasn't sure if it wasn't a torture device at first. Why don't you use spells like anyone else?"

There was such a useful array of incredibly easy spells that could wake one up at any desired time, gently or more firmly if it was required, and Remus would have never even considered buying an alarmclock. And especially not one as terrible as the evil device that had woken him up this morning. But Severus only shrugged, and turned a page in the volume.

"It is just an old thing. Useful, though."

For a moment he returned his attention to the book, and Remus realised that he wasn't exciting enough to contend with anything that was written on the already yellowing pages. Resigning himself to his fate he walked over to the desk. Picking up the teapot he found that there was still some tea left, and he helped himself to the already cold Early Grey using the ceramic cup standing on the desk. Holding it in both hands he cast a silent spell warming it up again, felt slightly smug at the immediate reaction brought on by his magical impulse and sipped the strong tea. It felt at least like one half of a breakfast, and although anything more solid was mournfully missing Remus felt content for a moment and decided to have another look around Severus' library for as long as the man himself was focussed on something else. 

Wandering along the shelves Remus read a few titles here and there, starting with the area of muggle fiction currently not blocked by Severus. He followed the line of poetry towards older literature and arrived in the section on magical history and works on certain spells and their development. This quickly lead him towards books on magical theory and incantational construction, a fascinating subject that Remus suddenly felt very drawn to. Counting Severus' silence as implicit acceptance he pulled out a book here and there, and started to compile a mental list of a few titles he would need to look at more closely sometime soon. 

Finishing the final sip of his tea he replaced the book on egyptian spellweaving styles and turned around. His gaze wandered over the shelves, and finally rested on the area where Severus kept his collection on the Dark Arts. The last time Remus had been in Severus' library he hadn't dared to go near it, but now it suddenly seemed much more alluring, and in any case more like a innocent assembly of objects. Taking a detour via the desk to replace his now empty tea mug he wandered over to the rows of dark leather bindings and inspected them more closely. 

Most books were surprisingly similarly looking, of smaller size and bound in the same dark leather, sometimes with blind embossing on the back, but mostly with no indication of what they might actually be. A few of larger size resided on the lower shelves, larger tomes in the same dark bindings, with gilded pages sometimes glittering temptingly. Their outer appearance was still mostly plain, like most of the other volumes. There were a few exceptions, though, books contrasting with their humble surroundings through their delicate and luxurious bindings. One of those volumes was placed almost directly in Remus' eyeline. It was a bit larger, bound in deep burgundy leather and decorated with an intricate pattern of swirling leaves. They almost seemed to turn slowly in endless circles, and Remus had to blink a few times to ensure himself that he was fully awake. Fascinated he moved closer to the shelf, focused on the subtle and fluttering motion of the soft flow of leaves.

Without thinking he reached out, carefully touching the spine and pulling the book out. It wasn't too heavy, but solid, and closed with two dark clasps made of what looked like tarnished silver. Making sure not to come into contact with the metal he turned the binding around, fascinated by the delicate elegance of the pattern. The swirling leaves were spread over the entire front of the book, not leaving room for any mention of a title or an author's name. They still seemed to turn and turn, and Remus couldn't tear his eyes away from their seemingly eternal soft motion. 

And then there was a hissing sound in his head, first as if coming into the room from outside the thick stone walls, then slowly creeping closer. Finally it seemed to come from inside his own body, the sound slowly gliding through his veins. Suddenly his magic tingled in his fingertips again, his new-found power swelling through him as if an unexpected tide had come in from the sea, and he felt a strange dizziness rising. Shaking his head he realised that his eyes were glued to the book, and the throb of power cursing through his body. And then another jolt took his breath away, the hissing suddenly silent. It had found the wolf, Remus realised, and he could almost feel primordial instincts slowly rising to the top, filling the quiet in his head with a deep growl.

But then there was another jolt, a concentrated shock coming from the outside, and the book in his hands suddenly felt hot and writhing. Gritting his teeth he focussed and pulled his hand back. 

"Finite incantatem!"

His own spell was doubled with another one, the same incantation in two voices breaking the spell, and he stumbled back. The hissing was gone, and he could breath again. The book was floating in the air in front of the bookcase, seemingly looking very innocent, the ornaments on the binding unmoving. To Remus' right hand stood Severus, looking everything but amused, the tome he had formerly read still in his right hand, and his wand in the left. Glaring at Remus he murmured something under his breath, and with a flick of his wand ordered the book back into the shelf. It seemed to obey only begrudgingly, fitting back into the empty space it had occupied before. For a second the hissing sound seemed to travel around the perimeter of the room, gliding just along the edges, but with another flick of Severus' wand it was gone again.

Rubbing his forehead Remus turned around, his hands still tingling. 

"What the bloody hell was that?"

Visibly annoyed Severus sent his wand back to the desk, and it floated obediently through the air before it settled next to a stack of papers again. 

"A reminder to not touch anything I own. You seem to have a good eye for danger, the last time someone who wasn't the owner of this picked it up things went downhill very fast."

Noticing that he still carried the large volume Severus turned around and marched over to the place where he had formerly stood, effectively concealing his not too subtle anger with the appearance of doing useful things. Remus followed him, still not feeling entirely himself again, but more fascinated than scared. 

"Who touched it?"

Sighing Severus stopped, looked at the book in his hands again and then carefully fitted it back into its place. As soon as it stood where it was supposed to go Remus though he heard a very faint purr, and made a mental note to question every book he would encounter from now on whether it was actually as inanimate as it looked.

"I did."

Now with empty hands Severus turned around, and stared Remus down, making it obvious he was not going to offer any more information on this point. Remembering their conversation from the prior evening about Dark Magic Remus quickly wondered if he couldn't somehow tempt Severus to slip into teacher-mode and at least lecture him on exactly what spirit he had accidentally disturbed. He tried the obvious route, just to test the waters.

"You do realise that I'm very curious now."

But Remus' tactic failed immediately. Shaking his head Severus made an effort to avoid coming too close to Remus by walking around him, and returned to his desk. 

"And you know I am not going to care about it."

He looked down on the arrangement of papers and books on his desk, and then lifted the lid of the teapot. Finding it empty he replaced the lid, and sat down on his chair. Wandering over Remus quickly went through any other available strategy that might make Severus answer his question, but realised quickly he would have to put it off until some other day. Glancing over the papers on the desk he wanted to say something on working that early in morning, possibly doubled with an intelligent side-remark about potions and alchemic calculations, but a quick cursory inspection of the papers and books told him that he couldn't even remotely guess what exactly Severus had done the entire morning - besides the time-honoured fun of scribbling alchemic symbols and numbers on papers and crossing them out again, of course.

"Are you at least going to tell me what you're working on now?"

Tapping on his papers Severus nodded. "I would, but there's no use in it yet. I will need a better library than this."

Casting a glance at his bookshelves as if they were withholding information to him on purpose Remus couldn't help to feel a bit of sympathy for the volumes, even though one of them had just tried to attack him. Or possess him, rather. 

"There's a better library than this?"

Mimicking surprise Remus made a gesture around the room, and was rewarded with a annoyed smirk in return. 

"Obviously."

Now nodding Remus tapped the teapot with his right hand, silently casting the spell for automatic refillment, and felt the ceramic suddenly warm under his hands. He caught a disapproving glance from Severus, but simply ignored him and helped himself to another cup of the flowery Earl Grey.

"I assume you're feeling better today?"

Ostensibly admitting his defeat in the case of the tea Severus nodded, and Remus took another sip, slowly feeling the warmth reaching his bloodstream and shaking off the remains of the strange encounter with the book, or whatever it had been.

"Good. So was the dizziness last night an adverse effect of the potion?"

Severus sighed, brushing a hand through his hair.

"Technically Consopio doesn't have any adverse effects. Death is quite a definite thing, I'd say."

Nudging the conversation forward Remus nodded. "Yes, but you didn't take pure Consopio, and the diluted solution of an extract can have adverse effects the original potion doesn't have."

The surprise on Severus' face was a lovely sight, and Remus felt smug that he could boast with knowledge for once. 

"Correct. So diluted death can have side effects, but nothing is known about them. From experience I would assume it was one."

For a moment Severus looked as if he wanted to continue his rather matter-of-fact description. But then his voice softened, and he changed direction. 

"I believe proper thanks are in order."

Gulping down the last sip of Earl Grey Remus did nothing against the small smile on his face. "You're welcome."

For a moment he wondered if he could add something that would make sure that he hadn't stayed because of some strange saviour complex, or because he had a hidden wicked scheme. But he couldn't come up with an appropriate phrasing and decided to stay safe.

"So are you inviting me to breakfast to show your gratefulness?"

Severus looked as if he would rather demonstrate a few rather complicated curses on Remus, and then produced a small silver pocket watch from the pockets of his waistcoat. 

"Since there is a conference very soon it doesn't seem you'll be having any breakfast at all today."

Cursing Remus put the teacup down on the desk.

"Damn, and I still need to sort through my paperwork. Why is there always something that slips through the cracks?"

With demonstratively slow movements Severus closed the watch, replaced it inside his waistcoat and then picked the cup up and placed it on the small wooden coaster it belonged on.

"Because you lack routine?"

Resisting to follow his inner callings to simply stick his tongue out and make an appropriately smutty hint Remus quickly smoothed his shirt, just in case he would encounter anyone on his rush over to his own quarters. 

"Well, I'll go and try to get some. Any advice from a senior member of faculty?"

Snorting Severus leant back in his chair, placed his elbows on the armrests and stapled his fingers, somehow looking equally mischievous and authoritative at the same time.

"You have no idea what it takes to run a house."

Remus nodded, but couldn't help to take the bait. 

"A bunch of serpents can be difficult to control, I assume."

Raising an eyebrow Severus only managed to look even more smug than before.

"One has to grant them the occasional lion for breakfast."

Grinning Remus acknowledged the hit against Gryffindor with grace, and took his leave.

Returning to his rooms he was greeted by the unusual sight of Sirius sitting in his reading chair, holding one of the crime novels he liked to read in his hands. But it was obvious that he wasn't in Remus' quarters to enjoy a quiet morning with his books, and his pointed looks at the clock made his annoyance clear.

"Ah, so Mr. Moony deems coming home appropriate after all."

Suppressing the irritation rising inside him Remus nodded and marched straight towards his bathroom. He took a quick shower, and pondered what type of breakfast he could request from the kitchen that would help to lift not only his, but also Sirius' mood.

But Sirius seemed to have other plans. While Remus was still busy dressing in his full teaching robes he wandered into the bedroom and sat heavily down at the edge of the bed.

"I have come to a very distressing conclusion, you know."

Slipping into the wide outer robe Remus sighed.

"Have you."

It wasn't a question, but Sirius nodded gravely.

"You're fucking the bat."

There was a whole world of betrayal in Sirius' hurt tone, but Remus was having none of it. Turning on his heel he faced his friend with a lot more force than Sirius had expected.

"And if I do? It's none of your damn bloody business."

Sirius looked up at him from the edge of the bed, his expression hardening. 

"Why isn't it? You fucking well know he hates you ever since that night. You nearly killed him, and if James - but sometimes I wonder why he did that."

Focusing all his inner strength on not loosing his patience Remus exhaled slowly. It wouldn't help to rip Sirius' head of. Not over this, anyway.

"Bloody hell, we're not fifteen anymore! And it's for the best. I can't blame Severus for having issues when it comes to that night, and I don't believe anyone would ever forget that."

Sirius snorted, a malicious smirk on his face. "He'll have a nice set of scars to remember, that's for sure."

In an instance images from the previous night flashed in front of Remus' eyes. Pale skin under his hands, and the set of old scars curling around the shoulder, as if a claw had been dragged through skin. Or a paw, with sharp nails, digging into flesh and bones. 

Nobody had ever told him. 

He felt blinding anger rising inside him once more, for a second followed by a distant growl, and it took more than two seconds before he could retain himself and focus on the best way to solve the situation instead of letting it dissolve into a ferocious shouting-match with creative use of curses he really didn't have the time for.

"I need to run to be on time for the conference, and I want to finish dressing in peace. But as a general reminder - whatever I do with whom is none of your business. Did you get that?"

Sirius had the decency to look utterly surprised. "What?"

But Remus simply pointed towards the door. 

"You heard me. We're not discussing whatever kind of sexlife I might have. Not right now. Get out."

It took a moment and three attempts to speak before Sirius understood that Remus truly meant what he had said, and even then he only rose reluctantly and slowly made his way through the room. Turning around before he had reached the doorframe he made motions to speak, but Remus shook his head. Silently he turned around again, transformed into a dog in the midst of his step and was gone. 

Still standing in the middle of his bedroom Remus didn't move for a moment before he continued to dress, mechanically closing buttons and checking his pockets for his belongings. He only managed to tear his thoughts away from their slow circle to arrange the most necessary papers.

He marched into the faculty conference room five minutes late, but with all his paperwork neatly sorted into a file and his emotions at least somehow in order again. Albus had already greeted everyone and was in the midst of a small speech once more concerning the schedule for festivities in the first month of the new year. Minerva to his right had a large planner before her, noting down his remarks while nodding and slipping papers over to Filius Flitwick. Remus took the last open seat and nodded into the general direction of everybody, while trying to avoid looking for too long at Severus, traditionally seated to Albus' left, for the first time dressed in his endless layers of black fabric, looking ostensibly bored and if he were only halfway listening. He ignored Remus completely, like he has always done, and for a brief moment Remus wondered when he would have the chance to ask the questions that were burning in his mind now. 

Looking away again Remus tried to focus on arranging his papers, and nearly flinched when Albus addressed him.

"Ah, Remus, how lovely that you could join us. I was just talking about the Halloween festivities. We should decide on the appropriate music in the next days."

Rolanda Hooch rolled her eyes. "Albus, we had the same band for the last ten years. They do their job, are available and play tolerable music. There's no need to discuss anything here."

Nodding Minerva greed. "That is true. Or did you have something else in mind?" Albus shrugged, but apparently did have an idea - none that Remus found especially convincing, and he followed the conversation only loosely, instead drawing up a small list of the myriad of things he still had to sort out as soon as the meeting was over.

It was almost past their usual lunchtime when Albus finally decided to take a break. They had been talking for what felt like hours and hours, achieving almost nothing. Hogwarts, that much was sure, was a large apparatus running in well-oiled tracks, stoically straight ahead, and changing even the smallest thing could take forever. And it certainly wasn't achieved in a general faculty meeting. Harsh decisions were made in the much smaller meetings attended only by Albus and the four Heads, and admits the scratching of chairs Albus reminded everybody present that he had planed one of those for the time immediately following a very short lunchbreak. Minerva glanced at her watch and shared a slightly annoyed look with Pomona Sprout, while Filius Flitwick was already out of the room and Severus ignored the general movement around him, still writing notes into his notebook with a sharp pencil.

Remus had no reason to linger behind, and pushed himself off his chair to follow Madame Hoch out of the room with the intention of catching Hagrid, who had excited just before her. He still needed to organise a few accommodations for creatures he would need, and Hagrid almost always had a - although sometimes slightly unrealistic - solution for Remus' problems. But Albus called him back. 

"Remus, just a moment. Severus?"

Raising his right hand to indicate that he needed a second more to finish his writing Severus scribbled the final line into the notebook, snapped it shut and looked up.

"Yes?"

His voice wasn't any more excited than his whole demeanour had been in the past hours, indicating at best that he was not actually deeming it important to pay any attention. Dodging Minerva on her way out Remus returned to the large table.

"No need for bubbly enthusiasm. I wanted to know if you've already cleaned your laboratory."

The silent question why Albus had exactly called Remus to join them in that conversation was clearly visible on Severus' face, but he just shrugged and tapped on his black notebook with a spindly index finger.

"Not yet, but I planned to do it tonight. So far there was nothing scheduled after dinner."

Understanding and appreciating the opportunity Remus jumped into the conversation. 

"Like a spring-cleaning?"

Albus smiled approval at Remus' initiative and nodded. "More like an autumn cleaning. Traditionally everybody who worked in a laboratory comes together, it's a ritualistic communal effort."

Watching Severus' face go from neutral to slightly horrified Remus just so managed to smile innocently. 

"Then I should lend a helping hand, just to honour the tradition."

He thought he had seen Severus wince at the phrasing, but in the end the idea solicited only a shrug from him. Albus, on the other hand, was delighted. 

"What a splendid idea! Four hands get so much more done than two, wouldn't you agree?"

Beaming at Severus it was obvious that Albus himself wasn't going to offer his own time, notwithstanding anything he might or might not have done in the laboratory. Shaking his head Severus gathered his papers and rose, glancing around the almost empty room. 

"It's always touching to see how much you like to sign others up for work."

His voice was bone-dry, but Albus only continued to smile.

"A man needs to know what he can do and is good at. And I'd venture Remus would be great at cleaning cauldrons, after all the learning effort in the last month."

Amused Remus watched the visible effort Severus put into resisting the temptation to use a well-placed curse on Albus, who, seemingly oblivious to Severus' internal struggle, only gently padded his shoulder. 

"I knew you two would get along splendidly."

Severus' growled slightly and moved just out of Albus' reach, turning to Remus.

"I will start tonight at nine." Then he hissed at Albus, adding something Remus couldn't quite understand. But it caused Albus to erupt in sudden laughter, and Severus marched out of the room slightly faster than usual, determinedly slamming the door behind him. 

What exactly had happened remained unclear, but Albus quickly caught himself again and, chatting amiably, accompanied Remus down to the Great Hall and towards lunch. Severus was not to be seen again, but Remus didn't have much time to think about anything else but his planning and the long list of things he had to deal with. He returned from a long talk with Hagrid just in time for dinner, which was only attended by the half of the faculty that had found enough time to sit down for longer than a few minutes. Notably all four Heads were missing, and Albus arrived late and with muttered apologies. The black dog was nowhere to be seen, either, but Remus was still pondering on their earlier quarrel and had no need to deal with Sirius at this point in time. Working had been good for his emotional clarity, but the turmoil from the morning was still fresh in his mind, and he wondered if his newfound ability to command his magic without help of his wand had done something to his usual rather composed self.

With dinner over quickly he returned to his rooms for only a short moment, changed into an old set of muggle clothing as he had been advised by Albus, and made his way over to Serpens tower. 

He found the door to the laboratory halfway opened and the room itself brightly lit. It had been rearranged from its usual layout, the work tables pushed against the walls and stacked upon each other, leaving most of the floor empty and easy to clean. One table had been moved next to the sink, and was covered in cauldrons that obvious needed a thorough cleaning.

Severus himself stood at the sink, watching the water filling up a bucket from which a strong scent of lemon emerged. Just like Remus he was dressed in obviously old clothing, washed-out jeans and a tattered long-sleeve shirt who both had been black some very long time ago, and had tied his hair back to keep it out of his face. Even with the layers of spells changing his appearance he looked much more tired than he had during the day, and Remus suddenly felt as if they were meeting again for the first time since they had parted in the morning. 

Inside the bucket the foam from the cleaning liquid became visible, and Severus stopped the running water with a handmotion before gesturing in Remus' direction. 

"I see Albus warned you not to ruin your robes further. Do you want to clean the floor or wash the cauldrons?"

Grinning Remus marched over to the sink. 

"What has happened to Good-evening-how-nice-you-are-helping-me?"

Snorting Severus heaved the bucket out of the sink and placed it on the floor, still eschewing the helpful addition of magic unless absolutely necessary.

"Since Albus cast it as part of your curriculum as aspiring genius in the field of alchemy I feel like there is no need for thanks."

Remembering what Albus had told him about Severus' apprenticeship with his master Basilius Valentinus Remus couldn't help but cede the point. 

"Albus said you spent much of your younger years scrubbing."

Picking the bucket up again and carrying toward the back of the room Severus nodded. "I still dream of that sink, at least once a month."

There was enough of actual painful memory in Severus' voice to ensure Remus that he was speaking the truth. 

"Then maybe I should do the washing, just to protect you from further sleepless nights. And are you going to scrub the floor by hand? I can't say I would object to watch you working on your knees."

There was a bit too much of a dark truth in the final sentence, and Remus realised far too late that he had maybe been to blunt. But Severus only snorted again, and picked a sturdy brush up from one of the tables. 

"There is a whole club dedicated to that view, I can assure you. The large bottle of Nihilio is in the storage room, heat it until it is nearly boiling. If your hands can't stand it I can teach you a spell to protect your skin."

Nodding Remus went to retrieve the bottle from the storage room. He found the chamber already impeccably clean and perfectly organised, proving that Severus had been busy with his autumn-cleaning for a while before Remus had arrived.

When he returned to the laboratory Severus had already splashed water on the ground and settled down, scrubbing the stones vigorously with the large brush. It was a strange sight to see him utterly concentrated on such a simple task, but he wasn't any more perfunctory then he would be handling dangerous and expensive ingredients. Remus decided to follow his example and turned to the cauldrons. 

Sorting them into groups that could go into the sink together was a quick thing, and he was waiting for the first batch of Nihilio to heat when he heard the brush stop scrubbing. 

"Did you see the large horned owl this afternoon?"

Keeping one eye on the slowly heating Nihilio while twisting just enough to turn around and look at Severus kneeling on the floor Remus just managed to shake his head.

"No, what owl?"

Contemplating for a second Severus nodded slowly. "Of course, you weren't in the castle during tea. Otherwise - it fell straight into Minerva's teacup. I thought you might have heard."

He hadn't, for some strange reason, although gossip usually raced through Hogwarts faster than fire through a barn stacked with dry bales of straw.

"I see I missed out on something potentially fun."

It wasn't clear from Severus' face if he considered it do be fun to watch a large owl fight a delicate teacup while Minerva looked on horrified, or potentially cast a barrage of spells to keep the beast from doing further damage. Remus made a mental note to ask her about it the next day, or maybe request the story from someone else who was more likely to tell it with all its glorious moments. 

"That would depend on your definition. In any case, it brought a letter for you."

Giving up on his heating spell Remus finally turned around for good. 

"A letter for me? Nobody told me."

Shrugging Severus dried his hands on the kitchen towel he kept slung over his shoulder, slowly stood up from where he had been kneeling, and walked over to the bookshelf on the other side of the room while carefully avoiding any spots he had already scrubbed clean. 

He returned with a small scroll he had picked up from a stack of books, and walking over handed it to Remus. It was light, but of good-quality cream coloured parchment. The outer address bore Severus' name, and the bright blue seal was already broken, but still easily to identify as a flowering tree with a single apple, growing out of a cauldron. Frowning Remus looked up, but Severus only motioned for him to open the scroll, and Remus followed his orders. 

It turned out to be a very short letter, in a round, clear script. The first line addressed Severus, but only ordered him to forward the letter to a certain Professor Lupinus, and the second part directly spoke to Remus and invited him to spent an afternoon at St. Aurelius as soon as possible, maybe the next Saturday, and to bring Severus along. The flowing lines of the signature were branching out in all directions, an elegant flourish attached to the last letter of Libvaius' name. Beneath it was a short post-scriptum, consisting of numbers and alchemical symbols.

Surprised Remus looked up. 

"Why does Professor Libavius invite me to Oxford? And am I supposed to understand the calculation as well?"

Grinning Severus took the letter from Remus and rolled it up again. 

"Even I don't understand that, but otherwise it's a very formal invitation, especially for his style. And you could consider yourself happy that he almost got your name right, that is quite an honour. And that he sent his damn incapable bird to me and not to you."

An incapable great horned owl sounded indeed like a rather complicated messenger, and Remus indeed considered himself happy that it hadn't landed in his teacup or soup. Then he started to mentally sort through his calendar and found that, if he worked just a bit longer the next evening, he could make the trip to Oxford happen. 

"And are you going?"

Already on his way over to the bookshelf to replace the scroll Severus looked back and nodded. 

"There's no Hyle left, as you remember, so I need to go anyway. His letter is a reply to mine, to be exact. It is on you to join me or not."

The scroll returned to its former place he turned around and made his way over to his bucket again. 

"It could work, yes. In the afternoon, he said at three?"

Nodding Severus picked up the brush again and dipped it into the bucket. For a moment Remus wondered whether they could repeat their visit to the café they had spent the last afternoon in Oxford in, but Severus had already focused on his cleaning efforts again. Nevertheless the image of the wonderful pastry selection stood in front of Remus' eye, and he found that musings on raspberry tartlets and fruit scones made the work much more agreeable - something Albus could have probably told him a very long time ago, had he cared to listen. 

They worked in silence for a quarter of an hour. Remus enjoyed manual labour, and scrubbing cauldrons wasn't too hard of a task that he wouldn't know how to do it properly. The movements were simple and repeated themselves over and over again, and soon he found himself in a meditative calm. Behind his back he heard the brush scrubbing the floor in the same recurring pattern.

Their quietude was suddenly interrupted by footsteps outside of the laboratory, and the unexpected appearance of Albus in the door. He carried a paper folder, and from the slight blush in his face it was obvious that he had hurried from wherever he had been. Being pulled back from his meditative calm Remus looked up in surprise and immediately sensed the strange change in atmosphere.

Albus' face was stern and it took Remus not two seconds to pick up on his barely concealed anger. He marched straight through the laboratory until he came to a stop right before the spot where Severus was scrubbing the floor, staring down at him.

"Explain this. Now."

Albus rarely gave orders, but when he did it was obvious that there was no room for refusal. Instantly Remus remembered the scene in the forest, and how Albus had mercilessly commanded Severus to do his will, using the exact same tone of voice now once more.

Severus, seemingly not too flustered, sat back on his heels.

"That floor was freshly cleaned. I do hope you have a good excuse for ruining it again."

Holding the paper folder out Albus glared at him.

"Actually it is you who I hope has a good excuse."

Sighing Severus placed the brush on the floor, rose slowly and dried his hands on the kitchen towel. Then he took the folder from Albus and flipped through its contents. He looked at the first papers, then quickly glanced up at Albus. But Albus only crossed his arms in front of his chest. Taking two steps back Severus sat on top of the nearest work table and with a gesture towards the door used a silent spell to close it. Remus felt the tension in the room rise as another spell descended, soundproofing the laboratory against any unwelcome listeners.

In the next minutes Severus silently read through the entire folder. Remus only managed to catch a glimpse or two of the papers inside, recognising them as official correspondence from the Ministry of Magic. It seemed out of place to continue scrubbing the cauldrons, so he dried his hands off, turned around and leant against the sink. 

When Severus was done he closed the folder again and looked up.

"You think I am connected to that."

His voice was calm and controlled, not betraying any emotion. Albus simply nodded, and then glanced at Remus over his shoulder.

"I think you should leave us alone for a moment, Remus."

But Severus help up a hand.

"That won't be necessary."

It seemed as if Albus didn't agree entirely, but he didn't complain. Remus tried to piece the information he had together, but he still couldn't quite catch what was going on.

Severus focused his attention back to Albus.

"So, let me sum it up. Aurors pulled the body of Harold Overy out of a northern river yesterday. It has been determined that he had been dead for a while already, and that his body had been drifting around the area. I'm surprised it wasn't in the paper this morning, but I guess it will be in there soon?"

Albus took the folder back.

"So far it's been kept under close wraps. As long as it isn't clear what happened to Overy the Ministry will not inform the press. Arthur passed the papers along to me just now against his orders."

Nodding Severus crossed his legs.

"I see. And would you care to tell me why exactly you believe it was me who killed Overy?"

The lines on Albus face deepened, and Remus recapitulated the events in the forest not too long ago. Going mentally through the timeline he remembered how Severus had been told to drop Overy off somewhere public and return, which he had done. Or so it had seemed at that point.

"You do have a motive, and you admitted that you had considered killing him. The opportunity would have been there. It wouldn't have been illogical if you think about it - no need to worry about him spilling any of your secrets anymore. Tempting, maybe?"

Remus didn't like the tone in Albus' voice, the accusation all too clear. Severus remained stoic.

"As flattered as I am you miss the crucial point."

He pointed towards the closed folder. "The second report states Overy was killed by a clean killing curse. We both agree that anybody could use an Avada, there's not much magic to that. It's simply a blast of energy."

Albus nodded. "And?"

"As I said, it's a blast of energy. But it uses a lot of magic that needs to be focused on that single aim to kill immediately. As much as I might be honoured by you thinking I could perform a spell like that without my wand - I can't."

Following the argument Remus recalled the scene in the forest once more and then quickly connected the pieces together. And Albus did, too.

"I had your wand."

Severus nodded, face still void of any visible emotion.

"Yes. And I didn't have time or opportunity afterwards. If I had killed Overy I would have had to do so at that moment. I haven't left Hogwarts much afterwards, and while I was outside the castle I was in, well, company, though I assume I cannot ask the Dark Lord to stand as witness to my whereabouts. In any case, the last time I saw Overy he was still alive. I placed him in a public space, wiped the traces of my magic off him and left."

Albus nodded. "You weren't gone long."

"Five minutes, or less. And you know everything I did afterwards. You questioned me under Veritasserum, if you remember."

For a short moment Albus didn't speak, and in the silence Remus could hear the sounds of the forest coming in through the open windows. A soft wind came into the laboratory, and the floor where Albus stood was almost dry again.

From the way Severus looked straight at Albus Remus was willing to bet that there was some level of Legilimency at action that he couldn't detect. But he wasn't too sure.

Albus drew a deep breath and his shoulders relaxed.

"I owe you an apology. I don't know why - I'm sorry. It was too tempting."

Severus kept his arms crossed in front of his chest, his face still blank. But his voice was flat, and Remus detected the well-hidden hurt just barely.

"Understandably."

Albus shook his head, but before he could say something or apologise again Severus continued.

"I should be able to solve the mystery tonight."

Surprised Albus raised an eyebrow. "He will call?"

Shrugging Severus allowed his arms to drop. "Yes, and I assume there will be a rather large gathering. It should be possible to find someone who knows."

"Just in time before the new year begins. Are you sure?"

Instead of a reply Severus pushed back the sleeve of his shirt over his left arm, revealing the skull of the Dark Mark burned into his skin, its lines blurred and angrily red with inflammation.

Visibly without thinking Albus reached out, but Severus pulled his arm back quickly, raising his hands to stop the anticipated touch. With a hurt look on his face Albus dropped his arms.

"Has that happened before? I can't recall."

Pulling his sleeve down again to obscure the Dark Mark Severus shrugged. "He's impatient. It will be a very interesting night."

Nodding Albus stepped back. "Please come to me afterwards. Even if there's nothing to tell me. And please - " He hesitated a moment, and a short look of desperation crossed over his face " - just be careful."

Crossing his arms in front of his chest Severus seemed unwilling to accept an apology so quickly.

"Yes. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Albus flinched under the coolness in Severus' voice, but then shook his head. "No, I'll leave you both to your cleaning. Apologies for interrupting you in the first place."

And with that he was gone again, leaving the door wide open behind him. The silencing spell dissolved as if nothing had happened.

In the laboratory Severus remained unmoving, and Remus tried to find words fitting the situation without finding anything useful or suitable to say. For a moment they remained in silence. Then Severus pushed himself off the table. 

"Apologies for pulling you into this. I've recently learnt a few things about the value a witness can have in certain situations."

Gesturing his approval Remus silently wondered if he had ever heard Severus apologise as often as he had in the past two days, but then pushed the question aside quickly. 

"Of course, I don't mind. It's a very unfortunate situation, really."

Shrugging Severus returned to his bucket, slowly kneeling down again and picking the brush up from where he had left it on the floor. 

"Business as usual, rest assured."

There was too much controlled neutrality in Severus' voice to ensure Remus that he meant what he said, but also that he wasn't going to elaborate on the situation. There was no need to push the matter further. 

"I see, but still - you know what I mean. Can I ask you something else?"

Not looking quite comfortable Severus shrugged again, and his silence indicated that he was at least listening. 

"I noticed twice that Albus' touch seemed to hurt you sometimes, especially when he touches the, ehm, the Mark. Is that always so?"

Having already dipped the brush into the water Severus put it back down again for a moment, looking at least mildly surprised. 

"So this is why Albus claims you're useful in the field. How interesting. It hurts, but only occasionally, usually when the Mark is more or less active."

Being offended for a moment Remus gulped down a snarky reply, and pursued the offered line of thought further. 

"I take that as a compliment, I guess. Do you know why?"

Picking the brush up again Severus shrugged. "Think of it as ownership issues. And now back to your cauldrons, or it will be tomorrow morning until we're finished here."

The phrasing made Remus shudder internally, but there was no point in pushing further. But even thought the work soon lulled him into a meditative state again his thoughts didn't stop circling over the scene he had just witnessed, and he couldn't help but muse on the uneasy feeling in his stomach.

They didn't speak much, even after they finished their cleaning. The laboratory had returned to its former order, set up with the work tables in their proper places, and seemed to shine with cleanliness. Looking over the fruits of their efforts Remus couldn't help but notice how good it felt to actually see the results his word yielded. Teaching was a wonderful thing, but simple physical work sometimes gave him a satisfaction hardly any other type of work could provide.

"Looks good, just so we can mess it up again with the Wolfsbane."

Hiding a small smile Severus nodded, drying his hands one last time on one of the towels.

"Indeed, but only if we're successful in Oxford. But I wouldn't worry much about it."

Behind them the lights in laboratory went out, and the door shut with the usual satisfying thud. Together they walked down the corridor, Remus feeling pleasantly tired from his work. It wasn't midnight yet, and while Severus carried enough books from his shelves to at least uphold the illusion that he was going to work instead of sitting around until the call he was expecting came Remus had no such pretences. At best he would simply sink into his bed, at worst Sirius would be waiting for him and he'd need to sort through his mental and friendship-related chaos again, possibly with the help of larger amounts of alcohol. 

With sudden acuteness he remembered the question he had completely forgotten over the dirty cauldrons and accusations of murder, but a sideglance at Severus' tense posture made it obvious that there would be better moments to ask than now, hopefully at least. 

They parted ways at the top of the staircase, Severus taking the way to his rooms, Remus going towards towards the other side of the castle. Nodding Severus indicated his goodbye. 

"Did I prove myself worthy of my status as assistant?"

Stopping for a moment Severus looked at least slightly pleased. "My master would chide me for my low standards, but you did."

Recognising a compliment when he saw one Remus grinned. 

"We can't please anyone. It was good to do some hands-on work, I needed that to find some calm."

To his surprise Severus easily picked up on the actual meaning of Remus' words. "Wandless magic can be very confusing at first. And - " He paused a moment, looking rather inquisitive at Remus. " - well. Is it still working?"

Nodding Remus opened his palms, felt the power tingle in his fingers and produced an orb glowing in soft, warm light. It wasn't necessary in the already lightened corridor, but the sheer possibly of conjuring the light still made him giddy and proud. Closing his palms again the light was gone, only the tingle of power remaining in his blood. 

Severus shifted his weight in a slightly curious movement, and then nodded. "I see. Give it some time to settle, you will get used to it. If - " he paused again, and now Remus felt suspicion rising in him. 

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

Shaking his head Severus straightend up, opened his mouth to answer, winced, and started anew. "We will see. I have to go."

Without as much as another glance he turned around, and hurried up towards his rooms. It was obvious what had happened, and Remus kept himself from saying anything else. 

Returning to his own rooms after a leisurely stroll through the castle he found his assumptions validated and his whiskey stock in sudden danger. Sirius was sprawled in his armchair with the same book as the morning, willing to confront and, if possible, talk Remus out of anything he found atrocious. It took them almost two hours of shouting and negotiating and half the bottle of whiskey to reaffirm their friendship, and in the end Sirius ceded that Remus could maybe do what and whom he wanted, and that there were other, much more important things in life than that. 

Remus fell asleep with the promise of a terrible headache the next morning, far too few hours until sunrise and a loudly snoring black dog on the carpet in front of his bed.


	27. Things are tougher than we are

The next morning Remus awoke to find a pounding headache in his skull and the same snoring black dog on his bedside carpet. Groaning he turned around, pulling the blanket over his head. His whole body protested his every movement, clamouring for respite after a night of too much talk and far too much alcohol. But there was no time to bury himself deeper into the blankets, and Remus dragged himself out of bed cursing under his breath, stumbling over the dog and trying to solve the issue with a long shower and fresh clothing. 

Neither did much to help him, and he shot an angry and envious glance at the dog who was still curled up on the carpet and fast asleep when Remus left his rooms. The night had brought heavy rain, and it continued to pound on the windows he passed by on his way downstairs. For the first time since a long time he was glad of the many layers his teaching robes provided, with the heat already nearly completely gone from inside the castle walls, leaving him shivery on top of the headache still knocking on his skull. It seemed liked a perfect idea to drop by Severus' rooms after breakfast and request one of the incredibly effective hangover-cures the man had given him after their adventure in the opium den, and he decided to try and see if he couldn't get himself a vial with some sweet talk and indecent proposals.

First he decided on breakfast, though, in the vain hope that a bowl of porridge could calm is stomach. He was a bit late, and most chairs at the table were already occupied, with only Albus and Severus missing. Remus took his usual chair next to Minerva, reached for the teapot and only then realised that he had walked into what resembled a funerary procession rather than a breakfast situation. Looking around most faces at the table were concerned or angry looking, and there was hardly any of the usual chatter. 

For a second he felt panic rising up at the back of his throat, but then Minerva pushed the breadbasket and the newspaper towards him. Under the bold black headline the picture left no questions on what had caused the general sorrow. The black-and-white rectangle showed a gritty image of what seemed to be the remains of a village, houses burnt to black skeletal appearing structures in the foreground, flames still high in the background. The night sky was almost concealed by the smoke, but amongst the drifting clouds Remus still saw the skull and didn't need any indicator to know it was painted into the tainted nightsky with green light. 

He didn't need to read the article to know what happened. Lowering the newspaper he felt his headache flame up again, hammering against his skull with fresh power. For a moment he closed his eyes, massaging his temples, and listened to the sounds of his colleagues eating and muttering curses to befall Tom Riddle and his deranged followers. When Remus opened his eyes again Minerva looked at him from the side, patiently waiting for him to notice her. 

"Are you feeling quite alright, Remus?"

She sounded worried, but he could easily sense how angry she was at the events the newspaper had informed them about. 

"Just a headache, my own fault. Too much, well, talk last night." He wasn't quite willing to admit that he had disputed with Sirius, but Minerva still nodded with the sympathy of a person well versed in the art of drinking and familiar with its consequences. Remus tapped on the newspaper once. 

"This is terrible."

Immediately Minervas' face overshadowed and she muttered a curse in what Remus assumed was a Scottish dialect. 

"If we had known or - but it won't help now. One day, though. One day."

She didn't have to say what she meant. There was enough aggression in the air already, too many muttered threats to what anyone present would do if they could just lay their hands on Tom Riddle, and Remus suddenly understood why Severus wasn't at the table, and had an inkling that he wouldn't see any of him all day long. 

He was almost right. Spending his own day continuing his efforts to organise the next year Remus ran back and forth between his office, his classroom and the library. The day passed quickly, and it was already teatime when Sirius managed to drag him away from his books and files for at least a very short time. Heavy rain continued to fall, and Remus couldn't help but complain all the way down towards the Great Portal. He didn't really see much joy in taking a walk in that weather, or even just stand outside the portal underneath the overhanging roof and stare into the grey mass of rain. 

But Sirius insisted, and remembering the frailty of their freshly negotiated harmony Remus duly followed him. With the black dog rushing ahead he marched through the large wooden wings of the door, both propped open invitingly during the day, and stopped at the top of the large staircase leading downwards towards the courtyard. For a moment there was nothing but the sound of the rain pattering on the stones. Then Remus smelled the cigarette smoke. 

He discovered Severus around the corner, almost hidden by a large column supporting the overhanging roof. He leant against the stone, inside an alcove created by the decorative ensemble surrounding the door, just so protected from the downpour and easy to overlook. If he hadn't kept the burning cigarette between his fingers Remus wouldn't have spotted him, and it didn't take a moment longer for the black dog to pick up on the unusual scent as well. Immediately his excited demeanour changed, and cowering low he growled. Sirius had read the newspaper, too, Remus realised. 

Severus had probably noticed them long before they had realised he was there as well. He didn't look particularly surprised nor pleased to be interrupted. The cigarette between his long fingers was almost entirely burnt down already, and judging from his formal academic dress he had taken a little break not from working in the laboratory but the same preparations for the new year that had kept Remus busy. 

The slowly advancing black dog didn't seem to bother him too much, but Remus had spent enough time with Severus in the past weeks to recognise the subtle tension in his body. He looked at Padfoots' demonstration of fury with open distaste, though he still continued to smoke calmly until the dog was very obviously moving into his direction, elegantly balancing along the small ledge him himself must have taken to reach his alcove. 

"Lupin, control your pet."

There wasn't much room for doubt in his voice that if Remus failed to call Padfoot back Severus would make sure they would regret it. Cursing inwardly Remus recalled how much effort he had just put into pacifying their old differences, and how easily everything proved to be in vain once more.

"Padfoot, come here. Please."

But the dog didn't care. Still growling he moved closer to Severus, who was now watching him intently. He didn't move until the dog was so close it could almost reach him, needing just one more jump to bury sharp teeth into his leg or whatever it would reach. He didn't even take out his wand, if he even had it on his person. All he needed was a handmotion, brushing air away from him almost lazily, and the black dog was pushed off the small ledge by an invisible hand and fell. 

It wasn't a deep fall, and nothing an agile animal couldn't easily brush off quickly. But the sudden tumble had taken the dog by surprise, and it needed a moment to recover, now cowering on the wet grass in the rain. There was no need for Remus to check on his friend, but he had held his breath for a second and without actually realising it instinctively drawn his wand. 

"And that was necessary?"

Shrugging Severus dropped the remains of his now burnt-out cigarette onto the grass, carelessly discarding it. Having Remus' wand pointed at him didn't seem to bother him particularly.

"Since you are unable to hold your dog in check it was."

The dog in question answered with a growl, and from the way he picked himself off the grass Remus realised he was getting ready to jump. It was only a small distance, and without question he would have managed to return up to the ledge without needing much strength. But before he could even make the first move his limbs were suddenly frozen in place. He whelped once, a whining, high-pitched sound, and then fell involuntarily silent. 

Turning back to Remus Severus pushed himself off the wall he had leant against, and carefully picked his way back along the ledge towards the stairhead where Remus was still standing, staring at his stupified and forcefully silenced friend. The heavy rain was slowly soaking through the black fur, and it would take a while in front of a fireplace to warm the dog back up again. 

"You are overreacting."

Remus couldn't help but shoot Severus a look of reproach, watching him reach the stairhead, but moving towards the Great Portal instead of joining him.

"This is not a good day to test my patience."

Remembering the images he had seen in the newspaper Remus could only snort, angry about the quick escalation and the careless way Severus had dealt with it. 

"Really? I though you would have already found an outlet for your aggression last night."

There was more anger in his voice then he had anticipated would seep through, and the words hit the mark. The expression on Severus' face remained completely empty, but for a moment Remus thought he saw him tense up further before he wordlessly turned around, and stalked through the large wooden doors. Before he was entirely out of sight Remus saw him move a hand, and the spells holding and silencing the dog dissolved. Then he was gone, heavy steps quickly moving further and further away, until Remus couldn't hear them any longer. 

Padfoot lingered on the ground a second longer. Then he bounced upwards and with quick leaps ran up to the stairhead where Remus still stood. Shaking himself the dog sent droplets of water flying everywhere, and for a brief moment Remus thought he saw deep green sparks flying out of the dark fur. He blinked, but couldn't be sure if he hadn't imagined that. He had, however, not imagined the dark growl with which the dog stared through the large portal into the direction Severus had taken. Giving his friend a stern look Remus shook his head. 

"Don't you dare. I won't carry the remains of you back to Poppy and make her fix you if Severus takes you apart this time."

Whining Padfoot turned around and stared at Remus with much more curiosity in his glance then a dog should be able to express. But Remus had no intention to explain anything, and when he turned around and made his way back to his room the dog followed slowly and begrudgingly. 

The rain didn't stop all evening, and Remus' thoughts seemed to match the grey clouds hanging over the turrets. He was too busy to brood over the situation for too long, but his mind returned again and again to the second he had accused Severus of enjoying the murderous spree Remus now was certain he had been forced to participate in the previous night. It hadn't quite been the most sensitive thing to say, maybe.

It was shortly before dinner that Remus finally gave himself a mental kick sufficiently strong to actually get up and try to find Severus. The wording hadn't been right, the timing had been bad, and his intention had been something entirely different. He needed to clear the air before it was too late, if it wasn't already. Everybody knew that Severus could tend to his grudges for years, and rumour had it he kept a possibly beautifully organised list of people who had done him wrong, waiting for the perfect moment to make good on what he was owed. To Remus that sounded just a little bit exaggerated, but then who could know? If he owned demonic books he could just as well have a blacklist stashed away somewhere.

Wandering the castle Remus tried the obvious places first, but Severus wasn't in his office or in his private rooms - or he simply didn't reply when Remus knocked. Acknowledging defeat Remus was on his way down again from Serpens Tower when he decided to try the laboratory, just because it seemed like a possible place even though he was fairly sure Severus hadn't planned to work that evening, and probably didn't even have the slightest amount of time for it. 

But his knock was answered by the door unlocking itself, and bracing himself Remus carefully pushed it open. Outside the grey rain kept pouring down, but the room was bright with artificial light, leaving Remus to blink for a moment until his eyes had adjusted. The laboratory was flooded with heavy scents coming from the three cauldrons set above three tripods, batches of dark blue smoke rising in regular intervals. Controlled fire had warmed the room up to comfortable temperatures, and the air was thick with the scent of herbs and earthy substances. Sniffing carefully, and for a moment entirely forgetting the purpose of his visit Remus took the smells apart, recognising sage and birchtree quickly. It was intoxicating, and he needed to shake his head to brush the scents away and clear his mind. 

Severus was working next to the three cauldrons, dressed in his old and tattered labrobe, concentrated on a large chopping board and the large knife he was wielding with calm, precise movements. He had looked up shortly when Remus had entered, but now was entirely focussed on his work again. The cauldrons seemed relatively harmless, but Remus recognised a controlled time-sensitive environment when he saw one, and it was obvious that Severus would not find time to concentrate on anything else for the moment. Still, he had to say something. 

"Apologies for interrupting, but I - " 

But he didn't get far. 

"Silence, please."

Still focussed on his work Severus simply continued chopping whatever he had on his cutting board, the large knife hitting the dark wood in precise movements. The tocking sound accompanied Remus on his way through the lab, and it didn't cease when he took a seat behind Severus' makeshift desk and continued to watch. The rhythm never broke, an endless toc-toc-toc of blade on wood, again and again. Settling back in the chair Remus briefly wondered whether he should feel bad that he was taking advantage of the fact that Severus was stuck behind his cauldrons, any move to kick Remus out risking the perfect balance of the potion. But he decided against it, and indulging in the knowledge that he was save from Severus' temper for once Remus sat back, crossed his legs and enjoyed the view.

He had no idea what Severus was working on, but based on the ingredients he could see and smell, and the fact that he wasn't using a formula Remus guessed that it was a rather common potion needed for the stocks of the Hospital Wing. It fell into Severus' field of duty to keep Poppy's shelves well stocked, and he hadn't used much of his time during the summer to actually do that. It seemed only logical that he would try to catch up as long as the castle was still relatively calm, and by now Remus knew him well enough to acknowledge that brewing also was very likely to be a task that would help Severus to keep busy and at the same time return his mind to a state of calm control.

And there was no need to deny that watching him did something good for Remus himself, too. He hadn't had much chance to simply sit and observe in his weeks of working with Severus, and even when he had done so extensively in the memory of him brewing the Wolfsbane Remus had been so tense and panicked that he hadn't really had any time to appreciate what he saw. 

He did so now. And more: while he watched Severus move between chopping board and cauldrons he realised how much he had learnt. He could have given a commentary to what Severus was doing, the movements all purposeful and well-rehearsed. He understood at least half of what he saw, even though he didn't know what the final potion was supposed to look like. Remus could pinpoint the moments when Severus was counting seconds to measure the rising heat, could name a few of the silent spells he was using to keep the cauldrons in perfect synch, could have told anyone who had asked how the colour of the fire had to change against the heavy iron of the small cauldrons. The warmth in the laboratory in combination with the useful and still somehow elegant work in front of him relaxed Remus, and the thick herbal smell slowly crawled into his mind and made him sleepy. 

The meditative calm, broken only by the soft cling of wooden spoons in the cauldrons and knives on the wood lulled him into a space of mental calm, and Remus drifted off into his own thoughts easily. He was aware of the smile on his face making him look like an absolute idiot, but there was nothing he could do to brush it away while he watched. He couldn't help but notice how the tension he had seen when he had marched into the laboratory uninvited had slowly dripped off Severus' face and posture again, making way for a deep concentration. And then even that vanished and left space for the same meditative feeling Remus had. It was obvious that Severus wasn't thinking about what he was doing, that he didn't need to. The sequence of movements was deeply ingrained, and he didn't need to pause and check, didn't need to guess or wonder. There was the same determination a man walking in his sleep had, but while a somnambulist didn't know what he was doing Severus exactly knew, and could trust his hands to know, too. It had taken years of training, years of work and drill and practise to reach that routine, and there was nothing but admiration in Remus for that. And that was what he had tried to reach in his mere weeks of fiddling around with fire? It was absurd.

And then Severus was done. Every herb and ingredient had found its way into the cauldrons, had simmered the appropriate time and been infused with the necessary magical potency. The cauldrons had huffed and puffed in perfectly measured intervals, had bubbled and boiled, and then been cooled down with a quick spell Severus cast by moving both hands over all three cauldrons in one swift, calculated motion. Remus had felt the tiny twist in the magical atmosphere in the lab, inhaled the herbal scent deeply once more and then calmly watched while Severus sealed the cauldrons and coded the time-spell that would keep a precise watch over the cauldrons while the potion rested. Bending over his table he picked up a pencil and made notes in the small notebook he kept open on the far end of the table, away from the fire. Waving a hand into the direction of the cauldron he took readings Remus didn't recognise, scribbled the results into the book and then dropped the pencil. 

Turning around slowly he seemed to notice Remus again for the first time after he had slipped into his cloud of concentration. There was nothing obvious from his face beyond a small hint of displeasure, but it wasn't enough to break the deep calm that had settled over Remus. There were still clouds of dark blue smoke hanging under the ceiling of the laboratory, dissolving only slowly. For a moment Severus seemed to ponder his cauldrons, in an uncharacteristic display of reluctance. Then he moved towards Remus, only to stop a few steps away, leaning against the table with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Returning his stare Remus noted the silent challenge, but also that he wasn't wearing long sleeves in concession to the heat in the laboratory, and the Dark Mark was still visible on his left arm, softly blurred now that it was inactive. 

Taking it as a stern reminder of why he had come Remus cleared his throat and pushed himself up in his chair. 

"Well, yes. I wanted to apologise."

Severus remained unmoving, dark eyes still fixed on Remus, unreadable. But Remus wasn't dead from a very much expected curse, so he nodded and continued. 

"So, I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I shouldn't have in the first place, but I wasn't really thinking."

Still not achieving anything he added an afterthought. "I didn't mean it."

That, finally, earned him a reaction. Severus' left eyebrow wandered upwards towards his hairline, and while he still didn't make any motion to curse Remus all the way back to his rooms it didn't make him look more approachable. But when he answered he only sounded tired. 

"No-one ever does."

It only then dawned on Remus that what he had seen earlier in reaction to his words hadn't been anger, or not anger alone, but also disappointment. He was scrambling for words, frantically searching for the answer that would reassure Severus, but his attempt had been too visible in his face. 

"There is no need for you to try."

Severus' voice had dropped slightly, cooler now and more detached, but also for the very first time hinting towards defeat behind the layers of neutral tiredness. It was enough for Remus do abandon his search and swiftly change course of action. Without a word he stood up from his chair, walking around the desk, all the time feeling Severus' gaze upon him, half waiting for an answer, half suspecting the next blow. Nothing changed in his face when Remus stopped in front of him. He remained unmoving, and Remus closed the distance between them without waiting for another chance, stopping just for the question he needed to ask. 

"But if I want to, will you let me?"

He paused quickly, with only inches of air between them, his hands already reaching out. He heard Severus inhale sharply, obviously thrown off guard, doubt ghosting over his face and then vanishing. But the answer came, silently, just a nod. It was enough to send Remus crashing into Severus' thin body, arms wrapping around him, the smell of lavender and strong tea immediately in his senses mixed with the strong herbal scent from the potion and remains of cigarette smoke. And then they were kissing, Remus trying to put everything he hadn't said into a kiss and failing miserably with anything beyond offering physical sympathy, consolation via touch. There was no hesitation in reply, Severus' hands finding their place on Remus' body easily, one resting on his side, the other sprawled against his lower back. 

Through the hazy clouds filling his endorphine drenched mind Remus wondered whether Severus would protest the idea of sex on a workbench when a sharp knock on the door sounded and both drew back simultaneously. Posing a silent questing Remus stared at Severus, who only shrugged. While the view of his slightly bruised lower lip made Remus' mind return to the question of sex in a laboratory a second knock sounded, and the door opened. 

It left Remus with enough time to move back a bit further and try to look as innocent as possible, while Severus, remaining perched against the table straightened his back ever so slightly.

"Severus?"

The panic on Severus' face was there and then gone again with the speed of lightening, but it was visible long enough to spark amusement in Remus. Then the door was open and Albus Dumbledore walked idly into the laboratory, looking for all the world as if he were regularly walzing into any and every private room in the entire castle. 

His looked worried, but only until he saw Remus and Severus standing opposite each other, the three cooling cauldrons in the background. The eternal smile growing slightly in size and inching towards deep amusement he stopped, looking from one to the other with a horrible twinkle in his eyes that told Remus that he knew exactly what was going on and was only inches away from giggling and clapping his hands. It made Remus' bite his tongue to prevent him from hysterical laughter as well, and only intensified the look of horror slowly crawling over Severus' features. 

"Oh, did I interrupt you?"

Shaking his head and returning to his usual posture of crossed arms in front of his chest Severus tried his best to look, well, normal. He managed surprisingly well, and there was no hint in his voice of anything unusual, which somehow seemed to disappoint Remus and Albus alike.

"Of course not. What can I do for you?"

Still looking back and forth between both Albus sauntered closer, hands leisurely in the pockets of his robes. 

"Oh, nothing of importance. I simply wanted to remind you to join us for dinner, but I see Remus had the same idea. Or were you working together?"

Mercifully turning his attention away he eyed the cauldrons, sniffed audibly and then examined the remains of the smoke still lingering under the ceiling. 

"Ah, Poppy will be so pleased. Her Skele-grow stocks are all gone, and it's only reasonable that you would take care of that. It will be done tomorrow?"

Nodding Severus pushed himself off the table and joined Albus in his examination of the cauldrons. 

"She supplied me with a list of potions last week, but my work got slightly delayed. I will aim to comply with her requests as soon as possible, however."

Remus had a feeling that Albus was more than ever inches away from a serious outburst of belly-shaking laughter, holding himself together just so by diverting his attention to the cauldrons. It intensified when Albus' gaze wandered over the table and returned to Remus, again taking inventory of what he was seeing. There was no chance on earth the headmaster was missing the flush on Remus' neck, and it wasn't very likely he would consider any of the possible excuses. The feeling of amusement Remus' felt tingled on his skin again, and then Albus' attention focussed on Severus once more. He looked at him from the side, Severus' own gaze downturned in observation of the cauldrons. 

There was another tingle of magic on Remus' skin, a quick brush of an invisible hand over his bare arms, and then Severus turned to face Albus and tried to say something that was interrupted by a sudden outburst of laughter. Surprised Severus turned again towards Remus, but he could only shrug, and both stared at Albus. His broad laughter was almost bending him over, and he had put both hands on the table to stabilise himself. In a huff Severus stuffed both his hands into the pockets of his labrobe. 

"Albus?"

He sounded confused, but Albus only lifted one hand off the table and without requesting permission clapped it on Severus' thin shoulder. Wiping tears from his eyes with the corner of his sleeve he forcefully straightened himself, holding on to Severus' shoulder, but needed a moment longer to compose himself and catch his breath. Watching the spectacle Remus couldn't help but smile broadly himself, amused about Albus laughter as well as the fact that Severus had obviously no idea how to cope or control the situation. 

"Forgive me - I am just so very - oh, this is wonderful. Wonderful."

The fragment of a sentence did nothing to clear Severus' confusion. 

"Excuse me?"

He sounded on the brink of officially requesting an explanation he would never get, and Albus was slowly catching his breath again. Calming himself he steadied his stance, still leaving one hand clasped around Severus' shoulder, obviously refusing to let go of the chance to casually hold on to his ever evasive spy for a moment longer, relishing in the for once lightweight situation. He took a few more deep breaths, and then, slowly, drew his hand back. 

"Yes, very well. I would leave you to it, but dinner is almost served, and both of your attendance would be important. And we're of course meeting with all other Heads afterwards, but you never forget these things, so - yes. I will see you in the Great Hall in a few minutes, no?"

With that and a final wink in Remus' direction Albus sorted his artfully draped robes, and with far more panache then usually marched out of the laboratory, closing the door behind him with a pronounced pull. 

Speechless both Severus and Remus stared at the closed doors. 

"What in the name of all magical creatures was that?"

Severus blinked, and then shook his head to clear his thoughts. "I'd be damned if I know."

Then he looked at the table in front of him and suddenly realised that he neglected his duties to clean his workspace. With unusual haste he moved and began the collect his utensils. Remus, snapping out of his amused stupor, took pity and joined him, easily anticipating what needed to be done. 

They moved around the laboratory in comfortable silence now that their demons had been called by their name, exorcised and appropriately laughed at by Albus. It took them a mere quarter of an hour to clean everything as needed, and after taking the readings of the cauldrons once more Severus shrugged out of his laboratory robe and collected his robes from the storage room. Remus watched him button up his waistcoat and slip into the wide robe, layers of black again fluttering around him into their place. Then they were outside the lab and the door locked behind them. 

Together they strolled down the staircases, still in what Remus decided was a silence growing more and more companionable. But they hadn't even reached the upper corridors leading towards the Great Hall when Severus excused himself, citing the need to quickly drop a letter off at the owlery, and vanished without waiting for Remus' answer. It had obviously only been a manoeuvre to avoid arriving in the Great Hall together, and logically Remus was very much aware that however well he might get along with Severus, there would never be any kind of public expression of it. He had never expected anything else and still couldn't help but feel an echo of sadness while he descended the stairs alone.

In the Great Hall the table was already crowded with faculty members. The gloomy atmosphere of the morning seemed to have evaporated under the pressure of their shared reality of preparations for the new year in various shades of panic, and the air was filled with chatter touching every topic from the numbers of students for each house as they were anticipated to the everlasting controversy about the possibility that the lake could completely freeze this winter. Severus silently slipped into the last empty chair only minutes later, nodding to nobody in particular, and Remus almost overlooked Filius Flitwick returning the greeting with a dip of his head and a small smile. Albus had seen it, too, and he seemed to relax ever so slightly before tapping his fork to his waterglass and greeting everybody with a small speech that ended with the helpful reminder that they had to celebrate their respective freedom one last time tomorrow before the students returned. Everybody laughed at the silly joke, and agreed loudly. 

When he was done the platters and bowls of steaming food appeared, and before anyone could even move Minerva called the plate with steak towards her and started to deposit a few large, tender looking pieces on her plate before transferring it down into Hagrid's hands. 

"I can't believe summer is gone. It never feels real until we recast the wards."

Observing her now tightly tied bun Remus nodded and considered commenting on her hairstyle. He decided against it, however, and passed the potatoes to Pomona Sprout.

"Is that what is going to happen tonight?"

Minerva watched the breadbasket float past her face into Filius' outstretched hands, obviously contemplating whether she should halt its journey, but ultimately decided against it.

"Yes, we always do it the last Friday before the students arrive. The layers need time to settle before all this magical chaos breaks out - but you've never been here before for that, haven't you?"

Remus considered the addition of vinegar to his chips and decided against it. "No, it was my first summer. Last year I arrived with the students."

"Luckily, if I might say. Here, have the salt. No, it's not that spectacular. But you will see."

The bread basket came floating back, but this time it hovered right past Remus and deposited itself in front of Severus.

"I would say it is spectacular."

Minerva smiled at him, shaking her head. "Only because you are still so young, Severus. And it absolutely isn't your type of magic, so naturally you would find it rather impressive."

Allowing his curiosity free reign Remus interjected before Severus could even begin a reply. 

"What do you mean by that?"

Minerva gestured into Severus' general direction with her knife before attacking her steak, launching into a lengthy monologue while she sawed at the meat. 

"Well, casting protective shielding spells is very close to Transfiguration in so far as the first basic steps of every Transfiguration spell include detecting existing patterns and then manipulating them. Shieldings spells can work very similarly on a basic level, because they detect structures and then simply tighten what is already there until it becomes impermeable. Advanced shielding magic requires the capability to weave various spells into one, analyse magical textures and connect existing magical tissue together. The basic shielding spells you would use, say, in a duel are only one quick spell, and it does all that by itself, more or less. But the Hogwarts wards are a complicated weave of spells, some cast hundreds of years ago. They take some damage during the year, of course, so we need to have a look at them, see where the texture is frayed or damaged, and remove a few layers to cast them completely new. It's quite a bit of work."

Flitwick nodded. "It will take all evening, I fear. Always does."

"Did you just insult my capability to work with advanced textural magic, Minerva?"

Giggling she impaled a piece of steak with her fork and nodded enthusiastically. "I am glad you got the hint."

Severus' answer got lost in the laughter rising around her, but Remus threw a quick glance at him and noticed that he seemed more relaxed than before.

The conversation drifted away from the wards, and Remus didn't ask any further question. But the same evening he suddenly realised what Minerva had meant. He was sitting at his desk, enjoying the calm evening while finishing a few final tasks so he could accompany Severus to Oxford the next day. Writing a final remark into his lecture plan for the sixth year Ravenclaws he considered adding a note to point them towards a certain volume of the library when suddenly he felt as if the stones underneath his feet were shuddering, a wave of magic passing over the castle and spreading out over the forest. A quick glance out of the window showed him that there was nothing to see, but even when he sat down again he felt the tingle of power prickling on his skin. 

The strange sensation didn't cease all night. He had no clue how it exactly worked, but however it did - the combined magic of the four Heads of Houses, with Albus' own power added to it was impressive. Until long after midnight he felt the adjustments in the magical atmosphere in the castle, and he slept strangely well that night, as if the strong spells had somehow put his mind at ease and allowed him to finally relax fully again.

The next day Remus' workload continued to keep him busy up until the very last minute of his agreed upon meeting time with Severus. In a hurry he dressed in muggle clothing appropriate for the visit, adding a thin jacket and an umbrella after looking out of the window again. The heavy rain had stopped, but the clouds were still hanging low and the sky looked grey and dull. 

When he met Severus at the Great Portal he found that Severus had followed the same line of thought, already looking like he had abandoned any thought of summer dressed in dark wool suit coat over his shirt with heavy leather boots. He looked tired even through his layers of illusion spells, as if he were almost asleep on his feet, and remained mostly silent on their way up to the forest.

"So I guess casting the wards was a bit of work?"

Pushing a hand through his hair as if to arrange it newly Severus exhibited a rare moment of vanity before nodding. "It's exhausting at the best of times. And as Minerva put it so nicely, it's not my type of magic at all."

Remembering the shudders of pure power rippling through the stones Remus nodded. 

"It was impressive, just as you said. I could feel the five of you going through the various layers all night long."

Stifling a yawn Severus dropped his hand and stuffed it into the pockets of his dark jeans, too obviously out of Remus' sight.

"It took ages this time. One of the lower spells had frayed remarkably in the past year and needed to be redone almost completely. By now the castle itself is so thoroughly saturated with magic that it's surprising it needs any added power at all. But it does, quite a bit. Though you wouldn't believe from watching Minerva, it's her element. I suspect she had more fun last night then all summer long."

The sarcasm in Severus' voice was almost gentle, and Remus could easily imagine Minerva revelling in the opportunity to dip into her impressive set of powers, unfolding what she routinely kept hidden from view and rising to any challenge that might come her way.

They had reached the place where the protective spells ended, and as Remus passed through the invisible barrier he felt the magic brush over his skin.

Surprised he stopped, reached out and found the exact space with his hand. Waving it through the air he felt the tingle on his skin every time his hand passed through the magical boundary. Turning around to remark on the odd feeling he found Severus looking at him sceptically. 

"I can feel the magical shield, exactly - " he pointed to the space in the air where he knew the barrier to be - "here."

Surprised Severus reached out as well, extending a slightly unsteady hand towards the space Remus had pointed out. When his fingertips touched the space where Remus knew the wards ended a sudden green light appeared, and for a brief second the shield became visible. It arched high above the castle, encircling it in a protective dome, reaching out all the way around the grounds and vanishing into the forest to either side. Impressed Remus followed the outline, admiring the elegant shape and the soft glow, before he watched it dissolve into thin air again. 

"I've never seen that before, how does it work?"

Looking as if he were actually thinking through a very different problem Severus shrugged, dropping his hand and immediately hiding it again by crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"You saw the outer layer of the Anti-Apparition ward. It's the most obvious outer protective spell, and tradition wants the Head of Slytherin to cast it. If you ask me Salazar just didn't like all the fiddling with the inner spells, so he secured this one for him and all his successors. It's one of the easier ones, just requires power and concentration, albeit a fair bit of both. You saw it because it's my own magic and I can obviously call on it."

Tempted to ask what easy exactly meant in that context Remus pondered his possibilities, and then continued to think along one of the other lines Severus had proposed.

"Minerva said textural magic wasn't your thing. Regardless whether she's right or not, does that mean that Salazar Slytherin didn't do well with these either?"

Severus only shrugged, letting the question fall down unanswered. Lost in thoughts for a moment Remus continued to play with the ward, carding his fingers through the invisible magical texture and feeling its power tingle against his skin. Then he suddenly stopped, his hand still extended. 

"Am I supposed to feel that?" He pointed at the thin air in front of him, his fingertips just seconds away from touching the barrier again. 

Pulling his trusted pocket watch from a hidden pocket inside his jacket Severus looked at it, snapped it shut and motioned to Remus to follow him. 

"No, but we have to discuss that later. We should leave."

Abandoning his fiddling with the ward Remus nodded, but made a quick mental note to pose the question again as soon as they returned to the forest. With the remains of the powerful magic still tingeling in his body he moved a few steps onto the clearing, and disapparated. 

When he opened his eyes again he stood in the already familiar courtyard in Oxford, and was greeted by the same grey and cool sky he had hoped to leave behind. It didn't look any more inviting than the dark forest, with a cool drizzle making Remus wish for a scarf and cursing British weather. At least he had his umbrella, and as soon as he had it opened and up Severus appeared next to him and moved in to join him under their portable roof.

With a disapproving glance Severus eyed the puddle beneath his feet. "I knew it. It always rains here at this time of the year."

They hurried through the cobblestone ally and across the larger main road towards the space where Remus knew St. Aurelius to be. It was obvious that term time was closer now. The rain had chased most tourists off the streets, and they had been replaced by students and professors hurrying towards the warm dryness of libraries and offices, carrying heavy backpacks, briefcases and paper bags. Still the cafés and pubs they passed were packed with cheerful people hiding from the rain and taking time for an afternoon drink, and Remus still found that he enjoyed the general lively atmosphere of the town.

It didn't take them long to reach the college, and Remus watched it appear out of nothingness with the same fascination he had felt during the first time. The old grim porter was still there, and once again they inscribed their names into the large visitors' book.

But this time they met nobody on their way to the laboratories, and knocking twice they entered the same space they had been in the first time Remus had meet Libavius.

Now there were no signs of cauldrons or any active work, with all the tables clean and empty. Only one was in use, currently occupied by Libavius himself, sitting cross-legged on top of it. He wore red trousers and a green-and-white striped poloshirt with long sleeves, and the bright colours clashed badly with each other and his hair. His curls swayed around his head like a strange and fluffy halo, looking like they had just dried from the rain. He stared silently at the wall opposite of him where a large blackboard was entirely covered with numbers and alchemic symbols in a chaotic mess of calculations scribbled onto it with chalk. Upon their entry he immediately turned around, jumped up and hurried towards the door, arms outstretched towards them.

"Finally! I never believe you'll actually come until I see you. Professor Lupin, a pleasure."

He shook Remus' hand as if he wanted to pull his arm off, exchanged their strange left-handed-handshake with Severus and then pulled him in for a kiss on the cheek.

Shaking his head Severus drew back, removing himself from Libavius' reach just a little bit too quickly.

"Have I turned into your owl now, delivering messages around Hogwarts? I'm certainly more capable then Alberich, but less willing."

Laughing Libavius sat down on one of the tables again. 

"Let me remind you that he was your owl first. And you seem very willing, because you want Hyle for your insane experiments, and I want someone to solve my problem."

With that he pointed towards the blackboard, and Remus watched with amusement how Severus turned around, gave the blackboard a cursory glance and finally understood that he had been lured into a rather work-intensive trap.

"You are taking the piss."

Libavius did his best to look as stern as possible. "Not in the slightest. Someone needs to solve that, and I can't ask anyone from the Chair of Arithmetic again or they'll think we're all idiots here and take our funding away. You're officially affiliated with the college, so do something for it. And for my poor doctoratus who got himself entangled in all of these layers."

Turning around fully Severus gave the blackboard another, more careful once-over, the scowl on his face only deepening. 

"A five layer spagyrical computation? Why the hell do you have a doctoratus messing around with these? And do you know how long it will take to think that through and solve it?"

Libavius nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, why do you think I wanted you to bring Professor Lupin? I need company for the next hours. There's a lot of paper over there, pencils, and here's the chalk."

Picking up a piece of chalk from the nearest table he threw it into Severus' direction, who caught it at the last possible moment, causing a small cloud of white dust to settle over his hands and clothing.

"What tells you I can solve that, on a Saturday afternoon, without the charts or any idea about the actual problem?"

The hint of frustration in Severus' voice only seemed to amuse Libavius even more. He slid off the table and marched over to Severus, patted his shoulder lovingly and looked at him as if he were about to explain to him how to tie his shoelaces properly.

"I'm not sure how you got that reputation of being rather screwed up-but-actually-a-genius, but right now would be a lovely moment to prove that it's actually true."

Much to Remus' own amusement Severus managed to look horrified and smug at the same time. Watching Libavius pat Severus on the shoulder once more and then turning around and gesturing for Remus to follow there was nothing Remus could do but admire how very well the bohemian potionsmaster knew to play with Severus' undeniable ego, using it gently for his own purposes. 

"I'm not sure - "

But Libavius, already halfway out of the door and ushering Remus out of the room, only turned around once more. Out of the corner of his eye Remus saw him blow a kiss towards his frustrated victim. 

"Remember the Hyle! Do ut des, milàčku."

While the door was already closing Remus could only just so watch Severus cast the silent spell that made the piece of chalk hover over towards the blackboard, and yell final instructions. 

"At least buy Professor Lupin a good coffee and show him around!"

He sounded like a man who had resigned himself to his fate, and with the door finally closed behind him Remus could only join into Libavius' soft laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do ut des, milàčku - I give and you give, darling (latin/czech)


	28. Accidents happen

Leading Remus down the corridor it was obvious that Libavius enjoyed his easily won victory. Very much pleased with his own cunning he guided them down a staircase and into the courtyard, ducking into an archway nearby that protected them from the rain.

"Forgive me, Professor, I expect you hadn't foreseen this. I hope you don't mind?"

Remus didn't, and accepted the offered tour through the college. Without further ado Libavius launched into a very detailed yet entertaining lecture on the history of St. Aurelius while guiding Remus through various courtyards and buildings. The college was much larger than Remus had anticipated, and much like Hogwarts it consisted of quite a bit of living architecture. A slightly unwilling staircase carried them up onto the second floor of a large connecting building, and Remus admired the collection of pictures showing former Deans and Lecturers, each busy with reading a book or scroll, and ignoring both of them completely. 

Only an elderly gentleman greeted Libavius enthusiastically, and Remus was introduced to the portrait of Nicholas Flamel, who was thrilled to see his former apprentice in all his professorial glory stopping by for a chat. The exchange quickly turned into a professional discussion about a formula Remus had never heard of, and while he didn't even try to follow the line of argument Flamel tried to expound he was content to observe Libavius arguing, face open and enthusiastic. Remus remembered Albus announcing Flamel's death after the Philosopher's stone had been destroyed, and for a moment he wondered how Libavius had taken it. But his dreary thoughts were quickly interrupted when Libavius gently cut the conversation with Flamel off, reminding him that he still had a duty to entertain his guest and promised to return very soon to continue their exchange. Flamel waved them away nodding, albeit obviously sad to see his former apprentice go. Only on his way out Remus realised that there was no picture of Basilius Valentinus. 

Leaving the portrait gallery they walked towards the Library building, and Remus listened to to Libavius speaking about Rhazer's Library as if he were extoiling the virtues of his wife or a very dear, old friend. It was obvious that the man was deeply smitten with the collection, and Remus couldn't help but sympathise. Entering the building he didn't even try to hide his own excitement at seeing the library the book Severus had given him so many weeks ago originally came from, and that had become familiar to him simply because he had spent so much time staring at its name stamped on the first page. They silently strolled through a few rooms, and Remus felt instantly curious about the myriad of books suddenly in his reach. Many tables in the library were occupied, students and lecturers alike buried in work, with towering stacks next to them and various shades of concentration etched into their faces. Remus could easily imagine himself sitting there at a table working away the afternoon, and again he felt that sad pang of nostalgia rising up in him, a mournful appreciation for a past that could have never been. 

But Libavius' lively chatter quickly interrupted his thoughts and pulled him back to the present as soon as they had left the reading rooms. Guiding them out of the library they passed through a series of beautifully decorated archways and halls, the architecture echoing oriental masonry, stone columns growing towards the ceiling like trees, breaking into seemingly weightless patterns of foliage that took Remus' breath away. 

Crossing through one of the courtyards again Libavius opened a different door and led Remus up a worn-out wooden staircase.

"Would you care for some coffee? I guess Severus isn't halfway through my calculation."

Remus agreed, and they entered a long room that looked like a modern version of the Great Hall he knew so well. Coffee was served from a small window leading to the kitchen, and they found a seat at one of the long tables quickly.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Libavius consented enthusiastically, dumping three spoonfuls of sugar into his pitiable coffee. "Of course! Curiosity is no sin, no matter what Severus said."

Smiling Remus took a sip of his own, mercifully sugarfree coffee. It was hot and strong, perfect for overwhelmed academics and students struggling through all-nighters or classes too early in the morning.

"You asked Severus to help with the calculation because there's something, well, related to Spagyric in there?"

Surprised Libavius put his mug down before even taking a sip. 

"I had heard that you were helping him out, but I guess he's doing more than just leaving you to wash his cauldrons."

For a moment Remus thought Libavius knew much more than he let on, and gulped the sudden surge of embarrassment down with a sip of the bitter coffee. 

"No, I'm not doing a lot beyond learning some basics. And a lot of cleaning, but I think that's just part of the training. But it's a fascinating subject, and I enjoy the work."

Libavius nodded, a small smirk on his lips. "Spagyrians are clean freaks, and Severus is the worst of them all. Almost as bad as Valentinus was, but I can tell you that you're probably still being spared what Severus went through - but then the old masochist wanted it that way, Saint Wenceslas knows why."

Shaking his head, obviously deeply lost in his memories for a moment Libavius continued to smile at his mug, and then returned to reality. 

"Right, your question. So, the calculation - it is a spagyrian calculation, you are right. My doctoratus is straying around a bit, but I think there's a lot of potential to his project. Spagyrian calculations are terribly difficult for us, because they function differently from the way we proper alchemists do our math. To do that kind of work you sometimes have to suspend your logic and take leaps of faith, something we rather strategic thinking scientists aren't good at."

Taking leaps of faith really didn't sound like Severus at all to Remus, and his disbelieve apparently showed in his face, because Libavius immediately broke into soft laughter. 

"And now you're thinking I'm gossiping about Severus' work. I'm not, I promise. Of course the foundation of Spagyrik is logic and a scientific approach. But a lot of what they do is sometimes based on very rough guesses that things could work although they shouldn't. It takes a lot of feeling, but if you have it in your blood, well. Spagyric still involves a lot of what I'd call hocuspocus - you know, the whole living-with-the-earth-and-moon-thing, the strange meditation practices, it's all a bit weird. On the other hand the old masters always said that a good spagyrian has healing hands and can work miracles. The question only is if you believe in miracles and such."

It was obvious that Libavius was more the calculate-that kind of alchemist, and for some reason Remus really couldn't picture Severus sitting in a large garden in the moonlight and meditate. On the other hand he knew that Severus did, in fact, meditate - he had told him, that night in the laboratory when they had kissed for the first time. But he had to answer Libavius' question, and couldn't afford to sink into daydreaming right here and then. To buy some time he took a sip of the bitter coffee and then smiled. 

"I always thought miracles and science didn't go together well."

Satisfied Libavius nodded. "I see we're on the same side, because I would agree. Ask Severus one day, and his answer will surprise you. And now I am gossiping, look at me old blabbermouth. But while I'm at it, can I ask you a question in return?"

For a moment Remus regretted that Libavius wasn't keen on gossiping just a bit more, but he nodded and was immediately bombarded with not one but a veritable volley of questions. Libavius had obviously waited for a while to interrogate him properly, and now wanted to know basically everything about Remus, Hogwarts and of course Severus. From carefully placed queries Remus discerned that Libavius had been in Hogwarts once - though he couldn't piece together when and why - and had some basic ideas about the system. Still Remus gave him the complete basic introduction again, and Libavius listened attentively while Remus retold the history of Hogwarts as detailed as he could, explained the house system and Slytherins' specific place inside the hierarchy and defended the virtues of boarding schools. To counter Remus' perspective Libavius then detailed his own youth far away from any kind of boarding schools, quickly slipping into a laudation for Prague, speaking of cobbled streets and beautiful architecture, long summer nights and terrific beer. 

Two hours passed quickly, and Remus was almost sad when they placed their mugs in the spot assigned for dirty dishes and left the hall. On their way down and back to the laboratories Libavius invited him to come for dinner sometime in the near future. He hadn't stopped praising his own culinary skill when they knocked and entered the laboratory again.

" - as I said, those caramelized onions will be just perfect with a dark brew. Ah, we're just on time."

Severus sat at one of the benches on the single chair Libavius kept in his laboratory, scribbling on a piece of paper. There was a stack of sheets covered in his handwriting already, and extensive work had been done to the calculation on the blackboard. Two books lay on the table, one opened, and Severus was just looking something up when they came in. He held up a hand, indicating that he needed a second longer, and quickly scribbled a row of numbers onto the paper while keeping one finger on the page in the book to mark the spot he was copying from. Then he dropped his pencil, snapped the book labelled "Charts for Advanced Spagyrical Calculations" shut and leant back, looking up at them. 

"You are perfectly on time, what a rare thing that is. I hope you didn't drown Professor Lupin in your specific brand of rhetoric."

Libavius crossed the lab towards Severus' appropriated desk and picked one of the papers up.

"I tried, but he's a tough one. Your verdict on my calculation?"

Shaking his head Severus plucked the paper from Libavius' hand.

"Uttermost horror. Don't let anyone do spagyrian style calculating without making sure they learn how to do it before. I spent most of the time trying to detangle the basic line of thought, it was chaos. Nothing much to save there, tell him to do it again and for all that you bohemians deem holy, have him go and get help from Ashmole or his assistant, or take an intro class at least."

Libavius looked appropriately chastised, looking down at the paper chaos. "Is it really that bad?"

Pointing towards the blackboard Severus nodded. "What happens when people do something they know nothing about? Exactly. Just one example - it's all nice that he opens three levels for the potency calculation, and he'll need all of them, of course. But the combination step doesn't just annihilate one of those, it rather opens a fourth one. All of that throws your balance completely off, and that amount of Nihilio calculated in here changes the basic strength by at least zero point three, and - do you want me to go on? There are also three simple calculation errors in the tenth, fifteenth and eighteenth line."

Ignoring that he had just mentioned three examples instead of only one Severus crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at Libavius as if he had been mean to a pet Severus particularly liked. It was amusing to watch how Libavius apparently felt guilty of it, too. 

"Sweet Saint Ivo, is it really that bad? I saw the calculation errors, but not the potency issues."

He looked slightly sheepish, brushing a stray red curl out of his face. Rising from his chair Severus spread a few pages out on the table and pointed to a certain line on the second page. 

"And those are potentially deadly, so prevent him from brewing. It'll blow up massively, right when he comes to that part."

His index finger tapped the line again, just to make his point clear. Libavius nodded eagerly. 

"No, of course not. But do I really need to get Ashmole involved?"

The question was hidden within what Libavius' actually said, and Severus acknowledged it with a sigh. "Well, he holds the Chair of Spagyric in this college, does he not?"

Libavius' face slipped into a beautiful impression of a very sad puppy, nodding slowly. It looked ridiculous and did exactly what it was supposed to. Rolling his eyes Severus' growled, and then straightened his back. 

"I'm just a bloody schoolteacher!"

But Libavius simply continued to blink at him, and while Remus just barely managed to suppress his laughter Severus sighed and gave in.

"You have no idea how much Hyle you owe me right now. Tell him to owl me."

Immediately the smile was back on Libavius' face and he slapped Severus' shoulder with enthusiasm, obviously inches away from simply hugging him.

"I knew you would come around. I think these days I can officially call you in as an external advisor, it should work with the Guild backing it. One day we will get you back!"

His enthusiasm only caused Severus to shake his head. "We will see about that."

"Wait until I've teamed up with Professor Lupin, we'll talk you around. I have an idea that he likes good old Aurelius."

Now grinning himself Remus had to admit he did. 

"But I'm not sure I will be of much help here, Professor."

Libavius still looked utterly convinced. "Just wait and see."

Listening with his expression making it clear that he was already regretting having ever introduced Remus to Libavius Severus reached for the jacket he had draped over the back of his chair.

"Patience, Lib. It's not your forte, but sometimes it's necessary. In any case, we must be off."

Sighing Libavius acknowledged the inevitable defeat.

"Well, I guess I promised you something. Wait a moment."

Quickly he vanished into the storage room accessible through a door at the back of the room.

"Did he tie you to a chair and question you under pain of penalties?"

Grinning Remus nodded again, but before he could say anything Libavius returned with a small leather pouch. Severus took it with a nod of thanks, and it vanished into the leather bag he carried as per usual.

"Of course I did, it was a chance I won't have again anytime soon. But he didn't spill any of your secrets, as much as I hoped he might."

Finally looking amused himself Severus looked from Remus to Libavius. 

"Why do you believe I have any dark and deep secrets? I'll say it again - I'm just a poor little schoolmaster."

He sounded so sincere and the whole idea was so ridiculous that Remus wondered how Libavius could ever buy it. And from his frown it was obvious that he wasn't completely convinced.

"Because I know you, damn it. And now off with you if you must go."

Inclining his head Severus ceeded the point and picked the two books up from the table. 

"We must. I will return these to the library as we leave."

Nodding Libavius made motions to see them off and then stopped in his tracks. "These are from our library?"

Severus was already on his way to the door and motioning for Remus to follow him, simply waved. "I will return them, don't worry."

Remus, unsure why they were suddenly in such a hurry allowed himself to be herded towards the door for the second time that day.

"Wait a moment." 

Stopping in his tracks Severus turned around, his expression one of a child caught with his hands in the cookie jar. Confused Remus stopped as well, curious to see where this was going, and watching Libavius scrutinise Severus and the two books in his hand. 

"How did these come here all the way from our reference library that you have certainly no permission to use?"

Severus managed to mold his features into a display of nonchalance, waving Libavius' concerns off. 

"Your I.D was in your coat pocket."

With surprising speed Libavius crossed the laboratory to the place where his coat was draped, and pulled a small, bright blue plastic card out of one of the pockets.

"But even if you had my I.D. they wouldn't let you actually take the books out of the library - there's no way you can pretend you're me. Unless - " He fell silent, and looked exasperated, his whole stance that of a mother who'll send her unruly child a howler really soon. 

"You faked my signature. Again."

Severus only shrugged. "Of course I did. Your new librarian is a bit too trustful, I must say."

Rubbing his forehead Libavius kept shaking his head. "Will you ever stop doing that? You could have just asked me!"

But Severus didn't even look remotely sorry. 

"But you weren't here and since you had made motions that you were inclined to measure my already proven intelligence based on the fact whether I'd solve the calculation or not I felt pressured to commit the treacherous act in defence of my endangered honour. Exitus acta probat, I'd say. And further - may I mention your unfortunate habit of breaking into my lodgings just because you enjoy decoding my spells? What exactly is worse, faking a signature or breaking down the damn door?"

Libavius didn't even look remotely concerned by the returned accusation, but the whole scenario was just too beautiful for Remus, and he finally allowed himself to dissolve into the laughter he had kept down all along. Both men turned to look at him, Libavius still somewhat exasperated, Severus with a mischievous look on his face.

"And now he's laughing at us. I guess he is right, if we're honest. And I haven't broken into your place for years now!" 

The layer of humour was now clearly audible in Libavius' admonishment, and Severus duly nodded. 

"Because I live in the middle of nowhere in Scotland, and don't even try to deny it."

Pulling a face Libavius waved them away.

"Ergo decipiatur. And now off with you - oh no, wait. I invited Professor Lupin for dinner, so you will both have to come. Mag will be most amused, and Ezra will try to make him perform every single childish spell he knows."

Without giving it more than one thought Remus realised that he could probably entertain a young child for hours with a small selection of the stupid tricks and spells he knew from better days. 

"I fear I might know quite a few of these."

It was obviously that Libavius was openly pleased by the confession, and possibly even interested in learning a few himself.

"So much the better! I'll send you an owl."

Severus only rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Do that, but - you know how busy I am."

Sighing dramatically Libavius acquiesced. "I guess we all do know that. I wonder what you're doing all the time? Not writing any useful books, that much is sure. Dear Professor Lupin, it was a pleasure. I hope to see you again soon. We must continue our discussion about beer."

Remus tried not to have his shoulder dislocated by Libavius' enthusiastic handshake and smiled as brightly as he could. 

"Absolutely we must. And thank you for the tour." 

Libavius nodded. "I will have you try some of the best beers in the world when you two visit us."

Then he quickly exchanged his left-handed handshake with Severus.

"Now, go and return my books. I'll see you soon."

Pulling his hand back and already stepping away Severus nodded. "Yes, and send greetings to Mag and Ezra."

Remus quickly collected his umbrella and was already out of the door when he heard Libavius stage-whisper his final comment.

"I will, oh, and Severus - he's cute, you should really keep him."

Being already in the hallway Remus didn't get to see Severus face or witness his reaction, but the slightly resigned look on his face when he stepped back into the corridor told Remus enough. He opened his mouth to say something, but Severus immediately shook his head.

"Not a word, I advise you."

Grinning Remus complied and followed him out of the laboratory building and through the college towards the library. Severus guided them a slightly different way than Libavius had used, and so they arrived within few minutes. Stopping in front of the large glass doors with the St. Aurelius coat of arms etched into them Severus paused for a moment. Balancing the two books he already carried while opening his bag he nearly dropped the volumes while obviously searching for something. Anticipating their tumble Remus plucked both of them from their precarious perch, freeing Severus to move more swiftly and produce four shrunken miniature books. They grew quickly in his hand into tomes of substantial size, and Remus deposited the other two volumes on top of them while quickly casting a cursory glance at their titles. Two were embossed with numbers only, the third had a french title that didn't make any sense at all to Remus and the fourth was called "Energy transfer in extract solutions: Secondary effects and principles of composition on molecularly levels", which wasn't exactly helpful, albeit english. 

Shifting the now significantly enlarged pile under his arm Severus moved closer to the glass doors and they slid open silently. Remus followed suit, and they walked down the same short corridor into the library he had just been guided down by Libavius. Reaching the desk the librarian occupied Remus noticed that the same young witch who had manned it earlier still sat there, smiling at the visitors. Severus placed the volumes in front of her, careful not to cause any to slide off the stack. 

"I see Professor Libavius is a quick reader. How nice of you to return them."

She smiled at Severus with the practise of someone who spent a lot of their time smiling at people they didn't really know, and Severus only nodded silently while she got busy tapping every book with her index finger and casting a quick sequence of spells that Remus assumed assured her that the books were still in pristine condition. Done with it she gave the stack a small push and it glided over to one of the carts behind her, settling down silently without her sparing it as much as a glance. Done she nodded at both of them once more, and Severus turned around without further ado. 

Quickly they excited the library again, leaving behind them the books and rows of shelves, the smell of dust and parchment in the air. 

Turning a corner they descended the large staircase Libavius had led them up, and Remus broke the silence with a question he had been pondering ever since they had arrived at the library.

"So four books fit into your bag, but six don't?"

Something that could have been approval was visible in the small quirk in Severus' thin lips for a moment. 

"You want to know why Libavius caught me stealing his library card?"

Arriving at the foot of the stairs they turned a corner and exited into the large courtyard leading to the gate and the porter's lodge. It had stopped to rain and Remus didn't need to unfold his umbrella again, but the stones were still wet. Trying to avoid the puddles to save his socks from being completely soaked he had to take a quick detour here and there, hurrying to follow Severus who ignored the state of his boots and simply marched through the remaining water. 

"It seems not very logical. But I assume you have a reason?"

Looking vaguely smug Severus nodded. "Indeed. He needed to know I took out books in his name, because it's almost inevitable that he will chat with the librarian and she would mention it. If he were surprised by it he'd enquire further, but if he already knows he can simply nod and move on."

Making the connection quickly Remus caught up with him just before they reached the porter's lodge. 

"So what you're trying to cover up - it's not that you took books, it's the books themselves?"

With a tilt of his head Severus acknowledged that Remus had figured it out, and then led the way into the lodge. They crossed their names out of the large book, Severus exchanged a few snappy comments with the old porter and they were outside again. Keeping their quick pace Severus guided them back through the small streets they had come a few hours earlier. The flow of pedestrians had increased again now that the rain had paused, and they had to overtake slow walking groups and rambling tourists. Waiting at the larger street crossing through town Remus had the chance to pick up their conversation again. 

"You said you needed a better library than yours. Did you find what you were looking for?"

Shaking his head Severus waited for a bus to pass and then motioned for Remus to follow him. Quickly crossing they dived into the labyrinth of streets on the other side, leaving the crowds behind. They had almost reached the apparition spot until Severus answered the question.

"No, but it was helpful to aid my thought-process. I will explain when we're in the forest."

Remus had no idea why the forest should play a role in the explanation, but since they would arrive there in minutes he could reign his curiosity in. 

"I shall be all ears." Then he remembered something else, and couldn't help but tease. "How did you even have time to go through four volumes and do the calculation?"

Stepping into the corner to disapparate Severus shrugged. But when he turned around the grin on his face was positively smug, or possibly even beyond that. 

"Didn't you listen when Libavius called me a genius?"

Then he was gone just quickly enough so he couldn't hear Remus calling him a damn prig and absolutely meaning it. But Remus felt generous and repeated the comment as soon as he appeared on the clearing himself, the cobblestones under his feet suddenly replaced by soft grass and forest soil. It had stopped raining up north as well, but the air was heavy with moisture and remarkably cool. 

The smug grin was still on Severus' face for a moment while he accepted what was meant as a slight insult with a shrug, before gesturing towards the castle. 

"I will take it as a compliment. Now, how curious are you?"

Remus was surprised to hear the question asked at all, after all the inquiries and his snooping. 

"Very much so. And I still have the question concerning the barrier spell I could feel earlier."

Nodding Severus patted the pockets of his jacket in an absentminded fashion, then realised that he was doing it and dropped his hands. 

"Both are one and the same, as you will see in a minute. But first - can you still feel it?"

Instead of an answer Remus moved further down the clearing towards the spot where he remembered the barrier to end. And he found the spot quickly, the tingle on his skin indicating the exact location. Nothing had changed from the previous moment, and again Remus moved a hand through the air, feeling the brush of magic glide over his skin. 

"I take you still feel it. Would you do me the favour and try something?"

Nodding Remus abandoned his waving and turned around. "What do you want me to do?"

Looking up as if he were measuring the invisible arch of the barrier Severus answered a bit too quickly. 

"Cast a Perceptio spell. Without your wand, at first."

That didn't make much sense to Remus. The Perceptio was a rather basic spell, and he didn't see how it would answer his question even in the slightest. 

"What is the point of that? The Perceptio is just a collection spell, and there's nothing of mine here it could bring back."

But Severus shrugged, now looking at Remus again while obviously calculating something silently. "Humour me."

Willing to do so Remus nodded, and concentrated. Casting the spell without using his wand was still a challenge, and he raised his hands in an attempt to find a way to channel his magic. Summoning his concentration he closed his eyes for a moment, opened them again, and cast the spell. 

Nothing happened. He felt the small impulse, but it seemed to die right outside his skin and couldn't reach further. Frustrated he sighed, unsure whether the whole idea had just been stupid or whether his magical control just wasn't sharp enough yet. 

Severus had looked up again, eyes fixed to a point above Remus' head. When the spell simply died away without effect he frowned, but apparently was willing to give it a second chance. 

"You need a stronger impulse, more focus." He seemed to consider their options and then nodded. "Ah, yes. Give me your wand."

There was logic in the instruction, but it still made Remus uneasy for a moment. Then he mentally slapped himself, and pulled his wand from its resting place inside his jacket. Nothing was going to happen while he was separated from it, that much was sure. And what should make him feel worried about parting with it for that short time? Severus wasn't going to kill him just because he was unarmed. Still he watched the wand slip from his hand with a look of unease. It flew straight through the air into Severus' reach and looked remarkably strange in his grasp.

"You look like a sheep about to be attacked by the wolf."

Severus sounded vaguely amused, and Remus brushed the illogical feeling aside. 

"Habit, I assume. It would make me feel better if I had yours in return!"

It was just supposed to be a small joke to lift his mood, but then Remus remembered that he had, in fact, already had Severus' wand for safekeeping a while ago, and that hadn't been the most joyous occasion. Severus, however, seemed to think along completely different lines. To Remus' surprise he only looked pensively for a moment, and then produced his own wand. But instead of handing it over to Remus as per his suggestion he placed it next to Remus' wand, holding both in his left hand. Remus' questioning glance was only met with a clear order. 

"Try it again. Focus properly this time."

He had no idea what Severus was trying to accomplish. It was obvious that the Perceptio would get Remus his wand back, considering it was a spell that rounded up all magical possessions one had lost or left around and returned them in a swift whirlwind. Still, if Severus wanted to experiment Remus was nobody who'd be a spoilsport. Pushing away the still lingering sense of unease and mystification he focused on his wand in Severus' hand. Stilling his breathing he felt the pull of his magic emanating from it, easily detectable now. The flow of his energy suddenly was much easier to reach and activate, the tingle of power intensifying almost immediately. 

He didn't even think about the Perceptio before casting it. It just developed naturally from his reservoirs of power, ordered by a mental cue that was so inherent to him that he didn't feel it as a separate thought. He only reached out towards his wand without ever raising a hand, the pull becoming stronger and stronger until the spell unfolded, the magical impulse erupting over the clearing they were standing on. 

Still feeling the energy in the air around him, his own magic surrounding him like a familiar and pleasant aura Remus blinked. It took him two more seconds before he could shake off the slightly dazed feeling the hardly controlled outburst had left him with. Then he realised that it had worked. 

Better even than he had expected, judging from the fact that he held not only his own wand but Severus' too. In astonishment he stared at the two wands in his hand and at Severus, who didn't seem particularly surprised and only motioned for Remus to turn around. 

"Look behind you."

Turning on his heels quickly Remus blinked again, wondering if the slight dizziness in his head was caused by the magic resonating from the wands in his hand. Both felt strangely electric, as if they had been charged with an unusual amount of energy. Then he realised that Severus had pointed him towards something else. The layers of protective spells arching over Hogwarts were activated, glowing faintly green, the elegant arch spanning the forest and the invisible castle in a perfect curve.

It didn't make any sense to Remus. He hadn't done anything to activate the magic protecting the castle, and even if he had done so, hadn't they been invisible for a reason? Stunned he stared at the spells, feeling the energy around him slowly fade away, and with every second that he felt less energised and dizzy the layers slowly faded, until the electric feeling in Remus' veins was gone and the layers invisible again. 

"Explain that to me, if you can."

Remus didn't have to turn around. Severus had moved closer to him until they stood next to each other, following the arch of the spells with his eyes. Remus' question, sounding much harsher than he had intended, only caused him to sigh. But instead of answering he first held out his hand, and Remus needed a moment of staring at his empty palm before he finally understood and handed Severus' wand back to him. It dangled between the long and still slightly unsteady fingers for a moment before he replaced it in his pocket. But he still hadn't answered, and Remus grew impatient. 

"Why did I see the spells again? And why the hell did your wand came to me when I cast the Perceptio?" 

It didn't make sense. If he had cast an Accio, well, maybe, but the Perceptio only called one's own belongings, albeit thrown like a wide net without any proper aim. It could hardly be botched, being a simple spell. Granted, Remus had used far too much power, but that didn't explain anything at all. 

Looking at Remus from the side for a moment Severus nodded slowly. 

"Because apparently you can call on my magic, at least to some extent."

He sounded very sane and matter-of-fact, but it still didn't make much sense. 

"No, that's - " Faltering in the middle of his sentence Remus turned and stared at him. He didn't seem particularly happy with his conclusion either, but there was nothing in Severus' composed facade that hinted towards the fact that he had just stated the most ridiculous solution. 

It took Remus a moment to regain his own composure. 

"That doesn't make sense."

Nodding Severus ceeded the point. "But it explains a lot. And I think I even know why."

But Remus wasn't yet ready to detangle his thoughts, still being stuck at the initial statement. 

"What is that supposed to mean, I can call on your magic? I accidentally called on your wand, and I saw the layers, but - "

He couldn't finish his rambling sentence. Halfway through Severus moved both hands away from each other in a horizontal line in front of him, palms facing down, and Remus felt enveloped in a strong field of energy, a cocoon surrounding both of them gently.

"Hold out your hand."

Without questioning the order Remus did as he was told. Reaching out with his free hand he felt the fleeting touch of Severus' cool skin against his fingers, and suddenly the spell crashed through his veins, the strong power holding the shield around them latching on to his own magic as if it had done so a thousand times before. Reminding himself to breathe Remus focussed on the air around him, and within seconds the spell was stable, held up by Remus' own power. Then he felt Severus cast the Finite, a soft whisper of a dark voice in his ears although Remus was sure Severus hadn't actually said anything nor moved again. 

The spell dissolved as it had been ordered, but the energy in Remus' veins remained, pulsing through with his quickened heartbeat. 

"How the hell did that work?"

Looking rightly confirmed in his theory Severus shrugged. 

"Like the Perceptio. You took the spell from me when offered."

That much was obvious, and impatiently Remus pushed further. "Of course, but what does that - "

He didn't get far, this time being interrupted by Severus cutting into his sentence. 

"A Circumeo, Lupin?"

Slightly peeved Remus waved a hand in front of his face. 

"I thought having sex does qualify people for first-name acquaintanceship. And if it doesn't this situation sounds like it does."

Annoyed Severus snorted and rephrased his question. 

"Well, then - a Circumeo spell, Remus?"

The emphasis on Remus' name would have made him burst into laugher at any other time. In this moment, however, he was still trying to detangle their situation. 

"Alright, you might be onto something. Personal spells cannot be passed on, even I do know that. Though you did pick a rather obscure spell, if I might say so."

Shrugging again Severus took a few steps back, as if he needed space, and then started to pace the clearing, measured steps up and down again, speaking as he moved.

"It's might be slightly obscure, but there aren't too many personal spells I could use without the danger of causing damage if something had gone wrong. A protective spell seemed a good choice. Still, I wonder - " He had reached the end of the clearing and swung around, making his way back towards Remus, visibly pushing around possible solutions in his mind like pieces of a puzzle he tried to get to fit. 

" - it would be very interesting to see if you could take it away with force, that would be quite a security issue. But it doesn't seem realistic we could try it now, given your level of wandless magic being less than satisfactory at this point - "

It made Remus dizzy watching him, the endless movement getting on Remus' nerves far quicker than he had thought possible. 

"Sod it, you're annoying as hell. Stop rambling and tell me how this happened, if you have an idea. And stop running back and forth like a guinea pig in a cage, it's driving me crazy."

Stopping in his tracks and then moving to his former spot Severus again patted the pockets of his jacket, and Remus only then realised that he was searching for the cigarettes he usually kept on his person. But it seemed that he didn't have any with him, and it was obviously a diversionary movement when he clasped his hands behind his back instead, visibly trying not to fidget. Only then Remus realised that Severus was deeply concerned about what had happened, and, frankly, nervous. 

"Explain. Or do I want a chair and a shot of whiskey for it?"

Now looking positively agonised Severus sighed. "You might, afterwards."

Narrowing his eyes Remus stared him down. "Just tell me, get it over with."

"Mind you, it's just my theory at that point in time, and I haven't had any time to verify my conclusions, so everything is rather unstable and mostly a rough guess, shot in the dark - "

Impatience got the better of Remus, and he interrupted what was likely to turn into an incoherent ramble instead of a good explanation. He wasn't sure what exactly was going on, but he had never seen Severus beat around the bush like that. 

"Severus!"

It was Remus' best teaching voice, and it did the trick, pulling Severus away from wherever his chaotic line of thought was leading him and back into full focus.

"Right. My current theory is based on three problems that could have possibly led to this. First, primo, I believe the Hyle-base of the Wolfsbane might be to blame. You already know that it works like a sponge, soaking up large amounts of energy and releasing them later, upping the overall potency of a potion."

He looked at Remus as if to check if Remus was still following him, and Remus could only nod in agreement. Of course he remembered the small lecture he had gotten on Hyle, and the chapters in the book he had read afterwards had helped as well. 

"Good. What you do not know yet is that Hyle is extremely uncommon in medical alchemy. The Wolfsbane is a one-of-its-kind experiment, and highly potent. Overpowered, even. It would need further adjustment, but that would mean to risk potential mishaps, and I assume we can both agree that we can't take many chances with that. So it more or less remains the way it was when I first developed it, and that means a rather unproportionally strong Hyle base with added layers."

At least they agreed on something today. Remus wasn't keen on acting as a laboratory rat anytime again, especially when it meant having to suffer through a possibly disastrous transformation. It was bad enough as it was. And yet he had known that the Wolfsbane was but an experiment all the time, having pushed the knowledge away when he had discovered how beautifully the potion was working. Severus, slowly slipping into his lecturing voice, continued. 

"Ingesting large amounts of highly potent potions on the long term can lead to accumulations of energy in the body of the consuming person. There is no research at all on it, so I can't tell you much more than that. I do not have to tell you that you are an individual case and most research does not apply to your particular issue."

Remus quickly did the math, and understood. 

"So I've been consuming large amounts of what, your power trapped in the Hyle? For a year? And if the potion is based on that, as a catalyser of sorts, does that mean it's basically your magic that is knocking the wolf out every full moon?"

Nodding Severus confirmed that Remus had understood correctly, and then simply continued. 

"If you want to phrase it as such, yes. We can talk about the implications later. The Hyle-base is the first part of my explanation. Item, the second one. Dark creatures are usually predisposed to accept foreign energy in transfers or as magical loot whenever possible. Everything I know about lycanthropy points towards werewolves being no exception."

Although it was technically correct to call Remus a dark creature he couldn't help but acknowledge the flare of anger the description caused to erupt in his body. He wanted to growl and defend himself, but the completely clinical way Severus phrased his explanation made him pause. It wasn't supposed to be an insult, rather a classification the scientific mind would use - and yet, it hurt. But that wasn't the point right here.

"I might indeed need a shot of whiskey."

Severus, apparently oblivious to Remus' internal struggle, nodded. 

"Vodka might be appropriate as well. Tertio, the third part of my explanation - Item, the Wolfsbane is already overpowered. Sadly I do have to admit that there may have been higher concentrations of my magic in the Hyle than strictly necessary. I do have a tendency to overpower spells, and I assume that the Hyle was no exception, granted that it does soak up anything given to it."

The third reason was rather unexpected, and it caused Remus to immediately forget about his anger.

"You overpower your spells?"

Somehow Remus couldn't quite believe that. Using too much magic was such a beginner's mistake, something students did, kids playing with a wand, people learning to control new ways to use their power, and not someone of Severus' calibre. They all had to be economic with their power, unless they were Albus Dumbledore. Using only the necessary amount of energy was an art, usefully for going undetected and lasting longer in fights. It didn't sound like a mistake Severus would make, and he looked rightfully embarrassed. 

"Well, yes. It's a classic outcome of bad habits acquired in young age."

Still surprised Remus couldn't help but dig further.

"What does young age and bad habits in your case mean?"

For a brief moment he could read Severus' body language like an open book - the stillness meaning that he'd rather talk about anything but that, and then the small mental kick he gave himself, forcing his renegade attention back on the task. It was visible in minuscule movements of his hands, an almost invisible shift in his otherwise neutral face, and Remus wasn't sure he had ever been able to read that much into so little before. 

Then Severus sighed and obliged. 

"Power before control. Using the Dark Arts requires a good amount of force without much control at first. For some the control never comes, and it's not to their advantage."

That much was obvious, and Remus could have told anyone who'd asked. There was a reason he was teaching Defence, after all. 

"But how can the use of dark magic shape your magical profile so much?"

He wasn't sure if Severus was displeased at the nature of the question or the fact that Remus was asking at all. 

"It does if use of dark power precedes primary magical education."

Severus' voice was still very much neutral, without any added emotion to it. But still Remus was highly aware of the rising tension.

"Preceding magical education - are you actually trying to tell me you used curses before you knew what a wand was?"

Now displaying his displeasure with the turn their conversation was taking more openly Severus crossed his arms in front of his chest and frowned. 

"I do not believe that these questions will lead us to any further progress in the assessment of the current question. I have summed up the three problematic areas for you. Of course nothing can be counted as factual at this point, it's just mere speculation. It would take more time to understand what is actually happening here."

Remus snorted at the explanation, acknowledging the sharp rejection of his questions and feeling ever so slightly put off. He thought they had moved past these characteristic manoeuvres by now, and it annoyed him that Severus was retreating into his old habits so easily. 

"All of this is just speculation, then? I thought science requires precision. Or isn't this science?"

It came out much sharper than he had meant it, the underlying aggression shining through more clearly then he had intended it to be. 

"Shot in the dark, exactly."

Severus, picking up on Remus' aggression but not yet mirroring it, still sounded neutral. Back straight and shoulders pulled down he stood perfectly still as usual, and from his position next to him Remus could only see his profile and the harsh lines around his eyes. He was looking more and more tired again, and he kept his hands just out of sight. But Remus wasn't in a gentle mood and once more unwilling to cut anyone slack. 

"Lovely. So you messed this up, more or less, is that what you're trying to tell me?"

He watched Severus stiffen, the almost invisible motion of his posture hardening even further. 

"Not necessarily, although accidents do - " 

He stopped mid-sentence, casting a sideways glance at Remus and then continuing down a different road. 

"I am not quite enthralled with the outcome either."

There was new coolness in his voice, closer to the tones Remus knew so well from their usual encounters during the schoolyear, and it enraged him as hardly anything could. It didn't make sense to antagonise Severus right now, but he couldn't help himself for reasons he didn't quite understand.

"Oh really, I thought you'd rejoice."

Severus only snorted. "I can reassure you that I will do my best to find a way to deal with this thing, or connection, as soon as possible. In the meantime it explains a thing or two I have been wondering about, and if nothing else came out of our little chat that clarity at least is desirable."

It took Remus a second to twist the strands of Severus' venomous answer apart. But before he arrived at any conclusion Severus reached into the pocket of his jacket, produced his pocket watch and snapped it open. For a moment he stared at the elegantly curved hands, then clicked it shut again and left it to vanish in his pockets. 

"If you'll excuse me, there is work waiting for me. I assume there will be time to discuss this problem further and chances to find solutions."

And without further ado he nodded curtly, not even looking at Remus, and stalked off through the dripping forest towards the castle. Remus stood on the clearing, for a moment dumbstruck, staring at his back until he was almost gone. The thoughts in his mind weren't yet quite coherent, but for reasons unknown to him Remus managed to ground himself. Taking a deep breath of the rich forest air he inhaled and exhaled a few times, finally feeling his boiling blood calm down. 

A small voice in Remus' mind reminded him that he had been in a very similar situation very recently, and it had ended just like this. Apparently he was bound to snap and then watch Severus stalk off again and again. For a man known for fighting every single battle that offered itself Severus was surprisingly apt at withdrawing from confrontations before they could develop into anything beyond a shouting match. He wasn't exactly doing much to de-escalate their verbal exchanges either, but at least he wasn't throwing curses as easily as his reputation claimed he would. That in itself was an interesting piece of information Remus filed away for further inspection, someday. After they had dealt with this new problem, of course. 

And a right problem it was. Or maybe not, the jury was still out on that. A connection, as Severus had called it, and it explained a lot - though not everything. It did not explain why Remus felt the way he did, even though Severus was apparently thinking it could. But then it was to be expected that he would try to explain why Remus was suddenly propositioning him, and that he would grasp at any opportunity to understand what he simply could not wrap his damn brilliant yet sometimes completely useless mind around. The question was only how Remus was going to hammer it into this brain that some things had nothing to do with magic at all. 

Or maybe they had, but even if, he didn't mind. It was a thrilling new thing, complicated and at times exasperating, and of course he couldn't explain it at all. But if he was completely silent and focussed on his surroundings he could still feel the tingle of Severus' power around him, the remains of it floating through the air like the threads of a spider's web that had been torn apart. 

It was the most unusual feeling, and Remus had no idea how to cope with it. Or with the chaotic mess Severus' complicated character was. Or with the fact that, still, he hadn't gotten a whiskey, or a vodka, no matter how much he felt he needed one. 

He set off towards the castle with the agenda to sit Severus down and talk him out of his badly hidden and half-panicked frenzy as soon as possible, with the help of alcohol or not. Whiskey, cognac, vodka, really, he didn't care. Anything would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exitus acta probat - The outcome justifies the deed (Ovid, Heroides II, 85)
> 
> Ergo decipiatur - So (let it) be deceived. The full phrase is "Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur." - The world wants to be deceived, so let it be deceived. Unclear origins, first part possibly an Augustinus phrase, also rumoured to have been said by Martin Luther (the german church reformer). The later part has been claimed for many an inventor. I prefer the version in which Paracelsus is the guilty one. 
> 
> Primo, (...) Item, (...), Tertio, (...) Item, (...) - latin way to itemise, especially in tracts and scholarly works.


	29. I know I'll get by

But Severus proved evasive. He had effectively vanished from sight when Remus arrived in the castle himself, and Nearly Headless Nick informed him that the Heads were meeting right at this moment in Albus' office and that, for the first time in ages, the otherwise overly punctual Head of Slytherin had been late and received a scolding from Dumbledore for delaying everybody and destroying carefully balanced schedules. Nick didn't know, however, how said Head had answered. 

The next chance Remus got was during dinner, but it wasn't much of an actual opportunity. Severus sat stony faced and silent at the other end of the table, obviously present only in physical form and mentally engaged on a completely different level. As per usual nobody seemed to be bothered by the his silent presence, and the conversation drifted easily around him. Remus, on the other hand, was quickly drawn into the midst of the lively chatter, swapping plans for the new term with his neighbours and laughing along to the amusing anecdotes especially Albus enjoyed sharing. He only managed to sneak a glance at the other end of the table from time to time, trying not to become too obviously interested in the silent presence residing there.

He didn't like what he saw. Severus had managed to change sometime between the Senior Faculty meeting he had delayed with his absence and dinner, and was now again dressed in the usual cascades of black fabric, retreating behind those and more layers of spells changing his appearance completely back to his usual persona. He wasn't participating in any of the conversation, hardly noticed when he was addressed and only nodded or shook his head in reply. Pushing his food around on his plate or altogether ignoring whatever appeared on the table it was obvious that he wasn't going to join any efforts to celebrate the last night before the students came, or bothering to pretend he would. But he didn't vanish, not even during dessert, even though he looked straight through the platters of delicacies and puddings the eager elves of the kitchen crew had produced. While everyone else tucked in he turned his goblet between his hands, slowly in measured motions, and Remus was willing to bet an arm and a leg that he was running through a lengthy and very complicated calculation in his head that was designed to help him explain what exactly had happened in the forest. 

When Albus declared the formal part of their celebration to be over and got up from his chair the signal for decampment was given. He had invited whoever wanted to his office for a round or two of something he called 'substantial' to tie up their feasting, and it was obvious that almost all of those present were intent to follow him. But Severus was still so deeply wrapped up in his own thoughts that he noticed nothing, and Remus remained in his seat as well, eager to grasp the first chance that would offer itself up. 

But it never came. It was Poppy who beat him to it, strolling leisurely towards Severus and tapping him on the shoulder. He veritably flinched, almost brushing over the goblet he had just replaced on the table. Staring down at him Poppy only smiled, patiently waiting for him to collect his thoughts and understand why she was there. It took him a minute, but then he apparently realised where he actually was, and what was waiting for him. Muttering an apology he got up, and they quietly exchanged a few words. For a moment Severus didn't seem to approve of what he heard, but then he simply shrugged. Poppy smiled more brightly, patted his shoulders in motherly fashion and together they moved towards the end of the Hall. It wasn't long until they were joined by Minerva, who had left with the group headed for Albus' office but apparently returned to get either Poppy or Severus, or possibly both. She joined their hushed conversation, and then left the Hall together with them. Before she was out of the door she turned around, and waved back to the table. 

"You are being missed upstairs, Remus."

Startling from his own thought process now Remus managed to smile, and waved back. 

"Yes, thank you! I shall join them in a minute."

So apparently Poppy, Minerva and Severus were not going to join the others in Albus' office, and with that in mind and the knowledge that he had no chance to figure out what exactly was going on Remus finally got up himself and left the now empty table for Albus' office. 

There he found a merry company, scattered all over the office and busy demolishing a selection of alcoholic beverages and the nibbles Albus had requested from the elves, notwithstanding that their dinner had been more than massive. Joining the circle that had gathered around Filius Flitwick Remus accepted the long deserved tumbler of whiskey and nipped the alcoholic remedy while listening to the anecdotes Flitwick told, encouraged by various bystanders, recounting his old days as duel champion, fuelled by alcohol and the approval of his colleagues. He could be a great storyteller, almost surpassing Albus in the wealth of impossible things he had witnessed, and he wasn't trying to hide his satisfaction at the avid attention of his listeners. 

And his bright and surprising stories worked. Within the shortest time Remus was drawn into them, following the twists and turns of Flitwick's tales with just the same attention as those around him. It was a good amount of time later, when his glass was empty and he had to excuse himself from the group to refill it that he noticed how time had passed. Standing alone at the small buffet the houseelves had improvised on Albus' desk he wondered whether it was smart to go for another round of whiskey or instead something more sensible when Albus appeared next to him, ostensibly to refill his own glass. 

"I see you've finally been introduced to Filius' duelling days. It's astonishing, isn't it?"

Nodding Remus eyed the punch bowl, wondering if the floating peaches were hiding pure vodka underneath them or actually something more innocent. But again he was too slow, and Albus had reached for the ladle before he could do it himself. But he didn't offer to fill Remus' glass, instead starting to pick the peaches out of the bowl and transferring them into his glass while he continued to chat, offhandedly as always. 

"Such a pity Severus couldn't join us, and that Poppy doesn't want to leave him alone in the Hospital Wing. But I think Minerva will be with us soon, so we'll have one more friend here. Would you like a fresh glass for the punch?"

Smiling he offered Remus the ladle and was strangely not very surprised when Remus simply put his whiskey glass down and muttered an apology before he turned around and made his way through the crowd towards the door. He had no idea what to tell anyone who would ask, but besides a few surprised glances he managed to slip away without anyone questioning his sudden exit. 

The castle was empty, and walking towards the Hospital Wing with far more speed than necessary he listened to his quick steps echoing through the corridor. Tomorrow after lunch mayhem would break out again, and it would take month until the silence would come back crawling from its hiding place. He wasn't going to miss it, but nevertheless he savoured the calm surrounding him, together with the dim light and the shadows from the torches as outside twilight was already making way for darkness. 

He arrived at the Hospital Wing quickly, let himself into the main room and followed the trace of light to the private room he knew so well by now. The door was slightly ajar and he knocked once, more out of formality than any actual need. Only then he realised that he had no idea why Severus had actually gone to the Hospital Wing, and if, maybe, he wasn't going to be very happy about Remus chasing him down again. But of course it was already too late, and he pushed the door open gently and wandered into the room as casually as he could. 

He was greeted by an atmosphere he hadn't expected. The room was filled with warm light from a single lamp, and in a harmony they rarely displayed during term Severus and Minerva sat together, each in their own comfortable wingback chair, turned towards each other and lost in amiable conversation. Severus had shed most of his black layers, looking surprisingly relaxed in shirtsleeves and with his legs crossed. Poppy had made herself comfortable on the bed in the room, sitting next to Severus' cloaks on the perfectly white blanket and listening attentively. The whole scene looked so unusually homey that Remus needed a moment to remember that he was in the Hospital Wing, and that there must be a reason why this get-together was taking place here and not somewhere a bit more private. The answer presented itself quickly in form of a drip stand half hidden behind one of the wingback chairs, the tube leading to a cannula on the inside of Severus' right arm, halfway hidden by a strip of white tape. 

Remus' entrance had effectively interrupted the conversation, but nobody seemed particularly surprised to see him there. Poppy smiled at him, Severus frowned and looked back to Minerva, who only nodded towards Remus and then continued right where she had been interrupted. 

"I can absolutely understand your concerns, and they are mine, too - but still, I'm unsure if we should brush this aside so quickly."

Relieved that he didn't need to make up a flimsy excuse for his presence Remus continued into the room, and sat next to Poppy on the bed when she motioned for him to take a seat next to her. 

"Desperate times, yes. Still, I believe we might be setting ourselves up for a catastrophe. We're dealing with enough corridor battles as it is, and those of our students who want to fight already know how to do so. I vetoed the idea before when that feeble-brained idiot brought it up, and I'll gladly veto it again."

Poppy leant towards Remus and explained, in hushed tones, that the Board had proposed the idea of including duelling into the curriculum, much to Severus' dismay. The topic seemed to have crawled into the conversation as a left-over from the Senior Faculty meeting earlier, and it was obvious that Minerva and Severus were simply repeating positions they had already carved out in earlier disputes. Still their tone was friendly, and Minerva snorted at the mention of a certain predecessor of Remus'. 

"Please, we all remember how that turned out - "

She didn't get far. 

"Yes, because of all people in this castle Albus decided that I should volunteer for the demonstration. As if there's nobody who's more appropriate."

There was a hint of almost comical exasperation in Severus' voice, and although Remus hadn't been there when Lockhart had taken his beating and called it a victory he remembered the story he had heard more than once from different sources by now. It was a good chance for Remus to jump into the conversation, and he went for it immediately.

"Is there?"

Severus' swooping handmotion, made with the only arm that wasn't currently hooked up and useless, encompassed nearly the entire castle. 

"We have an internationally famous duelling champion on staff!"

Minerva clicked her tongue. "As if Filius would ever display his skills like this. Half of Ravenclaw would faint if they knew what their brainy Head is capable of, and he just smiles and loves that everybody is fooled by his appearance."

Sighing Severus ceded the point. "Well, then, what about you? If I recall it correctly you were very successful when you were still active in the arena."

The slightly smug look in Minerva's face was enough to spark curiosity in Remus. "Tell me everything, Minerva." For a moment she seemed to consider to talk herself out of it, smoothing her emerald robe over her knees. 

"Well, I don't know if very successful - "

The look on Severus' face was that of a man who'd rather not be lied to, and otherwise hated fake humility. 

"Please, Professor. They were telling stories of your daring technique in my days, and you do know that."

She giggled, suddenly looking much younger and mischievous, and Remus could absolutely see her drawing her wand and challenging anyone who dared to cross her, inside the arena and out of it.

"Did you study in Oxford as well, Minerva?"

She shook her head, but before she could even say anything Severus clicked his tongue. 

"As if, she's the enemy, devil incarnate - " The look on her face went from smiling to mock anger. Chiding him she poked a finger into his bony knee, and he shortened his speech. "A Gryffindor and a Cambridge woman, I don't know how I'm supposed to cope with that. I should challenge you once more just for that reason."

Next to him Poppy exploded with warm laughter, and Minerva herself couldn't help but smile. "Please do it, I've wanted to duel with you again for a while. And I'd like to point out that I also studied in Paris and Kyoto, but you never seem to take offence from that. Oh, I just read the most amusing French novel, by the way, you should borrow it when I'm done, it will entertain you. Of course you will deny it, but we've been through that."

She cast a quick glance at the clock hanging over the door and, gathering her robes around her, elegantly rose from the comfortable chair. 

"In any case, I'm glad we could discuss this again and in more depth. I will let Albus know, and then we can decide from there. And now if you excuse me, there is a fresh novel waiting for me, and I need to be up early tomorrow. Poppy, will you escort me out?"

Hopping up from the bed Poppy, still smiling, agreed. Together they left, chatting amiably, and Minerva smiled once more at Remus before they vanished down the corridor and were gone. Severus looked at the closed door for a second, whatever hint of amusement had been visible already gone from his face before he turned to Remus.

"I assume you did not come here to find Minerva."

Remus nodded, and pulled himself up, mentally preparing for the conversation that lay ahead.

"You guessed correctly. But first, what happened?"

He pointed towards the drip, but Severus only shrugged. "Part of the scheme Poppy and Albus devised to keep me alive. Slightly absurd, but this is the way things are now." He fell silent for a moment, and then again just looked at Remus, calm and unreadable. 

"Well, it's good you've obviously decided to come to your senses and finally allow them to do something."

He thought of all the moments Severus had assured him that there was nothing anyone was able to do for him, how sure he had been in his evaluation of his own fate. For a brief moment Remus wondered what happened, how Albus had actually managed to talk Severus into surrender, once again. But it wasn't the right time and place for that conversation, not when they needed to be having a different, maybe even more pressing one. 

But Remus didn't know how to start. He had pushed various good opening sentences around in his head during the dinner and the meeting afterwards, but now all of them seemed gone. There was a short silence, and while he wondered which variation of what he had wanted to say was appropriate Severus surprised him by opening the conversation himself. 

"There was some time for me think about a variety of possible scenarios. At present I cannot offer you a viable solution for the problem at hand, and I highly doubt anything will present itself swiftly. I know you will not be happy to hear it, but thus far all I can recommend you do is consider this as a sort of consequences that you must bear for a while."

Listening attentively Remus watched Severus closely for any signs of discomfort, telltale movements that could have given him any information to where this was going to lead. But there was nothing to see besides the already familiar soft tremble he couldn't hide from view anymore, not with his arm forced into sight by the needled taped to it, making it impossible for Severus to hide his hands as he had become used to. He remained completely impassive, the cool composed facade back in place. Only the stiff formality of his words betrayed that he wasn't entirely sure of himself, the retreat to the rigid speech patterns nothing but a withdrawal to safe ground.

"So, while I do regret how things have turned out I must say that there's nothing to be done at the moment. I fear there's a price to be paid for everything, and it seems that this is the one you have to pay for the Wolfsbane, regrettably as it is."

Only now Remus decided to interject before things were going even more off-rail than they already had. 

"A price to pay? You sound like this is a death sentence."

There was more amusement in his voice than he had wanted to show, but he also tried to add just enough warmth to sound not too aggravating. He needed to break the pattern, this time for good.

"A magical connection is nothing to be taken too lightly, and I'm - "

But Severus stopped in the middle of the sentence, eye narrowing, examining Remus for the first time this evening. 

"Why can't I shake the feeling that you're suddenly not taking this seriously?"

He sounded equal parts surprised and confused, but Remus was glad he had picked the right approach for once. 

"Because I don't. Of course I didn't see this coming at all, but - if this is the only price to pay for all the things the Wolfsbane has given me I am more than willing to pay it. Double it, I say, triple it, it's good."

Maybe he had put too much joy in his words, just a little bit, because now Severus was looking at him as if he had lost his mind for good. 

"Excuse me?"

In response Remus only smiled. "You heard what I said. Yes, this is going to be strange, but I mostly think it could be a nice opportunity. Do you think it is permanent? Would it fade if I stopped taking Wolfsbane? What if someone else made it? What if I made it, what would happen if the Hyle were saturated with my own magic?"

In his excitement he was talking much faster than he had wanted to, but as soon as he had voiced the first questions the others just followed suit, begging to be examined closely, to be answered. 

Severus only shook his head, softly, looking slightly steamrolled at the enthusiasm he hadn't seen coming. 

"I don't - no idea. It could, it doesn't have to, nobody knows - you were angry in the forest, how you changed your mind is beyond me."

He was obviously trying to make sense of what was happening, how Remus had suddenly decided to change his mind about the connection, and Remus could see him trying to rearrange his thoughts to fit the current situation while dealing with the unexpected positive reaction. 

Spreading his hands before him Remus nodded. 

"I was overwhelmed in the forest, but just like you I had time to think, and I'm sorry for the way I said what I said. You know how curious I am, and this new thing is, well, I think it's exciting. And also, I - "

He paused, trying to figure out what he actually wanted to say, how to phrase it without giving anything away too quickly. But before he could come to a conclusion the door opened again and Poppy marched into the room.

"Ah, Remus, you're still here. It's lovely you're keeping Severus company! But I think it's enough for today. Let me just free you, and you can retire to your rooms."

Without further ado she marched over to Severus' chair, and started to remove the cannula from his arm. He watched Poppy fuss around him for a moment, and then was obviously relieved he could move his arm again. For a moment he was busy folding down the sleeve of his white shirt again, securing the cuffs with their buttons and then slowly standing up. Reclaiming the heap of his clothing lying next to Remus on the bed he started to dress again, slowly wrapping himself into his usual layers of black fabric, closing buttons, straightening collars. Remus watched him silently, halfway glad he didn't have to say what he still wasn't sure about. 

Poppy, on the other hand, easily ignored the slightly uncertain atmosphere. Done with the rearrangement of her medical equipment she straightened her back and smiled at both. 

"Well, that's the first round. I'll see you again next week, for a second doses. Remus, could you do me the favour of accompanying Severus back to his rooms? I need to finish a thing or two here, otherwise I'd walk him myself."

She shot an apologetic glance at Remus, who only nodded and smiled back. But Severus had other plans. 

"That won't be necessary, I still have work to do elsewhere."

Poppy only shrugged. "I fear you will have to do that tomorrow. I told you beforehand that these infusions aren't to be taken lightly. Of course I'd have given you everything to drink if you hadn't completely ruined your stomach years ago, but that's your very own fault."

Frowning Severus tried to defend himself. "Well, slight tiredness might be expected, but -" 

She interrupted him mercilessly. "No, my dear, you'll be out like a light in not more than an hour. And you'll start to feel extremely groggy beforehand. Don't blame me, these active components need to do their work, and they can't when you're running around. You need rest. Go to your rooms, go to bed. And if you make a fuss now I'll keep you here."

She pointed at the bed, and Remus watched Severus' eyes grow wide with horror for a moment. He was visibly running through a list of all the things he had wanted to do that evening and now would have to move around, and he voiced his anger thoroughly on the way back to his rooms, with Remus trotting faithfully by his side.

They reached Serpens Tower after a march that had grown slower and slower as Severus had proven Poppy's prediction right and visibly grown more and more tired by the minute. It was sobering to watch his energy fade out at the speed of light, and by the time they were at the door to his rooms he was mostly busy hiding his yawns and blinking to keep his eyes open. 

Guided by the same invisible magic as always the heavy doors swung open noiselessly, and without any invitation Remus simply followed Severus. Just like him he kicked off his shoes and hung his robe on a free peg, and when Severus continued into his living room and sank onto the sofa, much less gracefully than usual and obviously thankful for being in his own space, Remus simply took a seat at the other side of the comfortable couch. 

Shaking off his tiredness for a moment Severus looked at him in confusion, as if he hadn't noticed Remus following him, and it wasn't beyond Remus to suspect he had been to busy with staying upright to really comprehend the situation.

"Why are you here, again?"

There was already a hint of sleep in his voice and imprecise phrasing. 

"Because you're not going to work tonight anyway, and so we can talk. Or I can watch you while you falls asleep and then I can go, if you want me to."

It wasn't that he hadn't work for tonight, or anything else to do, but these things needed to be talked over. 

Blinking against the tiredness Severus rearranged his long limbs in the corner of the sofa so he sat a bit more comfortably against the pillows, and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again the spells cloaking his appearance slowly dissolved, displaying again the truth that otherwise got so easily lost beneath magic and fabric. 

Then he nodded slowly. "Tell me why you are not angry about this, or not anymore."

Folding his own legs Remus leant back, feeling tiredness creeping into him as well, as if it were contagious. 

"Why should I be?"

Brushing hair out of his face Severus shrugged. "How could you not be? As I said, this connection shouldn't be taken lightly. And you haven't been asked, someone else pushing it upon you, there is nothing about it that shouldn't make you angry."

Dropping his hands into his lap and then moving again to cross his arms in front of his chest it was obvious that even in his tiredness Severus was still keen on trying to hide his unsteady hands from Remus' line of sight, even though all of his other weaknesses were already on display. 

Remus, on the other hand, found himself leaning forward, slowly inching towards Severus without making any too obvious moves. He wasn't sure where this was going to take them, but it was obvious that either the sudden tiredness or the situation itself had forced an unusual honesty upon Severus that Remus was not ashamed to take advantage of. If there was ever going to be a good moment to talk this through it was now. 

"But you didn't do it on purpose. You were and are just as overwhelmed as I am, and it's just as strange for you as it is for me. So, are you angry?"

It took a moment for Severus to answer. Then he shrugged, in slow motion. "I should have seen it coming."

There was enough contempt for his own failure in his voice that Remus needed to fight the urge to reach out and offer physical comfort that would not have been welcome. 

"How could you? Don't be an idiot, you have no idea how this thing even works. Or do you?"

Shaking his head slowly Severus ceded the point. "Right now I can tell you nothing beyond what you already know. I need more time. And a large library."

Spreading his hands to drive his point home Remus nodded. "That is what I meant. We need to find out more, and we will. And for now it will do no harm, I believe."

Severus didn't look convinced, but he didn't disagree and Remus moved on. "I wonder - what does it actually feel like?" The confusion in Severus' face, openly displayed in his tiredness, told him that he needed to explain further.

"The connection, I mean. I am not feeling it right now, though we are sitting fairly close, and I haven't noticed anything prior to this afternoon."

It took Severus a moment to follow up, and then he nodded. 

"My conclusion is that it is either triggered when there are large quantities of magic involved, as with the layers, or you actively call on it, as with the Circumeo. As to why you don't usually feel it - I believe my shielding spells are blocking it."

The first two explanations made sense to Remus, but he wasn't convinced about the third. 

"But you dropped your spells." He gestured in Severus' vague directions, but received only a mild look of amusement in return. 

"My mental shielding, not the other layers."

Of course Remus could have known that Severus wasn't only constantly hiding his appearance, changing it to his desire and needs. Thanks to his short brush with Legilimency Remus was now more interested in Occlumency than ever before. But he still hadn't expected Severus to use it constantly. 

"Isn"t that very exhausting?"

But Severus shook his head, slowly. "Every magical person has certain strength and weaknesses, natural talents, things that just work for us. Some can easily transform matter, others feel energy in nature and other beings, some read minds like open books. I believe your natural strength is adaptiveness, as your magic is very flexible and easy to mould yet powerful enough to sustain almost every magical endeavour you undertake."

Remus remembered how Severus had read his signature, weeks ago, and told him that he was more powerful than he had thought. There was an echo of that in this new description, and while Remus felt strangely well described and at the same time flattered that wasn"t what he had wanted to hear. "And?"

"Occlumency is my talent. It was very easy to learn, although it is considered to be a very difficult craft, because I naturally do it."

The slow tempo of their conversation gave Remus enough time to consider what was being said before answering, unlike their usual rapid-fire exchanges of blows, and it gave him opportunities to think Severus' usual cryptic answers through more thoroughly.

"Your natural talent is hiding?"

As per usual Severus disagreed. "No, shielding. There's a difference between hiding something and protecting it, although the former can facilitate the latter. My magic lends itself easily to spells that allow veiling, building layers of shielding textures to protect itself."

Remus had been wondering about the concept of Occlumency, but he had imagined it more like building a mental wall, brick for brick, until it was so high even the strongest Legilimens couldn't leap over it anymore. Severus' description, however, offered him a different image.

"Is that what Occlumency works like? A mental veil?"

Severus pondered the answer for a moment, and then nodded. "The concept of a veil has never occurred to me but, but - " He stopped, looking into nothingness, visibly following his line of thought further before voicing it. "It's actually a very good image. It describes the flexibility, the ability of occlumentic magic to adapt to any need." 

That felt familiar, and Remus remembered the counter spell Severus had used to protect him from the unwanted legilimentic advances he had been subjected to, twice - once in the dimly lit warehouse in Knockturn Alley, and a second time Albus' office. Both times the blocking spell had felt as if a heavy and cool blanket had been draped over him, thick velvet shielding him from the tentacles of magic tapping against his skull. Apparently Severus himself had other feelings tied to these spells, or experienced them differently. 

But like so many issues Remus pushed the question away, noting them on the ever growing list of things he wanted to talk about with Severus, if they ever got time for aimless conversation, maybe on a Sunday afternoon over coffee and books. Shaking the thought off Remus reigned his unruly mind in again, and returned to the question at hand. 

"Right. So, what would happen if you dissolved these shieldings spells as well? Would we feel this connection again, then?"

Instead of replying Severus yawned ungracefully into his elbow. When he appeared again he looked so worn out that Remus felt almost sorry for his insistence. 

"Maybe, how am I supposed to know?"

This time there was a hint of desperation in his voice, and without thinking Remus leant forward and patted Severus' bony knee. He left his hand there just a bit too long for it to be just a fleeting touch. 

"I guess I'm just used to you knowing everything all the time. Why don't we try and see what happens? I'm curious, and I know you are as well. We could even call it science."

He tried not to sound too enthusiastic lest Severus would call him an imbecile and launch a counterattack to defend science, or his mental integrity. But he did neither, instead only slightly raising his eyebrows in the familiar expression of "oh-must-we-really" that Remus already knew so well. And he also knew how to deal with it, smiling back in the most confident and calm way possible. Their staring duel lasted a minute only, and when Severus gave in Remus wasn't sure if it was due to his tiredness or any real enthusiasm for the experiment they were about to conduct. 

"Leave science out of this - otherwise Aurelius might call and request their degrees back, and I worked very hard for those."

The hint of humour was unexpected, but not unwanted. As always tiredness helped to turn Severus into something resembling much more of a human than anyone would have ever thought him capable of, and Remus enjoyed every second. 

"I promise to take good care as not to damage your reputation as a spagyrian. If we can damage that further, that is. So - how do we go about this? Could it work like the signature reading spell you showed me?"

The first part of Remus' declaration saw Severus' eyebrow climb even higher, and the second made him shake his head, slowly, like an old dog watching a hyperactive puppy jump around. 

"What did I do - nevermind, I know. It could work, I don't know."

He didn't seem mortally offended at the idea of holding hands with Remus on his very couch, which Remus counted as a good sign, especially taking into consideration that they had done much more than mere hand-holding in the bed next door. But just to make sure that Severus didn't change his mind quickly again Remus held out his hands. It took a moment, but then Severus shook his head, again, and placed his right hand in Remus' outstretched palms.

Closing both of his hands around Severus' bony fingers Remus savoured the moment for a second, feeling the dry skin and the soft tremble that was becoming more and more regular now. But he said nothing, not when he watched Severus' face showing an echo of pain before turning blank, obviously perfectly pinpointing what Remus was thinking. But he didn't pull his hand back, leaving it resting in Remus' soft and steady hold. 

There was one difference that Remus noted though, and considered it a good sign. 

"Your hands are warm."

And they were, unusually warm. It was one of the first things Remus had added to his list of things about Severus - that his skin was cool to touch, almost always. Shut away in a dungeon or not, the man was almost constantly cold, and knowing now how his body under the layers of clothing looked Remus wasn't surprised. There was simply not enough flesh and fat on his bones to keep him warm. 

"In about twenty minutes I will be fast asleep. Do you want to do this know or do you want to continue your rambling?"

Severus sounded annoyed, surprisingly considering that it had been Remus' idea to test what would happen now and he had only agreed reluctantly. 

"Alright, fine. I will be silent. What happens now?"

He wasn't feeling anything at the moment, only the still exciting touch of their hands. His inner voice was already mocking him for it. Hand-holding and exciting in one sentence! He had come a very long way from his promiscuous self, back in his very own roaring twenties, that much was for sure.

"A moment, please. This sort of magical arrangement takes a bit of concentration."

Nodding Remus shrugged, and Severus closed his eyes, visibly pulling himself together despite his tiredness. It gave Remus the chance to look at him undisturbed, and while he kept Severus' right hand safely entangled with his own fingers he examined his face in the warm light of the room. He looked only slightly better than he had back in the Hospital Wing while he had been unconscious, that much was for sure. All the external damage had been healed, but the lines exhaustion had carved into his face remained. The unnatural thinness accentuated the sharp lines of his features, cheekbones too high, the line of his jaw too sharp, not to mention the chaotic mess of his nose. Remus still hadn't asked why it had been broken so often and never healed properly, even though even an easy spell could correct the damage done, smooth out the lines and soften the blows already taken. 

Maybe that was the point of leaving it like it was, as if Severus didn't have enough reminders of his violent life to carry around with him. The body was such an easy thing to read, and with his fingers softly caressing Severus' hand Remus continued to simply look. His thoughts were without any particular order, jumping around aimlessly. When had he started to care about Severus? He couldn't quite point the exact moment this strange face had started to look more than just familiar like a chair in a corner would look after having been around for a decade. Had it been the opium? Or a moment afterwards? The journey to Oxford, the day in Diagon Alley and down those dirty streets, the fight in the forest, when had it been? 

He couldn't pinpoint it, couldn't throw a knife and impale the moment like one would pin a dead butterfly on a needle. The memories and images slipped through his fingers like fish dying on a boat, flapping and twisting. Nothing seemed stable, everything moving and fluid. He started to look at his own thoughts in confusion and then with fear slowly creeping in. 

But before he could fall further down there was a tug at his thoughts. It felt like an invisible hand carefully and gently pulling at the edge of his mind, requesting his attention. Surprised he let go of the dark abyss he was looking into, slowly turning around, and the second he noticed that he had been carding through his own thoughts, that he was in his own mind and looked at it with calm contemplation the sudden realisation washed over him that this was it. 

Despite never having actually closed his eyes he know opened them without moving a muscle, and he understood why Severus had told him what a grave thing this could be, how strange it would feel, how dangerous. Just that it felt nothing like this. None of the words fit, none of the names. He was in his own mind and he wasn't. Floating and anchored he closed his eyes again without closing them, and there was his mind again. In the distance he felt the abyss he had looked into, but it didn't frighten him anymore. The soft tug remained, and he reached out to touch, still unmoving. He wanted to ask - are you doing this? - but his voice was carried away and then he felt the pulse of magic, softly ebbing and flowing, and he couldn't tell if it was his own or not. But when he caught a strand flying by and pulled the power slammed into him with a force he had not expected. For a second there was no air in his lungs, the sheer weight pressing down on him. But it didn't last long and then it was reigned back in, and he thought he heard someone tell him to be careful, to take it slow, to just float for now. 

And he took the good advice and simply moved through the field of energy, relieved in the realisation that apparently this was close enough to Legilimency to allow Severus some sort of control. After a while he grew more comfortable in the sphere he was surrounded with, and when he opened his eyes he saw the same light he had felt under the tree, weeks ago when Severus had read his magical signature and displayed his own power in the process. The rain from this day echoed in Remus' ears, briefly transporting him back under the tree, and he thought he felt his wet clothing clinging to his body and Severus' hand against his own, palm cool against warm skin. And then the sensation was gone, and he felt the silence around him more than he heard it, his own breathing, Severus' own very carefully controlled, and the hand he was holding onto. 

The light was still there, though, and he could still move through it. It felt warm and comfortable, his own combined with that of Severus, and he still felt the strange feeling of comfort. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but his voice seemed useless. There was nothing he could do but look around him and marvel in astonishment as the energy billowed around him. Yet he was safely grounded, even in the whirlwind of light surrounding him, holding on to Severus' hand as if it were his anchor, even though he knew he wouldn't be swept away even if he let go. But he didn't want to and so he didn't, cradling long fingers in his own palms, and it felt good and right with the power flowing between them. He wanted to speak, again, but there was nothing he could utter even though he wanted to say so much - is this good, is it, that is how it feels, and how are you so warm and here, and your hands, your hands are steady and calm in mine, did you notice? You're not trembling anymore.

But he couldn't say it, or anything else. Instead he felt the words float around him, and the reply that came, from somewhere close around him or inside, and it only said yes, yes, yes. The tug got stronger, a veritable pull now, and he let go and leant forward, forward and forward, until he touched Severus, his hands now reaching out, cool cotton and warm skin under his fingertips. Leaning in just a bit more he hesitated for a second, waiting for the floating reply once more. And it came, saying only yes, yes, and Remus' moved forwards. They kissed, and the light exploded around them.


	30. The things that we could be

Remus awoke in the middle of the night from a sudden movement next to him. Blinking he didn't need long to realise where he was - the dark room and the bed familiar by now - and why. The connection had died down to a soft whisper, just strong enough so Remus could still feel it if he remained completely still and listened into the silence. It was strangely comforting, a constant reminder of the magical presence of another being, and even though it still felt new and uncontrolled he was sure he would get used to it soon.

The darkness in the bedroom was soft, lightened the still waning moon. Its gleam allowed for deep shadows to stretch out, the furniture suddenly growing, towering in their corners. Tiredness was still pulling at Remus' mind, the undertow of sleep very present in the heaviness of his languid body. Sighing he stretched carefully, and had just closed his eyes when he was reminded of the movement had woken him. Next to him Severus was sleeping fitfully, turning in his sleep, one hand holding the sheet in a death grip. For a moment Remus wondered whether he had felt the movement in reality or if it had been the uneven tug at the magical thread woven between them that had alerted him, disturbing his own sleep thoroughly enough to wake him up. A glance at the softly glowing hands of the muggle alarmclock on the bedside table told Remus that it was barely three in the morning. They hadn't been up too long, Severus practically gliding into the almost narcotic sleep Poppy's miracle cure had forced upon him much sooner than Remus had liked him to. 

For a moment Remus pondered his options. It was obvious that Severus was in the throes of a rather unpleasant looking nightmare, and given how exhausted he had looked the evening before Remus wasn't too surprised that his mental defences had worn thin. But what was the proper approach to nightmares? Did one wake up the sleeper and disturb the images, taking into account that flailing limbs might leave the saviour bruised - or was it better to go back to sleep and wait for it to pass, which it surely would?

But the decision was taken from him. Suddenly and without any warning Severus startled, sitting bolt upright in bed, coming from deepest sleep to being wide awake within seconds. He needed much longer to still his ragged breathing and relax his overly tensed muscles while Remus did nothing, having jerked backwards just in time to move out of the way. Waiting Remus watched Severus regain control over himself, whatever images had tormented him passing only slowly. Finally he sighed, for a moment rubbing his face before he slowly dropped his hands, not without the same sceptical glance he had shot them all evening. But they were still completely calm and steady, and not for the first time Remus wondered where exactly Severus' breaking point lay, and if that might not be the final thing that would eventually push him past it. Carefully he focussed on the soft whisper still hovering between them, adding warmth to his thought, the idea of comfort anything he could offer while staring at Severus' slumped back, vertebrae far too visible beneath the skin, shoulderblades protruding like a permanent threat. 

It was only then that Severus noticed he wasn't the only one awake. He straightened, only ever so slightly, but enough for Remus to understand that he was somehow embarrassed. 

"Did I wake you?"

His voice was soft and barely above a low hum, still deepened from sleep and yet tinged with the adrenalin caused by the nightmare. 

"No, don't worry. Are you alright?"

Instinctively Remus reached out, fingertips softly touching Severus' shoulder with the aim of finally giving the physical comfort he had never been able to provide before. Sharing a bed should have brought down this final barrier between them, or at least it had for him. But when his hand gently touched Severus he almost jumped out of bed, moving out of Remus' reach and half-turning around with a speed that could only be ascribed to well-trained reflexes. It was such a classic fight move - getting out of reach of your attacker and facing them to prepare for the next move - that Remus couldn't prevent himself from jerking back as well. So much for resting from their respective wars. Willing the sudden adrenaline in his own body to ebb away Remus brought his breathing under control and reached invisible hands out for the connection. In the dark he saw Severus' eyes glitter strangely, his sudden alertness almost frightening. 

Then he visibly realised where he was. Closing his eyes his posture softened visibly, and he moved again, this time towards the side of the bed, swinging his legs over the edge and sitting fully upwards. Brushing his hair away and smoothing it he kept his eyes down, and Remus dared to again moved towards him. It felt strange, this back-and-forth, as if he were trying to tame a strange creature instead of simply reaching out to - well. The man he currently shared a bed with. 

But before Remus could plan his next movements Severus straightened himself, his gaze still fixed on his hands resting on his knees.

"Apologies for disturbing you. I will be back shortly, just go back to sleep."

He didn't look at Remus, rising slowly instead. 

"It's in the middle of the bloody night."

Shrugging Severus crossed the bedroom towards the door, not bothering to pick up any of his clothing on the way. If the situation hadn't been so bizarre Remus might have appreciated the way the moonlight and the shadows played with the combination of pale skin and black hair, but like this he was too surprised to actually register anything beyond the simple fact that Severus was just marching out of his own bedroom at three in the morning wearing nothing but pyjama trousers.

"I need to sort something out. Just - go back to sleep."

For a moment Remus considered simply following him, but it was too obvious that his company wasn't wanted. 

"What the hell could you sort out at this time of the night?"

Pausing in the doorframe Severus looked back, surprised, as if he had thought Remus would have known the answer already. 

"My mind, obviously."

With that he was gone, and Remus listened to his soft steps on the floor until they stopped and he heard what he guessed was the sound of someone sitting down. It only then occurred to him to put one and one together, and he finally understood what the problem was. If Severus had dropped his entire mental shielding to allow the magical connection to unfold it meant that he had probably cut much more loose than Remus was willing to imagine. The disturbance from the unexpected force their magic had caused, flowing together without any restricting boundaries had felt crushing to Remus, and he was willing to bet that it had left Severus' well-organised and disciplined mind in a disarray that screamed for rearrangement. 

So he didn't intervene, instead crawling back under the sheets, soothed by the quietness and the feeling of the thread of the connection, stretched thin but still very much present in his mind. Focusing on his breathing he willed his own mind to calm, trying to imitate what he was sure Severus was doing. Unlike Severus, however, he fell asleep very quickly.

He awoke again later, but still in darkness. The room was silent, the soft ticking of the muggle alarmclock the only calm noise. Turning around Remus reached out and only found emptiness. Severus was still gone, and Remus felt his absence. Drowsy Remus turned in the sheets, rearranging the pillow, and then again feeling for the body that wasn't there. And then his mind, crawling slowly along its usual thought patterns, realised what else was missing. 

The connection was gone, the thin thread having evaporated into nothingness. Reaching out Remus felt nothing but his own heartbeat and his own thoughts, solid as always, reliable, and his own magic calmly residing within its given limitations. There was nothing else, and his efforts to reach out died away quickly. 

Pushing himself upwards and detangeling his limbs from the sheets he slowly rose, sitting upright for a moment to allow his head to clear and his thoughts to focus. The alarm clock told him that it was past four in the morning. He only had to blink into the dark a few times to see, his unnatural eyesight quickly adjusting and picking shadows apart with ease. It only confirmed what he already knew: he was alone. Rising and moving towards the door silently Remus embarked on his search, pushing away any sense of looming danger he might have felt. 

He felt silly for it as soon as he reached the living room and found that Severus had not gotten far. In fact he was right where he had possibly been the entire time since he had left Remus in his bed, on the floor in front of the large window overlooking the grounds all the way up to the forest. It was a strange sight, Severus stretched out on the wooden floor, still dressed only in the soft grey pyjama trousers he had put on the night before, his naked feet crossed at the ankles. Otherwise his posture was that of a sepulchral effigy. Lying completely unmoving on his back, eyes closed, hands spread flat with the palms down on his stomach he seemed to be almost unnaturally still. 

It seemed he had turned completely inwards, focussed entirely on his mental processes, however these might look like. But he was obviously alive, his chest rising and sinking with the perfectly calm rhythm of his breath. This was what he had meant when he had spoken of meditation, and for a moment Remus felt silly for his mocking attempts of taking on a yogi's pose back in the laboratory. It was too obvious that he had no idea how this was actually working, with the only exception being that he knew it was working. Judging from the dissolved connection it was clear that Severus had managed to rebuild his mental shields, and in the process had shut Remus out again. It was only fair, and they hadn't agreed on anything beyond running a quick experiment with the connection to see what would happen. But it had felt so good, the mental tie between them even more intense after Remus had managed to get his hands on Severus' actual physical body. 

Following his musings he let his gaze wander over the same unmoving body in the floor, idly wondering why he couldn't simply join him, or why Severus had decided to spread himself out on the hard and cool floor at all. But it was more than likely that he had needed silence for his endeavours, and only then it occurred to Remus that he was possibly disturbing him. 

He decided to leave the scene that very moment, feeling slightly guilty for his staring. But he couldn't help it. There was just something to seeing Severus stretched out on the floor like that, completely lost for the world and bathed in moonlight and darkness. He sounded hideously romantic, and he chided himself mentally as he took a step backwards, then one more, incapable to turn around and paying the price for it as he missed the leg of one of the armchairs and crashed into it. He landed softly, but couldn't supress a wince of embarrassment. As quickly as he could he scrambled out of the armchair again, glancing over the sofa onto the floor in the vain hope that, maybe, the sudden noise hadn't disturbed Severus' meditation. 

But of course it had, and when he finally had a good view on the stretch of floor in front of the window again Severus had propped himself up on his elbows on the floor, his face a mixture of despair and amusement. Unlike just an hour before he seemed much less closed up, as if rearranging his mind had given him some sort of mental equilibrium back.

"Did you settle your debate with my furniture?"

Nodding and now smiling himself Remus walked around the sofa, and then simply sat down on the floor himself, cross legged in his boxershorts. 

"I think we've negotiated an armistice just now. I'm sorry for disturbing you."

But Severus didn't seem fazed at all. 

"The worst is done, I can take care of everything else sometime in the next days."

Feeling the coolness of the floorboards now rise quickly into his own warm body Remus wondered how Severus could have been on the floor for such a long time without apparently caring for it. 

"It was over an hour already. Was there that much damage?"

He hadn't expected the small matter of Severus removing his mental shields yield such results, and apparently it read in his face. Slowly Severus sat up, turning towards Remus. They weren't touching yet, but it was only a matter of inches. 

"Yes, quite a bit." It was proof how far they had really come when Remus doubtful face was enough to push him towards explaining more. The unfamiliar openness surprised Remus so much that he had hardly time to listen and only snapped back to focus when he realised what Severus had said. 

"Despite what you may be thinking it wasn't caused by the connection, or however we'll call it. Most of the damage was already there."

There was a hint of reluctance in Severus' voice, and it was enough to get Remus back into focus. "When did it happen?"

He answered only slowly, weighing his options first and, to Remus surprise, again deciding for honesty. 

"When Albus broke the Legilimency field I had constructed he wasn't treading carefully. And there was previous damage from my last encounter with the Dark Lord, or at least that is what I have to guess, granted that my memory still hasn't returned fully."

It took Remus a moment to comprehend the full extent of what Severus said. Pieces of information flashed through his mind - the conversation he had accidentally eavesdropped on in the library, when Severus accused Albus of breaking into his mind and threatening consequences if it happened again, then the private room in the Hospital Wing and the fear he had seen when Severus had admitted to missing entire pieces of his memory. It only now dawned on him that all of these damages had still been there, that Albus had possible caused even more havoc when he had broken Severus' spell without any regard to his mental integrity out of sheer need to act swiftly, and how finally all this chaos must have been offset by the connection. It must have been agony to live with these broken pieces for such a long time, and no wonder that Severus hadn't been able to put damage control off any longer. Remus just didn't now why he had to do it on the floor. 

"Your memory is still gone?"

Nodding in silence Severus pulled his knees up further again, resting his arms on them. His thin hands were dangling in the air close to Remus, and it took only one glance for him to take inventory of Severus - scars, Dark Mark, soft trembling fingertips. Apparently whatever miracle had happened hadn't lasted long enough. 

"It is. I can only hope it will be a one-time occurrence. Otherwise - " His sentence died in the midst of his thought, and he didn't voice what he was meaning. He didn't have to, of course. Remus knew what a spy with an unreliable memory was worth anymore. 

"It will be fine. Optimism!" 

Layering his voice with more and obviously faked cheerfulness Remus make an exalted gesture indicating that the sun would shine again, managing to lighten the atmosphere and at the same time mock shallow attempts at easing something that was far too grave to be smiled away. Severus answer was his usual expression of disbelieve, eyebrows climbing up. 

"Over my dead body."

Remus allowed his fake smile to broaden into a real one, and at the same time reached out and traced the long line from the back of Severus' right hand all the way up his arm. 

"I'd rather have your living body, thank you. Shall we go back to bed?"

It was one of the worst pick-up-lines he had ever used, and he'd probably still be proud of it when he was eighty-six, in case he ever got that old. Statistically werewolves died around the age of fifty, but he wasn't going to think about statistics now. Not when Severus looked as if he wanted to say something but then simply shook his head in mocked exasperation, and made a move to stand up.

Very slowly he pulled himself off the floor and up to his full height, and Remus followed his example, legs slightly stiff from the sitting on the hard floor. For a moment they just stood there, to their right the school grounds up to the Forbidden Forest drenched in the pale light, beautifully calm in the night. The view was enough to distract Severus just for a second, but Remus suddenly remembered something different and reached out. They stood close enough together that he could easily lift a hand and place fingertips on Severus' skin, gently tracing the outline of the ragged scars that zigzagged over his shoulder, feeling the edges of the old wounds. This time Severus flinched only briefly, quickly relaxing again, and allowing Remus the touch. Gentle fingertips traced the outline of the old tears in the skin, each one after the other, wondering if it had been the right or the left paw that had been buried in Severus' shoulder, and how lucky he had been that it hadn't torn ligaments or bones but simply skin and flesh. 

Remus resurfaced from his thoughts only after a moment, feeling Severus' unreadable gaze now fixed on him. Continuing to trace the scars he felt the need to offer an apology, or at least an explanation. 

"I didn't know. They didn't, I mean, they never told me."

It was all he offered, but it was enough to be understood, at least in that very moment. Not moving an inch Severus nodded, very slowly. 

"You were not supposed to know."

It crushed Remus for a moment, the realisation that Severus had been keeping this piece of knowledge safe for all these years, even though Remus had no idea if it had been voluntarily or by force. 

He had never apologised for that night, had never felt the need to. But now the sudden necessity to do it arose in him, and he couldn't help but at least trying. 

"I'm so - ." 

But he didn't get far.

"There's no need for that."

Caught up in the net of his old guilt and grief Remus needed a moment to acknowledge the intent. He didn't understand, however. The apology was long overdue, decades now, and wasn't it a good and intimate moment to speak about these things? 

He heard Severus exhale, very slowly and consciously, and then he picked Remus' hand off his shoulder and pulled him closer. Yielding immediately Remus closed the distance between them, and while he leant in he thought he felt a whisper of the connection, despite all the layers of shielding spells Severus had wrapped around his mind again. 

"I'd second your proposal to go back to bed."

The dark voice was soft again in Remus' ears, barely a whisper, and it did wonders to sweep the whirling spiral of thoughts away, wipe Remus' mind blank and allow him to only nod and follow Severus, now fully occupied with quite different thoughts that were pleasantly gone from his mind again not too much later. 

When Remus woke up for the third time on that day it was because the alamclock of doom was dutifully doing its job, if only for a short moment before it was silenced. The bed under Remus moved, the warm body he had wrapped himself around withdrawing slowly before soft steps on the wooden floor made it obvious that Severus wasn't the person to be friends with the snooze button - if his devilish alarmclock even had one, that was. Still half asleep and comfortable Remus listened to the sounds of someone getting up and readying for the day, all the mundane tasks a person did and that were strange to listen to when one wasn't used to them yet.

It was the last repose Remus was going to get. It was obvious that Severus had lost time due to Poppy's plot to force a night of rest unto him and needed to finish tasks before the chaos that were the students would break loose after lunch. Within a very uncomfortable short amount of time Remus found himself clumsily dressed in front of Severus' door, watching the retreating back of the man he had only moments before slept wrapped around hidden under the usual layers of fabric and magic.

But he didn't have much time to contemplate this harsh and abrupt start into the new day and Severus' utter lack of corruptabilty when it came to his duties in Hogwarts. His own list of task was mercifully short, but a helping hand was wanted always everywhere, and after he had retreated to his own rooms for a short moment to freshen up and dress as professionally as he could he was immediately swept off into the general chaos. 

The first moment to breathe came after a lunchbreak that had seen the communal table in the Great Hall replaced by sandwiches individually brought to every staff members by the ever helpful kitchen elves. Remus was with Poppy in the Hospital Wing when the large tray was dropped off by a hectic elf, helping the mediwitch to ready the large room for the expected influx of patients the next days and the Quidditch tryouts would inevitably bring. 

They were done just after three, barely two hours before the Hogwarts Express was due to deliver the students back to the castle. Remus was done with everything and had been shoed away by Poppy with clear orders to spent the last hours as peacefully as possible, granting he wouldn't get much of repose in the next days. He wandered about the castle vaguely looking for Padfoot, whom he hadn't seen yet after the dog had spent the past day walking the forest with Hagrid. He was supposed to be back by now, but Remus had found his own rooms empty and decided on taking an aimless stroll through the castle to see if something could come out of this.

He had reached one of the connecting passages high up, and paused to look over the grounds from his position. It wasn't exactly a secluded spot, but he was alone for the moment and could allow himself the pleasure of enjoying the view. The sky had brightened up again, September first as crisp and strangely sunny as always, a regular occurrence that had always made Remus suspicious of possible magic that was at play, although he had no idea what kind of magic it could be and how it was supposed to work. The sunlight was still strong and warm, and with a sigh of content he decided to take a moment and sit on the bench provided be the windowsill, leaning against stones warmed be the daylight and looking out through the glassless opening over the grounds.

Allowing his mind freedom to toy with the idea of sunlight-inducing spells and dig through various possibilities he registered Severus much later than he usually would have. But the soft steps finally brought him to Remus' attention even through the intriguing mental game, and seconds later Severus joined him, taking the spot in the window next to Remus, following his gaze out of the other half of the arched double window and over the grounds. 

Making a mental note where exactly he had to abandon his line of thought Remus turned, for a moment simply observing Severus from the side. He had shed his long robe, probably admitting that the warmth of the day made the amounts of fabric rather unnecessary as long as he wasn't in the dungeons. Otherwise he was immaculately dressed as always, layers of black above a crisp white shirt showing only at the cuffs and collar. Most of the spells changing his appearance were back in place, but the final layer seemed still to be missing, leaving him still looking more like the man Remus had come to enjoy spending time with than the stiff Head of House he would be for the next month. And he still looked surprisingly well, almost alive. Whatever scheme Poppy had come up with, it was obviously working. 

"Poppy is a genius, isn't she?"

Only then Remus realised that Severus had hardly enough clues to understand what he was talking about, and for a moment the puzzled look on his thin face showed it. But he caught up very quickly, and nodded. 

"Of course."

Grinning Remus wondered whether he could just nudge Severus in a I-told-you-so way, and then decided against the actual contact while still indulging in the verbal expression of the sentiment. 

"You could have told us earlier, you know."

Still looking out of the windows over the grounds Severus didn't join in Remus' enthusiasm. 

"This is only a short term solution, and not all aspects of it are pleasurable."

Remembering how Severus had been practically knocked out by Poppy's miracle cure last night Remus nodded. 

"Yes, I see your point. I guess not everything can be solved by smoking opium, right?"

Remembering their little sojourn into the opium den that had been designed to solve Remus' own problems and as a side effect had set this whole thing into motion Remus couldn't help but smile while Severus only nodded.

"Opium does have some rather nasty long term consequences, even if the factor of addiction is left aside. There's nothing to be desired of that, trust me. I'd rather be asleep for longer, though even that miracle will only do so much. In the end it won't turn the situation around."

The resignation was clear, and Remus of course knew what Severus meant. He didn't need the reminder of the gentle tremble visible in Severus' long fingers, their unsteadiness luckily still only obvious for those who knew and were looking for it. It was an improvement, but not much of it when it came to Severus' work.

"Last night - " But Remus didn't get to finish his sentence. Severus immediately turned around, fixing him with his usual unreadable gaze and interrupting him with a handmotion brushing away the end of the phrase. 

"Yes, yes. Actually that has - but do you have time?"

Nodding Remus indicated that he had, at least for a moment, and surely more than Severus himself. 

"Good. An interesting implication had presented itself, and if you'd agree there's an experiment I'd like to try."

Surprised Remus abandoned his own nostalgic musings for good. 

"An experiment? Well, I'm always open for science."

The look on Severus' face was almost pained, as always when Remus mentioned the holy cow that the concept of science was to the Master of Potions. 

"At some point in time we will talk about the completely absurd ideas you hold about scientific research, but it will not be today. Do you know how to link your magic with someone else?"

Remus gulped down the comment on how grateful he was to be spared that particular lecture, even though he knew it would eventually come up, and that he might even enjoy it. He hadn't had much time to actually argue with Severus about anything that wasn't life or death, and it seemed like it could be interesting. A bottle of whiskey and a good discussion with a man of Severus' intellectual capacity weren't the worst way to spent an evening. But Remus didn't have time to indulge that particular thought further. 

"Yes, of course I do. We used to do it all the time, back in the day."

He didn't need to explain who exactly 'we' were, and when 'back in the day' was to be located. At least the place was obvious, as they hadn't moved much from it. The usual pang of loss soared through his veins, briefly, and died away again. Sometimes he wondered if that was how an amputee would feel, the shadow of the lost limb still present, pain sometimes ghosting through something long and irrevocably gone.

"Good. Would you mind to try?"

It was an easy thing to do, child's play, and Remus didn't mind, even if he had no idea where Severus was going with his request. But it was a quick thing, the spell hovered in the air for a moment, and using the traditional gesture to activate it they swiftly placed their palms together, Remus' right hand against Severus' left. Only then Remus remembered the overwhelming feeling of the first contact through the connection last night and how it had almost knocked him off his feet - the rush of sudden power in his veins - but nothing of that sort happened. Establishing a magical link was simple to do and with enough practice easy to control, and Remus felt that there was nothing threatening about the slow unfolding of the magical flow between them. Reaching out carefully Remus could feel the soft ebb of Severus' magic and, if he were to cast a spell, probably use some of it to back up his own power. The temptation was almost impossible to resist for a moment, but he managed to keep it in check. The experiment had been requested by Severus, and it was his turn to do something.

And Remus didn't have to wait long. He felt the soft tug on his magic soon enough, and quickly realised that Severus was in fact doing, well, something, even though he remained unmoving, without casting a spell or doing anything more surprising. The steady drain of power remained gentle, not even uncomfortable, and Remus felt that it didn't seem to actually diminish his energy levels. 

The whole thing lasted not even a few minutes until Remus became too curious to keep silent any longer. 

"Would you mind telling me what you are actually doing there?"

Severus' gaze had been lowered the whole time, and Remus only realised that he not been looking at the floor when he followed his line of sight and understood.

"How does that work?"

It took Remus a moment to work through the possible implications. Shrugging Severus lifted his hands off his knees and turned them around - palms up, palms down, long fingers spread out, perfectly steady. He was still looking at them, but there was no surprise in his face. The experiment had apparently yielded a result he had expected, and whatever emotion it provoked was expertly covered up. 

"I believe - " He paused shortly, turning his hands once more and then dropping them back on his knees. "Lack of power, it seems."

Those were at best fragments of a line of thought, but Remus pierced them together with his usual speed. It didn't make much sense, though. 

"But why would a wizard like you need that from the outside?" 

There was no flattery intended with that comment. Everyone in Hogwarts had seen enough of Severus in action to know what he was capable of, speaking from a magical point of view, and since they had done the signature reading Remus was under not illusions whatsoever concerning the power he was dealing with. A fraction of it had taken his breath away last night, and he was willing to bet that if he had pulled on the connection he would have felt himself drowning in a wave of magic that would have been strong enough to push him under and keep him there. He hadn't dared to, but maybe one day he could do it, would allow himself to be washed away by the waves of Severus' power and float within it, submerging himself fully.

"Healing the tremor possibly requires specific types of magic, or maybe I have bound most of my powers otherwise, or something in the pattern of the necessary spell doesn't connect correctly with something else - I cannot tell." 

And it was obvious that he was telling the truth, still looking at his suddenly reliable hands, the soft tug on Remus' magic steady, but still not uncomfortable.

"But how did you know that could work?"

Again Severus shrugged. "I was looking for a less invasive ways to recreate the results of the completely opened connection. A magical link is easy to establish and to control, at least for an experiment. I do have to admit that I didn't know how intense the flow of power would need to be, but it seems that at this point there's only a minimal amount of your magic needed."

Impatient Remus pushed on. "Alright, but how?"

But there was no explanation Severus could offer. "Believe me when I say I do not know. But it's quite a fascinating result. It would be interesting to see if it has something to do with you personally, or if it's tied to the configuration of your magic. I'll have to ask Albus, there are certain similarities, and maybe Minerva for a differing -"

This time Remus interrupted. "Clarify that last statement."

Retracing his mental steps Severus obliged. "There are differences in the configuration of your magic and Minerva's powers?"

But it wasn't what Remus had meant, and he clicked his tongue, encouraging Severus to continue his repetition.

"Your powers share certain similarities with Albus? Ask him one day, and you will see. I'm not sure what the problem is there. Maybe you just both have a saviour complex."

He held out his hand, and after Remus was done with staring at him he understood. 

"We can keep the spell for a bit longer, if you wish to. I don't mind at all, I barely feel it."

But Severus shook his head, declining the offer like any other. 

"It was an experiment, and while I appreciate your willingness to participate it must be completed." 

Remus considered a sharp protest, but understood the hopelessness of his position and gave in. At least they now knew it was working, and they could repeat it. It wasn't a solution, but maybe it could tide them over, at least for a while. Another partial success, then, and maybe one day all those tiny miracles could add up to something entirely different.

They tapped their palms together swiftly, and Severus removed his hand quickly again and dropped them both into his lap. But he wasn't looking at them anymore, and it was too obvious why. Trying to be gentle Remus wondered whether leaving or a diversionary tactic were the best way to move on from there, and decided for the later option.

"Well, it that is all I'm happy to be of service. Who would have thought a relationship could be this useful!"

He smiled at the final remark, projecting the lightness he felt in the sun straight into his voice. Predictably Severus looked as if he had a toothache caused by listening to Remus' sugary evaluation. His answer, however, only echoed part of Remus' final statement.

"Relationship?"

It took every inch of discipline Remus had to not break into fits of laughter at the beautiful display of horror he witnessed, and he hastened to soften the blow.

"Well, however you want to call it. Friends with benefits?"

But Severus didn't look as if his fears had been put at rest. Looking at his knees for a moment he seemed pensive, and then shook his head slowly. 

"The concept of friendship isn't one I can claim familiarity with."

It was possibly the most in character answer he could have given besides cursing Remus straight into oblivion, as he would have done mere month ago. His voice remained perfectly matter-of-fact, but by now Remus had enough practice in reading Severus to understand the miniscule signs of unease. 

"That's absurd. I know that you want to continue to deny that you have friends here in this very castle, but, please - and if not here then in Oxford. I did meet Libavius, and you won't be able to talk yourself out of that."

It wasn't a good moment to add that it did somehow hurt to be to easily cast out of the circle of what Severus would call his friends, an apparently very exclusive club with zero members at all. 

But Remus' agitation did nothing to change Severus' mind, and his argument was brushed aside with disapproval. 

"On the contrary, you might find that I can very easily rebut that specific claim. Every concept of friendship that I am aware of places a strong emphasis on absolute honesty between two parties engaged in said friendship - do I have to elaborate further?"

He didn't have to, but Remus easily picked up on the resignment resonating in the answer, and the lack of smugness over being right in the delivery of it. Severus' gaze never moved away from the wall, looking straight through it and doing his best to avoid Remus' eyes. It was enough to soften Remus' reply considerably. 

"He would understand that you're doing the right thing."

Snorting Severus loosened his stiff posture, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

"No, and nobody could blame him for that. Things are too convoluted to explain them, and there is no right thing at all anymore."

Listening to his own breath in the following silence Remus sorted through the possibly answers to find the one that was going to do the least damage. 

"Nothing is inherently good or bad. Everything depends on your point of view, or so I've come to believe."

The surprise in Severus' face was open and honest, and Remus was annoyed immediately. "What? I'm not as stupid as you think I am."

Ceding the point Severus shrugged, apparently willing to keep the peace. 

"Your learning curve in the past month was very impressive, so - as much as I regret saying this - very obviously not. I just hadn't expected insights on the fleeting nature of good or bad from someone in your position."

Keeping the annoyance on his face Remus sighed. "Please, I'm a bloody monster for most of the wizarding population, and I guess all of the muggle one. Law wants me locked up and the key thrown far away, and while we're on the subject of friendship it's necessary to note that I am here due to the protection of my friends - the very same reason, by the way, why you're not locked up in a cage right next to mine."

It seemed the most obvious argument, but Severus still wasn't convinced. 

"We are here because we are useful. Don't forget that."

But Remus refused to buy into that, even though he realised the necessity of abandoning the main line of argument and dig deeper. "Will you ever have mercy with anyone, maybe even yourself?"

It took Severus a moment to answer, and it was obvious that he was tossing a variety of different possible answers around in his mind before he settled for one. 

"I don't believe I am very good at that."

And Remus knew perfectly well what he meant, and still it wasn't enough to make him drop it. "Maybe you could try. And if you want to I can help you."

This time there was no answer. It seemed as if Severus simply didn't know what to say, and Remus was content and proficient with keeping silence. It didn't bother him to sit there in the September sunshine, looking at Severus and then again at the view, the edge of the horizon saw-toothed from the treetops of the Forbidden Forest, and beyond that only the endless blue of the sky above them. 

Remus had no idea how long they would have been sitting there if they hadn't been interrupted. Remus heard the clicking of claws on the stones first, paws strolling towards the spot were they were sitting. Looking at the corner from where the dog was advancing his movement was enough to pull Severus from the line of thought he had been lost in back to reality, and he visibly tensed up next to Remus, any trace of his formerly relaxed pose gone immediately. 

And then Padfoot marched around the corner and barked, first in happy recognition of Remus and then once more, much less happy, in acknowledgement of Severus. Sighing Remus leant forward, holding out a hand towards his friend and shaking his head in mock despair. A small part of him was annoyed with the sudden disruption, and feared for a repetition of the usual scenes that tended to occur when Sirius and Severus were forced to spent time in each other's vicinity.

The dog dutifully marched towards Remus, wagging his tail and then sitting down right next to him. But even though he was obviously happy to find Remus the air of suspiciousness never left him, causing him to keep a watchful eye on Severus, who stared back in much the same fashion. Sighing Remus patted the dog's head and then, wagging his forefinger, tried to nip any controversy that might arise in the bud. 

"There you are, I have been looking for you. Now, don't make a scene."

The dog tilted his head, and then barked twice, indicating that he had understood and wasn't remotely interested in Remus' opinion or advice. Glaring down Remus shook his head. "You are impossible."

Severus was watching, his arms safely crossed in front of his chest, hands securely out of sight, even though the dog wasn't even in the slightest caring about these things. Sighing Remus looked back and forth between both of them, feeling the slowly rising tention and quickly sorting through his options before deciding on the one thing he was sure would prevent his lovely moment from being ruined by a shouting match. 

Throwing up his hands he turned around, stabbing his forefinger first at Severus and then at the dog. "Both of you are, by the way. You have worked side by side for such a long time, now behave like adults for once."

The reaction his little outburst brought him was as similar as he had expected. Severus' eyebrow climbed higher, with a mixture of scepticism and surprise displayed on his face while the dog whined once, his claws clicking on the ground as he moved in surprise. Severus was the first to answer, though Sirius' ability to reply was of course severely stunted by the fact that he was, well, a dog. 

"I find conversation with a dog exceedingly difficult."

The stiff formality was very characteristic, and moved things exactly into the direction Remus wanted them. 

"Well, he obviously can't change that right now."

Severus didn't look convinced. "Of course he can. This is a very remote part of the castle, and he could always cast a spell to announce anyone coming close. If he is capable of that kind of magic, of course."

There was nobody as capable as Sirius, by presence alone, to reduce Severus' ability for elegant insults down to the level of basic schoolboy cruelty, and Remus appreciated that it worked again and again. It went both ways, of course. It took only seconds for the dog to morph, rapidly shifting his shape and growing, until all the paws and fur were gone and Sirius stood next to Remus in the corridor, looking as pissed of as he came and glaring at Severus. 

"What is that supposed to mean, that kind of magic? As if these spells were difficult!"

Dealing with a human antagonist made Severus instantly more relaxed, and he leant back against the windowframe once more, arms still firmly crossed in front of his chest and now smirking with usual self-assurance. 

"Well, then give us a sample of your skill."

Now crossing his own arms in front of his chest, involuntarily mirroring Severus, Sirius shifted his stance. He couldn't, and Remus knew, because the dog didn't carry a wand and Sirius, like ninety percent of the magical population, didn't practise wandless magic. There was nothing to do if Remus didn't want this to develop into something ugly but to intervene. 

"He doesn't have to, I'm willing to vouch for him." Pulling his own wand from his robe Remus ended the discussion right then and there by casting the spell, feeling the invisible field spreading out and granting them a secure bubble in which Sirius didn't have to fear unwanted attention. 

"Lucky you, having your friends step in willingly."

The mockery in Severus' voice was harsh, but Sirius was immune to it by now. Shrugging he shoved his hands in his pockets and grinned back, every inch as maliciously as Severus himself. 

"Surprised you'd say that, granted that you know nothing about these things."

Instead of replying Severus looked at Remus in a I-told-you-so gesture that made Remus want to bang both of their heads together, just once for good measure. Sighing he dropped his hands on his knees, glaring back and forth between his best friend and his - whatever Severus was. 

"Right, that's enough. Either you both learn to have a normal conversation or I'll leave you to your petty bickering. Are you aware that our school days have passed since a very long time?"

Strangely enough Remus' short lecture worked. For a moment Sirius looked at his shoes, slightly sheepishly, and Severus kept his arms firmly crossed and his mouth closed. Seconds passed and nobody said anything, leaving Remus wondering whether he'd have to prepare for the sudden outbreak of a duel now or if one of them would just stalk off. Considering Sirius didn't have his wand on him the chances were high that he'd take the high road and save his pride and skin with a dramatic exit.

And it was Sirius who first reacted again, even though in a manner Remus could not have foreseen. He looked up from his shoes and straightened, using both hands to brush his long dark hair out of his face. Gathering it on the back of his head for a ponytail for a moment before dropping his arms again his glance wandered over Remus, with open affection, and then with calculated distaste over Severus. And there it remained, Sirius looking at his long-time adversary as if he had never seen the man in proper daylight before. 

Curiously enough Severus allowed it without any verbal refusal, outwardly not bothering at all. The moment lasted not too long, but long enough to make Remus suspicious. But before he could say anything it was Sirius who broke the silence in his characteristic straightforward fashion. 

"Two things. I heard you were doing pretty poorly, is that just rumours? And second, you smoke?"

It took Severus a moment to get over his shock at being suddenly addressed like a normal human being by Sirius Black of all people, and then being asked not one, but two questions that sounded sincere. Remus was sure that his own shock was much bigger, though, when Severus replied honestly, albeit curtly.

"Both times yes. Why?"

Sirius shrugged. "I was wondering. And I, well, the dog can smell the fags on you. Got any?"

Remus thought he'd have a heart attack when Severus only blinked, and then shrugged. Moving slowly he reached into an inner pocket of his waistcoat and pulled a crumpled blue pack out. It contained exactly two cigarettes, and he offered one to Sirius with restrained enthusiasm. That didn't stop Sirius, by necessity used to taking whatever he could get whenever the chance arose, and Severus fished the last one out of the pack before crumpling it into a tiny ball he disposed off in one of his pockets. Turning the fag between his nimble fingers Sirius nodded approval. 

"Knew a snobbish git like you wouldn't smoke cheap crap. Fire?"

Severus snorted, balancing his own cigarette between thumb and forefinger, and nodded towards Remus. "Ask him."

Remembering that he had worked hard to produce the little flame Remus was tempted for a moment, and in the very last second recognized the trap. 

"What? No sodding way, you can lit your own coffin nails."

Looking back and forth between the two imbeciles he had ended up with Remus thought he was caught in a fever dream as both exchanged a glance, and then shrugged. As if nothing had ever happened between them Severus raised a hand, and produced the small green flame while Sirius leant forward and used it to lighten up his cigarette. Severus did the same with his own cigarette before extinguishing the fire, and dropping his hands again. For a moment they both smoked with the joy of addicts getting their first fix in a while, inhaling deeply and blowing the smoke towards the windows, where the wind carried it away quickly. 

"I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to say to that. I thought you'd stopped smoking long time ago and that you - " Remus poked a finger into Severus' bony shoulders - "weren't smoking during term."

Again the impossible happened and both nodded at the same time. "Well, it's just one bloody fag - " 

"Technically I don't -" They both stopped mid sentence, and Severus shrugged, nodding in Sirius' direction. "Bad company."

That was probably the nicest thing he had ever said to Sirius' face, and it was acknowledged with a smug grin. "What can I say, I have been to prison. Might have picked up some bad habits there."

It was an open lie. Sirius had been smoking a long time before he had ever been in Azkaban, and everybody knew. Severus, however, looked mildly interested.

"They didn't offer me a smoke when they kept me there."

Sirius exhaled a cloud of smoke and watched it dissolved in the mild breeze. "You were in Azkaban?"

Shrugging Severus held a hand out of the open windows, tipping the ashes off his cigarette. "And imagine, once for a murder I didn't even commit."

Remus hadn't known and neither had Sirius, who was now looking at Severus as if he were appraising him anew while quietly smoking. Remus, on the other hand, was busy trying to put together the pieces he had to understand what he had heard. 

"For long?"

Shaking his head Severus took a deep drag, inhaling the smoke with the pleasure of a long-time smoker, and only exhaling it very slowly. "Never longer than a few weeks, but even a minute is too long in that hellhole."

Nodding Remus looked back at Sirius who was still intently staring at Severus. It was the first time Remus could ever remember both of them actually talking without exchanging insults, and the sincerity of it was more than surreal. But it made sense, especially now that Severus had in a very uncharacteristic move offered a strange glimpse of understanding and Remus could see Sirius suddenly realise that there was someone in the castle who had a very rough idea of what he had seen, what had been done to him. Sometimes there was a connection to be found in the most unlikely places.

But before the moment could unfold or explode - one never knew with these two, after all - Remus felt the tug on his wards. 

"Someone is coming."

With regret he watched Sirius tense up immediately, quickly considering his options. Severus, on the other hand, calmly tilted his head, as if he were listening into the silence of the corridor. When all three of them heard the steps approaching their spot he straightened up again and offered reassurance. 

"Albus."

And he was right. Sirius hadn't finished deciding whether he should transform again just to be sure when Albus turned the corner, looking glad he had found the three of them without any obvious signs of combat in their surroundings. Drawing closer he noticed the smoke and wrinkled his nose, a look of disapproval on his face that only smoothed out when he arrived and stood next to Sirius. 

"I never thought I would see the three of you in such a display of harmony, it's even enough to make me ignore these foul smells."

He cast a chiding look at Severus, who promptly sighed, extinguished the cigarette on the stone wall outside the window and left it to vanish while Sirius had already hidden his own fag behind his back. 

"Better?"

Turning around again Severus rolled his eyes, and Remus couldn't help but smile at Albus' parental protest. 

"Well, yes, much better. I hope you can continue your meetings in the future without these vile habits. And let me again remind you on the stance the Guild takes towards smoking members."

Sirius wisely kept his mouth shut, inching slowly closer towards the windows to follow Severus' lead to dispose his own cigarette as discreetly as possible. His endeavours were greatly enabled by the fact that Albus was focussed in Severus, whom he had obviously been looking for. 

"Don't get your hopes too high. And since when do I care about the bloody Guild?"

Sighing Albus brushed a hand through his long beard. "Oh, everyone knows you don't. In any case, may I request the pleasure of your presence for a moment? As lovely as your little hiding place up here is, and as much as I regret disturbing your conversation - there is something concerning Slytherin to talk about."

Brushing invisible specks of dust off his black trousers Severus straightened his back, nodded, and then rose from his place in front of the window. 

"Of course, at your service."

Laughing at the slightly exaggerated tone Severus used Albus patted him on the shoulder, and then turned to leave. "Splendid, as always." He nodded at Sirius and Remus before moving away. "I shall see you at dinner." 

Smiling both returned the greeting and then watched him take his leave. Severus copied the gesture of nodding once fleetingly at Sirius, and then looking at Remus. He wasn't smiling, seriousness quickly taking over and the complete resumption of work duties chasing any sense of ease from his posture. But he wasn't as closed up as usually yet, and before he was entirely gone he exchanged an open glance with Remus before nodding once more, this time more slowly. 

"Well - thank you."

It was all he said before he turned and followed Albus down the corridor and out of sight, but Remus easily picked up on the multiple layers within the simple phrase, and understood. It made him feel strangely warm in the stomach, and while he listened to Sirius' evaluation and prediction concerning the upcoming year Remus was utterly occupied with thinking about anything but the new term. 

But reality forced him quickly to abandon his musings. As soon as Sirius had finished the remains of his cigarette they heeded the call of duty themselves, a man and his dog descending from the passageway down towards the Great Hall, where chaos was already brewing. The Hogwarts Express had arrived, and the first students were slowly trickling into the castle in various stages of overflowing joy and hysterics. The next hours Remus made himself useful wherever he could, sorting through baggage and greeting his students, answering questions and listening to holiday stories with a smile. 

He just found enough time to slip away to change into a more formal robe in time for the dinner. When he returned the Great Hall was already filled, all four house tables overflowing with students, their excited chatter and banter forming a cacophony of voices and filling the large space up to the enchanted ceiling. Remus was enthusiastically greeted almost everywhere, but no greeting was as excited as the one he got from the Golden Trio as he crossed down towards the high table, using the way past the Gryffindor table. All three were already changed, Hermione's school robes as immaculate as always while Ron looked as if he had dressed in the dark, possibly while being attacked by a giant spider. But the big grin made up for the lazily arranged tie, and Remus felt the same fondness as always as the three of them jumped up from their places and quickly drew close to him. Harry had grown remarkably, and it was the same sensation as always - again the ghost of loss and pain as Remus realised he was growing to look more and more like James every year. Smiling against the sadness Remus brushed the old grief aside, as he always did. 

"Good evening, Professor Lupin." Hermione was the first to greet him, properly as always, with earnest affection pronouncing his academic title. He nodded at her once, returned the greeting and with that easy motion opened the floodgates. For the next five minutes all three of them talked simultaneously, apparently completely forgetting that they weren't excited twelve-year-olds anymore, and Remus tried his best to keep the strands of their lengthy explanations and anecdotes apart. 

The flood of words and stories only halted when suddenly one part of the Great Hall fell silent. Hermione kept on recounting the amount of books she had read during the holidays, but Ron turned to look, and Remus followed his gaze. It was the other side of the Hall where the Slytherin table was placed that had fallen silent, the sound level of the entire Hall suddenly falling. And it was obvious why. Severus had entered the Great Hall through the door closest to the table, standing at the lower end of the long table looking down over his students, who had simultaneously fallen silent and risen to greet their Head of House with a formality Remus had never seen any house express. But Severus had obviously expected the reaction and surveyed his House silently for a moment before nodding once, releasing them to sit down. The sound level rose again, but it was obvious that the Slytherins were still focussed on their Head of House, who was now slowly moving down the table greeting students and probably answering questions not too different from the ones Remus had been bombarded with all day now - even though without much of the giddy enthusiasm, which was obviously considered unbecoming for Slytherins. 

But Remus full attention was pulled back to the conversation he was actually having when Ron rolled his eyes. 

"Isn't that pompous?" He shook his head and nudged Harry with his elbow, who had been busy looking down the table at a sixth year Gryffindor who had experienced a particularly impressing growth spurt during the vacation and was drawing the attention of more than just Harry to her, even though she was chatting with her girlfriends and trying her best to ignore the glances. Ron quickly realised that Harry wasn't going to listen anytime soon and, following his friend's line of sight, quickly joined him in the observation while Hermione only rolled her eyes, shrugged and continued to detail her holiday reading. And she managed to drew Remus' attention back to her quickly.

"I wonder, do you know if there are bloodberries growing in the Forbidden Forest?"

She smiled at Remus with open curiosity, and it took him a moment to remember that she had just told him how she had discovered a new interest in Herbology, which apparently included rare plants as well, as long as they were magically potent. Highly so in the case of bloodberries, which Remus knew perfectly well since they were a major ingredient in the Wolfsbane Remus now was half of an expert on. He was also fairly certain they weren't growing in the forest, even though they were native plants of their region. 

"I think they don't. What do you need them for?"

As Remus had expected Hermione was far from willing to tell him, and while he made a mental note to keep a good eye on the Golden Trio she shrugged and shifted the focus of their chat, quizzing him on literature she could use to expand her knowledge on Herbology and magical plants. Dutifully pointing out that Pomona Sprout would be a good person to ask Remus quickly deduced that Hermione was indeed more interested in the brews and spells these plants could be used in, which fell clearly into Severus' realm. It was also obvious that she would rather eat her red-and-gold-scarf than approach him with a question, a fact that reminded Remus of what else the war was costing them beyond the obvious. He had an inkling that the mere sight of Severus' library would give a student like Hermione the feeling of having died and gone to heaven. The past weeks had taught Remus that Severus was actually a good and patient teacher, something most of his actual students would never be allowed to know, and he could imagine how much a student like Hermione would benefit from being tutored by a capable mentor as Severus could be, opportunities now lost for good. It was roles and personae, and if Remus hadn't know that it was a thing of life and death he'd be angry at someone for all the missed chances. 

But like this all he could do was promise Hermione he would look it up, which of course only meant question Severus, and then come back to her with the answers. That seemed to satisfy her, and she waved and allowed him to move on so she could smack both Ron and Harry on the back of their heads and drag them away from their unbecoming staring session. 

Moving down the Great Hall Remus continued the pattern, chatted here and there with students and finally reached the high table. There were still free chairs, mostly because three of the Heads of Houses were still welcoming their students and Minerva would join them later with the First Years. Picking a chair that he knew would place him next to Severus Remus sat down and observed the slowly settling chaos in the hall. Little by little faculty members joined him, and when finally almost everyone was seated Severus hurried to take his place at the high table as well. Pulling out his chair and sitting down he coolly nodded in Remus' general direction before looking straight ahead over the Great Hall. 

There were roles to play and facades to keep up, but Remus was a curious man, and he couldn't resist leaning in. 

"Tell me, are there any bloodberries in the Fordbidden Forest?"

With a sour look on his face Severus turned to glance at Remus, for all the world only annoyed at the question posed. Then he shrugged and turned around again. 

"Why do you - " He paused, looking out at the Great Hall and caught Hermione Granger eagerly staring straight at Remus, terribly inapt at hiding her horror at a conversation which she was too smart to not guess the reason of.

"Ah. Tell her no. There are, of course, but you wouldn't go there if you want to survive. Or at least I wouldn't."

Which meant something, and only then Remus remembered that bloodberry extract used in the Wolfsbane came from the strange merchant they had visited in Knockturn Alley. 

"I will make sure to stop her from any excursions. Any book recommendations?"

The sour look on Severus' thin face intensified, and instead of an answer he brushed an invisible crumb from his white cuffs, dropping his voice so only Remus could hear him, just barely.

"Please tell me that Mrs Granger hasn't discovered the beauty of Alchemy during the summer vacation."

Picking up his water glass and taking a sip Remus managed to mask his answer behind a completely neutral expression. 

"I mean, there is a lot of beauty to find there if one only looks thoroughly."

He tried to keep his voice as innocent with only a little hint of suggestiveness, but it was enough to make Severus wince in public. He caught himself quickly again and hissed a not too friendly reply, but the damage was done and Remus could already see himself being the talk of the entire castle, speculation about what exactly he had told the stony-faced Head of Slytherin to solicit a reaction, any reaction, going rampant.

"We will talk about that later."

Remus nodded and replaced his glass, noticing that Albus had appeared and taken his place in the centre of the table. 

"I assume you have them in your library."

Staring straight ahead Severus managed to keep his face completely empty of the horror he might have felt.

"If you start letting students into my private library I will personally skin you alive."

Severus' voice remained completely neutral, but Remus recognized a proper threat when one was issued, and couldn't hide his amusement. 

"Would you come for my skin or the hide?"

Leaning backwards Severus looked at him, eyebrow slowly rising, and for a moment there was a hint of the same amusement and humour in his face Remus had gotten to know and love during the summer, hard features softening just for one second before every inch of humanity was gone again from the empty mask Severus usually wore so proficiently. But that he had let it slip voluntarily for a second was enough, for now. They were in public, after all, but they wouldn't be later. And there would be a later. 

"Both, Professor. Both."

A hint of warmth in Severus' deep voice and it was gone again. He was looking forward over the Great Hall, and Remus realised that he better not grin to broadly. But Albus came to his rescue, standing tall and tapping his fork against his glass. The magically multiplied clatter rang out over the Great Hall and there was silence. With their usual creak the great doors opened, allowing Minerva McGonagall to enter the hall at the tip of a long column of overwhelmed First Years, ready to be sorted. There was the Sorting Hat song and the distribution of students, and then Albus' speech announcing what Remus, comfortably seated in the warmth of the Great Hall and surrounded by friends and lovers had already known: summer was over, for good now, but autumn was here to stay, and everything was going to be very, very exciting.


End file.
